The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler
by Spectreon
Summary: This idiot wants to start a club to search for aliens, time travellers and espers. Too bad they're all under his nose already... and did I mention him potentially destroying the world? Nordic-centric. Haruhi-based AU.
1. Melancholy I

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler I - The Idiotic Dane

* * *

Do you believe in Santa Claus?

I don't. I never have. A fat old man that brings presents to the whole world at the same time? _Please_. As if something like _that_ could exist. Santa seems to go out of his way to NOT be seen. Not to mention the whole 'knows when you're awake' thing he has going on. Santa _knows_ if you've been a bad child. That's just _really_ creepy.

And aliens? Time travelers? Psychic abilities, ghosts, demons, vampires, fairies, trolls? Nah.

...of course, deep down, I think I wish they did exist.

Ok, you _probably_ just think of me as some precocious cynic now. You may as well call me Norge. Thanks to my irritating brother, that's the name that just stuck. Everyone at school calls me that, too. I really wish they wouldn't, but you just can't change some people...

...I should probably get to the point.

It was the beginning of term. Since we were all starting at a new school, we had been made to stand and introduce ourselves. When it got to me, I managed to make some crap up about how I hoped to have a good year with everyone. Yeah. That'll do.

By the way, our school is North High. We have students here from around the world, but the majority seem to be from the colder nations of the north. Myself, I'm from Norway.

That's when I first saw _him_.

'From Copenhagen, Mathias Køhler. I'm not interested in normal people. If any of ya are aliens, time travellers, espers or sliders, come see me. That's all.'

...what an introduction. Was that supposed to be funny? I swivelled around in my chair-

Sky-blue eyes. Spiky blond hair in every direction. A little red hat off to one side. I _think_ he'd be classed as 'good-looking' by a fair few people... but I apparently have strange perceptions of people regarding attractiveness, so I can't be too sure. He looked around the room expectantly, then slumped back down into his chair.

The teacher quickly hurried on to the next student, while I attempted to gather my thoughts. Most people would probably see an introduction like that as a joke, but something about him told me that he was completely, one-hundred-percent serious.

So that's how we met. And I _seriously_ hope it was coincidence, or someone up there must love playing havoc with people's lives.

* * *

If Mathias would keep his mouth shut and sit still, you could almost mistake him for an average high-schooler. So, being the _moron_ I am, I thought I could approach him. You can't blame me really, I was curious. Normally I wouldn't bother talking to anyone that didn't make a point of speaking to me, but something about him piqued my interest.

'About that stuff earlier...' I started.

'Eh? What stuff earlier?'

'You know, all that stuff about aliens, ti-'

'_You_ an alien?' he interrupted.

'Well, nei.'

'Then don't talk to me. Waste of your time.'

Hm. _That_ certainly went well. At least he's to the point.

* * *

Lunchtime. If we'd actually done something _worthwhile_ that morning, then munching on flatbread might have done me some good.

'Still, like, thinking 'bout Mathias? I'll give ya some advice - give up. Like, seriously. I was in his class for three years, and man, he's, like, _soooo_ weird.' Somehow I'd wound up sitting with Feliks and Toris for food. 'Paluzski?'

'No thanks, Feliks. Are you talking about his introduction?' Quite honestly, I'm not entirely sure how, but these two seemed to be really good friends. I knew Toris from middle school, but apparently _he_ knew Feliks from elsewhere.

'Of course, _duh!_ He was just as weird in middle school too. Like, graffiti on the school grounds kinda weird.' And what the _hell_ was with Feliks' accent, anyway? I thought he was from Poland!

I sighed. 'Care to fill us uninformed people in?'

'Sure. Ya know that, like, _thingy_ that ya use to draw white lines? Well, someone totally came in at night and drew this massive pattern on the grounds! And the guy said himself that he did it, so it had to be him! Then there was that one time we came in, and, like, the desks had all been moved to the hall! Oh, and he stuck talismans to the walls...'

By that point I was only half-listening. Mathias was standing on the roof, and... wait, what on _earth_ was he doing? Throwing a tennis ball at another roof isn't going to do anything...

'...but the guy's still pretty popular, ya know? Must be the looks. And, like, he gets really high grades too! Can't tell he's a weirdo when he's standing there.'

'Are there any other stories about him?'

'Ahaha, there was a time when he totally dated everyone. Longest lasted, like, a week. Shortest was five minutes...'

_Finally_, some quiet. Wait... _quiet? Feliks?_ Don't tell me _he_ was the five-minute one...

'E-eh, don't look at me like that! You're totally freaking me out! It's totally just a story I heard! The guy doesn't turn anyone down. That's why I'm totally warning you now! Don't get weird ideas, ok? Give up!'

Why does this _idiot_ think I have something to give up on anyway? I'm not at all interested. People aren't really my area.

This conversation lasted well into athletics. Some fools never know when to give up. Oh, the _irony_.

'...course, the guy's got a fair bit'a competition, ya know? Like, that Ivan. Man, does he _ever_ stop smiling?'

I looked over to where Feliks was gesturing. Sure enough, that innocent smile. If you ask me, it's more than a _little_ creepy, but I suppose everyone has their tastes... anyway, then it was Mathias' turn to run, so I turned back to watch.

And he was fast. _Really_ fast. He said he was from Copenhagen, so for all I know, the Danish put more emphasis on athleticism. Or probably he'd become fitter running after aliens all the time. Still, he was mostly behaving himself, not raving about abnormality, so I guess that's an improvement.

* * *

I watched his odd quirks for the next month, just out of interest. Firstly, Mathias' hat was in a different position every day of the week. It was absent on Monday. Tuesday's hat was to the left, Wednesday's to the right, Thursday's in the centre, and Friday's on the left but further back. I wondered how it managed to stay attached with hair that wild, but I've learned not to question such _silly_ things as the laws of physics.

Secondly, athletics requires getting changed. What few girls appear to be attending our overwhelmingly male school change in odd-numbered rooms, with boys in even-numbered rooms; however, ignoring everyone around him, Mathias would begin stripping before the girls had a chance to leave. The only major result of this is a high percentage of nosebleeds among our female population. _Particularly_ Elisaveta.

Thirdly, Mathias appears to have joined every club in the school, then quit after a single session. The sports teams jumped at the chance to have him on the team, but he didn't accept any of them, claiming they were all too boring.

What on _earth_ was he trying to do?

* * *

And so, after a wonderful week off, I begrudgingly returned to school. Mathias' hat was on the right, so I guess that made it Wednesday. So with that in mind, I... think something must have possessed me. I certainly wasn't in my right mind, trying to talk to Mathias again.

'Does your hat change place for any reason? Ward off aliens, maybe?'

'...when d'ya notice?' _Result!_ Something resembling a normal conversation!

'...Recently.'

'I see... Every day has a different feel to it, doesn't it? So, Monday just isn't Hat Day. Then all the other days have their own direction.'

'I would have thought Sunday would be the non-hat day.'

'I didn't ask for your opinion!'

'Oh, really?'

Then Mathias turned and stared at me. Like he was searching me for something. Good grief, those _eyes_...

'...have I met ya before? Ya look like someone I met a long time ago.'

'Uh, nei.' To be honest, the question caught me off-guard slightly. I _think_ I'd remember someone like him if I had met him before.

'Mm. Got the same hair, but if you're not him...'

The same hair? _Wha?_ And who's this 'him'? Not like I'm going to get an answer or anything, but...

Well, in any case, a serious Mathias is an unusual Mathias. I was expecting him to be much more dismissive, like before. So when I came in the next day to find Mathias with a slightly larger black hat rather than the red one, I was slightly disturbed. Wasn't it a bit... odd to change old habits the day after I point them out?

* * *

In that way, short conversations in the morning became a daily event. I asked him about the dating rumours that Feliks was talking about. How _silly_ of me.

'What makes ya think ya can ask something like _that?_ I dunno what you've heard, but what the hell, it's _probably_ true.'

'So... you didn't want to date any of them?'

'Boooo-ring. They were all so _bland_. No aliens, no time travellers, no espers...' Well, of _course_ not. They're not exactly going to come running to you. 'And most of them asked me out over the _phone!_ What's up with that, seriously? Important things should be talked about face-to-face!'

'Mm, you think?' Of course, I was hardly in a position to agree or disagree, having never actually been in that situation, but _shush_.

'That's not important!' Make your mind up, Mathias! 'It's just that this planet's filled with useless people, so I've been irritated these last few years!'

'Then what kind of person are you after? An alien?'

'An alien. Something like that. Gender doesn't matter, as long as they're not normal.'

'What's your obsession with abnormality?'

'It's more _fun_ that way!'

Whilst I may be inclined to agree on that single point, you're hardly giving a good impression.

In other words, Mathias Køhler, you're a nutter, plain and simple.

* * *

A/N: Hei! Yes, it's a Haruhi crossover! Seen a couple around, but none focusing on the Nordics. Which is a shame, since they're already a five-man band, so they fit fairly well. I'll be following the anime for a while, but I'll be shifting things around a bit to fit in with Hetalia more.

In case you hadn't guessed, Norge is Norway and Mathias is Denmark. And no, Nor's not getting a proper name. Kyon hasn't. And Denmark seems soo out of character at the moment... Also, Poland is way too much fun to write.

Next chapter, Mathias cheers up a bit. The world is officially doomed.

Until next time, goodbyeeee~


	2. Melancholy II

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler II - Forming a Club

* * *

End of class. I stretched my arms up, and noticed Mathias get up and leave. _That_ certainly wasn't in his normal routine-

'Oi, Norge!' Oh. Just Feliks. 'You, like, totally must have used magic or something!'

'What are you on about..?'

'Like, Mathias talking for more than five minutes! What d'ya say to him?'

...come to think of it, what _did_ I say? Just whatever came to mind, mostly.

'It's totally a sign of the apocalypse!'

'No, Norge's always had a thing for weird guys.' ..._takk_. And here I thought the Lithuanian was on _my_ side.

'Don't say things like that. Someone'll get the wrong idea.' And people already think I'm just that silent, slightly feminine-looking guy with the hairclip.

'I'd like to know too, da?' Ivan Braginsky had somehow appeared behind me. As if he wasn't creepy _enough_ with that incessant smile... 'After all, I've tried to get Køhler to open up to the class, but he simply won't budge. So how did you manage?'

'No idea.' I didn't really feel like talking to Ivan now.

'Still, I'd be worried if he kept himself away from everyone, so it's good he has a friend, da?'

'Friend? Please.' That implies things going _both_ ways.

'Ufu... Well, keep it up, whatever you're doing. Friends are wonderful! So if I need to tell Køhler anything, I'll go through you. Okey?'

'No, that's _not_ ok.' I'm not responsible for that _fool!_

'Pleeeeease...'

Yes, because that's _definitely_ going to work.

* * *

At long last, we were to be moved around into different seats in the classroom. Finally, I can get away from that crazy-

you're kidding, right?

_Nope_. Nobody was kidding. Mathias Køhler had once again been placed behind me. At least _this_ time I had a window to aimlessly stare out of...

...oh, to _hell_ with this. There was still more to ask him.

'They say you joined every club in the school. Find any interesting ones?'

'None at all.' Wait, he replied straight away! 'I thought stuff'd get more interesting in high school, but it's all the same, boring, normal clubs! Maybe I'm in the wrong school...'

Dread to think what drew him to this one.

'There was the Mystery Research Club, but they'd never had a single case! Useless! No luck with the Occult Society either, they were all freaks! Maaaaan, I'm so _bored!_ You'd think in a school like this there'd be _something_ interesting!'

I sighed. 'You can't help it if there aren't any. Besides, people who can't find what they want make their _own_ stuff and invent thi-'

'Shut _up!_' he interrupted. Loudly. I've noticed that if Mathias wants something, he'll be really loud about it.

Well, knowing my luck, it was probably that conversation that gave him ideas...

* * *

Ideas that preferably don't involve grabbing the back of my collar and pulling me back onto his desk. _Forcefully_.

'The hell's your problem?' I yelled back, springing out of my chair to face him. Normally I don't shout, but that frigging hurt.

'I've got an idea!' Oh. Oh _dear_. I have _never_ seen Mathias this cheerful. From what I've seen, this may not be a good sign. 'I dunno why I didn't think of it before! I mean, it's obvious! If it doesn't exist... I make it myself!'

'Make what?'

'A _club_, silly! What's _your_ problem?' Funny, isn't that what I just asked him?

'My _problem_ is that we're in the middle of a lesson.' I mean, ja, it's a school, we _actually_ do work! Everyone was looking straight at us, each with an identical expression that said, quite clearly, 'what in the name of flying mint bunnies was going on?' I apologised for the idiot and sat myself back down.

Yeah, you can see where this is going. The millisecond class ended, he dragged me out at full speed. By my tie. I'll have to remember that one, could be useful as revenge.

'_You're_ going to help!' Is this what... helplessness feels like? Because now he'd started, there was no _way_ I was stopping Hurricane Mathias.

'What do you need me for?'

'My club, idiot!'

'Ok, first of all, why do you need _my_ help? It's your club, it was your idea. Second of all, I'd much prefer it if you _weren't_ hanging onto my tie.'

Of course, he didn't let go. 'I'll find a room and members, you handle the paperwork!'

Glad to know his ears are in perfect working order. Shame the brain is disconnected.

'I don't even know what sort of club this is. Care to inform me?'

'Who cares about_ that!_ Making the club comes first! Get all the paperwork done before school ends today and I'll find us a clubroom!'

And with that highly forceful order, he left. What the _heck_ have I let myself in for..?

* * *

Just as a side note, I'm not entirely sure how Mathias hasn't picked up on that one strand of hair that floats next to my head. Yeah. Floats. No, I don't know _why_ it does. But surely _that_ comes under the definition of 'abnormal'? Still, I'm kinda glad. If that's how he's going to treat a 'normal' person, I dread to think what would happen if he noticed. And I'd prefer it if people _didn't_ pull it. _Seriously_.

Ahem. Rules for making a club. If he'd _bothered_ to read it, Mathias would have found them in the back of the Student Handbook... but I digress.

Must have at least five members. Good luck _roping_ people in, Mathias.

Must have a teacher present. _Nobody_ in their right minds would oversee this.

Must have a name. Well, _that_ much is obvious.

Must have someone in charge. Gosh, I wonder who _that_ might be.

Must contribute to school life or make things more fun. For _him_, yes. _No-one else._

This is going to turn out _wonderfully_ well.

* * *

And so, after a long day of attempting to cram information into a brain that doesn't give a crap, Mathias grabbed my tie again. This time, he was dragging me along so fast I barely knew where we were going-

'This is our new clubroom!' Hmm. That's where we were going. Should have figured.

'I don't know where we are, though. We never come down this way.'

'This is the Cultural Department! There's an Art room for the Art Club, a Music room for the Wind Ensemble, and then there's the generic rooms up here! This one's for the Literary Club!'

'Then... surely it's the Literary Club's room?'

'Yeah, yeah. All the members left in the summer. If there are no members, that means there's no-one using the room! Only one ever in here is this guy!'

'So it _has_ got members.'

'Yeah, but I asked and he's fine with it as long as he can stay and read! I guess some people are just _odd_ like that...' Says the one who barely talks to _anyone_ unless they're an alien.

The blond looked up from his book. He adjusted his glasses. 'Berwald Oxenstierna.' he mumbled, before going straight back to his reading.

'Berwald? You... _do_ know that this idiot wants to use your room, do you?'

'...mm.' He nodded in approval. Just about.

'Are... you ok with that?' Because _I_ certainly wouldn't want Mathias rampaging around my clubroom if I had one...

'...'s fine.'

'_See?_ Told ya!' ...What happened to grumpy Mathias? This Mathias was starting to _annoy_ me... 'I'm gonna book this room for after school, so you'd better show up! If ya don't, it's the death penalty!'

'_Fine_...' After all, dying is bad for you and may be fatal.

Mathias and I left and wandered outside. It'd be a nice day if I had any eardrums left.

'We need at least two more club members,' Mathias mused.

'Two? You're including Berwald?' Oh yeah. Get your clubroom today! Now with no added sugar and a free club member!

'Of course! And don't worry, I've got a couple of ideas...'

Ideas. Just great.

* * *

After the end of school the next day-

'I'll meet ya there!' Mathias shouted in my face and ran off. And here I thought my eardrums would have a chance to recover. No such luck, I guess.

When I got to the clubroom, only Berwald was there. Due to complete boredom, I attempted to start a conversation with the monosyllabic guy. I'm not exactly the most social person in Northern Europe, but the silence was _killing_ me.

'So, uh... what're you reading?' To which he held up his book. In front of his face. I hadn't had much of a look at his face, since he'd been reading, but it's not the sort of face you'd want to run into in a dark alley. I didn't recognise the title of the book, but it looked like some kind of humongous sci-fi epic type novel.

'O..._k_... is it good?' He carried on reading.

'...unique.'

'Uh... which part's unique?' This was... a _difficult_ conversation, to say the least.

'All'f it.'

'Ok, you... like books.'

'...bit.'

'You're from Sweden, right?'

'...mm.' Mostly I figured that was a noise of agreement.

The silence lasted for a while longer, and I really wanted to leave-

then Hurricane Mathias came blasting through the door.

'Ahahah, sorry I'm late because it took me a while to catch this one!' He pulled a smaller boy through the doorway. Violet eyes, blond hair and a cute face? Wonder why Mathias picked him?

...did I mention the cute face? Seriously, he's adorable.

'W-where am I..?' he stammered. Out of the corner of my eye, I think I saw Berwald paying a _little_ more attention to him than he was to his book, but I could easily be seeing things. 'W-why did you bring me here..?' He turned to face Mathias. 'A-ack! Why are you locking the door? Wha-'

'Be _quiet_,' Mathias said menacingly.

The boy gulped.

'Allow me to introduce Tino Väinämöinen!' Mathias flung one arm around him and grinned. Berwald and I were silent, although I think he was still looking rather than reading. So much for introductions.

'So... where did you kidnap _this_ one from?'

'Hej, I didn't kidnap anyone. Tino came on his own! Found him daydreaming in the second-year class. I check everywhere every breaktime. Noticed him once or twice, and well, here he is!'

That'll be why I never saw him around school.

'Wait... did you say he's a _second-year?_'

'Yeah, so?'

I looked at the boy. 'Tino, right? Why d'you pick him?'

'Isn't it obvious? Look at him! He's adorable!' Oh, wonderful. One more thing to add to the list of things wrong with Mathias. He's a pervert. 'In every situation you need at least one cute character! Someone with glasses, a maid costume, anything to serve someone's fetish!'

'So... you dragged this poor boy all the way here because he's cute and tiny?'

'Yup!' Another of those grins. He really _is_ an idiot... 'Our club needs a mascot! Say, Tino, are you a member of any other clubs now?'

'U-uh... the Cookery Club...'

'Well, forget about that, it'll just get in the way of our club's activities!'

Tino looked incredibly worried. He looked around the clubroom slowly-

then saw Berwald. If anything, he was now even _more_ terrified.

'O-ok... but I don't know what the Literary Club does...'

'Oh, we're not the Literary Club, Tino.' There was a rather worrying note of glee in Mathias' voice...

'We're borrowing the room, and the club's something that this _idiot_ thought up so it could be anything. We don't even have a name yet. And that's Berwald Oxenstierna reading over there - the _real_ Literary Club member-'

'Got it!' Does Mathias have _no_ sense of conversation? 'I know what we're going to call ourselves!'

Oh goody. Cue drum roll.

'The SOS Brigade!'

...what?

_Yeah_. The:

'**S**preading Excitement All **O**ver the World Without **S**topping for a Coffee Break - Mathias Køhler Brigade'.

Catchy, isn't it? Technically, we should be the SOS _Organisation_ or something, but we can't form an organisation yet.

And so, the seemingly random group of people that had been variously kidnapped got itself a rather nonsensical name. Now I'm stuck with it.

What did I do to deserve this?

* * *

A/N: So yes, Sweden as Yuki and Finland as Mikuru. That just leaves the 'mysterious transfer student'! Oooh, the mystery!

And the Nordic nations are all among the highest coffee drinkers in the world, and with the 'Suzumiya' gone I had to make up something.

Next chapter, Mathias abuses Tino for fun and profit. And a computer.

Until next time, farvel~


	3. Melancholy III

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler III - Estonian Extortion

* * *

The early-morning walks to school were now some of the few moments of peace I got in the day, so I tried to enjoy them as much as possible. Still, sometimes I couldn't help but feel a certain sense of futility. Especially since a certain _Dane_ came blasting into my life...

'Good morning!' I turned to see Ivan approaching. Why is he always so polite? It's kinda unnerving...

'Oh, hei.'

'I forgot I had things to do for the class, so I have to hurry. See you in class, da?' And with that, he was gone. Hard to believe there's someone like _that_ in my class...

...or someone like _him_.

I'd barely opened the door of the classroom when Mathias noticed me. He gave me one of those irritating grins and backed me out of the room.

'Hej, Norge! Can ya think of anything else we might need for the club?' Can you say... one-track mind?

'Like what?'

'What I want is a mysterious transfer student! What d'ya think?'

'A-_what_ now?' Please let me know what you're on about before you start rambling...

'It's just what the SOS Brigade needs! A mysterious transfer student!'

I groaned. 'Define mysterious.'

'Well, term started over two months ago! Anyone joining now is _bound_ to be strange!'

'Completely ignoring the possibility that the kid's dad got a new job nearby.' I mean, we've got students from almost everywhere, what's so special about them joining now?

'Oh, come on, Nor! It's not normal!' _Nor?_ Oh, fine, Mathias, just take the nickname which I already dislike and mutilate it _further!_

I'd _love_ to know what he considers normal, but asking would probably be a bad idea...

'Hmm... wonder if we'll get anyone like that...'

So in other words, he doesn't give a crap about _anything_ I say. Wonderful.

* * *

Lunch seemed to have become a 'let's-all-interrogate-me-about-Mathias-Køhler' session rather than a 'please-let-me-eat-in-peace' session. Feliks seemed to be the main culprit, but thanks to the rumour that Mathias and I were up to something, there were a fair few people asking.

'So, like, what's up with you and Mathias anyway? You _totally_ can't be dating, right?'

'Nei. We are most _definitely_ not dating. And to be honest, I'd like to know 'what's up' too. I don't have a damned clue.' Besides, dating _already?_ That's just stupid. We've barely been talking for a few days.

'Ok, but, like, don't overdo it, ok? You're in high school now, they can totally kick ya out if ya do anything stupid.'

Ja, because Feliks is _always_ the voice of reason.

* * *

Since the SOS Brigade had been founded, the former Literary Club room had been filled with seemingly useless junk. I'm sure the idiot had _something_ he could do with it, but whatever that was was beyond me. For all I knew, he was planning on moving in permanently.

'Know what we need? A computer!' he yelled. Enthusiastic as ever, or at least as enthusiastic as he'd been since he came up with the idea for the Brigade-

_gack!_ What _is_ it with him and almost strangling me? He'd grabbed onto the back of my collar _again_.

'What d'ya say, go get one?'

'Get one from _where?_ Don't tell me you're planning to raid a computer store, are you?'

'Don't be _silly!_ There's a much easier place to get a computer!'

Oh yeah. I forgot. The Computer Research Society.

* * *

And in true Mathias style, he came bursting through their door, dragging Tino behind by his wrist and shouting at the top of his voice.

'_Hej_, everyone! I'm here for a computer and everything that goes with it!' He looked around. 'Who here's the President?'

'Uh, I guess that would be me?' A bespectacled blond man was sat at the front. In a certain light, he looked almost... _sparkly_. What the hell..?

'Hehe! Only _one_ reason I'd come all the way out here, and that's for a computer! Just the one.'

The Computer Research Society simultaneously gasped in surprise. 'A-are you _crazy?_' the President spluttered.

'Aww, come on, we only need one! You've got a whole _bunch_ in here!'

'Who_ are_ you, anyway?'

'We're the SOS Brigade! I'm Mathias Køhler, and these are my henchmen numbers one-' he gestured at Tino, 'and two!'

I was still dithering in the doorway, with the Computer Research Society looking awkwardly at me. _Awkwardly_ being the key word in that sentence.

Mathias leaned in closer to the President's face. 'Now hand over a computer and nobody gets hurt.'

'W-why the hell should I? I'm not giving you _anything!_'

'Oh. _Shame_.' Mathias grinned in a much more sinister way than usual. Guy could certainly be terrifying if he wanted to. 'In that case, we'll have to do this the hard way.'

Still hanging on to Tino's wrist, he picked up the President's hand-

and shoved it straight into Tino's crotch.

The room largely reacted with surprise and disgust. Except for a screaming Tino, who had sunk down onto the floor, and Mathias, who was taking the opportunity to take photos.

_Good grief..._

'Come on!' Mathias shouted, kicking the President around. 'One- more- shot!'

And with one last blow to the back, the President fell over. Straight on top of Tino in a rather... compromising position. Of course, that _was_ the point, since Mathias was taking more photos.

'And now I have photographic evidence of blatant sexual harassment! So if you don't give me a computer, there's nothing to stop me handing these around! And ya wouldn't want that, would you?'

'B-but- I'm innocent! You _forced_ me to do it! This is insane!' the Estonian protested.

'And how many people are going to believe _you_, you pervert?'

'Uh- wait! All the members here are witnesses!'

'T-that's right!' a smaller boy stuttered. He was visibly shaking, so it didn't have much impact.

'Hai, that is correct.'

'Oh yeah? In that case, I'll tell everyone you gang-raped him!' Does he have _no_ standards? That's going _way_ too far! Poor Tino, is all I can say. 'Well? Gonna hand it over or not?'

'Th-that's... this is... _guh!_' He collapsed to the floor. 'Do... whatever you want...' The rest of the club gathered around to support the unfortunate President. This was turning more and more into some kind of comedy sketch show. Except it wasn't funny to _anyone_ except Mathias.

'Haha! Ok, which one's the latest model?' He looked around the room. 'Hmmm... I'll take _that_ one!'

'Wha- But we only just bought that one!' Mathias pointed to the camera, and the President immediately shut up. 'Take it, you thief...'

Yep. He's a thief, all right.

'Nooooorge! Help me cart this back to the clubroom, will ya?' Mathias ordered. Because he's _certainly_ not much larger and stronger than me. _Noooo_. Just get your _slave_ to do it for you.

And that's how Mathias... _acquired_ a computer. Of course, the Literary Club didn't have an Internet connection, so Mathias blackmailed the club into providing that too. And software.

Ok, can you say..._ extortion?_ Excellent.

* * *

Tino was curled up on the floor in the Computer Research Society room, probably still in shock from being unintentionally molested. Wouldn't you be?

'Tino? Come on, let's go back to the others.' I offered.

Tino mumbled something quietly to himself. He seemed like the type who gets scared quite easily. I mean, he was utterly _terrified_ of Berwald.

'Look, Tino... are you sure you want to be involved in this Brigade thing? I mean, I don't really want to find out what that moron'll do to you if you stay.'

Tino sniffed. 'Ei, it's ok, I'll stay. You'll stay too, right?' He smiled the cutest little smile, then hung his head again. '...I guess this happening on this time plane is unavoidable...'

...Wait, _what?_

'And I don't know what Berwald Oxenstierna's doing here, either...'

'What are you on about?'

'Huh? Oh, nothing. Just rambling...' Rambling about _time planes?_ Good thing Mathias isn't around...

Back in the clubroom, Mathias was testing out our new computer.

'So... you wanted to make a website for the club?' I asked.

'Yep. And _you'll_ be the one making it.' _Eh?_ 'You've done nothing but sit around and look bored for these last few weeks. _I've_ got to find more members. So get the site done in the next few days! Until then, our club's useless!'

Sure. Because I _definitely_ didn't lug that stupid computer over to our clubroom, or give you the damned idea in the first place.

Why do I even _listen_, let alone do what he asks?

* * *

A/N: Doing this is much more interesting than working. Which is why I can present you with an update today! This was... interesting to write.

Estonia makes an awesome Computer Research Society President, doesn't he? Poor Finland... Just as a side note, the other members are Latvia, America, Japan and, uh... someone else. Oh, and Nor's brother? Not Iceland. Disappointed about the lack of Sve in this chapter.

Next chapter finally gets to the interesting stuff! After a whole load of fanservice.

Until next time, ha det~


	4. Melancholy IV

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler IV - Rabbits and Flyers

* * *

Well, I suppose making a website was a much more productive use of my lunchtime than sitting and listening to Feliks ranting about Mathias. If I'm honest, I actually quite enjoyed it. Thanks to the Computer Research Society, the software was all set up and ready to use. And since Berwald was the only other person in the room, and, like always, he was reading, I got some peace and quiet for a change. I'm used to being by myself, with the exception of the last year of my old school, so the silence was almost welcomed.

Ah, memories.

Unfortunately, _certain_ people had forgotten to mention exactly what I was supposed to be putting on this website. I mean, I'm still not sure what the SOS Brigade _does_. Still, orders are orders. And if I didn't follow them, that idiot would be at my throat in seconds. Probably pulling on my tie again.

'Hei, Berwald, was there anything you wanted me to put on the site?' I asked, not expecting much of an answer.

'...nej.' And not much of an answer is exactly what I got. Hmm... every time I come to this room, he's sitting here reading. Does he even _go_ to class? My thoughts drifted off somewhere...

until a bell rang. _Faen!_ Class! I turned to get out of my seat and rush off, but was interrupted by Berwald standing in front of me, holding his book out.

'Take't.' Wait, he's _giving_ it to me? Obviously he was, because once I took it, he walked out. _Huh_. Why's he giving it to _me?_

* * *

Mathias didn't show up in the afternoon classes. _Goodness_ knows where he'd gone. I'm still not entirely sure about this whole Brigade stuff... so why do I find myself going back every evening? Habit, I guess.

'Hei!' I announced my presence opening the clubroom door. Only Berwald and Tino were there. Still no sign of Mathias. Those two can't be _that_ bored, surely..?

'Moi! ...Where's Mathias?' Tino asked.

'No idea,' I replied. 'Haven't seen him since before lunch. He's probably out getting more gear from someone, knowing him.'

Tino panicked. 'Will I have to _do_ something like I did yesterday..?'

'Nah, you'll be fine. I won't let him do anything like that again.' I could almost still hear Tino's screams from yesterday, and they _weren't_ pleasant to hear.

'_Really?_ Kiitos, I guess I'll be counting on you!'

'Seriously, it's fine.'

Maybe Mathias was right. Tino _is_ adorable...

'_Hej!_' With as much warning as usual, Mathias came bursting through the door, carrying two bags. It's a wonder that door is still on its hinges. What was even more worrying was the fact that once again, he'd _locked_ the door.

'Here, look at this!' He handed me a flyer. 'SOS Brigade: An Explanation of Our General Policies'..? What on _earth?_ He gave one to Berwald and Tino, and took something out from the bags. 'And now for this! Da-da-_daaaaah!_'

He picked out what looked like... a suit of some kind? And were those _bunny_ ears? This didn't bode well...

'We're passing these out wearing _these!_'

'Passing them out _where_, dare I ask?'

'Out at the main gate! There's bound to be students still in school, right?'

'And wearing _what_, exactly?'

'Oh, _you're_ not the one wearing these. I got this one for Tino!' As I thought.

'But... how can I...'

'Come on, put it on!' Mathias grabbed Tino and started to pull his clothes off. Surely Tino isn't incapable of changing himself? I tried to avert my eyes out of politeness, but something in me kept looking. But Tino was counting on me, so...

'Hei, stop that! Can't you just leave him alone?' I began to protest, but Tino's squealing cut me off.

'Don't look! Please!' And with that, I ran straight for the door. I fumbled to try to unlock it, then finally escaped. Phew. I'm sorry, but that was just... There are much better things to do than watch a guy from the year above get forcibly stripped. The screaming was bad enough.

* * *

Time passed. I watched the Athletics Club do their lap of the school. En, to, en, to, en, to... I heard Mathias open the door behind me.

'You can come in noooow!' he called. And-

_what?_ Bunny butlers? Are you frigging _serious?_ The _hell_ is Mathias up to?

'Well? Think we'll get some attention _now?_' he asked, standing by the doorway. Tino, visibly embarrassed, had gone to sit down. Berwald was paying as much attention as usual, that being none. I guess it's like those people who can hyperfocus on one thing and completely shut out the world. Because Tino can be _quite_ noisy.

...How could you _not_ get attention in those outfits? You don't see your average student running around with _bunny_ ears attached to their head. 'Berwald not interested?'

'Nah, I could only get the two. They're top-of-the-range, so they're pretty expensive! Now come on, Tino, let's go!' Mathias gripped Tino's wrist and dragged him out of the clubroom, straight past me. Tino's wrist must be a weak spot or something... The look of sheer terror on the Finn's face was just... I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. But arguing with Mathias would _probably_ be a bad idea.

I turned to re-enter the clubroom, to see Berwald gesturing at... the floor? Oh. Tino and Mathias' clothes were strewn everywhere. Suppose I ought to pick them up then... this really doesn't feel right to me. They were still warm from their body heat... I noticed one of Mathias' flyers on the floor amongst the mess, so I thought I'd pick it and _actually_ read it.

'SOS Brigade: An Explanation of Our General Policies'

'We, the SOS Brigade, are committed to seeking this world's mysteries. If you have had any strange experiences in the past, or are planning on having one in the nearby future, come see us. But don't bring us anything normal!'

...How _very_ like Mathias. I think I might _actually_ understand why he set up this stupid club.

* * *

Of course, it went as well as you'd expect. They... _certainly_ gathered some attention.

'Gah! Stupid teachers, what's with them? Always ruining our fun!' Mathias stormed back into the room, throwing himself down onto the chair at the computer desk.

'So, how did it go? I suppose everyone loves us now?'

'We passed out half of our flyers, then those bastards came out of nowhere and told us to stop! Who the hell do they think they are?' Mathias seemed to have quite a temper when he didn't get his way. Which, I suppose, is the reason nobody had left in disgust. And honestly? Two guys in outfits like that are _bound_ to gather people.

Mathias stood up suddenly and threw his bunny ears to the floor. 'That's it for today. _Dismissed!_'

...Given that he'd already started, I was _pretty_ sure they were about to change again. Of course, I headed straight for the door. It was much easier to get out this time, since Mathias hadn't locked the door.

And so... I waited. The sun was fairly low in the sky when Tino, back in his uniform, came out of the clubroom, looking down at the floor. He handed me my blazer. Whoops, I'd forgotten I'd left that in there.

'Um... say, Norge... I did say I was counting on you, but I don't really mind...'

...Hang on, what? Way to guilt trip me. And why in the heck _wouldn't_ you mind being treated like a toy?

Oh, and _he's_ calling me Norge now too. Great.

* * *

A/N: A relatively short update today, school and stuff getting in the way...

By the way, I've got a bunch of doodles related to this fic. They'll be showing up on my dA sooner or later. Probably later, knowing me, but that's besides the point. My dA's in my profile.

Next time, something interesting might happen! And you never know, I may throw in Ice's first appearance~

Until next time, moi moi~


	5. Melancholy V

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler V - Berwald Explains, But Nobody Gets It

* * *

By the next day, Mathias' name was the one on everyone's lips. He'd become infamous around school by pulling that bunny butler stunt. And guess who'd just come along to rub it in? No, not Mathias himself. Just Feliks and Toris. But mostly Feliks.

'You've totally gone and done it now, Norge...' He crouched down next to my desk. 'Become, like, one of Køhler's gang of weirdos, huh.'

'Shut it, Feliks.' Of course, both my name and Tino's had been floating around too. Typical.

'It was quite surprising, seeing a pair of rabbits handing out flyers. The other one was that Finnish guy in the year above, wasn't it?'

'Yah, think so. But, like, everyone's talking about you now!'

'So, what is this SOS Brigade then?' Oh. _Ivan_. What's with him and showing up out of nowhere? It's really creepy!

'Sorry, but I don't really know. Ask Mathias.'

'Well, you're certainly having fun, da? Although that was a _little_ over-the-top yesterday.' You don't say. Just a little. And aren't scarves like that against uniform policy? Best not to question it.

Tino didn't turn up in school at all today. Poor sod must be severely traumatised.

'Gyuh, still no emails after all that publicity! Seriously, what the hell?' Mathias ranted. After publicity like _that_? I'd be surprised if anyone came within a five-kilometre radius of any of us. Well... it certainly got people's attention, if not exactly in a favourable way.

'...wait, where's Tino? Didn't come to school? Aww...' He might never show up again, and for good reason if that's the way you're treating him. 'And I got a new outfit for him, too...'

'Wear it yourself if it bothers you that much.' I mean, is it really that hard?

'No way! I bought it for Tino! It's no fun if he's not around...' What about Berwald? I doubt he'd have any complaints... not that I'm at all sure how he'd react to the forced stripping, but given that he didn't leave when I did...

'Ugh! I finally get this club off the ground, and now we're just sitting around doing nothing! Stupid people, keeping their mysteries to themselves...' Ok, Mathias. Ask anyone in this room, which admittedly limits your sample size, and they'd say, 'sure, mysteries? Why not?' Anyone _outside_ of this room? You've got no chance. I mean, a school like this isn't going to have a whole pile of weirdness just waiting for you.

Time passed slowly. Watching Mathias on the computer was hardly the most interesting thing in the universe. I'm not entirely sure what could have kept me in the room for that long, other than the thought of facing Mathias' wrath for the next month.

'Feh. I'm going home.' ...On the other hand, there was nothing to stop _him_ walking out. Obviously his computer session had failed in whatever its mission was. That just left myself and Berwald in the clubroom. Now there was_ definitely_ nothing keeping me in there.

'Well, guess I'll be heading home too.' I stood up from my seat at the desk in the middle of the room, when I thought I heard something. Had... Berwald spoken? Most likely yes, as he was looking at me expectantly.

'Book. Read it?' Wha- oh, that book.

'Uh... no, not yet. Did you want it back?'

'Nej. Not necessary. Read it today.' ...Well, I suppose when Berwald does talk, he's very efficient about it. 'Soon as you get home.' Why? What's so special about the book?

'...Alright. I will.' Of course. Berwald went straight back to his own book.

* * *

I often cycle home rather than walking. It's certainly much quicker. It was fairly difficult to learn, since we used to live in quite a mountainous region, but you know. Once I'd got home, I took out Berwald's book and flicked through idly. I still didn't get why he insisted I read it today, but- hei, did something just fall out?

A note.

'Meet at 7 at the station.'

And with that, I rushed out of the house as quickly as I could. Straight past my irritating younger brother, whom I mentioned a while ago. He's got similar hair to me, although he seems to have inherited an incredibly thick pair of eyebrows from somewhere. No idea where.

'Eh? Where're you going now, Norge?' he asked through a tuna sandwich.

'I'm going to the station to meet someone. And what have I told you about talking with your mouth full?' Someone remind me how I manage to put up with him?

As expected, Berwald was waiting patiently on a bench near the station. It was... slightly scary how still he could be. I got the feeling he'd been there a while. He stood up as I approached on my bicycle, still saying nothing. In fact, he didn't even bother to make eye contact. Then I noticed just how much taller than me he was. I think he was even taller than Mathias. I'd only really seen him sitting down before, so it was quite a surprise.

'Sorry. You did mean today, then?' He nodded. As expressive as usual. 'Don't tell me you were waiting all night yesterday as well?' Another nod. 'So... why here?'

'Follow me.' He turned and walked off somewhere. That... didn't exactly answer my question, but I followed him anyway.

We arrived at what looked like a block of flats. The majority of lights had been turned off, since it was quite late and people were asleep, but there were still one or two windows lit up. Thanks to the lift, we got to Berwald's apartment fairly quickly. The first thing he did was make a pot of coffee.

'So, uh... where's your family?' I tried to start a conversation, although I'm not entirely sure why I bothered.

'Not here.'

'Well, I can see that, but... have they gone somewhere?'

''m the only one here.'

'You live on your own?' He nodded. That seemed to be a fairly standard response by now. 'So what was it you wanted to bring me here for? Can't you speak to me at school?'

He simply poured some coffee into a mug and handed it to me. 'Drink't.' I guess Berwald must have figured that I practically live on coffee... and I don't know where this one came from, but it was not bad at all. And once I'd finished that mug, he poured me another one. This carried on for a while, until I was pretty much fit to burst with coffee.

'Ok. Isn't it about time you told me why you brought me out here?' Silence. I could feel his eyes boring holes into me... was he even blinking?

'...'t's about Mathias Køhler. And about myself. That's what I would like to talk 'bout.' His speech seemed to me to be a bizarre mix of dropped letters and overly long words. It was... odd.

'Ok... you and Mathias. What's up?'

'...'t's difficult to find th'words. There might be discrepancies in the transmission of data, but please list'n. Mathias Køhler and I're not ordinary human beings.'

'Well, yeah, I figured you weren't exactly normal.'

'Not what I mean. 'm not referring to personality traits. What I mean's literal - he and I're not ordinary human beings, like you. I've been created by the Data Int'gration Thought Entity that watches this galaxy. I am a Humanoid Interface d'signed for interaction with humans. Understand?'

...what the _heck_? I mean, this is... that's... just _what_?

'I s'pose you would term me an alien.'

'...an... alien.' This is roughly the point where I started seriously questioning things. Berwald... an _alien_? I suppose that would explain the lack of blinking, but this really couldn't be possible. I mean, aliens can't actually _exist_... can they?

'My mission's to observe Mathias Køhler 'n report back to the Data Int'gration Thought Entity. Been performing that task s'nce my creation three years'go. 't's been quite peaceful, with no anomalies in the data. H'wever, irregularities've appeared near Mathias Køhler that can't be 'gnored. That... 'd be you.'

By now I was fairly certain that Berwald was talking gibberish. Typical... as soon as he starts speaking, it makes no sense whatsoever!

'T'the Data Int'gration Thought Entity, this planet had no s'gnificance. H'wever, cognitive ability that could be called intelligence d'veloped, 'n the planet grew 'n significance. Throughout th'universe, creatures evolve. Humans were the only beings that developed something that could be called intellect. Then, three years'go, they noticed an odd flare'f data starting in this area wh'ch quickly spread over the whole world then further 'nto space. In the centre'f all this was Mathias Køhler.

'Mult'ple observations have occured around Mathias Køhler, but he r'mains an enigma. H'wever, one section of th'Entity continues to observe Mathias Køhler, as they believe he may hold the key t'human evolution, as well's its own.

'B'cause th'Entity is an astral being, it cannot c'mmunicate with humans. That is why the Data Int'gration Thought Entity created Interfaces like myself t'communicate with humans. Through me, it can make contact with humans.

'We b'lieve that Mathias Køhler has th'potential for autoevolution. He can manipulate the environmental data for his own gain. That is why I am here... and why you're here.'

'Ok, stop there. I'm completely lost.' It's like I entered the Minotaur's lair and lost my ball of magic string, then all the walls shifted around, and... maybe that isn't the best symbolism to use.

'Trust me.' He expected me to trust him after telling me all that? That's like... trying to find your way out of a bowl of spaghetti. Everything's all twisty and turny, and... you know what? I'm going to stop trying to find a decent metaphor now. Let's just say I'm lost.

'Firstly, why me? Even if I believe you about all that Data Integration Whatchamaflip stuff, why reveal your identity to me?'

'B'cause you are the one Mathias Køhler has chosen. Whether he knows or not, Mathias Køhler has the ablilty to affect his surroundings. There is a reason he chose you.'

'No way!'

'Way. You and Mathias Køhler are in control of all th'possibilities.'

'You're _serious_ about all of this?'

''f course.' Berwald's expression had barely changed at all since... well, ever. Does he_ have_ any expressions?

I get the feeling it's going to take a_ long_ time for me to begin to understand.

'I bet it'd make Mathias insanely happy if you just went to him and told him.'

'The Data Int'gration Thought Entity believes that 'f Mathias Køhler is made aware of his abilities, 't would be catastrophic. For now, we observe.'

'Ok, but I could easily just run and tell him now.'

'Wouldn't b'lieve you.' Well, you certainly got _that_ one right. 'I'm not the only Interface observing Mathias Køhler. Another section is d'termined to use more proactive methods when dealing with Mathias Køhler, to observe the fluctuations of data. You are the key. If there is danger, you w'll be the first target.'

...that's it. I'm going.

Humanoid... inter... what? Berwald's always by himself reading about all this... it probably got to his head. He's the sort of person that would just stay cooped up in his own little world rather than talking to anyone. Can't he and Mathias just enjoy some _normal_ life for a change?

* * *

Well, Mathias was certainly enjoying something the next day.

'I can't believe it! We actually got a mysterious transfer student! Amazing, eh, Nor?' ...He's still calling me Nor. So annoying.

'You haven't even seen him yet. How can you be so sure he's mysterious?'

'Like I said, anyone who joins in that odd in-between-y period has to be mysterious!'

'I'd love to know who told you that. Someone with_ just_ as much intellect as you, probably. Besides, if you count all the people-'

'I'm going to see!'

'-and you're not listening.' Should have guessed.

Tino Väinämöinen had heroically returned to school after a single day. Well, fortune favours the brave, I guess. So brave, he'd challenged me to a game.

'I'm surprised to see you back after all Mathias has put you through.' Not that I mind, of course.

'Well, yes, but I realised I still had concerns.' Concerns? Like _what?_ I'm sure he said that before...

'What're you concerned about?'

'O-oh, nothing.'

I suddenly noticed a presence at my side. Berwald was, for once, not reading. From the looks of things, he wanted to play against Tino. I let Berwald have my seat and continue the game.

'You ever played this game before?' He shook his head. This should be interesting.

Interesting, because he was easily winning. Somehow he managed to concentrate on both the game and Tino, which I think was making the Finn feel uncomfortable.

'Sorry to keep you waiting!' Oh, guess who'd just come charging through the door like a bull at a matador. Those hinges must be made of some pretty sturdy stuff. 'Someone transferred into our school today, and he'll be joining us! So, your name is...' The way Mathias was acting, it was like he was introducing someone on a game show or something.

'Eirikur Steilsson, from Akureyri. Pleased to meet you.' ...was that a hint of sarcasm? Surely this white-haired guy wasn't coming to steal my snark crown? And was that a _puffin_ sitting on his shoulder?

'This is the SOS Brigade!' Of course, the idiot noticed nothing. 'I'm Mathias, the leader, and these are members one, two and three!' Why does he always leave _me_ 'til last when introducing us? 'That makes you member four!'

Eirikur looked around at us. 'I don't mind joining, but what _exactly_ do you do?'

Mathias grinned that stupid grin of his. 'Let me tell you exactly what we do. Attention!' _Finally_ we get to find out what he dragged us into by our elbows. Why elbows? No idea.

'The mission of the SOS Brigade is to find aliens, time travellers and espers and hang out with them!'

...I expected nothing less from the school's resident moron. I was reminded of Mathias' introduction on the first day...

'Oh, of course. As expected from Mr Køhler...' You _expected_ this? 'Ok, I'll join your club. Hope to have a good time with all of you.' That sounded awfully rehearsed, although I doubt Mathias noticed. And he's agreeing to this? After what he just said? I mean-

oh. Eirikur was holding his hand out to me. 'You going to shake it, or not? I'm new here, so I hope you'll show me what I'm supposed to be doing.'

'Oh, yeah, I'm-'

'That's Norge! The cute one is Tino, and the one with the glasses is Berwald!' I wish he'd stop butting in. I almost got someone to call me by my name...

Eirikur scanned the room, then turned back to me. 'Norge, huh...'

'That means we've got five members now!' Oh,_ good_, Mathias can count. I'm officially reassured. 'That makes us a proper extra-curricular club!'

So now we had Mathias Køhler, the Danish idiot. Berwald Oxenstierna, the Swede who never says anything. Tino Väinämöinen, the adorable Finn. Eirikur Steilsson, the Icelander who I don't know enough about to say anything. And me, the snarky Norwegian. For some reason, it was reminding me of the Kalmar Union, only hopefully this won't end as badly.

One thing's for sure, though. There is no way I am ever going to hear the end of this from my classmates.

* * *

A/N: Finally, something's happening! The mysterious transfer student shows up, and of course, it's Iceland!

Norge's brother is actually Sealand. I thought he'd fit the 'annoying younger sibling' better than Ice would. And alien Berwald is really awkward to write. Trying to balance Yuki's complex speech with Sweden's accent whilst still making it intelligible? Tricky.

Next chapter features a wild goose chase and more confusing poor Norge.

Until next time, hej då~


	6. Melancholy VI

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler VI - How To Break a Norwegian's Brain

* * *

It was the next day after school. I was still trying to comprehend what Berwald was talking about before, but nothing made sense. I opened the clubroom door-

and Mathias was up to his old tricks again. Tino was struggling to get out of his grip. He was also half-naked. _Faen!_ I turned straight back and slammed the door. Seriously, what was Mathias' problem? Can't he see that Tino _really_ isn't enjoying this?

By the time they'd finished, I was dreading what costume Tino had been forced into this time. And I was right to be worried. The unfortunate guy had been stuffed into a maid dress.

'When it comes to cute, nothing beats a maid dress!'

'I think you're forgetting. Tino's a guy.'

'Exactly! People love a crossdresser!' ...They do? 'Know what that makes this?' Mathias pulled out a camera. 'Picture time!'

'W-wha? Don't take a picture!' Tino protested. Like that was going to do anything. After taking a few of Tino standing by himself, Mathias handed the camera to me to carry on.

'Now, let's make things a little _sexier_!' With that declaration, Mathias started undoing the dress. He expected me to take_ pictures_ of him forcibly stripping Tino? Well, obviously he did. Despite Tino's protests and my general unwillingness, I did as I was asked. No, I'm _not_ proud of it, and I really don't know why I do as he demands. Other than the fact that he could quite easily make my daily life a living hell. Besides, what was Mathias going to do with these photos?

'_Leave'm_.' Berwald? Doing something? Yep. Berwald had left his chair by the window, and was now standing in front of Tino as if guarding him, glaring at Mathias. Tino gladly accepted the help, and hid behind Berwald. Mathias... wasn't too pleased.

'Berwald, let me do this!'

'E-ei... please don't...' Tino whimpered. He'd certainly perfected the victim look.

'Mathias, it's _fine_. You've got your pictures.' I stepped in before Mathias did anything. I hadn't seen him truly furious before, and I didn't really want to. Of course, Eirikur chose that precise moment to finally show his face. And that puffin was still there.

'What's going on here?' he asked.

'_Nothing_. Absolutely nothing.'

'Good good. Just making sure.' Eirikur made his way over to the table and sat himself down. Well, it's alright for _some_, I guess.

'K-kiitos- ah, thank you...' Tino said, looking up at Berwald.

'...'s ok.'

'Ok people!' Ah, good. Overbearing, cheerful Mathias had returned. No matter how annoying he is, I'd much rather have a happy Mathias than an angry one. 'The first official meeting of the SOS Brigade is now in session! We did a lot to get this far in such a short space of time! Passing out flyers, making a website, and now we're famous!' Well, _infamous_, certainly. I wonder which part of traumatising Tino makes this a success? 'But nobody's contacted us about mysteries yet! They say good things come to those who wait, but we can't wait! We're going to search for mysteries ourselves!'

And with that announcement, we were to search the city. The... incredibly _large_ city. For stuff we don't even know exists. True Mathias non-logic, I guess. At 9am on Saturday, meet in front of the station. Those late shall receive the death penalty. I hate to waste a day off school, but neither living hell nor the death penalty sounded too promising. Of course, I was the last one there anyway, despite being five minutes early.

'You're late, Norge! _Penalty_!'

* * *

The plan was to split up and search in a two and a three. We selected it by drawing cocktail sticks, two of which had been marked. I picked one of the marked sticks. And since I'd been paired with Tino? Maybe treating everyone to lunch wasn't such a bad penalty.

'Oi! Norge! It's not a date!' Mathias shouted at me. Why on earth would it be a date? I mean, Tino's more like a cute kitten you just want to protect than anything else. Still, I'm sure I'd enjoy a few hours in his company.

'So what _exactly_ are we looking for?' Eirikur asked.

'Anything weird. Anyone that looks un-ordinary. Maybe an alien trying to pass as human. Ya know, that sort of stuff.' ...is un-ordinary even a word? Tino looked confused, but Eirikur simply nodded.

'I... see. Aliens, time travellers, espers, or the traces they leave. Got it.' ...What did he get? He seemed to be incredibly accepting of Mathias' weirdness for someone who'd only been here for one or two days.

And so, we set off. Tino and I were to search the west, while Mathias, Eirikur and Berwald searched the east. If we found anything, call the other group and continue searching. Simple, nei?

'So, what do we do then?' Tino asked.

'Uh... I dunno. No point just standing here, so shall we walk around for a while?'

'Joo, good idea.' Well, good idea it may have been, but I can't say it took long to think of. Still, off we went. We wandered alongside a river for a while. It was... quite relaxing, actually. If anyone were watching us, they'd probably think we were indeed a pair of lovers on a date. Not a couple of morons who don't even know what they're supposed to be looking for.

'Eheh, this is the first time I've been out like this...' Tino said, shyly rubbing the back of his neck.

'Seriously? I would have thought people would have been all over you.'

'W-well... I can't. I'm not allowed- eh.' Tino suddenly shut up. It took a while for him to start talking again. In fact, at least three couples had strolled past before he spoke again. 'Norge?'

Tino looked at me with utmost determination. 'I have something to tell you.'

* * *

We sat ourselves on a bench next to the river. Again, Tino found it difficult to start talking.

'I... don't belong in this time plane. I'm from the future. I can't tell you when, even if I wanted to. I was required to receive hypnotism before travelling to this time plane, so I can't say anything beyond what's necessary. Please, keep that in mind.

'I-it's like... Like a flip-book. Time, I mean. It's just a collection of pictures, but put them together and it looks like it's moving. Time travel's like moving from one image to another. Scribbling on one picture won't mess up the future, it only affects one time plane. Do... you understand?

'I came to this time plane for one reason... Three years ago- ah, three years ago from here- we detected a timequake. Then we found we couldn't travel any further back than that.' Three years ago... this all seems horribly familiar, somehow. 'We figured there was a fault between time planes, but we only figured the reason recently- recently where I come from, that is.'

'What's the reason, then?' Don't tell me...

'Mathias Køhler.' _Dammit._ It was. Certainly popular, aren't you, Mathias? 'He was in the centre of the timequake. I can't say any more, because it's classified, but we're certain it's Mr Køhler.'

'How are you certain? I don't think Mathias would be capable of that.'

'We didn't think so either, but all the evidence points to him. We're still not sure how one person could mess with time planes, and he's completely oblivious.' Mathias is oblivious to a whole lot of things. 'I... I was sent to observe time variations around him. Call it surveillance.'

I said nothing. First Berwald, now Tino?

'Ahaha, you probably don't believe a word I'm saying...'

'Not really. Why are you telling me this?'

'You're the one Mathias Køhler chose. It's classified, so I can't explain, but you're really important to Mr Køhler.'

'But Berwald and Eirikur-'

'They're similar to me, in a way. I... never expected Mr Køhler to gather us in such a precise fashion...'

'Then, do you know what they are?'

'Classified.'

'What happens if you just leave him alone?

'Classified.'

'And if you're from the future, don't you know what's going to happen?'

'Classified.'

'So what if I just tell Mathias everything?'

'Classified. I-I'm sorry, I just can't tell you. It's ok if you don't believe me, I just wanted to let you know...' Tino's voice trailed off somewhere. I couldn't help but feel a sense of déja vu, especially since this was almost exactly what Berwald had told me the other day.

So now we had an alien and a time traveller. What's going on here?

We watched the river in silence for a while.

'...Tino?'

'Joo?'

'Can we just... put all this on hold? Ignore whether I believe you or not.'

'Of course.'

'Just one more question. If you don't mind, Tino, exactly how old are you?'

Tino smiled the cutest smile ever. 'Classified.'

* * *

A phone call from Mathias brought us crashing straight back to reality. He ordered us to reassemble at the station at noon. And it was 11.50. There was _no_ chance that we'd make it back in time. As expected, he wasn't too impressed when we showed up late.

'Well? Find anything?'

'Not a thing.'

'_Argh!_ Were you even looking? And you, Tino?'

'U-uh, nothing.'

After that display of complete failure, we had lunch. Relentless as ever, Mathias split us up into different groups. This time, I ended up with Berwald, causing Mathias to glare at both us and his unmarked stick. Oh, I forgot to mention. Berwald was in his school uniform. This... would be incredibly fun.

Mathias' final order was simple. 'Meet back at the station at four, and _find_ something this time!' Once he'd finished his coffee, he, Eirikur and Tino left to search the north of the city.

'So... what do we do?'

Berwald said nothing. I set off, and he followed. I think I was starting to figure this guy out. A little.

'About what you said the other day... I think I can start to believe you.'

'...I see.'

We continued to wander around for a bit.

'Do you have any normal clothes?'

Again, no response. I asked one or two more questions, but got the same dead silence. This was starting to annoy me, so we headed to the library. After all, Berwald spent most of his time reading. I sat myself down on a sofa and left him to it. Somehow, I ended up... snoozing, shall we say? That is, until I got a phonecall from a very angry Mathias. It was 4.30. We were half an hour late. That, in Mathias' eyes, was unforgivable. Ignoring the onslaught of phonecalls, I ended up getting Berwald a library card so he could take out the book he'd been engrossed in. When we finally showed up, we were greeted by three very different expressions. Eirikur was completely indifferent. Tino was smiling awkwardly, but Mathias was most definitely not happy.

'Late again! Penalty!'

...Looks like I'd be buying drinks again.

* * *

Nobody had found a single strange phenomenon during the day's search. As expected, really. So today was a waste of both time and money. Before we left, though, Tino came and whispered to me, 'Thanks for listening to my story today.' Then he left.

'Ok, Norge. What exactly were you and Tino doing today?' Mathias asked, grumpily.

'What about you? Did you find anything?' How could he criticise me if he couldn't find anything himself?

'That's irrelevant! I'll be reviewing your behaviour on Monday!'

Well, Monday came. It was excessively warm, so I ended up fanning myself with one of my books to try to keep cool. Mathias came in just before the bell rang.

'Hey, Nor. Send me some of that, will ya?'

'No.'

Once the day had ended, and after putting up with Mathias' contempt all day, I fled to the relative safety of the clubroom. After all, there was one person I'd barely had the chance to talk to, and I was sure he'd have a story to tell.

'Eirikur.'

'Já?'

'Don't _you_ have something you want to talk about regarding Mathias?'

Eirikur took me outside, and bought us both coffees. Clearly, he did have something to say. And that puffin seemed to be permanently attached to his head.

'I assume Berwald and Tino have already explained their side of the story?'

'Indeed.'

'How much do you know?'

'Just that Mathias isn't exactly normal.'

'Makes my job easier, then. That's exactly it.'

'Ok, begin at the beginning, please. Who exactly are you?'

Then the puffin spoke. '_OI!_ Be patient, will ya? He's about to explain, ya _punk!_'

'_Quiet_, Puffin.' Eirikur motioned for the puffin to shut up.

'I-it speaks!' Just then, I was too in shock to do anything other than state the obvious.

'And your hair floats. What of it?' Fair point.

'Anyway, in case you hadn't guessed, I guess you'd call me an esper. I wasn't planning on transferring in so suddenly, but circumstances change. I certainly didn't expect_ those_ two to join up with Mathias Køhler so suddenly. Still, I'm sure we'll have plenty of opportunities to talk. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and I _certainly_ have things to show you. For now, you get the short version.'

I prepared myself for another confusing, overly long and downright unbelievable explanation of what exactly Eirikur was doing here.

'The Agency I belong to has many espers besides myself. There are plenty just in this school, and we've been watching Mathias Køhler since our creation three years ago.' Three years ago. I was beginning to despise that phrase. 'That's when something very interesting happened, and also when my powers awakened.'

'What exactly does Mathias have to do with whatever the hell happened three years ago?'

'The elders in the Agency believe this world is like a dream that one person is having. Since it's their dream, they can alter it incredibly easily. We're fairly sure that person is Mathias Køhler. For years, people have referred to such a being as God.' Wait, wait, _wait_. He's calling that idiot _God_ now? How did he get so popular?

Eirikur saw my look of disbelief and sighed. 'Put it this way. You've got an esper, a time traveller and an alien all hanging around in the same place. You think it's just coincidence? It's all happening because that's what Mathias wished for three years ago.'

'You're saying he remodelled the universe?'

'...More like this universe began three years ago. Anyway, it's just our theory.'

My brain was hurting again. 'Whatever. What do you want to do with Mathias anyway?'

'Upset God, you break the universe. It'd be broken and reshaped before you could think. And I'm not sure about you, but I kinda like this universe the way it is.'

'Couldn't you just tell Mathias yourself? That'd certainly keep him happy.'

'Well, some members think just that. But the way I see it, if Mathias discovers what he can do, the universe is in big trouble.'

'Sure you aren't the ones dreaming this world up?'

'It's a possibility, but not a very likely one.'

'Ok, then. If you're an esper, reheat my coffee. It got cold while you were explaining, and I'm not too fond of cold coffee.'

'Sorry, but that would be much too convenient. My powers don't work under most circumstances. Like I said, I'm sure I can show you soon.' Eirikur stood up. 'Sorry for speaking for so long, but I think that's enough for today. By the way, the biggest mystery here is definitely you. I did a little checking up on you, and I can assure you that you're 100% human. From what we can tell, anyway.'

...My coffee's still cold, you know. Heat it up, dammit.

* * *

A/N: Hej! Sorry about the late update, I've been busy.

I bought the first Haruhi light novel yesterday, and I have a week off school, so I might actually get some proper updating done. Hooray!

I finally feel like the characters are themselves now, not just reprints of Haruhi characters. Iceland in particular is completely different to Koizumi, so that's how I tried to write him. Also, the Gensou concert makes great background music for writing.

Not too long until the big fight scene! Yay!

Until next time, sayonara~


	7. Melancholy VII

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler VII - Swedish and Russian Aliens

* * *

Mathias never showed up to the clubroom that day.

The next day, I arrived to see a very odd sight indeed. Mathias was slumped over his desk, and Ivan leaning over, concerned. I went over to investigate.

'Ah, good morning,' Ivan said. There was a clear note of worry in his voice, which seemed a little unusual. Then I remembered that he was class president, and being worried was his job. 'Take care of him, da?' He smiled and walked off. Wait, he was just going to leave Mathias depressed on the desk just because_ I'm _here? Oh yeah, I forgot. He thinks I'm Mathias' babysitter.

'So why didn't you show up yesterday? Thought you wanted to review my behaviour?'

'Shut up...' He turned his head to the side. 'I had a review session by myself, ok?'

After a little probing, it transpired that Mathias had gone back to the city yesterday evening and walked the entirety of Saturday's course by himself. Now he was exhausted. You'd think that would be obvious, but...

'Mathias, why don't you just stop searching for things you're never going to find? Just go out and have fun like a normal person.'

'What kinda fun does a _normal_ person have?'

'I dunno, get yourself a date and go walking around looking for mysteries with them or something.'

'Feh. What do I care? Love's just a distraction. I mean, I've got needs, but it's really just a form of mental illness. And if I go dating, what's gonna happen to the SOS Brigade? I only just made it!'

'Change it into a group that just has fun? You'll get way more people coming then.'

'_Hell no!_ That's boring! I mean, I got a cute mascot and a mysterious transfer student, so why is everyone ignoring us? Why can't some weird stuff happen_ nooooow_..?'

'Best not to go asking for trouble like that, da?' Ivan had returned, making me jump. 'Then again, it'd be nice to have something come along and make our lives more fun!'

No response from Mathias. He must be seriously depressed to not respond to a statement like that. Normally he'd be agreeing like crazy... although I must admit, that dejected face is kinda cute.

'Maybe Køhler's in love!' Ivan leaned in annoyingly close to my face.

'Impossible.' Mathias falling in love? Something interesting showing up to keep him happy? _Neither_ of those are going to happen any time soon!

...Is what I thought at the time...

* * *

Thing is, while I was talking to Mathias that morning, there was something else on my mind. I'd found a note in my locker, hastily scribbled on a piece of notepaper. It was nothing like Berwald's almost-printed writing, and I doubt Tino would leave a note on that sort of paper. Besides, the note was telling me to meet in my classroom after everyone had left school. Tino would have specified a time, not just 'after everyone has gone'. Mathias wouldn't have gone to the trouble of leaving a note, he'd just drag me off somewhere again. And Eirikur? I really don't think so. He'd probably ask to talk directly. So who could have left it? Maybe Feliks and Toris are playing a practical joke on me. Just have to wait and see, I guess.

I knocked before entering the clubroom, in case I ran into Tino changing again, but Berwald was the only person in the clubroom when I got there. I was reminded of the note he'd left in the book he gave me. I really ought to give him that book back. I don't have any use for it. Then Mathias came storming in, surprisingly not slamming the door as hard as usual. He sat himself down at the computer.

'We seriously need an air conditioner in here, it's so hot!' I was inclined to agree with him for once, but I said nothing. Then I noticed exactly what was on the computer screen. It was those pictures of Tino in the maid dress. And from what I could gather, those pictures were going straight on the Brigade website.

'What the _heck_ are you doing?'

'They're just pictures, Norge.' He picked the monitor up and shoved it in my face. '_Really_ cute pictures of Tino!'

'I can see that, idiot! What are you _doing_ with them?' Mathias stood up and walked over to the window. I took the opportunity to sit myself at the computer.

'If I put these on the SOS Brigade's website, we'll get plenty of hits!' he continued, not noticing that I was deleting the lot. Well, for a short while, anyway. 'Waaait! Argh, what're ya doing, Norge?'

'I'm getting rid of these photos. I would have thought you'd be able to tell.'

'But _why?_'

'Because you need to learn this thing called _privacy_!' If Tino found out that all those pictures were on the internet, he'd faint on the spot. Mathias glared at me as I tried to explain exactly _why_ this was a bad thing. I think I may have got the message across in the end, but _damn_, it was hard work. Finally, he agreed to let me delete them. Now, at this point, some people would find some private folder on the computer to store the pictures for their own viewing pleasure. But I'm not a pervert, so I deleted them. Ha. Take that, hateful camera.

'That's it, I'm going home.' Mathias, clearly still irritated with me, picked up his stuff and headed straight out of the clubroom. As he opened the door, he almost walked straight into Tino, who had just arrived.

'A-ah, sorry...' Tino stuttered, but Mathias just left without saying anything. He was in a really bad mood, but thankfully not angry.

Nobody did much in the club. Eirikur showed up after a while, but only to announce that he had to go to work and therefore leave early. I wonder what kind of job he's got? Maybe he's a puffin-keeper... We took that as our cue to leave. After all, I had to see who had left that note in my locker. The majority of people would have left school by now, as it was getting fairly late. So late, the sun was setting. It's really odd seeing school at sunset. I headed straight for my classroom, where the note specified.

* * *

Well, Ivan Braginsky was the _last_ person I expected to see there.

'Come in, da?' He wandered over to the window. The sky was burnt orange.

'So it was you who left that note?'

'Da. Surprised?' Yes, actually. Very surprised.

'What do you want from me?' I was deliberately as blunt as possible. There was just something about him that I didn't trust at all.

'To talk about something... well, a question about Køhler. What do you think of him?' What do I think of him? And what's everyone's obsession with Mathias? 'They say it's better to regret doing something than to regret not doing it. What do you think?'

'Can't say I've heard people saying that before, but it sounds fairly logical.'

'Well, ok. Say you knew that if you kept everything the same you'd be in trouble, and you didn't have a clue how to make things better. What would you do about that?'

'I'm not sure I follow you. What are you on about?'

'Well, wouldn't you try to change something? Nothing would get better if you stay the same, da?'

'If you put it that way, then yes.'

'Then you agree! But my superiors are stubborn and lack vision. If you do nothing in the field, things go from bad to worse, so surely it's better to force change if you know it's for the best?' ...hang on, what's he saying? Please don't tell me this is one of Feliks' jokes. I wouldn't be surprised if he were hiding somewhere with a camera laughing at me.

He continued. 'I'm getting bored with all of this nothingness. Which is why I'm going to kill you and see how Køhler reacts.' Wha-

is that a _pipe?_ Where in the name of _Muspellheim_ did that come from? And did he just say he was going to_ kill_ me? _Faen!_

'S-stop messing around! You could _hurt_ someone!'

'...you think it's a... joke? You don't want to die? I'm sorry, but your death is necessary for change.'

'It's not necessary at all! Seriously, put that_ down!_' At any other time, this concept would seem ridiculous. But backing away from Ivan, who was wielding a pipe? Not funny at all. I mean, the guy was creepy enough before, but _damn_...

'_Ufu_... Whether you care or not, I really want you to die!' Ivan lunged at me again, and I only just managed to dodge the pipe. That was it, I was out of-

what the heck? The door wasn't there any more! The entire wall had been covered with some strange pattern, and any gaps had been sealed off! On all sides of the room, too, so there wasn't even any light left...

'It's useless. Right now, this room is one with me. Nothing can enter, nothing can leave. _Ufu_...'

Ok, I have no idea what's going on any more. My classmate is trying to kill me with a _pipe_, for Thor's sake! If anyone has a clue, get the hell over here and explain it to me!

'Just give up. You shall die anyway, so let me kill you.'

'What the hell are you anyway?' Ivan said nothing, just carried on smiling that deranged smile of his. Then a bunch of tables came flying at me, and I barely escaped. _Crap_. Now I was stuck in a corner, and the 'classroom' was barely recognisable. Wait, a chair! Great! I can use that for something, surely! I dislodged it from a pile of rubble, and launched it straight towards Ivan.

'_Nyet_. Don't forget, this room is one with me.' He'd somehow raised a shield, and that chair certainly wasn't making any contact. _Shit_! Ivan was going to kill _me_ to see how Mathias would react? How the _fuck_ does that work?

'_Ufu_... I should have done this from the start, da?' Huh- I can't move! That's just _not fair_! 'Your death is the perfect way to make Mathias Køhler react. Finally, I shall observe an explosion of data. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.' You don't say! He raised his pipe high in the air. 'And now, die!' _Shit-_

A massive explosion came from the side of the room, obscuring my view. And with bits of wall flying everywhere? That _hurt_! Huh... I can move again!

Then I noticed what had arrived in front of me. Or rather, _who_ had arrived.

Berwald Oxenstierna was holding off Ivan's pipe.

'There are flaws in your programming,' he began. 'Your data-shutdown 'n spatial blockades're faulty. 't's how I detected you. How I was allowed inside.'

'You stopped me?' For the first time, Ivan had stopped smiling. 'But if I kill this human, Mathias Køhler will do something interesting!'

'You're my backup unit. 's not your job to act on your own.' Berwald's voice seemed... harder, somehow. 'You obey my orders.'

'And if I say no?'

'Your data link will be terminated.'

'_Ufu_... like to try? I have the upper hand. This space is one with me.'

'Commence r'quest for data link termination.' And with that, Ivan's pipe began to disappear. Shocked, Ivan jumped backwards. Really high. And giggled. That was about the point where I realised that these two _really_ weren't human...

Stretching his hand out, Ivan unleashed a blast of energy straight towards Berwald. Berwald raised his own hand to shield us both. 'Stay b'hind me,' he commanded, and he grabbed me by my collar and threw me downwards. Something exploded to the left of me.

'You cannot defeat me in this space!' Ivan shrieked.

Berwald muttered something unintelligible. And by unintelligible, I mean it was way too fast to be produced by any mouth... any human mouth, that is. 'Name: Ivan Br'ginsky. Term'nating link to organic lifeform.'

'I'll stop your functions before that happens!' Ivan looked completely demented, and the apparitions flitting from side to side certainly didn't help. Oh, did I mention that the classroom had been reduced to some psychedelic swirling mass? I tried to get up in order to get away, but Berwald swung his leg around, kicking me in the face and sending me flying. Still, rather a hurting face than death, as these explosions seemed to be becoming fairly common...

'_Ufu_... how long can you last if you protect him while fighting me?' A chorus of low voices had started, chanting the same word over and over. The word? _'Kol'_. Ivan launched an array of... _something_ straight at me. Berwald nimbly dodged another series of explosions and put up another shield. As he landed, Ivan sent a bunch of metal spikes in my direction. This guy was _serious!_ Berwald jumped straight in front of me-

and got impaled by every single one of those spikes.

_Shit._

His glasses falling off were the least of his worries. Those spikes were now covered in his blood! Nobody could survive-

'Stay where you are. 'm fine.' Well, you don't look fine! Berwald took hold of one of the spikes and simply pulled it out, letting it drop to the floor with a clang.

'_Ufu_... with that much damage, you won't be able to interfere with any more data. Now you _die!_' Ivan had transformed his arms into blades, and sent them straight through Berwald's torso, splattering my face with his blood. Berwald was lifted into the air.

'...'t's over.' Berwald muttered.

'Your _life_ for the last three years?' Ivan's creepy smile had returned.

'Nej. Commence term'nation of data link.' He'd... _done it?_ The debris from the chairs and tables started to dissolve away into nothingness, and once again the surroundings changed.

'N... _nyet!_ I-it can't be!' Ivan released the armblades just as they began to vanish.

'You were'n advanced interface. 's why it took so long. But 't's over now.' Berwald's feet returned to the ground. The spikes had gone, as had the blades.

'You modified your program? I thought you seemed weak... that's why you used all of your attack data at the start, da?' Ivan shook his head. 'What a shame... I was just a backup interface after all, da... I thought this was my chance to make something happen...' His eyes met mine. Just as demented as before, but as his limbs were disappearing... 'Looks like I lost, da? Aren't you happy you get to live a bit longer? _Ufu_... you'd better be careful, though. There are more interfaces out there, and I'm sure at least one will be seeking radical change too. Until then, enjoy your time with Mathias Køhler. Da svedanya... _ufu!_' As he spoke those last few words, Ivan Braginsky vanished completely. Berwald collapsed to the floor.

'B-Berwald! I'll get some help!' I shouted.

'Nej. My physical injuries're not critical. Space needs to be corrected first.' With one last explosion, the classroom was restored to its former glory. And I never thought 'classroom' and 'glory' would go together in the same sentence before, but after an event like that, any normality is gladly welcomed.

'...Are you sure you're ok?' I asked. Berwald simply nodded.

'Repair in progress-' Berwald stopped, feeling his face.

'What's wrong?'

'F'rgot to recreate the glasses.'

'Oh, ok. You probably should. Not that I have a glasses fetish or anything, you just look much better with glasses.'

'...what's a glasses fetish?'

Eh? He... didn't know? He took all that time to research how clubs worked, school uniform, all the crap like that, and yet knowing that he was at a high school, _didn't_ research fetishes? '...It's nothing, really. Forget it.'

'I... see.'

The door opened behind me. Who should walk in but Feliks, humming a merry tune to himself? Well... if you could see how Berwald and I were positioned, you'd most likely react in the same way as Feliks. That would be... thinking we'd been doing something dirty.

'U-uh, ok... Take your time!' Feliks yelled, before running out of there as fast as he could.

''nteresting human.' Berwald commented. I laughed.

'Oh, what are we going to do...'

'Leave it t' me. 'm an expert at controlling data. 'll make it so Ivan Braginsky suddenly transfers.' That's not what I was talking about... Well, as for the last ten minutes? I think it's safe to say that was most _definitely_ not normal. I think it's also safe to say that I believe Berwald's story now. And that incident made me realise just what danger feels like.

So yeah, I think unless the Data Integration Thought Entity has an office in Stockholm, Berwald isn't _actually_ from Sweden. But it's a pretty good coverup, nonetheless.

* * *

A/N: Le gasp! Incredibly quick update!

To tell the truth, I'd written this scene beforehand. And it was a lot of fun. [And sorry, but the 'one with Russia' line was too perfect to pass up.]

Future Finland shows up next chapter! Woohoo!

Until next time, da svedanya~


	8. Melancholy VIII

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler VIII - From Finland with Not Much Love

* * *

As expected, Ivan Braginsky didn't turn up at school the next day. Or at least, as_ I_ expected. Nobody else in the room had nearly been killed by their deranged classmate last night. Berwald had created a cover story that his parents had to transfer back to Moscow at incredibly short notice.

'Ee_eeh_?' Well, that certainly got Mathias' attention. 'Hear that, Nor? A mystery!_ Finally!_' He had that glimmer in his eye that was never a good sign, but I couldn't exactly tell him the truth. Oh, yeah, Ivan? He's actually an alien that tried to kill me in order to get a reaction from you. But it's ok, I was saved by Berwald who's also an alien. Then Feliks thought we were making out. ...Yeah, I _don't_ think that'd go down too well. Besides, I was still trying to convince _myself_ that it was all just one big hallucination.

'This is too awesome! First we get Eirikur transferring in, then Ivan transferring out! We're investigating this!' ...Right now, I don't need the extra work.

Again, I'd got something on my mind. Because I'd found a second note in my locker this morning. At least this one was in an envelope. Apparently my locker was now a postbox. Let's see how long it is until I get adverts for stuff nobody needs arriving in my locker... Anyway, this time the note was signed with an actual name. That name would be Tino Väinämöinen.

This time I was a little more on my guard. After yesterday's events I couldn't be too trusting of any note I found in my locker, but on the other hand, Tino wanted to speak with me. Of course, I couldn't be too sure that Tino was the one that wrote it, but something told me this one was genuine. Besides, we were meeting in the clubroom. Berwald would be there.

* * *

I knocked on the clubroom door, and heard a 'Come in!' from the other side. I opened the door...

wait, who on earth is _he_? He's much too old to be a member of our school. He looked vaguely like Tino, but his hair was much wilder, and he had a scar over his right eye. And I think that was a military uniform of some description that he was wearing, with a white beret. It certainly wasn't the Tino I was expecting.

'Hei, Norge! It's been so long!' He moved from the windowsill straight towards me. He was certainly much more... I dunno. Just... _not_ Tino.

'Uh... Does Tino have an older brother he didn't tell me about or something?'

He laughed. 'But it's _me_, Norge! Tino Väinämöinen! Just... from a bit further in the future than the Tino you know. I wanted to see you...' He- uh, Future-Tino- looked at my face, and... got a little angry? 'You don't trust me? Fine! I'll prove it!' Future-Tino started unbuttoning his shirt. Clearly years of stripping from Mathias had gone to his head. He pointed to his chest. 'See? I've got a mole here. The one you pointed out to me.' Wait, I've done no such thing! The only time I've seen_ that_ much of Tino was when I've walked in on him changing, and I _certainly_ wasn't paying attention to moles!

Future-Tino looked puzzled. 'This is the one you- oh, _perkele!_ You haven't done it yet! Just- just _forget_ it, Norge!'

'No, no, it's fine, I believe you. To be honest, I'll believe anything right now... so if you're here, that means there are two Tinos in the same time plane, right?'

'Oh, yeah. I- sorry, past me is eating lunch with classmates right now. There's something I needed to tell you, so I managed to persuade my superiors to let me return to this time plane. Oh, and I asked Berwald to go elsewhere for a while.'

'I- wait, you know about Berwald?'

'Classified. Eheh, it's been forever since I last said that. But yeah, Berwald... _ahem._ I won't be able to stay in this time plane much longer, so I'll just hurry up and talk. And remember this, it's important. Do you know the story of Snow White?'

'Snow White?' Of course I do. Well, the original, or the Disney version? Because as I remember, they're quite different. They end in the same way, of course. Everyone loves a happy ending. 'Sure I do. Why?'

'If you're ever in danger, remember the story.'

'Ok, the dwarves, the wicked queen, the poisoned apple, the various other poisoned implements that weren't in the Disney version? All that stuff?'

'Joo, that's right.'

'If you're talking about serious danger, I had some of that yesterday.'

'The danger I'm talking about is worse than that. I can't say too much, but when the time comes, Mathias Køhler will be there.'

'Huh? Mathias? What's going to happen?'

'Well, _he_ won't consider it dangerous at all. He'll probably quite enjoy it. But it will be dangerous not just for you and him, but for the whole world. Bear that in mind, Norge.'

'Come on, can't you give me anything more? Classified, no doubt.'

'Sorry, I can only give you hints. Be grateful you got_ that_ much.'

'Ok, I'll try to remember Snow White.'

Future-Tino smiled. That was more like the Tino I knew. He looked around the clubroom, as if trying to take it all in. He noticed the maid dress hanging up, and laughed. 'I'm amazed I could wear something like this. It's out of the question now...'

'What else did Mathias force you into?' I asked mainly out of curiosity.

'That's a secret! It's too embarrassing to say. You'll find out soon enough, ei? Anyway, I need to return to the future now. One last thing...' He may be much older, but he was still shorter than me. He leaned up into my face and muttered, 'Don't get too close to the me that's here now.' Then he left. Well, there was no chance of _that_.

'Wait! I still need to ask!' Future-Tino stopped in the doorway. 'How old are you now?'

That exact same smile I saw the other day. 'That's classified.'

The door shut behind him.

Future-Tino said it had been ages, so that meant Tino returned to the future at some point. How many years between this Tino and that one? I thought for a while, then figured I should probably get back to the classroom. Then Berwald opened the door.

'Oh, hei, Berwald. Don't suppose you saw someone just now who looked a lot like Tino?' I asked, jokingly. He took me completely seriously, though.

'Mm. Tino from another time plane. Saw'm just now.' He sat down in his usual chair and started reading. Does he ever do anything else?

'Never asked before, but can you time travel like he can?'

'Nej. But 't's not that difficult.'

'Oh? Give me some tips then.'

'Language can't convey it.'

'Oh. My loss, I guess.'

'Your loss.'

'Oh, Berwald? Thanks again for yesterday.'

'Don't thank me. Ivan's behaviour was my r'sponsibility. I failed.'

'Nah. I'd still be dead if you hadn't shown up.'

'...mm.' Did he... hang his head slightly?

* * *

'Norge! Where were you?' Oh, good. Mathias didn't look happy when I got back to the classroom. 'I didn't even eat lunch, I was waiting for you!' Well, that's your own stupid fault. You should have eaten something. 'I asked around, and no-one knew Ivan was transferring out until this morning! Apparently, someone claiming to be his father called up and said they were moving to Moscow! And they didn't even leave contact info! That's strange, isn't it?'

'Believe what you want...'

'There's more! I got his old address, so I'm going over there after school!'

Don't you just _love _the feeling of utter futility? There must be _some _reason I let Mathias drag me around like this. Quite literally in this case - he was dragging me around by my collar. Makes a change from the tie, I guess.

'And _you're_ coming with me!'

'Why me?' Then he dropped me. Ouch.

'Call yourself a member of the SOS Brigade?' Well, no, actually, I don't. _You_ do. But of course, Mathias payed as much attention to me as usual as he slammed an SOS Brigade poster onto the clubroom door.

'SOS Brigade - Self Investigation Day'.

I suppose that was the polite way of saying club was cancelled for the day.

* * *

A/N: Updating at rocket speed, yeah yeah~

Attempting to steer this away from NorFin is a little tricky. I think it's more like Norge just has a soft spot for cute things. Like the bunnies he's often depicted with. Whether that's the way it comes out in this fic is debatable...

Next chapter, Mathias bemoans the futility of life.

Until next time, nakemiin~


	9. Melancholy IX

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler IX - Insignificance

* * *

Walking home from school, side-by-side with Mathias? Some would think that would be a dream. Why am I not enjoying myself?

'That way.' Mathias looked at his notes, with Ivan's former address scribbled on it, and pointed in the direction of a set of apartments. 'Did ya say something?'

'Nope. Nothing.'

Mathias wandered off ahead, and I realised exactly where we were. Of course, last time I'd been here I'd come from the direction of the station... but pretty soon, we'd be in front of Berwald's apartment.

'Apparently, Ivan lived here. Number 505. Lot of apartments here, eh, Nor?'

'Yes. A lot. And how do you propose we get inside?' I pointed over to a small terminal. 'You got the code for the door?'

'Uh, no. But if we wait long enough- aha!' Presumably, Mathias was about to say something along the lines of 'if we wait long enough, someone will come out and we can sneak in'. And he was interrupted by just that. I'm getting a little tired of all these coincidences around Mathias...

The man who had just opened the door was pretty short. He had long black hair tied back in a ponytail. Somehow I got the feeling that he was much older than he looked. He waited expectantly for Mathias to shift. Eventually Mathias twigged, and moved out of his way. Once the man had gone, however, Mathias shoved his foot in between the closing doors, which promptly opened again, and dragged me inside. Apparently, I'm incapable of going anywhere myself.

We found ourselves in a lift. Number 505 was, logically, on the fifth floor, so that's where we headed.

'It's just weird! Transferring to Russia all of a sudden, not even leaving any contact details?'

'Yeah, I know. Weird. People don't usually do that. You've told me already multiple times.'

'And there's no record anywhere of him attending a middle school!' Well, of course not. If his whole cover-up is being from Russia, he wouldn't waste his time attending school there if you're the one he's meant to be watching! Of course, I can't exactly tell him that. 'How do you go that long without going to school?'

'Maybe the guy was home-schooled or something.'

'I'm sure he's been here for a while, though! There are plenty of schools here, why not just go to one of them?'

I sighed. There really was very little point in us being here, we weren't going to find anything. But as long as it keeps him happy, then... yeah.

What Mathias hadn't realised was that the door to Ivan's former apartment would be locked. It would be logical to anyone else, but unfortunately, this idiot's in charge.

'In that case, we're going to the Manager's Office!' And there is absolutely no point in arguing with a brick wall. So off to the Manager's Office we went.

* * *

Surprisingly, the Manager was a woman. A fairly young woman with a green headband.

'Hej, we're friends of Ivan Braginsky.' Friends? _Liar! _You never exchanged a single word! He said something to you and you completely ignored him! 'We heard he moved away suddenly, and he didn't leave a new address. Can ya help us?'

The Manager smiled and nodded. 'You mean Braginsky in 505, non? Well, there weren't any moving lorries, but somehow the place has been emptied! What a surprise!'

'I know! It's strange!' Can't you find _any_ words to describe it other than strange or weird?

'I don't even know where he's gone. Didn't say. Where am I supposed to send his mail?' the Manager mused to herself.

'How long did he live here, anyway?' Mathias asked.

'About three years, maybe?' As I thought. 'I remember the day he came. I'd not been on this job long, and this guy came along wearing a scarf in the middle of summer and gave me some waffles!'

'What about his parents?'

'Non, I don't remember any parents. Never saw them. Guy just waltzed in one day with waffles and a wad of money! Must be stinking rich!' Maybe Mathias should be a detective one day. He's an expert at getting the information he wants. 'It's a shame. I didn't even get to say goodbye... by the way, you're _really_ handsome.' She giggled. Something in me was a little too annoyed at that statement.

'Ya think? Thanks!' And the idiotic grin returned. Turn that 'little too annoyed' into 'really much more annoyed than I should have been'.

'Yeah, takk, but we're going now.' I steered Mathias away. We did _not_ come here to flirt.

'Oh, yeah, should have guessed. Got yourself a good find there, non? He is really _very_ attractive...' she whispered to me and winked. Did she think we were _dating_ or something? Because that is _certainly_ not the case.

We made our way outside, when Mathias suddenly stopped. I turned to see what he was looking at, and saw an incredibly familiar face.

'Berwald?' Yep. Him. He was carrying a bag of groceries. So he _does_ eat food. Always reassuring. After all, he had nothing while giving me coffee the other day. 'Had no idea you lived here! Coincidence, eh?' As long as he believes that, that's fine. 'Heard about Ivan Braginsky? He transferred out today, know anything?'

Berwald shook his head. In the most minimalistic way possible. 'Ok, let me know if you find anything,' Mathias commanded. And with that, he and I left. As I walked past Berwald, I heard a faint 'Be careful' from him. I turned to ask what he was on about, but he'd already walked into the building. What do I have to be careful of _now?_

* * *

Mathias and I walked along the road for a bit. I don't think he actually knew where he wanted to go now, but I followed anyway.

'Hej, Norge,' he asked suddenly. 'Ever consider just how insignificant you are?'

What kind of a question was that?

'I have, Norge. And it's not something I'm about to forget.

Our family went out to watch a football game in Copenhagen. I can't say I was too interested in the game itself, but it was the crowd that shocked me. The stadium was absolutely full of people. Over the other side, people looked more like grains of sand than human beings. It was so crowded, I thought everyone in Denmark was there. I asked, and since the stadium was full there were nearly forty-thousand people there. I worked it out, and that's less than 0,6% of Denmark's population. And that's just one country. There are billions of people in the world, and we're all just a tiny, insignificant fraction. There I was, one molecule of water in Denmark's drop, and that one drop is among countless other drops. Up until then, I thought I was special. Thought my family was special. Thought my school was special. But after then? It just wasn't true any more. Daily routine became the dullest thing ever, because I knew that everyone was doing the same. So I thought, with all those people, someone had to be interesting! But no, try to be interesting and you're considered odd and shunned by everyone. I thought in high school something would change... With people from just about everywhere, surely _someone_ had to be abnormal! ...No. Nothing.'

A train came rattling past at high speed, giving me an opportunity to think of a response. What could I have said? Nothing really came to mind...

'I'm going home.' Mathias' voice brought me back. He walked straight over the level crossing, just before another train came bursting through. Thing is, I'd get home faster if I went that way, but somehow Mathias' back told me not to follow. Sigh...

After taking the long route, I finally arrived at home. Before I could put my bicycle in the garage, however, an annoyingly familiar voice interrupted me.

'Hallo. Thought today would be a good opportunity to uphold my promise.' Somehow, Eirikur Steilsson had found where I lived. Oh yeah, he 'investigated' me, didn't he? _Creep._

'You sound like you know where I've been.'

'Later. For now, come with me.' He hailed a convenient taxi. Much too convenient.

'Let me guess. It's Mathias-related?'

'Mathias-related indeed.'

I really hope that puffin of Eirikur's is taxi-trained.

* * *

A/N: Rocket's still got plenty of fuel.

China and Belgium cameo! Actually, Belgium was a lot of fun to write. Waffles!

Next episode, Ice finally gets to show off his abilities. And Puffin gets even more annoying.

Until next time [most likely in a few hours, at the rate I'm going...], au revoir~


	10. Melancholy X

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler X - Super Icelandic Esper, Go!

* * *

The taxi seemed to be taking us to another city entirely. I stared out of the window, watching the world go past. For a while, anyway.

'Hei, Eirikur?'

'Já?'

'This was a very convenient taxi, wasn't it?'

He just laughed. It was a small laugh, but a laugh nonetheless, and that was the first of the sort I'd seen from this stoic Icelander.

'Which promise is this, exactly?' Because I couldn't really remember. I've had a hell of a lot on my mind these past few days...

'You wanted proof that I was an esper. Now I can give you some.'

'Do we have to go all this way?'

'Yes. I only have powers under certain conditions, and our destination has those conditions.'

I carried on staring out of the window. 'You still see Mathias as God, then?'

'You've heard of Schrodinger's Cat, right? The cat in the box, which you can't be sure is dead or alive until you look. Things aren't set until they're observed. Our theory goes a bit like that. The universe is irrelevant until it's observed.'

'But the universe is the universe. Whether it's observed is irrelevant.'

'_OI!_ If ya aren't gonna listen, don't ask!' Evidently the puffin had found its voice again.

'Puffin, what have I _told _you about butting in?' Eirikur sighed. 'Don't worry. You'll also find out why I keep this irritating bird around soon. And no, we don't think the universe was created by an omniscient, omnipotent God.'

'You're making no sense whatsoever.' We'd come to a set of traffic lights, and the taxi had stopped. I wonder if the driver was paying any attention to our conversation?

'...I thought as much. But we haven't got to Mathias Køhler yet.' The lights turned green, and we set off again.

'Why is everyone so obsessed with Mathias?'

'Because he has the capability to reshape the universe as he wishes.'

'Don't make statements like that with a straight face...'

'Why not? He wished for aliens, time travellers and espers to exist. And here we are. All gathered close to him, although he doesn't realise. Three years ago, I received these powers. Somehow, I and others like me are sure that Mathias Køhler is the cause.'

'Assuming I believe you, which, by the way, I don't, how could Mathias be the cause?'

'Indeed, it's puzzling. All that power in the hands of someone who finds this world boring is a scary thought.'

'How?'

'Well, if you found the world boring, wouldn't_ you_ want to do something about it?'

'Like I said before, if you just show yourself to Mathias, he'd be distracted enough to not destroy the world.'

'But then he'd take our existance as standard, and all the laws of physics would completely break down.'

'Hmm.' I thought for a while. 'Then if it's what Mathias wished, why hasn't he noticed yet?'

'Because he doesn't expect to.'

'Come again?'

'Deep down, Mathias Køhler has a firm grip on reality. He knows what should be real and what shouldn't, and those things he wished for are definitely on the 'shouldn't' list. His energy has been calm mostly. Then you came along.'

'Me? What did I do?'

'You gave him the idea for the SOS Brigade. If you hadn't done that, we'd still be observing from afar.' Tell me about it. I wouldn't have been nearly killed either. And I certainly wouldn't be in this taxi. Speaking of the taxi, we'd stopped for good now. Eirikur motioned for me to get out of the taxi, which I did.

* * *

I followed Eirikur to a zebra crossing.

'This is the place. I know it's a bit late, but you can still back out.'

'Back out? After that long a taxi journey, I don't really have a choice.'

'True.' Eirikur took hold of my hand. This wasn't the least bit creepy. Not at all. 'I'm sorry, but could you close your eyes?'

I did as he asked. I felt him gently pulling me forwards. Just a few steps. En, to, tre-

'You can open your eyes now.'

The world had gone dark. The sunset of a few seconds ago had vanished. We were still in the city, but somehow we weren't. This felt... _wrong._

'Creepy, isn't it?' Eirikur asked nonchalantly. 'This is a part of reality sealed off from the rest of the universe. We call it closed space. The middle of the road here is the barrier. It's about five kilometres in diameter.' He put his hand up to where he indicated. I did the same, and the world seemed to ripple around my hand. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't go any further than a few centimetres. 'Normally, people can't pass through the barrier. That's one of my abilities.

'Closed space is fairly common. Sometimes they appear every other day, other times it can be months between occurances. One thing's for sure, though - it's all the doing of Mathias Køhler. Closed space always occurs when he's emotionally unstable. I and other espers can detect it. Not sure why, we just know.'

'Come on! Ya know, all right!_ Explain!_' Can't Eirikur keep that puffin quiet?

'Yes, I know. It's... difficult to explain.'

This place was just... not right. None of the buildings were lit up. The only light came from a slight glow in the sky. There wasn't even any wind. It was so silent, you'd think the Earth had stopped.

'So did you bring me all the way out here to show me this nothingness?'

'Not just this. You'll see.' He stared off into the middle distance, as if waiting for something. 'You seem remarkably unsurprised.' Well, I've had my classmate go psycho and try to kill me, and I've seen cute little Tino all grown up. Right now, I'll believe anything.

'Ah, it's started. There.' I looked to where he was pointing. And what do I see?

Some great huge monster thing. Seriously, what the hell was it? All it looked like was a vaguely-humanoid blue blob thing. Whatever it was, it seemed to be taking great pleasure in obliterating the nearby buildings.

'We believe this is Mathias' irritation. Whenever he gets too annoyed with life, these closed spaces are created, and these monsters appear and destroy everything. Pretty effective stress relief. Also, do you see how it's ignoring the laws of physics? It's top-heavy, so it should collapse, but it doesn't.' How on _earth_ was Eirikur staying so calm?

'So you just let this thing destroy buildings?'

'No. Watch.' If I squinted, I could just about see a number of coloured dots flying around the beast. 'Other espers. It's our job to keep these monsters under control.'

'Well, they don't seem to be doing much.'

'Yet. I'd better join them. Puffin!' The puffin squawked loudly. A violet sphere of light surrounded Eirikur, and he and the puffin began to float. The sphere grew in both size and brightness, until I could no longer see Eirikur within it. Then it flew off to join the others.

This was just crazy.

I watched the dots orbiting the monster. They didn't appear to be doing much damage to the thing - until one of them circled its arm. Somehow they'd managed to slice its arm off. With its arm gone, the monster seemed to disintegrate fairly quickly. The dots flew around each other for a second, then dispersed. Eirikur came floating straight back to me.

'Ahem. Please excuse the interruption. Some espers have familiars that can boost their abilities within closed space. That's what Puffin does. Some are creatures, others are inanimate objects, but they all serve the same function.'

'Hah, see? I'm really important!' The puffin seemed incredibly proud. It had the sort of voice that drowns anything pleasant out.

'Unfortunately, I've been lumbered with _him._ He's quite full of himself.' He paused, and looked at the sky. 'One last thing.'

'I don't think much can beat that...'

'Once the monster is defeated, closed space collapses. It's quite impressive.' He gestured towards the dark sky. Huge cracks were appearing. I thought I could hear the sound of smashing glass, but it could easily have been just in my mind. A wave of energy blasted around the area, and the city returned to normal. I covered my ears, as the bustle of the city was deafening to someone who'd just been in complete silence.

* * *

Time passed. Eirikur had managed to summon another taxi.

'Understand now?'

'Not in the slightest.'

'Didn't think so. We call those things Celestials. Someone suggested the name Tony, but that didn't go down too well. They're linked to Mathias Køhler's emotional state. I only get to unleash my powers when he's in a really bad mood and creates those things, and when I'm not in closed space I can't do a thing. And why me? Luck, I guess. The more the Celestials get to destroy, the larger the closed space gets, and it's our job to make sure closed space doesn't engulf the world. If that were to happen, the world would end, replaced by closed space.'

'How do you _know_ that's what would happen?'

'I just know. And so does everybody else in the Agency. It's so annoying...'

Eventually our second taxi arrived back at my home. Eirikur leaned towards me to give me one last request. 'Do try to keep Mathias under control. Things like today's events haven't happened in a while.'

'What can I do?' I asked, getting out of the taxi.

'Oh, have some more confidence. I'd trust this all to you if I could. Just... you'll know, I'm sure.' And with that, he shut the door and the taxi drove away.

So I've got Eirikur telling me to keep Mathias under control, and Berwald telling me to be careful. Why do I get the feeling they know something I don't? Well, if I could see into the future, I probably wouldn't have been as calm as i was just then...

* * *

A/N: Why am I updating so quickly? I have absolutely no idea.

Originally the closed space monsters were going to be Tony, but I realised that wouldn't really fit, so I kept them the way they are. The familiars are pretty much just an excuse to keep Mr Puffin, but they do apply to the other characters I have as espers.

Not much in the next chapter, but then awesome stuff happens. Woo.

Until next time, adjø~


	11. Melancholy XI

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler XI - Calm Before the Storm

* * *

Berwald Oxenstierna. Self-proclaimed humanoid interface created by aliens.

Tino Väinämöinen. Self-proclaimed time-traveller.

Eirikur Steilsson. Self-proclaimed esper.

I think by this point they've all shown me enough evidence that I can remove the 'self-proclaimed' from their descriptions. For their own reasons, they're all focused on Mathias Køhler. But despite all of that, there's still one thing I haven't figured.

Why me?

In Eirikur's words, they're all gathered around Mathias because that's what he wished for. So what do I, an ordinary human being, have to do with any of it? Seriously, who came up with this? ...Mathias? No way. It's all his fault, anyway, so why am I even bothered? For all I matter, he can just speak to the three oddballs directly and have done with it.

The day started in the usual way. My brother dragged me headfirst out of bed after jumping on me for several minutes. Once we were ready to school, I'd escort him to his school, then head for my own. The morning hike was as tiring as ever.

'Feliks?' I asked later that morning. 'Do you think I'm a normal high-school student?'

'Huh? Like, I don't know! Normal high-school students don't go pinning guys to the floor in classrooms, ya know? Especially that Swedish weirdo!'

Of course, Feliks had gone and got completely the wrong idea. To him, Berwald was just a poor victim of Mathias, who came rampaging in and stole his clubroom. Which is why he came to me for help. I agreed to help as best as I could, so we met in that classroom after school. Then, suffering from anaemia, he collapsed, and just as I was helping him up, Feliks came blundering in.

...Or at least, that's what I'd like him to think.

'That's totally a lie! Even if I was stupid enough to believe that, why'd Berwald Oxenstierna come to you for advice? He's totally antisocial! And _scary_...' I can't say I knew Berwald was that famous. 'And, like, you're one of Køhler's gang, which automatically makes you not normal! If you're normal, I'm, like... a water flea or something!'

'You wouldn't happen to be hiding anything, would you..?' Leave no stone unturned. It usually works.

'Wha? Man, that guy's gone to your head... Don't get too close, I'm totally not catching the weirdness!'

As I thought. If Feliks had any supernatural powers, then I'd be UN Secretary-General. Although, the first UN Secretary-General was a Norwegian... I'm rambling again, aren't I?

* * *

Mathias hadn't got changed out of his athletics clothes. Was the hot weather really that hard to bear? I'm used to much colder weather than this and I'm perfectly fine! His argument was that he had cleaning duty and it was much easier to move around in. Which I suppose was logic enough.

'Norge? What d'ya think Tino's next costume should be?'

'Firstly, what do you mean, next? Just how many costumes are you going to stuff him into anyway? And secondly, why are you asking me?'

I got a response to neither of those questions.

Tino was in the middle of giving us all coffee when Mathias showed up at the clubroom. Someone had the genius idea of getting us all mugs with our country's flag on, so they didn't get mixed up. Because there's nothing worse than having someone else drink all of your coffee. Of course, Berwald was sticking to the Sweden story for mug purposes. Come to think of it, it's one of the few times I actually see him consuming something...

But yeah, Mathias was still in a foul mood. And since nobody had much of an idea of what to do, we spent the afternoon doing fairly routine activities. Berwald was still engrossed in that book he'd taken out from the library at the weekend. It was pretty thick, but the amount of reading he does, I'm surprised he hasn't finished it by now. Eirikur and I played board games. Mostly I managed to beat him. It was just one of those ordinary days, really. One of those days you just didn't want to end, and I'm sure a fair few people would agree with me on that. But there was one person who definitely didn't agree, and that was Mathias Køhler.

* * *

Lazily lying on my bed later that evening, I was reading that book Berwald had given me when my brother came in and started searching my desk.

'What're you doing?'

'Scissors! For art class!' Always full of energy, that one.

'Ok, but ask next time.' He knew the same thing would happen next time, though. Eventually I gave up on the book and went to sleep.

Out of interest, do you know why we dream? When we sleep, there's a period where the brain's still half-active, and that's when we dream.

'Nor? Norge, wake up!' ...a voice from somewhere? It wasn't time to wake up yet, was it? That voice sounded incredibly familiar... 'Wake up! _Now!_' It wasn't until I hit my head on something hard that I did as the voice asked. Then I saw who the voice belonged to.

Mathias.

'Know where we are now?' he asked. I looked around. This was... school, wasn't it? Somehow we were both in our school uniforms, and I _definitely_ didn't go to sleep wearing that. 'All I know is that one minute I was asleep, and the next I'm here with you snoozing next to me!'

I looked up at the sky. It was almost completely black, but with that eerie glow. It was unmistakably closed space.

'You haven't seen Eirikur, have you?' If this actually were closed space, surely he and his esper gang would be arriving soon...

Mathias shook his head. Obviously not.

'Well, let's get out of school, at least.' Maybe then we could figure out what was going on...

'You don't seem surprised, Nor.' Oh, I'm surprised. Mostly at the fact that you're here. We reached the gates of school-

and walked headfirst into the closed space barrier.

'E-eh? What's this?' Oh yeah, Mathias hasn't actually been here before. It's all his fault, but still... We checked, and the barrier completely surrounded the school.

We were stuck.

_Damn._

* * *

A/N: Updating at the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare to fight! Because those closed space monsters are hungryyyy~

Next is the last of the Melancholy arc, then I can finally give these chapters interesting titles. It'll also be time for some shameless DenNor *shot'd*

After this is finished, I'm going by chronological order, which includes Season 2 of the anime. Poor Berwald, is all I can say...

Until next time, vertu sael~


	12. Melancholy XII

The Melancholy of Mathias Køhler XII - To Be A Norwegian in Denmark

* * *

I hate to admit it now, but just then I was absolutely terrified. Clinging onto Mathias' arm wasn't going to help anything, but it made me feel better, and that's what matters. Right? Mathias used a nearby fire extinguisher to smash through a nearby window. He tried a phone.

'Nej. Nothing.' I kinda expected that. At least electric lights still worked, although I'm not entirely sure how. We searched our classroom, but found nothing. Mathias ran over to the window and looked out.

'Hej, Nor, look. Where are we..?' This was the first time I'd heard his voice so shaky. It was slightly unnerving.

Still confused, we made our way to the clubroom. 'Coffee?' I asked.

'Nej. Not thirsty.' He was staring out of the window again. 'I'm confused... where are we, and what am I doing here? And why am I alone with you?'

'How should I know?' Mathias turned to face me, and I thought he was about to scold me for something, but no.

'I'm gonna look around. Stay here, ok?' Before I could respond, he'd left. Huh. I sat myself down at my usual spot, when I noticed a tiny violet light floating outside the window. I opened the window, and the light formed a humanoid shape. Well, mostly humanoid. There was a large growth on its shoulder that I assumed to be the puffin.

'Eirikur! That you?'

'Indeed. Hallo.'

'You took your sweet time, didn't you? I expected to see you a bit more normal, too.'

'It's a freakin' _emergency!_ Much worse than usual!' The blob on the figure's shoulder started flapping its wings frantically.

'_Calm_, Puffin! Yeah, we're in trouble. I can usually get into closed space without too much trouble, but even with help from my colleagues this is all I can manage. And I could disappear at any moment.'

'So do you know what's going on? Am I _seriously_ stuck in closed space with that idiot?'

'Yep. Looks like Mathias Køhler's finally given up on reality and created a new one. In other words, welcome to the end of the world. Enjoy it.'

I'm sorry, _what?_

'Even the elders of the Agency are worried. After all, our world's lost its God, and we don't know what'll happen now. We might survive, or we might get wiped out in the next minute. Either way, it doesn't look good.'

'But why is-'

'No idea. You two have completely disappeared from our world. This is probably the space Mathias Køhler wishes he was in.'

'Then why the heck am _I _here?'

'You still haven't got a clue? _Damn,_ you're thick. Mathias Køhler chose you! You're the one he wants to be with above all else!' I had no idea Eirikur could get this hot-blooded. Like the land he's from, I guess. Chilly on the surface, but boiling lava underneath. 'Ah, looks like time's almost up. I'll be lucky to see you again.'

'Wait, that's it? I have to live in this world of... _nothing_ with that moron? Are you _serious?_'

'Yep. Never know, this place might look a bit more familiar soon.' Eirikur's figure was rapidly shrinking, and before long it was just a small blob. 'But still, you're stuck over there unless Mathias Køhler wants to go back... and good luck with that. Oh, couple more things. Tino's really depressed over here. Berwald says 'turn on the computer'. That's all. Vertu saell.' The light vanished completely, and I was left alone in the clubroom. What kind of joke was this, anyway? Oh right, the computer.

Nothing. The computer wasn't working- oh! A little flashing white line.

BERWALD. O- Can you see this?

Words had appeared on the screen. Of course I can see! I quickly typed a response.

BERWALD. O- Connection has not been completely severed. However, it will soon. That will be the end.

What can I do?

BERWALD. O- Nothing can be done. Abnormal data is gone. Data Integration Thought Entity is in despair. Potential for evolution has been lost.

What was all that about evolution? How was Mathias involved?

BERWALD. O- Intelligence. Mathias Køhler can create data from nothing. Data Integration Thought Entity cannot. Observe for long enough, we find a clue regarding autoevolution. We are counting on you.

Counting on me?

BERWALD. O- We all wish for your return.

The monitor started to fade. _Crap!_ If I lost connection with Berwald...

BERWALD. O- sleeping beauty

His last words were brief. Sleeping Beauty? Future-Tino mentioned Snow White, now Berwald's saying Sleeping Beauty? What's with all the fairytales? The _hell_ does this mean?

I looked out of the window, and the world was bathed in blue light. Only one thing made that much light in closed space.

A Celestial had risen.

* * *

Mathias must have seen it a moment ago, because that's when he came blasting through the door, more excited than I'd ever seen him before.

'Nor! Something's actually here!' He ran to my side. 'What is it? Maybe it's an alien!' Remembering the destruction the other monster had caused, I didn't want to stay in any kind of building. So I grabbed his tie, and ran for it. '_HEJ!_ What're you doing, Norge?' he yelled. A shockwave ran through the building, and Mathias and I fell to the floor.

'Getting out of here, what does it look like?'

'It's not trying to... attack us, is it? I don't think it's evil or anything!' Of all the times for that stupid grin to return...

'I don't care whether it's evil or not, I am _not_ dying in here!' I kept a firm hold of Mathias' tie, and fled to outside. The monster was standing right in front of us, and it looked even taller up close. Well, obviously. Perspective and all.

'This strange world! That giant! Do you know what's happening?' Mathias was clearly ecstatic, but I tried my hardest to ignore that.

'Don't you want to go back at _all?_'

'Eh?' Confused him now.

'We can't stay here forever! There's no food!'

'We'll manage somehow! Right now, I'm having fun!'

'What about the SOS Brigade? Are you just going to _abandon_ it?'

'It doesn't matter any more! This is the best experience I've ever had!'

'Well, _I_ want to go back!' Our voices had got louder and louder, until I finally shut him up. 'It took me a while to realise, but even though it doesn't look like it, I kinda liked my life up to now! The idiot Feliks and Toris, Eirikur, Berwald, Tino, even Ivan who vanished!'

'The _hell_ are you on about, Norge?'

'I want to go back and see them all!'

'You _will_! It's not like this place will be under a shadow forever!' Mathias seemed determined to stay. This really wasn't good...

'That's not what I meant! I want to see them all in the _old_ world!' Mathias broke free of my grip and ground to a halt. We'd reached the middle of the athletics course.

'I don't understand you at _all_, Norge! Didn't you want something _interesting_ to happen like I did?' The Celestial blasted through every window in the school. By now, there were several of the damned things, all destroying the building I'd spent most of my waking hours in for the past few months.

That's when I figured it out. All the hints I'd been getting. Snow White. Sleeping Beauty. I approached Mathias and looked up, straight into his face and those sky-blue eyes I'd been trying to avoid.

'Mathias. Strange things have been happening around me for the last few days, and it's all because of you. You could even say the world is revolving around you. Everything's been getting more weird and interesting, and you didn't even notice.' A Celestial kicked down a fence, interrupting my speech. Berwald said Mathias was the potential for evolution. Tino called him a fault between time planes. Eirikur treated him like God. But to me? Hate to dodge the question, but he's just Mathias, and nothing but Mathias. I mean, if someone pointed out a random classmate and asked what they meant to you? How would you answer that? To me, Mathias is a classmate. Not some sort of god-like superbeing.

Snow White.

Sleeping Beauty.

They both ended the same way.

I put my hands on Mathias' shoulders, startling him. 'What?'

'Actually, the apartment manager was right. You are _incredibly_ attractive, Mathias.'

'Wha- what are you, an idiot?'

An idiot? Like you're one to talk. But yes, I believe that description would be accurate, especially considering what I did next.

I put one hand on the back of his head and pressed his lips to mine.

I believe it's proper etiquette to close your eyes when doing such an action, so I couldn't see his reaction. Was he about to hit me? I doubted it, somehow - not that I would have noticed, anyway. I wasn't letting go yet. Next thing I knew, the world was swirling around us, like we were the only thing that mattered-

then I hit my head on something. Ouch.

Well, mission accomplished, I guess. I'd ended up on the floor of my bedroom. To anyone watching, it would probably just look like I'd rolled out of bed. But still...

What the hell kind of dream was that? Freud would have a field day with this... dammit, am I _really_ that easy to read? actually, if that were a dream, it was certainly the most realistic dream I'd ever had. I could still feel the warmth from Mathias' body... Maybe this was actually a new world that he'd created? I checked my alarm clock. 2 am.

Oh, screw this. I'm going to sleep.

* * *

Or at least, I tried to get to sleep, but the sleep fairies had decided to abandon me that morning. Until I got to school, anyway. By then, I was practically zombified, and it looked like Mathias was in a similar situation, slumped over his desk half-asleep.

'Hei, Mathias. How are you?'

'Miserable. Had a nightmare,' he mumbled into his arms. A nightmare? That the way you want to think of it? Charming.

'Oh yeah?'

'Never wanted to skip school so badly...'

I smiled inwardly. Maybe life with this crazy idiot wasn't so bad after all.

I ran into Eirikur later. 'I probably ought to thank you. After all, I've still got a job, and the world hasn't ended. Whether this is a new world or not, it's a privilege to see you and Mathias again.' He waved idly and walked off, mentioning that he'd see me after class. One thing that always annoys me about Eirikur is that I can never tell when he's serious or not. I suppose he kinda reminds me of myself a little. Maybe he's some long-lost brother of mine?

Don't be silly. That's a _ridiculous_ idea.

Berwald was reading in the clubroom as usual when I went there at lunchtime.

'You 'n Køhler were gone for two and a half hours,' were the first words he said to me. The only words, in fact.

'Uh, I'm reading the book you gave me. Did... you want it back at all?'

'Nej. Keep it.' As always, he didn't look up. I had to admire his skill at multitasking.

'Takk. Out of interest, how many interfaces are there on Earth?'

'...lots.'

'Will another attack me like Ivan did?'

'Nej.' For the first time, Berwald raised his head and his cyan eyes met mine. 'Won't let them.'

Tino seemed incredibly pleased to see me back, although he seemed to be spending a bit more time reading over Berwald's shoulder. Did he mind? Again, somehow I doubted it.

Oh, yeah. Time to complete the paradox loop.

'Tino?'

'Joo?' He looked up, surprised.

'You've got a mole on your chest, just about here.' I pointed to the location on my own chest. 'Did you know?'

Tino turned away, presumably to check. Seeing how quickly he turned red was actually quite amusing.

'H-how did you know?' Well, your future self told me. Couldn't exactly tell him that, though, could I?

'And what d'ya think you're doing?' Mathias flung the door open with as much energy as usual, wearing the hugest grin ever. Worryingly, he was carrying a paper bag. 'Hej, Tino, I bet you're bored of the maid dress, aren't ya? Good thing I got a new costume for ya!' Like some kind of ninja, he was already pulling on Tino's jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. I took that as my cue to leave.

Of course, Berwald didn't move.

The SOS Brigade was now officially registered as an extra-curricular club. Admittedly, I did alter the name slightly, as I don't think Mathias' suggested name would go down too well.

Under Mathias' orders, we were to search the city again at the weekend. Curiously, Tino, Berwald and Eirikur all seemed to have prior arrangements. Looks like it was just me and Mathias, then. I had shown up over an hour early, since I didn't really feel like another penalty. I checked my watch. Hmm. Thirty minutes left. I looked up, and was greeted by an incredibly familiar Danish face. I certainly wasn't expecting his face to light up like that. And so, after a round of coffees, all on him, of course, we set off to search the city.

You could almost call it a date.

* * *

A/N: Yahoo! Melancholy arc complete! Time to proceed to Level 2!

Actually, this was quite awkward to write. Particularly since this site doesn't allow that forward arrow thing, which is why Berwald's communication doesn't look right. There really is no particular reason for that title, it just kinda stuck.

Now I've got to try to figure out what to do with the sport bit. Joy of joys.

Well, until next time, ciao~


	13. Boredom I

The Boredom of Mathias Køhler I - But Nobody Plays Baseball Here!

* * *

It had been well over a month since what I'm now dubbing the 'week of weirdness'. I know it's a dumb name, but I really don't care. Even for a club like the SOS Brigade, there was a routine we'd settled into. Knock first, to make sure Tino isn't changing, since he'd been ordered to wear that maid dress when in the clubroom. Once sure, go ahead and enter. Berwald would be sitting there like a piece of furniture. Make your own IKEA references. Eirikur would either already be at the table waiting for an opponent at this board game we always played, or not show up due to work. Tino often served coffee while we waited for our lord and master- I mean, Mathias. I've likened Mathias to a hurricane before, and the analogy hasn't collapsed yet.

He certainly blasts through doors with the force of a hurricane.

'Hej! We're entering a baseball tournament!' he yelled, waving a poster around. '9th City Amateur Baseball Tournament', huh? Goodness knows why they're holding a tournament for baseball, of all sports, since the only countries that really give a damn are America and Japan and very few people here are from that way, but they were. And, well, we had to do something to keep Mathias occupied. Nothing much had happened since the week of weirdness, so he was getting rather bored. Which is never a good idea...

'By 'we', I assume you mean everyone in this room-'

'Somehow we need to find four more people!' Mathias' selective hearing had kicked in again. Funnily enough, it only seems to happen to me. Wonder why? Maybe because I'm the sole voice of reason in this group...

'Do you even know the rules of baseball?' Because I don't, and since Denmark doesn't even have a national team-

'Of course I know the rules, Nor! When I joined the baseball club they gave me a run-down of the rules. But it was much too boring, so I quit.'

'If it's so boring, why are you entering a tournament?'

'Because this is our chance to show ourselves to the world! If we win, the SOS Brigade can finally take off! It's a great opportunity, right, Tino?' ...Why was he asking _Tino?_ Mathias ran over and flung his arms around the shaking Finn. 'In fact, we're going to aim for the championships! And we're definitely going to win, because you know I hate losing!'

An unexpected hand pulled Mathias away from Tino. Berwald, being the owner of said hand, gave Mathias a deathly glare before sitting back down again without a word.

'Hej, Berwald, what's your problem?' Mathias asked, a hint of annoyance in his excessively loud voice.

'Why can't y'just leave'm?'

'Why would I want to do_ that?_' The hint had sprouted into a full-grown weed of annoyance... no, not even I understand my metaphors sometimes.

'B'cause he's mine.' Over the past month, Berwald had spent approximately half of his time reading, and half of his time staring at Tino. I'm really not sure why, but if Berwald's now claiming Tino for his own I can probably guess. Didn't know aliens were capable of attachments like that.

'Yours? I'm in charge of the group, I can do what I like!'

'Mathias, just _leave_ it,' I commanded, although I can't say I expected much of a response.

'Actually, baseball's a great idea.' Ah, the old distracting tactic. Eirikur seemed to be a master at it. And surprisingly, it worked. Why didn't I think of that?

'Yeah! Don't ya think so?' Mathias' moods seemed to be up and down like some kid on a trampoline.

Seeing my slightly disbelieving look, Eirikur moved closer to me and muttered, 'Surely it's better than searching the city for aliens?'

'Fair point.'

'The tournament's this Sunday, so get practising!'

'Sunday?' That's less than two days away! 'Isn't that way too soon?'

'I already turned in the application! We're under the team name 'SOS Brigade', of course!' The team name_ isn't_ what I'm worried about, Mathias...

'What about the other four players? Any bright ideas?' I doubt it, somehow.

'Oh, don't worry. If I see anyone walking around I'll just grab 'em!' The scary thing was, he probably would. Think of something, think of something...

'Hei, Mathias? I think Feliks and Toris might have the weekend free.' Better them than some random strangers we'd never met before. Knowing Mathias, though, they'd probably be some other faction sent to observe him...

'They'll do!' Oh yeah, I forgot. Mathias sees his classmates as objects. That leaves two more people...

'U-uh... I think I have a friend-' Tino started, but due to Mathias' complete inability to hold a sensible conversation, was rudely interrupted.

'Perfect!' ...wait, Tino's friend? Friend from where, I wonder... or_ when_, I suppose. Tino seemed to read my thoughts, though.

'Oh, it's ok, he's from this time- ah, just a friend from class.'

'If you don't mind, I have an acquaintance who's been interested in this group for a while.' Actually, Eirikur, I don't think that's such a good idea. Your 'acquaintance' wouldn't be able to handle Hurricane Mathias. Besides, I've got my own idea.

'Really, I'll handle it.'

'Ok, then! Now we have our group, it's time for some intensive training!' Now? Short notice, much?

'Training where?'

'Over there!' Mathias pointed out of the window. Of course._ There._

And so, we all got roped into a baseball tournament. Why? Because one Danish idiot got... bored.

* * *

A/N: Much shorter today, sorry ^^'

I've uploaded a bunch of doodles related to this fic to my dA account now. The link's in my profile.

Next chapter, Tsuruya shows up! Who could Tino's friend possibly be?

Until next time, tschuss~


	14. Boredom II

The Boredom of Mathias Køhler II - No Room for Awesome

* * *

Mathias had managed to hijack the field for baseball practice. How, you ask? Using Tino's cute little face. Adolescence is so predictable. He'd also stolen all the equipment.

'Ok, for starters we're going to practise catching one thousand rounders!' Mathias had taken the batting position, and presumably we were supposed to catch whatever he hit at us. Unfortunately, Tino hadn't quite realised that, and the balls Mathias had hit went sailing past dangerously close to his head, sending him cowering to the floor. Mathias wasn't impressed.

'Oh, come on! The future of the SOS Brigade is riding on that ball! Get to it!' ...I didn't know the future could ride on something so small. The more you know...

Of course, I didn't fare too well either. It would have been much easier to catch the damned things if they went anywhere near me, but Mathias sent them all incredibly wide of me. Eirikur somehow managed to catch them all, but I'm guessing he's practised. What's even more baffling is just how that puffin stays on his shoulder all of the time. Doesn't Eirikur have claw marks in his shoulder from that thing standing there? And as for Berwald, he made no attempt to catch any of the balls unless they went directly towards him.

'Ok, Tino! Here come some more!' Mathias hit another rally of balls towards Tino, who was still on the floor. And thanks to the fact that he was still in that maid dress, his legs were exposed. And baseballs to a bare leg? Not nice.

'O-ow! That hurt...' he whimpered quietly. Berwald said nothing, just picked Tino up and carried him off the pitch.

'Dammit, you two! Back to your positions!' Mathias shouted after them.

'Injured,' was Berwald's brief reply. Mathias groaned, but eventually gave in.

You know how some people are just too perfect at doing things? Yeah, we all know someone like that. No reason for bringing that up, seriously. Well, apart from the Dane wielding the baseball bat.

'Interesting. Mathias got exactly one thousand hits,' Eirikur commented afterwards.

'You _counted?_'

'Yep.'

Well,_ someone_ must have been bored. Seems to be a theme. Berwald started to walk off somewhere.

'Hei, Berwald?' He stopped. 'Think on the day of the tournament you could make it rain or something? Enough to cancel the game.'

''s possible. However, any alteration of the local climate could have devastating effects on the ecosyst'm.'

'Ah. Better not, then.'

'Nej.' I looked back at the field, where Mathias was still practising with the help of some random passer-by. How... very like him.

* * *

The day of the tournament had finally arrived. Now it was time to see who Tino's mysterious friend was.

...well, whoever he was, he certainly had an incredibly loud laugh.

'Dahahahaha! So you're Norge? I hear a lot about you from Tino!'

Speaking of Tino, he'd appeared beside his friend. 'O-oh, I forgot to introduce you. This is Gilbert.' Gilbert, huh? With white hair and red eyes, I'm surprised Mathias hasn't taken more of an interest in him... although I guess he isn't paying too much attention to appearances. With the obvious exception of Tino. Then again, he did pick up Eirikur, who also has white hair... I really ought to stop going off on tangents.

Then Feliks pushed past me. 'Hi! Like, I'm Feliks!' I'm really not sure why he was so eager to introduce himself, but it's not my problem.

'Toris. Pleased to meet you.'

'Yeah! See, like, when he asked, I totally couldn't turn down my good friend Norge!' Good friend? I'd love to know where you get these delusions from, Feliks...

'So you're Feliks and you're Toris? I'll remember that now! The awesome me never forgets a face!' Evidently, Gilbert was just_ that _full of himself. I wonder if he actually realised he had a little bird on his shoulder? Another similarity with Eirikur. He couldn't be an esper as well, could he?

Nah. That'd be_ much_ too much of a coincidence.

'Nor! Over here!' ...what did Mathias want now?

To complain at me, apparently. I guess my brilliant idea wasn't what he wanted.

'What're ya_ thinking,_ bringing a kid like him in to play baseball?' Ah, yes. I forgot to mention. My brilliant idea? My younger brother, of course. With him on our side, we'll lose in no time. It's utter genius, nei?

'He'd complain at me if I left him out again.' I watched the group assembled around the brat. Tino in particular had taken a shine to him.

'But he's small and cute! I can hardly believe he's related to someone like you. And what's with his eyebrows, anyway?' You're complaining about my brother's eyebrows, now? Can't exactly say yours are pencil-thin... 'Nor, this game _is_ open to the public, ya know that?'

But of course, Mathias. That _was_ the intention.

'Guess it's a handicap, then. Can't win too easily, can we?' ...You _still_ think we're going to win this? Your stupidity transcends all belief...

We still needed to decide the batting order. So in true democratic style... we picked names from a hat. Mathias' idea, of course. It was my brother's hat, by the way. He seems to wear that blue thing everywhere. No doubt his school's uniform regulations are just as lax as ours...

Well, I say 'we'. What I meant was 'everyone except Mathias'. He'd already decided his positions. The benefits of being the leader are numerous.

Apparently, we were up against the favourites to win the tournament. Excellent. We'd definitely lose this one.

* * *

The game started, and Mathias took the bat. After the cry of 'Play ball!', the designated pitcher threw the ball. Mathias hit it, of course. Pretty hard.

'Ha! Call that a pitch?' he shouted, urging us all on. Next up was Tino... but after Friday's display, I can't say I was expecting too much.

And not too much is exactly what happened. The first ball startled him completely, and despite Mathias' calls of encouragement he made no attempt to hit the ball at all. Earning him a loud 'Damn you!' from Mathias.

Berwald's turn next, and I don't think he really understood the game. He just stood there, bat outstretched, completely unmoving. Didn't even try to hit the ball. Naturally, Mathias was just as impressed with him as he was with Tino.

My turn now. Better at least try to hit it, or Mathias will- whoa! How the heck did Mathias manage to hit that thing at _all_, let alone as far as he did? That's way too fast! Right. Second ball. Focus... dammit, missed that one too. One last shot. This is to save myself from Danish wrath. Concentrate! Swing the bat at the right time...

'Strike! Out!' Curses. Looks like Danish wrath it is, then.

Three out, so it was time to swap sides. Mathias had placed himself as pitcher, leaving the rest of us to field. Apart from Eirikur, who was behind the batter. I could only hope that he could keep up with the game...

Mathias bowled with the energy of a rocket, managing to get the first of their batters out fairly easily. I saw the first mutter something to the second, though, so presumably they had a plan of some description. Which evidently they did, as the second got himself a home run. How lucky for them.

Mathias seemed to be able to only throw straight pitches into the strike zone, so they figured a strategy pretty quickly. Combined with that, our fielding was practically useless. My brother tried to get one, but tripped over on the way; however endearing it was, it was no good for our game. Not to mention Tino seemed to have developed a phobia of fast-moving baseballs. Gilbert was pretty good, though, and even Feliks managed to catch one, though only by luck. The fact that the opposing team only scored two runs just proves that their goddess of luck was snoozing. Hei, everyone likes a Sunday off, don't they?

It was our turn to bat again, although only for a very short period of time, as neither my brother, Eirikur nor Toris could hit anything. And since the opposing team managed to score five more runs? Looks like we'll be heading home soon. Excellent.

Ah, was that a hit? Was Gilbert really as awesome as he claimed?

...nei. He'd hit it behind him.

'Ok, time out!' Mathias called suddenly. He grabbed Tino by the wrist and pulled him off somewhere. What on earth was he going to do now?

* * *

A/N: Well, what do you _think_ he's going to do, Norge?

I know next to nothing about baseball, so just bear with me, okey? I'm sorry... As for the pairings, I think by now it should be fairly obvious. Everyone is Norge's bitch, duh. [I'm not being entirely serious, but still...]

Oh well. Next chapter features one bad mood, one more embarrassing outfit for Tino, and one big stinky cheater.

Until next time, see ya~


	15. Boredom III

The Boredom of Mathias Køhler III - Throw the Ball, Not the Game

* * *

In hindsight, it was fairly obvious what Mathias had dragged Tino off to do.

You know, since they both came back in cheerleading outfits and all.

'Kesese! Almost as awesome as me!' was Gilbert's response. Toris and my brother seemed to be impressed too. Presumably Mathias' idea was to get Tino to cheer us all on. Can't say it worked, though, as Feliks failed miserably...

'Feh. Wasn't counting on you anyway,' Mathias snapped, heading back onto the pitch to bat. Again, he somehow managed to hit it a fair distance. How does he manage it?

Tino's turn next. Mathias' orders?

'Just hit the ball this time!' Still at one of the posts, Mathias began making... weird signals. Either it was some kind of bizarre dance, or he was trying to say something to Tino. Whatever it was, it did nothing. Tino was out again. Looks like it was time to swap sides.

'Punishment!' Mathias had grabbed hold of Tino's cheeks and started pulling. 'Everyone take a look at this funny little face!'

'It's your fault, idiot. Shouldn't have been making confusing signals.'

Then it hit me, exactly what had been bothering me for a while. I'd seen Tino from the future, and he was completely different. This Tino was utterly helpless, and, dare I say, a bit useless. Future-Tino, on the other hand, appeared to be in the military. How exactly does one transfer into the other? Was the helplessness all just an act? If it was, it was a very convincing act...

Eirikur's phone beeped. He looked at me with a very clear 'oh crap' expression.

* * *

'Things aren't looking good.'

'Oh yeah?' I didn't particularly want to hear, but I let Eirikur continue anyway.

'Closed space. It's larger than anything we've seen before, and worse, it's growing. And those monsters are going to carry on destroying things until Mathias' mood improves.'

'Because we're losing a baseball game?'_ Damn,_ Mathias seriously needs to sort his priorities out...

'Indeed. You wouldn't happen to be purposefully losing, would you..?'

'Why would you think that?'

'No reason... but remember how we picked our order? Mathias wanted you to play the position you are. It's not a coincidence. And since you're not performing like he expects, he's pretty disappointed.'

'Well, sorry for being so _useless._'

'So you should be.' ...wait, I wasn't being serious there. 'In any case, make sure the game doesn't end this round. Otherwise, it's quite literally the end of the world.' No pressure, then...

Ok, we've got to hold them to no more than two runs.

The batter hit the ball, and- oh crap, it was heading for Tino! No way is he going to be able to... got to catch this one...

Oof. Hit the floor.

At least I caught it. Universe saved. Go me.

Everyone congratulated me on my miraculous catch as we returned. I took a seat next to Eirikur.

'So, getting back to what we were saying...' he started, moving a bit too close for comfort. 'That time you and Mathias were stuck in closed space, I was wondering... just how did you manage to get out?'

'Don't remind me.'

'Maybe if you use the same trick, it'll all get better?'

'Hell no!' Last time, everything was much more in your face life or death. I was panicking, ok?

'Thought you'd say that, somehow. Let's just go win this game, then.' Eirikur stood up. 'After all...' he gestured towards Berwald, 'he has the same concerns as us.' With that, Eirikur left me and went to talk to Berwald.

'He's... finally...' Tino had sat himself next to me. I assumed he was talking about Berwald.

'Something the matter? He's been paying an awful lot of attention to you recently.'

'Eheh, no, it's fine... It looks like he's casting a spell...' I looked back to Berwald. He was holding the bat close to him, but his mouth was moving way faster than a normal person could hope to manage.

'A spell? What are you on about?'

'U-uh... classified.' A spell, huh? I was reminded of Berwald's fight with Ivan Braginsky. He'd used the same rapid speech then, too. What was he doing?

Anyway, now it was time for Berwald to bat. Perhaps this time he'd actually respond to the ball.

* * *

Well, I certainly wasn't expecting a response like that. Though it had looked like he'd barely made any effort at all, he'd hit the ball far enough to score a home run. Once he'd returned to base, the whole team was cheering for him. He handed the bat to me.

'Take't. I changed the elemental burst information.'

'Elemental what?'

'Homing mode.' So what, this was some sort of supernatural cheating? Great.

Sure enough, I managed to score a home run myself. In fact, after Berwald's turn, every one of us did. Even my little brother. By the time it got to my turn again, the opposing team must have twigged that something was up... they were all giving me death glares. Like it was my fault. That's right, everyone blame me.

Once I'd had my second turn, I handed the bat back to Berwald.

'Ok, that should be enough.' By which I meant, remove your spell or they'll murder us.

'...mm.'

What I'd completely forgotten about in my earlier rush to leave was that the first round of the tournament had a ninety-minute time limit. Which meant that thanks to Berwald, if we kept the other team from scoring in this round, we'd win.

Of course, we still had to keep the other team from scoring in this round.

'Do we have to win?' I asked Eirikur, while waiting for the next round to start.

'We do. Thanks to our efforts, the closed space appears to have stopped expanding... at least for now.'

'But if they make a comeback now...' I don't really want to think about it.

'In that case, I've got a plan.' He whispered said plan into my ear.

Hang on, his plan was _what? Seriously?_

Yep. Dead serious.

Using Berwald as backstop.

And me as pitcher.

Oh dear...

* * *

I managed to miss the first one completely, earning me an enraged 'Dammit, Nor, be serious about this!' from Mathias. Well, excuse me, _princess,_ but you can only throw it where they're expecting you to! Besides, I'm completely serious. The fate of the world's riding on this ball, to borrow your phrase from the other day.

I tried again. This time- did Berwald's mouth just move? So fast I couldn't tell. Honest. Anyway, this time, somehow, it headed in the right direction. Straight into Berwald's glove. How convenient.

No matter how the opposing team tried, they just couldn't hit the balls I was throwing. I'd like to say it was all me, but that'd be a lie bigger than the closed space that was supposedly being caused by Mathias.

And so, the last batter got two strikes. Just one more, and the game would be won.

'Nor! Wrap it up with the last throw!' But of course, Mathias. With Berwald on our side, we're sure to-

oh, dammit. What the_ hell_, Berwald?

The ball hit his glove and bounced off. So much for those super alien powers of his.

'Berwald! Get the ball!' I yelled at him, but it still took him a while to move. He picked up the ball and looked at me expectantly. Did he _really_ need to be told all this? 'Second base!'

He threw it. Very fast. So fast it took Mathias' glove straight off. Crud, now we didn't have a chance.

Or so I thought, as Eirikur managed to catch both the glove and the ball with relative ease. The batter had skidded to a halt but hadn't quite reached Mathias' base, so Eirikur hit the batter's head rather than the base.

'Sorry. We're not the team of athletes you're used to playing.'

That was the game. We'd won.

_Damn_, that was close.

The moral of the story? If ever your leader threatens to destroy the world, cheat at baseball. ...No, I don't get it either.

* * *

So what were we going to do about the rest of the tournament? I'd feel bad if we cheated like that again...

'Sorry, but I'm going to need to go help my colleagues soon,' Eirikur mentioned after the game was over. The rest of the team were celebrating their victory. Noisily, thanks to Mathias and Gilbert.

'Think we can forfeit?' I asked.

'Sounds like a plan. Looks like a bored Mathias is a very bad thing. We should probably keep that in mind.' Eirikur left shortly afterwards. Which meant it was time to attempt to convince Mathias to forfeit... Freyja help me...

'Hei, Mathias. Eirikur said he had something to do, so he's gone already, and to be honest my limbs are killing me now... Had enough fun for today?'

Mathias just stared at me... so I did what seemed like the only logical thing at the time and smiled. And that's really rare for me. Seemed to work, though, as Mathias' idiotic grin soon returned.

'If you're ok with it, then oh well... Hej, Nor! I'm hungry! Want to go get some lunch?'

'Good idea.' But there was something I had to do first, and that was forfeit properly. The other team's leader was only too happy. So happy, he was in tears... although he did ask to keep the bat. Hei, it's just a normal bat, and he offered to pay for it, so I obliged. Obviously. Who am I to turn down an offer like that?

And after a game like that? The fact that everyone's food was on me didn't seem to matter too much.

Of course, a good mood like that can't last too long. Monday's Brigade meeting involved Mathias bursting in with two new sport-related posters. Football or handball? Which would you go for?

...we didn't end up doing either. Thank goodness.

* * *

A/N: Phew. This was an exhausting chapter to write...

People are saying they're surprised to see Gilbert in a Nordic-centric story. Well, to be honest, I'm trying to fit as many nations as I can in, so there are bound to be one or two oddities. (Also, Norge is _so_ in denial up there xD)

Next chapter, Mathias wishes for some odd things, and time travel goes a bit pear-shaped. Silly Tino.

Until next time, ja ne~


	16. Bonfire I

Bonfire of Time I - A Midsummer's Nightmare

* * *

The season was summer. To be honest, with the days so long I was exhausted... I'm just glad we're not too far north, otherwise we'd get no sleep whatsoever. Sunlight really messes with sleeping patterns. Not to mention we had final exams coming up... Suffice it to say, I wasn't in the best mood.

And having that irritating Dane behind you, poking you with a pencil _isn't_ the best way to cheer me up.

'Hej, Nor? Know what day it is?' Mathias was clearly excited about something, although I dread to think what.

'Your birthday..?' I started, then mentally slapped myself. Mathias' birthday was earlier in the month, idiot. He'd taken us all out drinking. How could I forget somehow ending up back at his place?

...Nothing happened! Seriously!

'Nej.'

'Tino's birthday?'

'Nej!'

'...Berwald's or Eirikur's birthday?' Come to think of it... does Berwald even _have_ a birthday?

'I dunno when they are!'

'Since we're on the subject, my birthday is-'

'Don't care! You got no idea, do you?' Oh yeah, I forgot. He doesn't give a crap about my life.

'It's just another overly warm weekday to me.'

'Oh, come on! What's the date, Nor?'

'Uh... June 23rd... oh, I get it. Midsummer, right?'

'You got it! Midsummer! Sankt Hans Aften! I make it a point to celebrate these things, so this year the SOS Brigade's gonna make it the biggest event ever!' He leaned in annoyingly close to my face. His breath stank of smorrebrod.

Oh, here we go again...

* * *

Since the SOS Brigade started in spring, I'd ended up running around all over the place every day. You could almost call it a daily routine, although some of the things that have happened to me have been anything but routine. Still, I was almost getting used to it... and that wasn't something I was too happy about.

As always, I knocked before entering the clubroom, only entering when I heard a 'Come in!' from Tino. Everyone was there but Mathias, and goodness knows where _he'd_ run off to.

'Hallo,' Eirikur said as I walked in. 'How's your day been so far?'

'I share a class with Mathias. How do you _think_ it's been?' I retorted. Tino brought a coffee over for me, which I gladly accepted.

'True. Try a new board game for once?' Eirikur took what looked like a chessboard out of his bag.

'I don't know the rules.'

'Suit yourself.' For once, Eirikur's puffin was asleep on the table instead of attached to him.

Of course, it couldn't sleep for too long. Not with _him_ as our leader.

'Hej! I know, I know, sorry I'm late!' Mathias was waving around... sticks? Dare I ask?

'What's with the sticks?' Yes. Indeed, I dare ask.

'Isn't it obvious? We're holding a bonfire!'

Oh damn, he's serious, isn't he? I'd barely trust him with a _candle_, let alone a bonfire. And where exactly was he going to set this up? If he burned things at school we'd be expelled in no time.

'That's a great idea.' Are you just going to agree with _everything_, Eirikur? 'Out of interest, where are you building this bonfire?'

'The local beach, where else? Also, I got a bunch of tags for you to write wishes on!'

'Wishes? Why?' I don't remember that being a Midsummer tradition. Main tradition I remember is getting horribly drunk. Which Mathias seems to be incredibly good at.

'Why not?' That's not a valid response.

As Mathias got to work scribbling something on his own tag, I started complaining. I _am_ an expert, after all.

'With all these crazy ideas, I'd love to know exactly where this idiot gets his idea of normal...'

'Don't be so quick to judge,' Eirikur replied. 'If he didn't have a firm grasp of reality, the world would be a lot less rational, nei?'

'You two!' Mathias shouted from the front. 'Stop your whispering!'

Once we'd all finished our tags, we headed down to the beach. There was a large pile of sticks waiting for us. Sorry, sticks, but we're going to have to incinerate you now. Idiot's orders. Eirikur set the bonfire off.

Something felt a little... off, though. Was Mathias... depressed about something?

'Wishes take time, I guess...' I heard him mumbling to himself. The fact that he was so quiet all evening was a bit... unnerving. The quieter Mathias was... the more worried I got.

Eventually, and without the consumption of too much alcohol on Mathias' part, the last few twigs burnt away. Mathias took that as a cue to go home. I put my hands in my pockets and made to leave too- wait. There was some sort of note in my pocket. I took it out and read it.

'Please stay here after we've finished - Tino'.

...So cute. Hang on - there were two notes in my pocket! First my locker, now my pocket? Why can't people just tell me things rather than turning me into Postbox Central? Besides, the second note was utter gibberish. It wasn't even words. But that could wait. What did Tino want to see me for?

* * *

'So what did you want? Something you don't want the others to know?'

'U-uh, um, joo. There's... somewhere I wanted to take you...' Tino had changed back into his uniform before leaving for the beach. Thankfully. I don't think a big poofy dress like that would have liked a bonfire too much.

'Where did you want to go?'

'Uh... it's... three years ago.' Th-three years ago? Oh yeah, Tino's a time traveller. I was so caught up in thinking he was just some cute Finnish guy from the year above I almost forgot.

'I-I'm sorry! I know it sounds strange, but...'

'Nei, I don't have a problem with going, but... why?'

'I can't say... maybe when we get there..?' Tino stuttered. 'Just please come with me! If you don't... I'll get in trouble...'

Too... much... adorable...

'Ok, I'll go, I guess.'

Tino's eyes lit up. 'Really? Oh, kiitos- ah, thank you!'

Come to think of it, my only proof so far that Tino was a time traveller was the fact that I'd met his older self. This was my chance to know for certain...

'A-ah, Norge?' Tino's voice wavered slightly.

'Ja?'

'Sorry...'

All of a sudden, the world went black.

* * *

A/N: Quick, short and annoying updates make the world go round~ This was originally Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody, but since there's no bamboo involved... So... Many... Ellipses...

Again, I know next to nothing about Midsummer, but I couldn't exactly have the Nordics celebrating Tanabata. There's no reason for them to. This was the closest I could get. Oh, and thanks to all of you for these positive reviews! So happy~ [The UST is killing me xD]

Next chapter, Future-Tino makes another appearance! Woo!

Until next time, viso gero~


	17. Bonfire II

Bonfire of Time II - Workbitch Norge

* * *

Next thing I knew, the world was sideways.

'Uh, Norge? Are... you awake now?' I turned my head. Just Tino. 'I was hoping you'd wake up soon, because... uh... my legs are numb...' Legs? Numb? I thought my head was comfy-

oh. I'd been sleeping with my head in Tino's lap? What the hell?

'Why was I sleeping there?'

'S-sorry... I can't let you see how we time travel... it's classified... are you angry?'

'No, not at all. I mean, if Mathias had tried something like that he'd be missing a fair few club meetings afterwards, but I don't really mind.' Well... ok, I minded a little. But it keeps him happy.

More to the point, where were we? It looked like the place by the station where I'd met Berwald on the night he explained things. That would probably be because it was the exact same place. Was this some kind of gathering place for strangeness?

'So are you sure this is three years ago?' I asked Tino.

'Certain. June 23rd three years ago. About 11pm.' Well, he sounded certain enough, although I did wonder how he could be so precise.

I studied our surroundings. If this were actually three years ago? I guess that's about two years after we moved to this area from Trondheim. Back when my brother was actually small and cute, and not as much of an annoying brat as he is now.

My thoughts were interrupted by Tino's head meeting my shoulder. He'd fallen asleep incredibly quickly. Great. What do I do now?

I heard a rustling in the bushes behind our bench. I turned my head to look, and who should show up but the older version of Tino? Oh, the paradoxes this guy causes...

'Moi, Norge. It's me.' As I can see. He was in the same uniform as before, but his beret was curiously missing. And was that a_ gun_ strapped to his back? I wonder if these two actually are the same person... 'Sorry about this, I was called in at short notice and didn't get a chance to drop this thing off.'

'Oh, Tino. Hei.' ...well, what could I have said? What the hell are you doing with a gun, and how does adorable little Tino grow into you? Yeah, that'd go down_ brilliantly_.

Future-Tino moved himself around our bench to look at his past self. Well, my present Tino, but his past... Time travel is confusing! 'So that's what I looked like asleep... before I got this thing, at least...' He gestured to the scar over his eye.

'How did you end up with that?' I asked, out of curiosity.

'That's classified.' Ugh. Should have guessed. 'Sorry. Anyway, his job was to bring you to this time plane. I'm in charge from here.' Spoken like a true military man. Which just makes things even more confusing.

'Ok, but why did you need to put him to sleep?'

'I didn't see my future self when I was here before, so I can't let myself see me.' And so my brain exploded in a puff of logic. 'Anyway, you've got to go to the end of the road here. There's a school, and it's your job to help the person there. Oh, and carry little me there along with you. Got it?'

'I think so. Do I get anything for doing this?'

'Not really, you mercenary. But you're not getting back to your own time period unless you do it, so get a move on.'

Wait, he's blackmailing me?

'Anyway, time for me to go now. And don't tell little me about me. Ok?'

'Uh... ok?'

'Pinky promise!' Because that's not childish at all. But I agreed. 'Now it's official. Got to go now. Moi moi!' And with that, Tino's older self left, leaving 'little' Tino with me. Suppose I ought to go do what he says. I wonder who this person I'm supposed to help is?

* * *

I'd decided to carry the sleeping Tino on my back. I made my way to the school I was ordered to, only to find someone trying to climb the fence.

Someone with crazy blond hair and a little red hat I hadn't seen in a long time.

'Hei!' I called to the figure. He turned his face towards me, and my suspicions were confirmed.

So basically, I'd been ordered by Future-Tino to help a younger Mathias Køhler? Forever destined to be his workbitch, I guess...

'What? Who are you?' he called to me. Yeah, now I was sure this was three years ago. That'd make Mathias... 14, now? 'Well, who are you, then? Pervert? Kidnapper?'

'What are you doing?' I asked.

'Isn't it obvious? Breaking into school!' He's committing a crime, and shouting about it? Yep, that's Mathias, all right. A complete idiot. 'I dunno who you are, but give me a hand or I'll call the cops!' And yet he's the one who just admitted to breaking and entering.

Mathias managed to heave himself over the gate and open it to let me and Tino in. All I can say is, it's a good thing it's dark. He won't be able to recognise me or Tino. Since this past-Mathias doesn't know us, it's probably a good idea to keep it that way...

Well, whatever he wanted to do, it probably involved that line-marker.

'So what're you going to do with this thing?' I asked. I'd propped the sleeping Tino up against the wall, making sure it was dark so Mathias couldn't see.

'_You_,' emphasis on the _you_, 'are going to draw lines where I tell you to.'

'Why me?' Is is really so hard to do it yourself? Ok, this Mathias probably wasn't as strong as the one I knew, but still...

'I'm the supervisor!' Taking charge as always.

Ordering around a high-schooler he'd just met? That was so like Mathias. If I'd met him before, I probably would have thought he was completely insane and left him to it. None of this Brigade stuff would have happened. So I ended up running around a school I'd never been to before, drawing white lines on the ground because Mathias told me to. Then I remembered. Feliks had mentioned this... _incident_ when he was telling me exactly why fraternising with Mathias was such a bad idea. Never would have dreamed it was me that did it...

'Yeah, that'll do.' Eventually, I finished my task of Herculean proportions.

'Whatever...' There was a short silence. Guess who broke it?

'Do you think aliens exist, or not?' Yep. Him. Who else?

'Sure, why not?'

'Time travellers?'

'Yeah, wouldn't be surprised.' There's one around the corner, if you really want to know... but I'm not telling you that.

'What about espers?'

'Probably around every corner.'

'And sliders?'

'Can't say I've met any of them yet.'

'Hmm...' Of course, he completely missed the fact that I'd basically just admitted that I hang around with these sorts of people. Typical Mathias. 'That's a North High uniform, nej?'

'Ja.'

'What's your name anyway?'

'...John Smith.' Which it isn't. It's about as much my name as Norge is.

'Are you retarded?'

'Let's just say I'd rather remain anonymous.'

'Hmph. Who's the guy you were carrying?'

'...My older brother. He gets these fits of narcolepsy, so I have to carry him sometimes. And what's that thing supposed to be?' I pointed out to the seemingly random scrawl over the school grounds.

'What do you think? It's a message!'

'I... see. By the way, you've been at a bonfire, haven't you?'

'Eh? How'd you guess?'

'Well, it's Midsummer. It's fairly obvious. Also, I remember someone doing something like this before.' Not that the two are connected, but still.

'Yeah? Do they go to North High too?'

'Sort of.'

'Hmm... North High, huh...' That's when it hit me exactly what conversation this was. I wondered before exactly why Mathias Køhler chose to come to this school. Now I find out that_ I_ was the one who pointed him in that direction?

'I'm done! I'm going-' Mathias stopped suddenly. That was slightly worrying. 'Hej... is your hair floating?'

_Damn_. He noticed. And all that time he was just ignoring it?

'No, of course it isn't! Trick of the light!' I protested, but Mathias ignored me completely.

And grabbed hold of my curl.

Now, if you're unfamiliar with these odd curls, you might assume that nothing would come of it. However, having an erogenous zone on the side of your head is, to say the least, incredibly inconvenient. Especially when it's a younger version of the most annoying person in your life pulling it.

Suffice it to say I slapped him incredibly hard and ran for it, cursing my bad luck. Seriously, why do I have that thing anyway? And how could Eirikur class me as 100% normal?

Well, at least now I knew why present-Mathias left that thing alone. After I was out of his sight, I heard an 'Ouch! Damn, that was hard,' from Mathias, then footsteps. I checked that he was gone, then went to wake Tino up.

* * *

'...Tino?' I tapped him on the shoulder lightly. My face was still red from the curl incident, but I vowed to never speak of it again.

'...uh..?' Tino opened his lilac eyes. So cute! He stood up and started panicking about something. 'A-ah! W-where are we? O-oh!' He started checking himself. What was he looking for? 'No! My TPDD's gone!'

'What's a... TPDD?' I asked, but Tino had already broken down.

'C-classified... It's sort of like a time machine...' Time machine?

'Any idea where it could be?'

'E-ei... I should have it, but I don't! We're stuck in this time plane!' For some reason, I wasn't as worried as I probably should have been. That... TPDD, was it? Whatever it was, it was probably stolen by Tino's future self. In fact, that was probably the reason he was here in the first place. After all, he'd remember losing it... right?

Something about Mathias' 'message' seemed awfully familiar. Then I remembered the other note that had been left in Pocket Postbox. Sure enough, it was exactly the same. And aside from Tino, only one person had been close enough to me that evening to slip something into my pocket.

'Tino?' I helped him up. 'It's ok. I know what to do now.'

We had a Swedish alien to visit.

* * *

A/N: Mooooooolestation! Mooooooolestation!

I don't think Tino would break down completely like Mikuru did, so I tried to tone it down a little. I imagine that although Mathias introduced himself as 'from Copenhagen', it was habit during those introductions to state where you're from originally. So, say, Norge would have introduced himself as 'from Trondheim'. I dunno, it made sense in my head. And North High? I don't really have a clue where it is. Somewhere convenient enough for everyone to gather?

Next chapter features said Swedish alien and an Icelandic jerk.

Until next time, nagemist~


	18. Bonfire III

Bonfire of Time III - Sleeping Beauties

* * *

Tino and I soon made our way to a very familiar building. Familiar to me, at least. I doubt Tino's ever been over there, but it's still a possibility.

I put the number of Berwald's apartment into the terminal. A dial tone.

'Does a Mr Berwald Oxenstierna live here?' ...No response. 'Uh... not sure how to say this... I'm an acquaintance of Mathias Køhler.'

Well, that worked. The doors slid open. Together, Tino and I headed to Berwald's apartment. I pushed the doorbell, and Berwald opened the door.

'Is it ok if we come in?' Berwald looked first to me, then to Tino. Tino hid behind me, still terrified of Berwald's stare. But with the tiniest of nods, Berwald allowed us inside. The apartment was exactly the same as it was three years in the future. I guess aliens aren't really that interested in interior design, although it surprised me slightly coming from Berwald.

I explained the situation over coffee.

'...oh, and the you from the future gave me this.' I handed the strange note to Berwald. He ran his index finger over the pattern, as if scanning a barcode.

'...mm.' That oh-so-familiar noise of possibly-agreement.

'This is the first time you've met the two of us, right?' I asked, just to be certain.

'Yes. I've accessed th'memory of the unit in the other time plane, 'n downloaded the data from the other side 'f the linked time boundary. The unit three years from now 'n I're the same being. Our mem'ries are shared.'

'...how?'

'We synchronised.' He looked straight at Tino. '...m'wife.'

'E-eh? Don't make jokes like that!' Tino protested.

'...joke?' Berwald seemed entirely serious, although I'm not sure why he was calling Tino his wife. I don't even remember him doing that in our time.

'Anyway, why are you wearing a North High uniform? Enrolled already?' I asked, trying to change the subject. It seemed a little strange to be_ this_ prepared...

'Not yet. 'm in standby mode. Will be for the next three years.'

'Long time to be in standby mode, isn't it?'

''s my role.' He set the strange note down on the table. 'There's more than one way to travel through time. TPDD's not th'only device that can do it. 's imperfect.'

'B-but... how's it imperfect?' Tino asked, clearly confused that the device he used was being criticised.

'Causes noise 'n excess data. 's primitive 'n imperfect.'

'So... you can travel through time perfectly?'

''s not important, as long as data can travel un'bstructed.' Berwald stood himself up, looking even more imposing given just how much taller than us he was. He walked to a side room, opening the door and turning the light on. Tino and I exchanged glances. Did he mean for us to follow? Presumably. So we did, and were slightly startled by what we saw.

There were two beds in the room, already prepared for us.

'You want us to sleep in here? Us? ...together?'

'...mm. Sleep.'

This is most definitely _not_ awkward at all.

Tino took the bed furthest from the door, pulling the covers straight over his head. Exhausted from the day's events - well, however long it took with all this time travel stuff - I collapsed onto the other bed. Berwald turned the lights out, and closed the door behind us. Was he... muttering something? Whatever. Ought to get some sleep, then.

It only seemed like a moment before Berwald opened the door again. Tino and I both sat up almost in sync.

'Oh, no way!' Tino exclaimed. He was checking his watch. 'We really are back in our time! Thank goodness...' Oh, Tino. What an adorable smile of relief you have.

I turned back to Berwald, whom I suspect agreed with me on the adorable smile point. 'How did you do it?'

'Suspended the flow of data in this space. Released it at a predetermined point.'

Tino was completely shocked. 'Y-you mean you actually stopped time?'

'Mm.'

'Then that means...' I thought out loud, 'on the night I came here and you explained about being an alien... Tino and I were sleeping in the next room?'

'Mm.'

'I'm impressed.'

'This was a special case. Emergency mode. Seldom activated unless necessary.' I see, so this must have taken some effort on Berwald's part. Damn, he's good. And since Berwald was the one to give me the 'Sleeping Beauty' hint for when I was stuck in closed space with Mathias? Suddenly it all made a little more sense.

Tino and I soon left. It was the day we left, about 9pm, so our past selves would be on the beach at the moment, still at the bonfire. I thanked Berwald on the way out, but he stopped me and handed back the tag with the odd symbols on it.

'By the way,' I asked, 'what does this say exactly?' Referring to the tag, of course. Whatever it was was Mathias' message to space.

''I am right here' 's what it says.'

'So what, this is written in a language used by aliens?'

...I got no response to that question.

* * *

'I'm so sorry!' Tino was apologising profusely on the way out. 'I don't really know too much... I'm just an assistant- ei, not even that. More like a trainee...'

'Even so, you get to stay pretty close to Mathias.' Which is good for the job, just not for your sanity. I'd probably go mental if he tried to stuff me into some of those outfits. Although I wouldn't mind the bunny ears so much...

'That's because he caught me! I wasn't expecting that to happen...' Tino turned away, hanging his head. 'I'm just following my superiors' orders... I don't understand some of the things I'm supposed to do...'

I wondered if one of Tino's 'superiors' was his future self. That'd certainly make a lot of sense, although it was slightly cruel. Which would mean future-Tino knew what was meant to happen, but for some reason didn't tell present-Tino... Maybe time travellers really are just that strange.

Of course, the next day was June 24th. And although it was the next day, it had actually been three years since I last went to school...

I got to class relatively early for once. Having three years' sleep really wakes you up a bit, if you get your head around it. Mathias was aimlessly staring out of the window when I arrived. Was he _still_ depressed?

'Hei,' I tried to initiate a conversation. 'What's the matter? Hangover?'

'Nej, just thinking about some stuff... Remembered one Midsummer a few years back.' Hmm. I have a feeling I know exactly the one he's on about.

'Really...'

Since I'd effectively been given an extra evening yesterday, I'd taken the time to read up on the rules of chess, if only to keep Eirikur occupied.

'Hei, Berwald? Tino's definitely from the future, right?' Because if anyone knew, it's be Tino's... _husband_. I still didn't get that, by the way.

'...mm.'

'It's just that something he said's been bothering me. He told me the past can't affect the future. But I went back and ended up telling Mathias a bunch of stuff I didn't think was important, and I'm pretty sure that's the reason he came to this school and started looking for people who weren't normal. How can that be the case?'

Berwald shifted his glasses slightly. 'Y'can't use a contradictory theory to explain a contradiction.'

'Wha? Didn't get that at all.'

Eirikur sighed. 'Put it this way. My king's in check here. What am I to do? I think I'll just run away.' He picked up his king from the board and put it in his top pocket. That's blatant cheating!

'Whatever. Next thing that happens to us, I want it to be something that isn't so damned confusing.'

'You want something to happen? I'd much rather things stayed quiet.' I groaned. Eirikur really isn't the best person to cheer me up...

'...jerk.' I flicked my own king.

It didn't fall over.

* * *

A/N: The SuFin! So much SuFin!

I've been told I act like Norway in real life, so it's actually fairly simple to write in his POV. Not to mention I have a friend who acts almost exactly like Denmark... I'm so glad people are actually reading this and like it! [Particularly the kiss bit a few chapters back - I'm ace, so it's quite difficult to write...]

Next chapter, the SOS Brigade gets their first client, and it's... wait, who? *shot'd*

Until next time, toodle pip~ [I'm so British xD]


	19. Mysterique I

Mysterique Sign I - Corruption and... Who?

* * *

During our final exam period, Mathias had managed to recover from his bout of melancholy enough to go back to doing whatever. Unfortunately, he seemed to have passed said melancholy on to me. Somehow he'd always manage to finish exams at least halfway through, then promptly fall asleep. And that overly heavy breathing of his? It's incredibly distracting when you're trying to concentrate. It's so annoying!

Apparently there's no such thing as 'time off' for the SOS Brigade. Even during the exam period, when every other club in the school had taken a break, this strange brigade that could barely be counted as a club continued to do... very little, actually. But Mathias insisted that we stay open, so we stayed open.

'Hej, Nor!' Mathias called me over to the computer. 'Come look at this!' Getting up was far more effort than it was worth, but I complied anyway.

Wait,_ that_ was what he wanted me to look at? What was that supposed to be?

'It's our logo, idiot!' ...you say that like it's obvious. Just looks like a couple of coloured splodges to me. 'See, it says SOS here!'

'Does it..?'

'Right there!'

'If you say so.' Didn't look like it, but there was no point arguing with a brick wall. Or someone with the intelligence of one.

'Hej, you're the one that's got the most free time, Nor! If ya don't like it, make your own logo! Anyway, I was gonna put this on the website.'

'You mean the website that's currently nothing but a homepage?'

'You're the one that made it!'

'If I knew what to put on it, I would have put more on it. You didn't tell me, idiot.'

'Well, we would have got a whole load more hits if you'd let me put those pics of Tino up!' ...I don't think that's the sort of people we want to be attracting to us. Just give up on this stupid excuse for a website! Nobody is going to use it!

'Can't you make a blog or something?' I suggested.

'Too much work.' It's too much work for _me_, too, but you don't seem to care about that, do you? Mathias stood up suddenly. 'Ok, Nor, it's your job to get this logo up on the website!'

'Do it yourself.' After all, you're the one that's just been sitting at the computer, you're the one that made the damned thing...

'I'm the leader, I give the orders.'

Stubborn as ever. Suppose I'd better do it, then.

* * *

Starting tomorrow and lasting until summer, we were officially on exam break. It was around the time that all of my teachers would be marking my answers wrong. I mean, I'm not thick unlike a certain Dane, but some of those questions are downright confusing.

I knocked on the clubroom door, expecting the usual 'Come in!' from Tino, but instead I got a rather grumpy 'Yeah, come in!' from Mathias. That's odd. Where's Tino?

'You the only one here?' I asked as I entered.

'Berwald's here too, ya know!' Well, sorry. Berwald's always so quiet, I almost forgot. Besides, he's officially a member of the Literary Club, so... 'When you knocked on the door, I thought we'd finally get a visitor! But nej, it was just you!'

'So I'm inadequate? Charming. Why're you expecting visitors?'

'Those posters you put up everywhere! Without my permission! Don't tell me you don't remember!'

...oh yeah. _Them_. My attempt at getting the absurdly powerful Student Council to keep the SOS Brigade alive. I even hand-drew them all.

'Anyway, look at this.' Again, Mathias beckoned me over to the computer, where I saw something very weird indeed. That website I'd so lovingly created in less than five minutes, then spent hours trying to figure out what the hell to put on it? Somehow it'd been corrupted. And that 'logo' had gone all squiggly. Squiggly is a technical term now. Refreshing the page didn't do anything either. Curse you, F5!

'How long's it been like this?'

'Dunno, it was like that when I got here!'

I tried to delete the logo to see if that did anything. Trouble was, the stupid thing refused to go anywhere. Repeated attempts to get rid of the damned squiggle went nowhere. How had it got this badly corrupted?

'It's probably hackers!' Mathias shouted.

'Nei, it's more likely to be just an error.' But of course, Mathias wasn't having any of the logical conclusion.

'I can't believe someone'd launch a cyber-terrorist attack on the SOS Brigade!' That's because they're _not_. Use your head once in a while!

A knock on the door interrupted Mathias' ranting.

'Come in!' Mathias called, sounding just as irritated as when he 'welcomed' me in. Eirikur was the one who walked in, puffin still firmly attached to shoulder. Do the school not even care that he's bringing animals into school? They probably don't care about Gilbert's bird either...

'Well, this is unusual. No sign of Tino?' Well observed, Eirikur. Well observed. And is there any reason Mathias isn't complaining about Eirikur knocking?

I could seriously use a coffee right now...

* * *

Hours passed before Tino finally showed up, and I was still having no luck with this stupid website! Following Mathias' downright bizarre orders, I was relieved when we finally got another knock at the door.

'Sorry I'm late...' Tino started. 'We had exams until four, so... I-I hope you don't mind, but I sort of brought a visitor with me!'

...wait, there was someone else there? Oh! Only just noticed. He looked like the sort of person who didn't have much presence. And was that some sort of stuffed bear he was carrying?

'Matthew Williams... hi...' he mumbled. He had an incredibly quiet voice. Hei, he looked like one of the Computer Research Society members. Wonder if they're related?

Hold on. Did that mean we actually had a client? Looks like my posters worked. Yeah, I'm _good_.

One explanation later, however, and I suddenly wasn't too keen on the idea.

'So let me get this straight,' Mathias demanded. 'You want us to go search for your missing partner?'

'Yeah... He hasn't been in school for so long, I'm worried...'

'Tried calling him?'

'He doesn't answer... Wasn't at home either, eh...'

'Hmm...' Mathias' super detective skills at work again. Yeah, right. 'What about his family?'

'He lives alone... His family are all back in Estonia, and I don't have contact details...'

'Uh huh. So why'd you come to the SOS Brigade?'

Matthew looked up. He'd been staring at the table while talking. 'He mentioned you a lot...'

'So who is this guy anyway?' You waited until_ this_ point to ask? Some detective...

'Eduard von Bock is his name. He's the President of the Computer Research Society, eh...'

Wait. Him? The guy Mathias blackmailed by taking pictures of him molesting Tino? I didn't think he'd be the sort... never mind.

'Ok! We'll do something about this! You can count on us!' Mathias was suddenly enthusiastic about this task. Can't think why... 'And since you're our first client, we'll do it for free!'

He was planning to charge money? Does he have_ no_ consideration for people's feelings?

* * *

A/N: Crack pairings abound!

Good to know everyone enjoyed the molestation *shot'd* Yes, Norge is forever Mathias' workbitch. Which is an awesome word. Thank you Bloodbath for giving it to me~ [Spot the other Bloodbath reference in this chapter and earn a virtual cookie!]

Next chapter, the Brigade goes out to search for the missing President. Doesn't go too well...

Until next time, valete~


	20. Mysterique II

Mysterique Sign II - Breaking and Entering

* * *

...Matthew, was it? Whoever he was, he left shortly after Mathias agreed to take his case. Of course, taking the case is the easy part... I had a feeling that solving this case would involve taking a trip to the guy's apartment, 'knocking' some sense into him and dragging him back to school by his elbows. I had to wonder, though... with a partner like Matthew or whatever his name was, why hang out in the Computer Research Society? None of my business, I guess.

'Are you and him friends?' I asked Tino as he brought me a coffee.

'Ei, I've never spoken to him before today.' How strange. Why'd he come to us of all people? Why not the police? They'd be much better equipped to deal with a missing person than us... No doubt Mathias is going to use _this_ to raise our profile and attract bigger cases.

Eduard von Bock lived in a block of apartments similar to the one Berwald lived in. I can't say it was in great condition, but I've seen worse. The five of us gathered outside as if we were about to raid the place. Which we kinda were.

'Let's go!' Mathias ordered. So in we went.

The apartment itself wasn't difficult to find. However, we quickly encountered an obstacle that we really should have thought about beforehand. Did the last time we searched a guy's apartment teach Mathias nothing? Of course it didn't. It _is_ Mathias, after all.

Yeah, the door was locked.

'How're we going to get in?' Mathias mused, after rattling the doorknob in an attempt to get in. Then he rang the doorbell. Most people would have tried that first, but if you think Mathias is going to go for the obvious option, you clearly haven't been paying attention. 'Maybe we can go out on the balcony and break the glass to get in!'

_Idiot._ 'The room's on the third floor. Besides, I don't want a criminal record yet. We're not here to rob the place.'

'Then we'll go to the Manager's Office and grab a key! We'll just say we're worried friends, nej?' Because nobody's ever tried that before, and it definitely worked when we went searching for Ivan. Mathias walked off, and I began to follow, when I heard a clicking noise that sounded suspiciously like...

Berwald stared back at me, before pushing the door open. Ah, the benefits of being an alien are endless... That even got Mathias' attention.

'No way! I didn't know it was open!' And so, the grin returned to his stupid face. 'Ok, let's go drag him out of there!'

This guy feels no remorse for anything, of_ that_ I'm certain. Especially not forcing the poor guy to molest Tino against his will then using that to steal a computer, oh no. That was 'peacefully taken'. He was the first one to enter, followed by Tino and Eirikur. Berwald waited before I'd gone in before entering himself.

As I half-expected, we found absolutely nothing. The flat was in the sort of condition you'd expect if he'd just gone out grocery-shopping or something, and it felt as if he could just walk in any second. He didn't, obviously.

'Well, that's weird!' Mathias was currently standing on the bed, bouncing up and down like a four-year-old. 'I was sure we'd find him curled up somewhere...' Look, either he's gone back to Estonia or he really doesn't want to be found.

Berwald suddenly appeared in front of me. 'We should leave now,' he demanded. That's the first time he's spoken today-

'He's right. We need to go.' Eirikur too? What's got you so worked up? 'It's a very strange feeling, and it's one I'm only too familiar with, so we ought to-'

'Awesome! Mochis!' Mathias called from the fridge. Not only are you breaking into people's apartments, you're also raiding their fridges? Are there no depths to which this idiot won't sink?

...on the other hand, what on earth were_ they_? Little white blob things with faces? Some of those faces looked very familiar... Hei, that one looks like Matthew! Same curly curl thing and all! Next thing you'll be telling me they're actually descended from lettuce...

'What do you mean, strange?' I asked Eirikur quietly as Mathias played with the blobs.

'A strange smell. This room stinks of closed space. We need to go, now.' Ah yes. Real live esper reporting for duty, sir.

''nother dimensional layer beginning to shift,' Berwald mumbled. Seeing both Eirikur and Berwald staring at me so intensely managed to convince me that we did indeed need to piss off.

Luckily, Mathias got hungry, so we were all officially dismissed. Looks like he was already bored with the case...

* * *

To keep up appearances we agreed to leave and come back in five minutes.

'U-uh... is something the matter? Why'd you ask us to come back without Mr Køhler?' Tino asked when we reassembled.

'Those two think there's something up with that room.' I looked at said two, just standing there, both with blank faces. 'Right?'

'Indeed. Once we get back in there we'll know for sure.' Eirikur's puffin squawked loudly.

'Well, what ya waitin' for? In!' Oh yeah. That puffin did more than just squawk, I forgot. Stupid thing thinks it's a mafioso. Still, back in we went, and we headed straight back to the bedroom.

'There's a localised non-corrupted altern'te space 'n this room,' Berwald explained. Can't say I understood, but... ''s happening independently 'n limited mode.'

'Which, in a language we understand, is...' Many apologies, Berwald, but I don't speak technobabble.

'It's something like closed space. Not the same, but similar to the ones Mathias Køhler creates.' That was a little easier to understand... 'Berwald, do you think the disappearance of Mr von Bock has something to do with this space?'

'...mm.' Berwald raised his hand, and that rapid garbled speech came out. In hindsight, I really should have told him to wait...

...before whatever the hell this was happened.

* * *

A/N: Just a short chapter for the moment - saving the concentrated awesomeness for the next one. I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it!

On the other hand, I am back at school now, so updates will probably slow down somewhat. I'll try to keep this going, since this is much more interesting than work. Also, mochis! Estonia keeps them as pets, so of course they'd live in the fridge. [Besides, Haruhi finds mochi in the fridge, so it fits perfectly~]

Next chapter will [hopefully] feature the kickassery you've been waiting for!

Until next time, head aega~


	21. Mysterique III

Mysterique Sign III - It's Just Not Cricket

* * *

With a blast of wind, our surroundings had changed completely. This looked something like a desert, but it was cold as hell. And I know cold. Tino freaked out and grabbed onto Berwald's arm. The one that hadn't been raised, obviously. Ok, where the heck were we? How does something like this fit into a bedroom?

''ve analysed th'entry code. 't overlaps with normal space, just out of phase.'

'HEY! This ain't closed space!' the puffin yelled.

'Nei, it isn't. It doesn't seem like the normal sort.' Well, yeah, I could have told you that. The sky isn't that dull grey it was before. No, this was the sort of brilliant blue sky you see in holiday brochures.

'Junk data that originated with Mathias Køhler.'

'How much?'

''nsignificant levels. He's just th'trigger.'

'I see.'

Eirikur and Berwald, seemingly oblivious to the Finn clinging to his arm, seemed to be having their own little conversation in some freakishly alien language- wait, bad description. Whatever they were on about, at least_ they_ understood each other.

'So,' I attempted to get a place in the conversation, 'the president of the Computer Research Society is somewhere in here?'

'Probably,' Eirikur replied. 'The space created itself in his room and he somehow got stuck within it.'

'Where is he then?'

Berwald raised his hand again.

'Wait!' I interrupted. No _way_ was I having him do something like that again without telling us! 'What are you doing?'

'...nothing.' His raised hand changed to a pointing one. 'There.' Something behind us-

holy crap! What in the name of Asgard was_ that_? It just looks like some kind of swirling mess!

'The hell is that?'

'Ja... I certainly feel its animosity...' How the hell could Eirikur stay so calm? Oh yeah, he was used to this sort of thing. All very well for him and Berwald, but Tino and I have no way of protecting ourselves! Unless, say, Tino could shoot lasers from his eyes.

No, that's the sort of stupid idea Mathias would come up with, although I seriously hope he doesn't.

The swirling mess solidified into a single being. Do you know the camel cricket? If not, Google it. Because that was exactly what was staring us in the face.

'What is that?'

'It's a camel cricket.' And I do hereby dub thee Captain Eirikur Obvious of Akureyri. I know what a camel cricket is, moron!

'Creator of this space,' Berwald stated. That..._ thing_ made this place?

'Did Mathias do this too?'

'Th'cause is different. He's the catalyst.' Tino was holding onto Berwald's arm for dear life, and Berwald was still pointing.

'...You can move now.' He shifted his head slightly, then lowered his arm.

'Yeah! Cricket goin' down!' Puffin, of course. On the other hand, I hadn't seen Eirikur so fired-up in person before. A ball of energy was floating above his outstretched palm.

'Looks like I still got some of my powers in this space. It's about one-tenth of what I'm used to, but it'll have to do.'

'Yeah, that's great,' I brushed Eirikur's comments off, 'but Berwald, what's that insect and where's the President guy?'

''s a data lifeform. 's using the student's brain t'increase the probability 'f success.'

'So the President's inside that thing?'

'Mm.'

'I see! If we defeat it, we close down this alternate space, right?'

'Mm.'

'Shouldn't be too difficult then! Let's go, Puffin!' With a loud caw from the puffin, Eirikur launched the ball of energy into the air and launched it straight towards the camel cricket with a cry of 'Krafla!'. The cricket jumped high into the air with those powerful legs, and dived towards Berwald. With more garbled speech, Berwald... raised a force field? Damn, he's good. The two entities pushed against each other, but Berwald managed to push the cricket away. Oh, did I mention Tino was still clinging onto him?

The cricket landed, and it may be my lack of knowledge about interdimensional insects talking here, but it seemed completely unharmed. It charged straight towards me. _Faen!_ I ran for it, and Eirikur was just in front of me. Swinging his arm, he launched another energy ball - this one seemed to be called 'Hekla' - towards the cricket, hitting it square in the face. The cricket reared up. Did that finish it? It didn't look like it... but then it collapsed, dissolving away in a similar way to how Ivan had.

Berwald was standing motionless in front of where the cricket had been.

'Is it over now?' Eirikur asked. Berwald nodded, just slightly. Tino and I both breathed a sigh of relief. Then I saw what the cricket had left behind. Lying in front of us, face up, twitching, glasses askew, was the Computer Research Society President.

* * *

With very little warning or transition, I found myself standing in that bedroom again. I seriously wish Berwald would give us a warning before dragging us into something like that again... Still, we found what we came for, I guess.

Berwald switched on the President's computer. Yeah, the guy's just been kidnapped by a interdimensional cricket. Let's raid his porn folder!

''t arrived two hundred and eighty million years ago.' Obviously he wasn't after the porn. I assume he was on about the cricket. 'When't arrived, 't couldn't find the necessary means t'survive. Went into hibernation. Shifted into a half-'wakened state when humans developed computer networks. Then 'n explosion of data from a parallel world caused 't to fully awaken.'

Said explosion of data from a parallel world? That would be the splodge of colour Mathias called a logo. Berwald said it contained four hundred and thirty six petabytes of information. But how could that be the case? When I uploaded that thing, it was just a few of kilobytes!

'A symbol he decided to draw turns out to be something huge like that. Only Mathias Køhler could do something like this,' Eirikur explained. By this point, I was slightly creeped out. All of this couldn't be coincidence, could it? I gave it some thought as I trudged home.

Ok. SOS Brigade is formed. Tino's roped in because he's adorable. Eirikur joins because he's a 'mysterious transfer student'. Berwald joins because he was there from the start. Then it turns out Tino's from the future, Eirikur's an esper, and Berwald's an alien. If this was all Mathias' doing, it's way too much to be just a simple coincidence, right? Eirikur insists it's what Mathias wished for, but I don't believe that for a second. If everything that idiot does is significant in some way... then why am I here? The only thing strange about me is one strand of floating hair, and that certainly doesn't do anything useful... Other than that, I've been Eirikur-Certified normal! Why?

Oh. I know. I'm the conscience of this club. I'm pretty much just here to stop his rampages. Other than that, I'm fairly useless, really...

Ok, enough wallowing in self-pity. Time to ask questions.

'So what was that cricket thing anyway?' I asked Berwald as he tried to sort out the Brigade's website the next day.

'Data lifeform.'

'Any relation to your Entity-thingy?'

'Similar source. Evolved separately 'n its race perished.' Until you found the survivor here. Why couldn't the blasted thing have hibernated on Neptune? I took over at the computer for a while.

Wait a sec. If the logo was the cause of all this, then...

'Why did nothing happen in here when he finished drawing the logo? Nothing happened when he showed it to me, either!'

Eirikur sighed, as though the answer were obvious. 'For a while, this room's been in an alternate dimension. You've got all of us in here, and quite frankly there's no room for any more weirdness.'

So what, we've got our own universe here? Whatever Eirikur's smoking, I- actually, no I don't. I turned back to the screen, and noticed something very odd indeed.

'Hei. When did we get so many hits?' Before, the counter was barely on three digits. Now we're at almost thirty thousand? Wha?

According to Berwald, the cricket thing evolves by storing hyperlinks, and uploads itself into the minds of those who see the logo. And eight other morons saw the logo. Five of which are North High students. No doubt we've got to go save them, too... Typical. Never a moment's rest.

Berwald created a new logo and stuck it on the page. With any luck- no, no need for luck. He'll never notice.

I caught up to Mathias later.

'Hei, the Computer Research Society President came back today.'

'Oh yeah?' He seemed... remarkably disinterested. 'It was probably either a bout of melancholy or an argument with his partner... Hej, Nor! Did ya know? We got thirty thousand hits on our website!' Sigh... Any opportunity to reroute the topic to yourself... Well, as I thought, he didn't notice a thing. Come to think of it, I should probably reassure Matthieu. Whatever his name was.

...well, I asked the President, and the only response I got was 'who?'. Apparently the guy doesn't even have a partner. In which case... who on earth is Matthew Williams?

Hmm. There's one person who's been in on this entire case, and that's Berwald Oxenstierna. Could he really have engineered this elaborate scenario... just to keep Mathias occupied? Or was it that living in an empty room for years on end, Berwald was the one that was bored? Perhaps that explains the sudden attachment to Tino.

I wonder, Berwald... do you get lonely?

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the incredibly lame pun in the title... I couldn't resist.

Still feels like there's something off... meh. [Is 'kickassy' even a word?] But forgetting Canada... uh... what was I on about? *shot'd* By the way, Eirikur's attacks are both names of Icelandic volcanoes. I've been to Krafla, and _damn_ does it stink. Also, Hekla was once considered the gateway to hell. How appropriate that it now be used to destroy a cricket.

Next chapter, everyone takes a holiday! Including Norge's annoying brat of a brother!

Until next time, avskjed~


	22. Remote Island I

Remote Island Syndrome I - Brigade on a Boat

* * *

To be perfectly honest, I'm not too fond of holidays to exotic locations. They're always so... hot. And usually full of tourist shops which never sell anything useful. Just little trinkets with the country's flag. Of course, that's not just limited to hot countries. I went to Iceland that one time, ended up buying a little model Viking ship. Hei, it's a period that interests me, ok?

Anyway, all this is completely irrelevant, since our boat wasn't headed to any of those exotic tourist resort things. No, we were going to some random island that's completely cut off from the rest of the world. And I don't mean Iceland this time, although this was Eirikur's idea...

Speaking of which, why'd he set this up anyway? I took it upon myself to interrogate him. We watched as a girl with red ribbons in her hair tore up a piece of paper and set the scraps loose over the sea. Wonder what that was all about?

'Ok, I'd like to know what you've got planned.'

Eirikur sighed. It's... actually quite annoying when he acts like I should know things. 'I've got nothing planned. It's nothing to do with the Agency, if that's what you're asking. I informed them of our little retreat. That's all.'

'It's still your retreat.'

'So what? Mathias was interested because it's one of those 'closed circle' things. A privately-owned deserted island? Exactly what he's looking for. Sort of like being stranded abroad because planes can't take off.' Yeah, _that_ was an Icelandic volcano, wasn't it? 'Being cut off because of your surroundings. You see it all the time in mysteries.'

'Dare I ask what this has to do with anything?'

'Obviously you do, or you wouldn't have mentioned it. And since we're going to a deserted island, if, say, a storm whips up around us, voila. One closed circle.' ...what's with the gratituous French?

Ok, you're probably wondering exactly why I'm on a boat with Eirikur, some odd girl ripping up paper, and the rest of the SOS Brigade. Well... I'm not entirely sure either. But it all started the day we got the results of our finals back. Or rather, the Brigade meeting on that day.

See, that day Mathias decided we were going on a retreat during the summer. Never mind that it's not going to do any of us any good whatsoever. Mathias decreed it, therefore it must be so. He also announced that Eirikur had already planned our destination. Naturally, I'd known precisely nothing about this beforehand. Apparently Eirikur has a distant relative who's obscenely rich - so rich he's bought his own island. And he's just finished building a summer house on said island. Isn't that convenient?

One last thing about that meeting. For his 'dedication to the Brigade', Eirikur was promoted to Deputy Leader. No, I'm not jealous. Why do you ask? I'm just Mathias' workbitch, remember? He'd never consider promoting me. Never mind that I'm the one who lugged that stupid computer back to the clubroom, I'm the one who gave him the stupid idea in the first place, I'm the one who got us both out of closed space- actually, I was trying to forget that one. Dammit! I'm definitely _not_ jealous at all!

Which brings us back to my conversation with Deputy Leader Eirikur Steilsson.

'Mathias is playing the detective on this trip. That's why he wanted an island like this. Detectives always find themselves surrounded by mysteries. Why?' It was more checking whether I knew than asking outright, but it felt a little patronising...

'Because otherwise there wouldn't be a story.'

'Exactly. What's the point of a detective who doesn't have anything to solve? It's just a story. On the other hand, remember who's writing this particular story.'

'This isn't a story.'

'It is to him. And you need the right settings for a story. This particular island would make the perfect location for a murder-mystery.'

'Don't say things like that.' Your 'author' might hear. Unlikely, since he and the rest of the Brigade are playing card games right now, but still...

'Why not? All great detectives seem to have some kind of supernatural ability to draw cases in...' Evidently I was pulling some kind of face. Most likely either disbelief or sheer annoyance. 'Hei, I'm just following the Køhler logic.'

There is no Køhler logic. No logic in his head at all.

* * *

We joined the rest of them to play their card game. Well, I say 'rest of them'. What I mean is Mathias, Tino, Berwald and my brother.

'Hey, want to know something?' my brother piped up during one round of Old Maid. He was sat in between Tino and Berwald. He'd really taken a shine to the two of them, actually. 'Norge tried to leave me at home!'

That's because I didn't want you here, idiot! Yes, there _is_ a story behind all this. See, I had my bag all packed and ready, and I was about to leave. Oh, what's this? My bag feels a lot heavier than it should! So I opened it up, and there was the brat, trying to stow away with me. After a number of complaints on both his and my parents' parts, I eventually agreed to have him come with us. Although, with all Eirikur's been talking about murder-mysteries, I'm really not sure it was a good idea...

'Still, we're all glad you're here now! Right, Berwald?' Tino looked to his 'husband' for support. Which he got, with the tiniest of nods and what could almost be called a smile. That was something _really_ rare.

'He won't be any trouble, I promise.'

'So how long's this gonna take?' Mathias asked.

'Another six hours on the ferry, then we'll be meeting an acquaintance and it'll be another hour until we reach the island. I haven't actually been there yet, so it'll be interesting to see the place.'

'Yeah! I bet it'll be really strange! Know the name of the architect?' ...why does Mathias care about the architect?

'Never asked.'

'Yay! I'm out first!' my brother shouted suddenly. Ah, he always beat me at card games...

'I do remember the architect being someone relatively famous, though...'

Relatively famous? If it's anything like what Mathias is expecting, it's just going to be weird. Probably like a shoal of fish covered in paint belly-flopped on the design while half-drunk... I'm actually scared of these weird images my brain keeps thinking up. Stop thinking of analogies! Anyway, now Tino was out of the game.

Bah. Useless cards. No luck for me.

'Woohoo! I'm the third to get out!' Mathias, of course. 'I say the last to get out gets us all drinks! I'll have a hyldeblomstsaft!' Why's he looking at _me_?

'Yay! Melon soda for me!' Annoying brother. Can you not at least say please?

'I'd like Vilfilfell, please.' You haven't won yet, Eirikur.

Cut to me trying to carry all those cans back. Dammit, why is it always me?

* * *

A/N: This is... totally revision. Of course.

Oh, that little model Viking ship is currently sitting on my desk. Ended up having to fix the prow and sail with superglue, but it's all good in the end, nej? Regarding the mochis, at Christmas Estonia's seen with an America mochi, an Italy mochi and a Canada mochi. It was the Canada one I mentioned. Okey?

Next chapter, we finally get to the island. I wonder who the distant relative might be?

Until next time, goodbye~


	23. Remote Island II

Remote Island Syndrome II - Can't Choose Your Family

* * *

Turns out on an SOS Brigade retreat, falling asleep is an unforgivable sin.

I woke up with a camera in my face. Said camera then moved to reveal Tino's adorable face.

'Eheh... I just took a picture of you waking up. You were sound asleep, ei?' And _why_ were you doing that? I mean, while I'm sleeping? Any reason..?

'Hej, stop making silly faces, Nor!' Mathias had bounced over and snatched the camera from Tino's hands. 'Tino's the SOS Brigade's photographer for the moment, but I decide what pictures to take!'

'Then... why are you taking photos of me sleeping?'

'So I've got proof of how lazy you are!' _Me_? Lazy? I'm taking a well-earned nap! Do you have _any_ idea how heavy your drinks were? ...You're not going to use those photos for anything else, are you..?

The ferry sounded the horn. We'd arrived at a port to meet Eirikur's 'acquaintance', so soon we'd be on the island. Woo. I hope this island doesn't swim away or something. That'd just ruin the mood.

'It's just an ordinary island,' Eirikur attempted to reassure me. 'No monsters or mad scientists. I'll guarantee it.'

Guarantee it all you like. I'm still suspicious of this...

Well, Eirikur's 'acquaintance' was more... 'acquaintances'. Plural.

'Ah, Ms Braginskaya, Ms Arlovskaya!' Eirikur called out as we left the ferry port. Waiting for us were two women. The taller one, apparently our designated driver, had, um... how to say this? Large... tracts of land. The shorter one was dressed in a maid-like outfit and giving us all death glares. 'Sorry for troubling you both. This is the Brigade I've been telling you about.'

You've been telling them? Probably Agency members, then...

The two of them showed us to our second boat. This one was a lot smaller, being not a commercial ferry and all.

'It should take us around half an hour to reach the master's island. Sorry for any inconvenience...' The taller one, Yekaterina Braginskaya, seemed incredibly apologetic. I'm not entirely sure what for.

'You're kidding! No inconvenience at all!' On the other hand, Mathias had more energy than a supernova. 'Take as long as you like! Hej,_ you _should be excited!' That last comment was directed at me. Of course, Mathias. I'm ecstatic. Can't you tell by my blank face?

And so, we all boarded the boat and set off. My brother rode with Yekaterina in the front, while Natalia Arlovskaya, the maid, stayed with us. Still glaring. Some people never change their face, do they?

I know, I know, I'm a fine one to talk. I'd even gained a reputation back in Trondheim as the one with the poker face. Still, we weren't in Trondheim any more, and thankfully that reputation stayed behind.

'So does the mansion have a cool name?' Mathias asked cheerfully.

'Ne. It _doesn't_.' Natalia turned her evil stare to the Dane. But he wasn't giving up. He just went to bother Yekaterina instead.

'Hej, does the master of the house wear a mask and is horribly disfigured?'

'Uh, um...' She fumbled over her words. Was that just surprise at such an odd question?

'Well, there's still a chance that something strange might happen, nej?'

'Uh, da, it's a possibility...'

'Hej! Is that the island?'

'Indeed it is.'

'Oh... It looks so normal...'

Well, there goes my belly-flopping fish idea.

* * *

There was someone at the little harbour when we pulled in. I think he may have been supposed to meet us, but he was fast asleep.

'Actually, that's the master's cousin, Herakles Karpusi. He's another guest.' _Eirikur_... don't suppose you could tell us these things_ beforehand_, could you? Just once?

Natalia stepped out of the boat first. She went over to where Herakles was snoozing, and- pulled out a knife? She's _crazy_!

'_Herakles_... Wake _up_...'

Well, it worked, at least. Poor guy, being woken up by her...

It was a pretty long walk from the harbour to the mansion, so by the time we actually got there, a fair few of us were exhausted, my brother and Tino in particular. Mathias, however, was somehow still full of energy. Berwald... does he even get tired? And if Eirikur was, he wasn't showing it. Me? I really ought to be used to this, since it's a very long way to walk to school from my home, but yeah, I was fairly tired. Eirikur rang the doorbell, and we waited.

The door opened... and for once, Mathias was right about something.

The master did indeed wear a mask.

'Aha, welcome to you all!'

Mathias stepped forward. 'On behalf of my colleagues, I'd like to thank you for inviting us. It's truly an honour to stay in such a grand estate!' ...When did_ you_ become such a suck-up?

The master seemed surprised too. 'Well... you're certainly much different to what Eirikur's told me! I was expecting someone much more direct! Haha!'

'You were..?' That took a few seconds to compute. Then the 'direct' Mathias we all know and, uh... find incredibly annoying... returned. 'Then it's awesome to meet ya! So, has anything really strange ever happened here? Do the locals have some weird name for the island, or are they afraid to go near it? That's what I'm looking for!' ...It's an island. There are no locals.

'...Hahahaha! Got quite a hobby there, boy! But hayir, the construction was finished day before yesterday, so nothing strange's happened yet. Anyway, do come in! Make yourselves at home! And- why are_ you_ here?' The master turned his attention to Herakles.

'...you agreed I could come.' Herakles spoke quite slowly, but seriously.

Natalia stepped between the arguing cousins. 'That's _enough_, boys. Don't make me use this...' The knife glistened in the sunlight.

'Eheh... they're always like this,' Yekaterina reassured us. 'Do go in!' With a smile, she ushered us inside, leaving Natalia, Herakles and the master outside.

You have to wonder why the master invited his cousin if they fight all the time.

* * *

A/N: Welcome to the mysterious island thing!

Turkey is indeed the owner! Congratulations to the reviewer who guessed correctly~ Greece is there because he's the obvious choice for future events, Belarus is there because of her style of dress, and Ukraine [Yekaterina] is there due to association with Belarus. It was shown at Christmas that Turkey and Iceland know each other, enough for Ice to know that Turkey really hates having his mask removed. Also, Seychelles cameo last chapter that I forgot to mention. Yay!

Next chapter... here comes the mystery! Dun dun duuuuun!

Until next time, gule gule~


	24. Remote Island III

Remote Island Syndrome III - Storming On Through

* * *

It amazed me just how huge this mansion was. We each got our own rooms, and they all had their own balcony overlooking the ocean. It was actually quite pretty. Well, everyone except my brother, who had been a rather unexpected addition. Tino offered to share his room, so it all worked out fine.

We all gathered in one of the rooms a while later.

'Gah, this island is too normal!' Mathias, of course.

'What did you expect?'

'I dunno, but it's suspicious because nothing looks suspicious!' Then what about the knife-carrying maid and the family squabble? Were you even_ looking_ at them?

'What if things looked suspicious?'

'It'd be suspicious, of course! Silly Nor.' Silly _me_? You're the one calling everything suspicious.

Mathias stood up suddenly. 'I got it!'

'Got what?'

'The culprit!'

'What culprit? Nothing's happened yet!' And with any luck, nothing will happen!

'It's the owner, Mr Adnan! And the first victim will be... Tino!' Cue the dramatic pointing. Berwald pulled Tino closer.

'Won't let 'm.'

'Why are you saying stuff like that anyway? We're their guests!'

'Eh, guess you're right. Let's go swimming!'

With Mathias talking like that, I was starting to get worried. Just a little. I mean, I'm sure he'd never actually wish for someone to die, but if it brings a case in...

Ahem. No use worrying about that now. We're going swimming.

The island was mostly cliff, but one side had the most gorgeous beach I'd seen for quite a while. With the sun blazing in the sky like it was, it was the sort of day you never wanted to end. Watching Tino and my brother building a sandcastle, then joining Mathias to play in the sea... Pretty idyllic, really. We'd set up two parasols so we didn't get completely roasted. Eirikur and I were sat under one. Berwald was under the other one, uh... reading. Evidently aliens didn't do summer retreats.

'We all have different ideas of fun, nei?' Eirikur had stood himself up and was bouncing a beach ball on his wrist. After seeing him blast that cricket in the alternate dimension, it suddenly made a lot more sense just how good his coordination was. 'We should spend time doing things we like. Especially Mathias. Wouldn't want him getting bored, now, would we?' For once, the puffin wasn't stuck on either his head or his shoulder, but was taking a nap under the parasol. Doing the things we like, huh...

'Hej! Nor! Eirikur! Come out here!' Mathias called to us from the sea. So out we went, and spent quite some time throwing the beach ball around. When you're stuck in school for hours every day, it really makes times like this much more enjoyable.

Well, you know what they say. Time flies when you're having fun, and in this case time was riding Sleipnir, Odin's eight-legged horse. Apparently, that flew. Would have been interesting to see. Anyway, pretty soon, the sun was setting. That late already? We all made our way back to the mansion to find dinner already laid out for us. Our hosts really were thoughtful.

The master, still wearing that odd mask, was sat at one end of the table. Herakles was at the other end, although he'd fallen asleep again. How does he manage to sleep so much?

'Mmm, this is great food! Who made it?' Mathias asked through a mouthful of fish.

'Haha, glad you asked, boy! Katyusha's in charge of food here.'

'Katyusha?'

'Oh, sorry! Yekaterina! We call her Katyusha for short.'

Berwald's eating was almost mechanical. It was slightly creepy. My own eating was interrupted by Natalia, who apparently acted as a maid around here. So that dress wasn't just for show, huh? Doesn't make her any less terrifying.

'_Drink_?' Her words were short and sharp.

'U-uh... yes please?'

'Don't like it!' My brother had pushed all the vegetables to the side of his plate.

'If you want to grow up to be like Tino, eat them!' I ordered. He pouted, but did as I asked. That's a first. Have to remember that one.

I have to say, it's not often we get meals this good.

Once we'd finished, we headed back down to the beach. By this time it was dark, and Mathias had brought some fireworks along. Loves his fire, doesn't he? The fireworks sparkled in the sky for a while. Then we ran out, so Mathias led us into the clump of trees that could almost be called a forest.

Now, if the story ended there, it would have been the perfect holiday...

* * *

Of course, nothing ever turns out the way you want, does it?

Remember Eirikur mentioned how we'd be completely cut off if a storm broke out? Well, guess what? A storm broke out! Who would have thought it? It certainly put a damper on our breakfast. Not to mention the master didn't actually show up that morning. Herakles did, and for once he was awake, but he had a cat clinging to his chest.

'Eheh... I'm sorry... Sadik's not really a morning person, so he's difficult at this time of day. Please excuse his absence...' Yekaterina explained to us as she served our food.

Mathias was not in a good mood. 'Hmph, typical. Storm hits us just as we're getting started...'

'It seems to be moving quickly. We should be back to normal in a few days.' Eirikur being his usual self, trying to keep Mathias happy...

'It's strange, though,' I mused. 'I didn't hear anything about a storm coming...' Mathias' eyes lit up suddenly. Must have been the word 'strange'.

'Great! We've got a deserted island in the middle of a storm! Perfect opportunity for something weird to show up, eh, Nor?' And you are asking me... _why_?

There was no chance of taking any of the boats out with the sea this rough. I have to wonder if this storm wasn't caused by Mathias himself, in order to create the 'closed circle' scenario...

Well, since we couldn't go outside, we spent the day in the game room. Table tennis - which Tino wasn't very good at - seemed to be the order of the day. We ended up holding a small tournament-thing. Which Mathias won, of course. If he'll destroy the world over baseball, we're not letting him lose at table tennis. There was a pool table, too... although my brother got bored with that, being unable to get anywhere near a decent angle with the cue, and went to go bother Berwald. I... don't think Berwald minded, actually. Herakles joined us when we were playing card games, and Sadik watched over us for a while, before putting a notebook in his top pocket and excusing himself. Apparently he had work to do. Wonder what he does?

Let's see. Sadik Adnan and his cousin Herakles Karpusi. Yekaterina Braginskaya and Natalia Arlovskaya. They all _seem_ normal, despite being acquaintances of Eirikur's. I still feel like there's something slightly off about them, though...

Eventually Mathias got bored of those games, so we headed back up to one of our rooms. What did we do? More games, of course! This one involved sticks with numbers written on them. Number one was the 'king'. So... who was the king?

'I am the king! Yeah!' Mathias. Of course. Somehow that fits him. I do remember him declaring himself 'King of Northern Europe' once... although he _was_ drunk at the time. 'Ok! Number two!' Number two was Berwald. 'You have to turn around, look back at us and say 'I love you'!'

Robotically, Berwald rotated himself on the edge of the bed. He turned his head around, gaze fixed on one Tino Väinämöinen, and mumbled 'Jag alskar dig...'

'Nooo! With more feeling!'

Berwald did it again. Exactly the same way. Either his voice is incapable of showing emotion, or he's just really embarrassed...

'Argh! Nor, show them how it's done!' Mathias leaned in annoyingly close to my face.

'Why me?'

'King's orders!'

I groaned. No point arguing. I sat myself with my back to the group, turned my head, and... why was my line of vision drawn to Mathias? 'Jeg elsk-'

'Joke!' Mathias cut me off. That annoyed me a little more than it should have. Really, why? Stupid selfish 'king'...

I thought I'd be able to skip this irritating chapter of adolescence, but clearly the dealer wasn't doing me any favours. No idea who this dealer is, but whoever they are, I'd ban them from dealing for the rest of the year.

That evening, Mathias got incredibly drunk. No major surprises there.

* * *

Next day. No improvement on the weather front. I went to go see everyone in our usual room.

'Hei, Mathia-' I was greeted with a forcefully-thrown pillow to the face, knocking me to the floor. _Ouch_!

'Haha, Nor, you look funny like that! You should expect pillow fights!' Where does Mathias get all this energy? He was up all night drinking!

'Pillow fight?' I looked up to see Eirikur standing over me. The puffin was in his arms. 'So that's where all the pillows went.' Mathias launched another pillow.

Only this one hit Yekaterina, who'd just walked in. So glad it wasn't Natalia, or we'd be dead within seconds...

'Ms Braginskaya? Something wrong?' Eirikur asked.

'Ah, see... I sent Natalia up to see Herakles, but she came back and told me he wasn't there!'

'He wasn't there? Not anywhere in the house?'

'His bed hadn't been slept in! He's nowhere to be found!' Yekaterina was on the verge of tears by this point.

'Have you checked with Sadik? He might know something.'

'He's not answering his phone...'

'Say what?' Mathias bounced off the bed and walked up to Yekaterina. 'So Herakles is missing and Mr Adnan isn't answering his phone?'

'D-da, that's right...'

'In that case, we should probably check Sadik's room. Ms Braginskaya, do you have a key?'

'N-ni, he's the only one with a key... I'm so sorry!' Now she really was in tears.

'Let's go check his room. We can try knocking, nei?'

'Come on, Nor! I got a bad feeling about this!' Mathias was staring straight at me, a determined look in his eyes. 'Berwald, Tino, come with us! Nor's brother, you stay here, ok?'

Eirikur led the way as we ran to Sadik's room. He managed to find it straight away, and started banging his fist on the door.

'Sadik! If you're in there, answer us!'

No response. Eirikur tried the door handle, but the door was locked.

Eirikur turned his head and looked at us. 'We have no choice. We'll have to break the door down.'

Mathias, Eirikur and I formed a three-man battering ram. And here I thought breaking doors like this was something that only happened in movies... We slammed into the door once, but it didn't budge. On our second attempt, though, we broke the lock and fell down to the floor in the master's room.

But we certainly weren't prepared for the sight that greeted us.

Lying in front of us, knife sticking out of the pocket on his chest, mask askew, was the body of Sadik Adnan.

* * *

A/N: Oh noes! A decent-length chapter! Whatever next?

These chapters are fun to write~ Eirikur actually does something! Yay! Now if only Tino could be useful for once... And the ship tease! The ship tease! It burns! [Yes, Maiden, you may indeed have a cookie.]

Next chapter, the detective work begins!

Until next time, do pobachyennyar~


	25. Remote Island IV

Remote Island Syndrome IV - Press Start to Begin Investigation

* * *

Looks like Mathias got his 'mystery'.

Sadik looked pretty dead, lying there like that. It took everyone a moment to even move, but Mathias was the one to break the freezeframe. He walked over to check Sadik's pulse, but Yekaterina stopped him.

'Ah, ni! I don't think you should move him... S-Sadik is... dead...'

Well observed. There was another moment's silence, before the sound of Tino fainting in the doorway. The storm raging outside certainly didn't lighten the mood at all. Berwald moved Tino out of the way and closed the door, then knelt back down next to his 'wife'. Eirikur and I both hauled ourselves up off the floor.

'This is _definitely_ not good,' Eirikur stated. 'That knife went all the way through the book. Whoever did this was pretty strong.'

Ok, Herakles disappears, then_ this_ happens? Totally not suspicious, oh no.

'Norge, what are you going to do about your little brother?' Eirikur asked me.

'I don't want him to know. Don't tell him anything.'

'Hmm,' Eirikur nodded. 'Looks like we've got ourselves a mystery, all right... and a closed circle to go with it. Look here. The doors and windows are locked from the inside.' _Were_ locked, you mean. We smashed through that door. 'So the question is, how did the killer enter, commit the crime and leave?'

Well, we've got two obvious suspects. We already know Herakles and Sadik don't- well, didn't- get along well. On the other hand, the weapon was clearly Natalia's. What's going on here?

Berwald carried Tino back to the bedroom, where my brother was waiting for us. We ended up sitting there for a while, thinking.

'...hey, Norge? Did something bad happen?' my brother asked me, tugging on my sleeve.

'Mr Adnan got sick, and he's resting in his room, so we've got to stay here, ok?'

'Then... is Tino sick?' You'd certainly think so, looking at him tucked up in bed like that, clutching the duvet.

Mathias got up suddenly. 'Nor. Can we talk?' I followed him to the door. 'Oh, Berwald? Lock the door and don't open it for anyone. Got it?'

'...mm.' Mathias and I walked out of the bedroom, and I closed the door behind me. I waited for the click of the door locking. Sure enough, there it was.

_Click._

* * *

'Do you think Sadik was actually murdered?' There was a note of worry I hadn't heard in Mathias' voice before.

'That's what it looks like...'

'Aww, this is crazy... I never thought something like this could actually happen...' And yet you were raving about how much you wanted something mysterious to happen! Make your mind up! Of course, it's a bit different when someone actually dies. So we've got a murder in a locked room on a deserted island in a storm... what are the chances? Pretty high when Mathias is around...

'...we're in some really big trouble now, aren't we...' Yeah. Big trouble indeed.

'Hate to say it, but it looks like it could have been either Herakles or Natalia...' I stared out of the window. What a perfect setting.

'Oh yeah! Tino told me something yesterday! Apparently while we were all playing in the ocean the other day, he saw Sadik and Herakles arguing about something on one of the balconies!'

'Arguing? We've already seen they don't get along.'

'Oh, and you know when we were playing table tennis yesterday? I went to the bathroom in the middle of one of the games, remember? Well, I overheard something! One of the doors was open slightly, and I heard Herakles asking someone over the phone to get his passport and traveller's cheques ready! Bet you that was him preparing to leave!'

'Then what's the point in locking up the room like that? Natalia has access to all of the keys, Herakles is still just a guest.'

'Argh, I can't just stand here and not do anything! Come on, Nor, we're checking Sadik's room again!' He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me off somewhere. Makes a change from the collar, I guess, although it's not like I'm wearing a tie or anything. Who'd wear a tie on a holiday like this?

Of course, there was one obstacle we'd forgotten about.

'I-I'm sorry! I called the police and they told us nobody was allowed inside until they got here!' Yekaterina was stood outside Sadik's room. And we couldn't get in. Dammit.

'Then when are they getting here?' Mathias was getting impatient.

'W-with the forecast... they said the storm'd clear up by tomorrow afternoon, so probably then...' The door to the room was open slightly, and I could see Sadik's body through the gap. I don't think it had quite sunk in yet... Sadik was actually dead...

'Was the door locked all night?'

'I don't know... I saw the door closed so I knocked... He keeps all sorts of important documents in there, so we're not supposed to open the door if he didn't answer!'

'Sadik and Herakles _really _didn't get along, did they?' That was me. Couldn't leave all the talking to Mathias, could I?

'No, not at all...'

'Then why did he invite him over?'

'I don't know! I'm sorry! Talia and I have only been employed here a week!'

'A _week_?' Of course! That's when the mansion was finished!

'W-we were only going to be employed here for two weeks anyway, and... and now...' Yekaterina was about to break down again, probably.

'And you'd never worked for him before?'

She sniffed. 'N-ni... And all I know about the two of them is that Herakles was employed in Sadik's company...'

There was something... off about Yekaterina's explanation. The way she and Natalia acted when we met them... the way Eirikur greeted them like friends... it just didn't fit!

* * *

Mathias and I left, dejected. We hadn't got much information from Yekaterina, and- wait a minute.

'Eirikur? What are you doing here?' I could spot that white hair and attached puffin from a mile away. What was_ he_ doing under the stairs like that?

'Hm? Oh, I was looking around the mansion. Can't find Herakles anywhere. What about you?'

'We were going outside to find the boat!' Mathias shouted back at him.

'You _won't find_ the boat.' Crap. Natalia. 'Cat-face was in an awful rush yesterday... Heading for the front entrance, no less...'

'So he took the boat and left?' Eirikur seemed awfully calm talking to Natalia. Something was definitely not right.

'Last time I saw his damned sleepy face. About 1 in the morning...'

'Come on, Nor. We're going to check the harbour.'

There was no point resisting. Mathias was going to drag me along whether I like it or not. As it happens, though, I was actually pretty keen on checking.

The sooner we solve this, the better.

* * *

A/N: The plot thickens! Like custard!

Not really too much to say for this chapter. It's a little later than usual, but school got in the way. [Two-hour French exam! Nooooes!]

Next chapter features... stripping! And for once, said stripping doesn't involve Tino!

Until next time, antio~


	26. Remote Island V

Remote Island Syndrome V - Logic and Trick

* * *

The storm was not only drenching Mathias and myself, it also limited visibility. In other words, I couldn't see a damn thing. We made our way slowly to the best place to see the harbour, which was dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. And since Mathias was dragging me along by my wrist, one wrong move and we'd both fall off... Our fingers locked together. Much more secure. Actually, if I'm with Mathias, I feel like our chances are pretty good even if we do fall off.

'Nor! See that?' Mathias pointed out to the harbour. Sure enough, there was no boat to be seen. 'So Herakles did it!'

With dull grey skies and the sea so black, it was reminding me an awful lot of closed space... Of course, the storm reassured me that we hadn't fallen into closed space. After all, it's deathly quiet there, and there's certainly no gale-force winds trying to blow you off the cliff.

'Nor!' Mathias' voice startled me. 'Someone's there!' He pointed to somewhere past the rocks. Are you sure there's someone there? I can't see anything! How could he have seen something and known it was a person? 'Maybe it's... the _murderer_!' And with that, he yanked my arm almost out of its socket, pulling me towards the rocks where he _might_ have seen someone.

The only path to where he'd seen something was a tiny ledge on the side of the cliff. I really don't know what we were thinking, but next thing I knew, we were both edging our way along the ledge. It was a long way down...

'Are you sure you saw them come this way?' I had to yell to make my voice heard over the rain.

'Had to have done! This is the only pa-aa-aaa_aaa_!' Mathias had slipped, pulling the both of us off the ledge...

'Mathias!' I shouted, but it was no use. We fell.

Do you know exactly how hard rock is to fall onto? Try falling onto rock, then having Mathias Køhler fall on top of you. It's not comfortable. We lay there for a while.

I felt him moving a little on top of me. Then I couldn't feel the pressure any more, so I assume he got up.

'Nor! _Norge_! Are you all right?' He was tugging at my shoulder. He was awfully worried... 'Are you alive?'

I opened my eyes to see Mathias sitting beside me. I shifted slightly. It was fairly painful. 'Y-yeah, I'm ok...'

I didn't think it at the time, but the look of sheer relief on Mathias' face was adorable. Especially since his normally-crazy hair had gone completely limp and was now hanging over his eyes. He'd left the hat back at the mansion, by the way.

'We're in trouble now, aren't we...' I hauled myself up. We hadn't fallen that far, but there was no way of getting back up, and the rain made everything slippery anyway.

'Yeah, we are... Don't think we can make it back up there.'

'Oh? Over there!' There was a large crevasse in the side of the cliff... and it looked like we could actually get there! Great!

Even better, it was warm in the cave. After being out in a storm like that, shelter was wonderful. Was it just the earth, or was there a hot spring nearby? It didn't really matter...

'I'm _sure_ I saw a shadow back there.' Mathias had removed his shirt, presumably to try to dry it off a bit. That wasn't a bad idea, actually.

...yes, I was looking. What of it?

'You sure it was a person?' My own shirt removed, I started to wring it out to get some of the rain out.

'It looked like a person! Although... hej, Nor?'

'Ja?'

'Do you think Herakles really murdered Mr Adnan?'

'As in, what?' That's the most logical conclusion right now, but... things still don't fit together properly. Also, I never knew a T-shirt like this could hold so much water.

'Well, according to the knife nut, he left the island at one in the morning. But Sadik's body was still warm when we found him, so he can't have been dead long! See, the times don't fit!' Mathias used his shirt to attempt to get some water out of his hair. It still hadn't returned to its usual glorious mess, but it was the closest he could get.

'So what, Herakles took a boat out at one in the middle of a storm, came back and killed Sadik before running away again? Why bother?' My shirt wasn't completely dry, but it was good enough to act as a towel.

'I don't think that's how it worked! Even if it was only an hour before we found him, _someone_ should have seen or heard something! We were all awake and wandering around, remember?' Of course I remember. You threw a pillow in my face. My poor little nose...

'Then you think Sadik managed to stay alive for hours and locked all the doors and windows? If Herakles wasn't the murderer, then-'

'Wait! I got it!' Mathias grabbed my shoulder. That was... dangerously close to the curl, so I tilted my head away from his hand. 'I know what happened in there! ...Nor, are you even listening?' He shook my shoulder lightly. So. _Annoying_.

'Yes, I'm listening. Now get off my shoulder.' His hand didn't move. Typical.

'Ok, I'm pretty sure Herakles is the culprit. Why else'd he run away like that, unless he was the one that stabbed Sadik?'

'True.' ...wasn't _I_ the one that made that connection?

'Then how did it happen?'

'Go on. Enlighten me.'

'I think it was an accident. Herakles got angry, started waving the knife around and... yeah. But the knife was stopped by the notebook, so Sadik wasn't quite dead! He went into shock and passed out. Herakles didn't know this. He thought he'd just killed his cousin, so he panicked and ran for it! Here's where it gets complicated, though... Sadik was unconscious most of the night, and came to next morning. That's when he locked himself in, since he didn't want Herakles coming back. Then he tripped over his own feet and fell face-down on the floor! The impact pushed the knife in and finished the job.' He'd been gripping my shoulder tighter as he progressed through that explanation.

'Mathias, there are a number of flaws in that theory. Do you think it all went that smoothly?'

'But that's how it happened, Nor!' He leant in closer to my face. It was quite... irritating.

'Look, firstly, I think Herakles would know if he'd killed his cousin. Secondly, where the hell did Herakles get one of Natalia's knives? And thirdly, we found Sadik lying face-up, so that couldn't have killed him.'

'Wh-wha... hmm, I suppose, but _that_ means...' Hmm? He stopped? He still hadn't released my shoulder... at this rate it'd fall off.

'Something wrong?'

'Nej, I wasn't thinking straight. I'm fine.'

A loud 'Hei!' cut off whatever either of us were about to say. 'Can you hear me? Are you ok in there?'

Sounded like we'd been found. Sure enough, Eirikur walked into the cave, although he was a little hesitant once he realised neither of us were wearing shirts.

'...am I interrupting something?'

Dammit. Why do people always end up getting the impression that we're... you know, dating? Because we're _not_! And the closed space incident does _not_ count!

* * *

Anyway, thanks to Eirikur we made it back to the mansion in one piece.

Well, it looks like there are a fair few holes in Mathias' deductions. Herakles wasn't on the island when Sadik was killed, so someone else is the murderer... Natalia? It was certainly her knife, but I doubt she'd be able to push it through that notebook as well. Argh, this doesn't make sense!

I took a walk through the mansion to collect my thoughts- what was that noise? Sounded like someone eating in the kitchen.

Oh. Just my brother trying to steal food. Irritating brat. He's still small enough for me to pick up, so that's what I did to stop him before he ate anything.

'Wah! Norge, you scared me!'

'Thief.' I dropped him. Hey, you can't blame me. We've all got annoying siblings, nei?

'Hey, no fair! I'm hungry!'

'_Noisy_.' Natalia had materialised behind me. 'If it keeps you _quiet_... I'll send some food to your room.'

'So unfair! Someone got to eat before everyone else!' My brother was peering over the edge of the table at a half-empty plate. Really, was food that important right now?

'Da, Katyusha. She hadn't eaten, so I brought her food early.' So Natalia did have a caring streak after all. It was probably only reserved for Yekaterina, though...

I excused myself and the brat from the kitchen, then marched him back to the room with Berwald and Tino. I was greeted with Mathias banging on the door with his fists, and Eirikur standing there completely indifferent.

'Berwald, it's me! Let me in, dammit!'

'Y'told me not t'open the door for anyone.' Berwald's usually-quiet voice was muffled further by the door he was refusing to open.

'But it's fine now! Open up!'

'Contradicts my orders.'

'Tino still out cold?' I asked Eirikur.

'Most likely. We'd hear him otherwise.'

'Grr, when I said 'anyone' I meant 'anyone outside the SOS Brigade'! Let me in!' Mathias was beginning to get angry, which was never good.

'My orders were t'lock the door 'n not open it for anyone.'

'But you didn't say anything when I left just now!' my brother piped up.

'Irrelevant.'

'Dammit, Berwald, do I have to break_ this_ door down too?' This was getting a little out of hand, so I intervened.

'Berwald? Consider Mathias' orders retracted. Look, my brother's out here, please open the door...'

_Click._

The door swung open, and there was Berwald, imposing as ever even in casual wear.

'Tak! Finally! Berwald, you don't need to be so literal!' Berwald gave no response, but went to sit back down next to the bed where Tino was sleeping.

Wait. Maybe that was his idea of a joke. I mean, he's so expressionless, it's difficult to tell what he's thinking!

My brother ran into the room in a cheerful way that nobody else could manage at this time. Obviously, he still didn't know about the murder. Besides, he's getting along very well with Berwald and Tino, so it's best to leave him with them.

'What do we do now, then?' Eirikur asked. 'Going to keep trying to find the answers?'

'Uh... nej. I'm clearly not the detective I thought I was. Just let the police handle it.' And with that, Mathias walked straight into the bedroom. Wow. What brought on the sudden change of heart?

Best to think about this later, I guess.

* * *

A/N: *dies* Oh, the ship tease... this is waaaay too much fun to write.

These scenes work so much better with a visual aid... which is totally not an excuse to go look up pictures . Title is from the Ace Attorney soundtrack.

Speaking of which, next chapter features dramatic objections! It's also the last of the Remote Island Syndrome chapters.

Until next time, da pabachznnyar~


	27. Remote Island VI

Remote Island Syndrome VI - Turnabout Island

* * *

Eirikur and I moved back to one of the other bedrooms. Looks like he had something he wanted to talk to me about. I explained what Mathias and I had been talking about during our little excursion. I also took the opportunity to reassure him that we were only shirtless because we were drying our clothes. Nothing more.

'I... see.' Somehow I'm not sure he bought that story, but I'm sure the arguments could wait.

'Yeah. But if Mathias was so enthusiastic about the whole 'playing detective' thing, why'd he just drop it like that?'

Eirikur sighed that 'so-stupid' sigh of his. 'Don't you get it? Most of what he said was correct. Want to hear my theory?'

'Go ahead.' I'm probably not going to like it, though...

'Ok. Mathias was correct in his deductions right up until the point where he actually dies. Herakles stabbed Sadik, thought he'd killed him and fled. We woke him up with all our banging on the door, so he staggered over to the door, and then...'

And then..? Oh. Oh no._ Faen_. It was _us_ bursting through the door that killed him?

'You figured it out? We were the ones that pushed the knife in. You, Mathias and me. _We're_ the murderers. That's why Mathias wanted to drop the case... he worked it out. That's why he didn't say anything... he was protecting the three of us.'

I'm so sorry, Eirikur... your theory makes sense... but it's unfortunate you had to figure it out... I've just got to keep you quiet and this all goes away... nobody will ever find out, will they? My hands grasped his neck...

'Somebody heeeelp!' My brother ran down the corridor to find Yekaterina. 'Help me!'

'Wh-what is it?' Yekaterina's voice was shaking already.

'I-it's Eirikur! Somebody stabbed him in the chest with a knife and he's dead!'

'Wha?' She gasped loudly.

'Follow me! Hurry!' My brother ran off, with Yekaterina in tow. Excellent.

* * *

'Huh. Never expected _you_ to be so badass.'

'Ja? Just keep quiet and I won't have to kill _you_ too.'

This is how it went. Herakles snuck back in and killed Eirikur. He'd probably realised that he'd been found out, and a killer knows their motive, nei? So we'll say he was acting weird. That should work.

'Think the police will buy that?'

'Yeah. But we've got to stab the corpse a few more times to make Herakles look completely deranged.' The knife flashed in the light. 'Here goes-'

'_Hayir_!' Sadik suddenly jerked awake. Mathias and I were standing over him, knife in Mathias' hand. I knew that would work, somehow. After all... what's the point of a murder without a victim?

Eirikur approached us from behind. Yeah, that was all just a ploy. 'Looks like you figured us out, huh. Game's over. We lost.'

We all gathered in the dining room. Everyone. All the SOS Brigade, my brother, Yekaterina, Natalia, Sadik and Herakles.

'Eheh, looks like you beat us fair and square...' Yekaterina actually sounded incredibly relieved. Well, keeping a secret like that for a few days must have been difficult.

'I only did it because Norge told me to!' That was my brother. He may be an irritating brat most of the time, but he does have his uses, I guess.

'Right then! Mathias Køhler, genius and super-sleuth, is going to reveal the results! Hahahaha!' Oh, sure, Mathias, why don't you praise yourself a little more? Arrogant moron... 'Ok! As ya can see, it was all a big hoax organised by Eirikur and our wonderful hosts! Impressive plot, guys, 'specially with that red herring at the end!'

'Nice observation there.' Eirikur sounded as uninterested as ever. Since we weren't actually eating anything, the puffin was sat on the table in front of him. Does that thing ever leave his side?

Oh, and I bet Berwald knew everything that was going on... why can't he just tell us once in a while? So much less stressful...

'You really had me going at the start, I'll admit! Then I got your 'solution' where Nor, Eirikur and I were the killers. And I wasn't having any of that. After all, if the door was enough to push the knife through the book, the door should have been damaged!' Mathias slammed his hands on the table. He was certainly getting into the spirit of this. 'But there was nothing! No blood, no scratches, no _anything_!'

Excuse me, mister, that was _my_ observation, takk...

'But... it's a sturdy door... not much evidence... to suspect anything...' Herakles still sounded half-asleep. Maybe he was narcoleptic or something.

'That's not the only thing! When we first met Yekaterina and Natalia after we'd just left the ferry, the implication was that they'd met Eirikur before, but Yekaterina said they'd only been working here a week!'

'_Correct_.' Natalia, this time. Didn't sound too happy to be found out.

Oh, and that one was me too. Remember, plagiarism gets you everywhere...

'Also, when we first went to Sadik's room, Eirikur knew which one it was! But he'd told us on the ferry that he'd never been to the island before, so he couldn't know which was Sadik's room! How did you know, Eirikur?'

Eirikur sighed. 'Two mistakes? I'm slacking.'

'But wait, boy! That's not so strange, he could have found out while you were doing something else!' That one was Sadik. I still don't know why he wore that mask, but there it was, stuck on his face. I can't even see his eyes through it.

'One last clue was the half-empty plate in the kitchen. Nor, you take this one. I didn't see the plate.' Oh, sure, just pass it on to me when it most suits you...

'I noticed what was left on the plate,' I explained. 'I'd seen what he was eating before he was supposedly killed, and it matched the leftovers. Sure, Yekaterina could have eaten it, but that was what made me think maybe Mr Adnan wasn't as dead as we thought he was.'

Mathias' eyes were blazing by this point. 'Put it all together and there's only one conclusion!' He flung his arm out, pointing dramatically. 'There was _never_ a murder! Sadik Adnan never died!'

The room was silent for a moment at the sheer over-the-top-ness of it all. Well... that's Mathias for you.

'Wow, amazing!' My brother was clapping loudly. I really don't know how I manage to put up with both him and Mathias... they're_ both _so annoying. Besides, Mathias is probably hearing applause a thousand times louder...

'So! We decided we'd put on a show of our own!'

Tino nodded. He'd recovered from his little fainting spell once we'd realised there was no murder. 'So that argument on the balcony was a fake too!'

'Yep! And that one when we arrived! Natalia's knife was used to throw us off a bit, but nothing gets past Mathias Køhler! Haha!' If he keeps blowing his own trumpet like this, we're going to need an entire brass band to shut him up...

'Phonecall... fake too...'

Eirikur shrugged. 'Well, I was planning on letting you know eventually. Looks like we underestimated you.'

'I'm amazed you solved it so quickly, boy!' Sadik was waving the notebook around. Obviously, since his pocket was still in one piece, the knife had been removed. Besides, Natalia probably wanted it back.

'All your detective work pulled their scheme apart. I'm impressed, Mathias.' Hey, he may be an idiot sometimes, but he deserves some praise.

He winked at me. 'But of course, Nor! It's elementary!'

Oh, I wonder who you scrounged that line off?

* * *

Soon, the week was over, and it was time to go back home and leave the island. We spent the rest of the week doing more typical holiday activities, and Mathias spent a lot of the week drunk. I suppose you just get used to these things...

The weather was back to its former glorious self as we took the boat back to the big port. I took the time to ask Eirikur more questions, since I didn't really feel like playing more card games.

'So this was all cooked up by your Agency?'

'Indeed. Sadik, Herakles, Natalia and Yekaterina are all members. We thought it was best if we kept Mathias' mind away from strange things, so we kept him occupied with a mystery. Although bringing your brother was rather... unexpected.' Yeah? It's not like I wanted him to come...

'Hei, wait. I asked you before and you said the Agency had nothing to do with this.'

'I couldn't exactly tell you then, could I? Really... Puffin,_ don't_ say anything. Mathias is still around. Oh, out of interest, Norge, when did you catch on to our little scheme?'

Hmm... when _did _I figure it out? Actually, the answer wasn't that hard. 'From the beginning, I guess.'

'...that so...' Eirikur was... staring at the back of my neck? Why? Or was it the curl he was staring at? I don't know how it works or why it's there, so don't bother asking!

'Well, there's no way Mathias would actually wish for someone to be murdered. No matter how much he wanted a mystery, he'd never want someone to die. It's just how he is.'

'I see... you really trust him, don't you? Deeper than you'll admit, I think...'

'What's _that_ supposed to mean?'

'Oh, I've seen the glances. Don't think I haven't noticed.'

'Noticed _what_?'

There's that sigh again. _Damn_, it's annoying. 'Nothing. Forget it.'

I hate it when people tell you to forget something. That just seems like more reason to remember it, since it's something they don't want you to know. So was Eirikur seriously implying... _argh_, I told him there was nothing going on!

'One last thing. Mathias said he saw something out on the rocks. Was that part of the scheme as well?'

'Hmm? Don't know what you're on about.'

'Oh, come on.'

'I'm serious. There's no reason for me to lie _now_, is there? The mystery's been solved.'

'Well, he saw something. What could it be?'

'Maybe Mathias wished for a murderer that wasn't one of us?' So what, now there's some murderous thing rampaging around the island?

...nah. It was probably just the rain making him see stuff.

I turned back to watch Mathias and the others.

'So! Where d'ya wanna go next? The Bermuda Triangle? That's mysterious!'

'Is Bermuda really a triangle?' Oh, the innocence of 11-year-olds.

Well, we didn't go anywhere else that summer. On the other hand, summer lasted much longer than any of us expected...

* * *

A/N: Quite possibly the weirdest example of taking a third option ever.

I watched the Disappearance movie the other day. T'was amazing! [Although I really can't imagine Sweden acting quite like Yuki did xD I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, not before.]

Next chapter, summer continues! [No, I'm not torturing you all with the same stuff again and again. Who'd do something like that? Apart from KyoAni, of course...]

Until next time, arrivederci~


	28. Endless Summer I

Endless Summer I - Nothing Beats the Stench of Chlorine

* * *

It was just another summer day, really. There was nothing at all to suggest that it would be any different to a normal day. My brother and I were lazing in front of the television, half-watching the football match that was on. I'm not really interested in football, but I found myself half-heartedly cheering for the losing side. Everyone loves an underdog...

and that's right about the point where my phone started ringing.

Now let's think. Who'd ring in the middle of the day, probably end up ordering me around and giving me very little warning about it? Yep. It was Mathias.

'Hej, Nor, you're free, right?'

'Uh-'

'Good! Meet us at 2 in front of the station!' And... he hung up. Great. How did _he_ know I was free? I mean, I was, but that's beside the point! I could have been very busy for all he knew-

My phone rang again.

'Forgot to mention, bring your swimming stuff, and your bike! Oh, and money! Lots of money! Ok, farvel!' Yeah, _him_ again. What's all that about?

Sigh... suppose I'd better get my stuff together, or Mathias will explode. And that would be a very bad thing.

Oh, and the losing team on the TV? They carried on losing. Which was _not_ my doing.

Knowing the SOS Brigade's policy of making the last one there pay for everything, I cycled to the station as fast as I could. Of course, my crappy luck manages to show through much too often, and everyone was already there. Never mind the fact that I was fifteen minutes early... that's it. Next time I'm arriving an hour early. That'll show them.

'Late, Nor! Penalty!' Mathias' dramatic pointer finger had returned. 'Ok, now everyone's here we can get going! Berwald, take Eirikur's bike and carry Tino! Nor, I'm stealing your bike and you and Eirikur are riding on the back!'

'Wait, why are you stealing _my_ bike? Don't you have one of your own?' He's Danish, he must have one!

'Because I'm not wasting mine on you!' I'm glad he values us so highly...

'Where are we going, anyway?'

'The public pool, of course! Why else'd I ask ya to bring your swimming stuff?' ...could you _not_ get so close to my face? You're annoying. 'Besides, we've got lots of summer-y things to do and only two weeks left, and once that's gone it's gone!'

Gone? Oh, I'm sure _something_ will come up. It is Mathias, after all.

Luckily, the swimming pool wasn't too far away from the station. Why we needed to cycle there is beyond me, but once again Køhler logic has failed every test.

* * *

Well, you can see why they call it a 'public' pool. It's crowded. Suddenly I wasn't too keen on this idea... I hate large crowds of people. Still, the Brigade was here together, so I can't go anywhere without being punished for it later...

'Ah, smell that chlorine! Let's go!' And with that, Mathias ran down the steps and jumped straight into the pool. Can't he read the 'No Diving' sign? Evidently not, as he got back out again and pulled Tino and Berwald in. I remember thinking, wow, he must be pretty strong to be able to pull Berwald into the pool with one hand. I mean, the guy's huge! Although he wasn't exactly putting up much of a resistance...

'Come on! The water's really warm!' Only Eirikur and I were dry at this point.

'Nice to see Mathias enjoying himself in normal ways,' Eirikur commented to me. I'm... not entirely sure whether he was serious or not...

'He phoned me without warning, gave me a list of things to bring, then stole my bicycle. That's not 'nice'.'

'On the other hand, it keeps him occupied so he won't make anything unusual happen. I mean, there haven't been any problems since the island incident, so with any luck that will continue. As far as we and Mathias are concerned, there is nothing to worry about.'

..._right_. Let's see how long that lasts.

'Hej! You haven't been in the water yet!' Mathias called to us. He again clambered out of the pool, grabbed both of our wrists and dragged us into the pool. _Dammit_, Mathias, warn me next time!

After we'd drowned ourselves enough, we ate lunch by the side of the pool. Tino'd brought food - many packets of liquorice, several different types of sandwich and lots of other stuff I can't be bothered to list. Well, Tino was in the Cookery Club before Mathias kidnapped him, so naturally it was all very tasty. Unfortunately, tastes don't translate very well into words, so I can't describe it here. Well... things were certainly peaceful around here.

A beach ball bounced off the side of Mathias' leg. A young boy and girl were running towards us, apologising. Well, the girl was the one apologising. She had a flower in her hair and eyebrows almost as thick as my brother's. The boy, on the other hand, had an odd haircurl similar to mine, except actually attached to his head. Oh, and it was much more angular. Anyway, descriptions aside, Mathias seemed to take it as a challenge, and ran off to play with the two back in the water. The rest of us moved into the shade. Not a bad way to spend the holidays, really, even if it was at such short notice.

Hmm... I wonder what Berwald was staring at? It looked like he was just aimlessly staring into the middle distance...

'Nor!' Mathias had gathered the two children and brought them over to meet us. 'Ok, you two, this is the rest of my brigade! Just ask them if ya need anything, ok?' So now we were being roped in as workbitches for two random kids you just met? Mathias...

'Ok!' the two said in unison. I wonder if they go to my brother's school? I think I may have seen them around once or twice, but I can't be sure.

Anyway, pool time was over. Mathias took us back to our usual café, where he produced an incredibly long list. A list of _what_, I hear you ask? Things he wanted to cram into our final two weeks of summer. That we'd all be doing as a Brigade. I couldn't get away from this crazy bunch even if I wanted to...

The activities he'd listed included such things as part-time jobs, that festival tomorrow, seeing fireworks, and 'going on a trip', whatever that meant. Going to the pool had already been crossed out... well, obviously, since we'd just done that.

'Anything else you want to do?' Mathias asked all of us.

'Uh... I'd like to try goldfish scooping?' Tino suggested.

'Ok! Goldfish scooping it is then! I think they have a stall like that at the festival, so it should be fine!' And what, pray tell, are you going to do if they don't? Although, thinking about it, if there isn't one planned Mathias will probably make one appear... 'We'll start on the list tomorrow!'

Well... there go my chances of a peaceful two weeks.

And since I was, uh... 'late' despite being fifteen minutes early, I got stuck paying for everyone's drinks at the café. I despise Mathias' policies sometimes...

* * *

A/N: Shorter chapter today... sorry!

The two kids are Wy and Seborga, since they're among the younger nations in Hetalia. Admittedly, I can't find a suitable festival to replace O-bon, so I'm keeping it generic. Regarding pairings and stuff... I'm really not the best person at writing stuff like that, so it'll probably stay as subtext, but I'll try to get enough in to keep you rabid shippers happy xD

Next chapter, everyone goes shopping, and visits the festival! Woo!

Until next time, farewell~


	29. Endless Summer II

Endless Summer II - Festivalen

* * *

The next morning I was woken up by, you guessed it, a call from Mathias. Disturbing my lie-in like that... is there nothing he won't do to make my life hell?

He'd decided to wake me up at this unearthly hour to remind me that the festival he wanted to drag us all along to was this evening. Because I'm completely unable to remember things for myself, clearly. Oh, and for some strange reason we had to meet up in town before the festival. Why? Well... Mathias thinks we need matching outfits. Goodness knows why he thinks that, but that's just the way his mind works, I guess...

We all gathered at the station again. It's easy for everyone to remember, and it's fairly central, so it's easy to get to where you want to go. Mathias led the way to the shop. Presumably he already had some kind of idea...

'Here!' He'd stopped. Hmm... black suit things? 'And we're all getting different colours! I'm red, of course!' Well... red _did_ suit Mathias very well.

In the end, we ended up getting those. Mathias' shirt was red, like he said. Tino got a yellow one, Eirikur got green, Berwald ended up with blue and I chose a purple-ish colour. Shame. I would have liked the blue one, but Mathias insisted we can't have the same colours as each other. Maybe one day I might actually be able to understand his crazy head.

On the other hand, he did look _great_ in that...

Anyway, once we were all in the appropriate attire, it was time to head to the festival. I don't even know what they're supposed to be celebrating. Some people will give any excuse for a party...

There were stalls absolutely everywhere. Know what else was everywhere? _People_. The place was completely packed, and like I said before, crowds don't agree with me. With maybe the exception of Mathias and Berwald, it's really difficult for me to talk to people I'm not familiar with. With Mathias I wasn't expecting much of a response anyway, and the silence with Berwald was just too awkward.

But anyway, back to the festival. Mathias immediately dragged me over to where some Italian guy was selling pasta. He seemed like a cheery fellow, at least. The stall next to him had a plentiful supply of both churros and tomatoes. Can't say I'm too fond of tomatoes, actually. The churro stall was manned by two people. One of them was the kind of ditzy, eternally-cheerful person you often got at stalls because they can sell stuff, but the other one looked like he was there under sufferance. Poor guy.

After one or two rounds of pasta, I finally managed to escape from the Danish idiot and catch up with the rest of the Brigade. Tino'd found his goldfish-scooping, although he didn't actually manage to catch any. Shame... I'm sure Mathias would have loved a clubroom pet. I found Berwald at a mask stall.

'Hei, you wanted one of them?' I asked.

'...mm.' The faintest of nods. I'd got pretty used to noticing his tiny movements. '...tha' one.'

He pointed to a Moomin mask. Didn't know he was into that sort of stuff, although I will admit they are cute.

'Yours for one hundred kroner, da-ze!' This salesman was... odd. And I keep bumping into people with these weird haircurls. Why has Mathias not noticed them yet? Was it really that traumatising that Midsummer..?

But yeah, Berwald bought the mask, and we met back up with Mathias and everyone else.

'Have to say, they sell some really nice food here!' Mathias was cheerful as usual. 'Hm? What's with the mask, Berwald?'

'...bought it.'

'Well, yah, but why that one?'

No response. Hm.

'...mmm, ok, then... Hej! There's a bunch of stuff over there we haven't seen yet! Let's go!' And without a moment to respond, the collar-grab technique had returned. So _that's_ why he insisted on the outfits. It's much harder to pull someone along when they're just wearing a T-shirt or something that doesn't have a collar.

We spent the next few hours wandering around the remaining stalls. Berwald failed to work out how the pellet guns worked, although Eirikur managed to shoot a very large box of liquorice off the shelf. Lucky bastard. I had no luck whatsoever.

We got tired of walking around after a while, so we sat ourselves on a bench. Nice to take the weight off your feet, I guess... and a great place to sit and watch the sun set. It's really late...

'Here, Nor.' Hm? Mathias was holding out a tray of pastries. And for once, he was smiling normally, not that stupid grin he usually wore.

'Ah, takk.' Mmmm... tasty. Tasty Danish...

'Tasty, nej? Ok, we've seen just about everything now. So we're going to shoot off some fireworks!' Actually, that's not a bad idea. It'd make a nice end to the day.

* * *

One of the stalls sold fireworks, so getting them was easy enough. The guy at the stall looked oddly familiar... I think I may have seen him around school somewhere? Eh, I'm sure it'll come to me.

Do you know just how much fun waving around a sparkling stick around is? Much more fun than it sounds. It's dark, and the sparks are pretty... Eirikur was the one setting up the bigger fireworks. Just as well, really, since Mathias would probably end up blasting one of us in the face... most likely me. And that would really ruin my day.

Oh, and when Mathias had the insane idea of attaching a bunch of rockets to a bicycle? I ended up being the one riding it. Not that I minded. Who cares if it's dangerous? I get to cycle at full speed and yell random words without looking like a complete moron! And the fireworks are pretty!

Ok, ok, I still look like a moron. But I'm a moron with style. _Yeeeaaah_.

Soon, the last sparkler fizzled out. Mathias got out his list and ticked off both the festival and the fireworks. Then I thought of something... vaguely important.

'Hej, Mathias? Hate to ruin your... _tremendous_ fun, but have you actually done all your homework?' Because I haven't. Yeah, hypocrite, I know. But be quiet.

'Of course! Can't have something like that getting in the way of our fun, can we? It was only three days' worth anyway!'

'Th-_three_ days?' _Seriously_? How can an idiot like him take three days to do all that? It's not like the teachers let up on us or anything... maybe I'll have to reconsider calling him an idiot all the time...

'Yep! So tomorrow, we're going bug-catching! And the winner... hmm... gets to be brigade leader for a day!'

Why? Just... why?

Oh, I forgot. Rule number one of the SOS Brigade. Thou shalt not question Mathias Køhler, for he thinks you are nothing but a slave to his superior will. That, and he'll destroy the world if he gets too angry.

So yay. Bug catching. See my excitement. Woohoo.

Oh, who am I kidding?

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! We're back to full-time imprisonment- I mean, lessons, so updates will slow down.

Most people associate Moomins with Finland, but the guy who wrote it was actually Swedish. According to TVTropes, anyway. Also, count the cameos! Italy, Spain, Romano, Korea, Hong Kong... [tasty Danish... nom nom nom *shot'd*]

EDIT: I've been corrected on the Moomin point - thankye to SomeSnowInShell~ She was a Swedish-speaking Finn. I'm an idiot who can't read. Sorry ^^' I'm currently going through the fic and adding accents and other non-standard letters which I was too lazy to add in before. I've also rewritten one or two things so it fits better with later sections.

Next chapter finishes the summer in style. Sort of.

Until next time, annyeong~


	30. Endless Summer III

Endless Summer III - Battle Only in the Tall Grass

* * *

The next day I _really_ wanted it to rain. But of course, we had glorious sunshine - in fact, it was the warmest day of summer so far. Typical. Looks like we'll have to go ahead with this stupid bug-catching idea after all...

I'd been ordered to meet the Brigade at the nearby forest. Our lord and master had decided that actually, only a certain type of bug would count towards the total. It was a competition, of course. What else would it be?

'Hmm...' Mathias looked surprisingly thoughtful for once... 'I wonder if these bugs taste good?' Ok, forget that. Just another stupid idea.

'I don't want to find out. And don't we look a bit suspicious coming up here with nets and boxes?'

'Hehe, silly Nor. How else are we going to catch these bugs?'

'That wasn't the point.'

'Off we go then! Remember, winner is brigade leader for a day!'

Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

Mathias ran straight off into the trees. Tino and Berwald soon left, too, leaving Eirikur with me. It always seems to end up like this. It's slightly irritating how everyone just leaves me with him.

'Well, at least _someone's_ eager to win.'

'That's a good thing. We know what would happen if he didn't.'

Hm. Fair point.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't catch any of the damned things at first. They're so small, it's hard to see them. But of course, try telling that to Mathias. Because he was incredibly good at this. Berwald and Eirikur weren't bad, either. Tino, on the other hand, seemed to be making more contact with the trees than with the bugs. I got the hang of it eventually, but it was still hard work...

It was mid-afternoon when we finished. The sun was still blazing away up in that happy sky. Hei, sun, care to beam some of that joy down to me? I kinda need it!

I know, metaphail again. Ignore me.

And cue the drum roll, the results of the SOS Brigade's Bug-Catching Contest are in! In a fairly miserable fifth place and earning the wooden spoon, Tino Väinämöinen with one bug! Standing on the shoulders of midgets in fourth place, Berwald Oxenstierna with four bugs! Stuck in the middle with seven bugs, Eirikur Steilsson! Tantalisingly close to that prize, uh... me. Nine bugs. Woo. Which means blasting into first with a grand total of twelve bugs, Hurricane Mathias.

Ok, hands up who saw that coming. ...Yeah, thought so. Mr Reality-Warper, Mr I-Hate-Losing, our wonderful brigade leader gets the prize of... being the brigade leader.

'Haha! I just can't give up this position, not even for a day!' Loud and annoying as ever.

'So now we've caught all these bugs, what are we going to do with them? Eat them?'

'You _want_ to eat them, Nor?'

'Nei!'

'Good! Catch and release is important for this sorta stuff. We can't just take them all out and not put anything back! Besides, let 'em go, they might return the favour some day!' ...what favour? You kidnapped them and imprisoned them in a plastic box for hours. And what can _they_ do, anyway?

Not that it mattered. And actually, seeing them all fly off when we opened the boxes was quite the spectacle.

* * *

Our next task of Herculean proportions was getting a part-time job at the local supermarket. The supermarket was holding a sale, and wanted us to go advertise for them. In ridiculous mascot costumes. In scorching summer heat. When I'm used to the cold. Whose _crazy_ idea was this?

Mathias', of course. While we went out and suffocated, he just sat back and watched. Privileges, eh..?

We handed out balloons by the exit... and I could barely see a thing in this stupid frog costume. _Rage_. Then some irritating brat came and kicked me! The nerve! Why, oh _why_, could Mathias not have found something more suitable for summer for us to do?

After what seemed like hours, probably because it _was_ hours, we were finally permitted to get back inside and get these costumes off. Now I know how a chicken feels when it breaks out of the egg. Minus the slimy egg white, of course.

'Hej!' He-Who-Has-Remained-Cool came into the room where we were all slumped, hot, sweaty and exhausted, over a table. 'The manager's grateful for all the work you did today!'

'Ok, where's our payment, then?'

'In front of you!' Wha... the only thing in front of me is the top of Tino's head. And the costume he was wearing before- oh. Wait. Is that seriously it?

Yes. Yes it was.

Ok, pool. Festival. Bug-catching. Part-time job. Next on the list, stargazing. Finally, something I might be interested in! Back home we used to take trips up to Finnmark in the north of Norway around October-time-ish, and let me tell you, the views of the night sky there are _amazing_. Not to mention the Northern Lights._ Beautiful._

Of course, we're not in the Arctic Circle here. So no chance of seeing that.

Eirikur had managed to dig out an old telescope. Tino was fascinated by the strange contraption.

'Wow! That's what a telescope from this time plane looks like?' ...Mathias was elsewhere at this point, so it was safe for Tino to talk.

'Indeed,' Eirikur replied, while setting the telescope up. It kinda looked like an oil barrel. To me, anyway.

'It's not too different to the ones in Kepler's time... so did you buy this for tonight?'

'Nei... astronomy was a hobby of mine when I was younger.' Yeah, I can imagine Eirikur on a mountain somewhere in the north of Iceland, staring at the sky... hmm. We're really not that different. 'Oh, I found Mars. Here.'

Mathias heard, and quickly bounded over. How he had so much energy this late at night was beyond me, but it's Mathias and it must not be questioned.

Well, there it was. That little red blob in the sky.

'Hej, think they exist?'

'Think _what_ exists?'

'Martians, of course!'

'I hope not. At least not the way they're always portrayed in films.'

'Whatever. Get your head out of the movies, Nor.' My head is not in the movies! If my head's in a movie I demand payment. Oh, yeah. Introducing the latest film from the SOS Brigade, featuring Norge's head! Yeah, uh,_ no_. We're not a film production team until Mathias decides that's what he wants to do.

'Mm...'

'Ok, I'm bored of Mars. Let's look for UFOs!'

Mathias had control of the telescope for the rest of the night.

* * *

Our summer continued in much the same way. We spent a day trying to master handball, and failing miserably... with the exception of Mathias. Is there _nothing_ he's not immediately good at? So _annoying!_ After that we went to a proper firework display, which was much more impressive than our little makeshift display, but somehow lacked the charm.

We went fishing on another day, which ended up being our evening meal for that day. Tino managed to lose his fishing rod into the sea, but it's not like there weren't any replacements around. Yet another day was spent on the 'test of courage'. That basically involves wandering around a graveyard in the dark. We also went to see the standard over-hyped summer movie, which only Mathias and Berwald managed to sit through. And I don't think Berwald is even capable of sleep. Another day was spent on the beach. And guess what? There were still a few charred sticks from that Midsummer bonfire we'd made. You have to wonder if this beach_ ever _gets cleared.

Oh, and a metal concert. That was pretty awesome. Tino in particular enjoyed that one. The surprises some people hide, eh? Then bowling, karaoke, a bunch of other stuff...

Well, it was certainly the busiest summer I'd ever had. Some may have called it the best summer ever, but I'm not sure I'd go that far. I'm too tired to call it that.

We met back at the café with just one and a half days left before we returned to prison. School. School is what I meant. Of course.

'Ok! We've done everything on our list! Good work, everyone!' Mathias declared, before sitting back down. 'Hmm... did we do enough, though..? Maybe... nah. Anyone have any final requests?'

Uh... nope, nothing springs to mind. Besides, I have homework to do tomorrow. As expected, nobody had anything they wanted to do.

'Oh... ok then.' Mathias seemed... dejected all of a sudden. Don't tell me there's something_ else _he wants to do..? 'Day off tomorrow then. See ya at school on Monday.'

And with that, he left. The others soon followed... leaving me with five empty mugs of coffee that hadn't been payed for. _Dammit,_ everyone!

The last day of summer, like the rest of the holiday, was another glorious day. It was a shame that I had work to do... and after the hectic past two weeks, it was almost _too_ quiet. What has this club done to me? A year ago I would have welcomed the quiet!

Well, I tried. Honest. But I just couldn't concentrate on this homework...

Screw this. I officially declare this homework to be pointless and unhelpful, therefore I shall be French and go on strike. I kinda need to get back into a routine. Looks like I'll see everyone tomorrow.

That is... when 'tomorrow' actually gets here.

* * *

A/N: Apologies again for the late update. Bitchy website -.- This is one of the more boring bits... Oh, and I've gone through the story, tweaked a few bits, and actually put accents on the letters. Clever me.

A couple of years ago, I went to Iceland under the guise of a school Geology trip. I think I mentioned it once or twice before? Anyway, it was awesome until I got ill halfway through the week... That, and since we seemed to have brought good old British weather with us, we couldn't see the Northern Lights. Annoying? Yeah! [I also ended up getting married, but that's beside the point.] Pointless life-story interlude over~ Also, exactly how many names has Norge come up with for Mathias by now? I can't be bothered to count. [And spot the Pokémon reference!]

Next chapter... uh... stuff gets complicated. Stick with it, please...

Until next time, auf Wiedersehen~


	31. Endless Summer IV

Endless Summer IV - Let's Do the Time Loop Again

* * *

Something... was _wrong_. I could almost taste it. Just call it instinct or something.

I had absolutely no interest in the football game on the TV. But there was really nothing else to do, so my brother and I were sat watching it, him with a soda, me with a coffee. Then I got the odd feeling that a certain Dane was going to call...

_Beep._ He did.

That's _totally_ not creepy at all. Let's see, something like 'ok, grab your stuff, we're going out somewhere', maybe?

'Norge, your phone!' my brother said. Because nothing beats stating the obvious. Well, that phone won't answer itself...

'Hej, Nor! You're free, aren't you?' I barely had time to react before he continued. 'Good! Meet us at two o'clock in front of the station! And don't be late!'

He hung up. Then almost immediately rang again.

'I forgot to mention, bring your swimming stuff, and lots of money! Oh, and your bike, definitely! Ok, farvel!' Then he hung up for good.

That was just strange. It was as if I knew exactly what Mathias was going to say before he said it... actually, it's more like we'd had that same conversation before. Many, many times.

Worst case of déjà vu _ever_.

* * *

By the time I got to the station everyone was already there, although I half-expected that. Whether it was a continuation of the déjà vu, or just that I'm always the last one there... I dunno.

'Nor, you're late! Penalty!' As always. 'Oh well. We're all here now, so we can get going!'

'Get going where?'

'To the public pool, of course! Why else'd I ask ya to bring your swimming stuff? Ok, Berwald, take Eirikur's bike and carry Tino! Nor, I'm stealing your bike and you and Eirikur are riding on the back!'

'_Why_ must you steal my bike..?'

'Because I'm the leader!' That's no justification at all! 'Now come on! I want to get lots of summer things done over the break, and once the time's up, that's it!'

It's a good thing the pool's so close by. Otherwise I may have to strangle this _idiot_.

* * *

There is _nothing_ I hate more than a huge crowd of people in a relatively small space. Not that Mathias gave a damn.

'Ah, smell that chlorine! Makes it feel like summer, nej?' And with that, he jumped straight into the pool.

Canst thou not see the 'NO DIVING' signs? Using thy eyes may be occasionally useful!

Tino and Berwald joined Mathias in the pool, albeit rather unwillingly. I... passed. Too crowded. Apparently Eirikur did too.

'Good to see Mathias enjoying himself normally.'

'And exactly what part of phoning with no real warning and summoning me without telling me what's going on is normal?'

'The bit where he's distracted and so doesn't destroy the world?'

'If you insist.'

'I do... uh.' Eirikur stopped talking all of a sudden. That's weird. His sentences are usually flawless.

'What is it?'

'Nothing. I'm just paranoid.'

You too, huh..?

Eventually, Eirikur and I gave in and got in the water. After all the 'fun' Mathias put us through that morning, Tino's lunch was gladly welcomed, although I'm not sure what half of it was, and some of it looked horrible. But it's the taste that matters with food, nei? Mathias himself got distracted by a couple of kids when their beach ball bounced off his shoulder.

At least everything was peaceful, I suppose.

'Nor!' Mathias was running towards me, the two children following- there it is. That feeling again. I was sure of Mathias' exact words before he said it... 'Ok, you two, this is the rest of my brigade! Just ask them if ya need anything, ok?'

And something else was familiar, too. Berwald. Sat by himself, staring blankly at nothing in particular. He almost looked... _bored_. Was he having the same odd feelings?

Eh. Déjà vu happens, I guess.

* * *

And so, it was off to our usual café for a round of coffees - all on me, of course. It's a wonder I have any money left at all, I spend so much on this lot's drinks...

'Here!' Mathias slammed a piece of paper down in front of us. A list of some sort?

'What's this, then?'

'This is what we're doing for the rest of summer! There's not much time left, so we'll have to pick up the pace! We're going to be super busy!' Busy, yeah... exactly_ how_ much is on this stupid list?

'Can I see that?' Eirikur picked the piece of paper up, but it was only a few seconds before he put it back down again. 'Takk fyrir.'

Was there _any_ reason for that..?

'Ok! Anyone got anything else they want to do?'

'Um... goldfish scooping would be nice,' Tino mumbled.

'Goldfish scooping it is then!' Mathias scribbled it down onto the end of the list. 'They should have a stall like that at tomorrow's festival!'

Oh yeah. Mathias had decided on our behalf that we were going to this festival-thing tomorrow. As much warning as ever.

Everyone had finished their coffees, and nobody had anything more to say, so I paid, _again_, and we prepared to leave.

'That's it for today! Farvel!' Mathias walked off first, followed by Tino and Eirikur. Berwald turned to leave, but I called out to him.

'Uh, hei- Berwald?'

He stopped and looked back at me. The same slightly terrifying, almost-expressionless face as usual.

'Uh... it's nothing important, but is everything ok?'

''t is.' He'd barely moved his mouth.

'Good to hear.'

'Mm.' Berwald was answering with as few words as possible.

'Ok... that's all I wanted to know. You can go now, sorry.' Berwald obeyed and headed off home.

...That was weird. Why did I suddenly feel the need to ask Berwald if he was alright? Everything seems... much stranger than normal. Something's _definitely_ up.

Well, tomorrow came. I was rudely awoken by a phonecall from Mathias, ordering me to join everyone at the station. Apparently, we all needed something decent to wear, so we ended up getting colour-co-ordinated suits. Ok, black suits with colour-co-ordinated shirts. Close enough.

* * *

Festivals like this look much better in the dark. Everything's lit up and it looks quite pretty. It wasn't dark yet, though. In fact, it wouldn't be dark for another few hours yet. I'm sure it'd be lovely when it did, though.

As soon as we arrived, Mathias grabbed my wrist and pulled me away from the others. I guess Tino'll have to go goldfish-scooping with his 'husband' and Eirikur. I'm still not sure where Berwald got the whole 'wife' idea from, but it seems to fit the two of them well. At least until the theoretical point when our cute little Tino is magically transformed into the military badass that is Future-Tino.

But back to now. I was getting the same feelings as before, but I figured I may as well enjoy myself while I'm here. The 'King of Northern Europe' had dragged me over to a stall selling... churros? Yeah, churros and tomatoes mostly, although it looked like the stallholders themselves had been eating more tomatoes than they were selling. The guy in the next stall was selling pasta. _Loudly_.

One of the two churro-sellers noticed us, and his face lit up. He started poking the other seller, who had until that point been slumped over the counter, munching a tomato.

'Ooh, Lovi! Customers!' The other seller looked like he was there under sufferance. The look on his face said, quite clearly, 'stop shouting in my face, you bastard'. Why in those words? There were a few notes stuck to the back of the incredibly high-tech stall showing what they were selling... along with one in a different style of handwriting, pointing at the cheerful one with the word 'bastard' on it. I'm sure these two get along _very_ well.

Mathias quickly struck up a conversation with the cheerful one. Apparently his name was Antonio, he was from Spain, and the other seller was 'his' Lovino from Italy. Well, whoever he was, this Antonio was completely oblivious to the death glares he was getting from his partner. Kinda reminds me of Mathias, actually.

This conversation continued for a while. I glanced over at Lovino. His expression could only be described as empathetic. Yeah, I feel your pain. Looks like we both know what it's like to be stuck with an _idiot_ like these two.

Lovino grabbed another tomato.

'...and this here's Norge!' Mathias gestured in my general direction.

'Oh, really?' That idiot smile hadn't left Antonio's face.

'Ja! Actually, of my brigade, Nor's my favourite!' ...Since _when?_ That's news to me!

'Hehe, I can see why!'

...I'm standing right here, you know.

'I know, right? I mean, he's a grumpy bitch sometimes, but-'

that's it. We're going.

I took hold of his tie and pulled him away from the stall. See, he _really_ shouldn't have taught me that one.

Annoying idiot.

Mathias and I met up with the rest of the brigade. Mathias had bought some Danish pastries for us all to share. I got the first one, though... maybe he meant it. Berwald seemed to have bought a Moomin mask which was now fastened to the side of his head. Tino hadn't managed to catch any goldfish, but Eirikur had, so he'd kindly let Tino keep it.

Seems like Mathias _never_ gets tired, as he'd come up with the brilliant idea of ending the day with our own makeshift firework display. Sigh... nobody but him had much energy at all.

As the sparklers burned with their pretty little sparks, I remembered something I really couldn't be bothered to think about... but I asked anyway.

'Hei, Mathias? Have you even finished your homework yet?' Like _I'm_ one to talk. I haven't touched the stuff.

'Silly Nor, of course I have! Can't enjoy yourself properly with the black cloud of work looming over you!' Argh, why does he have to be so... _sensible?_ And I never thought I'd be describing him like that... 'So anyway, tomorrow we're going bug-catching! Winner... hmm... gets to be brigade leader for a day!'

I'm just not going to question it.

A glorious day for bug-catching, of course. Can't have miserable weather spoiling the SOS Brigade's fun.

Ok, the prize is to be brigade leader for the day, so who better to win than our brigade leader himself? Annoying...

The next day Mathias got us all part-time jobs handing out balloons in ridiculous costumes in sticky-hot weather. What a genius. And all the thanks we got was to keep the stupid outfits.

* * *

After a day like that, all I wanted to do was sleep... but of course, can't let me have what I want, can we? I was disturbed by a phonecall. It was nearly midnight. _Who_ phones at this hour?

'...hei..?' I mumbled into the phone.

'Noooorge!' _Wah!_ Wasn't expecting that!

'Tino! That you? What is it?'

'Hallo. It's Eirikur. Sorry to disappoint.' What on _earth_ is Eirikur doing with a crying Tino at _this_ time of night? 'We have a problem, you might say. Meet us at the station as soon as you can.'

No time to waste. I grabbed my bike and pedalled down there as quickly as I could.

I arrived to find Tino sobbing into Berwald's chest, with Eirikur standing over them.

'Tino! What happened?' I shouted as I ran towards them.

'I-I-I can't go back to the future!'

Wait. Tino... future? Wha?

Trying to make out his explanation was difficult, to say the least.

'B-because I had to_ classified_, I used _classified_ to get in touch with the future... I-I hadn't got any _classified_ for about a week! I... I thought how weird that was, so I _classified_, I really did! B-but it was _classified_ and now I dunno what to do!' Tino was crying into Berwald through the entire thing. I wonder... would 'classified' be something he just can't tell us? Of course it would, or it wouldn't be classified.

Eirikur gave me one of those incredibly serious looks.

'I'll explain it so you can understand.' _Hey!_ That's cruel. 'We've entered an endless recursion of time.'

'Eh?'

'Two weeks, beginning from three days ago. Anything beyond that point simply doesn't exist. Tino can't go back to the future, because there _is_ no future.'

'Ok, let me guess, it's all Mathias' fault?' Wouldn't that be just _great_..?

'Indeed.'_ Dammit_. 'He doesn't have a clue it's happening, but he wants the summer holiday to last forever.'

'You mean there's something else he wants to do, or something?'

'There's probably _something_ he feels is missing.'

Oh, Mathias... Why do you always drag us into these situations..?

'Well, I guess at least now we know why we've all been getting déjà vu.' Smart as ever, Eirikur. 'We feel like we've seen it before because we have. Over and over again.'

'Would anyone else be noticing anything like that?'

'Nei, it just seems to be the ones closest to Mathias... the eye of the storm, if you will.' Ugh, now _he's_ using the storm analogy. 'Of course, there is one person who isn't getting these feelings. Rather, they remember the whole thing. Take a guess.'

Remembering everything, huh..? There's only one 'person' advanced enough to outsmart a time loop... one Berwald Oxenstierna.

'Berwald? You remember everything?'

'...mm.'

'How many times have we gone through this, then?' I almost don't _want_ to know...

'...15,532 times so far.'

_That_ many? Berwald remembers all _that_? _Faen!_

'We've done the same things _that_ many times?'

'Not 'xactly. The fest'val was omitted twice. Goldfish scooping was omitted 437 times. We 'btained part-time jobs 9,056 times, with six variations 'ncluding handing out balloons, working as movers, cashiers-'

'_Stop_!' I halted Berwald. His capacity for information never ceases to amaze me. 'I get it... Can't you do anything about it?'

'...my task is t'observe. Nothing more.'

We departed, mostly to let it all sink in. 15,532 times? Multiply by two weeks, and that's... _faen._ A little over 597 years. Berwald had been watching us for 597 years doing the same things over and over... any normal person would have gone insane. Berwald keeps it all under that mask, though... who knows what he's thinking?

This is just insane, even for us.

* * *

A/N: No, I'm not actually married. It's kinda... a joke from Iceland that just stuck. See, I'd bashed the back of my head on a rock while climbing through a crevasse, so one of my friends helped me out. Then one of the teachers jokingly pronounced us 'man and wife'. We ran with it xD [I'm 17, by the way.] The Pokémon reference was in the last chapter's title - the chapter involved bug catching. This reminded me of the bug-catching contest in GSC, which is in National Park, which has a sign saying 'Battles only in the tall grass, please!' or something along those lines.

Anyway, poor Berwald. This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful friend who helped me with the Spain and Romano stall section~ [Hmm, I wonder what her OTP is? *shot'd*] I threw that in because otherwise it'd just be a repeat of parts I and II, which is boring. Also, anyone else following the April Fool's Kitayume event? Sweden and Finland have appeared in one picture, and so has Denmark's head!

Next chapter, much stuff happens. Again. And again.

Until next time, farvel~


	32. Endless Summer V

Endless Summer V - Tripping Over Your Own Feet

* * *

The next day saw us heading up onto the roof of Berwald's apartment for some stargazing. It's kinda hard to believe that we've done this over 15,000 times now... It seems that once it reaches the end of the two-week period, the whole universe resets, and does not collect 200 of any unit of currency for passing GO.

At first, Mathias took charge, but even his energy has to run out eventually... Soon, he was lying against the wall, mouth wide open, Tino on one shoulder, Puffin on the other shoulder, all snoring loudly. Ja, even the puffin.

It was kinda cute, actually. Of course, since Berwald's hardly the most talkative person in the world, and was currently playing with the telescope, that left me with Eirikur. _Again_.

'Argh. I wish I knew what this_ idiot_ wants to do with the rest of summer...'

'So would I. If we knew, we wouldn't be in this mess.'

Eirikur seems to have a tendency to state the obvious.

'Hmm...' I stared up at the sky. It was much prettier back home, but considering we're in a city, it wasn't too bad.

'...hei, here's an idea.'

'Go on.'

'What if someone were to grab Mathias and whisper 'I love you' into his ear?'

_Pfft_. That's never going to work.

'Oh yeah? Who's going to be doing that, then?'

'You, of course. Who else?'

'Why me?'

'Because it's blindingly obvious, that's why.'

Lies. Damned_ lies_. 'Do explain.'

'I've been watching you for the last week or so.' _Creep_. 'And it's quite clear where you've been looking most. Him.'

'Wha?' I hadn't noticed a thing. Where's he getting these ideas from?

'You. Were. Looking. At. Mathias,' he spelled out, labouring every word like he was trying to explain to a three-year-old with a terrible grasp of the English language.

'So what if I was?'

'...in a sexual way.'

'_What was that?_' Did he just say what I _thought_ he said?

'Absolutely nothing, Captain Oblivious.' _Damn_, Eirikur pisses me off sometimes. Why the _heck_ is he so convinced that's the way things are? They're _not!_ And I can't say I much care for his indifferent tone of voice, either...

'No way in hell am I doing that.'

Eirikur sighed. 'Then what if_ I_ do it?'

...you? I gave no verbal response, but clearly my expression said everything.

'Yeah, thought so. I'm a terrible actor. It'd just confuse him, anyway.'

That it would. It'd probably confuse him coming from me, too. I looked over at Berwald, who'd finished with the telescope and draped his jacket over Tino's shoulders. What a touching gesture from husband to wife.

'...Hmph.'

* * *

The rest of the holiday was filled with summer-y things to do. Handball, proper fireworks, fishing, metal concert, 'test of courage', film, beach... it would have been very enjoyable if I hadn't known that for some ridiculous reason, it wasn't enough for that Danish moron. I mean, we were busy the entire time. What _else_ did he want?

Before I knew it, it was two days before we were due to return to school. After a particularly chaotic bowling trip, we'd completed everything on our list. Well, Mathias' list. So we gathered back at our usual café.

Mathias crossed the last activity off the list. 'Looks like that's everything! We had an awesome time, didn't we? I wonder if we did enough, though... oh well! We did a lot, nej? Unless... there's anything else you want to do?'

This is my chance. Say something! _Anything!_

...nope. I can't think of a damned thing. And since everyone else was sent specifically to 'observe', they're not going to do anything. So we're stuck doing this _again?_

Silence.

'Hmm... ok, then. We did everything we wanted to, so I suppose that's enough!' _Liar!_ You still want to do something! But _what?_ Give me a freaking _clue!_ 'That's it, then! I set tomorrow aside just in case, but I guess you can take the day off! See ya on Monday.'

Mathias left the list folded up on the table in front of me, then picked up his stuff and headed for the café exit. _Faen!_ If he leaves now we'll have to do this all again!

'Ah- Wait! Mathias!' I called after him... and there was that feeling again, more intense than ever! Now I _know_ we've done this 15,000 times! I can't let this Danish idiot leave now, but what the _hell_ do I do? Mathias must have said _something_ I can use! Think, you Norwegian dumbass, _think!_ If I don't do something now he'll go home and the loop continues!

Wait. There's something I need to do, but I've been putting it off! There's no more time to think about it. That's my best shot!

'Wait a second, you bastard! I haven't finished my list yet!'

...

Mathias paused in the doorway. Walked back one step. Swivelled on first foot. Looked surprised.

'_Huh?_'

The café doors slid shut. And this time, Mathias was on the right side of them.

'Homework, dammit! Homework!'

'The hell are you on about, Nor?'

'None of my homework is finished! _My_ summer isn't over until it's done!' I turned to face the rest of the Brigade still sat at the coffee table. 'Eirikur! Is your homework done?'

'Oh? Um, I don't think so.'

'Then we'll do it together! You too, Tino and Berwald!'

And so returned Tino's adorable shocked face. 'Wh-where are we going?'

'My place! Bring all your stuff and we can finish summer for good! We're going to start tomorrow, and keep going until we're finished!'

Another awkward silence.

Then Mathias reacted.

Loudly.

'..._Bahaha_hahaha! Nor, you're so funny when you're serious!' He doubled over in fits of laughter. Was it really that amusing? I'm trying to save the universe here! Still, he recovered fairly quickly. 'But I'm in charge!'

'Yes, and a wonderful job you're doing too!' Dammit, just let me finish!

'Tak! But acting without asking first is against the rules! And aren't you forgetting someone?' Mathias had been walking straight towards me from the exit, and now I was stuck up against the wall with him in my face. 'I want to come over too!'

Does that mean it worked? Have to wait and see, I guess...

Our final day of summer. To be honest, I couldn't really be bothered with homework, but if it gets us out of this stupid cycle, then I'll just have to deal with it. Mathias and the rest of the brigade showed up mid-morning. It was a ridiculously warm day, so that made concentration a bit difficult.

Everyone ended up in my room all day. Mathias was playing videogames with my brother, since he'd already finished. Berwald was sat on the bed reading. Like he _ever_ does anything else. Eirikur spent most of the time helping Tino with his work, leaving me to slug away at my own. Still, with everyone around you, you look like a lazy fool if it isn't done by the end of the day, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy everyone's company for another day.

I went to sleep that evening still wondering if I'd make it to the next day...

But when I woke up to find empty crisp packets, game controllers and pieces of paper strewn all over my floor, I think I was pretty certain that it had worked. Remember, kids, if you're stuck in a time loop, do your homework. I know it's boring, but it might just work.

* * *

Ah, Brigade clubroom, how I have missed you...

I ended up staying a lot longer than I needed to after school. I got a bit engrossed in playing poker with Eirikur, and we spent a lot of time talking about our chaotic summer.

'Actually, Norge, that was a clever idea,' Eirikur mused, while shuffling the deck.

'It was?'

'Yep. Mathias doesn't see homework as a problem, so he doesn't realise it's a pain for others. He'd never think of gathering like that.'

It was way past the end of school, so everyone else had left. What was weird... was that Berwald didn't show up at all. 597 years of the same thing over and over must be pretty exhausting, even for a super-advanced alien lifeform like him... although you'd never tell by looking at him.

So now, thanks to homework, we have a future. What a convoluted way to get someone to do something. I'm looking at you, universe.

I certainly can't remember anything specific of the other two-week periods. Maybe all those feelings of déjà vu were memories sent by previous versions of us? Hmm... it's a theory.

And the game of poker? If I get to relive today, I'm going to make _damned_ sure I bring some money.

Ace through to 10. I completely thrashed Eirikur.

Jackpot.

* * *

A/N: Finally, the endless summer has come to an end! Damn, this was boring.

There is absolutely no reason for that title. I couldn't imagine Den acting as Haruhi did in that scene, so I messed around with it. It's fun. Know what else is fun? Writing Eirikur! Sometimes we hear these really out-of-context lines, mostly on the bus, and we end up noting them down and using them in fics... [Also, déjà vu is indeed really annoying.]

Next chapter, it's time for more sport. Woo. [It's a story from the manga.]

Until next time, adieu~


	33. Get In The Ring

Get In The Ring - Overenthusiasm

* * *

Ah, school. It's the sort of thing you like best when you've just come back to it. After a while, though, the honeymoon effect wears a little thin and you just want to go away again...

Well, said effect had definitely gone. Having said that, while school itself was a drag, I still found myself awaiting my daily trips to the SOS Brigade clubroom. It's almost like it's some kind of magnet, pulling me back.

We'd settled back into a routine. Mathias would greet me with one of his trademark idiotic grins, I'd sit myself down at the table and play games agains Eirikur for hours. Berwald did almost nothing but read... Tino was our maid- I mean, unfortunate crossdressing butler person. Whatever. He served us our regular coffees. What would you call someone like that, anyway?

It was a few weeks before Mathias slipped back into his old subconscious mischief. Rather, it was the Athletics Festival. This school takes both athletics and festivals ridiculously seriously. I mean, almost straight after this one's finished, we've got the Arts Festival, and I dread to think what Mathias will come up with for that. Because he will _definitely_ think of something, of that I'm sure.

So, listen closely, because it gets a little confusing...

The Athletics Festival consists of a number of events. There are two teams of students: there's the red team, featuring both Mathias and yours truly, and the blue team, which has the rest of the Brigade. Amongst other people, of course. It's a whole-school festival thing. Why are these things _always_ red and blue? You see it everywhere - if something needs two colours, they're almost always red and blue...

Tino seemed to have been picked for the blue team's cheerleading squad... which Gilbert, who'd ended up on Tino's team, found rather amusing. He finds many things amusing, though.

As of this moment in time... we, the red team, were losing rather badly. We had 182 points to the blue team's 294. Mathias was less than pleased.

'Hey, Norge! Like, over here!' The red team was quite the assortment of irritating people. After all, we had Feliks too. So now, not only did I have to put up with Mathias and his antics, I had Feliks, like, totally making stupid comments or something. 'We're totally toasting our defeat! There's, like, no way we're going to win now, so we may as well celebrate!'

I could practically feel Mathias' rage boring into the back of my head. Oh dear... He stormed over to where Feliks and the rest of the team were sat. I fear for the Polish fool's life.

'Hej! You're not allowed to give up yet! We haven't finished!' he shouted, straight into poor Feliks' face. Not like Feliks was bothered, though.

'Like, calm down. No need to get so totally worked up over a stupid festival, is there?'

Feliks, you win this week's Idiot Award. Seriously. Be _very_ careful what you say to Mathias.

Mathias was about to yell something back at Feliks, when we were interrupted by the cheering crowds. Berwald had extended the blue team's lead by powering through the 400m. I suppose being a Humanoid Intermawotsit has its advantages, even for something as trivial as sport.

'Heh, there's, like, no chance in hell now,' Feliks stated.

'Oh, will you just shut _up_, seriously...' I replied, even though he wasn't talking to me specifically-

As soon as those words were out of my mouth... something felt incredibly strange all of a sudden. I dunno how to explain it... it was like the world had been inverted.

'Hej! It's too early to relax! We've got to make sure the blue team win!' That was Mathias. And what he'd just said made no sense whatsoever. We were on the losing red team... weren't we?

'We're totally safe with this big a lead!' Lead? What the heck was everyone on about-

'Blue team! Go!'

...well, what do you know. The world _had_ been inverted. Or at least, our festival had.

* * *

I met up with Eirikur and Berwald as soon as I could. They usually know what's going on and what to do.

'HEY! Over here, ya punk!' I was greeted by none other than Eirikur's shoulder-puffin. I swear that thing is actually growing on him. Like a parasite. A _noisy_ parasite.

'Ah, Norge. Good thing we assembled so quickly.' Eirikur, in contrast, was as calm as usual. 'You noticed, then.'

'Of course I noticed. How could I not notice suddenly switching teams?'

'Well, nobody else does.'

So it was like summer? Only those closest to Mathias felt anything unusual. I guess that means we all know whose fault it is... _ugh_, he's such a nightmare.

'Then Mathias' team has to win, like the baseball game?'

'Nei. It's a bit more complex this time... the closed space distribution is different.' Eirikur was talking technobabble again._ Wonderful_. 'In the baseball game, Mathias' frustration depended on the score. This time, it's been increasing over time.'

'Which means..?'

'Which means we're in trouble.' _Great_. After many events like this, I think I can safely say that trouble involving Mathias is not good in the slightest. 'Norge? What is sport to you?'

'Boring.'

'I don't mean like that. Define sport, please.'

'That's a stupid idea. I know what sport is.'

'Then explain.'

For the love of crud, _why?_ 'Sport is where two teams compete in physical activity to try and win.'

'Like a war?' Eirikur's gaze returned to the fields. Apparently the blue team, which was us now... this is so_ confusing_... uh, the blue team had just won another event.

'Interesting analogy. What does that have to do with anything?'

Berwald spoke up for the first time. ''s a proxy war. Humans appear t'hate conflict, but 'n reality they seek it. Th'game must be directed towards 'ts original purpose.'

...and he's speaking a foreign language again. Why is it whenever Berwald says anything, it's always so _complicated?_

Eirikur sighed. 'Essentially, Mathias wants a spectacle. So the losing team, which would be us now, has to come up and overthrow the leaders somehow.'

...I kinda get it. It's no fun to watch if you know the result in the first five minutes, I guess.

* * *

We returned to the crowd. After all, it was Berwald who was our best weapon in this situation. Anyone need a conflict solving? Just throw an alien in there, that'll sort it out. Don't have an alien? You're kinda stuffed. Shame.

Sure enough, the red team was now leading by eighteen points.

Guess who was most displeased?

'_Wha?_ How could this_ happen?_' Mathias, of course.

Well, he seems pretty angry about it... but if there's one thing I've learnt, it's that Mathias makes no sense whatsoever.

I kept contact with Eirikur for status reports throughout the event. Since he senses closed space and all.

'Hei... wouldn't it be better if Mathias' team won?' I asked him.

'We don't know. Best to keep it close.'

I suppose that makes sense. Need to make this event interesting...

Of course, our task would be a _little_ easier if the rest of our team weren't so damned_ lazy_.

'This contest isn't over yet!' Mathias refused to let this thing drop.

'Hey, everyone's totally exhausted. Give it up.' Feliks' stupidity knows no bounds...

'No. _Way_.' There was a certain tone of menace in Mathias' voice, which was slightly worrying... 'I don't want to hear whining! Giving up now is the worst thing you can do! No abandoning ship!'

The rest of what was now the blue team was silent. Whether they found Mathias' speech motivational or just plain laughable... Well, this is a perfect example of why he's so isolated in class. He just spends all that time bothering _me_ instead.

'Red vs. blue relay. Repeat. Red vs. blue relay. Runners to their positions.' The tannoy cut through the silence. Looks like it was my turn. What _fun_.

Right now, I just need to figure out what's going on in the great empty Danish cavern- I mean, Mathias' head.

I took my position on the racetrack. I was the last runner for our team, so I guess it was all up to me._ Ugh_. Ok, Mathias isn't focused on winning, that much is clear. Otherwise the teams would have been switched again. So what's he after?

The previous runners didn't give me much of a boost, and once they'd handed the baton to me, the red team quickly overtook me. And the lazy crowd weren't even cheering me on. Come _on!_ Any help would be nice!

Then I remembered what Mathias had said. No whining. Giving up is bad.

Come on. I can do this.

I drew energy from a reserve I didn't even know I had, and with one last push... I crossed the finish line. Ahead of the red team.

'Blue team wins!'

Mathias was at the finish line, greeting me with one of his grins.

'Nice going, Nor. We can make a comeback now!'

'Mathias...' The way things are going, I don't think it matters if we win or not, but... 'Let's win.' It's only natural to want to win, nei?

'Heh. But of course!' Mathias threw one arm around my neck, while punching the air with the other. 'We're walking away victorious!'

...He could have done that in a less annoying way.

* * *

Time for the final event. What the commentators had dubbed the 'piggyback royale'... essentially it's a game of tag while riding on someone's back. Sort of. Steal as many of the opposing team's headbands as possible. Two groups on each team. Once your headband's stolen, you're out. First team to steal all the opponents' headbands wins.

I ended up on Mathias' back. _Typical._

It looked like Tino was one of the opposing riders. The other was... Berwald? How is _anyone_ capable of carrying him? Maybe aliens are much lighter than normal people...

'Begin now- _whoa!_' Apparently fast movements are startling to commentators. Berwald had almost immediately taken out our other group.

'Hehe... Berwald wants a fight, does he?' I couldn't see Mathias' face, but I'm sure he was grinning wildly. Like the Cheshire Cat. As long as he doesn't vanish while carrying me, it'll be fine.

Mathias charged straight towards Berwald's group. Then I noticed where their other group was.

'Mathias! This way!' I tried to steer him away... luckily he wasn't being as stubborn as usual and actually followed.

'Nice job, Nor! We're out of their trap!'

I was going to make _damned_ sure we won this one. After all, we wouldn't want a repeat of the summer's 'endless recursion of time'. Because this is tiring enough...

'You can totally do it!' Huh? Feliks was cheering us on from the side, along with the rest of the team. Maybe that'll give Mathias the boost he needs to win!

'Hehe, goes without saying!' He'd certainly sped up. Looks like his talk earlier had actually proven motivational. Now we have to aim for the goal... the goal of 'walking away victorious', as he'd put it.

We had to take down at least one of the opposing teams, so Mathias headed straight for Berwald since he was closest. As we approached, I stretched out my hand to grab Berwald's headband-

then felt my own being snatched from my head. Tino, you sneaky _bastard!_ Now we don't have a chance in hell! That was Mathias and myself out... which meant we'd lost. _Faen!_ Universe exploding in three... two...

'Not bad, Berwald, Tino!' ...one? 'Beat us pretty good there!'

That's... unexpected. Mathias didn't seem upset at all. Not that I'm complaining.

* * *

Everyone had gathered at the podium, where the winners got prizes or something. It was all pretty boring stuff.

I heard footsteps behind me... which belonged to Eirikur. Am I _really_ that easy to find?

'Quite impressive, Norge.'

'Yeah, I know. And the closed space?'

'Looks like Mathias got what he wanted. No sign of any closed space anywhere.' He sighed that irritating sigh of his. Does he have to do that? Seriously? 'Like Berwald says, it's a mock war. It must have been the experience of battle he was after.'

'Yeah..?' Here comes another overly long explanation...

'School is essentially a less lethal form of war.' Well, you got _that_ one right... 'Look at history. It's filled with meaningless bloodshed... which may be the result of desire, rather than error. Loss of life is usually only mentioned afterwards... but all that means nothing to Mathias at the moment.'

'You're making no sense at all.' What does bloodshed have to do with a school Athletics Festival? Unless someone gets a little too enthusiastic with the javelin...

'...Sorry. Didn't mean to rant. But the point still stands... the closed space began to contract when battle was engaged.'

'In that case, why were the teams switched at all? Wouldn't Mathias just have wanted us to keep trying our best?'

'Of course, but what better way for us to stage a comeback than with Berwald? One-sided games are boring.'

...Eh? Eirikur's reasoning never fails to leave me a puddle of confused goo.

I watched as the rest of our team gathered around Mathias. He seemed surprised by all the attention... I guess he's just not used to it.

In any case... it'd be nice if Mathias actually gave us some recognition occasionally.

* * *

A/N: This chapter fills me with indifference. It's a chapter from the manga, so it was a lot more difficult than usual, so I apologise for the crappyness T_T

Originally the teams were red and white, but it feels more... right to have them as red and blue. [Long chapter, but only because the story's really too short to split into two. Sorry!]

Next chapter, the Arts Festival begins! What horrors has Mathias got in store..?

Until next time, à bientôt~


	34. Sigh I

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler I – In Which An Idea Is Thought Up

* * *

The utter weirdness of the Athletics Festival was finally over. At long last, we can relax- wait, no we can't. Now we've got the Arts Festival. What _is_ it with all the festivals, seriously?

Well, the whole school was preparing for it. Everyone from the Computer Research Society people to the school's band. Ought to go see them some time. Apparently they're pretty good.

When I say the whole school, I mean the _whole_ school. Every class had to contribute something. And Mathias' and my class? We were doing... a survey. How _dull._ I suppose since Ivan Braginsky left, the class didn't have anyone in charge, and nobody was willing to take that role, so it stayed empty.

Everyone was so busy sorting stuff out that they didn't notice me leaving. I would have stayed to sit it out, but Mathias was bored... and that's _never_ a good idea.

So, with a disinterest bordering on apathy, we started making our way over to the clubroom. Where else?

'I can't believe our class is doing something so_ boring!_ Why'd they have to go with the _least_ interesting idea?' Yeah, Mathias was less than impressed.

'Then why didn't you say anything?' I mean, most of the class looked half-asleep, and the teacher had an expression like someone had died. Perfect opportunity to say something? Not to this nonsensical Dane.

'I wasn't going to take part in what the class was doing anyway.' ...I figured. 'But this is the Arts Festival! It's the most important event of the year!'

'...Is it? Since when?'

'Since when I say so! And we're going to make something so awesome, it'll blow everyone's minds!'

The look on Mathias' face... his usual grin had passed _way_ beyond stupid. It was more like... he'd got an idea. The sort of idea that gets _all_ of us into a lot of trouble. Either that, or it was the expression some crazed general has before rushing into war. Time to run for the hills...

'Hej! Are you even listening? Act more excited!'

'_Hooray_.' Maybe if I keep my voice as monotonous as possible, he'll stop bothering me quite so much. Probably not, though.

'That's better!' ...easily satisfied, I guess. _Curses._ My plan didn't work. 'Now come _on!_ All the festivals we had at my old school were lame, so I want this to be as exciting as possible!'

'How are you going to do that?'

'I'll tell you once we get to the clubroom!'

And that means it's something so horrifying that the corridors can't possibly take it.

* * *

Tino was already in the clubroom when we arrived. So either he'd escaped early too, or the upper years didn't need him quite yet. Whatever it was, he'd clearly been here a while, since he had already changed into that dress. Why does he still wear that thing?

Other than the slight possibility of Mathias eating him. Well, not literally eating him, just... being rather displeased in his own way.

'Ah- Moi! I'll make coffees, ok?' Oh, Tino rushing around like that is _so_ cute. Berwald was sat at the table, not in his usual window chair... but he was still reading, of course. He must have finished at least seventy-three books since we first created this club. Why seventy-three? ...No reason. It's an unusual number.

'Ok! Where's Eirikur?' Mathias asked.

'U-uh, running late, I think.'

'Eh, we'll just have to wait then. Hej, Nor?'

'What?'

'Know where we can get a witch outfit?' ...What's he going to be using _that_ for?

'Why are you asking me?'

'You're supposed to know these things!'

'No, I _don't_ know. Many apologies.'

'Aww... Tino! Hurry up with the coffee!'

'A-ah, sorry!' Tino placed Mathias' mug on the table next to the computer.

'Hmm...' Mathias was clearly considering something, although I dread to think what it was. Nothing that comes out of his head is ever good.

Tino brought me a coffee over. Ah, black gold...

'Sorry I'm late.' Eirikur, puffin firmly attached to the top of his head, had finally shown his pale face. About time! I'm getting bored myself, never mind Mathias. 'Hope I didn't hold the meeting back for too long.'

'...meeting?' Why do I not remember anything being said about a meeting?

'Oh yeah! I forgot to mention, Nor! Haha! I told everyone else at lunch, but I figured I'd tell you whenever.'

'Mathias, I sit _in front_ of you. Telling me would be easy.'

'Ya still came along, didn't ya? It's not _when_ you find out about it, it's _what_ you're gonna do about it!'

...Was that supposed to be deep? Miserable failure. About as deep as a puddle on a summer's day. Meaning not at all. Unless it's one of those summers where it rains all the time, because those can happen...

Ahem. Rambling. Sorry.

'Ok!' Mathias stood up, taking charge. 'Everyone's going to participate! This is an SOS Brigade event!'

'_What_ is?'

'Noo_oor_! We were _just_ talking about it! The Arts Festival, of course!'

Oh. _That_. See the warning signs.

'If you wanted to do something for that, you should have signed up to be on the staff.' They could probably use the help...

'That's _boring!_ We've got to do something to SOS Brigade standards!' By which you mean it's either totally insane, there's a possibility of screwing the world over, or both. Most likely both. 'I worked hard to make this club the most awesome thing ever! Everyone knows of us!'

Ugh. Easy for _him_ to say. Usually it's Tino and me that take the brunt of it. Eirikur just sits there indifferent, and Berwald never pays attention during the bit where Mathias comes up with his crazy schemes.

'Hmm... Hej, Tino! What's your class doing?'

'Uh, we're doing a café.'

'Haha, bet you're one of the waiters!'

'Joo, how did you guess?' ...he said, sitting there in a maid dress. I doubt his class are cruel enough to make him wear _that_, though... however much it may suit him.

'Hehe... What about you, Eirikur?'

'We're putting on a play of some description, although we haven't decided whether we're doing a classic or something modern.' I'm sure it's scintillating... pfft, _no_. Sounds dull.

'And you, Berwald?'

'Fortune-telling.' Short, sweet, and to the point. Yep, that's Berwald. Wait... fortune-telling... or_ future_-telling? Knowing Berwald, probably the latter...

'Then here's a great idea,' I suggested. 'Combine them all and do a survey-café-fortune-telling-play thing.'

'That's a stupid idea. You're a dork.'

Well, forgive me for trying to avoid being dragged by my elbows into something I really don't want to do!

* * *

'Right, then!' Mathias left his table and moved behind me to pull out the whiteboard which he'd filched from some random classroom. 'Tino, you're the secretary now. Write everything down, ok?'

'Uh, ok.' Mathias gestured to the whiteboard, so Tino got up out of his seat and approached the board to write stuff down. Not that there was anything to write down yet.

'Ok!' Here it comes... 'We're going to show a movie at this year's festival!'

A... _movie?_ Well, Mathias wouldn't show one that already existed... oh, _crud._ He's going to _make_ one?

And how the _hell_ was this a meeting, anyway? He's clearly already decided on everything, so what's the point in asking?

'Ya know... something's been bothering me.' _You're_ bothering _me_. Have been for the last few months. Don't see me complaining. 'How come on TV shows someone always dies in the last episode? That always feels fake to me. It's too convenient! I'd never make a movie like that!'

And so, the idea of drama flies fifty-four feet above Mathias' head.

Tino noted that down.

'When did we become the Movie Club?' I asked. It's a very important question.

'Wha? We're still the SOS Brigade! That's what's going in the credits!'

'So the plan is to make a film and show it at the Arts Festival?' That was Eirikur, stating the obvious.

'Yep!' _Ugh._ That grin again. Mathias is _way_ too serious about everything...

'Why are we making a movie..?' Tino asked. A valid question, since, knowing Mathias, he'd be the victim...

'Well, last night I couldn't sleep, so I turned on the TV and this really crappy movie was on! So I thought, _I_ could do better than that... so I decided I would!'

'If you want to be a director, that's fine. But some of us have other things to do.'

'Huh?'

'Mathias, I do _love_ how this has all been decided for us, but-'

'Haha, I knew you would! We're going to make the best movie _ever!_'

As I thought. He gives approximately two-thirteenths of a crap. He also fails to understand sarcasm. _Ah_...

'I'm almost done with the script! Just follow me like always and it'll be fine! Don't worry!'

I'm worrying.

'Just leave it to me! I'm planning the whole thing!'

I'm _really_ worrying.

'Our goal is to be the number one event at the festival!'

No chance in _hell_.

'Maybe then those bastards on the Student Council will actually recognise us as a club! We're going to _make_ them!'

'Where's the money coming from for all this?'

'We've got the Literary Club's old budget, haven't we?'

'That's _their_ money. You can't just take it.'

'Hmm... Hej, Berwald? Can I use your money?'

It took a while for Berwald to respond. Probably finishing the page he was on.

'...mm.' Ah, that mumble of approval. How I have missed it.

Actually, no. Now was the_ last_ time I wanted to hear it...

'Ok, everyone!' Mathias' voice was loud as ever. According to Eirikur, this room's now an alternate dimension or some such rubbish... which would be why the walls haven't _crumbled_ from all Mathias' shouting. 'Whatever your class is doing, this is more important! Anyone disagrees, we can talk about it after the festival! Director's orders!'

...right. First he's the Brigade leader. Then he was some super detective. _Now_ he wants to be director. What's he going to want to be next?

_Please_ don't say God... and Eirikur, shut your face. Don't give him ideas. No matter what your Agency thinks.

Mathias gathered his stuff. 'Ok, that's it for today! I'm in charge, so I've got a lot to think about!' Having picked all his crap up, he opened the door, but didn't go through quite yet. 'We'll go over the details tomorrow. Farvel!'

Then he left, leaving the door wide open.

Head, meet desk. Become good friends.

'Interesting idea, nei?' ...Anything interesting by Eirikur's standards is usually bad news for me. 'Better making a film than catching some space-monster or shooting down a UFO. Besides, I'd like to see what kind of film Mathias is going to make.'

Speak for yourself. I'm terrified.

Berwald closed his book with a snap, stood up and left through the still-open door. Not closing it behind him. It was letting in a rather annoying draught.

Making a movie, huh... if it were anyone else in charge, I'd be quite interested, but no, we're stuck with _him._ And as I've learnt, pretty much _everything_ involving him results in disaster.

I suppose at the very least I should be more psyched about it. It's not like anyone's expecting much.

Anyone except Mathias, at least.

* * *

A/N: Holidays! I can actually update more frequently! In theory. I should probably get some revision done too...

I'm going to have a_ lot_ of fun with this, I can tell. I'm messing around with everyone's roles, so it won't be a carbon copy of the actual thing. Hehehe.

Next chapter, Norge and Tino are put into slavery... sort of.

Until next time, moi moi~


	35. Sigh II

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler II - In Which Stuff Is Got For Free

* * *

Ok, I take it all back. There was no reason to be psyched at all. As I entered the clubroom the next day, I noticed exactly _what_ Mathias had scrawled all over the whiteboard... and it made less sense than a PhD paper. I could already feel a bitter taste in my mouth...

'SOS Brigade Movie'

'Ultra Director: Mathias Køhler!' Of course. By the way, excessive exclamation marks make you look stupid. Don't do it.

'Lead: Tino Väinämöinen' Ugh. I thought so. Tino really _was_ Mathias' victim.

'Other Lead: Berwald Oxenstierna' Hmm... good luck getting Berwald to act. Also, Tino and Berwald as the leads? Who would have guessed?

'Supporting Character: Eirikur Steilsson' No doubt Eirikur's going to be the villain. Which I may or may not agree with.

Where am I on all this? Let's see- oh, _come on!_

'Assistant Director/Gathering equipment/Running around/Doing what I say/Other menial tasks: Norge'

'Mathias, what's that supposed to mean?' I asked. I mean, _seriously?_ Why do_ I_ always end up as the slave around here?

'Exactly what it says!'

'A-am I really supposed to be the main character?' Tino was already trembling. This wasn't a good sign, in case you hadn't guessed. 'I'd rather not-'

'Of course you are! Besides, you're kinda the mascot, so who better?'_ Mascot?_ Why? Ok, sure, he's cute, but he's still a person! Maybe Mathias should remember that once in a while.

'But I've never acted before...'

'Oh, I'll direct everything. It'll be fine!' I'm surprised we haven't suffocated from Mathias' overinflated head by now... 'By the way, where are Eirikur and Berwald? They _know_ this takes priority!'

Yeah, funny, that... funny that Tino and I are here on time, despite the way this idiot treats us most of the time, yet those two aren't. Maybe they're the sensible ones- no, they're not. Mathias could easily make their lives hell for not showing up. And I'm stuck in class with him, so there's no way I could possibly escape anyway.

Hey, wait a second.

'Tino? Is it ok that you're here and not in class?'

'Ah, joo! I'm just a waiter so all I'm needed for is to be fitted for the costume! I'm actually kinda looking forward to it!' So all these enforced cosplay sessions with Mathias really have gone to his head, huh... At least there he'll be wearing something more appropriate for the occasion.

Come to think of it, I don't want to know what Mathias is going to force Tino into for the movie...

'If ya wanted to be a waiter, you could have asked! I can get something easy!' Mathias was currently leaning across the table into Tino's face... until he turned to face me, that is. 'Hej, Nor? What's the one thing ya need before ya start filming?'

'Hmm...' Now here's a dilemma. Do I go with the obvious answer, inadvertently giving Mathias ideas, or do I make a smartass comment..? 'An original idea and a decent script?'

Smartass comment, obviously. What did you expect?

'Well, those are useful, but I was talking about a camera!' Oh. Of course. Ja. 'So that's our mission for today - find a video camera!'

To eBay! Nei, stupid idea. Mathias was going to drag us over to a store, wasn't he?

'U-uh... I've just remembered I need to do something... so can I go back to class-' Tino was edging his way towards the door. Frankly, Tino, I admire your efforts, but it's useless to resist Hurricane Mathias.

'Shut up and sit down.' Tino hurriedly obeyed. Mathias can be _scary_ when he wants to be. 'Don't worry! It's not like I'm gonna use you to pay! I just need some help! They'll take us more seriously if we've got the lead with us!'

Every time Mathias tells us not to worry, it only makes me worry more... usually it means he's planning something. Something bad.

'You too, Nor! You're going to carry stuff!'

_Argh._ Mathias is both taller and stronger than me. Why can't_ he_ do something for a change?

* * *

Well, it's supposed to be autumn, but with weather like this it still feels like summer. It's like the seasons just forgot to change. Get a move on, seasons! I'm boiling down here!

...I knew it. Mathias _was_ dragging us over to a store. Three train stops after we'd left school, we arrived in the city. It was pretty close to where Tino and I took a walk that one time... that feels like so long ago now. It's slightly scary exactly how much has happened over the past few months. Scary... but I'm not complaining.

Hmm... 'Héderváry Electronics', eh? Wasn't that Elisaveta's last name? What a remarkable coincidence. Looks like this is where Mathias is getting all his equipment from... how's he going to do it, though?

Speaking of coincidence, guess who was in charge of the store that day? Elisaveta herself. It's probably a part-time job or something, and it was after school, but you have to wonder about some things.

Mathias ordered us to stay at the entrance while he went to talk to Elisaveta. She'd probably know all about us and our reputation, so whether she'd hand over a camera willingly or not... It's difficult to tell. Mathias kept gesturing in our direction. Don't tell me he's using_ us_ as leverage... well, he's going to try and get it for free, isn't he? Yep... he's the sort of person that thinks the whole world agrees with him. If you want to go faster than light? Just take Mathias on your ship. He'll ignore the laws of physics for you.

'Nor!' he called from inside. 'Give your stuff to Tino and come over here!'

What did he need _me_ for? I'm just menial tasks, remember? Still, I handed my bag over to Tino and entered the shop. Mathias quickly grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into a hug. What the_ hell,_ Mathias?

Of course, Elisaveta had a reputation of her own... standing there with a camera in her hands, taking pictures of the two of us? Yeah, she was well known as a bit of a pervert, particularly when it came to guys.

'Ok, that's great! Here, take the camera you wanted!' She handed the video camera over to me with a huge smile on her face... and with that, Mathias and I left.

'_Why?_' I asked, more than a little bit irritated. 'Was_ that_ part of the deal?'

'Nah, she just wanted pictures. I told her we were shooting a movie and she let us have it, no problem!' No problem now, maybe... later was a different question.

'But why did you need to drag _me_ in for photos? Those'll be ending up around school within a week!' As if I don't get enough people asking if we're dating... _thanks_, Elisaveta.

'Great! More publicity!'

'But I'm not in your stupid movie!'

'Who cares?'

'_I_ do!'

'Oh, stop worrying, Nor! Just be my subordinate and everything will be fine!'

I'm tempted just to drop this camera, but I don't want to have to pay for it properly.

'Now come on! Next store!'

Wait, there's_ more?_ Someone shoot me now...

* * *

The next store was full of weapons. The man in charge was some grumpy Swiss guy who looked like he'd used a fair few weapons in his time. Yeah, good luck getting something for free from him, Mathias...

With the exception of the camera incident, it seemed like whenever Mathias was pointing at us, he was actually pointing at Tino. Despite his earlier promise, Tino was probably going to end up as the currency for all this stuff we were getting...

'Here we are!' Mathias came out of the second shop, huge grin plastered on face, with two large boxes, which he promptly dropped into my arms. Damn, they were heavy!

'Dare I ask what we'll be using these for?'

'For our action scenes, of course! Nothing's more entertaining than gunfights like that! Maybe we could blow up a whole building!' Well, a coherent plot is usually entertaining enough, although I will admit that blowing stuff up is a lot of fun. Far too many chemistry lessons have taught me that.

'What am I meant to do with all this stuff anyway?'

'It's too late to go back to school now, so just bring them to the clubroom tomorrow!'

'U-uh, did you want me to do something?' Tino raised his hand a little.

'Nah. We're done for today!'

Well, you heard him. Køhler activities are over for the day. Result: one camera, two guns, and a whole bunch of embarrassing photos courtesy of our school's resident Hungarian pervert. No doubt Feliks will be the first one to mention it to me. Either him or Eirikur.

They say there's nothing scarier than free stuff... and Mathias doesn't appear to be scared of anything. Any ideas?

* * *

A/N: I _love_ you guys. Seriously. [Oh yes, I am _definitely_ doing Disappearance. When it gets to that point, of course. I'm going by the parts that have been animated, mostly, so it'll be a while yet...]

This week on the Cameo Show: Hungary and Switzerland! ...Well, who else are they going to get a camera and guns from? *shot'd* [Also, format fail. Sorry.]

Next chapter, Tino's in the spotlight... whether he likes it or not.

Until next time, ciao~


	36. Sigh III

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler III - In Which Feliks Is A Moron

* * *

The first person I ran into the next day was none other than Feliks. From the looks of things those photos hadn't been handed out yet, but we hadn't reached school yet, so that's understandable. I'd rather they didn't get handed round at all, but this_ is_ Elisaveta we're talking about...

'Whatcha got there?' Feliks tried to peer into the bag containing the camera and guns, still in their boxes. 'Like, presents or something?'

'Of _course_ not.'

'Model guns, huh?' And now he'd managed it. I was tempted to swing the bag round to hit him, but I don't think Mathias would take too kindly to me breaking the guns. 'Totally didn't know you were into that kinda stuff!'

'I'm not.' Initiate Operation Ignore Feliks. Stage one: blame it on Mathias. 'They belong to Mathias. Not me.'

'Køhler? Haha, must be tough for ya.' What's _that_ supposed to mean?

Stage one: failed. And since our lockers are just across from one another, I can't get rid of him yet.

'Hey, that reminds me. Like, what're you guys doing for the Arts Festival?'

'Why are you asking _me?_'

'Køhler's a total douche, so I can't ask him. That Swedish guy never says anything, and he's, like, _way_ too scary. Tino'd run away at the sight of me. And that other guy's totally weird. Look who's left!'

'So I'm just the nice guy, am I?'

'Yah! You're so nice, you'd, like, stick with someone if they were about to fall off a cliff!' ...I did, as well. And it was pretty painful- wait, that's _cruel!_ Commence stage two.

'Hmph. Fine. If I find anything out, you'll be the last to know.'

'Hey!'

Stage two successful.

* * *

I already knew this was going to end in disaster. It's pretty much guaranteed with Mathias in charge. I didn't need Feliks telling me that. Thing is, it wasn't just Mathias and me heading in that direction. We had three others trudging alongside us. Of course, Eirikur and Berwald can fend for themselves... and more likely than not, Berwald will be taking care of Tino. You have to wonder, though... if Tino's from the future, wouldn't he know he was going to be put through all this? They probably just didn't tell him, so I have to stay vigilant. Who knows what Mathias will get up to?

Well, I didn't have to wait too long to find out. There I was, about to knock on the clubroom door, when I heard a _horribly_ familiar sound. It was Tino's 'I'm being stripped, leave me alone!' noise. In hindsight, I _really_ should have seen that coming... I'm sorry, I really am.

Once things had quietened down a bit, I dared to knock. I heard the 'Come in!' from Mathias on the other side, so I opened the door-

whoa. That's pretty impressive. A different butler outfit to the ones we'd seen before. This one was much smarter... There were certainly much worse things for him to be wearing. Not that Tino thought that, of course. I shut the door behind me.

'Well?' Mathias was wearing one of _those_ grins again. They seem to be quite frequent now. It's annoying. And you want to know what _I_ think? I don't want to know how much that cost, but it looks amazing.

Know what else is annoying? Someone opening the door straight onto you... in this case, Eirikur.

'Hallo- oh, sorry.' Then Eirikur noticed Tino. '...Looks good.'

I think I _may_ have a vague idea why Tino's wearing that, but I don't want to ask...

'This is the outfit Tino's wearing for our awesome movie!' Yeah, thought so.

'...is it now. Why couldn't you use one of the _multitude_ of costumes you already have?'

'Because it feels right!' Oh, well, that makes _everything_ ok.

I looked over at Tino, and we both seemed to have the same thoughts - there was no use arguing about it, Mathias had made up his mind and that was that.

Mathias slammed his hands down on the desk. You're going to break that if you do it again...

'Ok! This is the concept for our movie! As the director, I'm working hard to make quality entertainment for everyone! The crowd will be on their feet as the credits roll!'

Yeah, on their feet to_ leave_. It's kinda what you do at the end of a movie.

The swing of the door alerted us to Berwald's arrival. See, unlike Mathias, and now Eirikur too, Berwald can open doors properly.

'Great! Now everyone's here, this is what we're doing!' Mathias handed us a piece of paper each. And I can't say I liked what I saw at all.

'The Adventures of Tino Väinämöinen' seemed to be the title. Harmless enough, nei? Well... _nei._ Read on, Macduff... that's a deliberate misquote. Forgive me.

'Tino Väinämöinen: Combat Butler from the Future!' He'd cast Tino as someone from the future? Can you say coincidence? Not around Mathias, you can't.

'Berwald Oxenstierna: Boy-Alien Thing' Oh,_ come on_. Next you'll be telling me Eirikur's been cast as an esper. Wouldn't _that_ be great? ...And what's with the 'thing' bit, anyway?

'Eirikur Steilsson: Evil Esper' _Seriously?_ What_ amazing_ powers of guesswork Mathias has.

'Extras: Passersby' He was going to rope the_ public_ in as well? Oh dear...

Somehow I feel like this is my fault.

'Hmm. You have a great eye for roles.' Well, I think Eirikur wins this week's Best Actor award. Playing the role of He Who Does Nothing But Praise Mathias, Thus Feeding His Ego and Expanding It To Ridiculous Levels. 'Just what I'd expect from you.'

Don't look at _me_ when saying something like that... I'll end up turning to stone.

'Ok, Nor! Get those guns ready for tomorrow, we're shooting!'

Shooting what? The movie, or the guns?

'And figure out how to work that camera, it's too complicated for me.'

Yeah. I figured it would be. Too many buttons, too little brain processing-power.

* * *

Eirikur stayed behind with me to help set up the guns. Those little pellets are_ really_ fiddly. They keep falling out, it's quite annoying...

'Think there's going to be trouble?' he asked, halfway through loading the second gun.

'...this is Mathias. Of course there will be trouble.'

'I see no reason to worry yet.'

'That's what _he_ said, and that's even _less_ reason to believe it.'

'He's cast us as characters. Nothing more. I doubt he actually thinks I'm an esper, it's just a lucky coincidence. And only an idiot would get the actor confused with the character they play.'

'In which case the world is full of idiots. And are you trying to tell me Mathias _isn't_ one of them?'

'Yep. Otherwise there'd be a whole lot more weirdness around.' Eirikur took a sip of his coffee. 'He_ is_ a rational human being.'

Rational?_ Hell_ no. And the rest of you seem to be doubting the 'human' bit, too. Let's not forget exactly what Mathias' 'rational' behaviour has thrown us headfirst into... more than one alternate dimension, nearly destroying the world over sport... and don't tell me you've forgotten the endless summer.

I finished loading my gun, so I decided to check whether it worked or not. I took aim at that little 'KING' pyramid on Mathias' desk... missed horribly, but at least the gun fires. And since it only fires these pellets, nobody's going to get killed. Always reassuring.

'Of course, we can't let Mathias know who we really are. Maybe one day, but certainly not now.' Eirikur had also finished, and was putting his gun back in the box ready for tomorrow. 'Thankfully, Berwald's and Tino's groups seem to agree with mine. I'd much prefer things the way they are now.'

'That makes two of us, then. I'd rather not see the world fall apart around us- _oi!_' Eirikur's puffin had migrated over to my shoulder and was now pecking at my ear. Stupid bird.

'You worry too much about the world. Worry more about yourself. Puffin, stop that.' The puffin flew back to Eirikur's outstretched hand. 'If necessary, Berwald, Tino and I can be replaced. You, however, are unique and irreplacable, especially to Mathias. Think about that.'

I'm thinking... I'm thinking... what are you trying to say? I'm flattered by your concern, but _really_...

* * *

Lunchtime the next day was once again spent in the _wonderful_ company of Feliks and Toris... and the little voice in the back of my mind panicking over those photos of Elisaveta's.

'Maaaan, all this festival crap totally pisses me off!' _Feliks_ was complaining? _He_ wasn't being dragged around as an underling to Mathias!

'Why?' That was Toris. See, Feliks does most of the talking, Toris prompts him occasionally, and I pretend to listen. It usually works.

'Like, everywhere I look everyone's having fun! I'm, like, the only one not enjoying themselves! Not to mention all those couples... speaking of which, Norge?'

'Hm?' If this is going where I think it's going... I don't think my usual strategy will work now.

'You sure you and Køhler aren't dating?' _Dammit_, it is.

'Perfectly sure.' Now, please, stop there before I _throttle_ you.

'Ya know, I was talking to Elisaveta the other day-'

'You know_ perfectly_ well what Elisaveta's like. Don't take what she says as fact.'

'Then ya know what I'm on about! You were totally on a date with him! There's photos and everything!'

'He _dragged_ me all the way out there. Besides, Tino was there too.'

'Whatever. Ya can't keep it a secret forever.'

'There _is_ no secret.' Why can't you understand that?

'Suuuuuure, there isn't.'

Note to self: there is no use whatsoever in arguing with a brick wall.

'And then our class is doing a survey! Totally lame!'

'You could have said something.' Maybe then Mathias wouldn't have come up with this stupid movie idea...

'Nah! There's, like, no way I'm taking responsibility!' ...I thought as much.

'Yeah... If Ivan Braginsky was still around, maybe we'd be doing something better.' Toris, you have no idea...

'I know, right? I wonder if it's, like, too late to change classes...'

'Where would you go? Berwald Oxenstierna's class?'

'Maybe... hey, Norge? Remember that time I found you and him, like, all tangled up on the floor?'

'It was nothing.' _I'm_ still trying to forget that...

'Sure it was... totally just one of Køhler's crazy ideas, right?'

'Something like that.' Thank you so much for misunderstanding that day. Some day, Feliks, your stupidity may save the world.

I think I heard Feliks mutter something about 'playing to his weird fetishes', but I decided to ignore it. Brick wall, brick wall...

Hmm. Mathias' chair was empty. Where had he gone?

Actually, I don't want to know...

* * *

A/N: Teasing poor Norge is too fun. I should probably stop it, but meh.

This chapter was originally going to be twice as long, but I figured this was enough for one chapter... hence why it seems so filler-ish. Sorry! I'm trying to work in as much Hetalia-ness as possible, which is why the whole Elisaveta thing happened. [Whether it's canon or largely-accepted fanon... mwahaha.]

Next chapter, Mathias begins his rampage of insanity! Can the world possibly take it?

Until next time, adios~


	37. Sigh IV

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler IV - In Which Mathias Gets Sidetracked

* * *

'Ok, let's go shoot a movie!'

Well, isn't this sudden? Mathias had managed to obtain a director's megaphone thing, so his normally-loud voice was now earsplitting. Luckily, I'm kinda used to that by now.

'I looked all over school for a good location, but there's nothing here, so we'll have to look somewhere else! Get ready, Tino!'

'E-eh? I have to come too?'

'Of course, silly! Can't shoot a movie without our main character!'

'Oh...' Poor dejected little Tino.

Eirikur's class play was already in its dress rehearsal stages somehow... and Eirikur himself didn't have time to get changed out of his costume. Mathias was all over it, though. Something along the lines of 'yeah, you get what I mean, that's perfect', I think. So there he was, standing in our clubroom... in, uh... some kind of sailor suit. White, with a blue collar, and a funny little hat. It'd be quite amusing if Mathias weren't enjoying this way too much...

Well, with Eirikur in that and Tino already in the butler suit, it looked like we were all ready to go...

'Hej, Eirikur! Hold onto this!' ...or not. Mathias handed Eirikur some kind of... white flag? How's he going to incorporate_ that?_

'What's this for?' Eirikur asked.

'Duh! I changed your character!' He's rewriting the script _already?_ What a moron... 'Now come on, Nor! Get the camera and we're going!'

And with his usual force, he slammed open the door and dragged Tino out behind him. He means it, doesn't he? Oh _no_...

Humming an obnoxiously loud tune, Mathias marched us out and down to the station. With Eirikur and Tino in costume, we gathered a fair amount of attention...

'Hei, Mathias? Is is really a good idea for these two to be out dressed like this?' I queried, before Mathias could get us all on the train. The train wasn't here yet, so he couldn't, but that's irrelevant.

'Eh? I don't see the problem. They're wearing clothes, aren't they?' _Ugh_, typically oblivious. 'Besides, worst comes to worst, people'll think they're cosplayers! Or maybe you'd prefer them wearing something else? I can think of something!'

'...On second thoughts, I guess it's fine... although I'm shocked to hear you say_ that_ after you went to all that effort to find this for Tino.'

'Nah, we can keep this anyway!'

'Didn't you say being a butler was part of the concept?'

'Yeah, I can change it easy enough.'

'You haven't written a _thing_ down, have you?'

'Don't need to! It's all up here!' Mathias tapped his head with the megaphone thing. Lies, lies, _lies_. There's nothing in that head of yours.

'Meaning you can just change it whenever? Surely-'

'Ah! Train's here!' Oh, how _convenient_. Cutting off anything he doesn't want to listen to... not that any of it was going in anyway.

* * *

One train journey later... and we were back at Elisaveta's electronics store? What kind of movie takes place in an electronics store?

'Heeeej! We're here!' Mathias called into the shop, and a few seconds later out came Elisaveta. She grinned at me._ What?_

'Right on time! And wow, you look great in that!' That last statement was directed at Tino, of course. 'Now then, photo time?'

Wait, she wanted _more_ photos? What does she _do_ with all these?

'Ok! Tino, Berwald, come over here!' Berwald entered the shop immediately, but Tino was a little more hesitant. 'Oh, come on! In you come!' Mathias grabbed Tino by the neck and as good as threw him straight at Berwald. Berwald took hold of Tino's arms to stop him falling over.

Elisaveta's speed with a camera never ceases to amaze me.

'Thanks, you two! Right, you promised?'

...Promised? What's Mathias got us into _now_ without telling us? Not that he tells us anything anyway, but still...

'Yep! Just leave it to us!'

This looks less promising than a bag of mouldy cheese... then again, people still eat mouldy cheese. Sure, some find it disgusting, but blue cheese is still edible...

One day, I'll learn how to keep these bizarre analogies under control. Many apologies.

'Ok, people, gather round!' By 'people', Mathias meant 'the Brigade'. It was a _little_ early to get the public involved. 'Here's the deal. We're going to shoot an advert!'

...Well, that certainly explains how Mathias got all that stuff for free. Owner gives Mathias stuff, Mathias makes an advert, advert draws in more customers. Of course, this assumes people will be watching said adverts, which is _highly_ unlikely. And I thought we were here to shoot a movie?

Then again, Mathias does have a certain ability to get his way...

'U-uh...' Cut to Tino, standing in front of Héderváry Electronics with a microphone. Because, you know, who better to advertise cameras than a butler? 'This store is really nice, th-the owner is a nice person too... uh... they've been in this business a long time... uh... c-come over to Héderváry Electronics for all your camera needs! Uh...'

'Ok, cut!' Mathias didn't sound too impressed with that. 'Come on, Tino, I'm not feeling it! Emotion, emotion!'

There was plenty of emotion in that. Mostly fear. Fear of _you_ and your Danish wrath.

'Hmm... Got it!' _Ouch!_ Straight in my ear. Yeah, I'd got myself stuck as the cameraman. Probably comes under 'menial tasks'. And please, don't 'get' anything else... 'Butlers don't belong at an electronics store!'

You realise that _now?_ What phenomenal brainpower.

'Hej, Eirikur! Give me that bag!' Time to ooklay in the agbay... what horrors are contained within? Find out after the break. During said break, watch in awe as Mathias drags Tino away somewhere.

'Hm. At least I won't be involved today. I couldn't possibly remember any more lines...' Well, good for you, Eirikur, but _you're_ not being used as manual labour. Lucky bastard. 'I'm having enough trouble remembering lines for my class play, so I'd prefer not to have too much dialogue in this.'

'Yeah? Good luck trying to tell Mathias that.'

'I don't suppose there's any chance of you taking over my role, is there?'

'...Again, good luck with Mathias. He's the one in charge.'

'Do you actually think I could do something so terrifying? These are Mathias' orders... I don't want to know what would happen if I disobeyed.'

'That's two of us then. Now you know why I just run the camera and occasionally make comments.'

'We're baaaaack!' Mathias had returned, Tino in tow-

oh, the return of the bunny butler suit! How I have_ missed_ it! Mathias apparently didn't feel the need to bring his own, though. ...Shame. Hard to think last time I saw that was over six months ago... how time flies when crazy shit's happening around you all the time.

Such fond memories now... yeah, like _hell!_

'This'll sell stuff for sure! Nor, ready the camera!'

_Beep_. Commence take two.

* * *

Take two appeared to be sufficient for our insane leader/director/chief/king/whatever else he wants to flatter himself with. Of course, the camera wasn't the only thing we'd bought yesterday. Now we were to make another advert, this time for the grumpy Swiss guy.

This time, Mathias dragged Tino away for yet another change of costume. Just how much can you fit in a bag that small, anyway? Oh, the wonders of dimensional transcendence...

Yep, Mathias had a TARDIS bag. It's the only explanation.

I certainly didn't expect Tino to come back wearing something so... _familiar_. It was exactly the same military uniform Future-Tino had been wearing when I met him! How does _that_ work? Did Mathias scrounge this from some second-hand shop or something?

Well, ok, it wasn't _exactly_ the same. Mathias had added some kind of white hooded cloak. Like for a sniper hiding out in the snow. I suppose if you're going to sell weaponry, you may as well look the part...

'Ok! Ready! Do it just like before, that was great!' No, it _really_ wasn't. 'Aaaand... Action!'

_Beep_. Roll the camera. Now Berwald was there too, with a sign reading 'Zwingli Models'. That's the shop, I don't think I mentioned that.

'U-uh... I'm standing here in front of Vash Zwingli's model shop! Uh, his sales have been down for a while...' Tino moved closer to where Eirikur was holding the script for him to read. Can't he borrow Berwald's glasses for a bit? That might help. '...uh... down at the start of this year about... eighty percent... so everyone should come down here and buy lots of models! Kiitos!'

Mathias grabbed one of the guns and held it up to Tino.

'U-uh, you want me to hold it..?' Mathias nodded. Tino took the gun. 'Um, you should never fire this at people!'

Mathias' gestures seemed to disagree with that. Who _wrote_ that script?

'A-ah, you want me to shoot it? Wh-what do I shoot?' Mathias pointed straight at my head. Hei! That's cruel! He could hit me! I shook my head, but Tino had already taken aim.

Square in my forehead. Damn, that _hurt!_ Why, Mathias? _Why?_

'Cut! Wow, Tino, you're a great shot!'

Great. _Yeah_. Tell that to my head.

After all that, we headed straight back to school and up to the clubroom. I ended up making Tino a coffee, since he was too exhausted to make one for himself.

'Not bad for a day's work! Tomorrow, we start on the movie proper!'

'We already _have_ fifteen minutes' worth of advertising! How long is this movie going to _be?_' That camera only has so much capacity...

'We'll just shoot as much as we can and sort it out later! Editing on the computer should be simple!'

Yeah, who's going to end up doing _that?_ No doubt that comes under 'menial tasks' as well... and after being used as target practice as well. Can't he treat us like _people_ for once?

'Ok, tomorrow's Saturday so there's no school.' Well observed, _genius_. 'We'll meet at the station at nine and go from there!'

'And what's Tino supposed to be wearing?'

'The butler suit, of course!'

'Can't he wear something more _appropriate_ for fighting?'

'Nope! Then there'd be no surprise when he did! Silly Nor, you have to know these things.'

'Then... why is him being from the future important to the story?' Tino gave me a shocked look. What did I- _oops_. 'His character, obviously.'

'Details can be figured out later, and if we can't figure it out we ignore it! It's all entertainment, so you shouldn't think too hard about these things.'

'That implies it's entertaining. Which I doubt it is to anyone but _you_.'

'Don't be so narrow-minded, Nor! We're aiming to be the best event at the Arts Festival! Then we'll be going for a Golden Globe!'

Narrow-minded? Me? _Pfft_. This coming from _Mathias_. And we've got more chance of winning a Golden Pineapple than a Golden Globe. Well, I think it's a pineapple... some sort of fruit. Whatever it is.

And to be honest, Mathias could be the most awesome person ever if only he could figure out how to make himself more pleasant to deal with... and stop with the collar-grab. That's annoying.

* * *

A/N: Putting Hungary in solves all your problems. Clearly.

I had to find some way of fitting Sniper Finland in. Absolutely adore him. Poor Norge. Ok, I know I said I'd be able to update more during the holidays, but we're off to Germany next week so I won't be able to update then. Let's say the people we're staying with are rather... technologically behind.

Next chapter, filming begins! Watch out, world!

Until next time, ha det~


	38. Sigh V

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler V - In Which Filming Begins Badly

* * *

Well, we were supposed to meet at nine. So I aimed to arrive at ten to nine-

'Late again, Nor! You're paying for lunch!'

_That_ plan failed. Miserably. One of these days, I'm actually going to be here before Mathias. That'll show him.

'Now come on, get fired up! Free yourself from what's holding you back and your hidden strengths will be revealed! Then you can tap into unimaginable power!' Hm. I wonder how long Mathias has been practising _that_ speech? Sounds like some kind of superhero ready to unleash a counterattack...

Wait, unimaginable power, huh? Mathias, that's the thing. You already have that. You just can't ever know about it.

Berwald was in his uniform, of course. Aside from that festival, I don't think I've actually seen him in anything else. Eirikur had apparently been ordered to wear that sailor outfit. Part of the character, I guess...

'Oh, and I'm paying for everyone's bus fare. It's a necessary expense, but I'll do it!' How... unusually _kind_ of you, Mathias...

Half an hour of rattling around on a bus, and another half an hour of walking, and we'd arrived at Mathias' chosen location. Admittedly it was a great place for a shoot, but you got the feeling very few people ever went there.

Ugh, it's too warm out here...

hm?

'...drink.' Berwald was holding out a half-empty bottle of water. For me?

'Uh, takk-' I reached up to take it, but Mathias snatched it out of Berwald's hand.

'No way! Drink later, we've got work to do!' Can't I have five seconds of relief? Please? ...Nope, didn't think so. _Slave-driver_. 'Now, Tino, go get changed! Soon as the camera's ready, we're starting!'

'U-uh, here?' That's a point! We're still in a public place-

'Oh, just hide in the woods, nobody's here!'

Completely irrelevant! Not that Mathias cared, though.

Time passed, and I sat myself on a nearby bench for a while...

'Ta-daaaah!' Mathias stepped aside to reveal his latest masterpiece. Tino was indeed back in that butler suit, but something was different... his eyes. One was its usual purple colour, but the other was now bright blue. Much like Mathias', actually... 'Coloured contact lens! Any self-respecting hero has different-coloured eyes! Makes them more mysterious, nej?'

'Mysterious? Maybe... just complete nonsense if you don't explain it. Any reason behind it?'

'It's a secret!'

'Meaning you don't know.'

'Meaning the reason is too awesome for someone like you!' ...nope, he doesn't know.

'Of course. Why can't you bestow some of your own 'awesomeness' upon someone like me, then?'

'Argh, Nor, it's a secret, ok?'

'Ja, I get it... _idiot_.'

And how was Tino with all of this? Well... not_ too_ pleased.

Filming began shortly after that, with the epic shot of... Tino running. With Eirikur holding up a piece of card to block off the unusually bright sun, I set up the camera and off he went.

Well... this is our opening sequence, I suppose. You'd think we would have seen a script by now, or at least some vague ideas of the plot, but nope. Not a smidget.

Is that a word? If not, it _should_ be.

Mathias' excuse? He didn't want it to get leaked. I love how he just assumes people are actually going to think it's worth stealing. Because it probably won't be.

'Come on, Tino! Keep running! Get into character!' Mathias called to Tino, currently heading straight into the camera.

'It'd be much easier for him if he actually knew what the character was supposed to be.'

'Isn't it obvious? He's the heroic combat butler from the future! What else do you need? Tino, do that one again!' Tino was sent back to the start, collected 200 kroner for passing GO, and started running at the camera again. Because apparently that last take wasn't good enough.

'A personality, maybe? That helps.'

'Oh, that'll come later. Run, Tino, run! Like you did in take three!'

Can you say 'skewed priorities'? Idiocy, thy name is Mathias.

* * *

Berwald had taken over card-carrying duties, since Eirikur was needed for this scene. Yep, random out-of-nowhere fight scene. Tino apparently needed both guns for this.

'Ok, Tino, you're aiming at Eirikur, got it?' Mathias was really getting into this whole 'director' thing.

'I thought we weren't supposed to shoot these at people?' Tino asked. In that case, why did you go ahead with it yesterday? So it's ok to shoot _me_, but not Eirikur? _Ugh_.

'Nah, it'll be fine! Ya don't need to actually hit him! Besides, Eirikur can dodge if they get too close!'

...I know Eirikur has great reflexes and all, but I don't think he'd be able to do that.

Tino turned to look at Eirikur. Eirikur simply nodded. He's ok with this? Why am I surrounded by crazy people- actually, that's a stupid question. _Really_ stupid.

After a few more seconds, Tino let the first gun fire. The pellet bounced off Eirikur's shoulder. Didn't it hurt at all?

'That's great! Now, alternate!' Mathias called from the director's chair. Tino did just that, and every single pellet hit Eirikur somewhere. Well, except that one I think the puffin swallowed. I'm sure it was delicious.

'Mathias, this doesn't seem like a movie at all. There's nothing vaguely resembling a plot.'

'That's what editing's for, Nor!'

'Yeah, and who's doing _that_? Tell me what's supposed to be going on! Is there even any dialogue?'

'We'll just stick that in later! Along with music and sound effects, of course. Just go with it!'

I can't 'go with it' if I don't know what I'm supposed to be going with. It's all in your _stupid_ head, remember?

'Ok, next scene! Eirikur, zap Tino with your evil magic stuff!'

'Huh?'

'Didn't I mention? Eirikur's an evil esper sailor!' Yeah, because that makes _perfect_ sense.

'How should I do that?'

'The flag! Use the flag!' Of course, flags are the source of all power. Come to think of it, didn't that Italian guy have white flags in his pasta stall?

Eirikur raised his arm and started waving the flag around. How is that supposed to do _anything?_ He just looks like he's surrendering!

'...oh well. We'll just have to use CG effects, huh...' Mathias whacked me with his megaphone thing. Apparently I now serve as a punching bag for physical abuse. 'Nor, make sure you get a couple of beams coming out of that flag, ok?'

'Why a flag?'

'He's a sailor!'

'So?'

'Like I said, just go with it!'

Face, meet palm. I'm sorry, you'll have to break up with desk.

'Ok, Tino, fall down like you're in pain!' Well, that shouldn't be too hard. Tino did as he was ordered, although it looked more like he was collapsing from exhaustion. Not surprising, considering it's a really warm day and he's stuck in a black suit like that.

After all that was done, Mathias took the time to rewatch exactly what he'd forced me to record.

'Hmm... Hej, I know what we need! Pigeons!' Why pigeons? Of all the things... 'There's a fountain near here, so we're going there next. I want to shoot Tino walking heroically with pigeons flying around him!'

Yeah, you can see where this is going. Off he drags us again. Wheeeee.

'It'd be awesome if the pigeons were white, too! But any pigeons will do.' Mathias proved once again that he's completely illiterate, as he ignored the 'DO NOT FEED THE PIGEONS' sign and started throwing breadcrumbs around. It certainly worked, as pigeons had flocked around poor Tino in seconds.

Of course, pigeons don't generally fly away when they're feeding... unless a certain Danish idiot is shooting at them.

'Nor, that's the shot! Get it!' Way ahead of you, Mathias. I was filming from when you threw the crumbs at Tino's legs.

'What the _hell_ do you think you're doing-aru?' A loud shout startled all of us. I turned to see that man from Berwald and Ivan's apartment block yelling at us. He probably owned the fountain. Of course, Mathias took that as a challenge and, like the moron he is, started shooting at him. The rest of us took that opportunity to get the heck out of there. Why in the name of _sanity_ did Mathias feel the need to do _that?_

* * *

We 'retreated' to a nearby café, where yours truly suddenly remembered his punishment for being the last to arrive. Buying everyone lunch. Luckily, everyone was happy with pastries, so it was simple enough.

Tino didn't eat much, though. Poor guy must be exhausted.

'Ya don't eat much, Tino. You're never going to get any taller if you don't eat!' Hei, that's _mean_. Just because he's the shortest of us five doesn't mean you can make fun of it.

...Not that he ever gets taller anyway. Future-Tino's still a fair bit shorter than me...

'Mathias, what are you going to do if that guy tries to file a complaint against the school? Berwald's in his uniform, it's a dead giveaway.'

'Jackets like that are common enough. If he says anything we'll say we don't know anything!'

'Yeah, you _certainly_ don't know anything. And once we show the movie, our cover's blown. How many butlers do _you_ see running around a fountain with the pigeons?'

'Ya never know, there could be!'

'Of _course_. I saw one just a few minutes ago.'

'Exactly! See?' ...I was referring to Tino. 'Anyway, we're going back to the park and shooting some more after this. We didn't get enough footage for the fight scene. I want Tino running for his life through the forest with Eirikur chasing him! Or maybe Tino falls off a cliff and Berwald happens to be walking by and saves him!'

And this is how you can tell he's making it up on the spot. Knowing him, he'll actually get Tino falling off a cliff, though... Why can't_ Mathias_ do the falling off of cliffs? It'd be much more amusing.

'Will anyone else be in the film or is it just us three?' _Argh_, Eirikur, don't ask stupid questions! You'll only provoke him!

'Hmm... ya got a point there. Three won't be enough. Tak! As a reward, you can have more screen-time!' Which is exactly what he didn't want. Haha. You asked for it. It's your own stupid fault. Stir up a wasps' nest, you get what's coming to you. Notice how_ I_ didn't say anything about that...

'Before the boss gets defeated, you gotta kick the crap out of some minions. Would minions work..?'

Yeah, Feliks and Toris would make great minions.

'We've got to put Tino's character through a lot of suffering! No pain, no gain, eh? The more suffering he goes through, the bigger the payoff at the end!'

_Suffering?_ Let me tell you, Mathias, there are at least two people in this Brigade that are _not_ going to put up with you treating Tino like this.

But best not to disobey orders yet. Danish wrath isn't something I want to face.

* * *

A/N: I'm trying to make Norge a whole lot snarkier now. It's fun.

The dramatic return of China! Le gasp! I'll try to fit at least one more chapter in before I go to Germany, so stay with it!

Next chapter, Mathias starts to lose his grip on reality a little... see the warning signs. Mathias can't read them, of course.

Until next time, valete~


	39. Sigh VI

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler VI - In Which Stuff Goes Horribly Wrong

* * *

I think Mathias' energy was the only thing keeping most of us going by this point. We made our way back to the park for more... 'fun'.

'Ok, we're not using the guns in this scene. I wanted something cooler, but ours don't shoot fire...' Ever heard of a flamethrower? Nei?_ Good_. Mathias was marking out a spot on the ground with a piece of chalk. 'Tino, come stand here!'

I should probably mention, Tino had the contact lens back in, so one eye was blue again. It was probably going to be part of the scene, knowing Mathias.

Mathias pointed to another area just opposite Tino's spot. 'Eirikur, you're over here!'

'Ok.' Both Tino and Eirikur made their way to their respective spots.

'Don't move from there! Stare each other down! Berwald, get that board.' Ah, that board thing.

Mathias flopped himself down into the director's chair.

'And... action!' he shouted, firing that gun into the air. Wait, _action?_ What are you expecting them to do? All you asked them to do was stand there!

And stand there was exactly what they did, both confused by Mathias' order.

'Oh, come _on!_ It's supposed to be a battle scene!' What do you freaking _expect?_ Mathias marched over to Tino and whacked him over the head with the megaphone thing. Tino covered his head in defence. 'Tino! Just because you're cute doesn't mean you can get lazy! Get with it or you'll get yourself replaced by someone younger and cuter!'

What the _hell_ is he on about?

'Do something, Tino! At least try shooting a beam out of your eye!'

Ok, _wha..?_ Tino looked at Mathias with an expression that was a mixture of confusion and sheer terror. The rest of us just started to worry. 'I-I can't do that!'

'You idiot! That's the whole point of your coloured eye! There's incredible power in that eye! That's what the beam's about! It's the Tino Beam, so use it!'

'B-but I can't!'

'Fire it, dammit! _Fire it!_' Mathias had started hitting Tino repeatedly over the head. This has gone _way_ too far. I passed the camera on to Berwald and pulled Mathias away from Tino.

'Cut it out!' I gripped both of Mathias' wrists, letting Tino escape.

'The_ hell_ are you doing, Norge?' Mathias twisted himself round, inadvertently trapping himself in what would probably look to an outsider like a hug. It was anything _but_ that, though.

'Me? What are you doing, you idiot? Tino's a person! He can't shoot beams from his eyes!'

Awkward silence.

'Hmph. I know_ that_. I'm trying to get Tino into character! Hard to believe he's supposed to be the hero... sheesh, Nor, you never get it when I'm joking around, do you?'

'I thought you _never_ joked around.'

'Well, I do. Ok?'

Actually, nei, it's not ok. What if Tino _does_ start shooting beams from his eyes? What are you going to do_ then?_

'Can I make a suggestion?' Sure, Eirikur, go ahead. 'Maybe after we've shot this scene we can figure the CG part out.' You mean _I_ can figure it out. I've been cast as 'workbitch', so it's my job, remember?

'That's what I was going to do anyway!' Yeah, like _hell_ you were. You were trying to get Tino to shoot actual beams. 'Now, everyone back into position and we'll retake that scene!'

* * *

Mathias took Tino to one side for a while. Striking... odd poses every now and then. I wasn't paying that much attention, but I caught the end of what he was saying.

'Ok, so when you strike this pose, shout 'Tino Beam!'' Said pose was one hand on waist, other hand with two fingers out next to coloured eye, other eye closed.

'U-uh, is this right?' Tino tried to copy Mathias'_ bizarre_ pose.

'Nej, like this! Ok, go for it!'

By now our little shoot had acquired an audience. Ugh, don't waste your time... go somewhere else.

'T-Tino beam!'

'Argh, nej! Louder!'

'T-T-Tino beam!'

The stares from the families watching us are starting to hurt. Funnily enough, like they're all shooting lasers at the back of my head...

'Ok, that's it! Let's do this!'

And with that, everyone was ordered back into position. Berwald holding that board up, Eirikur standing opposite Tino, and me with the camera pointing directly at Tino.

'Unleash the beam!' I took that as my cue to start the camera. Other eye closed, concentrate... Tino took the pose Mathias had shown him.

'Ti... Tino beam!' Wait, was that a flash- where did the picture go? I heard something fall down... I took the camera away from my face to get a look.

The board was what had fallen down. Because Berwald was now standing in front of me, fist outstretched. And I don't want to think about how he got over here so fast.

'Eh? What's up, Berwald, how'd you get over there?' Mathias asked, startled by Berwald's sudden movement. Tino stepped back, still in his beam pose, and- there it was! Another flash! Berwald snatched at the air in front of my face, and I heard a sizzling sound... oh, _faen_. Tino looked over at where Berwald had been, and the board was promptly sliced in half.

Berwald ran straight towards Tino, leapt at him and knocked him to the floor. Any other time I would have said their positions looked rather dirty, but given that Tino had almost blasted me in the _face_ I wasn't exactly thinking that.

'Hej, what are you _doing_, Berwald? You're not in this scene!' Mathias and I both approached the two who were on the floor, camera still in my hand and still rolling, although I _think_ it was pointing at the sky at this point.

'Berwald? Get off him, seriously.' Berwald turned to look at me, and moved aside. Tino sat up, still a little in shock. Then I noticed that his contact lens had gone mysteriously missing. Hmm, wonder where _that's_ gone.

Mathias sighed. 'If it's not in the script, don't do it- Hej, where's your contact lens gone?'

'E-eh? It's not there?' Come to think of it, Tino probably didn't realise he was shooting those beams... or at the very least had no control over them. Well, times like this, you ask someone who may know what's going on.

'Berwald? Any idea where the contact lens went?'

'...nej.'

_Liar._

'Maybe it fell out while you two were struggling?' Mathias suggested. Under his orders, Tino and I searched the floor for the lens, but as I expected we found nothing. Eirikur spent his time examining the board rather than helping us, though. Can't you _help_ us once in a while?

He noticed the slight glare I was giving him. 'What, the contact lens? Probably got blown away by the wind.'

'Oh? The board broke?' Mathias noticed what Eirikur was looking at. A slightly jagged line, but it had been sliced almost exactly down the middle. 'Argh, this is what happens when you borrow from the Photo Club! Just tape it up for the moment, we'll get a better one.'

'Ok.'

Mathias went back to Tino and knelt down in front of him. 'Hmph. If you don't have the contact lens, the continuity's all messed up. What're we going to do..?'

This is the point where Mathias either gets annoyed or comes up with some stupid idea-

'I got an idea!' Usually the latter. 'We can have his eye colour change after he transforms!'

'T-transforms?' Yeah, Tino, I hear you. It's a ridiculous idea.

'Of course! Ya can't be in the same costume all the time, it's not realistic! Ya need an alter-ego or something!'

Never thought I'd be hearing_ him_ talk about realism in fiction...

'Actually, that's not a bad idea... maybe some normal clothes for a change...' Don't be silly, Tino. Normal clothes are an alien concept to Mathias.

'Yep! So when you're not fighting you can wear the bunny butler outfit!'

'_Wha?_' Apparently this was not what Tino was expecting. 'Why?'

'Well, that's the only other costume I have with me! Besides, normal clothes won't look as cool on the screen!'

'B-but-'

'Wait! I know! Tino's alter-ego is a bunny butler who works attracting customers to stores, only transforming when he senses danger! Awesome idea, eh, Nor?'

'What happened to realism?'

'Oh, come on, it's entertainment!' Well, what did he _expect_ me to say? Yes, Mathias, that is indeed a wonderful idea, I could never have come up with something so great and logical!_ Pfft_, nei.

'...right.' Brick wall rule also applies here.

'Right! Tino, time for a costume change!' Mathias dragged Tino back into the woods. Tino can't get changed by himself, remember?

* * *

On the other hand, Mathias' departure gave me a good opportunity to talk to the others about the Tino beam.

'Ok, what was all _that_ about, then? Knocking Tino down like that.' Berwald said nothing, just stretched out his hand. He was balancing the contact lens on his finger. I thought as much, Berwald was the one that took it... not like it could have been anyone _else_, though.

'...laser.'

'Hm?'

Berwald, your explanations are brief, which is wonderful, but mind telling me what actually happened? Try talking for at least, oh... ten seconds, maybe?

''s an aero-spacially coherent beam 'f light 'nvisible to th'eye.'

Got it. Now in a language we can understand, please.

'A laser? How unexpected. Can I?' Berwald handed the lens over to Eirikur, who took a look at it. 'Hmm... nothing unusual about it.'

'What are you looking for, anyway?'

'Anything. Show me the palm of your hand.' ...why? I put up my hand- 'Not _you_. Berwald.'

Berwald looked at me, then opened his hand. And considering what I know he's capable of, what I saw was actually rather shocking.

Burn marks.

'...broke through m'shield.'

You're acting like it's nothing! Just_ looking_ at it is painful! Then again, this is someone who can survive being _skewered_ by multiple spikes at once...

''t was strong. Had t'act fast.'

'Then... it came from Tino's eye?'

'Ja.'

'That's it?'

''t'll repair 'tself.' Sure enough, Berwald's hand was soon back to pristine condition. That... wasn't what I was talking about, though.

'So Tino can shoot particle beams out of his eye?'

'Not a particle beam. Cohesive beam.' Yeah, takk, Berwald, but we don't need to get technical.

'Do you think Tino could always do that?' Eirikur asked.

'Nej. Tino Väinämöinen's currently a normal human being, no different from anyone else.'

'Is there some sort of mechanism inside this thing?' ...referring to the contact lens, of course.

'Nej. 't's a simple cosmetic 'ccessory.'

I suddenly realised exactly what I owed to Berwald. If he hadn't caught that laser thing, it would have gone straight through the camera. Then into my eye, then... out the other side... not pretty. Basically, he'd saved my life. _Again._

'Mathias is the cause of all this.' Argh,_ typical._ It's _always_ his fault... 'He wanted a Tino beam in the film, so reality altered to give him one. Interesting...'

'Wait a second, nobody cast a spell on that lens or anything! What's to stop Tino running around the forest slicing the trees down?'

'Because Mathias believes that the beam can only be cast when Tino has a blue eye. There's no need for spells or technology.'

'But Mathias can't expect a beam to come shooting out of his eye! The beam shouldn't exist in the first place!'

'True. He knows fact from fiction... trouble is, at the moment we're dealing with fiction. Mathias Køhler, director of this fictional world. Free rein to do whatever he chooses. I think-' Eirikur stopped. We could hear rustling in the wood. That meant only one thing. 'Looks like our director is returning. We'll have to continue later.'

Eirikur slipped the contact lens into his pocket. Sneaky.

Sure enough, there was Mathias, and a bobbing pair of red bunny ears attached to Tino's head.

'Ok, listen up everyone!' Taking charge immediately... so _annoying_. 'Let's do this!'

'This' was apparently taking short shots of Tino doing seemingly irrelevant stuff that would eventually be compiled into 'A Day In The Life of Tino Väinämöinen'... although I'm not entirely sure what sort of life he's supposed to be having. Things like... picking flowers, walking aimlessly along a bridge, blowing a fallen leaf out of his hand... and making poor Tino run around a lot. And after all that, there were _still_ things Mathias wasn't happy with.

'Hmm... Not sure about that mountain in the background... We're going into town!'

Oh, for the love of all that may be considered awesome... I suppose at least he's not trying to wipe that mountain out of existence.

* * *

If we were getting strange looks before, the bunny ears were drawing even more attention... Tino wore that suit until the sun went down, which is a pretty long time. In fact, that was pretty much all he did for the rest of the day, walk around in that while being filmed. No objections here, though.

Permission to film was another alien concept to Mathias. In his mind, he was free to film wherever and whenever- or rather, free to order _me_ to film wherever and whenever. Of course, he barely knew what the word 'free' means...

'Hmm...' Once we'd got enough footage and taken the train back to our city, Mathias watched it over. 'Yeah, that's good for today!'

See everyone breathe a sigh of relief. That was a _really_ long day... still, tomorrow's Sunday so I might get some rest-

'Ok, see ya tomorrow! Same place, same time, same everything!' ...or _not._ 'We're on a tight schedule, so we can't rest a moment! You can kick back once the festival's over! Nor, take this!' Mathias shoved the folded-up director's chair and the megaphone thing onto me. No asking, no politeness, just give it all to the workbitch. 'We're going to make this the most awesome movie ever! And since I'm directing, that's almost guaranteed! The rest is up to you lot, of course. If anyone shows up late tomorrow, it's the death penalty!'

And with that, our lord and master bounded off, humming a merry tune. Eirikur sidled up to me... a little too close for comfort.

'I'll take care of telling Tino, ok?'

'About _what?_'

'The laser, of course. As long as his eyes stay normal-coloured, there won't be any beams. Think we should take further precautions?'

'Why not? I'd rather not chance having my head blasted off again.'

Eirikur nodded, and went to sit between Tino and Berwald on the bench at the station.

Berwald... He keeps jumping in and saving me... I don't want to think about what would happen if he wasn't around. On the other hand, I don't want to rely on him too much. What do I do?

Well, I know what I'm doing now. I'm going home and getting some well-earned rest while I can.

* * *

A/N: Tino's a-firin his lazor! *shot'd* Sorry, sorry, I had to.

Long chapter is long. Mathias is a total douchebag at the moment... then again, that's the way I've seen Denmark portrayed in Kalmar Union fics, so... meh.

Next chapter, we get some unexpected recruits, and they take a trip to a big fancy house.

Until next time, näkemiin~


	40. Sigh VII

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler VII - In Which Norge Explodes

* * *

Apparently, Mathias needed some extras for something. He _still_ wouldn't tell me what, though. It's getting beyond frustrating. So, who better to rope in than Feliks and Toris?

Tino, on the other hand, hadn't shown up yet. It was slightly worrying. If Tino doesn't turn up, Mathias gets angrier... and _we_ all get the brunt of it.

'Halloooooo, Norge!' Oh, yeah, Gilbert was here too. Two extras aren't enough, eh... 'What's up with Tino, then?'

'Dunno.' If I knew, Mathias wouldn't be yelling down the phone at poor Tino...

'What're we doing then?'

'He didn't tell you?'

'Nein, I was just told to show up if I wasn't busy! What's up with Eirikur's crazy outfit, huh?'

Oh, give me a _break_... I don't need two insane loudmouths running around...

'...you've got what? A stomach ache?' Speaking of which, Mathias' voice had been getting increasingly loud. If Tino hasn't gone deaf on the other end of the line, I'm giving him a medal. Seriously. 'That's no excuse! Get your lazy ass down here now!'

He hung up. Sounds like Tino's got a sudden case of 'convenient illness'. Like the sort people all suspiciously end up with when there's a deadline approaching for schoolwork.

'Argh, I'm going to get him!' Mathias picked a small bag out of the large one I'd been ordered to bring along, and hailed a taxi. Because, you know, one just happened to come along at the right moment. Ah, the benefits of being a reality warper are endless... I watched as that taxi drove away. I could practically see the smoke trail from Mathias' rage.

'I suppose I can understand where Tino's coming from,' Eirikur mused. 'After all, at this rate he really will end up as the transforming hero he's playing. Laser beams are a bit much, though, but that's been sorted now.'

'Sorted? How?'

Eirikur glanced over his shoulder. Berwald was standing there, motionless. 'We had a hand, shall we say...'

'A hand in _what_, dare I ask?'

'Neutralising the laser beam, of course. Not sure exactly how... unlike most TFEIs, this one doesn't say much.'

'TFEI? What's _that?_'

'It's an acronym.' _Argh_, don't take it so literally!

'Yeah, I know what it _is_, what does it _mean?_'

'It's what my Agency calls beings like Berwald. It doesn't mean anything important... but Berwald's certainly an unusual specimen.' Eirikur makes it sound like Berwald's some sort of test subject in a laboratory... 'Compared to the other TFEIs, that is.'

Yeah, and exactly how many have you had the 'pleasure' of dealing with? Ever been threatened by one wielding a pipe? Nei, didn't think so.

There was nothing really to do but wait for Mathias' return. I ended up half-listening to Feliks, half-falling-asleep-standing-up. Feliks was talking about nothing, as usual... something about seeing a 'love' sign in a taxi window, and figuring that's what was missing from his poor little life. Love, of course, not a sign. Or a taxi window. Toris thought maybe it was a private taxi, to have 'love' written in the window. I never thought we'd actually have to rely on these two geniuses...

See, most of the time I'm too busy with Mathias' crazy ideas to worry about something like that... unless you listen to Eirikur, of course.

Feliks' wonderful speech was finally interrupted by the return of our leader, with Tino in tow. Tino was already in the butler suit, of course. Presumably that's what was in the little bag Mathias took with him.

'Pretending to be ill! Really, Tino, you should be ashamed! We're shooting today and that's final!' Mathias appeared to be giving Tino some sort of lecture. _That's_ going to work...

'Tino! Looking awesome today!' Gilbert bounded over to meet his friend. I'm still not sure how these two get along so well, but I can't say it's a problem.

'A-ah, kiitos! I'm sorry I'm so late...'

'It's ok, really.'

'Hallo, Mathias!' Gilbert seems to be rather easily distracted... Tino took the opportunity to talk to me.

'I-I'm sorry about yesterday... I don't know how, but I suddenly started firing lasers everywhere...'

'Don't worry, it didn't hit me.' Thanks to Berwald. Speaking of which, why isn't he doing more to protect his 'wife'? Maybe the Data Thingy didn't want him interfering and making Mathias angry...

Tino leaned in closer to whisper. 'I was bitten...'

'Bitten? By what?' A particularly vicious insect?

'Berwald...' Berwald's a _vampire?_ 'He injected nanomachines into me, and now nothing's going to come out of my eye!' ...ok, not a vampire. What a relief.

'That's good.'

'It is, isn't it? Last night, he and Eirikur-' Tino was cut off by a rather loud laugh from his silver-haired friend. Said friend had apparently finished talking to Mathias and had come back to talk with Tino.

'What ya whispering about, Tino?' _Nosy_.

'A-ah, nothing...'

'Ok!' And here come Mathias' ridiculous orders for today. 'I've got our location for today! There's a big lake near Eirikur's house that's perfect for this scene!'

And with that, he marched us off to the next location. Right. Time to start thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong... actually, I'll be here for hours. Best to save what little sanity I have left.

It wasn't too far from the station, this lake. On the other hand, it was closed to the public - yeah, that means we shouldn't be going in. Even _children_ would avoid shooting here! Well, except for the stupid ones.

'Don't just stand there, climb the fence!' Whoops, I forgot. We're dealing with a _particularly_ stupid child. 'Come on, Tino!'

'Wha..?'

'Mathias, that fence is too high for everyone to climb over.'

'Feh, wimps.' _Argh_, not everyone is some kind of super-being like you! And I'm not talking about messing up the world, either. Everything he does, he's good at.

Ta-ta-taaaah! Berwald the super-being to the rescue! He pulled at a gap between two fence panels and made a space wide enough for everyone to get through.

'Wow... must be a really old fence.' Ah, I _love_ it when Toris goes for the logical explanation. Saves us having to cover up the truth. Thankfully everyone's completely clueless.

'Hey, like, am I going to be playing a sea monster or something?' Feliks, just shut up and go in...

* * *

There was a platform leading out into the middle of the lake. I don't know why they call it a lake, though... it looks more like a giant pool. Still, if it's where Mathias wants to film, then film here we shall.

Mathias sat himself down in the magical director's chair and started scribbling some nonsense down on a flip-pad.

'There, that'll do it!' Do _what?_ 'This'll be the scene where Tino gets cornered by Eirikur! He's cancelled out the beam so Tino can't use it. Cue cards done! Hold on to this, will ya?' Mathias passed the flip-pad over his head to whoever happened to be standing behind him. That would be Feliks, by the way.

'...like, what the hell?' And that is the most sense Feliks has ever made.

'Tino, ready?'

'U-uh, joo-'

'Louder!'

'Joo!' Well, he didn't _look_ ready...

'Good! Let's get filming!' Oh, Tino... I feel your pain... 'And... action!'

_Beep_. Roll camera for the eleventy-zillion-and-fifth time. Yeah, I counted.

Tino started reading from the cue card Feliks was holding up, although how he could read Mathias' messy scrawl is beyond me.

'E-even at times like this I will never run away! You're an evil bad esper, you...' Tino was pulling some really odd poses while talking. '...and you'd better leave at once!'

'Cut!'

And everyone swivel round to Eirikur...

'...because he's valuable to us... uh, while we seize him, we'll be taking over.'

'Cut!' Looks like what Eirikur said before was exactly right. He really was a _terrible_ actor. But anyway, back to Tino.

'U-uh, I won't let you do that! I will risk my own life to stop you!'

'Cut!' Tino visibly slumped in relief. 'See, you're getting into it now!'

I don't know what you're watching, Mathias, but it didn't seem that great to me... but what do _I_ know?

'Ok, come over here, I need to talk about the next shot!' Mathias got out of his chair and walked up to Tino, meeting him in the middle of the platform. I'm starting to get bored now... can we go home before people start noticing us? Not likely.

Tino flinched at something... this doesn't look good.

'That's an awesome camera you got there!' Gilbert came noseying over. 'Betcha got lots of stupid stuff on there! Dahahaha!'

Stupid, yeah... but also potentially damaging. What if Tino stops coming to school altogether?

'We're ready! Now we're kicking it up a notch!' Mathias stepped aside to reveal- oh, _crap_. He'd given Tino another coloured contact lens! It's going to be a repeat of yesterday, isn't it? Bad, bad, _bad!_ Not good! 'I don't care what comes out of this miracle eye, but make it destructive!'

I was almost knocked off the platform by something pushing past me- or rather, someone. Berwald had again pushed Tino down to the floor, and with Tino struggling underneath him...

'Hej, Berwald! You're not in this scene either! Stop interrupting!' At least he isn't ordering me to film this. There's no way I'd film that, even with Mathias breathing down my neck.

A loud metallic clang stopped Mathias' shouting. Part of the fence had been cut down, and that distracted everyone from Berwald and Tino, at least. I looked back at the two, and Tino had stopped struggling, at least. On closer inspection, it looked like Berwald had sunk his teeth into Tino's neck. Even better, once Berwald had moved over I could see that Berwald had undone the top three buttons of Tino's shirt, after removing that funny little bow tie. And with Tino's face all relaxed all of a sudden, it looked even pervier than yesterday.

Hm. Whatever works, I guess...

* * *

Tino, now with normally-coloured eyes again since the second contact had vanished, and having tidied himself up a bit, was made to carry on with being filmed. Which essentially meant more cheesy dialogue and more stupid poses. So what did we bring these three _fools_ along for?

Well, those three and Mathias disappeared off somewhere for a while. Great. Time to talk to Berwald.

'...m'sorry. High-frequency m'lecular cutter.' He showed us his hand again. Instead of the burn marks we had yesterday, there was a series of lines crossing over each other. That explains how the fence was cut at an angle like that, I suppose...

'Hmm, looks like a monofilament attack.' Oh, _good_, Eirikur's talking technical.

Berwald's hand healed over. I almost forgot he could do that. Key word here being 'almost'.

'Ei... I-I'm sorry!' It's not like you could help it, Tino... 'But... uh... what did you inject me with this time?'

'...' Was that a slight... _blush?_ From _Berwald?_ '...altered th'phase 'f your dimensional cycles... force field 'round your body, alters gravitational waves...'

Nope, I don't get it either.

'Ah, I understand.' Well, lucky you, Eirikur. 'It's fine for the time being, then. As for the fence, the others think it's just really old. Looks like it was the only thing damaged.'

'That's _great_, but if we keep filming someone's going to get killed. Probably me.'

'Norge, we can't stop filming. What do you think Mathias would do if we even _suggested_ it?'

'I don't care.'

'He's not exactly going to be smiles and laughter, is he? Which means closed space and Celestials. Mathias is having fun right now. He can't help himself. Like I said yesterday, he's effectively directing reality.'

Selfish as ever... 'Either way, it's a bad ending for us.'

'_Look_, we've got a choice.' Eirikur sounded as though he was starting to get irritated with me... well, excuse me, sailor. 'Either we finish the shoot, or Mathias gets pissed off.'

'So you'd rather Tino turned into some kind of superhuman?'

'Then _you'd_ rather have the world destroyed by Celestials? _Perspective_, Norge!'

'Ok, here's an idea. Let's just knock the idiot out and wake him up after the festival's over.'

'Are _you_ willing to take responsibility? I'm certainly not!'

'Argh...' I _hate_ it when he talks sense. 'Ok, maybe not. But still, I can't just sit back and let all this happen!'

'U-um...' Tino? 'I don't want you worrying about me... I'll get through it, ok? Ahaha...' Oh, that little smile. So _cute_.

Right. If Tino can get through this, we all can.

* * *

'Ok, these are the characters you three are playing!' Mathias and the others had returned. I think they were getting snacks. How come _they're_ allowed to eat? If we tried to go get food, we'd be hung, drawn and quartered...

wait,_ what?_ 'Bystanders that have been turned into Eirikur's puppets'? What's he trying to do now?

'Here's how it goes! Tino doesn't want to hurt innocent bystanders, so Eirikur uses his powers to get you guys to attack him! Since Tino won't hurt you, he gets beaten up!'

'E-eh?' Tino hid behind Berwald's arm. I don't blame you. Just _why?_

'Hahahaha! Tino's gonna be beaten up!' Gilbert seems to be getting a little _too_ into this...

'So to start with, you're going to throw Tino into the lake!'

Throw him in the _lake?_ Are you _serious?_ It doesn't look like it's been cleared for _months!_ Just looking at all the rubbish in there makes me feel sick...

'Wait, so you, like, want us to throw him in there? Sure, the water might be warm, but it's totally cold out!' Wow, Feliks, you're actually talking a lot of sense today! Something wrong with you?

'C-couldn't we do this in a pool?' Tino asked, although I think he knew the answer to that one. Mathias is stubborn.

'Realism, Tino, realism! Nobody said this was going to be easy, so just deal with it! It's a big step up for you! Now, get ready!'

Argh, this has gone far enough! 'Hang on-'

A hand appeared on my shoulder. I turned to see who it was, and Eirikur shook his head at me. What, he's going to let this happen?

'O-ok... I'll do it...' I looked back over at Tino... I'm so sorry.

'Yeah! That's it, Tino! That's why I picked you to be a brigade member!' No, it _isn't_. If I remember correctly, you grabbed him because he was standing around looking cute.

Well, nothing we can do about it now, I guess... Once the camera was ready, Gilbert, Feliks and Toris picked Tino up, and on Mathias' count threw him straight into the lake. Rest in peace, Tino...

As part of the scene, Berwald was to pull Tino out of the lake. Which he did in his usual emotionless, silent manner. I'd hardly call this entertainment of any sort.

And oh, did I mention? We've got enough crap here to fill three and a half charity shops, but we don't have something as simple as a towel.

'Hmm... this could work for the scene where Berwald and Tino meet! There's awkwardness between them in there already!'

...Uh, nope, I only see awkwardness on Berwald's part. And that's pretty much him just being himself.

'Ok, we're moving to the next scene! Berwald's gonna pick Tino up and carry him back to his house!'

_What?_ 'Oh, come on! That makes no sense whatsoever! What happened to Eirikur and his minions? You're just going to confuse the audience!'

'Nor, shut up! The audience is going to be wrapped up in the story, not nitpicking every detail!'

_Lies!_ You just want to see Tino thrown in the lake!

'Oh, my house isn't too far from here! Tino looks frozen, so could he get changed there?' Gilbert, you're a lifesaver.

'Sure! That could work for the next scene, too! It's perfect for them getting friendly with each other!'

'Hahaha, go ahead!'

'What would you like_ us_ to do?' Toris asked. It's a fair question, all they've done so far is throw poor Tino in the lake...

'Oh, I'm done with you. You can go.'

'Wha?' Looks like you two have been sacked. Good to know Mathias treats his classmates like disposable toothbrushes... not sure why toothbrushes, but disposable, certainly. Still, at least they're actually allowed to leave Mathias' presence...

* * *

'Ta-daaaaaah! Awesome, huh?' We finally arrived at Gilbert's house... and _damn_, was it huge. How many people would you have to murder to own somewhere like this?

Gilbert showed us inside. It looked just as big inside, too... makes my house look like a garden shed. Actually, no. More like a dolls' house.

'Ok, so this room belongs to the awesome me! I'll let you stay in here while Tino gets changed!' How very _kind_ of you, Gilbert...

Mathias was too busy scanning the room. 'This location's perfect! Oh, hej, Gilbert? I wanted to ask...' He whispered something into Gilbert's ear.

'Dahahaha! Sure thing, I'll get to it!' And with that, he left, laughing like a hyena... or rather, making a noise like a hyena. Hyenas don't actually laugh.

I'm worried.

Gilbert soon returned with drinks for everyone. Looked like it was just a glass of milk for all of us.

'Um, sorry I took so long...' Tino returned, wearing... a long shirt, and not much more. It was much too big for him. Still... absolutely _adorable_. He came over to sit with Berwald and me.

'Ok! Drink up, everyone!' Gilbert brought round the tray with the milk on it.

'Ah, kiitos.' Tino took the one closest to him. There was a little table in the middle of us, so Gilbert put mine and Berwald's drinks down on that.

'Takk.'

* * *

Once everyone had finished their drinks, we started filming again. This never-ending cycle... start filming, chaotic event, stop filming, RAGE, carry on filming... ok, what's going to go wrong _this_ time?

Well, the scene we were filming next began with Berwald carrying a pretending-to-be-unconscious Tino in from. For some convenient reason, there's a bed all set up.

'Go, Tino! Start waking up!' Mathias spoke with a normal volume for once, but it was still amplified by the megaphone thing. Tino stirred slightly.

'...'wake now?' Berwald asked. Tino sat up slowly. Something seemed... off, somehow.

'J... joo... where am I..?' _That's_ what was off. For someone who was so awful at acting earlier, Tino was doing a suspiciously good job.

'...m'room.'

'Uh... thanks for taking care of me...' Actually... was this even acting?

'Bring your faces closer!' Mathias was still issuing orders... 'Tino, close your eyes! Berwald, arm around him!' Both of them did as they were told. 'Now, in for the kiss!'

I continued filming as their faces got closer and closer... and we were supposed to be showing this at school? No chance in hell. It's too damaging for all of us.

'Hei, Mathias.' My voice startled Berwald, who froze in that position but opened his eyes and stared at me. 'Why is this scene happening?'

'It's a love scene, of course. To pad out screen time, ok?'

'Are we shooting for the late-night slot? This can't get shown at _school!_ You're going to get a ton of hate mail, you know that?'

'Mm, hahaha! Tino, you're so weird!' Normally I'd disagree with Gilbert on that point, but he is acting weird. Cheeks flushed, eyes like he's not really with it... it looks like he'd let Berwald do whatever he wanted. This is most definitely not funny.

'Hei... Berwald... my head feels heavy...' I mean, it's like he's been drugged or something- _wait a second!_ _That's_ why Gilbert was handing drinks around! I gave Gilbert a death glare.

'_Sorry!_ Mathias' orders, I put vodka in his drink, ok? I was told it'd help him act better!'

'You did _what?_ Mathias, you can't just go telling people to spike other people's drinks!'

'Nor, look at him! He's perfect for the scene! Ignore him, Berwald, just kiss him!'

'Berwald, _don't_.' Mathias turned to glare straight at me. Berwald said nothing, just set Tino down to sleep and stood himself up.

'Oh, come _on_, Tino.' Mathias walked over and sat on the edge of Tino's bed. 'How'd you manage to get so hammered on vodka? I thought you were better than that! We've been out drinking before, and you never got like_ this_...' It's probably the fact that we've been going almost non-stop for the last few days! The poor guy's _exhausted_, can't you just leave him? 'Snap out of it!' Mathias whacked Tino over the head with the megaphone. This was going _beyond_ way too far!

'_Stop that_.' He looked at me, annoyance in his eyes. I think something had been building in me for a while now... and as a wise man once said, every man has an igniter. Even the ones that seem ice-cold. Now this_ idiot_ had gone and lit it. 'How the _hell_ is that going to help? How is _any_ of this going to fit in the movie?'

'I don't have to tell _you_ that!'

'You won't tell me because you don't know! You're making this up as you go along! Stop making excuses!'

Now I'd got him angry. '_Grr_... You don't even know what this movie's about! Don't make selfish demands like that!'

'_You're_ the one being selfish! You're just hitting Tino because you want to! You're ordering us around like slaves!'

'I'm the brigade leader, I can do what I like!'

'No, you _can't!_ Tino's not your toy, none of us are!'

'Shut _up_, Norge! I can treat him like a toy if I want to!'

'_You_, Mathias.' I could feel a rage I hadn't felt before, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to punch that _stupid_ face of his. 'Are so. Damned. _Annoying!_' I made straight for him-

Someone grabbed my wrist, stopping me. Eirikur. _Again._

'Wha... What the hell, Norge? You're supposed to just listen to me and do what I say!'

'_Exactly!_ What if I don't want to?'

'Then _get out!_' ...out? Mathias was telling_ me_ to... _argh_, let _go_ of me, Eirikur! If he can't listen he _deserves_ to be punched! If he can't learn to listen, he'll never get anywhere!

'S-stop it...' Huh? Tino? 'Stop fighting... or... uhhh... never mind... it's classified...' He slumped back down into bed, out cold for good this time.

Eirikur still had my wrist in a firm grip. Didn't look like he was going to let go. Mathias took one look at me, fury in his eyes, and stormed out. I was half-expecting _him_ to start hitting me...

Did I maybe go a little far? Not in my opinion. He deserved everything I would have done if I'd been allowed to.

* * *

A/N: Chapter 40! Celebrate! Also, this is the second arc where part seven involves violence. Sorta. Coincidence? [I know for a fact that it's always the quiet ones that cause most damage...]

Long chapter is long! Longest chapter yet, certainly. Still, it should keep you going while I'm in Germany, nei?

Next chapter, Mathias is not happy. And Norge's got to deal with it.

Until next time, tschüss~


	41. Sigh VIII

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler VIII - In Which The World Is Kinda Saved, But Not Really

* * *

Looks like filming's over for the day. Hardly surprising when your director leaves in such a fashion.

'Sorry, Norge... Got carried away.' You don't say... I know you're only following that _idiot's_ orders, Gilbert, but still... 'Don't worry about Tino! Berwald and I are looking after him!'

Berwald? Yeah, Tino'll be fine.

I probably ought to make my own way home, then... trouble is, now I've got Eirikur following me. Why can't he leave me_ alone?_

'The_ hell_ were you thinking, Norge? I thought you were more rational than that.' _Argh_. Just be quiet, will you? 'Well, there's no closed space, at least.'

'Great. Less work for you.'

'As a matter of fact, yes.'

'Well, isn't that just_ wonderful_. Eirikur's got a bit less work to do. Never mind _me_. Now why the _hell_ did you hold me back?'

'Because if I hadn't, closed space would have been created for sure.'

'Oh, yeah, forgot. God forbid you might actually have to _do_ something rather than just stand there and agree with everything that _moron_ says. Now I see why Mathias cast _you_ as the villain.'

'You're in a _really_ bad mood, aren't you?'

'Well observed, _genius_.'

'Then I suppose a short trip is out of the question. There's somewhere I'd like you to see.'

'I don't care.' Eirikur had stopped walking. I didn't feel like talking to him, so I continued.

'It won't take too long.'

'I _said_ I don't care.'

'_Hey_, come on, ya punk! The taxi's already here!' Taxi? Whoops, forgot. Eirikur has magical taxi-summoning skills. And oh,_ great_, that puffin's found its voice again.

Doesn't look like I have much of a choice, now. May as well humour him.

* * *

The taxi took us to a very familiar location. That fountain that belonged to the Chinese guy. Hope he doesn't recognise us.

'Remember what Mathias said yesterday?'

'How am I supposed to remember everything that comes out of his _stupid_ mouth?'

'Then perhaps this will jog your memory.' We stopped in front of the fountain. Then it hit me what Eirikur was talking about. Mathias wanted pigeons... _white_ pigeons.

And pecking at the ground around the fountain this evening? White pigeons.

'I think they've been like that since this morning.' What, did you come out here and check?

'Did someone come and paint them all?'

'Nope. Their feathers are naturally white.' _Ugh_. Somehow I can see where this is going.

'Maybe Mathias scared the colour out of their feathers with his gunshots.'

'Not exactly, but Mathias is the cause.' Thought so...

'Typical.'

'Indeed. Here's my perspective. Mathias is special, the results of that are all around us. But at some point he was given these powers by someone or something else. He's human, not divine.'

Talk about a U-turn... 'Hei, weren't you calling Mathias God a few months ago?'

'Really? Did I say that?'

'Yes, you _did_. Stop trying to mess with me or I'll punch _you_ instead.'

'Feeling particularly violent, are we? I was joking around.'

'It didn't _sound_ like it.'

'Whatever. Mathias can both create and destroy the world around us. Maybe we're stopping the world from running as smoothly as it can by preventing Mathias from changing it.'

'Ok, now you're just talking gibberish again. What does that actually _mean_?'

'It means, _Norge_, we're in a lot of trouble.' By now, Eirikur was glaring at me. 'If Mathias goes ahead and creates this perfect world, is there any need for us and our abilities? Or are we just glitches in the program?'

'Eirikur, make your mind up. _Do_ you want Mathias to rewrite the world, or _don't_ you?'

'Not really. Despite its faults, I like the world how it is. The world's been built from scratch by countless people over thousands of years. That's why I try to sort out Mathias and the situations we get stuck in.'

'Do you think the world is worth all that trouble?'

'Oh? I thought you of all people would think it was. Why else would you have come back from closed space with Mathias that time?' Don't _remind_ me...

'Who knows? I don't.' Eirikur's attitude to all this was starting to piss me off...

'Hmm.' I stared at the fountain for a while. With the sun setting, the light reflecting off the water looked really pretty... not that _that_ made me feel much better. 'I'm sorry. Made it sound like we were the protectors of the world.'

Actually... that's a pretty accurate job description. Not sure my shoulders can handle the weight of the world, though.

* * *

I can't say I slept too well that night. Going back to school the next day after Eirikur's second bout of taxi-aided-kidnapping seemed like a real drag. What's worse is that I bumped into said Icelandic esper while I was at my lockers that morning... and it looked like he had something to say. I didn't really want to listen, but I went along with it.

'Looks like Mathias is too busy being depressed to be angry.'

Hmm, that's surprising. 'Why's that?'

'You don't know? For someone we rely on so often, you're awfully _thick_.' Gee, takk. _Just_ what I need to hear first thing in the morning. 'Mathias thought that _you'd_ be the one person always by his side. Sure, you complain a lot, but you'd forgive him.'

'_Pfft_. Only some kind of saint could forgive him at the moment, and I assure you I'm anything but.'

'Well, could you at least try saying something to him? We don't want him getting too depressed. Closed space would be created for sure, or something even worse.'

'What, you want me to go cheer Mathias up?' What am I, his babysitter?

'Just get back together. Kiss and make up, as it were.'

Back to _this_ again? _Ugh_. 'That's where you're wrong, Eirikur. Mathias and I were never _together_ at all.'

'Hmph. Thought you would have cooled off by now. Looks like I was wrong.'

See, the reason I got so angry yesterday was because I couldn't stand seeing Tino abused like that... well, ok, that's not the only reason. Still, I did something I haven't done for a while to try and calm myself - I got my old violin out. I used to be pretty good at it, but I'm a bit out of practice now. Maybe I should get back into it... perhaps after filming's finished.

Mathias had his head down on the desk for pretty much the entire morning. It'd been a pretty long time since I'd seen him quite this down. So without him bothering me, I ended up staring aimlessly out of the window.

Actually, I kinda miss the bothering a little. Maybe.

...Nah.

* * *

'A movie? That's totally _lame_!' Speaking of bothering, Feliks was being _particularly_ irritating that lunchtime.

'Ignore him, Norge. He just wanted to spend some time with you guys.' Luckily, Toris seemed to be on my side... for _once_. 'He even cancelled his plans for the day.'

'_Hey_! Like, don't go telling him that! So yah, you can totally forget about me helping with any of your _stupid_ projects and stuff! Nobody's gonna watch that movie anyway!'

'You're the _last_ person I want to hear that from.' No matter how true it may be. At least Mathias is _doing_ something for the festival! Who cares if it's stupid? What are _you_ doing, Feliks? Sitting there complaining. Really pisses me off, that does.

...Why am I so angry about all this, though? I doubt it's because I've suddenly found a passion for making movies...

'Norge? Is something wrong?' Yeah, Toris. Plenty's wrong. 'Mathias looked upset too. Did... something happen?'

'Like, lovers' quarrel or something. Whatever.' Oh, shut the hell up! Hmph, fine. I'll take it out on my food. Die, sandwich, _die_!

...I get it now. Now I've realised why Feliks pisses me off. I do what Mathias tells me to do and then go and complain about it. I'm no better than _he_ is!

_Dammit_! You Polish bastard, you... Now you've got me really annoyed. And now I'm about to do something I know I'll regret. Damn you, Feliks. Damn you.

Having left those morons in the classroom, I headed straight for the one place I know I'll find who I'm looking for. It's halfway across the school, so I had plenty of time to think of something to say. And sure enough, when I got to the SOS Brigade clubroom, Mathias Køhler was sitting there in his usual chair at the computer, staring out of the window. He didn't flinch when I entered. Must be really depressed if he's not reacting to my presence.

'...Mathias?' Still no response. I approached him, but he didn't even _look_ at me. 'Mathias, about yesterday-'

'I told you to get _out_.' He cut me off. That was _rather_ unexpected, to say the least.

'So you did.' On the other hand, I know this tactic. Simple intimidation, and I'm _not_ falling for it.

'Well?'

'Well _what_?'

'Aren't you going?'

'Nei. I just got here. Why would I leave so quickly?'

Mathias swivelled around in his chair to look at me. Oh, those _eyes_... 'Don't you want to leave?'

'Do you _want_ me to go?' I highly doubt that you do.

'Uh... nej, I guess not.'

'There's your answer then. We've got a movie to finish. And it's going to be _awesome_.' ...I didn't actually think that, but I had a depressed Dane to cheer up. And surprisingly, it seemed to work.

I was right in front of him by this point... in the perfect place for him to stand up out of his chair and pull me into a hug. Which is exactly what he did.

'Tak, Nor. Tak. Let's make this the most awesome movie ever, nej?'

If his head hadn't been buried in my shoulder at that point, he may even have seen a small smile on my face- just a _small_ one, of course. Tiny. Blink and you miss it. _Minute_. Get it?

_Good_.

* * *

'You _idiot_.' Of course, nothing's good enough for Eirikur. 'You could have picked a better way to say it.'

'Well, _sorry_.' I'm sure you could have done it fifty-seven times better, couldn't you?

'Now not only is he back to his usual self, but he's more powerful than ever.'

'I _said_ sorry. It seemed like the right way to do things at the time, ok?'

'Já, and thanks to your 'right way to do things', we're not going to be able to cover this up for much longer.'

...I should probably explain. After I went and cheered Mathias up, he quickly dragged us all back into filming again. And now? There were trees in bloom everywhere. In the middle of _autumn_. Great work, Mathias. You've messed up the seasons.

So... I'm back to being the workbitch. I really am an _idiot_ sometimes.

'Can you believe it? I was just thinking how I'd love to get a scene in blossoms!' It's startling just how quickly Mathias recovered. And _slightly_ scary. 'Hej, I know what we need! We need a dog!'

'A... dog? Why?'

'Nothing says family bonding like keeping a dog! Ya know, Berwald and Tino make such an adorable couple that we just have to get some scenes like that in!'

'Wasn't Berwald meant to be playing an _alien_?' ...A role he'd play very well, for obvious reasons.

'Details, details, whatever. Let's go find a dog!'

...And off we went. Let the SOS Brigade's Great Dog Hunt begin.

Hmm. How badly is Mathias going to screw things up now?

* * *

A/N: I'm baaaack~ I'd say Germany was awesome, but I'm not allowed since 'awesome' is reserved for the east half, and I was very much in Ludwig's domain. ...Who cares. It was awesome.

If all else fails, fill it with fluff. Maybe. Oh, Norge, so tsundereeee~

Next chapter, a wild dog appears! Hmm, I wonder who it could be?

Until next time, vertu sael~


	42. Sigh IX

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler IX - In Which A Dog Is Found And People Disagree

* * *

Mathias took us to a spot Berwald mentioned behind his apartment where he'd seen dogs once or twice. Well, it's not really worth going anywhere special. If Mathias wants a dog, then a dog he will get.

'Hei, Mathias. What sort of dog are you looking for exactly?' I asked.

'Oh, I dunno. Something cute to go with those two.' He started searching around the place. 'Hej! This one looks good!'

Looks like he found one. See? The world obeys Mathias. It's so _irritating_. Although I will admit the particular dog he'd found was_ really_ cute. He gave the dog to Tino. Who had recovered from yesterday's little..._ incident_ without any major psychological damage.

'Here, Tino, you take it! You're gonna be filming with it, so you can give it a name!' Oh, so Tino gets to name it? Interesting.

'Hmm... Bloody Flower-Egg?' Wait, _what?_ Where on earth did _that_ come from? What kind of weird person names their dog 'Bloody Flower-Egg'?

...Apart from Tino, of course. Didn't know he could be so... _out there_. Maybe that's how they name things in the future. And why 'bloody', anyway? Is it a British dog or something?

'That's an awesome name!' And off goes Mathias, off to join Tino out there in cloudcuckooland. I wonder, could cuckoos actually sit on clouds? I mean, clouds are just water, aren't they? But they look so fluffy... just like the dog, actually. Whoops, sorry, I mean Bloody Flower-Egg.

Mathias decided that spot was as good as any to continue filming. Screw continuity. It was essentially more of Eirikur vs. Tino, and one or two scenes with Berwald and Tino that I think are going into the 'falling in love' montage.

'Hej, wouldn't it be cool if the dog could talk?' Oh,_ nei_... Here we go again... 'Maybe the dog could make snide remarks! I mean, we've gotta make people laugh, nej?'

Idiot. Why do you need the _dog_ to make snide remarks? That's _my_ job! And... occasionally Eirikur, but mostly me!

Oh, _please_, don't talk...

Filming continued for a while, but by the time the sun had started to set Mathias decided we'd got enough stuff for the day. He ordered me to take care of the dog, despite the fact that Tino and Berwald would be the ones filming with it... eh, I'll just give it to my brother. He'd love a dog.

'Ok, we're done for the day! Get some rest and we'll be shooting the big climax tomorrow!' And with that, Mathias left, da-da-dam-ing a tune. Ok, this is ridiculous. Is there even a _word_ for doing that? Seriously, language can be so awkward sometimes!

The rest of the Brigade all sighed in relief. Mathias is a hard taskmaster.

'Good job today,' I said to the dog. 'I'll get you some dog food later. Maybe some trout.'

'Either's fine with me!' Ok- ..._wait a second_.

'Huh?' Uh-oh. Even _Berwald_ reacted to that, albeit just slightly. That's a decidedly feminine voice, and none of us here are female... despite Tino's orders to crossdress while in the clubroom. Did the dog... _talk? Dammit_, Mathias!

'...What? Did I say something wrong?' the dog continued.

'Yeah. You're _talking_.'

'Well, aren't _you_ just charming?' Why, _takk_. That's me, ever the charmer. 'And you, Tino, was it?'

'U-uh?'

'What's with the name you're giving me? Bloody Flower-Egg? _Please_. At the very least drop the 'bloody'. I suppose you could maybe call me Hanatamago... although I'd prefer a normal-'

'Hanatamago sounds great!' At least Tino's happy, I guess. Hanatamago, huh... 'I never thought I'd see a talking dog!'

'Can someone tell me why everyone's so surprised by me talking?'

'Well, a talking dog isn't exactly an everyday occurence.' That one was Eirikur. Stating the obvious, as usual.

'How do you know? Just because we don't make a point of conversation doesn't make it weird.'

See, this is what hanging around with Mathias does to your life. Right now I'm standing having a conversation with a talking dog, in the company of an alien, a guy from the future dressed as a butler and an esper dressed as a sailor. A few months ago this just wouldn't have been possible. Whether I like it or not is seemingly irrelevant.

* * *

The four of us, along with the newly-named Hanatamago, met at our usual café to discuss the situation further. After all, it's much easier to think after a good mug of coffee. Hanatamago ended up taking a nap in between Tino and me on the seat. That little bundle of white fluff is so _cute_.

'This is bad. We've underestimated Mathias again,' Eirikur began by stating. Yeah, you'd have thought we would have learnt by now... 'If things carry on like this then we'll end up living in the world of Mathias' movie.'

My mind flashed through all the chaos that idiot's brought on us the past few days. Let's think... the two different versions of the Tino beam, the white pigeons, the trees blossoming in autumn, and now Hanatamago. Let's just hope he doesn't want an apocalypse scene...

'Then... what do we do?' Tino asked.

'Somehow we have to stop him using his imagination. He's confusing reality with fiction, and that's _not_ good.'

'Yeah, good luck with that. Once Mathias is on a rampage, it's nigh impossible to stop him.' _I_ get flattened, and people end up picking Norge-pancake off the floor. It's not pleasant.

'He's making it all real through the movie, so we need to convince him that it's all fiction. Then we need to bring this convoluted mess of a plot to some sort of conclusion.'

'Great. How do we explain a talking dog?'

'We don't. If we do, Mathias will take talking dogs as standard, and next thing you know all dogs will be talking. Which is impossible in this world.'

'This coming from an _esper_, which by that logic is also impossible.'

'Good point, Norge.' Yeah, I do make them occasionally. 'Us three wouldn't be here if it weren't for Mathias and his abilities. Hanatamago, too.'

'I said I'd prefer a normal name!' Hanatamago called from under the table. _Oh_, you're not supposed to talk in public!

'You know what? _I_ would too. But apparently, I don't _have_ a name. So just deal with it.' That shut her up. I'm so cruel. 'Anyway, can't we do something about this?'

'Look, if we tell Mathias that talking dogs and Tino beams exist, he's going to change the world.'

'I know _that_. Answer the question for once.'

'Like I said, we need to bring this movie to a conclusion that Mathias will accept.'

'And like _I_ said, good luck with that. What's he going to accept?'

'There's one ending that negates all the crazy stuff happening in the movie and makes it something perfectly logical.'

'Yeah?' Go on. Surprise me.

'Indeed. It's all a dream.'

...cue awkward silence. _That_ was Eirikur's brilliant idea? Mathias won't accept that in eight hundred and thirty-nine years!

'Nei, seriously, that's the ending I was talking about.'

'You think Mathias will agree to_ that?_'

'Always so oppositional, aren't you? I never said it would be easy. But if Mathias believes that, it solves everything.'

'Gosh, how convenient _that_ would be.'

'Indeed.'

Sigh... Eirikur may believe that would solve it, and I might even be inclined to agree with him for once. Mathias, on the other hand, is a completely different ball game.

Why, oh, why, must he be so damned awkward?

Well, since I've been lumbered with Hanatamago, I suppose I ought to get her some food. Luckily for me, the local convenience store had a decent deal on dog food, so I didn't have to break the bank. Hanatamago waited outside while I went and bought the stuff, and I emerged a while later with two boxes. I didn't know how long I'd be keeping her, after all. Then again, if I'm giving her to my brother, then it could be quite long-term...

I headed straight home. Hanatamago followed by my side. Ah, the joy of a sentient dog.

'Ok, if I'm taking you home, there are going to be rules.'

'Which are?'

'No talking in the house. You're a dog, so act like one.'

'What does that mean?'

'If someone says something to you, just say 'woof', got it?'

'Woof.'

'Perfect.'

Thankfully, my brother took a shine to Hanatamago almost immediately. Funny how the closer you get to something cute, the more your speech dissolves into unintelligible gibberish... although it's usually with cats.

* * *

The next day was pretty miserable, with an almost-British level of rain causing the majority of the student population to come in with umbrellas. Myself included, of course. I had to bring Hanatamago to school too, for filming purposes. Although to be honest, I just put her down outside the clubroom building and left her to it. Hei, she's a talking dog. She'll totally be fine- crap, I've been spending too long around Feliks.

_Ahem._

With just a few days to go before the Arts Festival proper, everything was getting busier and busier. Hell, if someone dropped in from another world, I doubt they'd feel out of place. And with some of the costumes people were sporting, and the odd bits of conversation I heard out of context, I had to wonder if some of them hadn't actually ended up here from another world. That would just be typical.

Watching the rain was pretty boring, but I was apparently stuck in the classroom all morning. So it was _almost_ a relief when Gilbert and Tino came and called me out.

By the way, dark corridors are really creepy. Just throwing that out there.

'Moi! A-ah, I wanted to give you this.' Tino handed over... a coupon of some kind? 'It's for our café! You can bring some friends along too, if you like!'

Well, _he's_ certainly cheerful today.

'Oh, takk. I'll make sure I come. Maybe I'll bring those idiots along too.' By which I meant Feliks and Toris, of course. Ok, the label 'idiot' only really applies to Feliks, but it's easier to group them both together. Sorry, Toris.

'_Ja!_ See you there, then! Tschüss!' Gilbert has an incredibly loud voice... Seriously, I'm standing right in front of him. That reminds me, I still owe Tino a medal for not going deaf.

Gilbert and Tino left... well, I _would_ say that, but Tino came back not very long afterwards.

'Oh? Did you want something?' I asked. Well, he looked like he did want something, so it's only polite to ask, nei?

'U-um... well, if I say what I'm about to say, it might sound like I don't trust Eirikur. See... I don't think the same as him. Uh... how to say it... ei, that's classified... um... let's just say we have differing opinions regarding Mathias Køhler.'

'Different opinions? Like what?'

Tino sighed. 'It's clear that Mathias can alter the present, but... I don't think he can change the structure of the whole world. This is the way it's always been.'

'Which is the complete opposite of what Eirikur said.'

'Joo. I'm sure Berwald has a different take on things too.' Not that _his_ version could ever be understood by the common man. Hold on, Gilbert's still hanging around. Is he listening in? Tino's not exactly being quiet... this is _suspicious_. Just how much does he know? 'Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Eirikur as a person, but... you shouldn't believe what he says. Wait, I don't mean like that- I... I can't say too much, and I'm not too good at explaining...'

'I think I get it. You don't think there's any way Mathias could be a god. Which is definitely easier to understand than Eirikur's theories.'

'Ah, kiitos!' Oh, that adorable little smile...

Sounds like Tino's superiors and Eirikur's Agency aren't exactly on the best of terms. There's still one person whose views on Mathias I haven't got yet... if you can call Berwald a _person_.

Off to the clubroom then.

I asked Berwald what he thought of the matter... and like I expected, the answer was less than clear. It made a lot more sense than usual, but still...

'...this's what Tino Väinämöinen believes. Mathias Køhler didn't create th'world as it is, 's always been this way. Time travel, extraterrestrial life and psychic powers're all elements'f reality. Mathias' purpose's to discover'm. His ability t'do so activated three years'go. He can gather th'unusual, but cannot recognise'm. There're elements'n place that stop'm from discovering th'truth.' Berwald stared straight into my eyes. 'That'd be us.'

Hmm, interesting... 'Wait, Mathias never notices _anything_. Do Tino and Eirikur have different reasons for locking him out of the loop?'

'...mm. Tino's sent back to protect th'time plane where he's from.' I _think_ he said something important just now, but he's talking like it's no big deal. Aliens, eh? 'Tino and Eirikur'll never agree. Any theory tha'contradicts their own negates their existence.'

'Hold on, Eirikur told me he didn't get his esper powers until three years ago. What's_ that_ all about?'

'No evidence that's true.' Huh? So Eirikur's a big fat liar? Suddenly it all makes _so_ much more sense. His explanations have always been too convenient... On the other hand, there's no proof Tino's theories are the way things are either. _Argh_, it's so confusing!

'What's your view, then? Who's right, and what was all that stuff you were saying before about auto-evolution?'

'Doesn't matter. No way for you t'determine th'truth.'

Wha- the _heck?_ 'Why not?'

Berwald just stared at me. He's got a very intimidating face... no, I'm_ not_ scared! He closed his book and stood up.

''s no guarantee what I just told you's the truth either,' he stated, as he made his way towards the door of the clubroom. 'Not f'r you, anyway.'

He left.

_What._

I don't get it at all... Berwald and Eirikur need to learn to explain things to me so I might have a chance in hell of understanding.

_Pfft_. Not like _that's_ ever going to happen.

* * *

A/N: Commence Operation Mindfuck! More chance to talk in apostrophes! Also, I'm totally allowed the British jokes.

Chances are, updates are either going to slow down because I'm too busy revising, or speed up because I'm trying to distract myself from said revising. Knowing me, probably the latter...

Next chapter, filming might actually come to a conclusion...

Until next time, adjö~


	43. Sigh X

The Sigh of Mathias Køhler X - In Which A Conclusion Is Reached

* * *

Naturally, the only one that thought filming was going well was Mathias himself. Not like it did much to make _me_ any happier... or Eirikur or Tino. Berwald just had the same blank face as usual, so it's difficult to tell.

And with a happy Mathias, stuff got more and more chaotic. At some point the model guns started firing _water_ bullets rather than pellets, and that combined with Tino's ridiculous aiming skills made Eirikur's lucky escape all the more miraculous. Bloody espers and their good reflexes. Mathias kept bringing different contact lenses for Tino, making him shoot even more dangerous things at me. Things like freaking metal _spikes_. I'd specifically ordered Tino not to look at me if he had a contact lens in, so I didn't _quite_ get skewered, but _damn_, it was close. I swear, Mathias is going to be the death of me. Oh, and with every lens, Berwald bit Tino. Usually on the neck, so he ended up ripping more than one of Tino's silly little bow-ties and tearing the button off his collar. Whoops, I don't mean silly. Bow-ties are cool. And Berwald's surprisingly good with a needle and thread, so the button thing wasn't an issue.

A couple of days after the trees spontaneously burst into bloom, the petals all fell off. The pigeons at the fountain went from being white to being passenger pigeons... which have been extinct for a while now. Correct me if I'm wrong. And even the seasons had gone crazy.

Essentially, with everything that went into the movie, the world got a little more screwed.

After an exhausting two more days of filming - so much for the big climax Mathias mentioned - I was lying on my bed watching TV with Hanatamago. She'd mostly kept to the rules about not talking in the house, except once or twice when she was holed up in my room. Oh, and even _she_ was calling me Norge. I can't shake this nickname off anywhere I go.

It was kinda lucky the TV program wasn't anything particularly interesting, because I was rudely interrupted by my brother calling me.

'Norge! Your friend's here!' Who, Mathias? Wait, _nei_, uh... best to go see.

Friend? What _friend?_ All I see is Eirikur.

'Hallo.'

And with that incredibly short greeting, Eirikur took me for a walk. The darkness made it a little difficult to see, but with Eirikur's white hair following him was no problem at all. And thankfully, the puffin wasn't there. We ended up standing on a random bridge somewhere, watching the road below. It was pretty boring. It's night, there was nobody on the road except the occasional delivery van.

'Seems clear to me that Mathias doesn't care about plot. I don't think he even has an ending planned yet. If we don't do something, the film's going to end unfinished.'

You're telling _me_... I'm the one that's got to make something coherent out of this jumble. 'That's a problem, no doubt.'

'Indeed.' Eirikur leant forwards, resting his head on his arms. 'I've been meaning to mention this for a while, but my Agency and Tino's organisation aren't the only ones with theories about Mathias and his abilities. There have been countless bloody battles behind the scenes. Several groups effectively at war with each other... not that it has anything to do with you or Mathias directly. Don't bother yourself with it, and I'd much prefer if Mathias didn't find out either. I don't want to do anything that might cause him pain... he has a lovable character- as do you, of course.' Gosh, how _sweet_ of you. I think I might cry.

'Is there any reason you dragged me out here to tell me this?'

'Not especially. It's not important anyway... and to be honest, not much fun to talk about.'

'Simple solution? Don't talk about it. It's certainly not fun.'

Eirikur sighed. 'There's something else that won't be fun either. Tino. Why do you think he's a part of our group? The real reason, I mean.'

I dunno, because Mathias picked him out? Because he's cute? 'I don't know. Enlighten me.'

'To win you over. _You're_ the only one Mathias listens to at all.' Well, unless he wants to listen to you sucking up to him... 'He's got the cute face, the cheerful personality... and he lets Mathias walk all over him. He's creating himself a character that makes _you_ in particular want to protect him.'

'Oh, shut up. Your jokes aren't funny.'

'Joke, is it? Interesting... sorry, my class play along with Mathias' film are starting to get to me. If closed space appeared as well... I'd probably pass out. So here's a request for you, Norge. Stop all the strange phenomena that have been caused by Mathias' movie.' Wait, he's passing it all to _me?_ Who does he think I am?

'You want me to convince Mathias that his precious movie's all fictional, right?'

'Precisely. It'll only work if he believes it. Before we finish the movie.' Eirikur turned and began to walk away, then stopped and looked back at me. 'We're all counting on you.'

What's with him? Seriously? He's leaving me on a bridge somewhere after making me responsible for everything? Did I _eat_ him in a past life or something?

Still, it's not like I can just ignore everything. Argh, this is so _annoying!_ Reality's real. Fiction isn't. Why is that so difficult to understand?

Oh, wait, it's Mathias.

Eirikur suggested it all being a dream, but there's no way Mathias will accept that. There has to be something. Think, idiot, think! Concepts, let's go back to basics. There's one big point that hasn't been used as far as I can see.

I think I may have an idea.

* * *

I found Mathias the next day and put forward my idea. And, after a little persuasion, and a little more strangulation, he bought it. Mission accomplished!

With my utterly brilliant idea, we were now only 'a couple of shots away from finishing', according to Mathias. My brilliant idea? The final battle between Eirikur and Tino awakens Berwald's super alien powers, and with a bottle of deus ex machina and more than a hint of mind screw, we've cooked up an ending to this crazy movie. Also, blasting Eirikur away gave me more than a little satisfaction.

And at long last, we had all the footage we apparently needed. Oh, the relief!

'We're done then.' Hm? Oh. Just Eirikur. 'Feels like it ended quickly, doesn't it?'

'Not in the slightest.'

'Eh, suit yourself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a play to practise.'

...Frigid as ever.

'Oh, and Norge?' What now? I thought you had a play to practise. 'The Agency is grateful to you... as am I. Takk fyrir.'

Was that... something vaguely resembling a smile? Whatever it was, Eirikur quickly turned his head away.

Come to think of it, on the one side there's Mathias and his boundless energy. On the other there's Berwald and his apparent emotionlessness, Eirikur who's just cold, and me. I guess Mathias needs all three of us to balance things out... Tino would be somewhere down the middle, I think.

To be honest, until we'd finished filming, I didn't have one iota of a clue what kind of film Mathias was making. And I doubt it needs mentioning, but there was nowhere near enough time to get all the visual effects done- not that I could do anything like that anyway. I mean, the festival itself was the next day. Suffice it to say Mathias was most displeased.

'We can't show this until the effects are done! Figure it out!'

'The festival's tomorrow.' No amount of coffee's going to get me through _this_.

'Then work through the night! All night if you have to!' Mathias crouched down next to the seat at the computer. 'I'll stay too and help you out.'

I'd say that was unusually sweet of him, but his help, though well-intentioned, was more of a hindrance. It mostly consisted of whacking me over the head with that stupid megaphone thing and yelling at me... and by about half past two in the morning, he was sound asleep on the desk.

...actually, it was quite cute- _idiot!_ Get this stupid movie finished!

It didn't work though... I kinda fell asleep too. Keyboards don't make very good pillows, but I was utterly shattered.

* * *

'Nor?' Huh... wha... don't want to get up yet... 'Nor, get up!' A sharp blow to the back of my head dragged me kicking and screaming from the realms of sleep. Mathias unceremoniously pulled the computer chair, me still half-asleep sitting on it, away from the computer to see what he thought I'd been doing. Feh. There wasn't any point in staying overnight... it's nowhere near finished-

'Hej, Nor, good job!' Wait, what? Well, there it was on the screen in front of me. One sorta-completed movie. My head still hurt from being hit, so I don't think I was dreaming... so someone must have snuck in and finished it while I was still asleep. Most likely Berwald. Maybe Eirikur. Tino? No chance. Unless it's someone who hasn't shown up yet, in which case that's both stalkerish and really creepy.

Either that or it's Mathias _wishing_ for a finished movie...

'I'm surprised! Ya did a great job, considering it was all last-minute!' Mathias wheeled me back in front of the computer... and put his arms around me from behind. It... wasn't unpleasant, actually. I guess it's just nice to be acknowledged once in a while.

The door opened, and in walked Eirikur.

'Hei, how did it- oh? Something you're not telling us? I hope you two didn't stay up _too_ late...' Argh, _dammit,_ Eirikur! _Always_ walking in and getting the wrong idea! I grabbed hold of Mathias' tie and pulled him off me. So _annoying_.

'Aww, Nor! I was getting comfortable down there!' Mathias, _nei_. Just nei. He stood up and dusted himself off. 'Anyway, hej, Eirikur!'

Tino was the next to walk in, closely followed by Berwald.

'Good morning everyone! Guess what we've got for you!' Mathias cheerfully announced.

'A well-earned rest?' Because I really need one now... someone bring me a coffee...

'Nej, we've got a spectacle! Made with blood, sweat and tears!'

'Ah, you finished it? Well done!' Takk, Tino.

'Ja, you bet! Now, Tino, make us some coffees, we're going to watch it together!'

And watch it together we did. Mathias seemed insistent that he rest his head on top of mine... I figured there was little point protesting and just let him. At least _he's_ comfortable.

We emerged from the clubroom a while later, movie in hand, ready to show it to the school. The Arts Festival had begun. At long last, there was nothing more for me to do. All the fears we had about reality being rewritten? All gone. I knew that when Hanatamago stopped talking altogether. And now she's got an actual dog's voice? Her bark is so _adorable_.

I'd also managed to convince Mathias to put a narration over the credits. You know, just to be on the safe side. After all, what better way to make him believe that it really was just a work of fiction than to make him say it out loud?

And now to enjoy the rest of the day. I've got Tino's café to attend too. I may go see Eirikur's play if I can be bothered. And I'm sure there's plenty of other stuff to keep me occupied.

So... let the Arts Festival begin.

* * *

A/N: It's done! Yay! Ridiculously quick update, but hey, it's the weekend, parents are out, and I don't want to revise. I've got a day off tomorrow thanks to bank holidays, so I can get some work done then. Otherwise I'll be reliving the past two weeks again and again- wait, now who's confusing reality with fiction? *shot'd*

There was an extra bit at the end of the anime episode, but I'll be saving that for an omake for when I get stuck on something...

Next chapter will be the result of the Brigade's hard work over the past ten chapters! Introducing... The Adventures of Tino Väinämöinen!

Until next time, farvel~


	44. Adventures I

The Adventures of Tino Väinämöinen I - Some Sort of Introduction, Maybe

* * *

We open our wonderful movie with a series of seemingly-random pieces of footage from later on, along with some credits. I've been put down as 'Chore Boy'. What kind of nonsense is this, Mathias? Oh, and that idiot still hasn't noticed that the logo he designed has been changed. It's currently backwards to avoid ripping a hole in the universe or something...

A-ahem. I ought to get on with the narration. But before that, here's a view of a busy road. What better way to start a movie? Oh, and pigeons. Everyone loves pigeons.

Sorry! I'll get to it! Now, to try and make something coherent out of this _mess_...

* * *

This is Tino Väinämöinen. He may look like a normal, cheerful and incredibly cute Finnish guy... but actually, he's a combat butler from the future. Don't ask why he's from the future, or why he's a butler, I'm sure that will get explained later. Well, it probably _won't_, but let's just get on with the story. After all, it's just minor details that need to get shoved down your throat, nei?

Now, you may be wondering why he's currently dressed as a bunny and holding a sign. See, he may be a combat butler from the future, but he's also got a part-time job attracting customers to this grocery store. Just look at the way he shouts about how cheap vegetables are today. Isn't he just _adorable?_

Ah, here come some customers!

'Oh, the cabbage is cheap today. We should buy some,' says the first, in a rather dull, monotonous tone.

'Yes. We should definitely buy some,' says the second, in much the same tone. Tino's advertising has some hypnotic power, maybe?

And here comes the store's owner! He's a pretty jolly guy, but his hair's a_ complete_ mess. Stray curls everywhere... but if those are the curls I'm thinking of, then I feel sorry for the guy.

'Salve, Tino! I see you're working hard today!'

'Joo, I'm trying my best!' Tino responds with enthusiasm, wearing an outfit that screams 'trying too hard'... but the cabbage sold out in record time, so it's all for the best.

'You worked hard today, Tino! Here, take this! It's not much, but you can have it!' The store owner, now closing time has rolled around, hands Tino a small brown envelope.

'O-oh, I'm sure it's more than enough! This is all I can do, so kiitos!' Tino stores the envelope in a pocket somewhere. 'I have to head off now, I need to get to the butcher's right away! Moi moi!' And with that, Tino bounds off to his next location.

Tino had become some kind of mascot for the local retailers, and everyone in the neighbourhood loved him. You can do it, Tino! Herd in the customers away from that convenience store that opened last year! And this is totally _not_ blatant product placement!

Unfortunately, none of this has anything to do with the story. Not that _anyone_ thought it did.

* * *

Anyway, back to something vaguely plot-related... if you can call it a plot. Right. Tino's actually a combat butler from the future. I _think_ I mentioned that? He was sent back in time to watch over a certain someone and make sure no harm came to them. That someone's name? Berwald Oxenstierna.

Looking at him, you'd think he was your average glasses-toting, slightly scary-looking Swedish high-school student, but although he's not aware of it, he's actually an alien. Now, it may seem kinda improbable that someone could be an alien and not know about it, but just go with me on this one. I'm sure some TV programme somewhere has tried to use that plot device. It seems Berwald needs some sort of catalyst to awaken his super-amazing alien powers.

Berwald walks straight past Tino, not even giving him a glance. Tino's just another person on the street, after all, even if he is wearing a bunny butler suit and holding a sign. Oh, poor Tino... it looks like he's got a crush on the guy he's supposed to be watching over... or it could have been a sigh of relief because he saw Berwald was safe. Yeah. We'll go with that.

Tino finishes his other job, which for _some_ reason also requires him to be dressed as a bunny, and goes home to his tiny room at the back of the café. Aww. Someone get the guy some salmiakki. But of course, he can't go straight there, more conversation is required! Here's the café owner himself. He's Spanish, and makes some damn good churros, but he's a _bit_ of a dunce.

Don't tell him I said that.

'Hola, Tino! You seem a bit tired, are you ok?'

'Ahaha, I'm fine, really! There were a lot of customers today!' Tino answers cheerfully.

'Oh, really? That's good! Anyway, have a good evening!' And with that, the café owner leaves, and Tino can finally get into his room. With work done for the day, Tino can finally change into something a little more comfy. But we're not going to show you the process, or we'll all be shot. See, we stopped the camera just before he took his clothes off, so don't bother asking for the footage because we _don't_ have it. Tino, now changed, gets into bed and drifts off into the land of nod.

* * *

Eirikur Steilsson stands here dramatically, wind almost blowing that funny hat off his head... but we don't really know why he's here. You could say he's a bit weird... that's because he's an evil sailor esper person... thing. I don't know, who writes this stuff? By the way, that puffin on his shoulder is a familiar. For _some_ reason he needs one.

At this point you're supposed to be thinking, hmm, Eirikur must be planning something terrible involving Berwald! But still, there's no reason for him to be standing on the roof of Berwald's school way after he's gone home. The lighting's changed too - it was late evening a few moments ago, but now it's the middle of the day. _Argh_. Say what you like, but putting random cutscenes in like this makes this film really difficult to edit.

Anyway, moving right along. Now we come to the first fight scene between Tino and Eirikur. Oh, all that stuff about them meeting for the first time, why they're fighting at all... that's all left up to the viewer's imagination for various reasons that shall henceforth remain unexplained. To be honest, we'll be lucky if this makes any sense whatsoever.

Now go on. Imagine.

Done? _Good_. We're in a park somewhere, and Tino's now in a butler outfit. Doesn't he look smart? _So_ cute.

'B-Berwald is not someone you can control! I-I'll protect him with all I have!'

'Go ahead. Try.' Eirikur _really_ can't act, by the way. Tino takes position, and- where did those guns come from? There's no way he could have hidden both of them in his jacket without it showing up. Continuity? Who needs it?

Tino begins firing the guns at Eirikur. Eirikur raises a flag, and the pell- I mean, _bullets_ just bounce straight off him. See, that flag he's waving around? It's called 'Steve' and it's supposed to work like a magic wand. By the way, those pellets make great puffin food.

'Oh no! It's not working! Then it's time to use my secret weapon!' Tino, distraught that his gun things aren't working, throws the guns to the floor and raises his hand to his face, forming a quite frankly _ridiculous_ pose.

Also, his eye's suddenly changed colour for some reason that will _also_ never be explained. I hope the audience has a good imagination...

'Ti... Tino beam!' A flash of light bursts from Tino's discoloured eye- dammit, now the picture's gone. Ah, there it is. The Tino beam is a super-dangerous laser beam that shoots out of Tino's eye. And we're... panning up to the sky?

I'll just... lightly skip over the fact that Berwald's suddenly appeared out of nowhere and knocked Tino over. Yeah, he's currently crouched over him. Now, who's this strange figure ordering everyone around? Nobody important. It's certainly not our director trying to keep everyone under control, nope.

Oh, and now the camera's pointing at the ground. What possible use could we have for this footage? Why was I stupid enough to let this section through editing? Ok, I'm an idiot, I'm overworked and I'm certainly not getting paid for this. There's your reason. Happy?

_Good_. Now, it's time for an advert break.

* * *

A/N: Spain returns! Also, Rome! Well, Himaruya did a strip about Rome a while ago, so why not?

Ugh. School is crap at the moment. Still, that's not relevant to the story, so I'll just stop talking.

Next chapter continues the clearly amazing movie thing! Yay!

Until next time, valete~


	45. Adventures II

The Adventures of Tino Väinämöinen II - Twisty Tangly Plot Thing

* * *

What, you wanted the adverts? What kind of _dull_ person watches adverts? Then again, what kind of complete and utter _idiot_ puts adverts in the middle of a freaking _movie?_ Aside from Mathias.

But I digress.

'U-uh... this store is great! The owner's really friendly... uh... it's all here! Batteries to fridges to cameras, they've got it all! So... um... come to Héderváry Electronics where good deals are made every day!'

There, you've got your advert. You hear that? Go to that Hungarian pervert's store. The power of Tino's bunny ears compels you.

Right. Now back to something relevant.

* * *

Following his defeat - wait, he got defeated? Must have happened offscreen. Anyway, following his defeat, Tino walks the streets by himself, and thinks to himself out loud.

'Hmm... the Tino beam didn't work on that evil sailor. What do I do now?'

And now we cut to Tino going back to his room at the back of the café. Doesn't he have a house?

Other heroes transform into their alter-egos, but for _some_ reason Tino needs to get changed like a normal person. _Sigh_... anything for the sake of suggested fanservice- we still don't have the footage, by the way. Stop asking for it. _Perverts_. But he's off to work now, and mustn't be late.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Berwald walks aimlessly down a street in the middle of nowhere. He's wearing that same slightly-terrifying expression he was before, but that's his default expression. He doesn't really want to murder everyone in their sleep. Honest.

But oh no! Eirikur has appeared in front of him! Berwald... uh... just stops walking and stares. In case you hadn't guessed, Berwald's not the most talkative person ever.

'...who're you?' Berwald finally makes some kind of reaction.

'I'm an esper.'

'...'n what d'you want with me?'

'I've come from across the sea to take your super-alien powers... or something.' _Something?_ Sounds like someone hasn't quite learnt his lines properly...

'...you're a nuisance.'

'Then I shall use force if I must, and don't expect an agree- _wait_. I shall use force if I must to... obtain your hidden powers, that's it.'

'...how?' Don't ask stupid questions, idiot.

'Like this.' Eirikur raises his flag Steve and waves it around, sending a beam of light... lightning... _stuff_ at Berwald. Oh no! Now what will he do?

Ta-ta-taaah! Tino to the rescue! Tino appears out of nowhere and pushes Berwald out of the way of the beam... see, he's much stronger than he looks. A little wobble, though, and both Tino and Berwald are on the floor again.

'Whoops...' Tino stands up and dusts himself off. He points dramatically at Eirikur. 'I will never let you get away with this, you evil sailor, you!'

'I - oh, _crap_, I can never remember this line - you win this round, butler. You won't be so lucky next time, I'll... destroy you? Yeah, destroy you.' Eirikur, after horrifically fumbling his lines, turns and walks away. Why doesn't Tino chase after him now he's got the chance? Well, there are more important things for the plot to be doing. Like sexual tension.

Berwald, having also got up at some point offscreen, turns to stare at Tino. Well, it looks like a stare, anyway.

'Ohyaaaa! I-I'm just a bunny passing through! Th-that's all!' Blatant lies. Still, Tino takes this opportunity to exit stage right. Sorta. It's not actually a stage. We'd have someone exit pursued by a bear, but we don't have a bear... and I should probably stop this before I give a certain _someone_ ideas.

'...who was he?' And with a forced look of awe- who _wrote_ this? His expression never changes! Anyway, Berwald watches as Tino runs off, his little attached bunny tail bobbing along behind. And... wait, the camera's tilting up again? Why? Is the sky _that_ interesting?

* * *

Once again, I'm going to have to ask for your imagination. A large chunk of the story seems to have been kidnapped and we couldn't pay the ransom. Sorry. So after this and that, involving you-know-what, we've now moved to what is apparently a lake. If you ask me, it looks more like a giant oddly-shaped pool, but what do _I_ know? I'm just the narrator. Anyway, the flames of battle have burst up again! ...I think.

'E-even at times like this I will never run away! You're an evil bad esper, you... and you'd better leave at once!' Tino pulls some bizarre poses while talking, and now here's a seizure-inducing power-up sequence! Of a few seconds, anyway. It pretty much just consists of zooming in on Tino's face again and again while playing a synthesised fanfare.

'You're the one that should leave this time plane now - we shall seize him and his powers because he's valuable to us... uh, while we seize him, we'll be taking over.' Ah-whoops, just zoom in on Eirikur's face to hide the fact that Berwald was standing in the background. He wasn't _supposed_ to be there.

'U-uh, I won't let you do that! I will risk my own life to stop you!' We can't see the stupid posing this time, because we're zoomed in so close to Tino's face we'll probably end up hitting him on the nose.

'Then prepare yourself, for I'm about to kill you.' Wait, where did those minions come from all of a sudden? The first minion steps forward, ducking under Eirikur's arm.

'Kesesese...' he laughs, and the other two stumble forward like zombies. The three slowly make their way towards Tino. I think it's supposed to be menacing, but honestly? It just looks cheesy. Still, some cheese is quite tasty. Anyone ever tried Jarlsberg?

Sorry...

'A-ah! Gilbert! Not you... get yourself back together!' ...I think he means _pull_ yourself together. Gilbert's not in pieces.

'...Dahahaha! Oh, Tino, I can't take you seriously like that!' ...Ok,_ now_ he's in pieces. 'Sorry, Tino, the awesome me's kinda under the control of the esper guy right now. Here goes nothing!' And making some rather stupid noises, the three minions approach Tino.

I think they're being controlled by the little white flag Eirikur's been waving around for about a minute. Now he's trapped. Tino, what are you going to do now? They're just innocent bystanders who've been captured and brainwashed by Eirikur!

Ok, not so innocent any more. The minions pick Tino up and just throw him in the pond- sorry, _lake_. Poor Tino can't do a thing to help himself. As he struggles around in the water, who should turn up but Berwald? Properly, this time. Saying nothing, as usual, he reaches out for Tino to grab his hand. Tino does just that, and is soon pulled out of the lake.

Right then. So where the _hell_ did Eirikur and the minions go? And where's Berwald actually been this whole time?

'Ohh... the water's so cold...' Yeah, Tino, we hear you. It doesn't look that clean either. What heartless minions.

Berwald's staring at Tino again. '...what're you doing here?'

'A-ah! Uh... evil people... um...' Tino stutters trying to find the right words while trying _not_ to look terrified.

'This is where you're supposed to faint!' ...who was _that?_ It didn't come from anyone on screen- oh. Whoops. Must have forgotten to edit director's orders out. How stupid of me.

Tino, rather unsurprisingly given those orders, passes out straight into Berwald's arms. How cute. Berwald simply picks Tino up and starts carrying him off somewhere.

Now, I suppose normally you'd call an ambulance, or maybe ask a passer-by to get help. Berwald seems to think the right thing to do would be to carry this poor, cute little guy off somewhere. Alien logic, eh? And Eirikur and the minions seem to have disappeared without finishing Tino off for good, which I'm sure they'd be perfectly capable of doing... With all these plot holes the size of craters, we... tilt up to the sky again? Is this the default action for 'moving on to the next scene'? And we've reached the halfway point.

Hold on. We're only halfway through? How long is this, anyway? My patience is being tested... oh, here's a little jingle and a cute picture of Tino. Lovingly drawn by... I dunno, someone.

* * *

Anyway, we appear to have moved to Berwald's house. I _think_ it's Berwald's anyway... what bothers me is that Tino, whom we last saw being pulled out of the lake, seems to have just got out of the bath. Which means that instead of giving this potentially-injured person medical attention, Berwald's taken him home, bathed him, and is now lying him out on a bed._ What?_

I'll take this opportunity to remind everyone that we are most _definitely_ watching a movie, with actors playing characters that just happen to have the same name as them... but it is all fiction. Get it?

Tino stirs. Berwald's pulled up a chair from goodness-knows-where, and is sat beside him.

'...'wake now?' Berwald asks. Which is a pretty stupid question, Tino's opened his eyes and is quite clearly awake, if a little woozy.

'J... joo... where am I..?' Make that _very_ woozy.

'...m'room.'

'Uh... thanks for taking care of me...' Tino knows his manners, at least...

Tino closes his eyes, and Berwald puts his arm around him to keep him vaguely upright. Their faces get closer and closer, and it looks like they're about to kiss... where the hell did_ this_ all come from? Oh yeah, Berwald's been staring at him a lot. That totally makes sense.

'Hold it.' And the lighting changes again as Eirikur suddenly enters through the window. Berwald sits upright, letting Tino fall asleep again. 'Berwald Oxenstierna, don't go down that route. Choose me instead. It's the only way to unlock your true powers.'

'...what d'you mean by that?' Right, why isn't Berwald surprised by Eirikur's entrance at _all?_ I mean, he's hardly the most expressive person ever but there should at least be _some_ kind of reaction... shouldn't there?

'All I'm saying now is you have two choices. Choose me, and let the universe evolve, or choose him and destroy the future.'

Berwald is worried at this point, apparently. Actually... Eirikur was definitely talking about _him_, right?

'...so'm a key, nej? A key does nothing by'tself, but it can open doors and when this door opens...'

...yeah? When this door opens _what?_ Come on, Berwald, that was _almost_ a complete sentence!

'...nej. 't's too early t'decide. Tell me th'whole truth.'

'There will be time for that in the future, but now is not it. A lack of information is more of a handicap.' Eirikur steps back out of the window, presumably to leave. It's a good thing we're on the ground floor, otherwise Eirikur would be a big splat on the floor by now. Which would _apparently_ be an unsatisfying ending. It'd be funny, though.

You could say they were setting up a plotline there... but that nonsense was entirely incomprehensible. Eirikur's good at nonsense. I suppose the important thing is that the two have reached some kind of understanding. Maybe.

And... oh, another advert break. It's still a stupid idea, but oh well, it's in here now. Have your stupid adverts.

* * *

A/N: Lots of random doodles on my dA, again link in profile. Yay!

...where did everyone go? There's a review button down there, I think? [is totally not begging]

Next chapter concludes the epic movie of epic!

Until next chapter, au revoir~ [Had a French speaking exam yesterday... which went pretty well, actually. Just talked about Haruhi for a while. Worked wonders.]


	46. Adventures III

The Adventures of Tino Väinämöinen III - M'wife

* * *

Ok,_ fine_. Here's the other advert.

'U-uh... I'm standing here in front of Vash Zwingli's model shop! Uh, his sales have been down for a while...' Tino, now dressed in some sort of military uniform thing, moves closer to the camera as he can't read very well. Has _nobody_ learnt lines before? He steps back, and continues. '...uh... down at the start of this year about... eighty percent... so everyone should come down here and buy lots of models! Kiitos!'

Clicking noises offscreen. Sounds like someone playing with one of the model guns Tino's trying to sell.

'U-uh, you want me to hold it..?' Tino moves even closer to the camera than before, and returns to position holding a gun of some kind. Goes perfectly with his outfit, I have to say. 'Um, you should never fire this at people! ...A-ah, you want me to shoot it? Wh-what do I shoot?' Tino takes aim at... the camera? He fires it, and the pellet goes just above the screen. A loud 'Ouch!' can be heard... which was _totally_ not me. That bruise across my whole forehead? Completely unrelated. Honest.

Now, back to the movie! No more adverts for you. Ha_ha_.

* * *

We come back to Tino, now cooking what looks like fried eggs in Berwald's kitchen. There's also a blond kid appeared from somewhere, playing with a little fluffy white dog. Yeah, you've probably lost all interest in the story by now, but here's something new - Berwald and Tino have started living together. I mean, Berwald's even calling Tino his wife now. But isn't Tino a guy? How does _that_ work?

However it works, it's time for a family-time montage! Presumably the kid, his eyebrows and his dog have all been integrated into this family unit somehow. Tino seems to be filling the 'wife' role annoyingly well: wishing Berwald well as he goes off to school, playing games with Berwald and the kid, accidentally walking in on Berwald in the shower... and that last one was totally not just for the sake of fanservice. Makes you wonder what all those sci-fi battle scene things were about. This looks more like one of those cheesy housewife shows.

'Hey! Camera! Say hi, Hanatamago!' And the kid takes a hammer and smashes the fourth wall to pieces. And why is he shoving the dog's face into the camera?

'Hi!' ...That _totally_ wasn't the dog talking. See, this little boy is actually an expert ventriloquist. The dog _didn't_ talk. Got it?

Now we go back to Eirikur, who's got a different plan. Now he's had the _brilliant_ idea of transferring into Berwald's school. Ok, Eirikur as a transfer student? This was a _completely_ original idea. Definitely. He tries to ensnare Berwald through the age-old locker postbox service. You have to wonder... if they're called 'lockers', why are they never locked? This particular idea doesn't seem to work, though, for some unexplained reason.

Finally, Tino also transfers into Berwald's school. If Tino was sent back to protect him... why didn't he do that earlier? Well, don't ask me because I probably have less of a clue than you. And so, this epic tale of Tino the combat butler seems to have turned into some kind of romantic comedy. What kind of story is this trying to _be_, anyway?

Tino and Eirikur seem to have agreed to a truce at school. We must have missed the scene where the whole 'realising your true nature' stuff happens... seriously, this plot's got more holes than Swiss cheese. Now the two of them are back to pretending to be the combat butler from the future and the evil esper sailor person with a puffin, and engaging in some quite honestly rubbish fight scenes. They fight behind a building somewhere, in a forest, behind a different building... even in a kids' playground where Tino stands precariously atop a slide. See Tino wobble. Neither of them seem to be gaining much ground. As for what happens next, even the cameraman doesn't know the answer... that's me, by the way. What, you think I was hired just to make sarcastic comments? It's a fight to the death that... lacks any sense of excitement. I mean, they're chasing each other round a table now. What the _hell?_

* * *

This... quite frankly _schizophrenic_ storyline reaches its conclusion as if it were written by a drunk child... which it was, by the way. I'm absolutely_ certain_ that alcohol was involved. I'm sure the director just wanted to end things quickly, without really caring how it all came together. The fate of the world depends on it being finished... or something. I don't know. Stop asking me!

Anyway, Eirikur challenges Tino to one final showdown. Why he couldn't have done that earlier is beyond me. Tino, who was sat down reading a note before, stands up and pulls a dramatic pose.

'I see now!' ..._What_ does he see?

Tino - suddenly standing normally, not in that silly pose - is approached by Gilbert, who has apparently been freed from Eirikur's control. Once again, when exactly did this happen?

'Tino! What's up? Did something un-awesome happen or are you being stalked again?' ..._Again?_ That's slightly worrying. Poor Tino.

'The time has finally come! I must go and battle the evil sailor esper!' Tino points at the sky for no apparent reason... and Gilbert just can't take it any longer and bursts out laughing. Everything's just _hilarious_ to this guy.

By the way, how on earth do Gilbert and Tino know each other at all? Ok, maybe they met after Tino transferred into the school, but how does that explain the scene at the lake earlier? Plot holes, plot holes, wonderful plot holes... that's a _huge_ continuity error, nei? Well, if all else fails, just pan the camera and shoot the sky...

Anyway, we've finally reached the climax of the film. At long last... I can hear you all sighing in relief. For some reason, Eirikur and Tino are standing on the roof of the school.

'Let's settle this once and for all.' And zoom into Eirikur's face- his _face_, not the sky next to his face... I'd say what a stupid cameraman we have, but I'd only be insulting myself. Which is a bit silly, really. 'We don't have much time left. We must finish this before the end of our lunch break.'

...Ok, any chance of taking Eirikur seriously has just been swallowed by a black hole. Lunch break? _Really?_

'Then we both agree on something! But I... I'm sure Berwald will choose me! I... just know it!' A blush creeps into Tino's already-adorable face. Must... resist... urge... to _hug_...

'I don't care about his free will at all. Soon his alien powers will be mine.' What an _idiot_. If Eirikur wants Berwald so much, why can't he just go get him _now?_ Why does he need to go through Tino at all? I can't be the only one thinking this, right?

'I won't let you do that! That's why I've come all the way from...' Deep breath and stupid poses ahoy! '...the future!'

And back into seizure-mode. Da-da-da-daaah-daaah...

Tino runs back and prepares to launch the Tino beam. With some 'haaaaa!'s and some 'ohwaaaa!'s, he fires several beams at Eirikur. Who, as you'd expect, manages to deflect them all with the help of Steve the Flag. Eirikur sends his own rays firing at Tino, who jumps out of the way, and- fireworks! Pretty!

Sorry. Tino cowers away from the sparks caused by Eirikur's magic.

'Tino! You've gotta fight!' Wait, that's the guy who told Tino to faint earlier! Stupid director, getting in the camera shot.

'What's going on out he-'

Ignore the teacher who came bursting through the door behind Tino, because he's not relevant to the storyline.

Moving swiftly on, the battle continues on the roof, and it looks like poor Tino's finally been cornered.

'The time has come for you to give in.' Eirikur raises his flag, which suddenly starts glowing, and Tino writhes in pain as he gets... uh... I dunno how to describe it? It keeps getting bright... sorry, but there was really no other way to make this more thrilling. Imagination, please! It looks hopeless now! What will you do now, Tino?

Enter Berwald. How did _he_ know Tino was up here? No idea. Tino's collapsed to the floor, and Berwald gives Tino a protective hug before standing up to face the evil esper Eirikur. Heh... evil esper Eirikur. Try saying _that_ when you're drunk.

'...leave'm. _Now._' Berwald utilises his default death glare to full effect as he stares Eirikur down.

'Wah! _Scary!_ I'm outta here!' The puffin flies off Eirikur's shoulder, a sure sign that he's dead meat. It also did _not_ talk. There are _no_ talking animals in this movie.

'Ack, dammit, Puffin! Come back!' Eirikur suddenly displays some _emotion_ in this movie! 'Argh... sorry. Uh... Take this, Berwald Oxenstierna. I'll take control of your thoughts and actions... stupid puffin.'

The flag flashes again, but Berwald... puts up a force field or something? It seems the fighting between Eirikur and Tino has awakened his super-alien powers. How _convenient_. And this deus ex machina sends Eirikur flying away, having been blasted by Berwald's new-found abilities. Wheeeee!

'...'s over.' Berwald helps Tino up. Tino seems to have got over his fear of Berwald's face and realised that behind all that, he's not a bad person at all.

And we... pan up to the sky again, but not before we catch a glimpse of one more hug between Berwald and Tino. Don't they make the cutest couple _ever?_

Berwald's unexplainable powers have awakened, sending Eirikur flying all the way back to Iceland. He... probably drowned in a pool of bubbling blue mud near a volcano or something. And I'm not making that up, there are puddles of bluey-grey mud in Iceland. Seriously. Many thanks go to Tino and Berwald, I guess.

Anyway, with the trees suddenly in full bloom, we're treated to Berwald and Tino taking a romantic walk next to the river. Berwald catches a flower and... hei, is Berwald _blushing?_ I don't think that's acting, somehow, but it makes the scene all the more adorable. Tino smiles that adorable little smile of his, and Berwald takes the opportunity to finish what he started earlier...

...and brings Tino in for a kiss.

And with that, the credits roll. Argh, noisy credit music _really_ ruins the atmosphere. That was _cute!_

As the credits begin scrolling in, a voice can be heard- oh, it's the director again. 'This story's a work of fiction. All character names, organisations, incidents and other crap are all fictional. It's all made up, ok? If it looks like someone, it's just a coincidence! Apart from the shops, of course, go shop there! ...Huh? I've gotta say it again? Fine... This story is a work of fiction. All character names, organisations, incidents... Nor! Why do I have to say this anyway? It's obvious!'

* * *

'It's finished!' Mathias stood up dramatically, turning to face us all. This was just before the Arts Festival kicked off for good, while we were all watching it together. He'd spent most of the time resting on my head, which was a _little_ annoying once he started playing with my hairclip. 'That was awesome! The SOS Brigade has no concept of 'impossible'! Right, Nor?'

...He's acting like he's won an Oscar or something. Seriously, he's _actually_ going to show this to people? In which case I commend anyone who can sit through this pile of-

'It's so awesome the screens are going to be packed!' Mathias continued to jabber on about just how amazing his movie was... while I made a mental decision to skip out on the Festival and take a nap. I mean, I fell asleep at the _computer_ while editing this damned movie.

On the other hand, I made a promise to go to Tino's café, so I can't skip... _so_ sleepy.

'...and then we'll have enough money to make a sequel! Right, Nor?' Maybe I could steal some of Mathias' energy to get me through the day. Now how to go about doing that?

Whatever. I guess I'll have to sleep later.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I'm British. What tipped you off?

Norge totally ships SuFin. As does Mathias. Which is why it's in the movie, isn't it? Hehe xP

Next chapter, the Arts Festival begins properly!

Until next time, farewell~ *cowers away from storm outside*


	47. Live Alive I

Live Alive I - Thoroughly Sleep-Deprived Nonsense

* * *

Surreal, incomprehensible, smushed together at the last minute... but enough about that day's sandwich, the movie created by Mathias' crazy mind was finally finished with. The Brigade was at long last free during the Arts Festival. Luckily for me, Mathias decided he was actually going to _do_ something for once, and had agreed to handle all the promotion stuff. Besides, it's not like_ I'd_ make the most enthusiastic salesman ever. I just had to drop the DVD off at the Movie Club who were screening it for us. After that, I could wander around with a clear conscience and enjoy the Festival despite being zombified.

Mathias' main method of advertising his movie was running around in his bunny butler costume and shove flyers onto people. It was... _entertaining_ to watch people's reactions to this nutter. Well, let's just leave Mathias to it. I'd love to watch him for longer, but there's one important thing I have left to do. There's a certain Finnish butler I need to go and see.

See, unlike our class of slackers who're doing some sort of survey thing, which I found _much_ too dull to get involved with, Berwald, Eirikur and Tino were involved with their own class' activities. I went down to see what Berwald was doing. Fortune-telling, if I remember correctly. I managed to get myself captured by some people in weird costumes, but I broke free eventually. Wonder which class _they_ were from?

Of course, this being Berwald, it wasn't so much fortune-telling, as...

'...you'll buy'n ice cream'n five minutes'n fifteen seconds. You'll drop th'icecream'n five minutes'n twenty-eight seconds.' Berwald's customer was looking a little worried. Understandably. Sigh... as I thought. He's supposed to be telling_ fortunes_, not futures... seriously, Berwald, take it easy.

Maybe I ought to go see this play of Eirikur's... and find out exactly why he needed to be in a sailor costume. There probably won't be any real reason, he just needed some kind of outfit...

'We both know the world is governed by probability laws, yet having seen this it is difficult to believe in such a thing. Perhaps there is another way of seeing this - that we are surrounded by the supernatural.' Huh. An esper talking about the supernatural. Who would have guessed? Still, the audience seem to love him... can't think why. Just like in the movie, Eirikur simply can't act.

Not much point staying to watch. It didn't look that interesting, to be honest... so I left the theatre to find something else to do.

* * *

And who should I bump into but Feliks and Toris? Can't escape from these two dorks even if I tried.

'Norge!' Feliks called.

'Hei. Any luck for you?' By which I mean, is there anything_ remotely_ interesting?

'Nah, I totally expected there to be more or something. But, like, the Table Tennis Club had ping-pong ice cream.'

...How on earth does _that_ work? Is that playing table tennis with scoops of ice cream? That's stupid, ice cream doesn't bounce. Then, could it be ping-pong-ball-flavoured? Oh, _good_. Plastic is delicious.

'They had some nice biscuit-y things in one of the upper years, didn't they?'

'Totally! Then there were some chocolate-coated bananas that were more banana than chocolate-'

I sighed. Exactly what I expected. 'You just went round and ate all the food, didn't you?'

'Well, yah.'

'Why not? It's nice to have something other than Feliks offering me paluzski all the time.' Very true, Toris... very true indeed.

'Hey! That's totally not nice. Anyway, now we can go see this café thing you were talking about before!'

Oh yeah. I forgot I'd invited these two to Tino's café.

'I mean, I acted in your totally dumb movie for free and all I get is a coupon? Like, not fair!'

'Then don't come. It's simple enough.' Complaining again. _Argh._

'No way! I wanna see what Tino's wearing this time!'

...Is it really _that_ special? Although Tino did look adorable in that butler outfit he wore for the movie... hmm. Wonder what his class have cooked up for him?

Something like what Gilbert was wearing, I guess. They'd obviously roped him in for the waiter business thing too. He finished talking to the guy at the front of the queue, then noticed us and started waving frantically at us.

'Norge! Over here!' Feliks and Toris followed me over to where Gilbert was standing. 'Table for three, then? Oh, don't I look awesome today?'

'Yeah, awesome. Whatever.' I'm too tired for this. Just let me in and give me a coffee.

'We're just raking in the money! Kesesese!' ...And he's just as oblivious as Mathias. Typical. 'Now get to the end of the line!'

Gilbert pushed Toris to the back of the queue. Feliks and I weren't far behind. Gilbert insisted we pay in advance, so we handed over the money and the coupons. Gilbert gave me the change and left us to it.

'...Wow, he's loud,' Toris stated.

'Norge, is he with you and your bunch of weirdos?'

'Nope.'

'And, like, split the change, ok?'

_Curses_, he got me.

We ended up waiting in that stupid queue for half an hour. That's half an hour of not-listening to Feliks blather on about nothing. This had better be worth it. We were led to a table by Gilbert, who shouted for water. And guess who was the one bringing us water?

Tino, of course. And _damn_, was he cute.

'Moi! Welcome to the café!' Tino said with a smile. He had the same black jacket he was wearing for the movie, or at least a very similar one, but with a pale blue ribbon around his collar instead of the bow tie. It's certainly a very different mood to when he's serving us coffees in the clubroom. Since, you know, he's not actually crossdressing at the moment.

'You did come then! Kiitos!' Tino placed a glass of water on the table in front of me. 'And you as well, you really helped with the movie!' Having given water to Feliks and Toris as well, Tino smiled and headed back into the food area.

'Dahaha, you like? Tino's probably gone to get your food, so hold tight!'

After not too long, thankfully, Tino came back with some pastries for the three of us. Of course, there was a need to get people in and out as quickly as possible, since the queue had become pretty long out there, so we ended up inhaling the pastries in about five minutes. Figuratively speaking, of course. Otherwise we'd choke. Then we needed to push our way out through the rather rude people who'd continued the queue right in front of the door. Whose _stupid_ idea was that? And where the hell's my coffee? I'm going to burn out at this rate...

* * *

'So what do you want to do now?' Toris asked. 'We could go and watch that movie you made. I'd quite like to see it, actually.'

'No way! It's probably gonna be, like, utter crap.' _Hmph_. Whilst I may be inclined to agree with you on that point, Feliks, hearing it from you does _not_ make me happy. 'Like, the Science Club's holding a barbecue!'

'You're _still_ hungry?' _How?_

'Hey, let's go pick someone up before the barbecue!'

'You what?'

'Ya know. Grab a partner or something.'

'Nope. You're on your own there. See you.' I made to leave.

'Actually, Feliks, I'll pass too. If you have any luck, introduce me later.' Toris turned to follow me, leaving Feliks standing in the corridor by himself.

'Hey! You totally can't be chickening out, can ya?' Feliks called after us. He got no verbal response from either me or Toris.

It's not a matter of cowardice. Reason one, I'm plain _not_ interested. Reason two, there's a certain _someone_ who wouldn't exactly approve if he saw me hitting on someone. Which could be a small problem. Well, a big problem.

I managed to ditch Toris too, eventually. Not that he wasn't good company, I just needed some time to myself. I took myself outside to look at some of the stalls out there. Hmm... the usual overpriced 'win this simple-looking-but-actually-nigh-impossible game and win a prize' stalls didn't interest me at all. Nothing interesting to buy, either... I ended up just getting myself a coffee and sitting on the steps outside staring aimlessly into space. It was nice to get away from the crowds for a while, but I got bored fairly quickly. Looking at the programme, I noticed that the Wind Ensemble were performing right now, and there'd be a show by the Rock Club later on. After pulling an all-nighter like that, it'd be the perfect place to sit and rest.

The hall was pretty empty when I got there. I suppose not many people would be interested in something like that... which was a shame, since what I heard was pretty good. I took a seat in the middle of an empty row and listened.

After a while, I felt myself starting to drift off a bit. Not in the middle of a hall, you _idiot_...

Not that it mattered much. I ended up falling asleep anyway.

* * *

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Life kinda... caught up with me ^^' Been spending way too long reading fanfics on the kink meme instead of writing, I guess.

Anyway! Uh... *tries to think of something vaguely interesting to say... fails miserably* No, I don't have a clue how to pronounce Tino's last name. I should probably go look it up or something... [Ack, language barrier. I don't mean hall as in corridor... uh... what do you call it? *is British and fails miserably at American*]

Next chapter, Norge is awoken by something he definitely wasn't expecting. Hehehe...

Until next time, do widzenia~


	48. Live Alive II

Live Alive II - And Now For A Musical Interlude

* * *

I was woken by something brushing against my shoulder. I cracked my eyes open slightly to get a decent view of my surroundings, and the hall had filled with people while I'd been sleeping. _Crap!_ People everywhere! Not that there was any way of getting out anyway.

So... uh... who's on next then..?

Hei, that was the guy at the festival during the summer that sold us fireworks. Thought I recognised him from somewhere. Dunno who the girl is, though, but those are some pretty flowers in her hair. Now who are the other tw-

No way. No _freaking_ way.

_Mathias_ and _Berwald?_ Since when could _they_ play guitar? And Mathias is still in the bunny butler outfit! Not that I mind or anything, but what the _hell?_

Firework guy - that's his name now - took a seat at the drumkit, while flower-hair-girl plugged her guitar into the amp. Mathias carried a music stand onto the stage, then plugged his own guitar in along with Berwald's. He adjusted the microphone- wait. Mathias was going to _sing?_ This should be... interesting.

* * *

Apparently it had started raining outside, driving everyone indoors. Hm. Trying to get a larger audience, are you, Mathias?

Mathias turned to face firework guy at the drums, then flower-hair-girl, who nodded. He looked back at firework guy and nodded himself.

A bang of the drums from firework guy, and the music started. Mathias turned back to face the audience, but he was completely focused on the sheet music in front of him rather than looking directly at anyone.

I think it was Berwald playing the ridiculously complicated line over the top. It does seem like something within his alien capabilities... knowing him, he'd probably never picked a guitar up before. Mathias was nodding his head along to the beat, his black bunny ears bobbing up and down. With Berwald's complex guitar pattern finished, Mathias leant closer to the microphone and began to sing.

'Running on past, there's nothing more that I can do...' He had a surprisingly good singing voice. Which wasn't something I expected at _all._ 'I'm sorry that I couldn't help with anything...'

The crowd were really getting into this.

'You never stayed, and I know it's because you're afraid,' Mathias continued. 'How can we heal if you won't ever share our pain?'

By now, some of the crowd had stood up and started cheering. Slightly annoying if I can't see any more...

'If we want to live our lives as purely as we can, I'll turn around and leave - stay for the rest of time on the lonely rail...'

This was getting irritating. I stood up myself in order to get a better view of the stage. What? It wasn't _just_ Mathias on stage!

'Because I'll follow you forever, I don't care, wherever...' Mathias wore a rather serious expression, in a sharp contrast to his usual stupid grin. I guess he can apply himself when he wants to. 'No matter where you will be in this dark world, you'll shine! The future can't hold you back!'

I wonder who wrote this song? Because I'm noticing a certain parallel here...

'And I will never let my strength die - if your spirit's broken, I'll keep on going to patch you up! I'll do it my way! We'll be together always, eternally god-blessed...'

From where I was standing, Mathias' eyes could have been focused anywhere. Still, I couldn't help but feel they were pointing in my direction.

_What?_

'Out here is where we stand, among the silence, everyone has disappeared beneath the veil of emptiness...' Which was a horribly familiar situation. I was reminded of the time Mathias dragged both of us into closed space - he still thinks that was a dream, though. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not. 'Our dream, it fades away... By sketching out the beauty, don't you see that _now!_' Mathias' voice hit a sudden crescendo. 'We are just tracing our scars?'

Drumbeat. A moment's silence, if you ignore the crowd.

'So now I'll!' And another moment. 'Because I'll follow you forever! I don't care, wherever! No matter where you will be in this dark world, you'll shine! The future can't hold you back!'

It was getting a bit claustrophobic out here in the crowd. Everyone around me was stood cheering for this Danish oddball.

'And I will never let my strength die! If your spirit's broken, I'll keep on going to patch you up! I'll do it my way! We'll be together always, eternally god-blessed!'

Mathias stood up straight again, glancing to the side, and Berwald took to the guitar with another round of epic riffs. As did Mathias, for that matter. It wasn't too long until the song finished with one last round of drumbeats from the firework guy. All that was audible now were the shouts, cheers and applause from the audience around me.

Well, that's certainly one way to wake me up.

* * *

Mathias looked around at his fellow band members. Some of his hair had collapsed somewhat, but he brushed it out of his face with a hand. He looked surprised to receive such a positive reaction, but he shrugged and smiled at the audience. Berwald was completely motionless.

...wait. Is this actually happening, or am I still asleep- never mind. I could only stare.

'Pretty good, isn't he?' A glance to the side told me that Eirikur had somehow materialised next to me. How did he manage to push his way through the crowd- scratch that, how did he _find_ me so easily? 'So's Berwald, don't you agree?'

'You're still in _that_ thing?' Eirikur was still wearing that sailor suit. He'd been wearing that so much recently I wondered if I'd actually get used to seeing him back in uniform...

'Well, I finished my play and heard Mathias was doing something in here, so I came to investigate.'

'And this would be that something.'

A crackling came through the sound system. Mathias had something to say.

'Uh... hej! Just so you know, Berwald and I aren't actually in this band, we're just filling in. Sorry to disappoint anyone expecting the real thing! Anyway, introducing Xiang on drums!'

The firework guy beat out a few rounds on the drums. Presumably, that was his introduction. The crowd cheered loudly.

'And over here we have the lovely Mei on bass!' Mathias gestured in the direction of the girl with the flowers in her hair, who obligingly played a few notes. 'Berwald's filling in for Kamon on guitar, and I'm filling in for Tuyen on guitar and vocals! Dunno if I'm any good at either, and I'm sorta winging it here, but hej, whatever goes, right?' That's rather honest of him. 'By the way, if ya want the real songs, come by later! And if ya want to bring a disk, we'll copy them for ya for free! That ok?'

Mathias looked over at Mei, who nodded, smiling.

'Ok! I didn't have much time, so we're only doing two songs today. Sorry if you were expecting more! Anyway, this one's 'Lost my Music'!'

Almost straight away, firework guy- sorry, Xiang- got going with the next song. Berwald, Mei and Mathias quickly joined in on their respective guitars. When Mathias began singing, there was an energy in his voice that wasn't there in the first song. Different style, I guess. This one was much more upbeat.

'Why don't you point out a light, one that belongs to me, up in that starry sky?' He winked at the audience. He was really getting into it now. And next to me, so was Eirikur, bobbing his head along to the music. Didn't that bother the puffin at all? 'While I wonder where you are right now, and if you are with somebody else!'

I'd been stood up, arms folded, almost immobile for a few minutes now. Finally I gave in to the music, if just a little, and started tapping my finger.

'I think back on all the fun, the times we used to share, back when we were together! I cry lonely in the cinema where we used to go to all the time!'

What depressing lyrics for such a happy-sounding song. At least it's nothing pervy, I guess. I hate it when songs do that. I mean it's music, not an innuendo competition! A-a_hem_.

''Cause the one I love right now is far away! They're so far away that I am almost crying!' I'd make a comment about manly tears, but Mathias didn't write this song. I think. 'And I know tomorrow there is still a chance, so I'll lay myself to sleep and bid you good night!'

And Mathias is _incredibly_ cute when he's asleep, as I found out- well, ridiculously early that morning, I guess.

'I still, I still, I love you, I'm waiting, waiting forever!'

Wonder if that one's directed at anyone?

'I still, I still, I love you, and I'm never gonna stop! Hej!'

* * *

A/N: How appropriate that a music-themed chapter comes straight after Eurovision weekend xD It's a goldmine of Hetalia crack, seriously. [Peter is smart, he knows each European country by heart~ And something else he knows is that Azerbaijan isn't one of them~]

Lyrics used are from a mixture of sources. Some from the official dub, some from fandubs, and some of my own that I did a few years back. The other band members are Hong Kong and Taiwan, by the way. The ones that didn't make it are Thailand [Kamon] and Vietnam [Tuyen]. They'd make an awesome band, don't you think?

Next chapter, Mathias explains how this situation came about.

Until next time, zaijian~


	49. Live Alive III

Live Alive III - Insert Musical Pun Here

* * *

I got the whole story in class the next morning. I suppose that's one advantage of being stuck in front of Mathias - when you actually _want_ to talk, it's pretty easy. Which isn't often. So it isn't that much of an advantage really.

'I was passing out flyers for the movie,' Mathias explained, 'but I kinda ran out. So there I was, going to the clubroom to get some more, when I noticed the band arguing with the guy in charge of the festival. It looked like they weren't gonna let them on stage. See, the lead singer Tuyen had to go to hospital with tonsilitis, and the guitarist Kamon tripped and sprained his wrist. To make it worse, it's Kamon's last year at the school, so he really wanted to play - as in, even if it killed him.'

'So they were low on members, were they?'

'Yeah, Kamon got taken away to get his wrist looked at.'

'I take it that's when _you_ got involved.'

'Of course. I really get where they're coming from on that one. That's some serious dedication.' Yeah, I bet _you'd_ be up there on willpower alone. Mathias is stubborn as hell, but that isn't _always_ a bad thing. 'But when I saw Kamon taken away like that, I figured there was nothing the band could do. Wouldn't ya feel bad for the other members?'

'I guess.'

'So I asked them if they wanted me to fill in!' I suppose even Mathias has a softer side...

'And they let you? A little surprising.'

'Well, I told them I could sing and they said with me they might just pull it off! I was in the Rock Club for a while, so they probably remember me from then.' Ah, Mathias' attempts to conquer the entire school by invading all their clubs one at a time... I mean, Mathias is mostly known for being completely insane, but he seems to be good at everything, and that's something else people remember. 'I wanted to do some guitar-y stuff too, but there was nowhere near enough time so I ended up just doing the chords.'

'That explains why you roped in Berwald too.'

'Ja! I pulled him out of the fortune-telling and told him what was going on, and he agreed to join me! I never knew the guy was that good! Took one look at the music and played it perfectly! Wonder where he learnt to play?'

I dunno, maybe the Data Integration Thought Entity has a music division.

I was about to reply, when Toris came over to greet us. 'Sveiki! We've got some guests, and I think they want to see Mathias.'

Sure enough, over at the door were four figures. I recognised two of them as Xiang and Mei, and I assumed the other two were yesterday's casualties. Mathias didn't get up straight away.

'...Are you going to see them?' I asked. Mathias' response was to stand up and grab my collar.

'Sure. But you're coming with me!'

* * *

Mathias pulled me over to the classroom's doorway, where we met the band members. Remember, Mathias thinks I can't go anywhere by myself without needing to be dragged around. It's so annoying!

'Hej, Tuyen! Your throat any better?' Mathias asked to the girl I didn't recognise. Clearly that was the Tuyen he was talking about a moment ago.

'It is, thanks for asking,' Tuyen replied.

'Good! And how's your wrist?' Mathias looked at the last guy, whom I assume to be Kamon. He had the same crazy hairstyle as Mathias. Hmm...

'Pretty good, ana... not perfect, so exams will be tough, but I'll be fine!' Seems like a carefree sort of person.

'Anyway, we came over to say thanks to you, Mathias.' Tuyen again. Mathias looked a little shocked. Was he not expecting thanks? It quickly lapsed back into that grin, though.

'We got an awful lot of requests after the show.' Xiang seemed to have the same curse as Berwald... and, well, me too. A rather emotionless deadpan voice. And these thick eyebrows seem to pop up in the most unlikely of places.

Mei, however, was a bit more lively. 'We can't fill up these disks fast enough, it's crazy!'

'Lots of people want our songs, ana... Of course, it's all thanks to you!' Kamon smiled. 'Our songs didn't have to go to waste because of you! This was going to be my last memory with the band so I really wanted to play, ana...'

Mei giggled. 'Yeah, and you get _scary_ when you're serious!'

'I _don't!_'

'Anyway, we want to do something for you since you helped us out so much!' Mei continued.

'Huh? Nej, it's fine! They were awesome songs and I had fun singing them! That's enough for me! Oh yeah,' Mathias pointed to his left, 'go see Berwald, he's just a few classrooms down!'

'We already went over there,' Tuyen answered, 'and he just nodded and pointed us down here.'

'Eh? Oh, ok.' Poor Mathias looked a little crestfallen.

'We're playing a gig soon. Come along?' Xiang asked.

'Yeah! And you can bring your... uh...' Mei looked at me in a weird way. Like she was trying to figure me out or something. '..._friend_ along too!'

Good. At least she settled on 'friend'. I think I can accept that term.

* * *

After they left, Mathias fell into one of his bouts of melancholy. I mean, he left right at the start of lunchtime, so there must have been something up.

Not like Feliks cared. He was too busy ranting about his lack of 'finds'.

'Like, I'm serious! There was no-one interesting at the Arts Festival! This school's totally built in a bad place, ya know?'

I was only half-listening to him- actually, I wasn't really listening at all. I was too busy eating. Sooner I finished eating, sooner I can find out what's up with Mathias. Not like I'm worried or anything... ok, yeah I'm worried.

I left Feliks with Toris. I'm sure they'll manage without me, because I'm usually _so_ important... sorry, Toris.

So yeah, I took a walk. I found Mathias outside, sitting on the grass under a tree.

'Hei,' I called. He didn't move. 'Mind if I join you?'

'Hm? Oh, nej, it's fine.' I sat myself under the tree next to him. He was idly plucking blades of grass from the ground and tearing them up. He sighed. Must be something bad. 'It was kinda last-minute, so I didn't get a chance to practise much... so we ended up making it simple. I can't help thinking maybe if we'd had a bit more time we would have been able to play it properly...'

'I hadn't noticed anything being simpler. It still sounded incredible, especially if that was last-minute.'

'Still... could it have been better..? It's like... I dunno. Like when I was up on stage, I was _doing_ something.' I felt a gentle breeze on my face. Empathetic weather, huh... '_Argh_, why can't I just forget about it?'

Hm, actually I think I get it. Mathias had been considered a total oddball for years, so he's not used to being appreciated. Not for something he's actually done, anyway.

'Mathias?'

'Mm?' His big blue eyes met mine.

'It's fine, really.'

'Ya think..?'

'Of course.' I gave Mathias a small smile. He leaned over and pulled me into a hug.

'Oh, Nor, tak...'

That was slightly unexpected. What's with all the affection he's been showing me all of a sudden? Still, it's nice to see a side of Mathias that isn't overbearingly loud or annoying... To tell the truth, though, I'd miss it if he stopped.

Mathias let go. We sat there for a while, staring at the sky with his head resting on my shoulder. It certainly wasn't unpleasant. He was the one to finally break the silence, of course...

'Hej, Nor?'

'Hm?'

'Do you... play any musical instruments?' ...Where did _that_ come from?

'I'm pretty good with the violin. Why?'

'_Awesome!_ Right, we've got a year to practise for the next Arts Festival, so get to it!'

'What?' He's got another crazy idea _already?_ At least he's cheered up, I guess...

Mathias jumped up, clearly excited by his _brilliant_ new idea. 'A band, Nor, a_ band!_ We're gonna enter next year's Arts Festival as a real band! I'll be the lead singer and Berwald can play guitar! Maybe we could have Tino dancing around and looking cute! Oh, and we've got to make the sequel to our movie, too!'

A _sequel?_ Oh no... well, at least we know how to sort it out this time, but I'd rather not put up with all that chaos again.

'Come on, Nor, let's go!' Mathias grabbed me by the wrist and started dragging me away from the tree.

'Wait, where are we going?'

'To get instruments, of course!'

'We've got a whole year.'

'That's not important! The year's gonna go fast! Right now, let's go raid the Rock Club's room! You head off to the music rooms and grab yourself a violin, just hurry up!'

Oh dear... once Mathias has an idea, he won't be dropping it any time soon. To be honest, though, I do really enjoy playing music, just... I didn't expect to be using something like that with the Brigade.

Oh well. I suppose I could try to go along with it for a change.

* * *

A/N: Asians everywhere! *shot'd* Sorry...

There's not much to work with for Thailand [Kamon] and Vietnam [Tuyen], so I took a guess at their personalities based on their appearances in Himaruya's doodles. [Speaking of which, anyone else seen the sleeping chibis on Himaruya's blog? So cute! And Den's got his hand up Nor's shirt xD Ever the pervert, even when asleep, eh?]

Next chapter, Eesti returns!

Until next time, xin chào~


	50. Fantasia I

A Fantasia War I - I Challenge You To A Duel

* * *

The season was autumn. The Arts Festival ended a number of days ago, and the school was finally peaceful again. I suppose you could almost call it an ordinary day. If you stretch the definition of 'ordinary' a bit. I really shouldn't be calling an afternoon spent with the SOS Brigade ordinary, but I guess that's just what it was.

Tino's coffee had become more and more welcome as the weather worsened. He still wears that maid dress, by the way, although apparently Mathias isn't enforcing the rule any more. Hm. Interesting. I wonder if a certain _someone_ asked him to carry on while enjoying the view from his seat in the corner?

Don't be silly. Berwald? Pah. He never says anything.

But seriously, I deserve a medal. I spend every day with an alien, a time-traveller and an esper, not to mention some kind of god-like-super-being, and I'm still as sane and objective as ever.

'Norge? Helloooo?' Eirikur started waving his hand in my face, leaning across the table and almost knocking over one of his chess pieces. 'Worried about something?'

'Nope. I'm just thinking about how awesome I am to be able to cope with all this weirdness.' _What?_ It's the truth! 'I deserve some praise, don't you think?'

Eirikur rolled his eyes and sat back down again. 'Want _me_ to give you some words of praise, then?'

'...That wasn't exactly what I meant. _You_ praising me will just make me suspicious, you know that.'

'Hmph. Fine. Although I think I know exactly who you want praise from...' Eirikur glanced over at the computer. The seat was unoccupied for once. Mathias had duties for class, so he was running late. No doubt that door will be receiving some serious punishment soon.

'Ah, here!' Tino brought me over a fresh mug of coffee. 'Sorry it took so long, it's a different kind of coffee. Hope you like it!'

'Oh, takk.' I raised the mug to my lips and took a sip of the coffee. Hm, what sort is this? It's _good_ stuff. 'It's good.'

'Kiitos!' Tino placed the mug with the Icelandic flag in front of Eirikur and went to put his tray down.

'Oh, Norge?' Eirikur asked. 'Where's Mathias?'

'Class duties. He'll be here soon enough.' In the mean time, let's just relish the peace and quiet, shall we..?

_Knock knock._

...Or not.

* * *

Tino ran over to open the door, since he was the only one standing up at that point. Who on earth is going to be visiting _us?_ I doubt it would be another client... hell, I can't even remember who the first one was. So who..?

Oh. _Him_. Eduard von Bock. President of the Computer Research Society. And all four of his lackeys- I mean, members. He glanced around the room, before asking, 'Isn't your leader here today?'

I stood up and walked over to the open doorway. 'Did you want something?'

'Indeed I do. First, take this.' Eduard handed me a small box, about the size of a CD case. It... probably was a CD case at some point, but right now the label on the front read 'Hetalia Fantasia 2'. 'There's some game software on it. It's an original game that we designed. You may have seen it at the Arts Festival?'

...I may vaguely remember _something_, but I was kinda half-asleep that day. So not really. Think of an answer that doesn't aggravate them...

'I don't really remember,' I shrugged. The faces of the whole Computer Research Society fell. Well, I apologise for not looking at _every_ single thing on display...

'Oh. Were we exhibiting it in the wrong place..?' Eduard looked at the rest of the group for support. Sorry, but you're interrupting my quiet time.

'So what did you want?'

'Uh- Oh! We've come to challenge your Brigade... thing.' He didn't sound too sure of that.

'A duel! Yeah!' The tall guy at the back with glasses, that was. He sounded American, and from the sound of it he's just as annoying as a certain Danish moron... 'A duel using our game! _Duel!_'

Yeah, yeah, we get it, a duel. Stop saying it, or Mathias' super-advanced selective hearing will pick you up, and who knows what that could entail? Grievous bodily harm, most likel-

'_Hyaaa!_' Out of nowhere comes a flying Dane, knocking into the noisy computer guy with both feet at once. I don't even want to know _how_ he managed that.

'A-Alfred-san!' The rest of the Computer Research Society ran over to assist their fallen comrade... or something.

'You want a duel? Who are ya, anyway? Some kinda secret syndicate trying to depose the SOS Brigade? Haha, no way am I letting ya do that!'

'Mathias, try listening into people _before_ you crash into them.' I probably shouldn't be bothering at all, he won't listen to me.

'Nor, a duel's a duel from the moment the words are spoken! Anything the loser says after that is an excuse!' Mathias suddenly noticed exactly who this strange gaggle were. 'Oh? You geeks? Nor, why are they picking a fight with us?'

I sighed. _Really_... 'That's exactly what they were about to explain before you decided to play cannonball.'

'They were?' _Ugh_, such a pain.

The computer dorks managed to pick up their loudest member. Let's see... no obvious signs of physical damage, glasses still intact, major blow to pride.

'Yes, we challenge the SOS Brigade to a duel!' Eduard announced.

'A _duel?_' And Mathias punched Eduard out too. So _violent_...

I'd carry on with this little sequence of events, but it's really not that interesting. Just lots of repetitions of the word 'duel' and Mathias punching the Computer Research Society out one at a time. So let's just skip that bit, ok? We don't lose anything.

* * *

So of course, we welcomed the Computer Research Society into the clubroom with open arms, just as we would for anyone. By which I mean, they didn't go too far away from the door. Are we _that_ scary that they need a quick escape route? Aside from Mathias, of course.

Speaking of which, Mathias had found himself a very comfortable seat on the computer desk. Actually, I don't think it was very comfortable. Maybe we should invest in some cushions for Mathias' poor arse.

'So!' Mathias began. 'What's this all about then?'

...He sounds like he's starting a police investigation or something.

'A duel, weren't you listening?' It seems this 'Alfred' person's taken charge here... 'And if we win, you gotta return it to us!'

'It? What it?' Mathias looked confused. Perhaps Alfred's ambiguous use of the third-person pronoun had him baffled. And no, I don't know what 'it' is either.

'You're not using it! We want the computer back!' Oh, the computer? They're _still_ traumatised by that incident?

'Hm? I use this all the time! We edited our movie on this thing!' You mean, _I_ edited the movie. 'And we made our homepage with it too!' Yep, _that_ was me as well. Stop making me do all the work and taking the credit yourself.

'What are you talking about?' Eduard _finally_ managed to get into the conversation. 'You never update your homepage!'

Ah, so _he's_ the one who's been visiting our website. _That_ explains how he got kidnapped by the camel cricket. Which we never actually got thanked for, although that's understandable since he was kinda inside that thing.

'Hej, when I went over to your room to get it, you said you'd give it to me! You remember, don't ya, Nor?'

...All too well.

'I don't remember him saying that.' I believe his exact words were, 'take it, you thief'. Not _exactly_ a tone of utmost agreement, is it?

'You bullied me into it! The deal's off!'

'Ohoho! And now you want to fight us for it?' ...Uh oh. Mathias getting all fired up like this can't be good. 'Ok, then. What do _we_ get if we win?'

'A-ah, we are able to offer you four new laptops,' the short black-haired guy suggested. 'One for each member of your brigade, ne?'

'_Seriously?_' Mathias hopped down from the desk, all excited.

'Uh, Kiku, can we really give them that?' Alfred asked.

'I believe it would be a suitable offer.'

'Ok! It's a deal!' Well, Mathias approves, at least. 'And no calling it off if you change your mind! Hej, if you win, we'll give ya Berwald.'

Wha? _Why?_ Eduard looked shocked as well.

'I'm sure ya can find a good use for him!' Mathias continued. 'Since you're offering four computers for us, Berwald balances stuff out a bit!'

Nei, it doesn't. Berwald's _far_ superior to four silly little laptops... but _you_ wouldn't know that.

'Hm? You don't want him? Then how about Tino? Oh, you can't have Eirikur, he's my deputy!'

...And what's defending _me_ from being handed over like a trading card?

Eduard didn't seem to like the suggestion that he take Tino. Not surprising, really - the last time these two had any contact it wasn't exactly tea and biscuits with a side of friendly conversation. More like enforced molestation.

'Hei, Mathias. Why don't _you_ be the prize? Stop betting other people and stop being selfish.' It just irks me, is all.

'No way! I'm the leader and figurehead of this Brigade! I'll only give up my position to the one I believe is the chosen one!'

What bullcrap. He's going to stay here as leader even after we've _graduated?_ Does this guy have _any_ sense of scale?

'Well then, Mr President, sir? Who's it gonna be?' ...Since when did Mathias call anyone 'sir'?

'Uh... that is, um...' Eduard stuttered.

'That the way it is? Fine, if you _insist_, you can have me...'

'Ei! _Absolutely_ not!'

A wise decision.

The Computer Research Society soon brought over our laptops. We hadn't won them _yet_, much as Mathias might like to think so, but we kinda needed them for our epic duel.

'This game is an online sword-and-sorcery battle simulator,' Kiku explained to us. 'The duel is five against five.'

'Uh huh, and the duel begins at four pm one week today! _Yahoo_!' Ugh, Alfred's already starting to annoy me. I don't need _another_ Mathias, thanks... 'Brush up on your skills, you're so gonna need it!'

He's acting like he's already won... he's also acting like he's a hero or something. Which makes me wonder, with someone like _him_ in the Computer Research Society, how does Eduard stay in charge?

'How generous of ya to give us our prizes in advance! We _should_ have a computer each, after all!'

And Mathias is acting exactly the same way...

* * *

Club seemed to be finished for the day, so we all ended up walking home together. Mathias and Tino were quite a way out in front, chatting about something or other. Berwald was intrigued by the game software. Which left me with Eirikur and the puffin. What fun.

'Ok, about this duel thing. Can we _not_ cheat please?'

Eirikur gave me a quizzical look. 'Cheat? _Us?_'

'Yep. All alien, futuristic or esper-based methods of cheating are strictly off-limits. We'll fight fairly and accept the outcome, ok?'

'Then you don't mind if we lose.'

'Nope. All we'll lose is that computer we stole from them.'

'I wasn't talking about the computer. How do you think Mathias will handle losing? He hates it. Which means closed space and Celestials. Does that not bother you?'

'I can't say I really care. Besides, he needs to learn his lesson sooner or later.' Preferably sooner, for _all_ our sanities.

Eirikur sighed, turning to stare at the road as we walked down the street. '...I guess I envy you a little in that respect.'

_Envy?_ Why would_ Eirikur_ envy me? He's the deputy, I'm the workbitch. That's like the master's wife being jealous of a slave.

Apparently, it showed on my face.

'Don't look at me like _that_, Norge... What I'm jealous of is the trust that seems to exist between Mathias and you.'

'What?' I don't have a clue what he's on about.

'Say we lose next week. Even with all you've seen, you trust Mathias enough to believe that he _won't_ create closed space. And Mathias himself believes you'll be the one to lead us to victory. He trusts you. Enough to bet his own Brigade members on the deal. That's real trust there. Although neither of you would say it, between you two is the most ideal bond of trust I've seen.'

Is there? I hadn't noticed at all. And why does Eirikur think that Mathias thinks _I'll_ be our saviour? Is this just a repeat of the baseball game but in video game form? Although, this _does_ sound interesting. Not that I'd ever admit that out loud.

'...Hmph.'

* * *

A/N: Chapter 50! I love you all! Thanks for putting up with me for fifty chapters *shot'd*

Well, Hetalia's already got its own videogame in-universe, so why not? And Japan's involved in the development, so it's perfect! I wonder if they actually remembered to put a command in for putting Denmark on a leash this time... Just as a reminder, the Computer Research Society members are Estonia, Japan, America, Latvia and Bulgaria. Why Bulgaria? Why the hell not? The members don't get any characterisation at all, so I'm expanding on that a little. [And hell, I don't even like America. The things I do for you lot... I'm kidding!]

Next chapter, it's videogame time! And Eirikur does not approve of his casting...

Until next time, nägemist~


	51. Fantasia II

A Fantasia War II - Together We Ride, But Without Horses

* * *

The next day's SOS Brigade session mostly consisted of installing the game software. Because the Computer Research bastards hadn't left us any installation instructions. What a bunch of douchebags.

'So, Hetalia Fantasia 2? Was there a Hetalia Fantasia 1?' I mused. It's a perfectly legitimate question.

'Nah, they were probably going for something cool-sounding. Doesn't make any sense!' ...Mathias, does the _SOS Brigade's_ full name make any sense? _Hypocrite_... 'Ok, looks like we gotta choose a class. I reserve the axe!'

A sudden image of Mathias rampaging around school with a huge axe... _ugh_, I shudder to think if there'd be any school left. Or worse, Mathias as a Viking berserker. That would be _beyond_ terrifying...

'Ok, I've decided!' Mathias jumped up out of his seat at the main computer and came round to each of us individually. 'Tino, you're the archer!'

'Oh, ok. Sounds great!' Ah, Tino's aiming skills that came the heck out of nowhere... Still, Tino himself seems happy with that decision.

'Awesome! Berwald... you're the big guy with the huge-ass sword, ok?' Berwald grunted in approval. I _hope_ it was approval, anyway. 'Right! Eirikur... you'd make a good healer, so that's you. Got it?'

'Why do _I_ have to be the healer?' Eirikur, on the other hand, looked rather annoyed at the choice that'd been made for him. _Eirikur_ disagreeing with something Mathias suggested? First sign of the apocalypse, that. Next thing you know, Berwald will be getting all emotional. Then we'll really be in trouble.

'Because we need a healer, duh!'

'Hmph.' Eirikur slumped back in his chair, clearly irritated. 'I'd prefer to actually _do_ something, but if that's what you want, then that's _fine_.'

'Good!' ...Once again, sarcasm is _completely_ lost on this blockhead. Hmm. I wonder what Mathias would look like with a block for a head? 'And Norge, you can fill the mage role.'

'Hm?' Mage? _Me?_ Why? Oh, the irony. Giving the magical position to the only normal guy in the Brigade... not that Mathias knows that, of course. 'That's fine by me.'

To tell the truth, magic was one of the things I held onto longest before giving up believing in stuff like that. May have been mostly to do with the friend I had at the time, though. Mathias clearly hasn't considered it, on the other hand; otherwise, we'd have a wizard in the Brigade. Which might be quite interesting, actually... no, _don't_ think stuff like that. Sod's law dictates that if you think something like that it is _going_ to happen whether you like it or not.

Sorry, got sidetracked again.

'So!' Mathias threw himself back into his chair, and ended up sliding halfway across the room. _Clever_ Mathias. 'Uh... how does this game work again?'

...I'm sorry, head, you shall have to be reacquainted with desk. Forget I said anything about clever.

In front of the laptop, of course. Otherwise I'd be slamming my head into the keyboard, which generally isn't a good idea.

'Well, the game looks simple enough,' Eirikur began to explain. 'We've each got our own health bar, and once that's depleted your character's dead. Each class has different skills and abilities to help. You win by taking the leader out.'

'So if _I_ die, we lose? That's just_ lame!_' Mathias declared loudly. Of course _he'd_ be taking the leader position. Of _course._

'Yeah, so don't do anything _stupid_ like usual, ok?' I replied. Pfft, who am I kidding? Mathias would probably just go charging in anyway.

...Leeroy Jenkins, anyone? Nei? Just me..? _Bleh._

'Looks like we're under fog of war conditions, too. We can only see a certain distance around us. We can send out scouts to increase our field of vision, but they can't attack. Essentially, just find the enemy and hit them as hard as you can. If you can actually _do_ damage, that is.'

Wow, _someone's_ bitter.

* * *

For the next week, we were attempting to practise at this stupid game... but of course, with Mathias in command, it was bound to go wrong, wasn't it?

Every. Single. Time. Mathias sent us all charging in and we were wiped out pretty quickly. Usually running straight into them. Dammit, what's the point in giving me magic if it won't let me see where I'm going? Have sticks with flames not been invented yet? That and the enemy's scouts keep getting in the way. They may not be able to attack, but they make a pretty effective barrier.

By the fifth day, one day before the official battle, Mathias was getting seriously annoyed with it.

'Argh, we got beaten again! This _dumb_ game's irritating me!'

'Because you keep rushing in,_ idiot._ You can't just charge in and expect to win.'

Mathias didn't seem too impressed with that. 'Why can't we play an _easier_ game?'

I gave him no response.

Berwald was sitting opposite me, tapping away at the keyboard long after everyone else had given up. I dunno if it was just me, but... he almost looked like he was having _fun_. I'm not sure, though. It's difficult to tell with his lack of expression.

'Hei, I meant what I said before. No cheating, ok?' Berwald just looked at me and stopped tapping.

_Hah_. Got him.

* * *

A/N: Late update is both late and really short T_T Sorry! It's exam season, forgive meeeeee...

Finland and Sweden aren't actually in Hetalia Fantasia 2 the drama CD, so I improvised for their roles. As for the game, I'm mostly going by what I know from playing Fire Emblem... it's close enough xP

Next chapter [whenever it arrives...], it's the epic battle of DEATH! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, they're funny 'cause they're truuuuuue~

Until next time, dovíždane~


	52. Fantasia III

A Fantasia War III - Cornflakes

* * *

The day of the battle had finally arrived after a week. Which exactly what it was _supposed_ to do. They say time flies when you're having fun, but... Mathias had insisted repeatedly that it wasn't supposed to be fun and our goal was to crush the Computer Research Society into tiny little pieces and eat them for breakfast. Coming to a store near you, von Bock Cornflakes! Now with an excess of protein!

We were all ready. The Computer Research Society were probably all ready. Now to wait until the clock reached precisely four pm... but with Mathias in charge, that waiting period was far from quiet.

'Today's the day we smash those geeks for good! This battle will decide the destiny of the empire!' he yelled. It would have had a little more effect were he not sat at a computer, and in fact at the front of our little group ready to actually lead us into battle. I could imagine him standing at the head, axe slung over his shoulder, standing proud... wait, what? _Focus_, idiot! And what empire, anyway? 'I'll talk to the Board of Education one day and get them to open branches of the SOS Brigade all over the world! We're obviously going to win this duel, but I won't allow any slacking!'

I sighed. 'Where does he get that energy from? I want some...' I muttered to myself. Completely forgetting Mathias' almost-supernatural hearing ability.

'Oh yeah? Want me to pound some into you?'

Then I made the mistake of looking away from the computer and towards Mathias' desk. Why a mistake? Because Mathias wasn't at his desk- he was right next to me, staring me in the face.

...As opposed to staring me anywhere else. But still, what the heck?

Mathias stood up straight and grinned. 'Hehe! Bet that helped!'

'...How is that supposed to do _anything?_'

'I charged my glare with energy!' ...a typically nonsensical answer. 'You probably felt your body getting warmer! Maybe you're sweating! You feel it, don't you?'

'Nei, I felt like my life was in danger.'

'Aww, Nor, come on! Ya must have felt something! Or can you just not _handle_ me?' ...what's that supposed to mean? Really?

'Mathias,' Eirikur piped up from next to me, 'before you descend _fully_ into innuendo, the game's about to start.'

Innu... wha- oh, Eirikur, you _bastard._

Mathias just gave me one last stupid grin and went to sit back at his computer. Numbers appeared on the screen in an almost-illegible font... I _think_ they were counting down to zero. At the very least, I could read the word 'START' when it flashed onto the screen.

'_Charge!_' Mathias shouted.

The battle had begun.

* * *

It didn't take too long to find my first opponent. I headed over to a spot in a forested area when I noticed one of my scouts disappear. Since they can't attack, there must be someone there, nei?

Huh. Looks like an archer. After all, it's only archers and mages that can attack long-range, and I didn't see anyone within the scout's sight bubble thing. Argh, this 'fog of war' is _really_ annoying.

Berwald managed to push the archer over in my direction, and it didn't take too long to take him out. One thing I learned over the week was that archers can't attack from too close. I, however, can. Because I'm_ magical_. The archer did a fair bit of damage to me, but I took him down with relative ease.

Speaking of Berwald, he seems to be controlling his scouts and himself at the same time, and that takes some _serious_ skill. Then again, this is Berwald. He'd probably be able to control fifty different things at once.

'Looks like they're trying to lure us in,' Eirikur commented. 'Best to stay on guard, ok?'

Since Mathias just sends everyone charging in, Eirikur had taken the role of tactician. I suppose at least then he _feels_ useful...

'Sounds like a good idea.' Eirikur moved his character over to mine to heal me up. See, his character _is_ useful. Just... not offensively. Once Eirikur'd healed me, I carried on forwards-

straight into the enemy in the 'Hero' class. _Faen._

'Norge! Pull back!' Eirikur ordered, and for good reason. Mages have great magical resistance, but put them anywhere near a sword and they practically _deflate_. Yeah, mages are balloons. I did exactly that, but the 'hero' kept following me. How? How did he figure out where I was? I can't see any of his scouts around...

Then I noticed the 'hero''s health bar deplete to about halfway. Tino had managed to land a critical hit on him.

'Hei, thanks,' I said to Tino, sitting diagonally opposite me on the table. As in, opposite Eirikur.

'Hehe, no problem!' Tino smiled, then went back to concentrating on the game.

Of course, that didn't stop the enemy completely. It continued for a while... we ran straight into them, and while we managed to do some damage, this 'hero' just escaped again. The old hit-and-run tactic, eh..?

'Dammit, he got away.'

'Joo, same over here. Just did some damage and left.' Tino seemed to be _really_ getting into this now. This is a completely different Tino to the one that was forcibly dragged into the Brigade at the beginning of the year... hell, this one's behaving like Future-Tino. Interesting...

Something had been bothering me for a while, though. The Computer Research Society always seemed to know where we were. _How_ did they manage that?

'Argh, they keep attacking me!' Mathias shouted.

'I need a little time to recover - stay there and I'll come over and heal you,' Eirikur replied.

'No way! I'm going to find their leader and _pummel_ him to bits!'

'Idiot. That's just going to get you_ killed_, and then we lose!'

'I don't_ care!_ Leaders against leaders!'

Suddenly our field of vision increased by a huge amount. _How_... that was Berwald, wasn't it?

'Hm. Duplication spell,' Eirikur commented, as though it was nothing unusual.

'Wha- how? _I'm_ the magic user, aren't I?'

Eirikur sighed. 'Didn't you _read_ the manual?'

'Uh... I flicked through it once?'

'Well, no wonder. Right at the back, it mentions that each unit has access to a duplication spell, whether they're a magic user or not. It creates twenty copies of the same unit with the same weapons, but a reduced life bar - all controlled at once. Nobody was using it because it's not humanly possible to control twenty units at the same time.'

Not _humanly_ possible, huh...

Sure enough, Berwald was hammering away on the keyboard at speeds no human could hope to reach. Tino was staring at the rapid hand movements as though he were scared that it'd grow a head and bite him... wait, bad analogy.

'...Aren't you afraid you'll break the keyboard?' Tino asked.

Berwald gave no response, just carried on pounding the keys. I got up and walked round the table to see what he was doing... wait. What was he doing? That doesn't look like the gameplay screen at all, that looks more like he's breaking into the program.

'Hei, Berwald.' I tried to get Berwald's attention... the screen reflecting off his glasses was pretty creepy-looking from where I was sitting a moment ago.

'...wha'?' he replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.

'I thought I told you we weren't cheating.'

'...'m not. 'm adhering t'the rules of th'game.'

'_Really?_'

'Mm. Th'Computer Research Society are the cheating ones.'

'Th-they _are?_' That explains so much... _bastards._

'Mm. They turned th'fog 'f war setting off. From th'start, they've been able t'see our every movement.'

It's incredible... I _actually_ understood what he said. 'But still, if we cheat we're no better than they are.'

'I said 'm not cheating. 'm modifying th'program in a level that's consistent with current Earth technology t'ensure equal playing conditions.' Berwald stopped tapping and turned his head to stare at me. 'May I?'

I stared back into his cyan eyes, hidden behind those glasses. Berwald was doing all that for... _why?_ Berwald... are you doing this because you personally want to win? It did look like you were having fun...

'Ok, then. Let's do it.'

Berwald turned back to his computer. ''s done.' He pushed the enter key.

* * *

The next part of the game was actually pretty simple now we were even. They'd managed to take out Tino somehow, but that only earned a revenge kill for their mage from Berwald's nearest unit. Protective, isn't he?

Mathias himself managed to find their healer and smashed him in one hit. Which left the leader all alone, no chance of healing, scouts too far away to use.

Excellent. My turn.

Berwald used his multiple units to force the leader towards me and Mathias.

'Mathias!' I called. 'Let's take this bastard out together!'

'Hell yeah! Smash him to pieces and we'll have his head on display in the clubroom!'

...Wouldn't the head start rotting? That's going to stink like _hell_...

Anyway, I had a few uses of my strongest move left- and that's when my special ability kicked in. On less than thirty percent health, mages' spells have a chance of putting the opponent to sleep. I launched an attack on the leader, and that left him a sitting duck just ready to be hacked to pieces by Mathias and his axe.

With one final blow from Mathias, the leader's health bar hit zero. Killing his character. A little message flashed onto all our screens, saying 'You win!'.

Well, no _shit_, Sherlock.

* * *

We were greeted a few minutes later by an incredibly depressed Computer Research Society. All five of them. Well, I say depressed... Alfred, was it? Alfred was fuming.

'Dammit, dammit, _dammit!_ How did _that_ happen? I was supposed to be the hero, but I got beat first! What the _hell?_' ...Well, now we know who the 'hero' was. _Typical._

'Calm down, Alfred. Or is it the punishing stick for you?' That was the taller black-haired guy.

'Noooo! Not the punishing stick!' What an... unusual method of torture.

'Guys, please!' Eduard adjusted his glasses. 'Ahem. Looks like we lost. I suppose an apology is in order...' Yeah, you cheating _bastards._ 'But I can't... I can't believe someone managed to rewrite the software during gameplay.'

'Y-yeah...' The shaking little blond guy found a voice from somewhere. 'Whoever did that must be some kind of super-hacker...'

'What're ya mumbling about? You _lost!_' Mathias was enjoying rubbing it in their faces, wasn't he? 'And ya remember your promise? These laptops belong to the SOS Brigade now! And no backing out!'

'Um, excuse me?' Eduard turned his attention to me. What did _I_ do? 'Tell me... who was it that cracked the program..? Oh, never mind, I think I know...'

Do you? _Berwald_...

'Hei...' Eduard started. Then Berwald looked up from his book. '_Ohyaaaaa!_ Scary!'

Was it really..? Poor Berwald, people are scared of your face...

'A-ahem! Uh... we were wondering... if you'd... consider taking part in Computer Research Society activities?' The last part was garbled a little thanks to Eduard talking _really_ quickly, but I could still understand it, which is a bonus.

_Great._ Now he's trying to recruit Berwald.

'Whoa, whoa, hang on there!' Mathias stood up in protest. 'Ya can't just go stealing Berwald without asking me first! He's our silent character, and _I_ saw him first!'

'Hei, Mathias...' I grabbed his arm which had been pointing at Eduard's face. 'Hold on a second.'

See, even a Humanoid Interface designed for contact with organic lifeforms has to have other interests, right? I can't be too sure, but it really _did_ look like Berwald was having fun there. And I bet he gets tired of observing Mathias all the time. I know I would...

'If you want to go, then go ahead. Do what you like.'

Berwald stared at me for a moment, then turned back to his book. '...oh. Maybe I will.'

'_Really?_' I've never seen a guy's eyes light up so quickly. 'Aitäh!'

'Huh? Oh, well, I guess it's ok if Berwald's ok with it. Oh, ja! You lost!'

'We know,' Eduard replied.

'You know what _that_ means! As the losers, you have to do whatever the winners tell you to do!' Eduard's face quickly fell. Like a brick falling off a cliff. Why a brick? Why not? 'All ya need to do is swear absolute loyalty to me!'

'Wh... that's just...' And Eduard is once again reduced to a pile of gibbering goo.

'Oh, don't worry!' There was an annoying sing-song-y tone to Mathias' voice. 'I'll treat you well... I might even let you join the Brigade!'

I doubt that's what he wants.

I glanced back over at Berwald, who was reading his book in his usual silence... What interested me was what he was doing with the hand that wasn't holding the book.

Tapping. Like on a keyboard.

I think Berwald's going to have fun over at the Computer Research Society.

* * *

A/N: Nothing to do all day today... so why not write? Hehe xD [Norge? Really? Mathias wants to put Eesti's head on display, and you're worried about the smell?]

America was the hero, of course... Again, I'm going by Fire Emblem classes, so in Mathias' words America would be the 'big guy with the huge-ass sword'. Latvia's the healer, Bulgaria's the archer, Estonia's the leader and Japan's the mage. Since Japan actually is a mage in Fantasia 2 and all. [Next chapter probably won't come until after the weekend, since I'll be going to a Pride parade~ T'will be much fun.]

Next chapter, we backtrack a little and finish off the Mystérique Sign storyline... basically, I picked up the manga and it had a chapter that wasn't in the anime and I couldn't find a good place to fit it in, so... yeah.

Until next time, visu labu~


	53. Mysterique IV

Mystérique Sign Returns I - Technologically Advanced Grandma

* * *

Sometimes, being a part of the SOS Brigade _really_ ruins any chance of having a peaceful time off.

It was the beginning of summer, not too long after we rescued the Computer Research Society President from the camel cricket. Well, I say 'we'... it was more like Eirikur and Berwald. Especially Berwald. But that's beside the point.

Anyway, the President wasn't the only person affected by the lifeform responsible. Thanks to Mathias' splodge of colour he called a logo, eight other people had been captured by that thing. The five other North High students were relatively simple to take care of, all things considered. That left three. Eirikur took care of one, Berwald of another, but one _particular_ name stood out to me as being way too much of a coincidence.

Right on the list of names Eirikur had procured was my grandmother's name.

How... _irritating._

My brother and I visit our grandparents every summer. It's a little village in the middle of nowhere. And it's pretty far north in Norway, so it's _damned_ cold, too. Still, it's usually enjoyable.

Key word here being 'usually'. We noticed that something _really_ wasn't right the moment we got there. It's normally peaceful out here, but there was a panicked air about the place that really didn't sit well with me.

Yeah, you guessed it. My grandmother had vanished without a trace.

* * *

My grandfather was the first to meet us when we arrived after a long train journey.

'Sorry about all this. To come all the way out here and run into a mess like this...' he apologised.

'It's fine, really,' I replied.

My grandfather is... to put it bluntly, really old. He's got the same weird haircurl thing as me... well, I suppose that's where I get it from. Curse you, grandfather!

We headed into our grandparents' house. My brother dumped his stuff down on the floor and ran out to play outside. Can't he wait for just a _little_ while?

Still, this is a decent opportunity to start asking about my grandmother's sudden disappearance-

'Oh, haven't you _grown?_'

...or not. Feh, grandparents _always_ do that. Even though I'm pretty sure I haven't actually grown since the last time I saw them. In fact, it's probably him that's shrunk.

My grandfather brought me a coffee out and sat down at the table.

'We simply can't do anything about it...' he sighed. 'It's as if she had been spirited away.'

Spirited away indeed... but by an alien lifeform that got itself lodged in her brain, not the trolls and faeries he's thinking of. Always a strong believer in magical spirits, my grandfather.

'I take it you've searched everywhere?'

'Indeed we have, and she's nowhere to be found. We'll be searching again tomorrow, but it's unlikely that we'll find anything at all.'

Sigh... _such_ optimism.

* * *

Of course, my brother being my brother, he got bored pretty easily and came inside.

'Why's no-one paying any attention to me?' he began complaining. He does this frequently.

'Because it's an emergency, that's why. Act more seriously.'

'But there's nothing to worry about, Norge! Grandma's just playing hide-and-seek!'

Wait, _what?_

'Every time we come here, Grandma hides herself away somewhere, and I go find her! That's what we _always_ do...'

'News to me.' I can't say I ever noticed before...

'But I usually find her in no time. Must have hidden really well...'

You know, he may be my brother, but I do worry about him sometimes. It seems like he never grows up at all.

'It doesn't matter. I'll find Grandma!' He's always so cheerful... and a bit annoying. 'Grandpaaaa!'

He ran around the table to where our grandfather was sitting, drinking coffee, and started interrogating him. He reminds me a bit of Mathias when he does that, actually.

'So what happened when Grandma disappeared?' he asked.

'Well...' my grandfather started, 'when I went to bed she was down here on the settee, and when I went down in the morning she'd gone. That is all.'

'Hmm...' My brother pulled a rather over-the-top thinking pose, then pointed at me. 'What do you think, Watson?'

Hei, why am _I_ Watson? You, my little brother, are _certainly_ no Sherlock.

'How do you know she disappeared in here?' I thought out loud.

'I know because she left _this_ in here.' My grandfather handed me a... phone? 'She's been hooked on that recently.'

Ah, yes, she does have a way with technology... not something you expect from someone as old as her.

'Wow... this thing's newer than mine.'

'Watson!' my brother shouted. 'Valuable evidence!'

'What have I _told_ you about shouting in my face?'

My grandfather laughed... a little bit, anyway. 'I don't understand these things. Keep it as a memento, if you like.'

He's _that_ resigned, is he..? Eh, I took the phone anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Besides, I've got 'treatment' to carry out.

* * *

I got in contact with Eirikur later. I figured I may as well report back on what I've got, especially since I'm starting to figure it out.

'...I think what happened is that my grandmother saw the picture on her phone, which is why she's vanished.' You have to wonder how she came across that picture in the first place, but that's irrelevant right now.

'That sounds like a fair assumption.' Eirikur's voice sounded a little muffled through my phone. 'You probably ought to begin treatment, then. You have the item?'

The item... I searched through my suitcase and found the item in question. A pair of glasses, identical to the ones Berwald wears. 'Ja, got it. Didn't want to use it at my relatives' house, though...'

I remembered Berwald's explanation. He told us that the lifeform existed in this universe, but 'out of phase'... in other words, invisible. The glasses were to help us to see the lifeform, and he trusted us to know what to do from there... as long as we kept looking at the thing, _whatever_ form it took. It took the form of a camel cricket before due to the President's phobia of bugs, or so we assume.

'Save the sentiment for later. I must say, your grandmother is surprisingly up to date with technology.'

'That's just how she is.'

'Indeed. She must have found the logo while searching for her grandson's school.'

Looking for me..? Ugh, typical. Not that _I_ can talk. I haven't even _tried_ to take pictures with my phone. I guess I just take after my grandfather... Maybe once I've figured it out, I should take pictures of the SOS Brigade and send them to her, just to show her how I'm doing. I mean, it can't be too hard to figure out... can it?

'Oh, and Norge?' Eirikur continued. 'Good luck.'

_Beep_. He hung up.

...forget it. There's no point in sending her photos of the Brigade.

It'd only make them worry.

* * *

A/N: ...This is normally the bit where I respond to reviews from the previous chapter, but everyone seems to have vanished T_T

So yeah, this takes place after Chapter 21. I've been meaning to do this one for a while, but couldn't find a decent place to fit it in... I just wanted to give Sea-kun more screentime! Which, admittedly, he didn't get much of, but... Oh well. Week off school, so possibly more frequent updates? [Which reminds me, only one more episode's worth of anime left, then it's Disappearance. Which I'm really, really looking forward to writing ^^]

Next chapter, Doctor Norge administers the 'treatment'.

Until next time, goodbye~


	54. Mysterique V

Mystérique Sign Returns II - Treatment In The Dark

* * *

Later that evening I snuck downstairs, after everyone else was in bed. Whether they were sleeping or not... I can't say I really cared at that point. I just wanted to get this 'treatment' done quickly.

Our grandparents' house is reasonably large, and the 'treatment' required the house to be dark. That made getting down to the living room more difficult than I thought it would be. And with everyone out of the way, all I could hear was the ticking of clocks. It was _rather_ creepy.

Ugh. Why must this treatment be so complex? Seriously, Berwald, could you not have thought of something better..?

Rule one: Surroundings must be dark- _ow_, my foot. Yep, it's dark. I can't see a_ damned_ thing.

Rule two: Must be able to clearly see the enemy. I _think_ that's what the glasses are for.

Right, I think this is the living room- yeah, _that's_ the sofa. Ok, let's get started, then. A manifestation of my grandmother's fear... I dread to think what's going to show up. Still, it has to be done...

oh, to hell with this. I took the glasses from my pocket and put them on-

only to find myself staring straight into an angry Mathias' face.

What the _hell?_

Quickly, I pulled out my phone and dialled Berwald's number. He was swift to respond... well, does he even _do_ anything in the evenings?

'...what?'

'Berwald, I followed your instructions... but I saw Mathias?'

'Wipe th'lenses.' _Huh?_ 'Th'glasses don't improve hum'n vision, only make surrounding data vis'ble. Dust provides unnecess'ry data.'

Oh, right, so it must have picked up some dust from the Brigade clubroom. And I saw Mathias... Is this 'dust' trying to tell me something? Dust has some _weird_ hobbies. Never thought I'd see dust getting into psychometry...

I placed the phone on the table after turning speakerphone on, wiped the lenses clear, then put them back on.

Suddenly the room was full of people. In fact, you could barely call it a room any more.

More like a whole village just sprouted in my grandparents' living room.

* * *

I heard voices, and lots of them. I wasn't sure if they'd noticed me until a little girl started pointing at me. Were these people the villagers?

'...the oldest son's bride... behave a bit more...' I could only pick out a few phrases clearly, and they didn't seem to make much sense. _Bride?_ '...cheeky mouth of hers...'

Were they talking about my grandmother? If this was her imagination...

Wait. One figure in particular stood out. Dressed in some kind of naval uniform... I found myself standing face-to-face with, uh... _myself._ Right down to the funny curl and hairclip. I believe this situation can be accurately summed up in a single word.

_What?_

Berwald had told me to keep eye contact and make sure I got a clear look at everything, but this is just _weird._ I heard the crackle of Berwald's breathing through the phone, then he spoke again.

'Should make 'move soon.'

A sudden slamming noise? That wasn't from either Berwald or the villagers, which meant...

'Grandmaaaa!' My brother. _Faen._ He heard me from all the way up _there?_ 'I thought you were just hiding! I'm coming down now!'

_Nei_, don't come down! You'll ruin everything! But I've got to keep looking at the villagers...

'You hid during the day and snuck back in because you were hungry!'

'That's not it, _idiot!_ Don't come in!' I yelled back at him.

'Huh? Norge, you're here too? Hmm...' The door opened with a creak. 'Hey, where's the light switch?'

The other me suddenly changed his demeanour completely. This is _bad_... he changed the moment he heard something about light?

''t's coming.' Berwald, takk, but I think that's clear by now.

The other me pulled out a dagger and leapt at me. Keep eye contact, keep eye contact... that's kinda difficult when you're fearing for your life!

'Don't look'way.' Easy for _you_ to say... 'Look through your glasses or th'treatment'll fail.'

The other me was getting closer and closer. I was going to get stabbed by_ myself?_ What kind of _crazed_ imagination does my grandmother have?

_Click._

Light flooded the room, and the villagers vanished... including the other me. My brother peeked his head in through the doorway, then ran over to the table.

'I found Grandma!'

There, lying unconscious on the other side of the table, was my grandmother.

* * *

Naturally, with such a close-knit community as this particular village, the news that she'd been found spread quickly in the morning. Thanks to my brother, now everyone believes it was just a game of hide-and-seek that got a bit out of hand, which left my grandmother with some rather awkward explaining to do.

Of course, my brother was taking full credit for it. Such an _annoying_ little person...

Then again, he takes more after _her_ than I do. She was just laughing it off as she always does.

'I don't know how to make this up to everyone... Sorry for scaring you all!' she smiled. 'At least you found a good opportunity to go drinking, didn't you?'

'You're not supposed to mention _that!_' replied one of the villagers.

Huh. Drunkards, eh... I know at least _one_ of them.

Well, looks like I managed to pull it off, at least. Cutting it close, as always, but that's the SOS Brigade way of doing things. Naturally, I was in contact with Berwald in the morning, after I finally got some sleep that night.

'Managed it.'

'...'n the glasses?'

'Perfectly fine, apart from this big splodge. I assume that's the lifeform?'

''ncomplete.'

'Huh?'

'Th'lifeform was afraid'f light, or afraid'f entering another person through light d'ffusion. It needed t'enter you specif'cally. Phones have a lower res'lution than a computer, so the lifeform d'minished 'tself. It needed t'enter you b'cause you've seen the full version.'

'..._right_.' Not that I understood a word of that... 'Anyway, I need to go now. See you... when we head off on Eirikur's little excursion he's planned for us.'

No response, so I hung up.

'Ah, you're done. I forgot...' my grandmother asked, 'do you like sweets?'

'Of course I do. Takk.' She handed me a small cake. Mmm, _cake._

Although, something was still bothering me. It was an embodiment of my grandmother's fears... so who on _earth_ was that other version of me?

'Now, you and your brother enjoy yourselves, ok?' She said it kindly enough, but I could tell it was almost meant as an order.

'Ja, we will.'

We spent a few days with our grandparents before it was time to return home. Hmm... my grandfather had always been a part of this village, then my grandmother came from outside and married him...

Oh yeah, grandmother's orders. If she died, we had to call a funeral home with _her_ phone, rather than doing things the extra-long way like the rest of the village would.

We were sat on the train on the way home, my brother asleep on my shoulder, when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I took it out, and it was from my grandmother. She's much too good with technology...

A photo of... _me?_ Why's she sending me _that?_ Wait, that looks like the uniform the other me was wearing. Oh, an attached message.

'This is a photo of your grandfather when he was young. He looks just like you ^^ [It's my wallpaper!]'

...oh. Suddenly that explains _everything._

So that vision was a metaphor for the village community, was it..?

You know what? Maybe I should send her some photos of the SOS Brigade. It'd make a decent impression, at least.

Oh, I should probably reply to my grandmother...

'Grandpa was handsome, wasn't he? ~Your grandson'

And... _send._

* * *

A/N: Yay, reviews! Yes, Norge and his grandfather are... quite alike, nei? [Yeah... Sea-kun just makes a better annoying little brother than Iceland does.]

Ah, Disappearance was the movie of epicness~ And it's also a perfect opportunity to squeeze some more DenNor into this fic! *shot'd*

Next time, it's a bit cold. And Norge is once again given the wonderful title of... workbitch. [My favourite word xD]

Until next time, adjø~


	55. Someday I

Someday In The Rain I - The Epic Heater Quest

* * *

The Arts Festival and the complete chaos it brought with it were all over now. The wind was picking up, and there was a sudden chill in the air. It was pretty clear that December was almost here, in case people couldn't tell from the Christmas decorations lining the windows already. Some people just _do_ that. It's ridiculous.

Of course, the building housing our clubroom has been here since the school was first built. And with walls as thin as this, even though we were inside, we could still feel the cold as if we were stood in a pile of snow. Which isn't a good idea, I don't recommend it to anyone. Seriously.

As has happened once too often, Mathias was the only one not at the clubroom that day. Berwald was engrossed in yet _another_ book, Eirikur and I were playing card games, and Tino, having given everyone their coffees already, was sat sketching something by the window. He kept looking up at us, but refused to show the sketch to me when I asked, saying it 'wasn't finished'. Fair enough, I guess. We could hear music playing from the Wind Ensemble downstairs, which was _clearly_ still in the practice stages.

By which I mean utterly awful.

You know, the SOS Brigade does seem to get involved in a whole lot of weird stuff - well, more like _I_ get involved, I'm usually the one that's got to keep Mathias under control - but that doesn't mean something strange has to happen _every_ day. Which is by no means a bad thing. If something strange _did_ happen every day, I think I would have died from some stress-related illness by now.

Still... when Mathias isn't around, it's _really_ quiet. I guess I feel a little nervous when he's not there... mainly because it means when he _does_ show his stupid face, he's got something planned. Maybe it's a bit _too_ quiet right now...

I looked around the room. A few odd sticks that fell out of Mathias' Midsummer bonfire bundle had been propped up against the window. There were photos from our trip to Sadik Adnan's island pinned to the board, and not_ all_ of them were that flattering... All Tino's costumes were hung up behind our whiteboard-on-wheels, and even some hanging off said board. Including the red bunny ears. A copy of Hetalia Fantasia 2 was sitting on the edge of Mathias' computer table, along with our spoils- I mean, four laptops.

It's hard to believe it's been a whole six months since the SOS Brigade started now. Six months since I met Mathias, Tino, Eirikur, Berwald... We've been through a lot together. And yeah, _most_ of it was Mathias' fault, but not quite all of it.

And one thing I knew for sure by now was that peaceful moments like this _never_ lasted.

* * *

The door flew open, and in burst Hurricane Mathias.

'Hej! I have some awesome news!'

...Awesome for _whom?_ When Mathias declares something to be 'awesome', that's rarely ever been the case... particularly for Tino and me.

'Ja, what is it _this_ time?'

'It's really cold in here, so I've got everything set up for us to get a heater!' Mathias made his way over to his usual computer seat, sat in said seat and grinned at me. 'Ya know Eli's electronics store?'

Eli... Elisaveta? Oh, crap... last time we went_ there_ she ended up doing little more than taking photos of us in awkward positions.

Tino scooted over to bring Mathias his coffee.

'...ja, I know the one. What about it?'

'I... pulled some strings, and now she's giving us a heater for free!' ...I don't want to know what he promised for her _this_ time... 'It's an old model that's been sitting around for ages, and they wanted to get rid of it, so I offered to take it off their hands!'

And _Mathias_ was the first person they thought of? How... _kind_ of them.

'Ok, Nor! I want you to go to the store and pick it up right now!'

'Right now?'

'Right now!' Why can't he get it _himself?_ _He_ was the one who asked for it.

Tino gave Mathias his coffee, which he started drinking immediately. Having done that, Tino then went around the main table, collecting everyone's empty coffee mugs.

'You want me to go down that _huge_ hill to a store that's two train stations away _and_ back again, just to bring back a heater?'

'Ja! If ya don't go now, Eli's family might change their minds!'

'I wouldn't be surprised if they did...' I mean, who in their right minds would give a heater to _Mathias_ for free?

'Exactly! So off you go! You're bored anyway, aren't you?'

...so just sitting here is enough to label you as 'bored' now, is it? In that case we must all be eternally bored... Køhler logic strikes again.

'Why can't_ you_ go?'

'I've got important stuff to do back here! Eirikur's my deputy and you're just a regular member,' read: workbitch/slave... 'so it's your job to do what I tell you! That's the way it works in groups!'

'_Fine_, I'll go.' I suppose it's not as stupid as _some_ of the things he's asked me to do, and better _I_ go than anyone else.

And I guess we _do_ need a heater. It _is_ a bit chilly in here.

I'd put my coat on and was just about to leave the clubroom, when-

'Ah- wait a moment!' Tino stopped me. I turned to face him, and he put a scarf around my neck. 'I heard it's going to be extra cold today, so be careful!'

'Oh, takk-'

'Hurry up and _go!_' Mathias yelled from across the room. Sigh... so _impatient_. Tino backed off a little, and I left the clubroom properly, shutting the door behind me.

This was going to be a _long_ evening.

* * *

The school was almost completely empty by this point. I'll spare the details of my _scintillating_ walk out of school, because it really isn't that interesting.

The first day I had to climb this hill to get to school, I hated it. Now, having traversed this _particular_ stretch of road twice every day for the last six months, ignoring holidays and weekends, I've just got used to it. It's funny the things you become accustomed to...

Hmm. I wonder what this 'important stuff' Mathias had to do was? I hope he hasn't got bored and started treating Tino like a 'toy' again... because I never actually got the opportunity to punch him for that.

It's a long walk from school to the train station. It was pretty late in the day, so the roads were mostly clear. Still, the occasional lorry stopped me getting too spaced out. Because I do that sometimes, when I'm walking along and nobody's around to distract me.

Anyhoo, I arrived at the train station without any _major_ incidents. Sometimes, I appreciate the time to myself, but _still_... I got a ticket and moved onto the platform.

Waiting for the train got boring pretty quickly. Luckily nobody was around, so I got a seat, instead of having to wait in a crowd. Ugh. Crowds. Trains at rush hour are an absolute nightmare. It's when you can't breathe and you're squashed up against a pole that you know there's a problem.

By the time the train finally arrived at the station, a couple of girls from World Academy, that posh girls' school down the road, had appeared on the platform. I ended up stood next to them on the train. That's the trouble with being in the middle of the line. People get on before you and take all the seats. The girls were engrossed in their own merry conversation anyway. I don't even know what they were talking about, I wasn't really listening. Whatever it was, it was apparently hilarious, since they kept laughing. Loudly.

Once the train had arrived, it didn't take too long for me to reach Héderváry Electronics.

I am_ not_ looking forward to meeting with Elisaveta again.

* * *

A/N: Yep. Norge's a narcissist. Totally. And Berwald's just unintelligible anyway, so... yeah.

Most of this episode [originally] features Mikuru changing, but that's kinda difficult to do in first-person, so I'm leaving it out. Let Norge find out the hard way, eh? Poor Tino...

Next chapter, a wild HEATER appears! What will NORGE do?

Until next time, moi moi~


	56. Someday II

Someday in the Rain II - It Was A Dark And Stormy Evening

* * *

Héderváry Electronics was as empty as you'd expect. Looks like Mathias' advertising did diddly squat. Not that anyone except Mathias himself expected anything else.

Elisaveta seemed to know exactly what I'd come for as soon as she saw me, since she immediately headed straight into the back of the store. Either that, or she was running scared from my blank indifference.

She came back not too long after, carrying a rather large box. Just a plain cardboard box, nothing written on it. I'd guess it wasn't the original box for this heater. Either way, it looks just large enough to fit my brother inside. Hmm, _plans_...

'Here you go! One heater!' she smiled at me, and handed over the box. It was a bit heavier than it looked. 'Sure you can carry it all the way back to school ok? I know it's a long way.'

'Nei, I'll be fine.'

'So tell me... Norge, was it? How's the rest of your little gang doing?'

See the warning signs. Big flashing red ones. Big flashing red ones covered in sparkles... with a fez. In fact, forget the warning signs, just stick a sparkly fez on the problem.

'They're... doing fine. Why?'

'Well, you came by yourself. Is Mathias busy with something?' She looked almost... _disappointed_. Many apologies, but I didn't _ask_ to be part of your personal 'collection'.

'Something. He's getting on my nerves a bit, if I'm honest.'

'Oh really?' she giggled. _Not_ good. 'So are you two together or what?'

If I'd had a drink at that time, Elisaveta would be covered in it.

'_What?_ What makes you think that?'

'When you hang around guys as long as I have, you get an eye for this sort of thing.' _Do_ you, now... 'I'm in your class, _idiot_. He's been bothering you for months and it's pretty clear you like it. Why else would you put up with it?'

'...Because otherwise he'd make life a living hell?'

'Excuses, excuses. You _clearly_ have a thing for him.' This irritating Hungarian was seriously annoying me now. Why is everyone so convinced that's the case?

'I most certainly do not. I'm grateful for the heater, but I'm leaving now.' If all else fails, escape. I didn't want to deal with this _fangirl_ anyway.

'Ah, wait! Mathias mentioned something about a sequel, is that true?' ...I was about to leave, can't it wait?

I sighed. Mathias and his big mouth... 'If _he_ says we're making a sequel, we're making a sequel.'

'Oh, _good!_ In that case, you can call the heater a donation towards the sequel!' she smiled the most innocent of smiles, ironic considering what she's said to me so far. I'm sure the heater's worth far more than you're ever going to get out of another movie from the SOS Brigade... so _that's_ what Mathias promised. _Brilliant_. 'Now, if you're going, send the rest of your gang my love. And yours, too, if you catch my drift.'

Drift definitely not caught. Drift used as a trampoline to flee from these accusations. Drift is rather bouncy.

* * *

One long train ride later, and the box containing the heater and I were making our way back up that overly large hill. That's when I found myself bumping into two rather _familiar_ faces.

'Oh, Norge!' Yeah, you guessed it. Feliks and Toris. 'Like, whatcha doing down here?'

'Slave labour. Isn't that obvious?'

'Oh yah. _Duh_. For Mathias, right?'

'Of course.' Who _else_ would I be carting this thing around for? None of the rest of the Brigade would even consider asking.

'Haha, told ya,' Feliks looked smugly at Toris. Huh. Looks like six months was all it took my class to comprehend my situation... and end up getting _completely_ the wrong idea.

'Taip, you did... Anyway, Norge,' Toris turned his attention back to me, 'you're a hard worker, aren't you?'

'You're telling _me_ that?' If Mathias needs some manual labour done, I'm always the one he turns to. Every single time. It's so _damned_ annoying.

'Yah... Well, like, see ya.' Feliks waved as he and Toris left, leaving me and the heater to _battle_ our way up the hill. And even worse, it had just started to rain.

The weather forecast had given a ten percent chance of rain for today... _typical_. _Never_ trust a weather forecast. Approximately ninety-six and a half percent of the time, they're completely wrong. The remaining three and a half percent, they're only slightly wrong. I just hope this rain doesn't turn into a complete downpour... because that would just be the _perfect_ end to a _wonderful_ day of slavery.

_Never_ have I wanted to be in the clubroom more than right now. First thing I'm going to do when I get back is grab a mug of hot coffee and warm myself up. This November air is more than a little on the chilly side.

Argh, this heater is _really_ heavy.

* * *

At long last, I arrived back on school premises. I headed straight up to the clubroom, only stopping off at the lockers to put this heater down for a while and warm my hands up a little. Then Gilbert showed his face. I'm running into everyone today, aren't I?

'Hallo, Norge! Running errands, are you?'

'Oh, hei, Gilbert. Ja, errands.'

'Aha! So _that's_ why...' he trailed off somewhere into the hills far away, the end of that sentence never to be seen.

'Why _what?_' This was _quite_ worrying. What had they been up to..?

'Haha, nothing, you hard worker, you! Anyway, you're soaked. Here!' Gilbert pulled a handkerchief out of his coat pocket and merely flung it over my head.

'Oh, takk.'

'It's nothing! Just give my _awesome_ handkerchief back to Tino when you give him his scarf! Tschüss!' And with that, the loudmouth departed. Huh. He's nice enough, but does he _really_ have to describe everything related to him as 'awesome'..? I guess he's kinda like an exaggerated version of Mathias in that respect.

Once I'd finished drying my hair off with Gilbert's handkerchief, making sure to _carefully_ reposition my hairclip afterwards, I carried the heater up to the clubroom. Having set the cardboard box down on the floor, I opened the door, fully expecting Mathias to start yelling at me for being late or something.

As it turns out, though, Mathias wasn't even in the clubroom. And neither were Tino or Eirikur. The only one there was Berwald, still stuck in that book of his. _This_ was suspicious. Eirikur _always_ agrees with Mathias' crazy schemes, and with me not there to keep him under control... ugh, I dread to _think_ what they're getting up to. But still, there's not really much I can do about it now.

'Hei,' I called to Berwald, kicking the door shut behind me. He gave no verbal response, simply nodded. I put the heater down next to Mathias' computer desk. There really wasn't much point asking where the others went... after all, there were a few costumes missing from Tino's rack behind the whiteboard, so that gave me a decent clue. Oh, Mathias... _why?_

I took off Tino's scarf and left it along with Gilbert's handkerchief in a pile on the end of the main table. Hmm... it was still _really_ cold in here. To be expected, really. It's not like the room's going to suddenly sprout insulation while I was gone. That'd just be _cruel_.

Sigh... dragging that heater up that hill _really_ wore me out. And worse? I was going to have to go straight back _down_ that hill when I go home later. I opened the box and took the heater out. Huh, so you just plug the thing in, flick the switch and it goes? Easy enough for even _Mathias_ to understand. I stuck the plug into the socket, pushed the 'on' switch and the room was _magically_ filled with warmth.

_Pfft_, if only. It was one of those halogen heater things... _whatever_ they're called. It would probably say on the box, only we didn't _get_ the right box. Either way, it only gave warmth to the close surroundings. Simple way to solve this problem? Sit in front of it. Well, kneel down in front of it in my case, but same end result.

_Oh_, my hands are so _cold_... I knelt in front of the heater for a short while to warm my hands up, but it got a bit uncomfortable for my poor, worn-out legs. So I went to sit at the table instead.

The card game from earlier was still strewn over the table. They didn't clear it up? Huh... I yawned loudly. So _tired_... I ended up leaning on my arms, slouched over the table like a lazy person. My vision went all fuzzy as my eyes closed...

And somehow I ended up falling asleep right there. Aren't _I_ clever?

* * *

I was woken a bit by the sensation of... _something_ on my face, on my hair... something moving, almost... _caressing_ the side of my head. I opened my eyes a crack, to see what it was, only to find Mathias sat next to me, blazer-less.

'_Hm?_ Nor, you're awake?' he asked, leaning right into my face. How long had _he_ been sat there?

'...uh...' I sleepily sat up, rubbing my eyes. 'Mathias... it's only you..?'

'Aww, that's _mean!_' Mathias stood up and stretched, then picked his hat up off the desk and placed it back on his head. Hei, I thought _I_ was the tired one? 'What's wrong with me?'

'I could descend into a whole _list_ of things, but I'm too tired. You didn't draw something on my face, did you..?'

'Nej, don't be silly. Why would I do that?'

'...no reason. Where's everyone else?' I _thought_ it was a bit empty in here...

'Ahaha, see, you were asleep, and you didn't look like you were gonna wake up any time soon, so they kinda all left.'

'Then... why are _you_ still here?' It would have been much easier for _you_ if you just went home...

'I can't leave you by yourself, can I?' He'd moved over to his desk by the window to gather his stuff. It was pretty dark outside. How _long_ had I been sleeping?

Wait, something's _definitely_ missing here. I put a hand to the side of my face- my _clip's_ missing. 'Mathias, where's my clip?'

'Hm? Oh, that's in my pocket.' He _stole_ it?

'Give it _back_.' I glared at Mathias, who only responded with an expression like a little kid that's been caught doing something they know they shouldn't have.

'Huh? Oh, ja, I meant my _blazer_ pocket. Haha...'

'Then where _is_ said blazer?_ You're_ not wearing it.'

'Nej, _you_ are, silly!' ...Huh?

That's when I noticed how not-cold I was. Aside from the heater beside my chair, which only heated one side of me anyway, there was a distinct lack of... _coldness_. I checked my shoulders, and there were two extra blazers sitting on them. _Two?_ Ok, so one was Mathias', but whose was the _other_ one? ...Berwald's? Tino's? I doubt it was Eirikur's, somehow. Just an inkling. I pulled off the top blazer and checked one of the pockets, and sure enough, there was my hairclip.

'Hej, Nor? Why d'you wear that thing anyway?' Mathias asked. Probably out of curiosity rather than anything else.

'It was a present from my grandparents one Christmas, and I found it useful in keeping my hair out of my face. That's all,' I explained as I put the clip back in my hair. _That's_ better. Now I can see properly.

'Hm, nice! Oh, it's still raining outside... _damn_.'

'Oh, here's your blazer.' I handed the first jacket back to Mathias, who took it with a smile and put it on. 'So why _did_ you take my clip anyway?'

'I thought your head might move, and sleeping on top of that thing wouldn't be very comfortable, would it?' That's... _surprisingly_ thoughtful of him.

Well, _whomever_ this blazer belongs to, they can pick it up tomorrow. I left it on the back of one of the chairs.

'It's raining, then,' I commented. 'Well, _damn_, I don't have an umbrella. I'll just have to get soaked again, then...'

'Uh, Nor?' Mathias looked at me, then held out an umbrella. 'One's enough for both of us... right?'

* * *

Well, there I was, walking home with Mathias for the... second time, I think? Of course, last time we were heading to investigate a vanished alien, but that's beside the point. It wasn't _raining_ then.

Either way, it was... _nice_. Unusually nice. Just Mathias and me under the same umbrella. Why..?

It's times like this when I forget Mathias is some god-like super being.

'You know, Nor,' Mathias began, 'you don't smile much.'

Where did _that_ come from? 'Do I need to?'

'Uh... it'd be nice if you could? I dunno, it just makes you seem like less of a grumpy bitch.'

'Well, _takk_. I'm the one holding the umbrella, remember?' I could easily just _snatch_ it away from over your head, leaving you out in the rain. Come to think of it, that's not the first time he's described me like that. So _annoying_.

'Nej, nej, I didn't mean it like that! I meant... _uh_. I meant... it makes you look cuter.'

'...what?' I don't really know what I was expecting to hear, but it wasn't _that_. We stopped walking, and stood there, under the umbrella, in the pouring rain. 'You think I'm... _cute?_'

...You know, _perhaps_ Elisaveta had a point.

'Ja. It's just... when you yelled at me that one time, it kinda got me thinking.'

I _almost_ laughed at that. 'Don't strain yourself.'

'I'm serious!' Mathias pouted. ''Cause I guess it hurt, when you did that. And I think _that's_ when I figured it out.'

Now he's not making any sense. _Why_ am I surrounded by people who don't make sense?

'Figured _what_ out?'

Mathias paused. '...I _think_ I mentioned once I thought love was a mental illness?'

...yeah, that was when Ivan Braginsky was still around, wasn't it? 'That _does_ sound vaguely familiar. Why?'

'Norge, I'm ill. Mentally ill.' ..._wait_. That's... He put his hands on my shoulders, and stared straight into my eyes with his sky-blue ones. 'And it's _your_ fault. _That's_ what I figured out.'

Normally at this point I'd be coming up with a snarky response, but I didn't _really_ have time to think of one.

After all, Mathias had pulled me forwards and pressed his lips to mine.

It was all I could do to hold onto the umbrella.

My mind was racing... not sure what against, but I think it would _probably_ lose anyway. Mathias was there, in front of me, _kissing_ me? And... actually, it reminded me a bit of the closed space incident. Except _that_ actually had a purpose. This one was just making me feel... inexplicably happy.

I could practically see Eirikur's face, mocking me. This is exactly what he's been telling me for _months_... along with Feliks, Elisaveta...

You know what? _Screw_ them. Because if I hadn't met Mathias, life would have been so... _so_ boring. I shut my eyes and kissed Mathias back.

I pulled back after a short while. Breathing may, after all, be useful.

'...if _that's_ the way you're putting it,' I responded, 'I guess... _maybe_ I'm a little ill too.'

And I smiled.

And I may just have been imagining it, but I think Mathias' stupid grin was even wider than usual.

So the two of us continued walking home under that umbrella, and that intense feeling of happiness just wouldn't go away.

It's funny just how quickly something can change your mind, isn't it?

* * *

A/N: There, happy now? Ugh, this took so long... and I'm still not entirely happy with it, but here you go anyway.

And no, that didn't happen in the original. Hooray for originality. Cardboard box for Sealand? Dambolis, anyone?

Next chapter... ok, ok, I found another manga chapter I want to do before I get stuck into Disappearance. So, it's... rewind a little! What happens when Berwald goes over to the Computer Research Society?

Until next time, farvel~


	57. Fantasia IV

Fantasian Aftermath - Downward Spiral

* * *

A few days after our 'duel' with the Computer Research Society, Berwald took them up on their offer to visit. Though that _may_ have been due to Eduard personally coming over to the clubroom and summoning him. You never, it _could_ be a factor.

Anyway, he came back after a while, face as blank as ever. The first thing he did was take one of our new laptops and sit down at the table next to me.

'You're back,' I commented. I didn't expect an answer. Which was just as well, because I didn't get one. Typical Berwald. Feeling a little nosy, I looked over his shoulder to see what was on his screen.

...Kompuuter Magazine? Is this some kind of newsletter for the Computer Research Society? And from the looks of things, they've devoted an entire section to Berwald 'joining'. Photos, calling him a genius... These geeks get serious about the _weirdest_ things.

_Idiots_. Berwald hasn't joined, he's on loan. At least he's welcome over there, I guess.

_Huh_. Looks like they've even got a complaints box. I'd use it, but it's not like anyone's going to read this newsletter anyway. In any case, mentioning this to Mathias would _probably_ be a bad idea. He'd only get ideas.

Cut to the next day, on the other hand, and there was something _definitely_ not right. Because along with photos of Berwald, there were also photos of, uh... Tino. When did _this_ happen?

'Hei, Tino,' I called to Tino, sat by the window with a sketchpad. 'What's this?'

'Hm?' Tino came over to see what I was talking about. 'Oh, joo, _that_. Hehe... The President of the Computer Research Society asked if I'd like to take a look around. And, well... they were so passionate about it, I couldn't really refuse.'

'Mathias'd have a fit if he found out.'

'Maybe, but they're not bad people.'

'Hm, fair enough. I suppose making coffee for His Lordship gets dull after a while, anyway.'

Tino laughed. 'A bit. I don't mind, though. Don't worry, I'll make sure Mathias doesn't find out.'

...If you say so, Tino. If you say so. I wish you the best of luck.

* * *

Of course, the Computer Research Society themselves had other ideas. They were turning out pictures like an excitable four-year-old. That's high on sugar. In a toy store.

...I think I might have been going somewhere with that analogy, but now I'm just lost.

Anyway, by the end of the week photos of Tino and Berwald seemed to have become a regular fixture. Photos of Tino and Berwald in cosplay, too. Where'd they get the outfits from? Huh, wouldn't it be ironic if the Computer Research Society and Mathias both got their outfits from the same place... Anyway, that's irrelevant. Aren't they getting a _bit_ carried away? I don't remember cosplay being in the rental agreement...

And worse, Mathias had begun to notice their absence.

'Hej, Nor? Any idea where Berwald and Tino are?' he asked. In a rather irritated manner, I might add. Lack of caffeine, probably. Because making coffee _himself_ would be far too difficult.

'Nope. No idea.' _Blatant_ lies, but Mathias would never notice.

Besides, I've just had a _brilliant_ idea.

See, I'd imagine that the reason they're so obsessed with showing off their new _possessions_ is so they can get more people to join, right? Well...

My fingers quickly moved across the keyboard of my laptop. These things are _actually_ quite useful.

'I'm a first-year in North High. The Computer Research Society looks like a lot of fun.' Hehehe... I'm so _clever_. 'If possible, I'd like to visit the clubroom at some point.'

And here's the stinger...

'I'll be bringing my friend, Mathias Køhler, along too, if that's alright.'

Aaaand... _send_.

Hehehe. I can just see their faces turn from delight to sheer horror. Perhaps they're spilling the coffee that Tino's so kindly made for them. Either way, they won't be keeping their 'new recruits' for _too_ much longer.

And sure enough, it was only a few minutes before Eduard himself brought Berwald and Tino back. Mathias was elsewhere at this point, thank goodness. He'd gone to fetch... _something_.

'Berwald, Tino, many thanks for everything,' Eduard said, while he 'dropped off' Berwald and Tino back at the clubroom. 'We'd _love_ to welcome you as members, but, well... you belong to the SOS Brigade, so you probably ought to go back for now. You're welcome any time, though.'

...Listen to yourself, Eduard.

'Did something happen?' I asked, in the most innocent way I could manage.

'A-ah, _ei_, nothing! Nothing at all. Oh, uh... you didn't tell your leader we were borrowing Tino, did you..?'

'_I_ didn't. As far as I know, he doesn't know.'

'Oh, good! Please, keep it from him?' Eduard's eyes were almost pleading with me. Or at least, they would be if they weren't hidden behind those glasses.

'...why?'

'Because I have a hunch that he may want to join!'

...Keep telling yourself that.

* * *

Anyway, that's _that_ sorted. With any luck, Mathias won't have noticed a thing.

...although I do _kinda_ feel bad for Berwald now. After all, I've just removed his _one_ source of entertainment...

'Hei, Berwald?' I asked him later. 'If you still feel like going over there and playing with their computers, that's perfectly fine. Ok?'

Berwald gave no verbal response, merely nodded. I got the feeling there was _some_ sort of enthusiasm behind it, though.

Well... it's all experience, isn't it? At least I sorted it out before Mathias noticed.

Speaking of that Danish _idiot_, there's one last thing I need to confirm.

I found him in the clubroom later.

'Mathias?'

'Hm?' He looked up from his own computer to make eye contact.

'If, say, Tino and Berwald were to become members of the Computer Research Society, would you be interested in joining?'

'Nor, that's a _silly_ question. Those geeks pledged their loyalty to me, remember? They're like a branch of the SOS Brigade now.'

...oh yeah. _How_ could I forget?

'Hej, what do you think of 'SOS Brigade I.T. Division'? Sound good?'

'Utter _genius_, Mathias.'

'Haha, knew you'd like it!' ...It's called _sarcasm_- never mind. Maybe he'll understand one day, but today is _not_ the day. 'Anyway, I'll probably pay them a visit at some point anyway. After all, a king needs to visit his subjects, doesn't he?'

I suppose I _ought_ to direct my sympathy towards the Computer Research Society at this point... but then again, maybe not. They brought it upon themselves when they challenged us to a duel.

And of _course_ Mathias would call himself the king. Of course.

* * *

A/N: Haha, I thought people might like that one xD I love you all, seriously.

Anyway, I apologise for the slight backtrack, I just wanted to get this one in before I start on Disappearance. This one is, like the title suggests, just after the end of Fantasia War. [Trouble is, after that's done I'm out of source material... hmm. I wonder if I can find the light novels anywhere? Still, best not to get ahead of myself.]

Next chapter, Mathias begins planning a Christmas party! [That's going to be weird to write in June... Still, I brought it on myself.]

Until next time, see ya~


	58. Disappearance I

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler I - Just a Prologue

* * *

December 12th. And damn, was it cold.

I was rudely awoken by my alarm clock. Whoever designed alarm clocks _certainly_ knew how to annoy people... that beeping is driving me_ insane_. Ugh, do I have to get up _now_..? Five more minutes,_ please_...

I fumbled around to try and reach my alarm clock without exposing myself to the cold too much. _Why_ couldn't we have a decent heating system in this house..? _Ha!_ Got it- well, the beeping stopped, but now my alarm clock was lying on the pillow in front of me, a cruel reminder that actually, ja, I _did_ need to get up soon.

Hanatamago had taken to sleeping on top of me. Which keeps a rather _small_ portion of me warm, at least. Mmmph... It's too cold to get up...

Unless you're my brother, of course.

'Norgeeeee! Breakfast!'

All of a sudden, the duvet was pulled away from over me, leaving me fully exposed to the chilly room. _Takk_, lillebror.

'Your breakfast is ready too, Hanatamago! Hanaaaa, Hanaaaa...' Then again, all he cared about was getting to play with Hanatamago for a while. Just grabbed the little dog and ran out singing. Irritating _brat._

I tried to stay curled up for as long as I could... then I noticed the frost on the window. It really _was_ winter, huh...

See, there's a nice kind of cold, where it's just chilly enough to not be a bother, then there's _this_, which is very much a bother.

...I suppose I ought to go eat breakfast, then.

* * *

I'll skip over most of the day, since that's just school and neither interesting nor relevant. Although Feliks came into school wearing the girls' uniform that morning, which was... a _bit_ odd. Eh, the teacher told him almost straight away to go get changed, so it didn't last long. Hmm... in that case, off to the Brigade clubroom we go! I picked up all of my stuff and headed out of my classroom. Mathias had left early, of course. He always does that.

_Sigh_... Up until the Arts Festival, everything was still scorchingly hot. Now we're reduced to _this_. I think whoever's in charge of the weather must have fallen asleep for a few months and forgot to change the seasons for us. If I were in charge of them, I'd fire them. They're doing a rubbish job.

As I mused on the weather, I almost walked headfirst into a certain white-haired bird keeper. And nei, I don't mean Gilbert.

'Oh. hei, Eirikur. Meeting?'

'Já. Something bothering you?' Well, was it _that_ obvious? Something's been bothering me all day... or should I say, some_one_.

'Mathias is his usual lively self. You _know_ why.'

'Indeed.' Eirikur nodded. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm busy.'

Apparently, I'm really easy to shrug off like that. Eh, I'll see him later anyway.

Of course, halfway to the clubroom I managed to bump into the other white-haired bird keeper. And this time I _do_ mean Gilbert. Tino was with him too.

'Ah, hallo, Norge!' Gilbert called from down the corridor. 'So, you look kinda down. What's the problem?'

'Oh, hei, Gilbert, Tino. Nothing really. Just school being school. And Mathias.' ..._Especially_ Mathias. Naturally, since last week's umbrella escapade got a little... well, you know what happened. Anyway, after that he'd been bothering me even more than usual. I tried to tell him_ several_ times not to do that in the middle of class, but did he listen? _Pfft_. He wouldn't be Mathias if he did what I asked him to.

'Ahah, I see! Anyway, tschüss!' Gilbert waved as he left.

Tino waited around for a moment longer. 'I'll be at the clubroom in a while, I have some stuff to do first. I'll see you soon, then!'

And with that adorable little smile of his, Tino followed Gilbert away.

_So_ cute.

* * *

I knew Mathias would be planning _something_ related to that magical event in just under two weeks. I mean, he's been the source of the vast majority of my problems since April, and he sits right behind me in class. I_ think_ I'd be able to notice by now.

At long last, I reached the clubroom. I was about to knock on the door, then I remembered I'd_ just_ seen Tino. So there was no chance of him being in there changing at that moment, unless he's popped back from the future just to screw with my head. I didn't think Tino would do that, though, so I entered the room anyway.

Mathias wasn't in the clubroom. It was just Berwald, sat by the window reading, as usual. I closed the door behind me, then turned the heater on. I guess temperature problems just don't happen with aliens. Lucky bastards. I crouched down in front of the heater to warm myself up a bit-

and that's when Mathias decided to show his stupid face. He flung the door open with his usual force. So what _exactly_ are those hinges made of?

'_Hej!_ Sorry for the wait!' he shouted, rather loudly.

'...nobody was waiting.' Well, maybe a little, but shush.

Mathias dumped his stuff on the table as I stood up, knowing _exactly_ what was coming. Yeah, Mathias came running straight towards me, then flung his arms around me in a rather violent hug.

'Nor! I've got the most _awesome_ idea ever!'

'Wonderful. Does it _require_ my immediate suffocation?' I choked. I believe this is what you might term a 'bone-crushing hug'.

'Uh... nej?' Mathias let go of me, and at last I could breathe. This idiot's so _annoying_ when he wants to be. 'Anyway, I'm cold. Let me at the heater!'

He knelt down in front of the heater. He still hasn't _actually_ thanked me for bringing that thing up from Elisaveta's store, incidentally. Typical Mathias, eh?

'Hei, that's not fair, I only just got here.' I knelt down next to him, to try to get some warmth from the heater.

'So? I'm the leader, I get first call on the heater!' Since _when?_ I doubt there have been any rules written ever about the use of heaters- actually, never mind. Mathias probably wrote the whole rulebook.

'I don't care. It's cold.' I pushed Mathias, and he wobbled a bit then fell over. He quickly recovered, though, a smirk spreading across his face.

'Ohoh! So you want to fight for it then, Nor?' This quickly descended into an all-out war... albeit a rather playful one. Either way, it must have looked a bit weird to Tino when he finally turned up to see Mathias and I pushing each other over in an attempt to get warm.

Well, we certainly got warm, anyway.

'Uh... moi?'

'Tino! Hej! Come over, warm up a bit! You look frozen!'

Wait, so _I_ have to fight to get a place at the heater, but _Tino_ gets invited over for a three-course meal? Without the food, of course.

_Typical_.

* * *

Anyway, after everyone had arrived and we were all sufficiently not-cold, we moved to the table. Mathias, as leader, pulled out the whiteboard we pinched from _somewhere_ to make notes.

'Ok, everyone. Does anyone have plans for the last day of term?'

Somehow I _knew_ this topic would come up. That means Mathias _is_ planning something.

'Nor, there's no way _you_ would, but I'd feel bad if I didn't ask.'

What the _hell?_ 'And what if I did?'

'That means you don't! Awesome!'

_Curses_. Foiled again. Where did he pull those smarts from?

'Eirikur, what about you? I bet you've got a date to go on!'

Eirikur just looked confused at that. 'Why would _I_ have one of them? I'm free all holiday. Whether that's good or not remains to be seen.'

Hmph. He _definitely_ did that on purpose.

'Ok, two clear! Tino, got any plans?'

'Ei, my Christmas is completely free. I've got nothing really planned,' Tino said, with a little smile.

'Good! And Berwald?'

'Nej,' Berwald mumbled, not taking his eyes off his book. I swear, he must have finished over ninety-eight books by now, the rate he reads them.

'Thought so! Well, if that's the case...' Mathias spun round, grabbed a pen from the little ledge at the bottom of the whiteboard and began scrawling on the board. 'I'm proud to announce the approval of the SOS Brigade Christmas party! Any questions or objections, write it down after the party. Maybe I'll read it then!'

_Feh_. Charging ahead as usual. I suppose at least he _asked_ everyone first, which is an improvement. A few months back, he would have just announced this with no warning whatsoever.

'Ah, that sounds like a good idea!' Tino seemed to be taking Eirikur's yes-man role for himself. 'Can I ask, what are we doing at this party?'

'That's what we're discussing now!' Mathias began pacing around the table. 'Today's December 12th, and term ends on the 20th! That's a week and a day's worth of planning! Right now, I've got some Christmas stuff. Have a look!'

He's bringing _more_ rubbish into the room? How did all that crap fit in his bag? Stockings, all kinds of stuff with Santa's head stuck on them, even a wreath which I assume will be straight on the door. Oh, and sweets.

'Like it? This room _needs_ some festive spirit! Hej, Nor, didn't you do stuff like this as a child?'

'Still do. My wonderful little brother still makes me decorate his room with him, whether I want to or not. I mean, _he_ still believes in Santa-'

'Nothing wrong with that!' Tino cut in suddenly. Why did it matter that much to him?

'Haha, I agree with Tino! You should learn from your brother's innocence! You can't realise your dreams unless you start believing!'

Yeah, and when _you_ start believing things it's trouble for everyone. Look what happened when you tried to make a movie. Better, _don't._

Mathias pulled a couple of party hats out from his bag and put one on his head. Right over the top of his usual hat. _Huh_. I guess his hair's too crazy for the hat to fit anywhere else.

'You're putting that on _now?_'

'When in Rome, do as the Romans do!'

...Start chopping people's necks? Rome is, after all, a city of necks waiting to be chopped...

Mathias picked up a can of spray paint and moved over to the window, balancing the second party hat on Berwald's head. Berwald being as immobile as usual, it stayed there. Over at the window, Mathias started spraying words onto the window.

'Glædelig Jul'? That's going to be backwards from outside... not like anyone will be looking up here anyway, but that's irrelevant. Oh, and I wonder who's going to be stuck cleaning that up when Christmas is over?

...Me, probably.

'Ta-daaaah!' And Mathias hears deafening applause, congratulating him on his work of art... when actually he's greeted with dumb silence. It's just words on a window, Mathias. 'Oh, I forgot! Tino, I got you an early Christmas present!'

'Really?'

'Yep!' Mathias walked back over to his bag and pulled out one last thing. 'Here!'

It's made of fabric. This is not good.

'Uh... what's that?' Tino asked.

'Santa! Obviously!'

Eirikur and I took that as our cue to get out of there before Tino started getting changed.

* * *

_Sigh_... From the sounds of things, they could be a while. It's nowhere near as bad as the screaming we had at the beginning of the year, but still... Actually, it's mostly Mathias ordering Tino to hurry the hell up.

'It must be difficult for Tino being used as a mascot like that, but it puts me at ease seeing Mathias having fun,' Eirikur commented.

'What, because there's no closed space to deal with?' So selfish, Eirikur.

'Essentially, já. That's the Agency's main priority. Still, closed space has become a lot less frequent than in spring.'

'It still shows up now and then, though?'

'Very rarely. They mostly occur during the night while Mathias is asleep. It's probably during nightmares.'

I sighed. 'Ever the troublemaker, even when asleep...'

'Nei, not really. The Agency's been observing Mathias for three years now, and we could never have imagined Mathias laughing and smiling like he is now. That, I _imagine_, is down to you. Which reminds me, did something happen between you two last week? He's been exceptionally happy recently...'

I looked away, feeling my cheeks heat up slightly. That's right, I hadn't mentioned _that_ to anyone. For good reason, really. They'd only start mocking me.

'...I _see_.' Do you, really? Feh, espers. 'In any case, Mathias is clearly changing for the better. As are we all. You, me, Tino...' The sounds from inside the clubroom had ceased. They'd finished? 'Even Berwald, probably.'

That's a bit surprising. Eirikur noticed? I mean, Berwald barely shows any emotion at all, so everything he does has a magnitude of a million times what a normal person's would be. If that made sense.

'We're done!' Mathias called from inside. And not realising that I'd been leaning on the door for the last few minutes, he pulled the door open, sending me crashing to the floor.

And there, standing over me, was Tino dressed as Santa.

'Hmm,' Eirikur started. 'It suits you.'

'Oh, kiitos!' Tino smiled. I sat up, trying to regain any dignity I still had.

'Well, _ja!_ Tino's our cute little mascot, so it's only right that he be the SOS Brigade's own personal Santa Claus! Wear this in the clubroom until we break up for Christmas, ok?'

I glanced over at Berwald. He hadn't moved at all, aside from turning pages. That silly little hat was still on his head.

Sigh... We're a crazy little group, aren't we?

'So, Tino,' I asked, once Mathias was out of earshot, 'you seem rather enthusiastic about playing Santa.'

'Oh, do I? Hahaha... You see, it's something I'm pretty good at by now.'

'Huh?' He's done this _before?_

'Ah, I should probably explain. Sometimes my people send someone back in time to play the role of Santa. I was chosen a while ago, and they kept me on to carry on with the job. I guess you could say I'm the real Santa, ei?' He was whispering to me by this point.

Wait. _What?_ So I've been spending the last year seeing Santa every day and I never knew about it?

Well, _that_ throws years of disbelief out of the window.

...and that was December 12th over.

* * *

_Beep-beep-beep..._

December 13th. _Weather_: Still cold. _Mood_: Tired. _Need_: Coffee. Now.

Anyway, after my brother had paraded into my room and left me on the floor, having stolen Hanatamago, I finally got my morning coffee.

Right. Let's do this.

School was pretty dull, as usual. During a _particularly_ chilly Athletics class, I mentioned the Christmas party to Feliks.

'Huh? Like, a Christmas party? That's _totally_ something Mathias would do. Clubroom, right? You'd totally better make sure the teachers don't find out about this one. Or there'd be, like, loads of trouble.'

I watched as Mathias launched himself over the high jump pole. What? I'm allowed to, aren't I?

'I suppose _you're_ not interested in the slightest?'

'Haha, Norge, I totally couldn't come even if I wanted to!' ...What's with _his_ sudden energy? 'Ya see, _I_ already have plans for the last day of term!'

'Really..? What sort of plans?'

'I have totally gone and got myself a date!'

...I see. 'Who, may I ask?'

'She's a first-year at World Academy!' ..._she?_ Huh, figures he'd have to go elsewhere to find a girl. There aren't many at all in North High.

* * *

In any case, the rest of the day was boring as hell. Brigade activities for the day consisted of decorating the clubroom with anything that sparkled. Like tinsel. Lots and lots of tinsel.

'Hej, what does everyone else want for food?' Mathias asked, while balanced on a chair trying to reach the ceiling. 'I guess we're not allowed alcohol in school, so beer's a no-go. Shame.'

Oh, wouldn't _that_ be brilliant. A drunk Mathias rampaging around school... not that it's much different to how he usually is, but this would be Mathias-related chaos turned up to eleven.

'So... salmon? Eel?' Mathias had finished putting that particular piece of tinsel up, and descended from the chair to pick up some more.

'Salmon sounds good,' I began. 'Perhaps-'

'_Aww_, we're out of tinsel!' Mathias cut me off. _Annoying_. 'Nor, pick some up on the way home, will ya?'

'Me?'

'You!' Mathias grinned at me. Apparently that's the universal method for getting me to do stuff for him.

...ok, it works, but _still_.

'So we're having this party in here, are we? Are you _cooking_ in here too?'

'Of course, Nor! We've already got all the stuff we need, so why not?'

Oh yeah. Over the year we seem to have accumulated a whole _load_ of cooking utensils. I suppose maybe we _should_ put them to some use.

'Besides,' Mathias continued, 'if a teacher comes in and tries to throw us out, we can just feed them! They'll be so overwhelmed by the taste they'll be begging us to continue!'

'Really..? Your cooking's that good, is it?'

'Yep! Now get back to decorating! We're going to make this the most _awesome_ party ever!'

Where have I heard those words before?

Anyway, I stopped off at a supermarket to get some cheap tinsel on the way home. Hmm... assorted colours, that'll do.

...That was ridiculously long for a prologue, but I guess you could call the whole two-days'-worth of preparing for the party a prologue. What happened tomorrow would be where the story really began. It _might_ have begun that evening, I couldn't be too sure. Either way, tomorrow would be December 14th. A day even colder than the last few days. The day the metaphorical rug was swept out from under my feet, throwing me headfirst off a cliff into the sea of despair.

And I know that seems cliché compared to my usual bizarre metaphors, but let me get this straight.

This was no laughing matter.

* * *

A/N: Longest. Prologue. Ever. And guess what? Feliks is a crossdresser! Tino is Santa! Madness? Nope. This is Hetalia!

Also, note to self. If you want reviews, stick some fanservice in. Seriously. Glad you all liked it ^^ [To tell the truth, I ended up rewriting that scene three times before I was happy with it. And it worked! Yay!]

Next chapter, shit gets real.

Until next time, ciao~


	59. Disappearance II

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler II - Hitting The Metaphorical Fan

* * *

_Beepity-beep._

December 14th. Still _damn_ freezing. My brother carried out his usual routine of pulling the duvet off me, causing Hanatamago to roll away, then picking up Hanatamago and running out, singing about the dog's breakfast. Or something. I dunno, I was still half asleep.

Either way, I still needed to get up.

It was especially cold that morning, so I ended up going to school wrapped up in a coat and scarf. There were icicles hanging from the gutters of nearby houses. Which would have been quite pretty were the buildings they were attached to not _hideously_ ugly.

I guess the hints were there from the start, I was just too _stupid_ to notice them.

It was after crossing a road that I noticed Feliks walking to school. Sometimes we go to school together, but half the time _he_ ends up coming in late.

'Hei!' I called, and Feliks stopped to let me catch up. Looking at his face, though, he looked pretty awful. As in ill. That's weird. He was perfectly fine yesterday.

'Oh, Norge.' And his voice sounded all croaky too. When did _this_ happen?

'Caught a cold?'

'Yeah. Wanted to stay home today, but parents wouldn't let me.'

'That's odd. You were pretty lively yesterday.'

'What are you talking about? I was feeling crap yesterday, too!' Feliks coughed, steaming up the air in front of him.

Uh... _nei_, you weren't. You were raving about that date of yours.

'Oh. Well, you should at least get better before your date.' Not that _I_ have any experience in such matters, but still-

'What date? Norge, are you _sure_ you're living on the same planet as me?'

'_Hm?_ What happened to the World Academy girl?'

'Seriously, what the _heck_ are you talking about?'

_Huh_. So he got dumped, and now he's acting like it never happened out of pride or something. Also, it seems he drops the accent when he's ill.

'...It's nothing. So, joining the party?'

'Party? I don't know _anything_ about any party.' Feliks coughed again, a bit more violently this time.

'I see...' So the shock was so great he's blocking the entirety of yesterday out? _Huh_. Best not to press further. Press too hard, and I'll squash him. Like a bug. Only not the sickness kind of bug, because they're a bit harder to squash. Shame.

And when I got to the classroom, I found that this _particular_ sickness bug was very much not-squashed. Seemed to have turned into an epidemic overnight - the classroom was half-empty. Feliks went straight to the medical room and didn't come to class at all. I don't blame him, if he's _really_ that ill...

And that seat behind me was empty. Where was Mathias? It's _very_ unlike him to not be at school. It's a brave virus that tries to invade Mathias' system, and I doubt there's one that would succeed. Who's going to bother me all lesson now?

* * *

Actually, it's really, _really_ boring when Mathias isn't bothering me. There's nothing to distract me from the dullness of the lesson. So it was with great relief that lunch break finally came. I mean, I stayed in the classroom to eat anyway, but at least there wasn't some _moron_ stood at the front trying to indoctrinate me.

I unzipped my bag to get to my lunch, when I noticed something missing. Something... _shiny_, in assorted colours. Where was the tinsel I bought yesterday? I don't remember taking it out of my bag, and Mathias would _kill_ me if I'd forgotten it, so where did it go?

A sudden voice made me look up. Toris had come over.

'This seat's empty, isn't it? May I sit here?' One thing I've noticed is that Toris is so much more polite than Feliks. It makes him much more pleasant to be around.

'Of course.' Toris took the seat behind me, and I stood up and turned my chair round to face him before sitting back down. 'This cold's taking people down rather quickly, isn't it?'

'U-uh, people had it a week ago. Did you not notice?' A week ago? Nei, a week ago is when I went out to fetch that heater, and nobody had so much as a sniffle.

'Nope.'

'It doesn't look like flu. I suppose it might be better if it _were_ flu, because at least medicine exists for that.'

'Are you _seriously_ telling me there were people with the cold a week ago?'

'Taip, people have been off school all week.' Toris was looking at me as if I'd grown a second head. Yeah, I reproduce asexually, what's wrong with that? Seriously, though, I'm absolutely _certain_ everyone was fine yesterday. 'And it looks like it's getting worse, too. I hope they don't send everyone home, though, because they'd probably cut into holiday time instead.' Toris sighed, and stared out of the window. 'Feliks has been looking terrible lately, too.'

'Hm, I only really noticed this morning.'

'I hear his father's policy is to cure colds by working them off, which is why he's in school at all.'

'_Toris_.'

'Taip?'

'Correct me if I'm wrong, but _I_ thought Feliks only started looking bad this morning.'

'Ne, he's been ill from the start of the week. He didn't take part in Athletics yesterday either.'

Wait, _what?_ He was _definitely_ there yesterday! He was boasting about his date!

'...Norge? Norge, are you ok?'

Nei, not in the slightest. What on earth is going on? Don't tell me this is some bad omen, spelling trouble for all humanity besides Mathias...

Actually, it was. It was _definitely_ a bad omen. What I didn't think about was _who_ was going to be affected by all this. It wasn't all humanity besides Mathias. Nei, this was all bearing down on one person.

Me.

The whole world had moved on and left me behind.

* * *

The classroom door swung open, and a cheery 'Good morning!' came ringing through the room...

but the owner of that voice was the last person I expected. He was checking on everyone in the room, asking about their colds, doing everything... everything that a class _president_ would do.

And last time _I_ checked, nobody had filled that post since...

'Oh, I should move...' Toris muttered, quickly shifting out of the seat behind me.

The owner of that voice came closer and closer, scarf trailing behind him.

Sudden flashbacks to nearly having my head beaten in with a pipe.

I backed away, closer to the window. There was no way I wanted any contact with this deranged psychopath! Yet there he was, stood right in front of me.

Ivan Braginsky.

'Oh? Is something stuck to my face?' he asked. I guess he noticed my rather _horrified_ expression.

'Ne, nothing,' Toris answered for me. 'I'll move now.'

'It's ok, I was just putting my bag down.' Oh, that sickening smile... _pipe_...

'Really? Dėkoju.' Toris sat back down again.

Ivan laughed. That little giggle from someone I _knew_ was insane... _shudder_. He dropped his bag on the floor and kicked it under the table, then turned to go speak to someone else.

That was it.

'Hei,' I called after him. He stopped, and looked back at me.

'Da?'

'What... what are _you_ doing here?' I was _damn_ scared right then. I thought he'd been 'terminated'! He officially transferred to Russia!

'...What do you mean? Am I not _permitted_ to be here? Would you prefer it if I stayed ill?'

'I don't give a _damn_ about your cold!'

'Norge...' I turned back to see Toris, still sat in Mathias' seat. Now he just looked concerned. 'You're acting weird today. Maybe you should-'

'Toris! Doesn't this person bring _anything_ to mind? You know who he is, don't you? He shouldn't be here!'

'What are you talking about, 'shouldn't be here'? He's _always_ been in our class,' Toris continued. 'Pardon me, but it seems a bit rude to forget someone after they've been ill for two days.'

I _haven't_ forgotten. I... haven't... that crazy person tried to _kill_ me! _How_ could I forget him?

'Oh, I see!' Ivan smiled. 'You took a nap after lunch and had a nightmare, da?'

_Nightmare?_ The only nightmare here is _you!_

'Ufu... Perhaps you should go wash your face. That will wake you up, da? Here, borrow my handkerchief...' He reached into his pocket. Nei!

'I don't want your _stupid_ handkerchief!' I don't know what he might bring out along with that handkerchief and I _certainly_ don't want to! 'Now, _Ivan_, tell me what's going on! _Why_ did you put your bag at Mathias' desk?' I slammed my fist down on Mathias' desk. 'This. Is not. Your _seat_. This seat belongs to Mathias.'

Ivan paused. A look of confusion appeared on his face, like he was trying to figure out a particularly complicated problem.

'...Mathias? Who is this..._ Mathias?_'

_...huh?_

'Toris, you don't know any Mathias, do you?' Ivan looked over to Toris, who shook his head.

'Hei!' He can't... But...

'Sorry, Norge. I don't know _anyone_ by that name.' Toris looked almost apologetic, but it was clear he thought I'd gone crazy.

But I swear... I'm _not_ the crazy one... Mathias is Mathias...

'...you've forgotten... Mathias Køhler? How could you _possibly_ forget him?' I put my hand to my forehead in despair. There was no way...

'Norge?' I looked up at Toris again. 'There's _never_ been a Mathias Køhler in our class. This seat's belonged to Ivan since we last moved.'

That's not... That can't be possible!

Ivan sighed. 'Toris, could you get the register from my desk, please?'

'Ok-' Toris pulled out a black folder from Mathias' desk, but I snatched it out of his hands. Mathias _had_ to be in there. Had to be!

The register was ordered by surname. Mathias should be under 'K'...

No way. No _freaking_ way.

There was _nobody_ listed with a surname beginning with K.

'Toris?' I asked.

'Hm?'

'Punch me, please. I want to wake up now.'

'Are... you feeling ok?'

'Just _do_ it!'

Toris sighed, and stood up from Mathias' seat. He pulled the register out from my hands, and whacked me over the head with it.

It _hurt_. I opened my eyes...

Still in the classroom. Toris was stood over me, and Ivan was still there.

This wasn't a dream.

Well, _fuck_.

'Hei!' I ran over to Elisaveta. She had to know _something_, surely! She had photographic evidence! '_You_ remember Mathias, don't you?'

'Uh... nem, I don't. Should I?'

_Shit_, nei... there had to be _someone_ who remembered! I-I'll ask _him_! Someone _must_ remember...

'Ivan Braginsky was supposed to have transferred, wasn't he?' I was shouting by this point. _Seriously_ panicking. That's probably why everyone was so weirded out by this sudden outburst - normally I just keep myself to myself.

'What are you _talking_ about? He's always been here!'

N-nei! Maybe _he_ knows!

'That's Mathias' seat, isn't it?'

'...Ne, that's Ivan's seat...'

F-_fuck_... Now the whole class was staring at me. Nei... I don't like this at all! Stop _staring_, dammit! Stop it...

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Seeing that it belonged to Ivan, I flinched away. No _way_ was I having him touching me.

'Perhaps you should go to the medical room, da?' This wasn't right at _all_. Ivan sounded... _concerned_.

No chance. This was all too much. I ran straight out of the room, bumping into a few chairs on the way.

Mathias was _gone?_ _Nobody_ remembers him at all? How is that even _possible?_ Wasn't the world supposed to _revolve_ around that idiot? Isn't he supposed to be the universal troublemaker? I _seriously_ hope he hasn't just wished himself out of existence, because that would be bad for everyone...

_Berwald!_ Berwald would know what was going on, he _always_ does! Maybe even Eirikur could explain! Hell, even _Tino_ might have more of an idea than me! I ran down the corridor and burst into Berwald's classroom.

'Berwald! Is Berwald here?' I yelled, earning me even _more_ strange looks. It didn't look like Berwald was there. Of _course_, he'd be in the clubroom during breaks! Oh yeah, Eirikur's classroom is just down here, I can ask him now!

Or not. Eirikur's _entire_ classroom had vanished. What... what _happened_ to it? This isn't just Eirikur... a whole _class_ of people just disappeared off the face of the earth?

I stood staring for a moment. What _is_ this?

'Hey, you.' A voice brought me crashing through the ceiling into the building of reality. And that's _painful_. 'Class has already started.'

I... I have to go back in _there?_ With _Ivan?_ Now the whole _class_ thinks I'm insane? N-nei... I _can't_... but I have to, don't I? Dammit, dammit, _dammit!_ This doesn't make any _sense!_

Ok, someone is here who shouldn't be. Someone who absolutely _must_ be here has gone. Along with an entire classful of people.

Either I've gone crazy, or the whole world has.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's why it's called Disappearance, non? Insanity is fuuuuuun~ I should probably slow down a little, otherwise I'll run out of source material ^^'

...no reviews for the last two chapters? R-reviews are my fuel... or something. Ok, now I'm just begging again. Sorry... Also, I hate it when you do something weird and everyone just stares at you like that. It's horrible T_T

Next chapter, Norge's blue screen of death continues...

Until next time, da svedanya~ [Ufu~]


	60. Disappearance III

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler III - Trees In A Tree Museum

* * *

Class for the rest of the day was just _horrible_. Nothing sank in. I ended up just sitting there, head in hands, doing nothing. With Ivan sat behind me, it was rather unnerving. And I was afraid. Not so much of Ivan himself, but of the fact that Mathias and Eirikur had just... _gone_. Like they were never there.

I think I pretty much just shut down for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't even notice when the class left at the end of the school day and the cleaners started clearing up after them. I think Toris and Ivan had been trying to get through to me, but I don't even remember what I said to get rid of them. Hell, I don't think I said _anything_.

Eventually I realised that everyone had gone. I gathered up my stuff that I'd done absolutely nothing with, and put it back in the tinsel-less bag.

It was when I was wandering through the corridors in a vaguely homeward direction that I saw hope.

I noticed two figures walking ahead of me, happily chatting to each other. One with messy silver hair adorned with a little yellow chick. The other with smooth blond hair and the cutest little face.

Gilbert... and _Tino?_

_Tino_ was here!

Without thinking, I called out to him.

'Tino!'

The two figures halted, and turned to look at me. _Definitely_ Tino and Gilbert. I ran over and grabbed Tino's hand.

'Tino, you're here! Mathias has gone! Eirikur's entire class has vanished! I haven't checked on Berwald yet, but Ivan's here and the whole school's acting crazy!'

Tino wrenched his hand out from my grip. 'Who the _heck_ are you?'

'Tino? You're _my_ Tino, right..? The Tino Väinämöinen from the future?'

'Look, I don't know _anything_ about any future. And I _certainly_ don't know you.' Tino was full-on glaring at me by this point. I didn't know such a cute face was capable of such a thing... oh, not _him_ too... He can't have forgotten as well..?

And that's when Gilbert grabbed my arm and twisted it. _Hard_.

'You can't just come out of nowhere and yell at someone like that!'

'Ow! That _hurts_, Gilbert!'

'_Hah?_ You know me?' _Him_ as well? Gilbert's forgotten me? I'm _seriously_ considering just driving my head into a brick wall now... 'I'm gonna agree with Tino here. Who are you, and how do you know us?'

I didn't say anything. I _couldn't_. I was shaking too much. Neither of them... remembered anything..?

'You ok, Tino?'

'Joo. _Fine_.' And this was a _completely_ different Tino to the one I knew at the beginning of the year- hell, different to the one I knew _yesterday!_

'Haha, you must be just too cute for everyone! Getting creeps like this chasing after you-'

'Oh, _stop_ it, Gilbert,' Tino laughed.

Wait. There was one thing I _knew_ that would prove this was my Tino!

'Tino!' I shouted. 'Show me your chest! There's a mole on your chest just around here!' I pointed to the same spot on my chest-

Tino punched me. Straight in the face.

'Pervert!' he shrieked.

Then Gilbert got in on the act, and pulled on both ends of my scarf, strangling me.

'Look, _you_. I don't know who you are or what you want, but hurt Tino and there will be _hell_ to pay. Get it?'

I nodded a little. It's all I _could_ do, really.

'Good!' And with that, Gilbert and Tino left.

That's it. It's _over_.

In more ways than one.

* * *

I pulled out my phone and started searching through the phonebook. Let's see... Arthur, Feliks, Toris, home, my brother... no Eirikur, no Berwald, no Tino and _certainly_ no Mathias. I don't know Mathias' home number, either. Hell, I don't even know Mathias' address. What kind of _useless_ person am I?

It looks like there's only one option left. My one last resort. If this fails, that's _it_. I found myself trudging up some very familiar stairs, heading to the one room I attend every day without fail.

And there I was, stood in front of the clubroom.

Please, _someone_, let this work... I tentatively reached out my hand and twisted the doorknob, pushing the door open. And there, sat by the window, was my one last glimmer of hope, reading. He noticed me and looked up.

Berwald Oxenstierna.

Something wasn't right, though. Berwald looked... surprised? Since _when_ did Berwald have facial expressions? Still, I need confirmation.

'Berwald.' He reacted a little at my speaking of his name. _Very_ weird.

'...mm?'

'Do you... know who I am?'

A long pause. Berwald looked away, readjusting his glasses. He almost looked... _shy_. Please...

'...ja.'

He did! He_ knew!_ Oh, thank _goodness!_

'I know a bit about you, too.'

'...mm?' He's reacting. With _actual_ emotion. This is just _odd_. Still, he knows me... _right?_

'Ja, you're a Humanoid Interface created by aliens. You have almost magic-like powers that have saved us so many times. Like modifying a baseball bat and saving me from being frazzled by a laser beam. That's the you I know, at least.' Berwald shifted around uncomfortably in his seat. '...Am I wrong?'

Another long pause.

'...m'sorry.'

Why? Why are you sorry? _Why?_

'...all I know is you're a student'n class 5. See you now'n then. Nothin' more.' ...w-what? _Nei_... 'This's th'first time 've talked t'you here.'

'Then... you're... not an alien?' This can't be _happening_...

'...alien?' There was something in Berwald's eyes... something like _fear_.

'Tell me, Berwald. Does the name Mathias Køhler mean anything to you?'

Berwald hung his head. '...nej.'

'That's not possible!' I walked towards Berwald, knocking a few books off the table in the process. Berwald stood up, clutching his book with both hands. 'Come on! Don't you _remember_ 597 years of summer? The world _changed_ between yesterday and today! Mathias has been replaced by Ivan Braginsky! You _must_ know who's responsible, you must remember something!' I was yelling in his face by this point. 'Was it the Data Integration Thought Entity? Ivan's back, isn't he the same as you? Explain to me! You always do, you always know!'

'...stop't... please...' Berwald mumbled. He... didn't remember either.

Another book fell to the floor with a thud. I stood back, bumping into the table and knocking the rest of the books down.

'...I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I just... needed to confirm something.' I took out a second seat, not wanting to take Berwald's, and sat down, head in hands.

I could have _cried_ then. That was _it_. Game over. If this was some kind of assault on my mind, it's worked. Resounding success. Well done.

Still... who could have done something like this? Mathias? The Data Integration Thought Entity? Some _other_ enemy we haven't encountered yet?

In any case, this is just the Literary Club's room. This is how the room was when Mathias dragged me in here earlier in the year- _almost_. There was one major difference.

This room had a computer in it, similar to the one Mathias filched from the Computer Research Society. Not exactly the same, though, and most likely not connected to the internet. After all, that was something _else_ Mathias had forced the Estonian President to do.

I looked up at Berwald again, who was still gripping the book tightly, consistently averting eye contact. This _really_ wasn't the Berwald I knew.

'...Would you mind if I used the computer?'

'...n-nej. Wait 'moment, please...' Berwald pulled up his chair from earlier and sat down in front of the computer. It looked like a particularly old model, especially compared with the laptops we won a while ago. Still, it _might_ do the job, I suppose. What's he doing, anyway? Moving or deleting files he doesn't want me to see?

Tap-tap-tap went Berwald's fingers across the keyboard. I don't suppose this Berwald would be capable of the rapid movements he achieved during the duel.

'...there.' Berwald stood up to let me at the computer.

'Takk.' I took a seat at the computer. The mouse certainly wasn't one I was used to. Still, I had to search anywhere there might be a _possibility_ that Mathias still existed, and if that involves raiding a computer, then so be it. Perhaps I could look for the base plans for the SOS Brigade's website?

It was to no avail, though. There wasn't a _single_ thing. I thought back to when I was stuck in closed space with Mathias... Berwald had sent me a message through the computer then, hadn't he? Maybe there would be a message waiting on this computer... but that was all just wishful thinking.

There was nothing.

I stood up to leave. 'Sorry for intruding.'

'...'s that it?' Berwald asked.

'Ja. I didn't find what I was looking for.' Dejected, I picked up my bag and made my way to the door-

'...wait,' Berwald called. He was telling me to stop? Why? He picked out a piece of paper from the top shelf and handed it to me. 'Please. Take't.'

A Club Registration Form? I haven't seen one of these since Mathias invaded this room and created the SOS Brigade. Why was Berwald giving this to me? When we took the room, the Literary Club was on the verge of being cut due to lack of members. Was this... an _invitation?_

Whatever it was, I thanked Berwald and left to go home.

* * *

I suppose at least I'm used to all this crazy shit happening around me. Anyone else would have _really_ gone insane. Or just gone running straight for a counsellor.

...Actually, I had a counsellor once. Just to try and get me to deal with people. I think it helped. A _little_. Not that _this_ little incident is going to help in that respect. I'd barely spoken to anyone - well, besides Tino and Berwald - all afternoon, and somehow today I managed to convince the entire class that I was _completely_ mental, seriously piss off Tino and Gilbert, and terrify Berwald. Now normally, that would be an achievement, but today, it's _definitely_ not.

Oh, Mathias... Where are you? And just after that, too... Ok, yeah, I'll admit it. I _love_ that idiot. And it hurts like _hell_ to have him go AWOL on me. Well, as a wise man once said, you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Admittedly they _do_ then go on to talk about parking, but that's besides the point.

So what, Berwald's a normal human being, Tino's just a regular senior, and Eirikur never transferred in at _all?_ As I've asked many times, not expecting much of an answer because nobody knows a thing about it... What the _hell_ is going on?

Mathias... Do you even _exist_ any more?

* * *

Waiting for me when I got home and went up to my room was my brother, who had occupied himself with playing with Hanatamago.

'Oh! Hi, Norge! Dinner'll be ready soon!' Oh, that cheery innocence... Sometimes I wish _I_ could be as carefree as my brother. 'Dinner time, Hana! Dinner!' He was waving... something over Hanatamago's face. I pulled it out of his hands and tapped him on the head with it. 'Hey, _jerk!_'

I sat down cross-legged on my bedroom floor. 'Do you remember Mathias?'

'Uh... no?'

'What about Eirikur? Or Tino and Berwald, you liked them. We played baseball, went to an island and made a movie together, didn't we?'

'I don't remember _any_ of that.'

I was getting pretty sick of hearing that response. I picked up Hanatamago by the collar.

'Tell me, _lillebror_, when did we get this dog?'

'Uh... you took him in last month! From a friend who moved away, right?'

'I see.' So somehow history corrected itself so we'd still have her? 'Now if you'll excuse me, I need to talk with Hanatamago. _Alone_. So go away.'

'You're going to _talk_ to Hana?'

It didn't look like my brother was going to move without some forceful persuasion, so I placed Hanatamago back on my bed, picked him up and placed him outside my room.

'Wah, Norge! It's cold out here!'

'I don't _care_.' I re-entered my room, shutting the door firmly behind me. I could vaguely hear my brother running downstairs, shouting something along the lines of 'Norge's head's gone funny!'... or whatever it was. It was most likely correct, though.

'Ok, Hanatamago. _Talk_.' Yeah, I was desperate. Wouldn't anyone be? 'I know I told you not to, but right now I'd really like you to talk. _Anything_.'

Hanatamago just looked at me, as though she were expecting food. Argh, irritating little ball of fluff! Talk!

'Alright, can you understand me? Stick your right paw up for yes, and your left paw up for no.'

Hanatamago rolled over. Sigh... _that_ plan failed miserably.

I lay back on my carpet, glancing over at the mirror. I was a mess. Unsurprising, with all the running and shouting I've been doing.

Evidently this _isn't_ a world where dogs can talk. Which is actually completely normal. I guess I've just been so caught up in the SOS Brigade and all its weirdness I've lost touch with what normality is.

I remained in that position until I was called down for dinner.

* * *

A/N: Chapter 60! Lovely round number... literally. No straight lines when you write 60 with numerals. [/sadness] I now no longer have to worry about running out of material~ I found translations for the light novels, so that should keep me going for a while. Ufu~ [Yes, of course I'm going to buy them anyway. Books are easier to read than pdf files.] And then there are still manga chapters that aren't covered by that. Yay!

On topic, though, the torture continues. And people are scaaaary T_T Sweden's pretty shy in Hetalia, so... yeah. Badass Tino for the win! He really has been hanging around with Gilbert for too long...

Next chapter, Norge finds something. Vagueneeeeeess~

Until next time, tschüss~


	61. Disappearance IV

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler IV - Little Sparkle

* * *

Beep-beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep-beep.

December 15th. From now on we're spending less time in class, because that's just what we do.

This cold seemed to have spread through the entire school. It was like our class had been decimated, but in reverse - instead of one-tenth ill, it was more like only one-tenth _hadn't_ fallen prey to this most cruel of viruses.

I arrived at school that morning to find Ivan still occupying Mathias' seat. Looks like yesterday _wasn't_ just one long nightmare...

'Good morning. You are awake now, da?' Clearly he _still_ thought it his business to be concerned for my well-being.

I groaned. 'Define 'awake'.'

'Ufu... Well, simply having your eyes open does not make you awake. Taking in information from your surroundings is what makes you awake, da? So tell me. Are you awake?'

I really didn't want to deal with all this nonsense.

'Ivan.' I hung my coat on the back of my chair and sat down sideways so I could still see Ivan.

'Da?'

'I don't know what's going on, or if you're just playing dumb, or what. I'll ask again. Did you or did you not try to kill me?'

Ivan sighed. 'Perhaps you should be admitted to hospital, before it's too late...'

It didn't look like I was going to get a straight answer from him, so I dropped the topic and stopped talking.

* * *

Put it this way. Say there's a person. Any gender, I'll just use male pronouns for ease.

This person has been living in hell for a _very_ long time, dragged around and forced to do things he doesn't really want to do. This person suddenly wakes up one day and he's now in a place where all his troubles are gone.

However, he didn't _ask_ for this to happen. After being rattled and shaken around for so long, the sudden silence is unnerving. He was taken by someone he doesn't know. He doesn't know _who_ did it, or why it happened at all. Nobody ever works it out.

Should this person be happy?

Admittedly this _is_ a rather flawed analogy. I did enjoy a lot of the SOS Brigade's activities, so I was _hardly_ in hell. And I'm not the most fortunate person in _this_ world either.

...If I were, whoever did this would have remembered to wipe _my_ memory too.

But still, up until yesterday I'd been treated like the SOS Brigade's personal workbitch. My poor nerves had been fried. Like an egg, only with less protein. Now all that has nothing to do with me any more. If aliens, time travellers and espers exist at all, they exist far away from me. There's no Mathias and no Eirikur, and Berwald and Tino are just normal human beings. And dogs can't talk.

It's the epitome of normality.

What am I supposed to think? Would I prefer the world before, with Mathias and all the crazy shit, or the world I'm in now with normality and no Mathias?

_Could_ I be happy here?

* * *

It seemed like my feet had been set to auto-pilot, as I found myself heading to the Literary Club's room out of sheer habit. After all, I go to the SOS Brigade every single day. Mainly because Mathias would probably reveal that he's got an _axe_ hidden under all that clutter reserved for members who skip meetings, but it was still a regular fixture.

Maybe it was lack of coffee that made me act like that towards Berwald yesterday. I normally survive on the coffee served by Tino, but since Tino no longer remembers me that's not _really_ an option.

In any case, though it may be a bad habit, it's one that's going to be difficult to break. The mood in the air today is a bit different, though.

I pulled the Club Registration Form out of my pocket. Did Berwald give it to me in the hope that I'd join the Literary Club or something?

I was sharply woken from my dazed wandering when someone crashed into me.

'Ah, sorry-' The figure looked up, and my eyes were greeted by Tino's. 'It's _you!_ What are _you_ doing here again?'

I wanted to tell him I was just passing through, but the words just _wouldn't_ come. Like something was grabbing at my throat and forcing them back down again.

'Tino?' And worse, Gilbert had just shown up. 'You! Go away!'

Fixing my gaze on the floor, I carried on walking in the direction of the clubroom.

I just need coffee. Yeah. That's it. And I wish I could go back to the days when Tino would serve it to me. Because right now, he _clearly_ doesn't like me.

I'm sorry, Tino. I don't even know _what_ I'm apologising for, but I'm sorry.

* * *

I finally reached the clubroom. Even though I knew there would only be the human Berwald in there, I knocked anyway. I heard a faint 'Come in...' from beyond the door, so I opened the door. Sure enough, there he was.

'Hei,' I called. 'Hope I'm not intruding again.'

Berwald shook his head. I made my way into the clubroom, shutting the door quietly behind me.

Maybe people don't want to join because they're _scared_ of Berwald. He may be a normal person now, but he still has a scary face.

Of course, I may be here, but I _still_ don't have a clue what I'm going to do next. I took the seat in front of the computer, but didn't do anything with it. Looking behind me, I noticed that the shelves were full of books. Just the way it was when we took over.

'Are all these books yours?' I asked. Berwald shook his head again.

'...some were here b'fore.'

'Hm.'

Awkward silences seem to be all too common when it's just Berwald and me.

'...this...' Hm? '...this one's borrowed. From th'public library.'

'I see.'

Only then did I remember that we could buy coffee downstairs. After all, Eirikur had done that when he explained the whole esper thing. I offered to get Berwald some, which he accepted, so I took a trip downstairs and bought some. Funny. Now Mathias isn't ordering me to buy drinks, my wallet seems to be a _lot_ fuller.

I took the coffees back upstairs, and we remained in silence for a while longer. Did I like it? It was certainly a change from the chaos of the SOS Brigade and the insanity of class, but still... Coffee never tastes as good when it's in paper cups.

Eventually I got bored and started pacing around the table. To calm my nerves as much as anything. If my nerves had been fried before, right now they were being attacked by a _flamethrower_.

On my third trip round the table, I stopped to look at the bookshelf more closely. The alien Berwald was a bookworm, too. In fact, that book there was the one he gave to me before he explained-

Wait. That book was the one the alien Berwald gave to me. And I can just see a bookmark poking out the top. A bookmark, note... just like the first time! I started to pull the book out, but it was firmly lodged in place. Damn tight_ bookshelves!_

That's when I noticed someone behind me. Berwald had got up from his seat and come over to help. He easily pulled the book out and handed it to me without a word.

'...Takk.' Berwald simply nodded and went to sit back down again.

Helping me out like that..._ That's_ more the Berwald I know. Only with the old Berwald, it tended to be in more life-threatening situations.

Right. Just like before... this _could_ be a clue!

I pulled the bookmark out of the book. There was indeed a message written on it. 'Program run condition: collect keys. Deadline: two days.'

_...Deadline?_

'Berwald,' I asked, 'did you write this?' I held up the bookmark. It certainly matched Berwald's handwriting.

'...nej. I don't remember writin' that.' Berwald hung his head.

'Ah, nei, it's better for me that you didn't.'

This was _definitely_ Berwald's handwriting. But _this_ Berwald didn't write it.

Which means it was left by the alien Berwald.

I've got a _hint!_ There's a way _out_ of this!

But of course, since this was the alien Berwald, it didn't make sense. Program? Keys? The only keys I've got are for my locker and my house... perhaps not literal keys. And deadline? Today's the 15th. The two days... does that start from today, when I found the bookmark, or yesterday when the world changed? Worst-case scenario, the deadline's tomorrow.

I started flicking through the rest of the books, which were much easier to remove now there was already a space, searching for any more bookmarks.

So what _are_ these keys? And once I have them all, what _then?_ And more importantly, is that program going to restore the world to its usual crazy state?

At the very least, is it going to bring Mathias back?

Ugh. Keys could be _anything_. Key_word?_ Key _person?_ Key... _fish?_ The word's too vague. Dammit, Berwald, now I'm just _confused!_ Couldn't you have given me a _bit_ more of a hint? _Please?_

* * *

In any case, it got dark pretty quickly, and I found nothing. Putting all those books back on the shelves was dull and took too long. And I was still no closer to understanding this whole 'key' thing. I'd long since finished my coffee.

Maybe living in this world and joining the Literary Club wouldn't be such a bad thing-

_Nei_. I _can't_ think like that. I _refuse_ to give up. Berwald gave me a hint and I am _damn_ well going to use it.

...If I don't, I'll never see Mathias again. Or the rest of the Brigade as friends. Besides, Mathias promised salmon. I want to see if he can actually cook.

'I'm going home now,' I announced to nobody in particular.

'...k.' Berwald seemed to take that as his cue to leave. Was he _waiting_ for me to say that?

* * *

Our homes were in the same general direction, so we ended up walking home together. Huh. I've only ever walked home with Mathias. Certainly never with Berwald.

'Berwald?' I asked, as we walked along a reasonably quiet road.

'...mm?' His reactions were still nowhere near the level of, say, Mathias, but a thousand times more pronounced than the alien Berwald's.

'Do you live by yourself?'

'...ja.' No doubt he's wondering how I knew something like that. Well, I've been there often enough... not that _he_ knows that.

'Any pets?'

'Banned.' Ah, of course. Apartment rules.

We walked straight past the supermarket I'd bought the tinsel from the other day. Before it disappeared. Maybe somewhere there's Mathias and Eirikur, and Eirikur's class as well, all playing with my tinsel in the big 'Vanished' club.

Or at least, _I_ walked past it. Berwald had stopped.

'...come?'

'Huh?' I turned to look at him. I hadn't noticed he'd stopped, so I was ahead of him.

'...will you... come..?'

'Come where?'

'...mine.'

'Your... apartment?' Was it too embarrassing to come out and say it? Why did he want _me_ to go there?

I wonder if this Berwald is as 'attached' to Tino as the other one was... not that either of them would ever do much about it. This Berwald seems overbearingly shy, so it's unlikely he'd do anything about it anyway.

Well, I don't see any reason why not. I don't have any particular rushing need to go home, and if Berwald wants me to...

I may as well humour him.

* * *

A/N: Incorrect use of the word 'decimation' annoys me a whole lot more than it should.

And here's where trying to steer away from SuNor gets awkward. But still, there's hope! Yay! It must have been the coffee. Coffee solves everything.

Next chapter, Norge and Berwald get a visitor.

Until next time, hej då~


	62. Disappearance V

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler V - Meal With The Devil

* * *

Berwald led me up to his apartment. It was pretty warm inside, although compared to outside even spending a night in the _fridge_ would be warmer than out there. I'm surprised it hasn't started snowing yet. It's certainly been gloomy enough.

_Click._

Berwald flicked a switch, and light flooded the apartment. I noticed immediately that this version of the apartment had a lot more going on - there was a TV, for starters. A pretty big one. I guess as a human he can't just sit there and do nothing all the time. Oh, and curtains. Big blue ones.

At least _that_ room's still there.

'Berwald?'

'...mm?'

'Could I take a look in here?'

Berwald nodded. While he removed his shoes and left them by the door, I opened the door of _that_ room. The room Tino and I slept in for three years. Of course, neither of us remembered a thing from it, since Berwald had frozen time or something, but it was still... almost _nostalgic_.

And now I just feel _old_. Not right at all.

Anyway, enough being nosy. I hung my coat and scarf on some pegs near the door, leaving my shoes underneath. Wouldn't want to dirty the floor.

Berwald soon brought out some coffees. We sat at the same table as before, drinking coffee in silence. So why _did_ Berwald bring me here?

'...I...' Berwald seemed to be struggling to start a conversation. Yeah, I know _that_ one. '...'ve met you b'fore.'

'Really?' Perhaps _that's_ why he said he knew me yesterday... he could have phrased it better, I thought there was hope for me then. _Sigh_...

'...mm. Outside school.'

'Where?' If there was some link here...

'Th'library. Don't you r'member?' Library, library... maybe? 'Y'helped me get a library card.'

Ja, that _does_ sound familiar. That was the first SOS Brigade Search-The-City-And-Find-Nothing tour, wasn't it? If I hadn't done that, you would have just stood there and read for hours. How does _this_ Berwald remember that, though?

'I think I _may_ remember something like that. Details, please?'

Berwald nodded. I guess starting a conversation is like removing the lid from a bottle. Once it's off, the contents can flow freely. Of course, the bottle has to be in the right position for the contents to come out, but that's irrelevant. The hypothetical bottle is upside-down, and the conversation-liquid is pouring out.

Or something like that.

'...'t was th'first time I'd been t'a public library. I... didn't know how t'get a library card, and th'staff were too busy to worry 'bout someone like me.'

In other words, you were too shy to ask? Yeah... I remember feeling like that. I've got better since, but...

'...'m not good with strangers. Someone 'ppeared 'n did th'work t'get me a library card. I just took th'card and left without thanking'm. 'n that was you.'

The traffic rumbled outside.

'I r'gretted not thankin' you... and I didn't expect you to 'ppear at school.' Berwald lifted his head, his cyan eyes making contact with mine. 'Tack.'

I didn't think I would _ever_ get used to Berwald showing emotion like this.

His story _does_ match up pretty well with the way it actually happened, but one or two things don't make sense. In my version, we went to the library because we couldn't care less about Mathias' big search. In his version, Mathias doesn't exist. Hence, there would be no reason for me and him to rush off somewhere. Why would I do something like that for a complete stranger?

* * *

_Ding-dong._

Sounds like _someone_ wants to be let in.

Berwald stood up and made his way over to the apartment intercom. Who would be visiting Berwald at this time?

'...hallå?' he mumbled into the intercom. '...now's a bit...'

Ok, who was it? Really?

'...mm.' Berwald looked back at me. '...moment?'

'Ok.' With my approval, Berwald walked over to the door, being careful to avoid the shoes, and opened said door. I think. I was staring at the table, back in my thoughts.

'Oh?' A _horribly_ familiar voice brought me crashing back to reality, though. 'What are _you_ doing here?'

Ivan. Carrying some sort of casserole dish, from the looks of things.

'I could ask _you_ the same question.'

'Ah, you are talking to me again. Good! I work as a volunteer around this apartment. Your presence here is far more strange, da?'

Hm. Just don't pull any pipes out of the walls and I'll be fine.

* * *

Ivan joined me at the table, much to my disgust. Not that I let it show, of course. Ivan's as much Berwald's guest as I am, no matter how terrifying I know Ivan can be. Berwald himself had gone to collect some bowls, I think.

'...Did you make this?' I asked, referring to whatever concoction was stored in the dish, currently resting on the table between Ivan and me.

'Da, I often cook extra and bring some to Berwald. If you leave him alone, he simply won't eat enough.'

Ivan's face seemed to be stuck on permanent Creepy Smile Mode.

'Are you friends?'

'Ufu... Of course! Friends are wonderful!' Funny, I remember you saying those _exact_ words before... 'We _do_ live in the same apartment block. So why are you here?'

'...Berwald invited me over.'

'Oh? I didn't know you were friends.'

'...We're not, as such. I...' Well, let's see. I know Berwald as an alien who's saved my life many times, one of which was saving me from _you_. Oh, and you were an alien too. One that tried to bash my head in with a pipe.

Somehow I don't think that'd go down too well with my class president.

'I was thinking of joining the Literary Club. That's all.'

Ivan just laughed at that. 'Ufu... Literary Club? I'm afraid I just don't see it. Do you read? Or write?'

Hei, that's mean. I read plenty. Just not at school.

I shot Ivan a glare as a response, but he just carried on smiling at me.

This was seriously unnerving. I picked up my stuff and headed for the exit.

'Oh? Are you not eating with us?' Nei, Ivan, I'm _not_. If _you're_ trying to feed me, how do I know it's not poisoned? 'That's a shame. I'm quite proud of this one...'

And that's when Berwald decided to show up again. I wasn't entirely focused, so I nearly walked into him.

He'd got _three_ bowls.

'Sorry.' I tried to make my way past him to get to the door-

'...stay.' That shocked me. From what I'd seen of this Berwald, he's pretty shy... so _asking_ me to stay? He's still avoiding eye contact, too...

He must _really_ not want me to leave.

'...maybe I will eat. I'm pretty hungry.' Berwald just nodded and carried the bowls over to the table.

I think I'd probably regret it if I went home now. It's incredibly rare for Berwald to ask for what he _himself_ wants, rather than anyone else... or the Data Integration Thought Entity.

'Ah, you have returned! Food is much better when shared with friends, da?' Ivan continued smiling as I sat back down at the table.

...I don't think who you eat with has _any_ effect at all on the food.

* * *

And so we sat and ate. Ivan did pretty much all of the talking, on such _scintillating_ topics as Christmas presents. In any case, this Ivan and this Berwald seem to get along well. Like Ivan was Berwald's overprotective uncle or something.

'So, is it good?' Ivan asked suddenly. Oh, ja, the food. I'm not too familiar with Russian food, but I _think_ this was borscht?

'...Ja. Good.'

'Ufu...' Ivan's creepy smile seemed to widen.

Somehow I feel like I've been invited to dinner with Cthulhu... well, ok, that's hardly nice to Berwald, but I still feel like Ivan's just waiting to jump out and kill me.

Maybe I'm just over-paranoid. Yeah. That's it. Tends to happen when you wake up in some parallel universe where nobody has a clue what you're on about. I think. I don't think that's something that's been extensively researched. Maybe there's a career in that...

Anyway, once we'd all stuffed ourselves full of borscht, Ivan _finally_ headed out.

'Put the leftovers in a container in the fridge. I'll collect the dish tomorrow, da?'

Berwald nodded, and Ivan opened the door and walked out. I took that opportunity to make my own way out. I was in the middle of fumbling around with my shoes when I remembered something.

'...Berwald?'

'...mm?'

'Is it... ok if I come to the clubroom tomorrow as well? I don't really have anywhere else to go...'

I half-expected Berwald just to nod and have done with it, but what he did next surprised me more than anything he'd done before.

Berwald _smiled_.

And I never thought I'd be saying this in relation to Berwald, whose face normally terrifies people, but... it was _adorable_.

* * *

Not that I could get rid of Ivan completely. Berwald's apartment was still a few floors up, and I didn't want to walk down all those stairs. Unfortunately the only other option was to share a lift with Ivan... Ok, I can save time and legs, or sanity.

I think I'll save my legs. It's just paranoia.

Of course, Ivan _still_ seemed to want to talk to me. I fixed my line of vision on the little display arrow, going down over and over again.

'Anyone in there?' Ivan stooped down a little to stare into my face. He and Berwald are roughly the same height... that is, taller than me. 'I've been trying to talk to you. Why are you ignoring me? Have you seen an alien? Ufu...'

Oh, the wonders of unintentional accuracy. And what was that little giggle for, anyway?

'Seeing an alien wouldn't be weird.'

'Oh? Do tell.'

'...Never mind. What did you want?'

'Berwald. You like him, da?'

Sighing, I leant against the wall of the lift. 'I don't dislike him.'

'Ufu... Perhaps I was thinking too much. After all, you prefer strange people, da? Berwald isn't strange enough for you.'

'And who told you _that?_'

'Toris. Who else? He knew you from middle school, da?'

_Typical_. That's just like Ivan. Ask the right questions, with the right words, and you can get any information you like. Being well-liked by the class doesn't hurt, either... if only they knew.

'Of course,' Ivan continued, 'if you do anything that brings harm to Berwald... I _won't_ forgive you.'

My mind's eye was seeing Ivan surrounded by some evil purple aura when saying those words... it was more than a _bit_ scary.

'Ufu...' Nei, Ivan, giggling like that _isn't_ going to raise my opinion of you. 'Besides, Berwald already has his eye on someone else. Perhaps one day he will grow in confidence, da?'

Someone else? Has to be Tino... doesn't it? And he's just too shy to say anything about it...

'Why are you so concerned about Berwald anyway?' I asked.

'Ah... We live in the same apartment block, so it is only natural to care for one another, da? I feel bound to look after him. He would, after all, function rather poorly in the outside world, so I help where I can.'

With a ding, the lift reached the fifth floor, where Ivan's apartment was, and the doors slid open.

'Da svedanya!' Ivan smiled one last time, and left, scarf trailing behind him.

I thought about visiting that Belgian woman in charge, but come to think of it, she'd _probably_ be asleep.

* * *

I soon found myself walking with my bicycle alongside me, on that _stupid_ hill on the way home. I just wanted to go home and sleep. I mean, as I found out this morning, that wouldn't make this whole mess go away, but sleep would _definitely_ do me some good. Besides, that Danish idiot is perfectly capable of invading people's dreams without even thinking about it.

Sigh... Mathias... you're so much trouble whether you're here or not. Can't you just show your _stupid_ face when I actually want you to? Listen to what I'm saying for once...

I stopped walking, slamming my head down onto the bicycle's handlebars.

This whole situation is _insane_. All I've got is a bookmark with some vague hint printed on it. What _are_ these keys, anyway?

I just want to see Mathias again...

* * *

A/N: I apologise for the absolutely terrible pun in the title.

Oh yeah, you know that scene from a few chapters back, with the umbrella and the kiss, the one that everyone seemed to like? There's a link to my dA in my profile. With that scene in picture form. I just couldn't help myself ^^'

Next chapter, stuff starts looking up! There must be cows flying outside! *shot'd*

Until next time, adieu~


	63. Disappearance VI

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler VI - Return Of The King... Of Northern Europe

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

December 16th. I had even _less_ inclination to get up than normal... and I didn't even dream. _Useless_.

Today's supposedly the deadline, and I _still_ don't have a clue what kind of 'keys' I'm supposed to be looking for. Which means if I can't figure it out, the world stays like it is.

No more Mathias.

Or it _could_ get worse. I just don't know.

Berwald... _why_ did you need to set a deadline? Why? I imagine it would have been pretty difficult to set this whole scenario up in the first place, but a _deadline?_

_Sigh..._

* * *

It's at times like this when I _really_ miss Mathias' bothering. That awkward period between lessons... at least then there'd be _something_ to keep me occupied. Now, there wasn't. And I _hated_ it.

'Oi, Norge!' I heard a voice from behind me, which I think belonged to Feliks. Must have recovered. He slapped me on the shoulder, waking me up from my depressed daze. 'Like, the teacher's picking my row to ask questions next period. Help me out, will ya?'

Sounds like his accent's recovered too. _Great_.

I looked around the room. Everyone else appeared to be busy with something. Ivan didn't seem to be here, so he was probably off doing class president duties. I begrudgingly took Feliks' books.

'Toris?' I called. Toris looked up from where he was working by himself. 'Teach this idiot about sodium hydroxide, please? And how it just loves hydrochloric acid.'

'Of course.' Toris closed his books and made his way over to my seat by the window. 'It's fairly simple. Mix them and they neutralise. What do you need help with?'

'Uh...' Feliks snatched his book back from me and flipped it to the page he needed. 'Like, this one.'

'Ah, ok.'

'Oh yah, Norge? I hear you've, like, been causing a mess while I've been away or something?' Weren't you _here_ then? 'See, I was totally out of it so I spent that day in the medical room. Then, like, I wasn't here yesterday. So what'd I miss? Something about Ivan not being supposed to be here or something?'

I _really_ should have known Feliks would start interrogating me the moment he got back to school. I didn't feel like talking to him much, though. 'Something like that, ja.'

'It was that Ivan had replaced someone else, wasn't it? Some... _Mathias_, was it?' Toris thankfully answered that for me. 'Did you find anything out?'

That last one was directed at me, of course.

'Just... forget it,' I mumbled into my hand. I wasn't paying too much attention to Toris' explanations, so I'd ended up staring aimlessly out of the window.

'Mathias?' Feliks sounded a little... _surprised_. 'You totally can't mean Mathias Køhler, can ya?'

'You know him?' Toris asked.

'Yah, totally.' Feliks looked back at his book. 'This one, right?'

...Wait. Feliks said _what?_

_That_ was enough to make me stop staring out of the window in despair.

'Feliks, can't you think about it yourself instead of asking me?' Toris again.

'But there's, like, no _way_ I can do it myself!' Feliks suddenly noticed me staring. '_What?_'

'_What_ did you just say?' I asked. An escape rope was dangling tantalisingly close to my face, and there was _no_ way I was letting this one go.

'Like... I don't get this prob-'

'_Before_ that. About Mathias Køhler.'

Feliks grinned. 'Mathias Køhler, huh? He was, like, _totally_ crazy back at my last school. And I should know, I was in a class with him for years. Do you, like, know him or something?'

'Feliks, you _dumbass!_' My sudden shout brought the rest of the classroom to silence. I'd slammed my hands down on the desk and stood up, knocking my chair over with a clatter.

Feliks _knew_ Mathias. Mathias _hadn't_ wiped himself out of existence.

_Mathias existed!_

'Like, what?' Feliks got up out of his chair, a look of confusion on his stupid face.

I grabbed hold of Feliks' jacket and pulled him towards me. 'You _know_ Mathias?'

'How could I _not_ know Mathias? There's, like, no way I'd be able to forget a nutjob like him! Can't you, like, let go of me?'

There was no way I was letting go of Feliks until I'd got the information I wanted- _needed_. '_Where_ is Mathias now?' I demanded, grip tightening on his lapels.

'Like, why the hell do _you_ want to know? Did you see him once and totally fall for him?' Actually, you're not too far off there. Except it was much, _much_ more than once. 'Forget him! He's totally screwed up! There was that one time he snuck into the grounds and-'

'I _know_ all that!' Feliks was struggling, but I refused to let go. 'Where the _hell_ is Mathias now?'

'He's at World Academy!' Wo- _what?_ There's no way he could be going there!

'That's an all-girls' school, _idiot!_'

'Norge!' Toris broke us up, pushing me away from Feliks. 'World Academy has always been co-ed. Are you ok?'

I picked up my coat and scarf and pushed Toris out of the way, heading straight for the door. 'I'm leaving! Tell the teacher I've got bubonic plague and typhoid and pneumonia all at once! And Feliks?'

'Huh?'

'_Takk!_' I shouted my thanks to Feliks and ran off. I _knew_ where Mathias was. _I knew where Mathias was!_ There wasn't a _second's_ worth of time to waste! I had to find that Danish idiot _now!_

* * *

And so I ran. World Academy was a fair distance away from North High, but I don't think I would have stopped if a herd of _moose_ had been blocking my path. Hell, I would have just vaulted over them. By the time I was almost there, running was getting a little difficult, but I kept going until I got there. If they had vanishing friends as motivation when running for class, I would have aced it several times over with that one marathon.

Of course, in my rush, there was one incredibly obvious detail I'd missed. World Academy was still a school. All the students would still be in lessons. Even if all the area's schools did have a half-day, there was still an _hour_ to go until they'd be released.

_Damn_, I'm stupid.

There was a low wall near the entrance, so I sat myself there to get my breath back. Breathing is good for you, did you know?

I suppose I could always force my way in... that would _certainly_ be what Mathias would do in my situation. Worse, he'd manage it. Me, on the other hand... I've never been so lucky. Nor am I that confident. So, I guess I'll just have to sit and wait. Unlike Mathias, I can control myself.

It was a pretty dull hour's wait. Very few cars came down this way, so it was incredibly quiet. But, at long last, the gates opened, and out came the World Academy students in a swarm of blue and red. Most of the faces were completely unfamiliar, but I recognised one or two from Eirikur's missing class. So _that's_ where they all went, is it?

Still, if they're all there, there's a good chance Mathias himself is _somewhere_ in that crowd. If he's got club activities, I'll just stand here and wait. Wait... club... what if he's made a different version of the SOS Brigade out here? With completely different people? Ugh, I can't stand the thought of being replaced like that. Of course, since I never met him here, it wouldn't really be replacement... Dammit, that _pisses_ me off! That would make Berwald, Tino, Eirikur and I dispensable, and that's _not_ a thought I like at all.

Argh, just make this anxiety go _away!_

As if on cue, one particular figure amongst the crowd caught my attention. A mop of messy blond hair. Tie not-quite done up properly. That stupid little black hat. And that unmistakeable idiotic grin.

There was no doubting it. I'd finally found Mathias.

* * *

Externally, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Internally, I was practically _screaming_. _There_ was Mathias. _Right there._

And Eirikur was with him too!- wait. The two of them had their arms around each other... like a _couple_, almost. They were clearly close here, and to be honest it made me feel horrible. Out of sheer envy. Because something didn't quite add up. Back in my version of events, Mathias switched hats because _I_ pointed it out. He cheered up because I got involved in stuff. Then... was Eirikur my _replacement_ for this Mathias? That meant...

_Ugh_. I always thought Eirikur and I were too similar.

I tried to call out to Mathias, but the words got stuck in my throat. Nei... Not _this_ again! Was I _always_ such a coward? Mathias and Eirikur just walked closer to me, and something was holding me back. Come on! _Do_ something! It's _Mathias_, isn't it?

Mathias pulled Eirikur closer and pressed his lips to Eirikur's silver hair.

_That_ got me moving.

I ran in front of the two of them, obstructing their path.

'_Hei!_' I shouted. Mathias and Eirikur stopped.

'What?' Mathias dropped the grin pretty quickly. 'You're in the way. Move.'

That _hurt_. Like an _axe_ to the chest.

'Seriously, _move!_ Who the heck _are_ you, anyway?' Mathias was now glaring at me. 'If you're here to flirt, you're out of luck.'

I didn't reply to Mathias. Instead, I turned my attention to Eirikur. '_You_ haven't met me before either, have you..?'

Eirikur tilted his head to the side. 'Indeed, I haven't. Who are you?'

'Are you a transfer student here as well?'

Now I'd got Eirikur confused. 'Já, I transferred in around spring... how did you know that?'

'Do you know any Agency?'

'Agency? Doesn't ring any bells.' Huh. It was worth a shot. I turned back to Mathias, who had stopped glaring and was avoiding eye contact.

'Mathias?' He looked straight at me, and I thought- actually, I don't know _what_ I thought.

'And who the _hell_ told you who I am? _Move_, you.' Mathias tried to continue walking, but I moved to block him off again. I'd come all this way, and _this_ is how he was treating me?

'Mathias Køhler!'

'_How_ do you know my name? You're a North High student, what are you _doing_ here anyway? Eirikur, let's go.'

'Ok.' Eirikur agreed, and the two started walking again. _Nei!_ They can't go _now!_ I grabbed Mathias' shoulder, and he turned and punched me, knocking me to the ground. _Why_ do people keep punching me?

'Eirikur! We're going, now!' They were going again? They _can't!_ Not now...

'Wait!' I called after them.

'And what are you doing, mister?' A voice came from behind me. It was some kind of policeman. 'Where are you from? North High, eh?'

I gave no response, just tried to get up and run after Mathias and Eirikur. They'd linked arms again-_ this can't be happening!_ The policeman grabbed my shoulders and stopped me.

'Wait! Mathias! Just one thing!' I continued to struggle against the policeman. 'Midsummer, three years ago!'

Mathias stopped. Glanced over his shoulder at me.

'You drew on the grounds in white.' This was quite possibly my only chance.

'So what if I did? _Everyone_ knows that.'

'But _I_ know! I know you weren't the _only_ one there that night!' This was one thing I could _never_ tell the real Mathias, but if it works on this one... 'Tino- uh, there were two guys! One had fallen asleep! You drew the symbols with the other guy!'

Silence. The policeman tried to pull me away, but I refused to go anywhere. Mathias turned and marched straight towards me, grabbed the shoulders of my jacket and bashed his forehead against mine. I'd almost forgotten how thick his skull was...

'_Who_ told you that-' There was a note of panic in Mathias' voice I wasn't expecting. 'N-_nej_... I never told _anyone_ that! North High... What's your name?'

My _name?_ That depends. Do you want my name, my nickname, or... the name I gave you three years ago?

That's pretty obvious. The first two would have no effect. Mathias wouldn't know me by name. And 'Norge' to him would simply mean Norway. That leaves me with one option.

'John... John Smith.'

Mathias dropped me.

'You... you're _that_ John Smith? The weird one that helped me three years ago...' He stumbled backwards a little.

That's _it_. I've got a link. Of all the memories that have vanished, there's one that remains in both of our minds. That confirms at least two things. One, that event _definitely_ happened. Two, this person in front of me is _definitely_ Mathias Køhler.

So if that event happened... what went wrong with the world?

* * *

A/N: Well, Russia just wanted to be in a warm place surrounded by sunflowers, so there's definitely some 'dere' hidden in all that 'yan' somewhere. And everyone missed him... so here's Mathias! Yay! [Ok, ok, Haruhi and Itsuki weren't actually that close, but torturing Norge is waaaaay too fun. Sorry.]

The reason for the frequent updates is that I'm not actually at school at the moment. Unfortunately I'm back on Monday, so it'll probably slow down again. And now off to make cosplay stuff! [Viking Norway, if you were wondering.]

Next chapter, Mathias is himself. Chaos ensues! Hooray! [It's probably going to be a long one. Always seems to be the case for Part VII of an arc.]

Until next time, vertu sael~


	64. Disappearance VII

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler VII - READY?

* * *

Mathias, Eirikur and I made our way to a nearby café. I would have liked to go to our usual one near the station, but that would be much too far away. I explained my crazy situation on the way there.

Which is one thing I could _never_ do with my Mathias.

It's... _weird_. I'm incredibly happy to see Mathias again, but at the same time, he's not _my_ Mathias. My head still hurts a little from where he forehead-bashed me. And this odd feeling of jealousy... it's not something I've experienced before. At _all_.

I explained about the SOS Brigade, about aliens, time travellers and espers, and about his own abilities and what they meant to the other members of the Brigade. About just how Tino and I ended up there to help him out that night three years ago. And suffice it to say Mathias was _very_ interested.

I took a sip of my coffee. _Extra_ strong. I needed it.

'I met John Smith twice, you know,' Mathias started. 'First time was just like you said - drawing out those alien symbols on the ground. Second... he called out to me on my way home. Something like 'Take care of the John Smith that will shape the future!'.'

'That's not _quite_ what I remember.' _Faen_. I thought I made a link... but it's broken? Back to the forge then. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link... and that has nothing to do with anything.

'So, can I just confirm some things?' Eirikur asked. I noticed a distinct lack of bowtie-adorned-feathery-bundle... then again, the puffin acted as the esper Eirikur's familiar or something, so it's only natural that there wouldn't be a talking puffin attached to a _normal_ person's head. 'You say you've been living in another world, one in which Mathias and I attend North High and are part of this SOS Brigade?'

'Ja, that's right.'

'And there are two more members, the alien Berwald Oxenstierna and the time traveller Tino Väinämöinen, correct? And... this sounds so weird. I, an esper, along with those two, watch Mathias?'

'Ja.'

Eirikur just shook his head in disbelief. 'That would be surprising if it were _actually_ true.'

'Eirikur, the guy's just telling us what he knows! Don't be cruel like that,' Mathias scolded. Wow. If _this_ is what the John Smith card does to Mathias, I definitely need to save it for the most opportune moment. Which would probably be a _total_ crisis, as telling all this to an empowered Mathias would be A Very Bad Idea. 'Anyway, you say when I get depressed or angry I create this closed space stuff?'

'Yeah. Most of my problems are entirely your fault.'

'And because of that I almost destroyed the universe?'

'Uh, yeah.'

'But the me over there doesn't know that?' Mathias had his weight all on his arms, leaning closer and closer from across the table with every statement.

'The you over there probably has the best of things. You spend your time doing fun things and don't get the associated problems. Lucky _bastard_.'

'Supernatural stuff happens over there, right?'

'...Yeah.'

Mathias sat back down again, thinking. Which is something my Mathias doesn't do that much of. Thinking, I mean. He does plenty of sitting.

'...That sounds _fun!_' he suddenly shouted. Rather loudly. Some of the other customers in the café had turned to look at us... yeah, way to make me feel better. But still...

'You _believe_ me?' I asked. 'The other you didn't believe me at all when I told him.'

'Then the other me is an idiot!'

'Yep, that sounds about right.'

'Of _course_ I'll believe you! That's much more interesting!' Mathias was shouting again. Now the whole café were staring at us. 'John Smith made me look into North High three years ago, but I couldn't find him or anyone that looked like him at all! Nobody had floating hair like yours!'

Eheh... of _all_ the distinguishing features, he had to go with _that_ one..? Ah, ja, he pulled it...

'But that's because you weren't _there_ three years ago!'

I couldn't help but smile a little. 'So why didn't you come to North High in this world?'

'Eh, no real reason. John Smith wouldn't be there by the time I got there, and I didn't find him anyway. Besides, teachers kept pestering me, telling me World Academy was better for university entrance or something _stupid_ like that.'

'I see... and you?' I looked over at Eirikur.

'Hm? Me? Same thing. When we moved to this area, we simply picked the school that would be most beneficial.' ...Yeah, yeah, you're overly intelligent, we get it, don't rub it in.

'SOS Brigade, huh... Sounds fun!'

'It _is_ for you. It's fun for the rest of us, but _you_ don't get dragged into problems by a vaudeville hook.'

'If you're telling the truth, there are two possibilities.' Eirikur pulled a notepad and pen out of his pocket. 'Possibility one: you've somehow entered a parallel world.' Two arrows, each with a little stick figure standing on the end. Eirikur drew a line in between, passing from one arrow to the other. He tore that page out of his notepad and placed it on the table.

'I thought about that.'

'Possibility two: the world you were in completely changed, with the exception of you.' A single arrow this time, and Eirikur drew a squiggly line over it. I have to say, his artistic skills leave much to be desired... although I suppose it's just an example, not a work of art.

'Hmm...'

'Of course, both leave unanswered questions. If it's a parallel world, then where did _this_ world's you go? But if the world changed, why were _you_ the only one unaffected?' Eirikur slipped his pen back into his pocket. 'If you're in a parallel world, then you need to find a way to get back. If the world changed, you need to correct it. But if you correct it... what's going to happen to the Mathias and me that are here now?'

Most likely you'll go back to being SOS Brigade members and not remember being at World Academy at all, but I'm only guessing. And then _I_ get Mathias back.

'Either way,' Eirikur continued, 'the best course of action is for you to find the one responsible.'

'Who could it be but Mathias and his stupid thoughts?'

'...Eh?'

_That's_ more the Mathias I know. Can't understand when he's being insulted.

'...Invaders from a parallel universe?' Eirikur suggested.

'That's a _stupid_ idea.'

'...Well, it's a good thing I wasn't being serious then.' _What?_ It really _was_ a stupid idea, don't take offence like that. 'So you need to find these 'keys' Berwald Oxenstierna mentioned, don't you?'

I sighed. I may have found Mathias and Eirikur, but I'm still no closer to the keys.

'Hej, I want to see this clubroom!' Mathias' idiotic grin was back in full force. 'I want to meet Berwald and Tino too! If this really _was_ my fault, maybe I'll remember something! Right, John?'

'Ja- wait, you're calling me John?'

'Yeah, calling you by a country's name sounds _weird!_ Who called you that anyway?'

Pretty much everyone. Some relative started it and my brother spread it around. Besides, isn't calling me by a name I randomly picked off a sci-fi show weird as well?

'Anyway, let's go! Right now!'

'Where?'

'North High, where else? I'll call a taxi!' Mathias leapt out of his seat and ran to the door, barely waiting for the automatic doors to open.

Sigh... but a happy sigh. Typical Mathias, how I have _missed_ you.

'...You do realise I'm only paying for Mathias' and my drinks?' Eirikur finished the last of his coffee and stood up to gather his stuff.

'Hei, Eirikur? Are you and Mathias... _close?_'

'...Já, we are. A few weeks now.'

'I... see.' As I suspected. I wonder... what about the Eirikur in _my_ world?

'Actually, he only started talking to me at all because I was a transfer student.'

'...That's so like him.'

Eirikur and I paid for the coffee and left the café. I carried on thinking... if this really _was_ Mathias' fault, why would he keep _Eirikur_ close and push the rest of us away? That doesn't seem right at _all_, especially after last week in the rain.

'So,' Eirikur asked, 'in your world, Mathias took an interest in _you_ rather than any characteristic, am I correct?'

'I think so. I mean, maybe the floating curl, but he's never actually _mentioned_ that. He just dragged me into weird stuff without paying too much attention at all.'

'I see. That's a sincere interest for Mathias, if the one you know and the one I know are the same person.'

A train came rattling past. Rather noisily.

'...I envy you.' Hm? That's an interesting reversal. _You_ get the Mathias we all know and love, and none of the crazy problems that come with him.

'Heeej!' Mathias called from down the road. A taxi had pulled up beside him. 'What are you two doing? Hurry up!'

Eirikur and I glanced at each other, and it was pretty clear we were both thinking the same thing.

_Typical Mathias._

* * *

The taxi took a while to get to North High from the café. Did I _really_ manage to run all that way? Huh. Viking determination... or something like that-

oh, _faen!_ Berwald'll be waiting for me in the clubroom... it's way past the end of school now. Berwald, I'm _sorry_... can you wait just a _little_ longer?

Since Eirikur seemed to be the one with the money, he was sat in the front of the taxi, leaving me in the back with Mathias. It was... _awkward_, to say the least. Mathias wore that stupid grin on his face for the whole journey.

Well, we got there... but then there was a different problem.

'Look, I don't really care if you parade into my school, but you're going to stand out in those uniforms.'

'Huh...' Mathias put his hand to his face in a mock thinking pose, as if stroking an imaginary beard.

...I wonder what Mathias would look like with a beard? Ridiculous, probably...

'I got it! Here's the plan...' We leant in closer, and Mathias explained his idea.

..._what_. This Mathias hasn't known me for more than two hours and he's _already_ ordering me around? I'd say that was a record, but it _really_ isn't.

Mathias' plan requires me to go into school and collect my running kit. So... off I went. The classroom was empty when I got there, but my desk had been cleared. I'd guess it was Ivan who did that. I picked up what I needed to and headed straight back out to meet Mathias and Eirikur.

'Hej, John! Over here!' Those two were waiting outside the school premises, in a little alley down the side of the school. I suppose at least nobody ever comes down here. I dropped the clothes in a pile in front of them, and Mathias immediately picked up the warmest-looking article of clothing. Selfish _git_.

'Where can we change?' Eirikur asked, holding the remaining outfit like it had been infected with the plague. I assure you I'm flea-free.

'Right here,' Mathias stated as though it were the most obvious thing ever, just as he started.

...I _really_ should be used to this by now.

'Sure that's going to fit? Might be a bit small...' I mean, Mathias is only a bit taller than me, and a fair bit of that extra tallness is his crazy hair, but I'm more on the slim side of things.

'Feels fine to me!'

'..._Good_.' How... _reassuring_. Of course, Mathias coming out of an alley wearing my clothes has all _sorts_ of implications, but I'm going to ignore that.

'Cover for us, ok?'

'Sure, whatever.' I made my way to the end of the alley to keep watch for any strangers we might scar for life. I don't know why anyone would be scarred by that particular sight, but still... not-chief's orders.

Eirikur just shrugged and walked off to find somewhere a bit more private.

* * *

'...Ta-daaah!' Mathias shouted. That seemed to be my signal that it was perfectly fine to come back now. And sure enough, there he was, wearing my running kit.

'Wonderful. And you're _sure_ this is a good idea?'

'Of course it is! _I_ thought of it!' I _refuse_ to comment on this madness. 'Hej, Eirikur, are you done yet?'

As if on cue, along came a rather cold-looking Eirikur. Since Mathias had taken the warmer stuff, Eirikur had been left with the rather _undignified_ T-shirt and shorts option.

'...Aren't you cold?' I asked, but Eirikur just shrugged.

'I used to live near the Arctic Circle. This is nothing.'

...Fair enough.

'Good! Because we need this jacket to hide our bags!' Sure enough, Mathias had wrapped his and Eirikur's bags in my running jacket. 'Now it looks like we just came back from training, nej?'

'As long as you don't make us do any actual mock-running...' I knew that was a stupid thing to say as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but I couldn't take them back now.

_More_ running. At least _now_ I've had coffee to keep me going.

It's impossible to stop Mathias once he's going. Yep, looks like Hurricane Mathias is in full force today. I'm well aware of that, and I'd imagine this Eirikur is too.

All this effort just to get Mathias and Eirikur into my school... a few days ago you were students here.

With the cold taking root in the school, the corridors were pretty empty. That and it was after the end of school anyway. We made our way through school, passing a few people on the way, finally entering the building housing the clubroom.

'This place is so _old!_' Mathias complained. I'd tell him not to say stupid things like that, but I know it's true. I'm just used to it, and for all I know World Academy might be rigorously cleaned every morning.

'You said Berwald Oxenstierna would be waiting in the clubroom, right?' Eirikur asked.

'Yeah-'

'Wait!' Mathias stopped, almost causing Eirikur to walk into him. 'Tino, where would Tino be? We need the full set!'

'Uh...' I thought back to spring. Where did Mathias grab Tino from then? 'Tino would be... Cookery Club, that's it.'

'Great, let's go! Berwald can wait a _bit_ longer!'

It looked like Mathias was pretty determined... so there's no point arguing. 'Ok. Cookery Club it is then!'

I led Mathias and Eirikur down to where Cookery Club was held. Mathias wasted no time, just burst through the door and demanded to see Tino Väinämöinen. I told him not to cause a mess or be too noisy, but he wouldn't be Mathias if he listened, would he? That's _immensely_ reassuring, in a weird way.

'Hej, it's _that_ one, right? The cute one?' Mathias whispered to me. Eirikur and I were hidden either side of the door. _Especially_ me. If Tino saw me before Mathias grabbed him, there's no way he'd go anywhere near us.

'Ja, that's him.'

Mathias straightened up and marched into the room. 'Afternoon! I'm Mathias Køhler from the Student Council, and I need to ask you some questions! Come with me!'

His ability to make utter bullcrap up on the spot never ceases to amaze me. _Especially_ considering what he's wearing at this point in time.

* * *

With Mathias, Eirikur and now Tino in tow, I _finally_ made my way up to the clubroom. I felt really bad for making Berwald wait so long... but I'm coming now. As fast as I could manage, I opened the door and entered.

Berwald was sat at the computer, but looked up as soon as I burst into the room, surprise in his eyes.

'Berwald! Sorry, I-' I began apologising, but was rudely cut off by Mathias dragging Tino into the room.

'Hej!' Mathias shouted. 'We're intruding!'

...Thanks, captain obvious.

Eirikur followed not too far behind. 'Sorry.'

Having pulled Tino over to where Berwald had been sat until we all came in, Mathias moved back over to the door... and _locked_ it.

Ah, _memories_.

'Hej, everyone!' he grinned.

'...Where is this and who are you all?' Tino asked. There was a _whole_ lot more confidence in his voice than I remember from the first time.

'Be quiet,' Mathias ordered. 'So! You're Berwald Oxenstierna, are you?'

Berwald nodded, almost looking... _scared_. I don't really blame him. He was expecting just me, if _that_, and all of a sudden a noise machine invaded.

'Awesome! I'm Mathias Køhler! Him over there, that's Eirikur Steilsson, and this here is Tino Väinämöinen!'

Berwald just stared. If what Ivan said yesterday is true and my logic hasn't abandoned me, Berwald _might_ just already know Tino.

'You've already met John Smith, then?'

'...John Smith?' Berwald gave me a questioning look.

'Just leave it at that, ok..?'

'So _this_ is the SOS Brigade clubroom?' Mathias had taken to inspecting the shelves. What was he looking for?

'Not really. At the moment it's the Literary Club's room.'

'Oh, who cares about that?'

Berwald does, probably. Speaking of Berwald, it seems Tino was a little afraid of Berwald's staring.

'Tino..?' I started. 'That's Berwald. I know it may not look like it, but... He's a nice enough person, ok?'

Tino looked away. '...I know.'

'Huh?' Was that a hint of red in Tino's cheeks or is it just the light?

'Hej, this is a nice room and everything, but it could use some stuff in here!' Mathias had finished with the bookshelves and moved over to the window. 'And it'd be a pain commuting up here every day. I know, what about that café in front of the station? That's a pretty equal distance between both our schools!'

That'd be our usual café. They say great minds think alike, but when the mind in question is Mathias... let's just say they're more or less the same person and leave it at that.

'You're going to create the SOS Brigade in this world?'

Mathias walked over towards me. 'The name doesn't matter, our first goal is to get _you_,' he poked me in the shoulder, 'back to your world!'

'Wait-' I was about to object, when a loud _beep_ cut me off. It came from... the computer? Berwald was the one stood in front of it, so did he..?

'...wasn't me.' Evidently _not_. So who was it? Computer, computer- _wait!_

I ran round to look at the computer screen. 'Let me_ see!_'

'Hej, what is it?' Mathias asked, but my gaze was fixed on the screen. A little flashing white line in the top corner was the only thing on the screen.

Then it moved, creating words.

BERWALD. O-

I _knew_ it! This was the same method of communication Berwald used when I was stuck in closed space!

I could have _cried_ then. But this time, out of sheer delight. I had _contact_ with the alien Berwald!

'...John? Are you ok?' Mathias asked.

'Never been better.'

The little flashing white line moved again, continuing the text on the screen.

BERWALD. O- If you are reading this, I am probably not myself.

I glanced over at Berwald. His face definitely had a red tinge to it. Nei, Berwald, you are _certainly_ not yourself.

BERWALD. O- When this message appears, it means that you, me, Tino Väinämöinen, Mathias Køhler and Eirikur Steilsson are gathered in this room.

Yep, we're all here. I find it oddly appropriate that Berwald should put Tino's name before Mathias', though.

BERWALD. O- That is the key. You have found the answer.

Well, I can't say _I_ did much... _Mathias_ was the one that insisted we grab Tino. Still, 'collect the keys'... and the members of the SOS Brigade were the keys. _Why_ didn't I think of that?

Aside from the fact that I didn't know if Mathias even _existed_.

BERWALD. O- This is the emergency escape program.

_...Huh?_

BERWALD. O- To activate the program, press Enter. Otherwise, press any other key.

I instinctively moved my arms away from the keyboard. I'd hate to accidentally press something and lose my only chance of getting back.

BERWALD. O- If the program is activated, you will be given a chance to repair the space-time continuum. However, there is no guarantee of success.

How... _reassuring_.

BERWALD. O- There is also no guarantee of your safe return.

Oh, Berwald... why do you have to be so _honest?_ It's not exactly what I _want_ to hear right now...

BERWALD. O- This program can be started only once. Once executed, it will be deleted. If it is not activated, it will also be deleted.

READY?

...That looked like it was the end of the message.

'John... what does it mean?' I'd pretty much accepted Mathias calling me that by now. I mean, _sure_ I stole the name from a TV show, but... actually, nei, I prefer him calling me Nor. If only because he's the only one that ever does.

I gave no response to Mathias, just looked over at Berwald. 'You don't remember any of that, do you?'

Berwald shook his head. I didn't think so, somehow... but this was a message from _my_ Berwald. I don't know what this program is, but it must have been set up by Berwald. I don't know anyone else who could have done it. And if I start doubting now, I _must_ have gone insane.

'John, seriously, what's going on? You haven't told me _anything!_ What _is_-'

'Mathias, _shut up!_' I yelled. Surprisingly, he did. '...Sorry. I'm trying to think.'

My eyes darted around the room. I looked over at Eirikur.

'...What?' Eirikur asked, sounding a bit annoyed.

'Nothing.' I looked over at Tino, still seeming a bit uncomfortable with Berwald around, and finally I looked at Berwald. I could see my reflection in his glasses, and I could see confusion in Berwald's eyes behind the glasses.

I turned back to the computer and sighed. I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the Club Registration Form. The bookmark slid out of my pocket as well, falling to the floor. I stooped to pick it up, then stood back up and handed the form back to Berwald.

'...I'm sorry, but you can have this back.'

I don't think I've ever seen someone's face fall so quickly, least of all Berwald's. He turned his head away pretty quickly to try and hide it, but I could still see. Berwald said nothing, just reached out and took the form.

'Berwald? It's not you, don't worry. I belong here anyway.' Berwald lifted his head in surprise. 'That's why there's no point in me signing up like that. Because first and foremost, I'm a member of the SOS Brigade.'

I took one last look around the room.

'If I don't come back... Eirikur, Mathias, I'm happy for you. Tino, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. And Berwald?' I glanced over at Tino, then back to Berwald. 'Good luck.'

I gave Berwald a small smile, causing him to do the same. That smile is something I'll remember for a long time.

Now, back to the computer. The little flashing white line had gone.

READY? Of _course_ I am.

I moved my hand over the keyboard and pushed the Enter key.

Straight away, the world went fuzzy. Everything seemed to spin around me, until-

it all went black.

* * *

A/N: I think this one might be the longest chapter yet. Yay! And yes, Norge got the name from Doctor Who. Totally. [Well, the Doctor's a time-travelling psychic alien... so why not? xD]

Finally, Norge actually gets somewhere! Regarding Eirikur's Arctic Circle comment... I've been to Akureyri, and it wasn't actually that cold compared to some parts of Iceland. [And with this chapter ends any reference to DenIce. I dunno whether that's a good thing or not... Still, it makes Norge feel better, nei?]

Next chapter, Norge meets a familiar face.

Until next time, ha det~


	65. Disappearance VIII

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler VIII - Timey-Wimey Ball

* * *

Voices. Voices everywhere. I could only see a little red arrow, moving up, and up, and _up_...

'I won't forgive you...' That was what Ivan told me only yesterday...

'I envy you...' And _that_ was Eirikur earlier. The voices _all_ sounded like things people had told me the last few days.

The voices stopped, and I snapped awake. I was... still standing? Yeah, still in front of Berwald's computer, although it seems to be in the night.

This still looks like the Literary Clubroom rather than the SOS Brigade's room. There's not even a coffee machine in here. Did it..._ fail?_

And why the _hell_ is it so hot in here all of a sudden? It was the middle of December a few moments ago, now it feels like the middle of summer-

wait. Middle of _summer_. When _is_ this?

My phone just gave the date and time as it was when I pushed the enter key, so_ that's_ no good. Looks like I've got to go elsewhere to find the date.

* * *

I made my way out of school as quickly as I could. It was clearly _after_ school had finished, so I had to climb over the fence to get out, but no harm done, nei?

There weren't any shoes in my locker, and it's clearly summer now, so it looks like I've been thrown into another world again. I'm _good_ at this, aren't I? Maybe I qualify as the SOS Brigade's slider now. Although that would imply I did it on purpose, which I most _definitely_ didn't.

The first thing that came to mind? Well, newspapers always list the date they're released for, don't they? I walked to the supermarket where I'd bought the tinsel the other day. They _always_ have newspapers on a stand at the front of the shop.

The automatic doors slid open. I grabbed the first newspaper I could get to and scanned it for the date. _There_, in the corner...

_June_. It's June 23rd, three years ago.

That _same_ Midsummer I visited with Tino!

Oh, Berwald... it's like _that_, is it? I looked up at the clock in the store, which currently read just before 11. I'm assuming 11pm, since there isn't blazing sunlight outside. Which means, right now, I'm _probably_ asleep on Tino's lap.

Ja, that's right! I wake up in a short while, then Tino falls asleep on me and Future-Tino shows up. Then I meet Mathias and draw on his school grounds. Then he unintentionally molests me. I guess I can forgive him for that, since it's not exactly what you _expect_ a stray hair to do, but still...

Anyway, after Tino loses his time-travelling device we go to Berwald for help. Berwald calls Tino his wife, then he puts Tino and me to sleep for three years.

I ran as fast as I could to the bench at the station where I would currently be sleeping. After all, Future-Tino would be there, and once Berwald's put the other me and Tino to sleep we can go visit him. Ja, Berwald _must_ have brought me here for a reason... and that reason is that _two_ people that can help me are here in this time plane.

I stopped by a petrol station to try and catch my breath. There was Berwald's apartment, right there. I could go and see him now, but I'm pretty sure that the other me was the first me he met... Better keep going or I'll miss meeting Future-Tino.

I continued running. I seem to be doing that a _lot_ at the moment, don't I? And-

oh, _crap_, there they are, mustn't let them see me. I hid behind a bush and watched through the leaves.

* * *

Sure enough, there I was, taking a nap on Tino's legs. I seem to remember finding that rather _comfy_. Actually, I wouldn't mind a nap right now... but we can't swap places, I don't remember seeing myself. That'd just mess up the timeline. Which is _probably_ a bad idea. It's messed up enough already.

The event played out exactly as I remembered it, which is rather reassuring. And there's Tino falling asleep on my shoulder. Any moment now...

ah, _there_ he is. Future-Tino, with gun but sans beret. Well, beret's a French word, so why not another French word to go with it?

Pretty soon after this I go and see Little-Mathias, right? Well, sorry, Mathias, but I... that is, _this_ me hiding behind a bush... don't have any reason to see you right now.

Future-Tino left after giving me my orders, I think. In any case, I should go see him now I've got the chance. I found him walking down a nearby street.

'Tino!' I called. He turned and just looked at me. 'Uh... I...'

'Evening, Norge. I gather it's been a while?' Future-Tino smiled, and walked over to talk to me properly. He _knew_ I was coming? 'Good to see you. I thought I'd made a mistake somewhere.'

'Were you... _expecting_ me?' I asked. Nobody ever mentioned this _particular_ event before, so how...

'Of course I was. It's a fixed point in time.'

Oh, I _totally_ thought it would be something like that. Of _course_.

'Can I just ask... The little you brought me from Mathias' Midsummer bonfire to this Midsummer now, right? Was that on _your_ orders?' I can ask these things to Future-Tino since he's not as limited in what he can say as my Tino.

'Joo. Otherwise _this_ you wouldn't be here now.'

...I'm just going to pretend I understand all this crazy time-travel stuff, smile and nod, ok?

* * *

Future-Tino and I moved to that same bench our past selves were sitting on only moments ago.

'When I talked to the alternate Mathias,' I started, 'he mentioned meeting John Smith for a second time. Do you think that was...'

'You, indeed. This you that's here right now.' Future-Tino smiled. 'I've got to get you going in the right direction, but after _that_ you're on your own.'

Somehow that smile seems a lot less sincere after him saying that.

I wiped sweat from my forehead. This sudden change in climate _really_ isn't good for me. Was it really _this_ hot that time?

_Sigh_...

'So, what happened to the flow of time?' I asked. If anyone can give me an answer, it's someone from the future. 'It went all squiggly and confusing.'

'Oh, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, this and that. I can't give you the details.'

'...Classified?'

'Ei, not that.' _Hm?_ 'More like it's too complicated for you to understand. Nothing against you, but you didn't understand the first explanation I gave you about time travel, so with something as confusing as this there's no chance.'

I sighed. Loudly. It's a _little_ irritating when someone assumes I'm not going to understand something, true though it may be.

'You'll understand eventually.'

'I think Berwald said something like that once,' I mused. 'Something about computers in the future being completely different to our computers now.'

'That's about right. Our computers are more like a sort of... mind network, if you will. Same with the TPDD.'

'...TPDD? That's the time machine, isn't it?' That was what Tino lost, but how could he lose it if it's within the mind?

'Time Plane Destruction Device.' Hm? Wouldn't that be classified? Eh, I suppose it's only what it stands for.

Future-Tino seemed to read my mind. 'The rules are relaxed for me. I _did_ work hard to get here, after all.'

Hmph. _Showoff_. That still doesn't explain why you have a _rifle_ strapped to your back.

'If you worked so hard, why can't you just _tell_ me what's going on? My future's been changed, most likely some time between December 13th and 14th, but why?'

Future-Tino looked away. 'I... think it would be best to speak to Berwald about that one. But you're correct about one thing. The change happened in the early hours of December 14th.'

So Eirikur's second theory was the right one. I didn't enter any parallel world. The whole world changed around me.

'It's like this.' Future-Tino pulled out a small notepad and a pencil. They still have _pencils_ in the future, do they? Can't beat a good pencil. Future-Tino drew a straight line on the paper. 'This is the normal flow of time.'

'Mm...'

'But here,' he drew a short line across the first line, then a squiggle over the top of the long line, 'on December 14th, the world changes to _this_. It was a massive time-quake we detected far into the future. We'll need Berwald's help to get the world back to normal. And yours too, Norge.'

'Then... who did it? I'm starting to doubt it was Mathias, but who else _could_ have done it?' ...It can't have been Mathias, can it? Mathias wouldn't have paired himself off with Eirikur if he could help it... You still haven't answered my question, Future-Tino.

'It wasn't Mathias. It...' Future-Tino again avoided eye contact. 'It was someone we both know well.'

'So it _definitely_ wasn't Mathias?'

'Correct. In any case, we have plenty of time before Berwald becomes available again, so... shall we talk for a while?' Future-Tino smiled at me, and if I ignored that scar over his eye, I could almost mistake him for my Tino.

'Uh... sure, although I think you'll be doing most of the talking.'

Future-Tino laughed. 'Oh, _Norge_... Same as ever. I look back fondly on my time in the SOS Brigade, you know. And there were a _lot_ of different outfits. Actually, after we finished the movie, Mathias went a _heck_ of a lot easier on me. I only kept wearing the dress because I was used to it... and Berwald asked me to.'

Future-Tino giggled. Looks like I was right. It _was_ Berwald's request.

'Then... you...'

'Oh, it was forbidden for _both_ of us, but that doesn't mean we listened.' Future-Tino's voice took on a rather mischievous tone at that sentence. I didn't think he'd be the sort...

'I... _see_.'

He sighed. 'Someday you'll look back on these days fondly too. It really does go much too quickly... like a dream.'

'Some dreams are just _weird_.'

'Well, this is a particularly nice one, although I suppose it _is_ rather weird.' Future-Tino laughed again. 'Anyway, it's time. Let's go.'

His words were like an order, and not one I could refuse even if I wanted to. But I most definitely did want to go to see Berwald. After all, if what Future-Tino said is correct, Berwald is the only one that can get me out of this mess.

...why's he going _that_ way?

'Uh, Berwald's apartment is _this_ way.'

'We're not going there _yet_, idiot.' Hei! I'm not an idiot, _you_ failed to specify! Oh well, looks like Future-Tino's back in commander-mode. 'You've got an impressionable young fourteen-year-old to go talk to.'

Oh, of course! I need to go yell at Little-Mathias!

* * *

And _there_ he was. Walking down the street like he _owned_ it. The King of Northern Europe... self-proclaimed.

Little Mathias Køhler.

'Hei!' I shouted after him, making sure to hide myself so he didn't see me clearly. He turned and looked all around, but I don't think he saw me. What _was_ it I was supposed to say..? 'Take care of the John Smith that will shape the future!'

Little-Mathias span around, trying to see whoever was shouting at him. Having seen nothing, he just walked off.

Mathias... Make sure you remember. Remember John Smith. Don't you _dare_ forget me.

If you forget, it's all over.

* * *

A/N: Ack, I'm late, aren't I? Well, I'm back in school now, so updates will be slower... that and I managed to slice my finger open yesterday, hence no update yesterday. It's ok now, though. Must order sister to put sharp knives away properly and not somewhere I can cut myself whilst trying to put away spoons. Because that just sounds lame.

...I must not ramble. I must not ramble. Sooo... well, there's your update, there's no need to die! Yay!

Next chapter, Berwald shows his rather-terrifying face. [tries to fit in some SuFin, because I've been neglecting that recently in favour of DenNor...]

Until next time, au revoir~


	66. Disappearance IX

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler IX - Quietly Connected

* * *

Now that I'd finished dealing with a fourteen-year-old Mathias, I could _finally_ head over to Berwald's place. Future-Tino and I walked there at a far more leisurely pace than the speed I'd been going at for the last few days. Seriously, it's just been run, run, panic, bit more running. _Especially_ panic.

We stopped just outside the door.

'Uh, Norge?' Future-Tino asked. 'You can do the explaining, ok? I never went through this, and you've been right at the centre, so...'

'Mmmm...' _Bleh_. Talking. Still, it's only Berwald, and he _does_ know us now, so it should be fine. 'Ok.'

I keyed in Berwald's apartment number.

_Beeeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeep. Click._

'Berwald? It's me.'

No response. I don't know whether to be annoyed or reassured that this is definitely Berwald.

'It's a bit hard to explain, but I've come from the future again. The older Tino is here too,' I continued.

Still no response.

'We kinda need your help. You were the one that sent us here.' I leant in closer to the intercom and lowered my voice. 'There's a version of Tino and me already there, right? Sleeping in frozen time-'

The doors slid open. I knew that would get him. Future-Tino and I headed inside and into the lift.

And so, once again, I found myself on the way to Berwald's apartment. This may be my only chance to set the world right again, and I'm _sure_ Berwald would be willing to help. Besides, Future-Tino's here. It'll be fine.

After all, if Berwald can't do anything, we're in _deep_ trouble.

I watched the little red arrow scroll up, and up... Neither of us said anything in the lift. It felt like we were heading to plea with an executioner to stop him killing us, such was the apprehension in the air. Except _hopefully_ this would be a whole lot less violent.

I _really_ hope Berwald never tries to execute us... and I should probably stop with the weird analogies. They never make sense.

* * *

We soon reached Berwald's apartment. I knocked on the door twice and stood back. Whose _clever_ idea was it to have front doors that open outwards in an apartment like this? What if you end up opening the door into someone's face? That could _seriously_ hurt someone.

The door swung open, and Future-Tino and I were greeted by the looming figure of Berwald Oxenstierna.

'Hei. Can we come in?' I asked. Berwald gave no verbal response, but turned around and walked back in as if to welcome us.

'That's a yes, then.' Congratulations, Future-Tino. You can successfully recognise approval. Have a medal.

Having left our shoes at the entrance, we made our way into the main room of the apartment. Back to the minimalistic design, of course. Humanoid Interfaces don't need curtains or TV in their apartments, do they?

Seeing Berwald standing in the middle of the room, motionless, the light glinting off the rim of his glasses, made me absolutely certain that this was the alien Berwald. No red dusting his cheeks, not a trace of visible emotion. This was definitely the Humanoid Interface.

'We don't need to introduce ourselves, do we?'

Berwald shook his head, and looked over at Future-Tino.

'...m'wife?'

Future-Tino nodded, a huge smile on his face. 'Your wife.'

...I'd love to know exactly how the whole 'wife' thing came about, but asking would be too awkward and I probably wouldn't get an answer.

'I suppose we couldn't look inside _there_, could we?' I gestured in the direction of the room where there would be another me and a younger Tino asleep.

'...can't be open'd. Structure'f th'room's been froz'n in time.'

...Of course. Figures. Future-Tino seemed to relax a little at that. What's so wrong with wanting to find out how _stupid_ I look while I'm asleep? Come to think of it, I never _did_ see those photos from the island...

* * *

After Berwald had served us all coffee, I explained the situation to him. He barely moved at all during my explanation, which was... kinda what I expected, really.

'...so that's pretty much it. The you there gave me this.' I fished around in my coat pocket and pulled out the bookmark, which I gave to Berwald. He took it and stared at it.

'Uh...' Future-Tino started, 'We want to repair the space-time continuum, and I _know_ you're the only one who can fix this. Please, Berwald.'

Ja. That's what _I_ want, too. Fix this whole mess.

'...confirming...' Berwald muttered, lifting his head slightly and closing his eyes. Confirming _what?_ He opened his eyes and looked me straight in the eye. '...unable t'synchronise.'

Unable to... _what?_ I thought he could connect with future versions of himself, but now he... can't? That doesn't bode well at all.

'...future version'f myself rejects r'quests t'synchronise. Barrier.'

Does that mean we're stuffed? If he can't synchronise, then-

'H'wever, I understand th'situation. Restoration's possible.'

Oh, thank _goodness!_ There's hope, at least.

'Th'anomaly was created by harnessing Mathias Køhler's ability t'manipulate data, 'n partially altering th'world. 's why that Mathias Køhler has no abilities at all. No Data Integration Thought Entity either. Mem'ries were altered within a one-year timespan.'

_That_ would explain how Mathias remembered the John Smith incident, even though in that world I never went back. And how Feliks remembered Mathias.

'Then... the you right here is the original you?' I asked.

'...mm.' Berwald nodded slightly. 'Y'need t'travel forwards t'December 14th, 'n activate th'restoration program once th'world's been changed.'

'Are you coming?' I asked. Berwald is the one who has the power to do something, surely he must-

'Nej. I can't.'

'Why not?'

Berwald glanced over at the door to the room where the other us were sleeping. 'Can't leave them alone.'

Is that the reason? Is keeping us in frozen time taking all that effort? Oh, _Berwald_...

'Then what can we do?'

Berwald removed his glasses. I think the only other time I'd seen him without glasses was when they were knocked off by Ivan Braginsky and the metal spikes of death. Or not-death. He held them in front of him, then the glasses began to glow a bright blue colour. They quickly lost their shape and dissolved into an amorphous blob.

When they stopped glowing, what had been the glasses was now some sort of... giant syringe. _Ugh_.

'...'nject th'restoration formula int'the one r'sponsible.' So what, find the culprit and _stab_ them with a syringe? That's not dodgy at _all_, no _sir_.

Future-Tino and I sighed in almost perfect sync.

'Isn't there a _better_ way of doing it?' I asked. 'I'm not _exactly_ an expert at stabbing people with a syringe. What if I hit the wrong place?'

Berwald looked at the syringe, then back to me.

'...mm.' One more glowy-blobby-thing change later, and Berwald was holding up a gun-like device instead of the syringe. So I _shoot_ them instead? Sure, that's _much_ better. Just _another_ dangerous tool. '...'t'll probably penetrate clothing, but 't's better if y'target th'skin directly.'

'...ok.' I took the gun from Berwald. It was a shiny metallic object, looking like it'd come straight from a seventies sci-fi movie. Still, if it works, it works. 'It doesn't shoot _bullets_, does it..?'

I've had more than enough trouble with things shooting things they're not supposed to already. See the movie.

'...nej. 't's a needle gun. Program's in th'needle tip.'

'Right. Got it.' The gun fit perfectly in my hand. It was nowhere near as impressive as the rifle strapped to Future-Tino's back, but if anything that made me feel better.

I stood up with the gun, getting into position as if I were ready to shoot. Preparation is essential for something as important as this.

'Then tell me, Berwald.' This was something I'd been wanting to ask for a long time now. 'Who did this? Who do I need to shoot?'

Future-Tino turned his head away, as if he couldn't bear to look.

'Who _caused_ this mess? If it wasn't Mathias, who _was_ it?' _Dammit_, Berwald, answer me!

...Berwald answered.

* * *

_No. Fucking. Way._

_That's_ who I've got to shoot? Is he_ serious?_ I... I can't... that's just... _what?_

I didn't say anything. I_ couldn't_. I was too shocked to say anything. The culprit was... well, Future-Tino _did_ say it was someone we knew well, but I didn't think...

Berwald looked over at Future-Tino. '...'ll provide co-ordinates of th'target.'

'Joo.' Future-Tino reached his hand across the table, and Berwald pressed his finger into Future-Tino's palm.

...That's_ it?_

'Understood. Kiitos. We just go and shoot them, right?'

Berwald nodded slightly. It's a good thing I'm used to reading alien Berwald's minute movements, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed. 'Right now, you'll also be 'ffected by th'change. Need to provide counteractive measures.'

Berwald stood up and walked over to me.

'...hand?'

I stretched out one arm, then realised that hand was still holding the gun and changed to the other arm. Berwald took my arm in his hands, then knelt down...

and _bit_ me in the arm.

Future-Tino turned his head away. That's right, Berwald gives out nanomachines or something. That's what stopped the Tino Beam, at least. Although... was there not a more _pleasant_ way to get these 'counteractive measures'?

After a few seconds, Berwald moved his head away from my wrist and stood up straight. 'Protective field 'pplied. Your turn.'

Future-Tino nodded and walked over to where Berwald was standing. 'It's been a while since you did this to me...'

'First time for me,' Berwald mumbled, before kneeling down to bite Future-Tino's arm.

I looked at my wrist where Berwald's teeth had been. They'd left two small round holes in my skin, as if I'd been bitten by a vampire, but they quickly healed over. Good old alien superpowers, eh?

'Kiitos.' Future-Tino's voice told me the biting was over. 'But before we go... can I..?'

Berwald seemed to understand Future-Tino's unfinished request, and he and Future-Tino put their arms around each other in a hug. I got the feeling this was something Future-Tino'd done a fair amount.

Future-Tino mumbled something into Berwald's chest, and I thought I saw something flicker across Berwald's face... that _couldn't_ have been anything, could it?

Berwald soon let go. Future-Tino stepped back and looked directly at me.

'Norge, let's go now.'

* * *

I picked up my coat and scarf. Since we were heading to December, I'd probably need them.

'Berwald... takk.'

'Doesn't matter.' Uh, it _does_. It matters _massively_.

'Are you... going to wait? In that clubroom?'

'...ja.' All by _yourself?_ Do you _really_ not get lonely at all? He held out a hand... a hand holding that bookmark, which I took.

_Berwald..._

'Norge?' I must have spaced out for a moment, because Future-Tino's voice brought me firmly back into that apartment. 'Come on.'

I walked over to where Future-Tino was stood, an almost-depressed look in the time traveller's eyes. Eyes can be expressive things... window to the soul and all that. Yet when I looked over at Berwald again, those particular windows were metaphorically blacked-out.

Future-Tino took hold of my shoulders. He was still a _little_ shorter than me, but not by much, so it didn't make much difference.

'Close your eyes. And don't get timesick.'

As the world swirled around us, I tried to prepare myself mentally for this. Now I know who I've got to shoot, but if anything that just makes it _worse_... It's either them or Mathias, though.

This was going to be tough.

* * *

A/N: Not telling you? I'm so cruel. Next chapter, I promise you'll find out. Okey? Good.

...I didn't get that much SuFin in after all that. I feel disappointed with myself, but there really wasn't much space to fit it in... Sorry! [Lots of people squeeing over the Doctor Who references last chapter ^^ It's an amazing show, isn't it? *happy face*]

Next chapter, we finally meet our mysterious culprit. Poor Norge.

Until next time, adjö~


	67. Disappearance X

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler X - A Rush Of Blood From The Head

* * *

Time travel _really_ messes with your head. I don't know how Tino manages to do it like he does, but then _I'm_ not used to it.

'...We're here. Norge, you can wake up now.' I opened my eyes again to find myself and Future-Tino stood in exactly the same position as when we left... coat and scarf over one arm, gun held in the other hand. I looked upwards to see Future-Tino with an incredibly serious expression on his face.

Yeah. This is _damned_ serious now.

'Well, this is where and when Berwald told us to go.'

_Huh_. This is the same place Mathias and Eirikur got changed... however long ago it was. That _had_ to be a coincidence, right?

Of course, coming to the middle of December from summer made the sudden _chill_ all the more noticeable. It looked like Future-Tino was suffering too. Perhaps that was a thin uniform? I quickly put my blazer and scarf back on, but gave my coat to Future-Tino to help him warm up.

'K-kiitos.'

'It's fine.' This is probably the point where I play my Eirikur-style 'I'm not cold because I've been to the Arctic' card, but that doesn't _really_ apply. The higher you fall from, the more damage you do, right? And the longer people have to spend cleaning pieces of you off the pavement.

'Huh? Oh, _perkele_.'

'What is it?'

'_Shoes_. We left our shoes back at Berwald's! Argh, I _liked_ those boots... Think Berwald will have kept them safe for us?'

Now he mentioned it, my toes were _really_ cold. _Why_ did he have to mention it..?

'He probably will have done, ja.' He wouldn't exactly throw them out, would he? Especially not his 'wife's' boots.

'Yeah.' Future-Tino looked at me, determination written all over his face with a fluorescent marker. 'It's time. Let's go.'

Indeed. I guess it's time to end this whole mess... The act itself wasn't something I was looking forward to doing, but I'm not letting this go until I get a taste of Mathias' salmon.

* * *

Future-Tino checked around the corner to see if there was anyone there, then motioned for me to follow him onto the road. Well, the pavement, anyway. Though there weren't many vehicles on the road, it wouldn't be the best plan.

'It's 4.18am on December 14th. The change hasn't happened yet. That'll be in five minutes.'

So Mathias and Eirikur are still North High students, are they..? Good. Those plaid trousers are _ridiculous_.

We found ourselves a spot behind a wall where we could get a good view of the event, but still not be seen.

If I were to go home, I'd find myself curled up with that stuffed bunny toy I've had for years, sleeping peacefully without a clue. Yet another opportunity to find out how stupid I look while asleep that I'll have to miss.

'Here he comes,' Future-Tino whispered to me, and I immediately turned my attention to the road.

There he was. A darkened figure, but _certainly_ one I recognised. The one behind the timeline changing. Just like Berwald said.

I can't rush in and shoot him now, though. I have to wait until after the change to set off this program.

The figure stopped under a street light, fully bathed in its glow. The light glinted off his glasses as the wind picked up around him. He raised an arm into the air, waving it around as if conducting a choir. Only less sharply.

Now the wind was _really_ howling.

'Impressive,' Future-Tino muttered to himself. 'Never thought I'd be so close to the epicentre of a timequake. He's powerful, certainly.'

The clouds parted, revealing an eerie purple glow shining onto the figure. I could hear a strange noise... was that what he was doing? It's... well, it _would_ be quite pretty, except this person is currently screwing the world over.

The light vanished all of a sudden, like the plug had been pulled. The wind calmed too, and the figure lowered his arm. He looked around, confused.

'It's done. Now our culprit has been reborn.' Future-Tino took his eyes off the road and turned to look at me. 'It's your move.'

One last look at this gun... I have to use this _now_. If I don't, this nightmare can't end happily. But still...

In any case, there's no way I can get him from out here. I stood up from where I'd been crouched down for the last few minutes, and began to make my way, barefoot on the cold tarmac, towards the figure.

He was cold. Clutching his jacket around himself, breath steaming in front of him...

'Hei.'

He looked up. Cyan eyes met blue. An expression of surprise came onto his face.

'It's me. We meet again... _Berwald_.'

* * *

Berwald Oxenstierna, altering the entire world. Who would have thought it?

'This was _your_ doing, was it?' I asked.

'...w-why're you here?' This was unmistakeably the human Berwald that I'd been meeting with for the last few days. The alien Berwald would _never_ look so shocked.

'Same to you. What are _you_ doing here?'

Berwald looked around nervously. '...taking a walk..?'

Nei, you're _not_. That's not it at all. Berwald... you're _tired_ of observing that Danish idiot. Who wouldn't be? You're tired of protecting us, tired of running around for no real reason, tired of doing other stuff the rest of the Brigade never get to see. So tired you wanted to change everything.

And worse, he knew it was coming. He _knew_ that's what he would do. He told me, after all.

'...Error data's 'ccumulating. Bug'll trigger 'nomalous b'haviour. 's unavoidable.' I remember Berwald's information clearly... after all, it was only a little while ago to me. 'On D'cember 14th 'n three years I'll inev'tably reconstruct th'world. Don't know th'cause of th'error.'

Well... _I_ know.

* * *

What triggered this 'anomalous behaviour' that Berwald can't fathom? What's this error?

One of the most basic things a human can understand... and the most tragic for Berwald. Even for an artificially-constructed Humanoid Interface, anomalies are bound to arise. It's only natural. And Berwald, you may not understand, but _I_ do. Perhaps Mathias does as well.

Those strange errors? Those, Berwald, are called _emotions_.

And since you were designed to be emotionless and distant, everything is magnified by eleventy-zillion. Didn't you want to just scream 'I don't care!' occasionally? Maybe you should have done. We should have let you.

I'm _sorry_, Berwald. I relied on you for _everything_. About to get killed by Ivan? _You_ stepped in. Going to lose at baseball? _You_ modified the bat. Camel cricket? That whole incident was of _your_ design. Tino starts shooting eye beams? _You_ injected nanomachines into his body to stop them. Computer Research Society start cheating at a videogame? _You_ hacked the entire game.

As long as _you_ were around, I could relax. That was _stupid_. I've been more of an idiot than _Mathias_, and that takes some effort.

And because of all that... Berwald was driven to change the world.

Bug? Error? My _arse_. This was what he _wanted_. To be a normal human being and enjoy the world.

That question that's been irritating me for the last few days has finally been answered. Why was _I_ the only one unaffected? Berwald wanted to give _me_ the choice. While the others in the Brigade may have power, I was the one 'chosen' by Mathias, so I get the final say.

So _that's_ the decision I'm faced with. Either I take Berwald's choice, an altered world with no paranormal stuff, no _chaos_ caused by Mathias, no big effort to keep everything from him... or I use the program and shoot him, reverting the world to the pandemonium I'm used to.

His world... or my world?

It's my choice. And I don't like this at all.

What did I think of Mathias and his bizarre incidents at first? 'To hell with this. Rubbish. Stop it. Are you that stupid? I've had enough of this!' I was just a normal guy dragged into all this crazy shit without being asked about it. If all else failed, complain and make sarcastic comments.

Then _that_ evening in the rain happened. I thought... I thought I'd be able to _enjoy_ everything so much more after that. Not to last, I guess.

* * *

Ok then, Norge, John Smith, whatever they're calling you now. And not your _name_, you barely have a name any more. I've got a question for you. It's an important one, so listen the hell up. Then answer. Got it? Here's the question:

'Wasn't such an extraordinary high school life fun?'

Think about it. Answer me.

Dragged around in circles by Mathias, attacked by aliens, not understanding any of their complicated explanations. Running into an _endless_ number of weird situations. And on top of all of that, keeping it all a secret from Mathias, even though- nei, _because_ it's all his fault. Don't you find that _fun?_

What, still no answer? Was it really all so _boring?_ You think that Mathias is incredibly annoying, a complete drunkard, and his bouts of melancholy are hard to deal with. _That's_ not interesting?

But you, _that_ you standing right there, pressed that Enter key and activated the emergency escape program. The one Berwald left behind to let you make that choice.

READY? You said you were with that one press of a button. Is that _really_ how it is?

Berwald created this entire world for _you_. A stable world, and you just _pushed_ it away. Why? Aren't you _complaining_ all the time, lamenting how unlucky you are to be involved with all this? Then you should have ignored that program.

Think about it, the world you might be about to destroy. Berwald was _happy_ in the Literary Club. Mathias and Eirikur were happy together. Tino might have been happy, though he didn't show it to you. Mathias was just a particularly bossy human. Tino was cute, yet dangerous. Eirikur was just a normal transfer student, with no responsibility towards the Agency. And Berwald was a quiet guy who liked to read.

Sure, Berwald may have been _really_ shy, but you know yourself that shy people just need coaxing out of their shell. Deep down, you _know_ he would have opened up eventually.

You threw all that away. You abandoned the chance for a quiet life, in favour of... _that?_ Why?

I'll ask again. One last time. Give me an answer.

Don't you find being with Mathias, and dragged into Mathias' trouble fun?

That's a really, _really_ stupid question. Do I find it fun?

_Of course I do!_ Of course it was fun! Don't ask me something so_ obvious!_

If anyone had been asked that question and answered something _other_ than the affirmative, then they'd be the real idiot. Twenty-six-thousand and seventy-three times more stupid than Mathias. To give up all that would be senseless. There's aliens, time travellers and espers there! Not one, not two, but _three_ unusual and interesting people. If I went and lived in that world, I'd be _wishing_ for an opportunity like this.

And then there's Mathias. Unconsciously, a god-like super being. Consciously, somehow both incredibly annoying and endearing at the same time. Sure, I was dragged around, but I _loved_ it. These past few days have shown me just how _boring_ life could have been if I'd never made a rare bold move and talked to Mathias all those months ago.

No matter how many times you ask, my answer will be the same.

_Of course it was fun._

* * *

I sighed. All that thought may have taken a number of minutes. Either way, I'd made my decision.

'That's just how it is.' Berwald gave me a confused look... to be expected since he wasn't inside my head. 'I prefer the old world. This one just doesn't suit me at all. Sorry, Berwald. I like the Berwald I've known until now more than you.'

'...what're you talking 'bout?'

That just proved it. The alien Berwald would _never_ say something like that.

'_Berwald_.' I said it with such force that Berwald stepped back a little, startled. 'Put it back. Put yourself back. If you want help, you could have just asked for it. You don't have to force a sudden change like this. Everything was _fine_ the way it was.'

'Norge!' I felt a hand on my shoulder. Future-Tino had materialised behind me. 'There's no point. This Berwald can't do anything. He's... powerless.'

He averted his gaze at that last statement. It's _painful_, isn't it?

Watching Berwald's eyes flicker from side to side just made me feel nervous. This couldn't continue. I pulled the ready pin out at the back of the gun and aimed it straight at Berwald's face. I didn't have Tino's incredible precision, but that didn't matter right now.

Berwald recoiled, afraid. I'm sorry... this _has_ to be done. I steadied my hand, ready to shoot-

'_Norge!_' A shriek from behind me broke my concentration. Future-Tino..? Why was he-

Something was _jabbed_ into my side, and the force of the blow pushed me and whoever my attacker was a few metres forward. All I could feel was pain from that stab, that _cold_, cold metal embedded in my side...

I twisted my head around to see the identity of my attacker.

_Ivan_. Ivan Braginsky had stabbed me in the side with a knife.

He giggled, a sickly smile on his face.

'I can't let you do _thaaaaat_.'

What the _hell_... What the _fuck_ is Ivan doing here with a knife? A knife... and a _pipe?_ He stabbed me _one-handed?_ The _fuck_ is going on? Ivan twisted the blade slightly, then ripped it out of my side, pushing me to the floor.

I screamed.

I clutched my side in a fruitless attempt to lessen the pain. It didn't work, of course, but I was _hardly_ thinking straight. I lifted one hand to look at it, and the whole of one side of my hand was covered in my blood.

_Shit_, it hurts!

'...I-Ivan?' There was real fear in Berwald's voice.

'Ufu... That's right, it's me! I'm here for you!' Ivan's voice, on the other hand, quickly transitioned from creepy to downright _demented_. 'Don't worry. I'll get rid of anything in our way. That's why I was created, da?'

I noticed Future-Tino had been pushed over as well, presumably because he was in Ivan's way. He managed to haul himself up, though, and quickly reached for the rifle on his back.

'_Perkele!_' he yelled, quite loudly. 'Those _bastards_ didn't give me any more bullets!'

Well, there goes any chance that I might actually _survive_.

'Ufu...' Ivan giggled, waving the knife around and splattering blood everywhere. Including Berwald's face. 'You're just another obstruction, da? Your silly weaponry... I'll wipe _you_ out as well. After all...' he walked over to talk straight at Berwald, 'that's what _you_ wished for... _da?_'

N-_nei_... That... that _can't_ be right... Berwald would _never_ wish for this, surely! Perhaps Berwald just recreated this insane Ivan along with the world because he was acting strangely... like Ivan was his shadow, or something...

Ivan knelt down over me, still smiling.

'Ufu... Now, how best to send you off? I could just... _stab_ you again?' He drove the blood-covered knife through my hands and back into the open wound. I screamed in pain. 'Or perhaps I could cave your skull in?'

Ivan raised his other hand above his head and brought the pipe smashing down onto the side of my head. This time I couldn't even scream.

F-_fuck_... I'm losing it... _I can't die like this_...

'Ufu... It _hurts_, da? _Good!_ Enjoy it, because it's the last thing you'll feel in this life!' My vision was blurry by this point, but I could still make out the figure of Ivan, ready to bludgeon me with a pipe. The long metal object got closer and closer to my head... this was the end, for sure-

Someone gripped the pipe and pulled it far above me. Where... where have I seen this scenario before..?

'...you...' Ivan's smile finally vanished as he recognised the person on the other end of the pipe. I couldn't see, though. I think there was something shiny on his face, but I couldn't really identify him... Whoever it was pulled Ivan away from over me, leaving me lying on the floor in a pool of my own blood.

I'm... so _cold_...

'Norgeee!'

'I'm sorry! I couldn't...'

Hei... That _hurts_, both you Tinos... wait, _both_ of them? That was _definitely_ a younger Tino, and that was definitely Future-Tino... how can they _both_ be here?

Eh... it doesn't matter. Maybe this is a flashback. I'm about to die, so my life is passing in front of my eyes, or some cliché like that...

It's _cold_... my blood won't stop...

I vaguely saw another figure kneel down to pick up the needle gun. As the figure approached me, both Tinos moved away. Who _was_ that..?

'Sorry, I can't really save you right now. Don't worry, it hurt for me too.'

...who is that..? He sounds familiar, but... I don't understand...

'We'll take it from here. You need to sleep.'

Good thing, because I'm slipping away... _Dammit_...

..._Mathias_...

* * *

A/N: I'm so cruel to Norge. He doesn't even have a name any more *angst*

So now we know. It was our poor Swedish alien who did it. [I'd forgotten how much _fun_ Ivan is to write xD]

Next chapter...

Until next time, avskjed~


	68. Disappearance XI

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler XI - Våkne

* * *

...

You know when you have a _really_ weird dream, and you can remember everything for a while, but eventually all you can remember is 'wow, that was a really weird dream'?

That's _nothing_ like what it felt like.

I opened my eyes to see a room I wasn't at all familiar with... a hospital of some kind? Ah, good. Feels like a bed, albeit a rather _uncomfortable_ one. The light streaming in through the window was blinding to my unadjusted eyes, so I turned my head away from the window to see... a bowl of liquorice. _Hm_. And a _very_ familiar puffin.

'Morning, sleepyhead.' Eirikur. Of course. 'Been out for a while, haven't you? Well, I _would_ say morning, but it's actually the evening.'

'Uhh...' I groaned. Moving required _effort_.

'Norge? It's good to see you awake.' Eirikur smiled a little. 'After all, I was running out of stuff to do.'

I've only really seen Eirikur smile once before, so it meant a _whole_ lot more to me to see it again.

'Hey, whatcha lookin' at?' the puffin yelled. 'Don'tcha recognise the guy?'

'Puffin... _what?_' Eirikur turned back to give the puffin one of _those_ looks, and it quickly shut up. '...He _does_ have a point though. Remember me?'

'I should be asking _you_ that. Do you know who _I_ am?' Although, come to think of it, Eirikur is in a North High uniform, not the uniform of World Academy. That's _usually_ a good sign.

'What an odd question. Of course I do.'

'Good good. Just checking. And when is this?'

Eirikur let out the tiniest of laughs. '_That's_ the first thing you ask when you wake up? Sounds like you know what happened.'

'...My version of events is probably _vastly_ different to yours.'

'Interesting. It's just past 4pm on December 17th.'

'December 17th, huh...' So no reliving the same date again for me, then. Hooray for preventing paradoxes. 'Then... _where_ are we?'

'A private hospital, you could say.' I moved my arm out from under the bed's covers. Whatever I'd been wearing before was gone, and replaced by some kind of blue shirt thing.

'Bit fancy for a private hospital room, isn't it?'

'A friend of my uncle is the director of this place, so we got you special treatment.'

'_Blatant lies_.' I found the energy from somewhere to sit myself up in bed. Huh. My side doesn't hurt from where Ivan stabbed me twice. How... _strange_.

'Hm. You got me.' Eirikur held his hands up in defeat. 'I got the Agency involved. You were out for three days, and they weren't exactly pleased with me for letting it happen on my watch.'

Yeah, I can imagine. Seeing as I'm so _important_ to Mathias.

'Why was I hospitalised?' I asked. Some things didn't quite add up... I mean, Eirikur wasn't in the World Academy uniform. Had the world sorted itself out while I was unconscious?

'Don't you remember?' Eirikur sighed. 'To be expected, I suppose. You _did_ take a heavy blow to the head.' Yeah, but from _my_ perspective it came from Ivan's pipe. 'It's strange, though. You suffered no external injuries, and your brain activity was just fine.'

'Then what happened?'

'You fell down the stairs.' I did _what?_ How... _glamourous_. 'Fairly big fall, too. We all went pale.'

'Eirikur, you're pretty pale to begin with.'

'I mean it. With the sound you made on impact, we thought you wouldn't be getting up at all.'

'So I fell down the stairs on the 14th...' Yeah, that makes sense. From _my_ view, that's when Mathias and Eirikur pissed off to World Academy.

'Indeed. We called an ambulance straight away, but you were already unconscious. That was the first time I'd seen Mathias so... _distraught_. Berwald was the one who called the ambulance, incidentally. He was the only one staying calm.'

'Huh. What about Tino? How did he react?'

'How do you _think?_ He panicked, just like the rest of us,' Eirikur replied through a mouthful of liquorice. Well, the rest of you that are actually _human_.

'What time did this happen?'

'Just after noon. We were about to go out shopping.'

'Shopping?' What for?

'Don't you remember _that_ either? Stuff for our Christmas party. If Tino is our Santa, he needs reindeer, and after drawing lots you agreed to take that role.' I did _what? Never_ let me make decisions when I'm not actually present in the real world, please! 'So we were going out to get supplies, you lagged behind and tripped.'

'Did I now? Sounds _stupid_.'

'Mathias said he felt like there was someone at the top of the stairs. Thought he saw a jacket... but we were the only ones in the building. Congratulations, you almost got _killed_ by a phantom.'

'Hmm.' Why do I get the feeling Berwald was behind this?

'We were waiting for you to wake up to ask if you were actually pushed or not.' Eirikur looked oddly concerned. Is it healthy for him to be showing emotion like this?

'Sorry, you're out of luck. Don't remember a thing.'

'Hm. Shame.'

Pushed by a phantom, eh? Sounds consistent, I suppose. Although... still feels like there's something missing... nei, some_one_ missing.

'Is it just you and the puffin in here?' I asked.

'You've been looking around. Are you _looking_ for someone?'

Someone? Yeah... but _you_ don't need to know that. You'd just mock me mercilessly anyway. Just like usual.

'I see. Well, we've been taking turns watching over you to make sure someone would be there when you woke up. Your family's gone to get you a change of clothes.' Eirikur looked... almost _depressed_ for a moment there.

'What's that look supposed to mean?'

'Just a little jealous. Think nothing of it.' Jealous, huh? You've been saying that an _awful_ lot recently...

'That's not something you _usually_ say to someone sitting in a hospital bed having been unconscious for three days.'

'True. Anyway, the Brigade members have been watching you, but the leader took it upon himself to watch over all the members.' Eirikur pointed at me- nei, _past_ me. Past me and downwards. I took a look over the other side of my bed...

to see Mathias, wrapped up in a sleeping bag, sound asleep.

* * *

'He hasn't left your side once,' Eirikur explained.

'Really?' Oh, Mathias...

'He's been talking to you, you know.'

'Has he? Saying what?'

'...Why don't you ask him _yourself?_'

Well,_ excuse me_ for asking. _You_ were the one that mentioned it, so of course I'm going to ask you. Unless you just don't want to tell me? Another bout of jealousy? Huh. Perhaps... well, they _were_ together in the other world, so..? Oh, I don't _know_, people are too confusing.

'Well? Don't you have something you need to do?' Eirikur asked.

'...draw on his face?'

'Not _exactly_ what I was thinking of. If you really want to, go ahead, but _I'm_ not providing the pen.'

Ah, it's good to have the old Eirikur back.

I reached down the side of the bed and brushed some loose strands of hair out of Mathias' face. I'd forgotten how _cute_ his sleeping face was.

...I couldn't help myself. I continued brushing my fingers against his face, over his mouth, next to his eyes...

'..._mmph_... stop feeling up my face...' he mumbled in his sleep. Uh... _what?_

'_Sorry_.' I withdrew my hand, but I think the sound of my voice woke him up properly. He cracked his eyes open a little, then attempted to sit up by swinging his legs into the air. Ah, physics. How it maketh one look like a dork when cooped up in a sleeping bag.

Mathias twisted his head round to see.

'Hei.' I smiled. Eirikur sighed one of his annoying sighs.

'Norge!' Mathias shouted. _Really_ loudly. He tried to leap up, but I think he'd forgotten the whole sleeping-bag thing. He ended up squirming around on the floor trying to find the zip.

...Actually, it was quite amusing.

Mathias finally managed to free himself from the evil clutches of the Dark Overlord Sleeping Bag of Doom, and rushed over to wrap his arms around me. Considering I'd only just woken up from what from his perspective was a three-day coma, he was squeezing a _little_ too hard.

'Good to see you _too_,' I mumbled into his shoulder. 'Less _suffocation_ might be a good idea.'

Mathias let go a little, that stupid grin all over his face. 'Hej, Nor, couldn't you have let me _know_ before you woke up? I need to be prepared for these things!'

'Well, next time I almost _die_ I _might_ make an effort for you. And wipe that drool off your face.'

He pulled one sleeve over his hand and wiped around his mouth. Disgusting, I know, but we all do it, don't we? Handkerchiefs are too much hassle. 'Hej... you didn't draw anything on my face, did ya?'

'I wanted to.'

'...Hm... Oh yeah! Your clip! Here!' He fished around in his pocket and pulled out my clip, then clipped it back in my hair. 'There. Much better!'

...He's such a _dork_, it's adorable.

'Takk... I worried you, didn't I?'

Mathias looked surprised. 'Of _course_ ya did! Falling down the stairs like that...'

I pulled Mathias closer. 'I'm sorry.'

Ok, it was hardly my fault, but it made _Mathias_ feel better.

'Hej, as long as you get it, that's fine. I'm gonna have to penalise you for making everyone worry like that, though!' he laughed. Oh, how I've _missed_ that laugh.

A knock at the door interrupted our little conversation. Given that _I_ was still stuck in bed, and Mathias was effectively sitting on top of me, Eirikur was the one to open the door.

* * *

Tino was the one who walked in, carrying fresh flowers for the little vase on the windowsill. Of course, when he saw me awake, he kinda dropped them. Shame. They looked like pretty flowers. Heather, I think.

'Hei, Tino.'

'Norge, you're awake! I... so _happy!_'

'Well, of course!' Mathias' grin seemed to widen... if that's even possible. 'It was just a knock to the head, after all! Of _course_ Nor'd be fine!'

...Weren't _you_ the one that just admitted to being worried sick about me?

'I mean, the SOS Brigade operates all year round!' he continued. '_All_ of us have to be here, and stupid things like going into a coma are just excuses!'

'Ja, ja, I know. What's this _penalty_ you've got planned for me then?'

'Hmm...' Mathias stroked his imaginary beard. 'You made us worry for three days, so your penalty's gonna be three days of treating everyone at our café! Oh, and you've still got to play Tino's reindeer! You're gonna carry on until we're all on the floor laughing, minimum! If you're too boring, I'll kick you into another dimension!'

Sorry, I've already been there. _That's_ the boring place.

'Got it.'

I gave one last smile, and Mathias tried to stand up again. I grabbed his tie and pulled him back towards me.

'_Excuse_ me? _I've_ just woken up.'

Mathias tilted his head in confusion. 'And..?'

'And... _you're_ not going anywhere just yet.' Three days can seem like an _awfully_ long time when you miss someone. Like I said before, you don't know what you've got until it's packed off to another school and paired with someone else.

A sudden mischievous look came into Mathias' eyes. 'Apparently not. Whatever shall I do?'

'Well, perhaps for once in your _stupid_ life you could be quiet.' I tugged harder on his tie to bring his face closer to mine.

I think he got the message, because next thing I knew, our lips were locked.

* * *

A/N: Finally! Mathias is back! Yay! [The title is Norwegian for 'awake', by the way. According to Teh Intarwebz. But not Google, they're completely untrustworthy. Also, heather is Norway's national flower. Hooray for tidbits of information!]

Even better, Norge isn't dead! More yay! A slightly shorter chapter this time, but it's nearly over... [Shame. I liked writing Ivan in full yandere mode. Ufu~]

Next chapter, Norge and Berwald have a little... discussion.

Until next time, toodles~


	69. Disappearance XII

The Disappearance of Mathias Køhler XII - Talking Back The Tide

* * *

I couldn't leave the hospital straight away, annoyingly. To everyone else, it looked like I'd only just woken up from a three-day coma. I mean, waking up is great, but the hospital staff insisted on running some tests on me to check that I was ok. I received a visit from my mother and brother, which was nice, but they didn't stay too long. At least they brought me some clothes.

And since I had the room to myself, it gave me a good opportunity to gather my thoughts.

I found myself wandering up to the roof of the hospital once night had fallen. Staring out of the window was _great_, but reflections from the lights kinda ruined the view. Up here, the only thing ruining the view was my breath steaming up in front of my face.

I wonder... what would have happened if I _hadn't_ pressed Enter at the READY? prompt? Mathias, Eirikur, Berwald, Tino... They'd all just be normal people.

Still, I made my decision. I hate to admit it, but when Ivan said it would be better to regret something you did than something you didn't do, I think he _may_ have had a point.

Besides, this world is fun precisely _because_ it's not normal. If I'd gone through all that and _not_ changed the world? All that effort, all that _running_ would have just gone to waste.

That figure... the one that both Tinos seemed to respect enough to back away from my blood-covered body... what was it he said? 'Sorry, I can't really save you right now. Don't worry, it hurt for me too. We'll take it from here. You need to sleep.'

Who was that? That voice sounded _incredibly_ familiar...

Let's think. There were _two_ Tinos. The Tino that's in the year above, and the Tino from much further in the future. Both at the same time. Then there's that issue of who caught Ivan's pipe. There's only one person with reflexes quick enough to catch a pipe moving that quickly. It had to have been Berwald. And that last figure? If you think about it, it's pretty obvious.

He said 'it hurt for me _too_'. Too? Only one person would have the right to say that.

It was _me_. A version of me from some time in the future.

Which explains how the world righted itself. That me must have used the gun on the human Berwald, putting everything back to the way it was. The way it's _supposed_ to be. So at some point in the near future I need to go back and finish this whole incident off.

I noticed a figure out of the corner of my eye.

Berwald had come to visit me on the roof.

* * *

'Hei,' I called. He didn't move. 'Did I make you look for me? Sorry.'

'...'s my fault. Ev'rything that happened was my fault.' Somehow I don't think Berwald was referring to the Great Norge Search he'd just completed. This was... _sorrow?_ It would be difficult to tell for the majority of people, but I'd grown used to the slight movements that made up Berwald's mannerisms.

'...You knew, didn't you? How you'd alter the world on December 14th.' And not just since meeting the Brigade, he'd known for a whole_ three years_... well, three and a half.

'...mm.' Berwald nodded his minute little nod. I wandered over to stand in front of the Swedish alien giant.

'Couldn't you have _said_ something? You know you could have told me. Or Tino. We could have helped.'

'Wouldn't've done 'nything. I still would've wiped your memories 'bout it 'n altered th'world. No way of telling I didn't. Tried to keep your 'riginal state when December 14th came. 's all I could guarantee.'

'You made the Emergency Escape Program, didn't you? You gave me a way out. That's enough.'

Berwald gave no response. I sighed.

'Berwald?' His eyes flicked down slightly to meet mine. 'I'm sorry.'

He looked away, reminding me an awful lot of the human Berwald... Emotions, eh? Tough to handle for someone who's not used to them.

'Hei... it's snowing,' I commented. Sure enough, the little bundles of crystalline frozen water had begun to float down around us. Berwald and I stood there, watching. The first snow of winter is always the prettiest.

Berwald stepped back a little, holding his hands out as if to catch the snow.

'...m'punishment's bein' considered.' He dropped his hands back down to his sides. _Punishment?_

'By who?'

'Th'Data Integration Thought Entity.' Hm. Thought so. 'No guarantee that I won't continue t'develop anomalies in m'behaviour. Errors'll continue as long as I'm here.'

Berwald lowered his head slightly.

'...'s a dangerous possibility.'

'That's _bullshit!_' I shouted. Berwald looked at me, the lights of the city glinting off his glasses. There was _no way_ they could just delete Berwald! 'Send your boss this message. Tell them... If you ever disappear or piss off elsewhere, I am going to unleash _hell_.'

I took hold of one of Berwald's arms.

'You're one of us. A member of the SOS Brigade. I'll do all it takes to keep us together. Because I myself may be powerless, but I can stir up Mathias with just four words.'

_I am John Smith._

If Berwald ever vanishes, I'll tell Mathias _that_. I'll _make_ him believe me. I'll tell him _everything_. And we'll all embark on a quest to save Berwald. I'll bring Eirikur and Tino as well. If Mathias wants him back, he is _damn_ well going to get him back. That's just how Mathias is. Cheerful, loud, annoying, but mess with something he cares for and there will be _hell_ to pay.

Besides... If they _do_ take Berwald, they'll have to deal with a _very_ angry wife.

I realised I'd been gripping Berwald's arm a bit too tightly, so I let go. He didn't seem to be affected, though.

I don't know how advanced the Data Integration Thought Entity is. From what I've seen of Berwald and Ivan, there's all sorts of _crazy_ stuff they can do that normal human beings could only dream of. Which leads me to wonder... If they're so advanced, why the _hell_ did they make Berwald so... emotionally constipated?

Just look at Ivan. Ok, he was a crazy psycho almost-murderer, but _before_ all that he was friendly to the class. You _have_ to be pretty popular to be elected class president. It's clearly possible to make someone with an actual personality.

Then why the _hell_ did they make Berwald a quiet, lonely guy who sits in a classroom and reads books... and very little else? He needed to _look_ like a Literary Club member, but to take it to such extremes was a bit... _cruel_.

Perhaps that's why Berwald _attached_ himself to Tino so soon. Any way of expressing himself he could manage. Any way of forming some sort of _identity_, as his own special snowflake rather than just water in a cloud.

'If they have any complaints, I'll go _straight_ to Mathias and recreate the world. We'll make a world where _you're_ here, but the Data Integration Thought Entity isn't. For Mathias, that would be _easy_. So tell your boss that. Tell them we'll get you back even if we need to make a _whole_ new world from scratch.'

Berwald nodded. The difference was, it wasn't one of the small twitchy ones he usually uses. Nei, this was a full-on head-down, head-up nod.

'...'ll tell'm.'

We stood in the falling snow, breeze blowing the snow across our faces.

'...tack.'

And with that last word, I could confirm without reasonable doubt that this Berwald was a different one to the one I knew earlier in the year.

* * *

_Beeeeeeep beeeeeeep beeeeeeep..._

_Mmmph_... what is it _now..?_

I woke up to find the alarm clock on my pillow, beeping away like a bomb that never _quite_ got round to exploding. Hanatamago was snuggled comfortably on top of me... at least, until my brother came in with his usual morning routine of pulling the duvet off me, sending the poor dog tumbling to the floor. Except this time, I was so wrapped up in said duvet I ended up on the floor as well.

_Stupid_ brother.

The date was December 20th. Once the doctors had determined that no lasting damage had been caused, they had let me go.

December 20th. The last day of school... and the SOS Brigade's Christmas party!

I cycled up that hill with a lot more energy than I could usually muster. It looked like World Academy had gone back to being a school for girls now. _Good_. Those plaid trousers were _awful_. Feliks was perfectly fine again, including his date. How... _wonderful_. And Gilbert and Tino remember me, which is nice. I'd rather _not_ be on the receiving end of another of Tino's punches. The little guy can punch _damn_ hard when he wants to.

In short, the world was back to the way it was.

Ah, how I've _missed_ Mathias' daily bothering. It's only a matter of time before it actually becomes annoying again, but since we're not at school for the next few weeks, it wouldn't be for a while yet.

Of course, if I _did_ want to change to the 'normal' world, all I had to do was, well... _nothing_. If I didn't go back and save myself from Ivan, _that_ me would die and the other world would carry on as if nothing was wrong. Apart from a certain insane Russian.

I just haven't decided when exactly I'm going to do that. Do I save the world sooner rather than later, or do I let apathy kick in? Hei, it's _time_ travel. The starting location doesn't matter, as long as you arrive at the right destination.

But enough self-doubt. I _chose_ this world. End of story. See, while Mathias changes the world subconsciously, I _specifically_ chose to stay in this world. I _want_ to carry on running around like an idiot, among aliens, time travellers and espers. That doesn't mean I can give up responsibility _completely_, of course...

In any case, I can hardly call myself the 'only normal one' of the SOS Brigade now. I'm involved too deeply for that. If you _really_ want to call it that, I suppose you could say I'm among the elite squad of Brigade members saving the world on a regular basis. Just like those cheesy superhero cartoon characters every kid used to watch on a Saturday morning.

Anyway, I made my way over to the clubroom for this party thing.

Mathias and Tino were in charge of getting all the ingredients. Normally I would have been resuming my usual post of Brigade Workbitch - yeah, it's an official title now, it's capitalised - but I was permitted time off to recover. How _very_ kind.

_Mmm_. The smell coming from the clubroom was _delicious_. They will have started cooking, then.

I dunno why I'm feeling so... _satisfied_. It's only a matter of time before _something_ goes wrong and I'm dragged into the middle of it by my left ear. Still, going back and restoring the world may not be something I can put off indefinitely, but it doesn't need to be done this millisecond.

Hei, universe. You can wait a _bit_ longer, can't you? Just... wait on standby or something.

Mathias promised me salmon, after all.

* * *

A/N: Aaaaand that's the arc done. I kinda feel sad to leave this one, but I had fun ^^ [Besides, there's still that little time travel whatchamaflip that needs to be sorted. That'll be coming eventually! Title refers to King Canute/Cnut/however you transliterate that.]

And with that done, I'm all out of anime. Instead, I've got some manga chapters to do [when I can actually get hold of the books D: Seriously, the only ones I can find are the ones I've already got!] and then I can go straight from the light novels.

Next chapter will probably be an omake.

Until next time, à bientôt~


	70. Omake I

Omake - Cassandra Truth

* * *

To the casual observer, nothing gets under Mathias' skin. But you want to know what bothers him? The world is too _normal_. What's that, you say? What does Mathias consider 'not normal'? Well... there's a very simple answer to that. The supernatural. After all, what's weirder than aliens, time travellers and espers?

I mean, one day he'll turn around and say, why haven't I seen a ghost yet? Or something like that. It's always on his mind. Well, that and beer. He loves his alcohol, does Mathias.

If you know what Mathias is capable of, you may consider my next move to be incredibly _stupid_, but we met at our usual café near the station, just me and him. We bought coffees, as usual, and sat down at our normal table. Yeah, we visit this place a _lot_.

I took a sip of my coffee, then set it down on the table.

'Mathias? There's something really important I want to say.'

'Ja? What is it?'

Here goes nothing.

'Well, a while back you said you wanted to find aliens, time travellers and espers. That still true?'

'Of course it is! Why, have you found some?' Oh, look at him, all enthusiastic all of a sudden. I'd say it was cute, but this is _Mathias_.

'Yep. And they're even closer than you think, too.'

'Closer than I think, huh? The only people I can think of like that would be Berwald, Tino and Eirikur! Who's closer to me than them?' said Mathias, sitting across the table from his _workbitch_, with whom he's been to closed space and back- wait, I was _trying_ to forget that. _Curses_.

'Well, that's exactly it.'

'Pahaha! Are you _crazy_, Nor? There's no _way_ it could be that convenient!' ...He's _laughing_ at me. All I'm saying is the truth... 'Ok, then. Who's who?'

'Oh, yeah. Berwald? He's an alien. He's with the Data Integration... _thingy_. I can't remember exactly. He's an agent for this Entity thing- Humanoid Interface, that's it.'

Mathias gave me a look. Like he wanted to believe it, but... 'Uh-huh... then what about Tino?'

'Tino's much easier to explain. He's a time traveller from the future.'

'From _when?_'

'He won't tell me. It's _classified_, apparently.'

'Right... then Eirikur's the esper, is he?'

'Yep.'

'Hm!' Mathias nodded, smiling. Did he believe me?

'Well, then, now you know.'

'Right!' Mathias took a deep breath...

then slammed his hands down on the table, sloshing coffee everywhere.

'_Don't mess with me, Norge!_'

What's _his_ problem all of a sudden? Mathias picks the weirdest things to be rational about... is what I was thinking as he gulped down the last of his coffee and left. Looks like _I'd_ be paying again.

Everything would be so much _easier_ if he'd just believe me for once!

On the other hand, it's _probably_ for the best. If he _ever_ found out about all the strange stuff going on around him... then we'd all be in _big_ trouble.

Sometimes, I'm glad Mathias is Mathias.

* * *

A/N: Just an omake... [Actually, chronologically this is just after the end of Melancholy, so that's what, nearly 60 chapters ago? Yay screwy order!]

And this marks the seventieth chapter! *fanfare* Because I really don't have much to do at the moment...

Next chapter, Norge gets a phonecall from an old... well, person-he-barely-knew-back-at-previous-school.

Until next time, arrivederci~


	71. Charmed I

Charmed at First Sight I - Un Coup De Foudre

* * *

It started with a phonecall. And one I was neither expecting nor happy about.

It was still December. The SOS Brigade Christmas party had gone _very_ well indeed. Well, apart from the bits where I'd been stuffed into a reindeer costume. Everyone found it _hilarious_. Especially Gilbert, who was our guest of honour, and who can produce laughter loud enough to shatter a glass three rooms down. Thankfully, he didn't.

And luckily for me, after all that effort, Mathias' salmon was absolutely _delicious_. It's not the sort of thing you'd expect Mathias to be good at, cooking, but then again Mathias is just good at _everything_. And Tino was helping too, since he used to be in the Cookery Club before Mathias _kidnapped_ him.

But right now, it was that awkward period between Christmas and New Year where nothing really happens.

I was in my room, trying to get a decent sound out of my violin. I hadn't used it in a while, so the notes were all scratchy. And just as I'd _finally_ got a nice sound out of the strings...

my brother barged in, waving the phone at me.

'Norge! Phone for you!'

Hmph. Not like I was in the middle of _doing_ something. _Nope_, not doing _anything_.

I sighed, annoyed. 'Who is it..?'

My brother shrugged. 'Dunno. Some guy who says he's your friend. Hey, can you get me some chocolate?'

'Get it _yourself_, lazy brother.' I took the phone from my brother and shoo'd him out of my room.

Hmm. If it were Mathias or anyone from the Brigade, my brother would recognise them. Feliks and Toris always call my mobile rather than the home phone.

_Ugh_. I hope it's not just one of those irritating salespeople... or someone playing a practical joke on me. Prank calls are _dumb_.

* * *

_Beep_.

'Hallo..? Who is it?'

'Allô? This is Norge, non? It's been a while...'

...And here I was hoping to _forget_ this French pervert.

'...Hallo, Francis.'

You see, back in my previous school, I'd had the _misfortune_ of sharing a class with one Monsieur Francis Bonnefoy. It wasn't that he bothered _me_ particularly, I just couldn't understand for the life of me what his obsession with 'l'amour' was.

Right. I see two problems here.

One... how in the name of _Lindisfarne_ did Francis get _my_ phone number? I barely ever talked to the guy! ...Ok, I barely ever talked to a lot of people, but that's _completely_ irrelevant. If anything, it _furthers_ my case. Why would he want the number of that weirdo who never speaks to anyone?

B- sorry, _two_... what did he want? What could he _possibly_ want with me?

'...It _has_ been a while, hasn't it..? So what are you after?'

Cut straight to the point. Simple.

'Norge... I'm calling you for a reason. Listen closely, because I'm serious.'

...He called me just to say that he was serious? Ugh. Pointless niceties. Just get to the point.

'Please, you're my lifeline...' ...Isn't that going a _bit_ far? 'Norge, I'm... in _love_.'

'And you called _me_ of all people to tell me that? You went through a partner a week.'

'I-I'm serious! This has been troubling me for the last few months!' _Months?_ Great gods above, it _must_ be serious. 'I can't concentrate on anything else... uh, except class and club stuff. My grades have actually _improved_ because of this!'

Congratulations. _Creep_.

'All this was fueled by my love! I found your number in the school log book, and I hesitated for _so_ long before calling you... Even now, I'm trembling all over... This _truly_ is the power of love, Norge.'

That's... _nice_. I _really_ wish I hadn't picked the phone up now... I'd forgotten all about Francis until about five minutes ago, and I'd quite like to go back to that state.

'Ok, Francis, two things,' I finally replied. 'First, while I'm flattered, I don't really think of _anyone_ in that way. Second, I'm sorry, but I'm already taken.'

..._What?_ It's perfectly possible to love someone in a non-sexual way!

'_Quoi?_ Norge, it's not _you_ I'm in love with! _Hell_ no!'

'What a relief. Who _is_ it then?'

'I... don't know. All I know is that he's at North High...'

'You _idiot_.' How can someone be this... _besotted_, and not know who it was? 'More description, please.'

'Ah, of course.' Francis' voice began to sound wistful and nostalgic. I still don't get how he can talk so freely about this to someone he never spoke to, but that's just Francis. 'I remember... It was in spring, I believe. He was... walking with you. Oh... so _handsome_, glasses so shiny... and I saw a heavenly aura around him.'

Sounds like he's on _drugs_. Whatever it is, remind me to stay well away from it.

'And then- then it was like I'd been struck by a bolt of lightning! I lost all sense of time, and when I woke up it was already dark... but I realised then that it _had_ to be love!'

...The only people I walk around with outside of school that are North High students are the SOS Brigade. Which narrows the selection down to about four. Now, I don't remember walking around the city with Eirikur at all, so that makes it three. Berwald, Tino or... Mathias?

Oh, tell me it's not Mathias, _please_...

'This is fate, it must be. I saw his character fully with just a single look... shining like an angel-'

'Look,' I interrupted, sick of his rambling. 'Why _exactly_ are you calling me? Because you saw me with this guy who you don't even know the _name_ of?'

'Oui!' Oh, _wonderful_. 'It may have been back in spring, but _you_ can help put me out of my misery!'

_Argh_. Like_ I'm_ going to be any use. So _irritating_.

'Ok, fine, whatever, I'll help. Describe this guy.'

Francis made some _odd_ sounds, before finally answering. 'He was... _tall_.'

Well, that rules out Tino. Tino's shorter than _me_.

'Tall, blond...'

...That doesn't rule out _either_ of the two that are left. Berwald and Mathias are _both_ tall and blond. Well, the whole SOS Brigade is blond. Eirikur's just so blond he lost all the colour from his hair.

'...and wore glasses.'

..._Ah_.

'And he was glowing... such a beautiful aura...'

_Again_ with the drugs. What were you _on_ on that day?

'...Do you mean Berwald? Berwald Oxenstierna is his name.' I told him. _Hm_. Not sure his wife's going to be _too_ happy about that.

'Berwald Oxenstierna..? Ah, such a _lovely_ name...'

He's lost it again. Interruption time.

'Francis, I make no claim to understand _any_ of your nonsense, but _how_ can you fall in love with someone you saw precisely once?'

'I just_ know!_ I... I can't stop thinking about this Berwald!'

'Pfft, whatever. What do you want _me_ to do about it?'

'Give Berwald a message. You were walking side by side, you are close, non?'

'We're friends, ja.' Well, I see him nearly every day anyway, and he did kinda recreate the whole world leaving me untouched, but...

'Ah-_ha!_ Thought so! I didn't _think_ you could be dating. You prefer them _bizarre_, don't you? Like that stuffy, unrefined-'

'He and I were _never_ dating. I thought you argued enough with him to know that.'

Can someone tell me _where_ this reputation for me liking the strange ones came from? Toris seems to think that as well... it's so _annoying_. Besides, Francis, _you_ can't talk. _You've_ fallen elbow-over-arse for Berwald, of all people.

...I don't think elbow-over-arse is an actual phrase, but it _should_ be.

'On-hon-hon...' What kind of _weird_ laugh is that? 'You can't hide from me, the expert of l'amour...'

'If you're such an _expert_, go talk to Berwald now. _Yourself_.'

'_Non!_ I want _you_ to give him a message from me! Tell him to wait for me.'

'_Wait?_ What are you on about now?'

'Wait... for me to _propose_.'

I wonder when exactly I can slip in a mention of Tino... Oh, by the way, Francis, Berwald's wife is a _damn_ good shot with a sniper rifle. Did I mention?

'I've been studying hard lately. I could get into university _easily_. Economics, for sure... then I'll join a small firm somewhere. That way I can get all the information I need to start my own business. Once I'm successful, that's when I'll do it.'

...He's talking like it's _actually_ going to happen. 'Do _what?_'

'Propose to my Berwald.' _His_ Berwald? ..._Ugh_.

'Uh, about that... Berwald's kinda...'

'I have two years left at school...' _Agh_, _curse_ my inability to articulate. 'Add about four years in university, two years' training and three years to get my business running... that's eleven years. Let's make it ten years, and I'll be a true entrepreneur...'

'You're an _idiot_.' What kind of _moron_ would listen when some random stranger comes out of nowhere and asks him to wait for ten _years_ so he could propose?

'So rude, Norge. I _planned_ all this out!'

'For a guy whom you've never _actually_ met properly. If you'd let me _finish_, you'd know that unfortunately for you, Berwald is already with someone.'

Francis paused. '...There's always time. Who's to say they'll still be together in ten years?'

Uh, Tino's future self. Not that I can actually _say_ that, of course.

'Francis, this _really_ is the sort of thing that should be done in person. _Not_ with a rather unwilling middle man.'

'Ah... I can't. If I saw him, I'd freeze on the spot. It happened recently... I saw him again near the supermarket, and I ended up standing there until the supermarket closed and they threw me out.'

...It would have been funny if he were still frozen as he was carried out of the closing supermarket. The image of one of the staff carrying what would look like a life-size statue... But laughing would be _rude_. Of _course_.

I sighed loudly. So that Francis could hear _just_ how annoyed I was by this point. '_Fine_, give me the message and I'll pass it on.'

'You'll _do_ it? Oh, merci, _merci!_ I'll invite you to the wedding, and you can make a speech-'

'Shut _up_. Just give me the damned message.' Making a speech is the _last_ thing I'd want to do. Weddings are full of _people,_ anyway.

I grabbed a nearby notepad and started writing as Francis began dictating his incredibly long, rather over-the-top and quite frankly _stupid_ message.

As if Mathias wasn't already enough _chaos_ to deal with. Now there's this..? All of a sudden I get a phone call from an old classmate whom I barely spoke to, who wants to profess his undying love for someone he's never met?

I guess it's just a sign that I'm truly _insane_ that I can put up with all of this.

* * *

A/N: ...Yep, Norge's asexual. I don't care, fiction in general needs more aces. [There's one or two acefics on the kink meme, but they're buried under the mounds of porn...]

Where was I..? Oh yes, the fic. France! Crack pairing of death! Angry wives! Well, not yet, but maybe. The title is the French idiom for 'love at first sight'. Literally, it's 'a strike of lightning'. [Yay for actual foreign-language qualifications. Even though I'm dropping the subject next year. Not because I don't like the language, I just can't stand the course...]

Next chapter, love-letter lunacy ensues. Including completely unjustified rage.

Until next time, au revoir~ [honhonhon...]


	72. Charmed II

Charmed At First Sight II - Everything Sounds Pervier In French

* * *

Now, during the school holidays one would expect most students to stay _well_ away from the place where they've been cruelly imprisoned for the past few months.

Mathias isn't most students though. No organised school? Who gives a damn? The SOS Brigade meets anyway! I'm... not _entirely_ sure how he managed to get us access, since there are kinda... gates in the way, but I'm not going to question it.

I'd been noticing a sharp incline in the amount of _crap_ that had been cluttering up our room over the last few months. Whenever Mathias found something he liked, it went into the clubroom. Whenever Tino got a new outfit, it went into the clubroom. Whenever Berwald got a new book, which was very frequently, it went into the clubroom. When Eirikur got a new board game... oh, you get the idea. Basically, it's everyone's fault but mine. That's why we'd set aside today to have a big clearout.

It also gave me a good opportunity to relay Francis' message to Berwald. I'm still hugely confused by all this, but I _did_ agree to this... which, in hindsight, was a _really_ stupid idea.

I'd written all his insane crap down, word-for-word, on a piece of paper I'd pulled out of my notebook. Hei, I'm not having _that_ cluttering up my note space.

Anyway, it was about noon when I arrived at the clubroom. I'd arrived about an hour before I was supposed to be there. Not because my poor wallet was suffering, that only applies to out-of-school stuff anyway. Nei, this was because while Mathias was always punctual, he was never quite _this_ early.

And that French bastard ordered me to read this _stupid_ letter out to Berwald. Not just give it to him to read, I've got to read it in 'the same passionate voice of_ love_'... or some such crap. I _hate_ reading stuff out loud, so I'm tempted just to ignore this 'request'.

* * *

As I thought, Berwald was the only person in the clubroom when I arrived. Absorbed in a book, as usual.

'Hei,' I called across the room. Berwald looked up from his book. He raised an arm and adjusted his glasses slightly. 'Nobody else here?'

'Nej.'

I wandered over to the window. It was odd seeing the school so empty, although _we_ were the odd ones for coming in at all. Still, king's orders.

Rule one of the SOS Brigade: Do what the king says without questioning it.

...Hehe, you thought it was going to be 'Don't talk about the SOS Brigade', didn't you?

'Uh, Berwald... A small problem's come up.'

Berwald fixed his eyes on my face. It's times like this when he _really_ looks scary, but I know Berwald's the last person I need to be scared of. '...what is't?'

'Um... how best to put this... someone I _vaguely_ knew of has decided he's madly in love with you and has demanded that I relay his message.'

The moment Berwald says 'nej' is the moment I tear this stupid piece of paper up and use it for paper maché.

'...I see.'

Nei! _That's_ not the answer I want! Tell me it's useless! Think of the_ wife!_

My mental screams seemed to do nothing, as Berwald continued staring at me as if he wanted me to continue. I sighed, and handed over the letter.

'There.' Sorry, Francis, but there is no way in _hell_ I'm reading that mushy nonsense out loud. It makes me queasy just reading it in my _head_. Telling Berwald the whole story of the life you've planned... do you really expect anything to come of it if you can't even _look_ at him without freezing to the spot? What's up with that, anyway?

Berwald scanned the paper. Both sides. It's _really_ long. He looked up at me, then back to the paper... wait, he's finished _already?_ Alien reading skills. Berwald has them. That's why we're so full of books... that and the minor detail that this used to be the Literary Club's room. A minor detail I was rather cruelly reminded of not too long ago.

'...understood.' He nodded. Hold on a millisecond. He _understands_ this drivel?

A rather awkward silence ensued. Was I supposed to say something..?

'I've received th'message. Cannot comply. Self-control mech'nism may not last ten years.'

..._That's_ what he's worried about? Berwald can be _way_ too literal-minded sometimes...

'Ja... Ten years is a long time, isn't it?' I mused to myself. I hadn't really thought about what I'd be doing in ten years' time, and to be honest, I don't want to. It's _scary_. So how Francis could have planned something like that so meticulously, _and_ expect to pull it off... that's another thing to add to the _long_ list of Stuff I Don't Understand.

I guess I felt a bit relieved when Berwald rejected the message like that. If only because I didn't particularly want to find Francis' head in a soup dish one day somewhere.

'Sorry, Berwald. I probably should have ignored his demands...'

Berwald gave no answer, just gave me the letter back and carried on reading his book. I opened the window. It was pretty cold in here, and the breeze now rolling in didn't help much, but I needed to get rid of this literary filth.

With all the stuff we've got in here, you'd think we'd have a _bin_, at least...

I stuck my arm out of the window and threw the scrunched-up piece of paper as far as I could manage. It landed close to the tree in the middle of the courtyard between buildings, where it rolled a bit further before losing momentum and stopping by the fence. With any luck, once the wind picks up, it'll roll into a gutter somewhere, maybe into a drain. Wherever it goes, I hope I never see that blasted thing again-

Crap in a bucket. A certain _someone_ noticed the sudden appearance of the ball of paper. That certain someone glared up at the window and picked the letter up.

And started to _read_ it. Despite my shouts of protest.

Right, question time. Question one: What was on that piece of paper?

Answer: An irritatingly eloquent confession of love for Berwald.

Question two: Whose handwriting was it in?

Answer: Mine.

Question three, part a: What would someone think when reading it?

Answer: They'd probably think it was written by me, thus completely misunderstanding the situation.

Question three, part b: And what if said person was Mathias Køhler?

Answer: Oh, _skitt_.

If Mathias was glaring at me before, that glare had turned into full-blown _rage_.

...Today's _really_ not my day, is it?

* * *

It was approximately seven and a half seconds before Mathias blasted into the clubroom, grabbed my by my scarf and lifted me into the air.

That was roughly the point where I thought _maybe_ I should have burnt it instead of throwing it out of the window...

'_You!_ What the _fuck_ is this? _Berwald_, of all people? What the _fuck_ is it?'

I don't think I'd ever seen him so _furious_.

'N-not mine! I was helping someone I used to know-' I managed to choke out, before his grip tightened, cutting off my air supply.

'Don't lie, _røvhul!_ I know your writing by now, and that's _definitely_ your writing!'

'L-let go, let me expl-' Mathias suddenly let go of me, letting me drop to the floor.

And _that's_ when Tino decided to walk in.

'A-ah... Am I interrupting something? I... I can come back later..?'

Nei, Tino, you're not interrupting _anything_ at all. I just nearly got _choked_ to death, that's all. Nothing _serious_.

'Oh. Did I arrive too early?' The fifth head appeared in the doorway behind Tino, puffin firmly rooted in place atop his silver hair. 'Looks like these two are busy. Tino, shall we come back later?'

'Nei!' I called over to them. What did he think this was, some sort of domestic quarrel? 'Come help me, _drittsekk!_'

'With what?' Eirikur replied.

'This _idiot_ won't listen to me, won't even let me explain!'

'What is there to explain, Norge?' Mathias yelled down at me. '_You_ wrote that letter to Berwald! That... _guh!_ Just _get out!_'

I hauled myself up using the table, almost at Mathias' eye level. 'Look. Just let me explain first, ok?'

Sorry, Francis, but if I don't tell them about you the world will implode. Sideways.

* * *

Finally, Mathias agreed to let me tell them the whole situation. Tino made coffees for everyone, if only to calm Mathias' inner _berserker_ down...

'...Huh. What a _weird_ friend you have,' Mathias finally responded after I'd finished my explanation about Francis and his obsession with Berwald.

'He's _not_ a friend.'

'Whatever. Having an obsession like that is just too far.'

Yep. For once, Mathias, I _completely_ agree with you.

'I thought maybe you and Berwald were actually... haha, you know.' ...nei, I don't know. We were _what?_ 'Then I thought perhaps you'd teamed up with Feliks to play a joke on Berwald. Berwald's the quiet type, the sort that'd get fooled easily.'

Actually, Berwald's probably the _least_ likely person in this room to be fooled. The most likely would be _you_, of course. Which makes keeping all this stuff quiet a tiny, _tiny_ bit easier.

'Thinking about it now, though, _you_ wouldn't be able to pull it off anyway. _Hahaha!_'

...Why would I want to anyway? Why would Feliks want to, either? He's got that World Academy girl anyway...

'Actually,' Tino mused, 'that sounds quite romantic... I'd love to meet someone willing to wait ten years for me.'

'Hm? Hej, Tino, weren't you Berwald's wife?' Mathias asked. Tino's expression changed to one of shock.

'I'm not his _wife!_'

Berwald turned his head away. Tino realised what he'd just said, and started frantically apologising.

'A-ah, I didn't mean I didn't _like_ you! All I _meant_ was that I don't really like being called a wife! I-I _am_ male, after all...'

_...So cute._

'Hehe, but you still look _damn_ adorable in that maid dress, Tino!' Mathias laughed. 'Anyway, uh... what were we talking about again?'

'_Idiot_.' I lightly whacked Mathias over the head. 'We were talking about Francis and his creepy obsession with someone he's never actually met.'

'Oh yeah!' Mathias gave another of his stupid grins. Of _course_, Mathias. That solves _everything_.

'Francis,' I took another sip of my coffee, finishing it off, 'is essentially a serial flirt. He's completely obsessed with '_l'amour_', as he calls it. That's why him being _this_ crazy over someone for so long is so... _unusual_.'

'Hmm.' Eirikur finished skim-reading the letter, and placed it down on the table. 'He seems a bit over-the-top, but he's grounded in reality. It came a bit suddenly, but it's clear to see this guy's passion.'

Why, _takk_, casual psychologist. Going to analyse the _rest_ of us now?

'On the other hand,' he continued, 'it needs courage to use language like that in a letter. And you, Norge, are clearly _nice_ enough to write it down word-for-word... I'd never do that. My hand wouldn't stand for it.'

Hm. Might rebel against you. _Then_ how would you manage to fight Celestials?

'In any case, Berwald already gave me an answer,' I replied. 'Ten years is too long.'

'...can I see again?' Berwald asked suddenly. Why did he want to read it _again?_ Was it _that_ scintillating..?

'Hm? Of course.' Eirikur passed the letter over to Berwald, who began scanning the page again.

'Curious, are ya?' Mathias laughed. 'Well, I guess letters like this are rare in this day and age!'

Then why the heck did you think_ I'd_ written it? ...And you haven't apologised for nearly _strangling_ me yet.

'...cannot wait.' Thought so. 'But... I could see'm.'

_Oh?_ That's rather unexpected. _Everyone_ in the room seemed to be surprised at that. Watch in amazement as four jaws simultaneously hit the floor.

'...'m curious.'

The look on Berwald's face told me he was incredibly serious about this.

* * *

The clear-out continued as planned... sort of. When I asked Berwald what I should do with the shelves full of books, he didn't give a verbal answer, just stared at me. It was... _kinda_ unnerving, so I left the books alone. Tino's costumes all had to be taken to the dry cleaners, so at least we had a _little_ more space hidden behind the sliding whiteboard than before. Not that it would last.

Mathias, on the other hand, refused to get rid of _any_ of his stuff. Apparently it's an unforgivable sin to throw stuff away when it hasn't been used and is unlikely to ever get used. Environmentally unfriendly, he says. Never mind the fact that at the rate he's going, the room's going to turn into landfill anyway... _ugh_. Disgusting.

He handed Eirikur and me a pair of cleaning cloths, ordering us to clean the windows. Since it would be the last clubroom visit of the year, we needed to make this place sparkling clean before we left. Berwald and Tino were in charge of clearing the floor.

While the other three were busy, Eirikur started muttering to me as we scrubbed at the windows, still trying to remove traces of the 'Glædelig Jul' Mathias had sprayed on the window before Christmas. Somehow I _knew_ I'd be the one clearing this up.

'Norge, just between you and me... Aside from my Agency, there's _other_ organisations interested in Berwald now. Right now he's _just_ as important as you or Mathias. He's certainly the most unusual TFEI we've come across.'

Argh, this spray paint won't come off. 'What are you on about..?'

See, playing stupid is easy. Tino managed it very, very well at the beginning of all this. When it comes to the recent... incident involving Berwald, as well as Tino and myself, though, it's not something I can just ignore. It's the reason I'm here at all and not lying six feet under right now.

'Eh, _whatever_ you're talking about, I'll think of something.'

'Good.' Eirikur scrubbed harder at the window. 'Trying to prepare for our mountain trip is wearing me out. It's easier for _you_, you've got Mathias to play with. I don't have _any_ such luxury.'

...Was that a hint of _bitterness_ there?

'Maybe I should just take off this metaphorical mask. I don't even _know_ when I created it for myself, but it's tiring trying to please everyone all the time.'

'If it's so _tiring_, then go ahead.'

'If I could, I would. This is how Mathias expects me to act, though. Confusing him would be a bad idea.' Eirikur sighed. 'In that respect I envy Tino. He doesn't need to act.'

Quite the purple-eyed green-eyed monster, aren't you? 'Maybe not _now_, but he's completely different to the way he was when the Brigade started up. You said yourself his helpless act really _was_ an act.'

'And you _believed_ me? I'll have to remember that.'

I pushed Eirikur over a bit. 'What's _that_ supposed to mean?'

'...Nothing. Ignore me.' Ugh. Eirikur annoys me. Everyone else has changed, and he's just... _pretentious_. 'But já, staying the way I am is my role.'

That... does make a surprising amount of sense. I've only seen Eirikur break the cold façade a few times, and none of them were when Mathias was able to see it. Closed space, camel cricket...

'Hm. Though, I _am_ kinda looking forward to this mountain trip you've got planned for us.'

'...Takk.' Eirikur glanced over at me, before returning to scrubbing.

There. Take _that_, paint. Your presence is no longer wanted on the surface of this window.

If only some things could be removed just like that... like this insane French creep.

People... just don't make _sense_.

* * *

A/N: What do you mean, Berwald isn't Francis' type? He flirts with everyone! Everyone's his type! xD And yay for foreign swears! Fear Mathias' Danish rage!

...Motivation, and how I manage to update so often? Hmm... Positive reviews make me internally squee... and it's a great distraction from doing important stuff. Also, it's amazingly fun fitting references to stuff, adding random bits of headcanon [which is where Asexy!Norge came from...] and just generally writing in Norge's frame of mind. As for how many chapters... essentially, I'll probably keep going until I either get bored of it or run out of source material. So I'll most likely be going for quite a while yet xD

Next chapter, Norge gives Francis a status report.

Until next time, ja ne~


	73. Charmed III

Charmed At First Sight III - Mood: Unsociable

* * *

Clearing out the clubroom was exhausting work, so the first thing I did when I got home was head straight upstairs and lie on my bed for a while, once I'd moved Hanatamago out of the way. Staring at the ceiling is surprisingly good for one's thought process. And this needed _quite_ a bit of thought.

Obviously Francis is just one of _those_ people, but what I don't understand at all is how he can get so... _attached_ to someone he's never spoken to. Is it some sort of lust? In which case, what's with planning an entire _life_ around him? I just don't get it...

'Norge!' my brother shouted, barging into the room without asking. As _usual_. 'Phone for you! It's the same person as yesterday!'

Francis? Ugh... _brilliant_. Just what I need.

I took the phone from my brother. Said brother then proceeded to start playing with Hanatamago on my bed. _Noisily_.

'...Hallo?'

'Norge? It's me. What did he say?'

...Straight to the point. Can you say one-track mind? Actually, it's quite simple. One. Track. Mind. Perhaps add a hyphen if you're a real pedant.

'Didn't _quite_ go as you would have liked.' I made waving motions with my hand, trying to signal to my brother that I didn't _really_ want him in here. 'Sorry, but Berwald says ten years is much too long.'

...But still, Berwald was _curious_. This warrants further investigation.

'Ah, I see... I didn't think it would be that easy.' Francis sounded... surprisingly calm for someone who'd just been rejected by someone he'd been obsessing over for the last few months...

Finally, my brother got the message and left, carrying Hanatamago and swinging her around as if he were Rafiki and Hanatamago were Simba.

...Of course, lillebror, talking animals are all the same. _Miaow_.

Anyway, back to this French moron.

'Is that _all_ you've got to say? I wrote that letter down word-for-word, and _that's_ the only response you can give me? If you knew it wouldn't work, why did you _bother_ asking?'

'There's a certain way of doing things, you know.'

'Yeah, and your 'certain way' makes about as much sense as tap-dancing on a table with a giant fracture down the middle. Step on the wrong place and the whole thing collapses.'

'..._quoi?_' Oh. _Whoops_. Thinking out loud. Never a good idea. 'Ah, no matter. I thought perhaps he would become _interested_, at least...'

...He did. I think this is the first time Berwald's been so 'curious' about something. I could be wrong, though...

'So, Norge, I'd like to ask another favour of you.'

_Another_ one? He didn't even _thank_ me for the first one. Ungrateful _bastard_. Why does nobody seem to know simple manners?

'Another favour like _what?_'

'I'm playing in a football game tomorrow. Could you maybe bring Berwald along to watch?'

...I didn't even know he played. 'When is this?'

'Tomorrow.'

If I'd been drinking at the time - which I wouldn't be, drinking on the phone is _stupid_ - said drink would be making wonderful wall paint around about now.

'_Tomorrow?_ What's with the lack of warning?' Seriously, that's the sort of thing _Mathias_ would do...

'If Berwald will not wait ten years, I shall have to bring him over to _my_ view sooner.'

Now he just sounds like a creepy pervert. _That's_ more like the Francis I remember... not that that's a good thing in the _slightest_.

'Ever consider that you _may_ be inconveniencing someone..?' I asked, not expecting much of a sensible response.

'Why, are you busy?'

'Uh... unfortunately not. I don't think Berwald will be busy either.' Or anyone else for that matter.

'Ah, _good!_ Then please, bring Berwald over. If he refuses, I'll give up for good. But even if there's a million-to-one chance he might accept, I'll take that chance.'

I sighed. _Finally_, a chance to get this irritating Frenchman out of my hair. There can't be any way Berwald would accept... right? 'Fine. I'll call him later. Where is this?'

Oh, and I _might_ just bring everyone else along, too. Got a problem with that? Nei? _Good_.

Francis told me where the match was held and when it would start. He then started thanking me profusely, at which point I hung up. There are more interesting things to do than listen to Francis talking about naming his first child after me.

...Wait, how would that even _work?_ Nobody seems to know my name anyway, and having 'Norge' as an actual _name_ would just be weird.

* * *

The next day seemed to roll around rather quickly. Always seems to do that when you least want it to... Francis was hardly top of my list of People I Might Actually Want To Stay In Contact With.

...Yeah, I have a _lot_ of random lists.

'Hej! Nor! Why are _you_ always the last one here? _You_ were the one who suggested coming!'

Yep. I brought Mathias and the rest of the Brigade along as well. Even if I hadn't wanted to, it would still be difficult to take Berwald without them finding out. Besides, none of them were busy.

We met at our usual spot outside the station. Everyone was wrapped up warmly, it being the depths of winter... with the exception of Berwald who just wore his uniform with a hooded coat over the top. Huh. I suppose aliens are better-equipped to deal with the _bitter_ cold.

Berwald, as usual, was _completely_ blank-faced.

'Ok, let's go!' Mathias shouted suddenly. 'Uh... who knows where we're going?'

Forehead, I apologise for any pain I may have caused you, but this _idiot_ just makes me want to hit something.

'I checked bus routes beforehand,' Eirikur stated. 'There's a bus not far from here that should take us there. It'll take about half an hour.'

'Ok! Well, what are we waiting for?' Mathias took charge, and marched off towards the bus stop Eirikur had pointed out.

...Actually, my _neck_ is waiting for an apology. I mean, sure, I _know_ it was all a big misunderstanding, but strangulation kinda hurts.

I trailed behind a little, not really feeling in the most sociable mood ever. So _who_ comes over to disturb my peace?

_Eirikur._

Hmm... I wonder how everyone would react if it had been _Eirikur_ Francis had developed an obsession over... Would we even care..? _Mathias_ might, he appointed Eirikur as Deputy, but still...

'You do seem to have a lot of... _interesting_ friends, Norge,' Eirikur muttered, before walking off to catch up with Mathias. Presumably to carry on giving directions.

_Interesting?_ In what way was _Francis_ 'interesting'? He's just a _creep_... on the other hand, I don't really know anything about this kinda stuff, but feeling 'struck by lightning' _probably_ wouldn't be defined as normal attraction.

In any case, my mood was pretty gloomy for most of the morning. I dunno, it just felt like... like _something_ was missing. I couldn't figure it out, though.

Maybe this is all getting a bit too much to handle...

* * *

A/N: Sigh... angst for everyone! Dammit, France, y u mess things up? [Also, over 150 reviews! Thanks muchly ^^]

Short chapter is short, but... meh. Yeah... poor Eirikur. [Hmm, hadn't thought about Ice/HK... it's not really a pairing I'm fond of, but... I'm saying nothing. *zips mouth* Mmmphphpmph- *unzips mouth* Ok, that's stupid. Uh... ok, ok, I haven't decided on a pairing for Eirikur yet. But still... can't have him angsting forever, can we? Ufu~]

Next chapter, football ensues.

Until next time, da svedanya~ [Russia's character songs reversed are seriously creepy D:]


	74. Charmed IV

Charmed At First Sight IV - To You, I Bequeath A Boot To The Head

* * *

Well, half an hour later and there we were, stood outside Francis' school's playing field. Unlike ours, which just looks like a hill that had been steamrollered by a herd of elk, this field actually looked like some _effort_ went into making it.

Since I was a useless lazy person and overslept, we'd missed two buses. So by the time we finally arrived, the game had been going for fifteen minutes.

Poor Francis must be _devastated_.

Somehow we managed to find a space among the crowd to quietly slot ourselves into. Well, quietly in everyone's case but Mathias. He's incapable of quiet. I ended up positioned between Mathias and Tino in the middle of our little group.

'Hej, Nor? Which one is he?' Mathias asked, poking me in the arm to get my attention.

'That one there with the blond hair. Uh... the one with number 10 on his back. Blue team.'

Not that I could _see_ from all the way out here - Francis had given me a description beforehand.

I have absolutely _no_ interest in football. Watching a bunch of people kicking a ball around for hours on end isn't something I'm _particularly_ keen on. I seem to remember that was one of the sports Mathias suggested - read: _demanded_ - that we enter a team for after we won and forfeited the baseball tournament. Which we didn't, after much argument.

It wasn't until Tino took a large flask out of his bag and offered us all coffee that I realised just how _chilly_ it was today. Ah, Tino, always so thoughtful.

Speaking of Tino... the whole 'wife' thing is just confusing me. I guess he's _going_ to get used to it, since Future-Tino seemed to accept it, but it seems that particular development hasn't quite sprouted yet...

'More coffee?' Tino offered, which I gladly accepted. 'Oh, remind me, which one is Francis?'

'Um... number 10 in blue. Why?'

'Oh, no reason...' _Really_, Tino? 'Mathias? Do we by any chance still have those pellet guns we used for the movie?'

'Sure, they're back at the clubroom. What d'ya want them for?'

...He mentioned the guns straight after asking which one Francis was. There is most _definitely_ no connection here...

'A-ah, nothing, nothing,' Tino stuttered, frantically waving his arms from side to side.

Of _course_ it's nothing. You're _not_ Berwald's wife, after all.

'Eh, ok. Hej, Nor, don't you think it's cold?' Mathias asked.

'Hmm, I suppose so. I've been in colder, though.' Arctic Circle in the dead of winter. My brother came back with _icicles_ forming in his nose.

'Then we should keep warm!'

'How-' I began to ask, but was cut off by Mathias wrapping his arms around me.

Oh. _That's_ how.

I didn't really feel like arguing, so I let him. Sure, I may not have been in the _best_ of moods at the time, but I suppose it did keep me warm. Maybe there _is_ something in that vast expanse that is Mathias' head...

I glanced over at Berwald. He looked more like he was daydreaming than watching Francis... Well, it was hard to tell at the angle I was looking from. Berwald was completely immobile.

A whistle blew, signalling the end of the first half. Francis' team in blue gathered at the far end of the pitch, presumably for a pep talk. Actually, probably a lecture on just how awfully they were playing... I dunno. Neither side was doing _brilliantly_.

Not that I could really pay _too_ much attention to the match with a certain Dane smushed into my shoulder.

Francis hadn't even looked in our direction once. _Sigh_... I go through all that effort to bring Berwald along for him, I sat through the first half of this _stupid_ game, and he's not even looking? _Argh_. Did he want to win _that_ much..?

...On the other hand, if he _freezes_ whenever he looks at Berwald, that's probably not the best idea. I still think he might be exaggerating a little, though.

In any case, once the game was over Francis would be free to meet Berwald. Then I can get rid of the French moron for good.

Or so I thought.

It was only a few minutes after the whistle blew to mark the start of the second half that another player _crashed_ into Francis, leaving him motionless on the grass. The sound his head made as he hit the floor was most definitely not pleasant.

Mathias let go of me and stood up to see over the crowd. '...Is he ok?'

Well, _actually_, he's perfectly fine, he's just playing possum. Or maybe he just decided to take a _nap_ in the middle of the match. You_ idiot!_

...And there comes the stretcher. From what I could see from up here, there wasn't any _major_ damage, and he was still responding - in fact, he tried to sit up, but failed miserably and collapsed again.

'...Hmm. Got off lightly,' Eirikur muttered to himself. 'Common sporting injuries...'

_Takk_, Doctor Steilsson. Now, if Francis got off so lightly, why can I hear the siren of an _ambulance?_ Hm?

'Eh, Nor, the guy's unlucky, isn't he?' Mathias asked, looking down on me. 'I mean, he was trying to impress Berwald, and _this_ happens... Still! _No_ breaking up the SOS Brigade for outside commitments!'

If the muttering coming out of Berwald's mouth moments before the accident was anything to go by, I don't think it was _actually_ an accident. Oh, don't think I didn't see you, Berwald... trying to hide your mouth with your hood - that only works if you cover it _properly_.

At last, the paramedics arrived and carried Francis off in the ambulance.

* * *

...Well, now _he's_ gone there's no point in staying to watch a game nobody was interested in anyway. So now what?

'Hej, let's go to the hospital!' Mathias suggested, once we'd navigated our way through the crowds and out into the open. At least said crowd was mostly seated, I'm ok with seated crowds. Of course, now we were even _colder_.

'...Why?'

'What d'ya mean, why? Francis has been injured, and _he's_ the reason we sat through that crap! Besides, the hospital will be _warm_...'

..._warmth_... eh, I'd rather _not_ go back to a hospital so soon after being released from one, but that doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

'I'd prefer not to, but if you insist, then fine.'

'Nor!' Mathias gripped my shoulders, staring straight at me. 'He's your _frie_- uh, whatever! I mean, I was worried _sick_ when you got carried off in the ambulance a couple of weeks ago!'

...The two cases are _completely_ different. You've never actually met Francis, while you've been bothering _me_ for most of the last year. _Totally_ different.

'Eirikur, can you check which hospital Francis went to?' Mathias called over to Eirikur, who obediently pulled out his phone and started keying in a number, then put the phone to his ear and began inquiring.

...Somehow I don't think it's the emergency services he's calling there.

Eirikur put his phone away after a minute or so. 'Got it. It's a hospital you're very familiar with, put it that way.'

...Le gasp, what a coincidence. Ja, _that_ was where I woke up to see you munching your way through one of what I'm sure were several packets of liquorice...

'Ok, then! To the hospital! Let's call a taxi, it'll be cheaper with five of us.' Mathias wore an uncharacteristically serious expression. I guess he loses the grin when someone gets injured, although... why over _Francis_ of all people?

Are we even all going to fit in a taxi?

'Oh, Mathias? I thought it would be a good idea to sort out details for our mountain trip, so perhaps just send Norge and Berwald?' Eirikur suggested.

'Huh? Why?' Mathias looked confused at that. Understandable, really, although at least it sorts out the taxi space problem.

'Because it's almost the New Year, and organising stuff is a pretty big event. I'd hoped to have the meeting today, but thanks to this little _distraction_ we haven't been able to.'

'...Well, _sorry_.' Really, though, Eirikur, it's not _my_ fault. Francis just called me out of the blue, what could I do about it?

'Oh, I'm not _blaming_ you, Norge. Just... you and Berwald go, and we'll sort things out back here. We'll be at our usual café, ok?'

Spoken with the authority of a true Deputy. _Feh_.

'...Ok, fine, they can go. I guess I wouldn't be much help anyway, haha!' Mathias laughed. For the record, you're correct in that respect. You'd be _completely_ useless.

'Uh... could I go as well? You're not really going to need me for the planning...' Tino? Why did _he_ want to come along all of a sudden? Cue the epiphany..?

'Ok! Looks like it'll just be you and me, Eirikur!'

...Oh, _great_. _Just_ what we need, Mathias left alone with the purple-eyed green-eyed monster.

That's his name now.

'But don't forget to report back to me afterwards!' Oh, don't worry, Mathias, we won't forget. Somehow I doubt you'll let us forget.

The five of us took a bus back to the station, where Eirikur and Mathias split off to go to the coffee shop and Tino, Berwald and I hailed a taxi.

I couldn't help but look back as we made our way over to the waiting vehicle. From the looks of things, they'd already started their dastardly scheming- I mean, trip planning. I swear, Eirikur, if you do _anything_...

As the taxi travelled in the direction of the hospital, I lost my mind in thoughts. There were too many questions I still needed answering.

Firstly, why did Francis, so attached to Berwald, manage to get himself _injured?_ Secondly, Berwald and his mumbled 'curses'... I glanced into the back of the taxi, but Berwald was simply staring at the back of the driver's seat, while Tino watched the world go by with a curious fascination. I wonder if they still _have_ taxis in Tino's time?

And thirdly... Eirikur described Francis as 'interesting'. It was that _particular_ word that bothered me. The only people I think Eirikur would describe as 'interesting' were the ragtag bunch of misfits that were the SOS Brigade. So why was he using that word for _Francis?_

...We'll be at the hospital soon. I'm sure it'll get revealed then.

Hopefully, that'll get rid of this _irritating_ person for good.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for all the suggestions, those are some... interesting Iceland pairings *shot'd* I think I may have made a decision... but I'm not telling! And not even Mathias with an axe can make me tell you! And yes, sorry for the confusion, when I say football I mean what my lovely American readers refer to as 'soccer'.

Now, Hetalia volume 4 was released in Japan yesterday, and little preview images are making their way across the vast expanse of the internet... and the little chibis on the back are so damned cute! Anyway, Mikuru doesn't tag along in the original, but bringing Tino to the hospital would be too fun for me not to xD

Next chapter, cue the big meeting. And the fanfares. Fanfares are essential.

Until next time, do widzenia~


	75. Charmed V

Charmed At First Sight V - Sadly Mistaken

* * *

Francis had finished treatment already by the time we arrived at the hospital. They needed to keep him in for further checks, but it was just a minor injury so he'd be fine. Always reassuring.

Tino, Berwald and I made our way over to Francis' ward. We'd asked at the office first, it's not like we _magically_ knew which one he was on... well, I can't really say for Berwald, but I doubt Tino knew and I certainly didn't. It was a six-person ward, but Francis' was the only bed occupied.

'Ah, bonjour Norge!' Francis sat up straight. I noticed he was wearing the same kind of blue shirt thing I was in when I woke up... understandable, really, since it's the same hospital. 'What _remarkable_ timing you have. I've just finished treatment, but I need to stay the night to be sure. It was a neck injury, apparently.'

Well, it clearly wasn't a _mouth_ injury, since Francis could talk for hours... Also, what's with the stubble?

'Ah! Is that...' Francis trailed off, eyes wide open, staring at Berwald.

'Ja, this is Berwald. Thought it might cheer you up. And this is Tino.' Tino gave a little smile, but Francis completely ignored him.

'Berwald! At _last!_ I'm Francis, Francis Bonnefoy! I-'

'Excuse me?' Tino interrupted. 'Can I just make a _small_ point here..?'

Francis looked... _confused_. So much for this on-sight-petrification, I guess. It was as if he was trying to say something, but no words came out - still, he was _moving_, not frozen in place.

'I'll take that as a yes.' Tino leant upwards... and kissed Berwald on the cheek.

'E-eh! Uh...' Francis stuttered.

Berwald looked down at Tino, a hint of surprise on his normally-blank face.

'Oh, you are _silly_,' Tino laughed. 'I may not be your _wife_, but that doesn't mean I don't love you.'

Right in front of Francis, as well. Huh. I guess the subtlest forms of offence work best with things like this. Perhaps this is Tino's way of saying to Francis 'he's mine, back off, you _creepy_ pervert'.

In which case, Tino's officially awesome.

'...you _are_ Berwald, non?' Francis asked. Berwald nodded. '_Oh_...'

Francis looked incredibly depressed all of a sudden. Why? Berwald's right _there_, isn't he?

'...Norge?' Francis beckoned me over. 'I... there's something I need to say, so could you..?'

Given that he kept glancing over at Berwald, I figured there was something he wanted to say _without_ Berwald hearing.

'Berwald, Tino? Could you wait outside? I'll be a little while longer.' Tino nodded, and pulled Berwald out of the ward. I turned back to Francis. 'Right, what did you want to say?'

'That's... definitely Berwald, isn't it?'

'For the thirty-fourth time, ja.' I doubt there's anyone _quite_ like Berwald in the world that could pull off a decent impersonation. Granted, I've seen him acting completely differently; but that was an altered timeline, that doesn't count.

'...Oh. Oui, that's definitely Berwald, but...' Francis hung his head, deep in thought. 'I don't really know how to say this...'

He continued to think, making the occasional 'hmmmm' noise but never really getting anywhere with it. He ended up clutching his head as if he had a headache... and by that point I was getting _rather_ impatient.

'Look, either give me an answer or phone later.' I could hardly report back to Mathias like this, but sitting here and waiting wasn't going to turn anything major out.

'Ah... desolé...'

With Francis' apology, I left the ward, where Berwald and Tino were waiting, arm in arm. I think I mentioned during my narration for the movie, but these two make _such_ a cute couple. Together, we took another taxi back to the station café.

* * *

Mathias' and Eirikur's meeting seemed to have gone without incident. Looks like Eirikur is capable of keeping to himself... wait, when the heck did _I_ get so clingy? _Argh_. Anyway, the plans for the mountain trip had all been laid out, so we spent the coffee session going over them and making final arrangements.

I'd already paid off my 'debt' of three days' treating the Brigade to coffee, so for _once_ the bill was split between the five of us. My wallet was positively _rejoicing_.

With Brigade activities over for the day, I returned home to find my brother waving the phone at me. As expected, Francis had _finally_ found some words. Perhaps there was a dictionary on his ward? They're usually a good source of words.

'Evening, Francis.'

'Norge...' His voice came crackling through the phone, sounding just as depressed as earlier. 'Tell Berwald I want to cancel the wedding appointment.'

'Oh?' After such a _heartfelt_ letter, as well... 'Any particular reason? You said you'd been obsessing over Berwald for the last few months, and now you're just _dropping_ it?'

'I-I don't even understand myself, but... When he came to the hospital earlier, he didn't have that aura around him. He was just a normal person you'd find anywhere...'

Actually, nei, he's anything _but_ ordinary, but that's not the point.

'I think I was indeed in love with Berwald in the past, but I don't feel anything now. I was mistaken...'

Argh, so _annoying!_ I go through all that, and you decide you just don't _care_ any more?

'Then what was all that aura and freezing stuff about?'

'...Hallucinations.'

Of _course_. Of _bloody_ course.

'Fine, I'll tell him. I'm sure he won't be _too_ disappointed.'

'Ah, oui, he has Tino, of course... Oh, Norge..?'

'What?'

'I realised earlier... you have the most _gorgeous_ eyes...' Francis' voice had taken on a _really_ strange tone... ridiculously low- oh, I get it. The bastard's trying to flirt with me. _Now_ I remember why I avoided him at school.

I sighed loudly. 'Francis, your 'suave charm' won't work on me.'

And so... I hung up.

_Beep._

* * *

I didn't put the phone back straight away. Instead, I dialled another number, the number of an apartment I was _very_ familiar with by now.

So it was quite a shock when Berwald _wasn't_ the one that picked up the phone on the other end of the line.

'...Haloo?'

_Tino?_ What was _he_ doing over there..?

'Oh, it's you. Hallo. Is Berwald there?'

'Of course, I'll pass you over.' There was a fumble-y sort of noise, presumably the phone passing hands.

'...hallå?' Yep, that was Berwald, all right.

'Berwald, hallo. Is it ok if I come over?'

A pause. '...ja.'

Partly because it was easier to talk to Berwald, partly because _I_ didn't want to be blamed for the sudden rise in phone bill, and partly because it wasn't something I wanted to talk about when my brother was playing with Hanatamago just across the room.

Berwald hung up on the other end, so I took that as my cue to leave. I cycled up to the park near the apartment block... that park where I first talked to Berwald, the park where Tino and I ended up sleeping on each other at various points. I chained up my bike and made my way over to Berwald's apartment.

* * *

Berwald invited me in, and I fumbled with my shoes while he headed off to make coffee. Tino was _suspiciously_ absent...

He arrived at the table with two mugs, one of which I took and took a sip from. I _really_ need to find out what sort of coffee this is, it's delicious.

'Essentially, Francis has decided he's changed his mind.'

Berwald just stared. Why do I get the feeling _he_ had something to do with this?

'...Ok, tell me what you did. I highly doubt falling _out_ of love so quickly is natural. Especially after an injury like that.' Which I'm pretty sure _you_ caused.

'...'t wasn't me he fell'n love with. What he saw was th'Data Integration Thought Entity.'

Wait, _what?_ I guess that explains the aura stuff, but wha..?

'Francis Bonnefoy had th'ability to interact with th'Entity using me as'n interface. Couldn't handle it.'

'Then... he really _did_ freeze at the sight of you?' So it wasn't an exaggeration...

'Ja.'

'I see... And Francis being Francis, he thought he'd fallen in love. So you 'corrected' it during the football game, right?'

'...mm. Analysed th'abilities 'n deleted'm. Human brain can't understand th'Entity. He'd go crazy.'

Well, if Francis of all people would get _that_ obsessed, I dread to think what he'd be like given longer...

'Then... why did he have those abilities at all?'

'Same reason as Eirikur. Three years'go.' So what, he's some sort of pseudo-esper? _That_ must be why Eirikur described him as 'interesting'...

Ugh, Mathias, the messes you cause, even indirectly...

Still, it's no _major_ pity. Francis is back to his usual flirtatious, pervy self, and Berwald has Tino. Although... Didn't Tino say he wasn't allowed to... Eh, minor details, I guess. Future-Tino _did_ say he didn't particularly care for the regulations.

It's all sorted now, though.

* * *

A/N: Hooray for SuFin~ Finally, no more France! I'm not particularly fond of France, but he fit the role so well... Ah, at least he's back to normal, right? Onhonhon~

In unrelated news, I'll be at Manchester Expo at the end of the month! I'm cosplaying Viking Norway, so if you're going, look out for me~ [Seriously, Hima-sensei needs to do some Viking Era strips. The Nordics don't seem to show up much at all in Volume 4, so here's hoping for Volume 5 *shot'd* Ok, even just some blog sketches? Just... something.]

Next chapter will either be an omake or the beginning of the mountain trip.

Until next time, ciao~


	76. Omake II

Omake - Coffee Break

[Note - This omake is from Eirikur's perspective. Sorry about the sudden change, but this is while Norge, Tino and Berwald are visiting Francis at the hospital.]

* * *

There are three things that irritate me about Norge.

Firstly, it takes him _forever_ to realise his own thoughts.

Secondly, the majority of his conversations with me involve him making sarcastic comments at me.

And thirdly, I _finally_ find someone I like, and that bastard goes and takes him.

Admittedly this is partially my fault, for pointing out the times he and Mathias are _blatantly_ showing affection for each other, but that was before I figured myself out. I think it was during the concert where Mathias and Berwald were filling in for the incapacitated members of the band. Mathias was in that bunny butler suit... that quite frankly delicious suit, and I just... _knew_.

This, however, has very little to do with anything. I assume that Norge currently thinks I'm some kind of envy-driven monster, but unlike _some_ people I can keep that envy-driven monster under control.

Just keep a blank face and nod, like always.

That's my job. If I have to drop the image, it means we're in some _serious_ trouble.

* * *

'...Eirikur? Hej, you in there?'

I was awoken from my little daze by Mathias waving his hand in front of my face.

'Já, of course. Where were we?'

Which is a very good question. Mathias and I were seated in our usual positions at our usual coffee table in our usual café. The SOS Brigade truly has become a creature of routine. Ironic, considering what Mathias started it to do.

'Mountain trip, that's where!' Ah, of _course_. 'So, we're leaving on 30th, right? And you say you've got your group from the island who're going to meet us there?'

'Indeed.' I had arranged for Sadik Adnan and his associates to set up another mystery for us, if only to keep Mathias entertained.

I sometimes wish we didn't have to go to such measures to entertain such a simple mind.

'Right! So, uh... Where're we going to meet?' Mathias asked, before taking a drink from his half-empty coffee mug.

'Here's as good a place as any. Everyone knows their way here, and it's right next to the station.'

'Sounds like a plan!'

That would be because it _is_ a plan.

If I weren't a little scared of the consequences, I'd probably take this opportunity to say something. _Anything_. It's just Mathias and me in a café. Norge's visiting his _bizarre_ friend in hospital with Tino and Berwald.

The problem lies in the fact that Norge and the others will be coming back soon.

'Aah, it's so _quiet_ when those three aren't around...' Mathias mumbled to himself. 'When's Nor getting back..?'

I would very much have liked to say something about his _constant_ talking about Norge, but that would just irritate him. Instead, I simply agreed that já, it _was_ too quiet.

I wonder just how much easier life would be if I weren't tied to the Agency, tied to my job as an esper observing Mathias... Granted, without the Agency I wouldn't be here at all, but I do wonder sometimes.

_Sigh_... Keeping this image up is utterly soul-destroying.

I listened as Mathias jabbered on about not much. Moments like this are rare, so I sat opposite Mathias, sipped my coffee and listened.

Mathias has such a _lovely_ voice.

Norge, Tino and Berwald arrived in the café after not too long. Tino and Berwald seemed to be a little more _attached_ to each other than usual, and of course, now Norge was there, Mathias was all over him. Figuratively speaking.

I can't help but feel like a fifth wheel here.

* * *

...There are three things that irritate me about myself.

Firstly, I take _forever_ to realise my own feelings.

Secondly, the majority of my conversations with Norge involve me being a know-it-all smartass.

And thirdly, I finally find someone I like, and I can't do a _thing_ about it even if I wanted to.

* * *

A/N: Well, I thought it'd be interesting to get a slightly different perspective, and Eirikur doesn't seem to have an upcoming character arc, so while this may not be much, it's something... Tanigawa, y u forget Koizumi?

Eirikur is... far too level-headed and rational for his own good. [And yes, our snarky Norwegian gets his narrator position back next chapter xD]

Next chapter, the mountain trip begins! And I mean it this time.

Until next time, vertu sael~


	77. Snow Mountain I

Snow Mountain Syndrome I - Nordic Sparkle Party

* * *

I suppose after the chaos that was our island trip at the beginning of summer, it was bound to happen eventually.

The date was December 20th, and the location was the SOS Brigade clubroom. While the salmon was cooking over on that little stove Mathias acquired from _somewhere_... perhaps from Elisaveta's store, maybe? Anyway, while _that_ was cooking, I was awkwardly sat in a reindeer costume. It was... slightly ridiculous, but I cannot disobey our lord and master.

Speaking of our lord and master, Mathias had just started handing round pieces of paper.

'Ok, listen up, people! Like we planned, we're going to a lodge in the mountains for part two of our mystery trip thing!'

...So it's the island murder scenario, part two? Or the island murder scenario in an alternate universe? Perhaps it's an unrelated spinoff?

And, well, Mathias decided there would be a part two on the boat on the way back from the island. I'm certain he enjoyed _that_, and if it provides another distraction from subconsciously destroying the world I'm all for it.

Ah, I should probably mention, it wasn't _just_ the SOS Brigade in attendance at our Christmas party. We had a guest.

A guest who eats really, _really_ loudly.

'Mmph, these are delicious!' Gilbert tried to congratulate Mathias on his food through a mouthful of said food... Unfortunately I'm not fluent in the language of mouth-mostly-full-of-food, so I couldn't quite figure out what he said after that. Not until he finished his session of nommery.

Which should _definitely_ be a word.

'Ah, Tino, you look awesome as Santa! And you, Norge, that reindeer outfit is hilarious!'

...I'm glad I can provide some entertainment for your simple mind. Still, this is _infinitely_ preferable to Tino and Gilbert punching me in the face.

'So!' Mathias' loud voice cut through all the munching sounds, bringing everyone to attention. 'Thanks to Gilbert being stinking rich, we've got ourselves a definite place to stay!'

Ah, _that's_ why Gilbert's there. So you can scrounge off him. Good to see you're treating other people just as well as ever.

'Ja, you're lucky I could get that for you!' Gilbert laughed. 'See, normally my family'd be heading there for a winter holiday, but they're off to Germany on a business trip so the mansion's free!'

...Mansion. _What_. Just what do you have to _do_ to get your 'awesome' hands on so much money?

'So you can bet the awesome me will be coming along with you!'

_Wonderful_. The five of us and _Gilbert_. Isn't _this_ going to end well..?

I watched as Gilbert and Mathias engaged themselves in a furious eating contest. It's a wonder they haven't _inflated_ with all that food they're eating. I just dread to think what's going to happen when we get to the sweet stuff. After all, Mathias is the one doing the food, and the Danish are _notorious_ for their ridiculously fattening foods...

'We've got another mystery planned for you,' Eirikur muttered to me. 'It's all prearranged, we won't be springing it on you so suddenly this time. In fact, I've arranged to have the same crew taking part.'

'What, Sadik and that lot? Are they higher-ups in your Agency or something..?'

'...Let's call them actors I just happen to know.'

In other words, they _are_. Why can't you just tell me straight instead of dancing around the topic? Mathias is too busy eating to be taking any notice of what you're saying.

I glanced around the room. I was still a little concerned about Berwald, but he seemed to be perfectly fine... just sat there, munching away at Mathias' food in his usual rapid-fire way.

I just wish nothing would actually happen to overly burden Berwald on this trip. I know I've been relying on him _far_ too much, but he wasn't involved much with the island mystery. So hopefully, he won't be _too_ involved in this mystery. Best to leave all that to Eirikur and his probably-esper gang.

We'd be departing on December 30th, although the details hadn't been finalised yet. Knowing Mathias they'd _probably_ only get sorted the day before. Once there, the plan of action is to... ski. Lots. Then there'll be a party in the evening, in which Mathias will most likely end up _horrifically_ drunk. The day after, which would be New Year's Eve, is when the mystery situation is set up. Everyone takes a guess, then Eirikur reveals the answer as if he were reading instructions on how to put glasses on a stone statue... i.e. in the same slightly-irritated voice as ever. Then along comes another party. And probably fireworks.

'Hej, Nor!' ...I must have drifted off somewhere, because all of a sudden there was a Dane in my face. 'We've gotta celebrate the new year together, nej? I reckon next year's gonna be a great one!'

That... doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. And for once I agree with you. Next year should be pretty good.

'After all,' Mathias continued, taking a seat next to me, 'this year's been really interesting, so if we carry on the way we are, then next year'll be a good one!'

Hmm... interesting, you say? Even though you _personally_ haven't discovered any actual mysterious phenomena? That's... almost _reassuring_. If someone were to ask _me_ that question, I'd probably answer the same way. It's _definitely_ been an interesting year.

When I was younger, I used to dream about this kinda stuff. I kept to myself, so it was mostly just me and my imagination, and oh, the _adventures_ my imagination had... Then I got cynical and rejected all of that nonsense.

Now I've _got_ the interesting stuff, and I've kept the cynicism. Best of both worlds, nei?

Of course, keeping it all secret from Mathias has been difficult. All the ordeals he's unintentionally put me through, and some that he intentionally put me through, have more than once made me just want to scream at him... not that I could. I tried that once, and Mathias just got depressed. Which isn't the best idea ever.

'Oh yeah, Nor, sledge or ski?' Mathias asked. What a _stupid_ question. I'm Norwegian. I was _born_ with skis on my feet.

...Wait, wouldn't that be a bit painful for the mother..? Argh, metaphors are _stupid_.

'Ski, of course.'

I stood up from my seat when Mathias went to check on the salmon, and wandered over to the window. It was still snowing.

'Pretty, isn't it?' Tino commented, a smile adorning his cute face. 'I wonder if this snow is a good consistency for snowballing? That would be fun with everyone.'

'Mm.' Indeed it would, little Finnish time traveller.

'Hej, everyone!' Mathias shouted again. 'Salmon's ready!'

Right. _Food_ time.

* * *

A/N: ...Ok, ok, that should be enough of the salmon! This part, in case you hadn't guessed, takes place an hour or so after the end of Disappearance, so... yet more backtracking, I'm afraid. Still, at least this instance is intentional! [Nordic Nordic sparkle party~ Sparkle party, sparkle party~ *shot'd repeatedly*]

Actually, writing as Eirikur last chapter was quite interesting to do ^^ I'm tempted to do some more Disappearance!Alternate timeline-based chapters, perhaps as an entirely separate fic... if only to keep poor Ice happy. And it'd be fun.

Next chapter, they all set off for a big awesome house in the mountains! Yay!

Until next time, la revedere~ [Romania. New addition to the list of favourite characters. I'm sure he'll show up at some point, but then again...]


	78. Snow Mountain II

Snow Mountain Syndrome II - Choo-Choo Nap Time

* * *

The party seemed to go completely unnoticed by the school staff, luckily for us. After we cleared up, having completely finished that _delicious_ salmon, we gathered all the stuff and left. As soon as we left, it stopped snowing. _That_ was rather annoying.

Well, we spent a few days to ourselves for once, then on Christmas Eve we all descended on Berwald's apartment. Not because we felt for Berwald particularly, although I can say I was glad the Data Integration Thought Entity had decided _not_ to delete Berwald, but because Berwald's apartment was a place where we could go as crazy as we wanted without being restricted by parents or siblings. That, and there was loads and _loads_ of food. Eirikur was the one who got the almond, so Mathias gave him a little marzipan bunny as the prize.

...Shame. I would have quite liked a bunny like that.

Anyway, after that came the whole Francis incident. During that I was persistently reminded by my _darling_ mother that my grades needed to improve or I'd be on the first train to a crappy life. See, if the SOS Brigade did some vaguely 'useful' stuff I'd have an excuse, but since we pretty much just mess around and occasionally save the world under everyone's noses, then never get thanked for it, I don't. Funny how things work.

And so... Along came the 30th, sneaking up behind me and shouting 'BOO!' when I least expected it. I found myself standing outside the station café at a ridiculous time in the morning, surrounded by the Brigade, Gilbert, and lots of luggage.

Oh, and my brother and Hanatamago as well. Once _again_, the little brat had managed to stow away with us.

I had been ordered by Eirikur that I needed to bring Hanatamago for some _strange_ reason, and, well... I've mentioned enough that my brother loves playing with the poor dog, so imagine his horror to wake up this morning to find that I'd _kidnapped_ his main source of amusement. Mathias didn't have a problem with bringing my little brother along, so along he came.

At least Tino and Berwald had agreed to look after him. What a cute little family they'd make. In fact, they _do_ - we proved that in the movie.

'Ok! Let's go!' Mathias yelled to nobody in particular. 'The forecast's great for skiing!'

And since when have weather forecasts been _accurate?_ You may as well get a _blind_ person to play darts and you'd get a decent forecast accuracy.

Under Mathias' orders, off we went, into the station. Luckily the only addition was my brother, and unlike the rest of us he could still _legally_ use a child's fare.

Once we were on the train, nobody calmed down... Mathias, Gilbert and my brother were all rather hyperactive, and Tino was quite excited about the trip as well. Berwald? Don't be silly, Berwald had his face buried in a book. Although I think I saw a flicker of _something_ in his face. There wasn't enough room for all of us to get a seat each at the table, so my brother ended up sitting on Tino.

The others quickly began a game of UNO, but despite Mathias' insistence I didn't _particularly_ feel like playing. To be honest, I ended up falling asleep, head on Mathias' arm. Which was surprisingly comfortable.

* * *

I was awoken a few hours later by a sharp poke in the arm. I opened my eyes to find a mass of blond and blue in front of me. Then my eyes decided to work properly, and it was just Mathias. Heh. Should have guessed, really.

'Nor, slacking off again?' he laughed. 'So _lazy!_ Come on, we're here!'

..._Lazy?_ Oh yeah, I seem to be making a habit of taking naps on transport. I fell asleep on the boat to the island, didn't I?

'...I was considering just _leaving_ you there to teach you a lesson, but then I decided the trip wouldn't be much fun without you around!'

'Good to hear you hold me in such _high_ regard.' Mathias and I made our way off the train, where we were greeted by none other than Yekaterina and Natalia.

Oh, _brilliant_.

'A-ah, welcome, everyone!' Yekaterina greeted us with a smile, while Natalia just glared at everyone. It seems to be her default expression. 'You must be tired, sorry...'

...What's she apologising for?

'Not at all, sorry to keep you waiting.' Eirikur moved over to where the two women were standing. 'Gilbert, this is Yekaterina Braginskaya and Natalia Arlovskaya. They're friends of mine, and they'll be assisting with the dining arrangements.'

Oh, of course, Gilbert hasn't met either of them yet. The rest of us know them from the island, but Gilbert wasn't there then. In any case, they didn't look any different to the way they did back on the island. Aren't they _cold?_ I just hope Natalia didn't bring that knife of hers.

'Hallo! Gilbert Beilschmidt, and my family own the man... sion...' Gilbert's voice trailed off as his eyes dropped downwards from Yekaterina's face. _What?_ Was her chest _really_ that interesting?

...Ok, it's _huge_, but staring's incredibly rude.

'Hej, good to see you two again!' Mathias stepped forward, idiotic grin plastered on his face. 'That storm in the summer kinda ruined it, so this one'd better be good! And we've got Gil this time, so it should be even better!'

Gil? Pfft, _syllables_. Who needs them?

I glanced up at the sky. The weather was perfectly clear, the same shade of blue as Mathias' eyes. It didn't _look_ like there would be any chance of a storm in the near future.

...Or at least, it didn't at the time.

* * *

We took two 4x4s to the mansion. Yekaterina drove Tino, Berwald, Eirikur and my brother, while Mathias, Gilbert and I were driven by Natalia. The air in our 4x4 was rather... _tense_, but luckily for me the landscapes covered in snow were interesting enough to watch. The journey took roughly a quarter of an hour, since it wasn't too far from the station to Gilbert's mansion.

'There it is!' Gilbert pointed to a really, _really_ huge mansion not too far ahead of us. 'Awesome, isn't it? Actually, it's one of our smaller ones, but it's great just to come out here sometimes!'

_Smaller ones?_ Filthy stinking rich _bastard_. Paint my face blue and draw squiggly lines above my head, anime-style.

Once we were all out of the 4x4s, Natalia and Yekaterina led us all to the mansion's entrance. It looked rather impressive from a distance, and even more impressive up close. Seemingly, the two women had been granted entrance a day before we arrived, since they already had a key. Were the Beilschmidt family _really_ that relaxed about all this?

Just as I entered the mansion, glad to be out of the cold snow-

I felt something. I don't really know what it was. It felt kinda like a premonition... like the déjà vu from summer, only without the actual déjà vu bit. So... not really like it at all, but be quiet and stop picking holes in my analogies.

And I don't know _why_ I felt it, either. Mathias was showering Gilbert with praise over the fancy manor, Eirikur was busy talking to Yekaterina and Natalia, Tino and my brother were playing with the now-awake Hanatamago... and Berwald was staring outside.

The sky was still clear. Nothing seemed out of place. We could just spend a few days relaxing out here in the mountains, do the mystery thing Eirikur's planned for us, then go home. Simple, nei?

...So why was I feeling so _nervous_ about it?

It's not like Mathias is going to create closed space while we're out here, he already _knows_ this murder's not going to be real. Eirikur doesn't have any power here anyway, and there shouldn't be a need for Berwald or Tino to intervene, but...

Huh. Maybe I'm just going crazy.

* * *

Gilbert led us upstairs to the bedrooms. He showed the five of us to our individual rooms, but there appeared to be some sort of problem.

'Uh, Norge?' he asked. 'Your brother, where's he going to sleep? I mean, he could have a room to himself, but won't he get lonely..?'

Why's _he_ so concerned about _my_ little brother?

'Hey, I want to sleep with Tino!' my brother piped up all of a sudden, and without giving anyone a chance to respond snuck his way into Tino's bedroom.

...I guess that solves _that_ problem. I suppose Hanatamago will be staying in there as well. Not that the dog would be much of a problem, she just sleeps most of the day anyway. Lazy little fluffball, she is.

I carried my luggage into my allocated bedroom and placed it on the floor next to my bed. It was a decent-sized room, a little bigger than my bedroom at home.

I would have _loved_ to carry on my nap from earlier, but Mathias insisted that I couldn't.

'Nor, you're so lazy! Come on, we're going skiing, remember?'

...Of _course_ I remember.

_Sigh_... I guess I can rest later.

* * *

A/N: ...Gilbert, you pervert. And ah, the innocence of little children. Back when sleeping actually meant sleeping. Not fucking.

In other completely-unrelated news, I'm actually really looking forward to doing some of the much-later chapters. [...I really am just going to keep going until I drop, aren't I? Is that really a good thing..?] Wa-wa-wa-wasuremono...

Next chapter, Norge gets a chance to use those skis he was born with. He also invented the oil, and likes fish and potatoes *shot'd* Then it all kinda... goes splat.

Until next time, do pobachyennyar~ *boing*


	79. Snow Mountain III

Snow Mountain Syndrome III - Giant Snowstorm From Nowhere

* * *

Eirikur had managed to rent ski suits for all of us, and it was a _little_ creepy just how well they fit. Even for my brother, who wasn't even _supposed_ to be here at all.

...Most _definitely_ not a stalker or anything. Nah, it was clearly just a coincidence.

'Ah... I haven't skied in forever!' Mathias emerged from the mansion, being the last one out, fully kitted out in ski gear, and came over to join the rest of us. 'See, Denmark's kinda flat, so we used to take trips over to Sweden sometimes just to go skiing. It was great fun!'

Oh, the foolishness of those from the lowlands, who know not the perils of snow... in other words, Mathias is being himself.

Now that everyone was ready, we made our way over to the slopes. There were surprisingly few people around, certainly much fewer than I was expecting. Where _was_ everyone? I asked Gilbert that exact question.

'Haha, only a few people know about this place. It was private until a few years ago, and it's a pretty tricky course!'

...Figures.

'Hej, Nor!' Mathias called me over. 'Which course are we going on?'

'Don't really care. Whichever one you want.'

'Ok, expert course it is then! He_he!_' And with a grin on his face the size of Jutland, Mathias grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to the lifts. Eirikur quickly followed, and once Tino noticed he motioned for Berwald to follow. Looks like it's be a Brigade excursion up the mountain...

From the looks of things, Gilbert had taken it on himself to teach my brother how to ski better. See, my brother's only twelve, so he's not quite used to gliding down the hill as well as the rest of us. That worked out well for us, as that way the Brigade can stick together. And you never know, we might just come back and find a magnificent array of snowmen. My brother loves building snowmen.

I'll have to remember to thank Gilbert for taking care of my little brother later. Because no matter how much everyone seems to love him, he's annoying as _hell_ to me.

We took our positions on the ski lift, and it carried the five of us up to the top of the mountain. Well, not the top, but pretty close.

'Ok, everyone,' Mathias addressed the entire Brigade on the way up there, 'I'm making this a contest! First one to reach the foothills gets the title of General Winter!'

...General Winter? This is _Scandinavia_, not Siberia. No doubt we'd only end the contest when _Mathias_ emerged victorious...

Sure enough, once I skied my way back down to the base of the slope, Gilbert and my brother had rolled one big snowball to use as the lower part of the snowman, and were halfway through making the head. Tino didn't come back up for the second round of the ski contest, preferring to help my brother with the snowman's head.

We continued skiing for quite a while, the snowmen becoming more and more pronounced with every trip down the slope. Eirikur picked up a large stone from somewhere and placed it on the fourth snowman's face as a nose. Gilbert's laughs of enjoyment echoed around the mountain. Got quite a voice, he has.

And _that_ would be the last memory I had of Gilbert and my brother for a while...

How many turns had we done now? It didn't look like we'd be ending any time soon, so the five of us took yet another trip up to the not-quite-top of the mountain. We set off together-

and suddenly found ourselves in the middle of a thick blizzard.

* * *

It came from nowhere, seemingly. One moment, clear skies and enjoyment, the next moment our faces were being _frozen_ off. I couldn't see beyond a metre in front of me. Where did _this_ come from? Had we skied off the edge of the world and fallen into _Niflheim?_

'..._Lort_.' I heard Mathias' voice somewhere in front of me. 'Can't see a _damn_ thing!'

Good to know your powers of observation are just as good as ever, _idiot_.

'It's strange, já... We should be at the base of the mountain, shouldn't we?' Eirikur's voice came from somewhere to my left.

Berwald was just in front of me, so I followed his silhouette down the hill. The cold was biting at any skin that was exposed, which was most of my face. If we can't get out of this sudden storm... are we just going to _freeze?_

...I got the rather unpleasant image of the five of us as frozen corpses, only thawing out in the heat of summer. _Bad_ person, don't think of_ that!_

Still, if we keep going, we'll get somewhere... won't we? Berwald led the way, the Brigade having gathered together by the sound of each others' voices. I just hope we don't find any hidden cliffs or crash into any snow-covered trees. Because then we'd kinda be dead. And what about my brother and Gilbert? Would _they_ be ok?

I trusted Berwald. If _anyone_ was going to get us out of this freak storm, it would be him. Yet after several minutes of skiing, we didn't seem to be making any progress at all. What exactly was going on here?

'_Argh_, why aren't we getting anywhere?' Mathias groaned, irritated from this weird weather. 'I guess we'll just have to dig a hole and hide until the storm blows over...'

'Nei, don't do that _just_ yet.' I moved closer to Berwald and lowered my voice so Mathias wouldn't be able to hear. '...What's going on?'

'...dunno.'

The one word I had hoped _never_ to hear from Berwald's mouth. If _he_ doesn't know, then we're all professionally fucked.

'D'mensional coordinates say we should be back where we started, but...' Berwald paused for a moment. This was _seriously_ worrying. 'This's beyond th'control of m'abilities.'

This is beyond even _Berwald?_ I know I shouldn't rely on him so much, but _really_... Perhaps _that_ explains the strange feelings I had earlier?

None of us were wearing watches, and all of our phones are back at the mansion, so there was _no_ way of contacting anyone and no way of knowing the time.

I know we left the mansion at three, but we've been skiing for _quite_ a long time, I think. The sky was getting a little dark before the storm anyway, and the sudden wall of cloud meant seeing the sun was out of the question.

Cloud... the cloud layer was _really_ thick... and dark, too... It reminded me a lot of closed space. Oh, Mathias, you _didn't_, did you?

He _can't_ have done, he was too cheerful before the storm-

'_Ah!_' A sudden shout from my right startled me to the point of accidentally biting my tongue, filling my mouth with the taste of blood. What the _hell_, Mathias?

'_What?_ What are you shouting for?'

'Right ahead of us!' Mathias pointed towards... a _light!_ 'Can you see it?'

'Ja, I see it! What _is_ it?'

It was a faint glow, but nonetheless it was progress. A light meant there might be someone around who can get us _out_ of this horrendous weather.

'It could be a window!' Mathias yelled back at me. 'Window means house! Everyone, let's go over that way!'

Without bothering to listen to any responses, Mathias ploughed ahead towards the glow. Not wanting to lose Mathias in the blizzard, I followed his path, as did the rest of the Brigade.

* * *

As we approached, the light came into focus a little more, and it became clear that it was indeed a window. How did Mathias have such good eyesight?

The window was attached to a rather large house, not unlike Gilbert's mansion. In fact, probably about the same size, if not _bigger_. I don't remember seeing this at _all_ when the weather was clear... where did it come from?

Right, so a freak storm comes the _heck_ out of nowhere. We're the unfortunate victims of said storm, and we suddenly find a big mansion - in fact, up close it resembles a _castle_ more than a mansion - which I hadn't seen before, after following a really faint light. All we need now is a villain, some sort of monster, and that'll round off the situation nicely. One typical mystery package.

Mathias made his way to the front door of the manor-castle-thing. The rest of us huddled around him to keep the wind off our faces.

'_Hej?_' Mathias yelled, bashing his fist on the door. 'Anyone there?'

...Silence, aside from the sound of the wind.

It feels as if this was placed here just for us. It'd be _great_ if Yekaterina opened the door... hell, even _Natalia_ would be good right now. Still, this doesn't seem like one of Eirikur's little plot twists. I doubt he'd manage to conjure up this storm, certainly not one beyond the range of Berwald's abilities.

'We're _lost_ out here, let us in! We'll _die_ out here!' Mathias continued, at a volume comparable to an entire battlefield. If he'd shouted this loudly at home, the neighbours would be up in arms in seconds. Then we'd have a _real_ battlefield on our hands, which probably isn't the best idea.

'Nobody's home.'

'Well, _duh_.' Mathias stopped pounding on the door and turned to look at me, a slightly distressed look on his face. '_Now_ what?'

'I don't know. Maybe there's a shed around somewhere we could use for shelter-' I started, but Mathias didn't seem to be listening, despite having _asked_ for my opinion. It's so _annoying_ when he does that.

Mathias grabbed the door handle encrusted with ice, gave the Brigade one last look... and turned it.

Perhaps I should have stopped him, there was something _really_ not right with all this... but it was too late.

As if the mansion was opening its mouth, the door opened.

* * *

A/N: Dun dun duuuun! Something happening! [I've recently got myself a Tumblr, and I'll be posting updates there too. Along with little random facts about the characters that haven't found their way into the fic yet. Like my dA, the link is in my profile.]

This chapter brought to you by endless repeats of Chameleon Circuit's new album. It's bloody addictive xD Yay for Time Lord Rock!

Next chapter, the Brigade explore the mysterious mansion... and damn, is it weird.

Until next time, adios~


	80. Snow Mountain IV

Snow Mountain Syndrome IV - Mr Tumnus Is Lonely

* * *

The entrance hall was lit by an electric chandelier. It was a pretty grand-looking room, matching the building's exterior... Though, if you're going to build a big house like this, why in the mountains where it's going to have horrendous storms like _that?_

We all made our way inside, removing our skis and leaving them by the door. Eirikur shut the door once we were all in, giving us at least _some_ relief from the bitter cold.

'The door was unlocked, huh...' Mathias mused to himself, before taking a deep breath and shouting again. 'Anyone there? We're intruding!'

_Why_ does Mathias feel the need to announce the fact that he's forcing his way in? He's done it at _least_ twice before...

Pretty soon, the warmth of the house got to us, and melted snow began dripping off our jackets. From the lack of response, it seemed reasonable to assume that there wasn't anyone apart from us in the mansion... so why was the door unlocked? Not that I'm complaining, it's great to get out of the cold, but still...

Also, this building looks suspiciously haunted-house-like. See the ghosts. It's ok as long as there aren't any angry nisse waiting to trip us up...

'I'm going to have a look,' Mathias announced, taking his jacket off and throwing it carelessly to the floor. 'We _are_ kinda trespassing, so you stay here and I'll see if I can find anyone.'

With his boots removed, Mathias was about to leave, when I called out to stop him.

'Wait.' Mathias turned to look back at me. 'I'll come. _Someone's_ got to keep you under control.'

Mathias just laughed. 'Ok, Nor, you can come along too. You three stay here, ok?'

Eirikur and Tino nodded. Berwald didn't move, unsurprisingly... Eirikur gave me a look that said he was thinking the same thing as me.

There wouldn't be _anyone_ in the house.

* * *

The building was split over several floors, connected by a large flight of stairs at one end of the hall. Mathias and I made our way to the top floor first. There was a corridor leading away from the staircase, which we followed. On either side of us were a series of wooden doors. Mathias opened the closest one to the stairs, revealing a hotel-style bedroom.

Since there were so many rooms, we couldn't _possibly_ look in them all, so we took a random selection. We found nobody, of course. Mathias felt the need to shout 'Anyone there?' really loudly on every new floor. I'm surprised I wasn't _deaf_ after two floors' worth of that...

I think it was on the fourth floor that Mathias started a conversation.

'This is like when we went looking for that boat on the island, isn't it?'

'Yeah...' There's bad weather, and nobody seems to have a clue what's going on. Except _this_ time you're not dragging me down a dangerously narrow cliff path. But the sentiment's still the same.

'Hej... Nor?' Mathias put one arm around me as we continued walking down the corridor. 'I... uh... a few days ago...'

'What?'

'Sorry.'

'For what..?'

'The whole letter thing.' Mathias gave a weak laugh. 'I... guess I wasn't thinking.'

'You rarely _ever_ think.' I gave Mathias a small, playful push.

'Heh, that's me!' ...That wasn't _meant_ to be a compliment, although it's not like I was trying to insult him. It'd never get through that skull of his anyway. 'But ja, I probably should have known better than to think something like that. Hehe, you'd never get past Tino anyway!'

'...You're talking as if I'd be _interested_ in doing that anyway.'

'Eh?'

I sighed. This was _always_ awkward to explain. Still, it'd be better to do it _now_ than later, when Mathias might start... _expecting_ things from me... 'People generally... find other people attractive, right? I-in a sexual way, I mean.'

'...Yeah? '

'I _don't_.'

Mathias stopped walking, a confused expression on his face- actually, not so much confused as... _intrigued_. '...Hm?'

I figured I ought to continue, but I looked away, struggling to find the words. 'Essentially, I... I can still... fall in love with people, just not in a sexual way. It's... uh...' _Argh_, what am I saying?

'...You mean you're asexual?' Mathias asked.

'_Ja!_' Back to Mathias... who was wearing a small smile on his face. 'You've _heard_ of it?'

Not that I talk to many people anyway, but with everyone else I've mentioned this... _thing_ to, I ended up giving a ridiculously long explanation. If Mathias knows already, that saves me _so_ much speech.

'Hej, you heard all those rumours, didn't ya?' he laughed. 'I dated _everyone_, remember? You tend to meet a whole bunch of different people when that happens, and one of _them_ was ace.'

Heh, what are the chances? Still, it's _such_ a relief... I hadn't really been thinking about it much, to be honest, but the whole Francis incident and his sharp contrast to my way of thinking brought it out from the depths of my mind.

'You don't... _mind_, do you..?' I asked.

'What do _you_ think, Nor?' Mathias moved closer and put his arms around me in a hug. 'We're mentally ill together, and that's how it's going to stay.'

...Different conditions, but still locked up in the same mental asylum? Something like that. Which, when you think about it, _probably_ isn't the best metaphor to use.

I breathed a sigh of relief. 'Takk.'

'Now, let's see if we can find anything.'

Arm-in-arm, we continued along the corridor and carried on searching for anyone, _anything_ that might help us.

* * *

We arrived back downstairs, having found absolutely _nothing_, and were greeted by three... three faces with _wildly_ different expressions. Tino appeared to have fallen asleep on Berwald's shoulder. Berwald himself was sat up against the wall with the same blank face as ever. Eirikur... looked almost _angry_. Why? What had we done _this_ time?

'Had _fun_ without us?'

'Ja, _lots_ of fun. Thought we'd have a little _party_ by ourselves and not invite you. You _idiot_.'

Eirikur sighed. '..._Good_. Norge, can I speak to you a moment?'

Mathias took that moment to go and wake Tino up, which Eirikur seemed relieved about. If it was something Mathias wasn't supposed to hear... uh-oh. That's _not_ good.

'Norge... how long do you think you were gone for?'

Well, that's a _silly_ question. None of us have any method of timekeeping, so I don't really know. 'At a guess... about half an hour?'

Ok, I took a _little_ time to explain myself, but it wasn't _too_ long...

Eirikur glanced off to the side. '...I thought you'd say something like that.'

'Why?'

'Because from our perspective, you and your _boyfriend_ were gone for three hours.'

_...Wha?_

'Three _hours?_ How does that work?'

'Berwald said so, and I trust his timekeeping abilities. You were gone for a _hell_ of a long time, so I thought I'd test a theory. I sent Berwald off round a corner and asked him to time ten minutes for us. Tino and I both timed him by counting, but we'd barely crossed the two-hundred mark when he came back.'

Two hundred seconds... that's what, over three minutes? I'm _sure_ there's a perfectly logical explanation for this, but _I_ probably wouldn't get it.

'So... time flows differently in different parts of the mansion, then?'

'Já, that's what it seems like. It'd be best if we stay as a group from now on, or time is just going to get even more messed-up.'

'Good idea, _Deputy Chief_.'

'...You have to wonder, though... was time doing that _before_ we got here? Is this something to do with that blizzard raging outside?'

'No idea.' My brain's kinda fried at the moment, I don't need all this wibbly-wobbly stuff screwing with it...

'After I'd tested my theory, the three of us had a group meeting. Tino couldn't come up with anything, said it wasn't something he knew about.'

...You'd think he'd be useful, being a time traveller, but apparently not. What about Berwald?

'Berwald didn't say anything. The only response I got from him at all was a nod when I asked if he'd definitely been gone for ten minutes.'

'Huh-'

'_Nor!_' Mathias' shout cut me off. 'Report to everyone!'

Can't you do it _yourself?_ You traipsed around upstairs with me, you were there...

'Right, we went round all the upstairs rooms,' Mathias started, 'and it's nothing but bedrooms from about two floors up. We looked for telephones too...'

He looked over at me expectantly. Ugh, _fine_, I'll do it.

'...And there weren't any. No phones, no TV, no radio, no nothing. We're _completely_ cut off.'

'I see...' Eirikur nodded, deep in thought. 'Did you actually check _this_ floor?'

'Not yet.'

'There could be something on this floor that you didn't find upstairs.'

'Great idea, Eirikur! Let's check this floor!' And with that sudden display of enthusiasm, Mathias marched out of the entrance hall.

_Good grief._

* * *

A/N: Chapter 80! *dies of shock* How has this... this thing evolved into this monster? [...Why was this such an awkward chapter to write..? I dunno. The seemingly random title comes from a wonderful line I heard... _somewhere_, 'so far in the closet I'm having tea with Mr Tumnus'. Logic ensued.]

Trying to put Itsuki's complicated explanations into standard English as opposed to technobabble is tricky. I'm trying, but if it gets too confusing, there's a little review button down there somewhere. [...Not that you have to wait until then, but let me know and I can cut down on the nonsense.]

Next chapter, they're still in the big house. What? They're not getting out that easily. Muahahaha.

Until next time, dovíždane~


	81. Snow Mountain V

Snow Mountain Syndrome V - Nobody Expects The Icelandic Inquisition

* * *

We eventually settled in the dining hall, having found... once again, absolutely nothing. The hall was even more decorated than the entrance... if that's even possible. Still, after all that searching, and that freak storm, the coffee Tino served us was much welcomed.

'So there really isn't anyone here...' Mathias thought out loud over a mug of coffee. 'And leaving all the lights on, as well... It's such a waste of energy!'

..._That's_ your main priority? We've just searched the _entirety_ of the ground floor, and you're complaining about wasted electricity?

'But ya know, for an abandoned house, there's a _lot_ of food in good condition. Where did everyone go?'

'Perhaps,' Eirikur started, placing his coffee mug down on the table in the centre of the room, 'they went out to get something, and couldn't get back due to this storm. When this stops, perhaps they'll come back. I'm sure they'd understand the situation and forgive us.'

'Yeah!' Mathias nodded. 'Maybe they built this place as a refuge for lost skiers!'

'...Then why are there no phones? Idiot.'

This place is beyond huge. There's not so much as a wire anywhere. If this is some sort of refuge, they've _clearly_ broken all the building regulations.

'Dunno... Hej, I'm hungry. Tino, come help me make food!' Without waiting for a response, Mathias grabbed Tino by the wrist and pulled him off into the kitchen. I kinda felt sorry for Tino, but with Eirikur's time-out-of-whack theory playing on my mind it was _probably_ a good time to have Mathias out of the way...

All this secretive stuff is getting a little annoying.

'Berwald?' I looked over at the Swedish alien, sat motionless at the end of the table. 'What _is_ this place exactly?'

'...s'gnificant stress for me.' He didn't look up at me, just mumbled an answer.

'What's _that_ supposed to mean? If it's troubling you, can't you tell your Entity thing to give us a hand?'

His eyes finally met mine. '...can't. Connection t'Data Integration Thought Entity lost.'

He said it so casually, I almost missed what he said. I don't claim to be an expert on Humanoid Interfaces, but suddenly losing connection like that is probably a _very_ bad thing. 'When did this happen..?'

'Six hours'n thirteen minutes ago from my perspective.' Wait, we haven't been here _that_ long- oh, of course, screwy time. So that would be... what? 'From the moment we entered th'blizzard.'

...then... what the hell? Is this some little forgotten pocket of the universe where the Entity whatchamaflip can't reach?

Why didn't he say anything to us..? Granted, Mathias was still within earshot, and Berwald's naturally a silent person, but _some_ kind of hint would have been nice...

'So what, this is some kind of alternate space?'

Berwald hung his head slightly, reminding me a little of the human Berwald.

'...dunno.'

Great. Just _great_. If _Berwald_ didn't know what this was, we were stuffed. Like a cushion, only less fluffy. And certainly not a comfortable one. In fact, not like a cushion at all. More like a bag made of sandpaper being stuffed with rocks. Something like that.

Time to ask another member of the SOS Brigade if he knew anything...

'Well?' I turned to face Eirikur. 'Your thoughts?'

'Why do you assume _I'm_ going to be any help? I know no more about this than you.'

'Oh, come on. Aren't alternate spaces supposed to be your speciality?'

'This isn't one of Mathias' spaces, though.'

Then you _do_ know more about this than me, you liar.

'Sure about that?'

'Positive. It doesn't smell right. Besides, _you_ seem to know him well. Do you think he'd _want_ something like this to happen?'

Fair point, but I still wouldn't be surprised if a Celestial suddenly bashed the wall down.

'If it wasn't Mathias, who did it?'

Eirikur merely shrugged. Oh, the mystery. It's so tense in here, something might snap. Preferably not the table, or the remaining coffee would spill everywhere, and that's a waste of coffee.

'Hej!' A loud shout from the kitchen broke our awkward silence as Mathias burst back into the dining hall, carrying a full plate of sandwiches. 'Sorry to keep you waiting!'

...We weren't waiting. To us, it's been about five minutes. But from the sheer amount of sandwiches - oh, here comes Tino with another plate completely full - this all must have taken at least half an hour to do. And, all things considered, these were pretty good sandwiches.

Now, right now I suppose I ought to be thinking of what to do in this situation, but there was something else nibbling away at the back of my mind like a mouse in a cereal box. Something I hadn't mentioned to Eirikur or Tino yet, and something Mathias _definitely_ shouldn't know about.

I still needed to go back and save myself from Ivan Braginsky.

Why was it bothering me? Well... we _really_ needed to get out of this situation. Otherwise, if _that_ never happens, I die. It's quite simple, and actually damned frightening when I think about it like that.

On the other hand, I _definitely_ saw Berwald, Tino and myself that night, so I'm pretty sure at least the three of us will get out. That, and there's no way I'll let Mathias and Eirikur stay here without us. If we get out, we get out _together_.

Back to the present, though, and while everyone seemed to be enjoying the sandwiches, filled with a whole range of _bizarre_ things, there was something... odd. Normally, Berwald would be eating like he'd been starved for the last few weeks, but he was eating _slowly_. That's not normal for Berwald, not in the slightest.

There must be something _seriously_ wrong.

* * *

I don't know how long we were eating for. Then again, with time going as screwy as it was it didn't really matter. Could have been seconds, could have been hours.

In any case, it was when Mathias had finished eating that he announced his decision.

'There was a little sauna room somewhere on this floor. Off we go!'

...What, just like _that?_ Oh, of course, if nobody objects there are no objections to be made and the idea is universally approved. How silly of me to forget.

'I don't think there's enough room for all of us to squeeze in at once, so we'll have to take turns, ok?'

I suppose at least with everyone confused, it's a good thing that _someone_ can take charge. Never know, while Mathias is directing, someone might come up with something.

'Hang on, Mathias, wouldn't it be better if we decide where we're sleeping first?' I dunno about anyone else, but I'm absolutely shattered. The best option given the situation would _probably_ be to all sleep in the same room, but that idea would get shot down before anyone even suggested it to Mathias.

'Hmm, good idea. Any preference? The rooms are all the same, before anyone asks.' Mathias stood up from his seat at the table and began pacing.

'...Somewhere reasonably close together?'

'Ok... second floor, then.'

Mathias led us all upstairs. We moved our jackets from lying haphazardly in the entrance hall to a small room off to the side, if only so nobody tripped over them. Because _someone_ would.

We ended up selecting the five rooms closest to the staircase, so that we could get downstairs and explain the moment the owner returned. _If_ they did, of course. It ended up as Mathias, Tino and Eirikur on one side of the corridor, and Berwald and me on the other. Mathias' room was directly opposite mine.

Since nobody had any luggage to sort out, we met back in the corridor almost immediately after, at which point Mathias grabbed me and Eirikur and pulled us both back downstairs. Apparently we'd been nominated for the _honour_ of sharing a sauna room with the Great Mathias Køhler.

Not that it really matters to _me_, of course.

* * *

'...Nor?' Mathias asked, as the three of us sat in the steaming room. 'What's up with Berwald?'

He noticed? Huh. Never expected him to be so _perceptive_. Still, I can't exactly tell him the truth, can I? Oh, sure, he rewrote the whole bloody universe because he developed emotions, and that French pervert got _mindfucked_ by seeing the Data Entity thing through him. _Exactly_ the sort of thing I'm supposed to be withholding...

'...Nothing. Why?'

'Hej, no lying. You've been paying an awful lot of attention to him lately. What is it?'

'Have I? Can't say I've noticed.'

'_You_ noticed, didn't you, Eirikur?' Mathias turned his attention to the mop of silver hair curled up next to him.

'...Mm? Maybe I did, maybe not.' Come to think of it, why _is_ Eirikur curled up like that? Ok, sure, nobody's wearing anything, but that's _kinda_ the point.

'Argh, _you're_ no use. Nor... Berwald's changed a bit, hasn't he?'

Uh... come up with something, come up with something...

'Um... Berwald... has had some problems recently. He... came to me to talk about it.'

Mathias looked sceptical. 'Why'd he come to _you?_ What's wrong with me... or Tino?'

'What _isn't_ wrong with you... D'you know why Berwald lives by himself?'

If all else fails, distraction. Sure, it's a _rubbish_ argument, but it works, nei?

'Uh... nej? Family reasons?'

'...Sort of.' Well, technically. It's more a _lack_ of family, but that's not the point. 'Actually, that's part of the problem. Basically, Berwald might be forced to move somewhere else, maybe back to Sweden.'

'Seriously?' Mathias' eyebrows lowered a little. Half a year ago, I wouldn't have thought him capable of such... _concern_.

'Seriously. He'd much rather stay here until we all leave school, but if the family situation doesn't improve...' Or rather, if the Entity decide they're going to delete him after all, at which point I will become _severely_ pissed.

'Huh... That's even _more_ reason to tell me!' ..._must_ you raise your voice in such a small room? 'There's no _way_ I'd let such an important Brigade member leave just like that!'

'Yeah, you'd probably march straight over there and start yelling at them...' Which is quite an amusing image.

'Hehe, probably,' Mathias laughed.

'In any case, it's something Berwald wanted to sort out himself. He just wanted to talk to someone about it, and it was while I was in hospital so nobody else was there.'

'Hm... I guess that _is_ something Berwald'd do.'

_Phew_. He bought it. Lucky for _me_, since that was completely made up off the top of my head...

'Mathias, can I ask you _not_ to spread this? With any luck, Berwald'll still be sitting in the clubroom reading come next year.'

'Ok, sure!' Mathias flashed one of those grins at me.

'One last thing. If, by any chance, Berwald _does_ have to go, you can make as big a scene as you like and I'll be with you the whole way.'

'Huh... Ok!'

...Eirikur hadn't said a word during that _whole_ exchange. Rather, he'd turned away, still curled up. Doesn't that _kinda_ defeat the point of the sauna..?

Mathias sighed, loudly. 'Eh, I can't really take much more of this heat, I'm getting out. See ya later.'

And sure enough, out he got. Leaving me in a hot sauna with Eirikur. _Fun!_

* * *

'...Eirikur, _what_ are you doing?' I asked. Eirikur uncurled himself and sat up, glaring at me. _What?_ What did _I_ do?

'Nothing.'

'Good.'

...I'd make a comment about his particularly red face, but we're in a sauna, it's to be expected.

'Did you want something?' Eirikur asked, still making faces at me. The hell was his problem?

'Aside from you not being such a _douche_ all the time? _Actually_, I do.'

'...Is this something you need to keep secret from Mathias?'

'Ja, definitely. That's why I waited.'

Eirikur's expression softened a little. 'Go ahead then.'

I explained the recent situation with Mathias' disappearance, the alternate versions of the SOS Brigade, yet _another_ visit to Midsummer three years ago, Ivan Braginsky's revival, Future-Tino... oh, and that minor detail I mentioned earlier about still needing to go back and save myself. Naturally, I lightly skipped over alternate Eirikur and alternate Mathias being an item, for fear of inciting Eirikur's green-eyed monster. Because that's the _last_ thing I need.

'...I see. That's... _interesting_.'

Is that all the response you can muster? I'm disappointed. Am I not a particularly good storyteller? In which case, _sorry_...

'What do you mean by 'interesting'?'

'If what you're saying is true, it'd certainly support a theory of mine.'

'Of _course_ it's true. Why would I make all that up?'

'I don't know. Anyway, it seems Mathias' abilities are weakening, as are Berwald's data manipulation skills.'

...Wait, _wha?_ I gave Eirikur a funny look, and he just sighed and continued.

'Like I mentioned before Christmas, Mathias is creating fewer and fewer instances of closed space. And Berwald... He seems a whole lot less... _alien_, for want of a better word. They're both becoming more like ordinary guys. To me, that's the best development I could ask for. If Mathias accepts the world as it is, my mission is over. You say you need to return to the past to patch things up, right?'

'Ja.'

How does Eirikur find the words to keep talking for so long? It's a little annoying.

'Then you can be pretty sure _you'll_ escape this mansion.'

Funny, I had that _exact_ thought earlier. Espers, eh?

'Of course, there are other theories, much more pessimistic ones. It's... to put it in easily-understood terms, say you're playing an RPG. You come across a particularly difficult part. In which case, wouldn't it make sense to save beforehand?'

'_Obviously_, then if you die you can just go back and try again.'

'Precisely. Now apply this to our current situation. Somehow, the big game of Brigade life was saved before we headed into this storm, and we're just copies. You never know, there could be versions of us back at the lodge, partying away with Gilbert, your brother and my little band of actors.'

...I'm not sure I like your theory.

_Ah!_ A sudden feeling of... _something_ hit me. Kinda like those feelings during summer...

'...Eirikur, we haven't gone through any of this before, have we..?'

'What, stuck in a mansion in a blizzard? Not personally, nei.'

'I don't mean _that_...' Actually, what _do_ I mean? Argh, this is so confusing! I carried on thinking, but nothing came up. '...Never mind. Sorry.'

Eirikur gave me another strange look, but didn't press the matter.

'Back to our current situation. If _Berwald_ can't figure it out, and given how much stress he seems to be under, I think whoever did this must be even more powerful than the Data Integration Thought Entity. Hence the need to remove them from the picture.'

'Such as?' I raised an eyebrow. Eirikur kept coming up with these overly-complicated theories, and I didn't like them one bit.

'I don't know.'

'Well, aren't _you_ useful.'

'I try my best. But it's fairly logical, isn't it? Berwald is probably the most consciously powerful being in the SOS Brigade. Taking _him_ out establishes you as a valid threat. Perhaps it's another faction of the Entity, like the one Ivan Braginsky came from.'

I lowered my head slightly. The heat was starting to get to me. '...Could be.'

'In any case, I think the intention was to keep us all here. I mean, look at this mansion. There's food, empty bedrooms, a sauna... Everything we need except to escape.'

'There's no way I'm staying _here_ forever! _Lovely_ as this chilly weather may be, I have a family to get back to.'

Eirikur sighed again. '_Very_ reassuring to hear. I don't want to know what would happen if Mathias realised his abilities, but the mansion seems designed to _provoke_ him somehow... Like putting a videogame character through a training-from-hell sequence. You don't see anyone going to jail for overworking a fictional character, do you?'

'Not really.' Although I do feel a bit sorry for the endless Pokémon that are released for not being good enough by those obsessive competitive battlers... and if I'm not careful, my brother's going to end up as one of them. A battler, I mean, not a supposedly inferior Pokémon.

'Exactly. Whoever's doing this is treating us like videogame characters. Our main priority should be getting _out_ of this damned mansion.'

'Sounds fair. But right now, _my_ main priority is getting out of here before I melt.' Melting probably wasn't the best idea.

'Good idea.'

The two of us left the sauna room and grabbed some towels, calling Berwald and Tino down to let them in. I headed straight up to my room to get some clothes on.

* * *

Once that was done, I met up with Mathias down in the dining room. He seemed annoyed that we'd taken so long, but to me it didn't seem like too long at all. Squiggly time makes my head hurt.

And ja, squiggly is a _completely_ accurate description.

The next few minutes involved me slumped over the dining table with Mathias playing with my hair. Much like that evening in the rain. Eirikur joined us not long after, and Berwald and Tino didn't seem to take very long at all in the sauna room. I guessed _that_ was yet another product of squiggly time, since I imagine them taking quite a while in that steamy room...

Of course, now we were all together again, Mathias wanted to get straight into wasting time on playing games.

'...Mathias, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm _exhausted_. Can't we _sleep_ now and play games later..?'

'Nor, you sleep too much.' Mathias glanced around at everyone's expressions, and finally relented. '_Fine_, we'll sleep now. But when we wake up, I want everyone to play hard!'

...Once again, his priorities are _completely_ muddled up.

Perhaps while I sleep, I might come up with something... It's unlikely, but I can hope.

But right now, sleep is essential.

* * *

A/N: Le gasp, six whole days for a chapter. I'm slacking. Writer's Germanymochi [block], then Friday happened, and life just generally got in the way. Still, here it is, and it's a bit longer to compensate, I guess. [On the subject of Friday, fanart and fanfiction are definitely _NOT_ APPROPRIATE. Yes, you want to show you care, but the Hetalia fandom is _not_ the place to do it. Seriously, it's a matter of respect, and it irritates me.]

Remember, naked people are funny! Now, regarding Mathias... omnisexual? Pretty much. The proper term is pansexual, but I suppose it's the same sort of meaning. Asexuality, on the other hand, is simply defined as lack of sexual attraction. Most still have a sex drive, and damn, is it annoying DX [I'm going to be incredibly lazy here and say if you want more information, Google is your friend.]

Next chapter, nobody really gets much sleeping done.

Until next time, bless~


	82. Snow Mountain VI

Snow Mountain Syndrome VI - Something Is Rotten In Northern Europe

* * *

The Brigade relocated to the magical land of 'upstairs' to try to get some sleep. It was still pretty unlikely that anyone would actually _get_ some sleep, but it was worth trying, at least. The brain starts doing weird things when it's deprived of sleep, and as interesting as seeing fairies materialise in my room would be, it wouldn't be much use when I'm trying to come up with an idea for how to get out of this stupid mansion with this stupid storm.

...As long as there aren't any monsters here. Best not to mention that to Mathias, or he'd subconsciously conjure some up. And the last thing I need is spending hours running away from things.

In any case, I curled up on the bed in the room I'd been allocated, closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

Key word there being 'tried'... because it wasn't long after I settled down in that slightly-uncomfortable bed that Tino decided to visit.

I don't remember hearing the door open, or seeing the light from the corridor outside. I didn't _hear_ anyone come in, either. All I remember is hearing a 'Norge...', waking up from not-really-sleep, and seeing Tino standing there, wearing little more than a long shirt.

'...Tino? Did you want something?'

Tino said nothing, just slowly shuffled over to my bed. A glistening path down his face told me he'd been crying... _why?_

'...What is it, what's wrong?'

'C-can I... sleep in here..?' His voice sounded wobbly... what had happened?

Hang on, he wasn't wearing that shirt before. The rooms were all the same and there were no spare clothes in here, so where did that shirt come from..?

Minor details, minor details. In any case, not letting him in would be a _little_ cruel.

'...Ok, go ahead.'

'K-kiitos...' Tino sniffed, and made his way over to the side of my bed. 'I... I got scared by myself, so I thought I'd be able to sleep better in here... Berwald is nice, but he still scares me a little...'

Wait, wait, _wait_. What was it you were saying the other day at the hospital? Didn't seem scared _then_, did you? This is a little suspicious...

Anyway, Tino climbed onto the edge of my bed and snuggled up close to me. For warmth, I assume... or not, as he started unbuttoning that shirt.

...Wouldn't he get cold? It's not exactly comfortably warm in here...

_Hold it._ There's something missing here... Something that should be here, but isn't. Well, that _is_ the definition of 'missing', but that doesn't matter!

There's no mole on Tino's chest.

Which means that this person snuggled up next to me is _not_ Tino Väinämöinen.

I pushed him, and leapt out of my bed as soon as I figured it out. What was this _impostor_ doing in my room?

'Who the heck _are_ you?'

'Wh... _wha_..?' I swear his eyes just grew in size... sorry, but that's not going to work.

'You're not Tino, are you? Who are you then, alien? Slider? Is this strange house all your doing?'

'...N-Norge...' The fake Tino's whole face was quivering. He looked away, before racing straight for the door. The door that had been locked from the _inside_... so how did he get in? He gave one last look at me, face shiny, before running out into the corridor and slamming the door behind him. Loudly.

'Wait!' I yelled after him. I needed to know what the hell was going on here, and if he could answer, there was no way I was letting him run away just like _that_.

I pulled the door open- wait, was the door really that loud? Blinking, I stepped out into the hallway-

to find myself face to face with Mathias. And the rest of the Brigade. It seemed that we'd all slammed the door open at the same time.

'...Nor? Weren't you in my room just now...' Mathias gave me a confused look. Uh, nei, I was in _my_ room... why would I be over there?

Now I'm worried. _What..?_

'Why's everyone out at once?' Mathias asked, looking round at everyone. The entire Brigade seemed to be wearing the same befuddled expression. By the way, befuddled is an awesome word.

'Dunno. Why are you out?'

'Uh... bad dream. You came into my room and did all kinds of weird stuff I know you wouldn't do... you being ace and all. It was really creepy. I punched you and you ran off... but it was just a dream, right?'

'Ace?' Eirikur asked.

'Asexual, _duh_.'

'...Oh. _Oh_. Anyway... pretty much the same thing happened with me. You, Norge, were doing things that were _completely_ out of character... that, and your curl was missing. Other than that, they resembled you in every way...'

Great, so now I'm _haunting_ everyone in their sleep? Then... what about that fake Tino? I looked over at what could only be the real Tino. Seeing him now... _how_ could I have been tricked by that fake? Really, they may look the same aside from the mole, but their behaviour was _completely_ different.

Tino noticed my staring. 'Uh? Oh, Eirikur was the one that appeared to me...'

Eirikur appeared to Tino? You have to wonder _why_ each particular person appeared to who they did...

'Berwald? Who appeared to you?'

Berwald stared straight at me, same blank face as usual. '...You.'

That's when something happened that ought never to happen.

Berwald closed his eyes and collapsed to the floor.

* * *

A cry of 'Berwald!' hit my ears from two directions, as both Mathias and Tino ran over to support him. Eirikur and I remained motionless, slightly dumbstruck by this turn of events.

'_Whoa_, he's burning... Nor! Get some ice packs! Eirikur, Tino, help me get him back into his room!' Mathias began barking out orders like a military commander in a _really_ bad mood.

I looked closer at Berwald's face... to a casual observer, it might look like he'd just fallen asleep. I got the feeling that was _far_ from the case, though. This was Berwald, he couldn't just fall asleep suddenly like that... could he?

'_Nor!_ Ice packs! _Now!_' Mathias yelled at me, before attempting to pick Berwald up. I guess Mathias would _have_ to be the one to do it, since Berwald's pretty huge.

Right. Ice packs. Where would ice packs be...

_Dammit!_ Why can't we have just _one_ trip away somewhere without something going wrong?

I found myself wandering back down to the kitchen. A sensible thought process, really, ice packs usually being found in a freezer and all... Still, there was no guarantee that there would be one in there. Unless...

I stopped just before opening the freezer. An image formed in my mind of what I expected an ice pack to look like... sadly, I was all too familiar with them. I concentrated on the image, then opened the freezer.

Sure enough, there was the _exact_ same ice pack I'd been thinking of, sitting on top of a cabbage.

What a convenient mechanism for this bizarre house. I think it would probably have been to make us stay longer. After all, if the mansion could provide us with everything we needed, why would we _want_ to leave?

Because it's damned _creepy_, that's why.

* * *

I left the kitchen and made my way through the dining hall, only to find Eirikur standing out by the entrance, staring at the door. Unless Mathias had ordered him to bring snow because I was taking too long, which is _stupid_, why would Eirikur be down here and not upstairs helping with Berwald?

'Ah, Norge. Good timing. See this?' Eirikur pointed out some sort of metal plate that had appeared on the door.

'What is it? Wasn't here earlier.'

'Nei, it wasn't. I was the last one to enter the mansion, and I'm sure it wasn't there before.'

I took a closer look at whatever the hell this thing was. It was a square panel, about half a metre in each direction, covered in confusing numbers and symbols. At the top was some kind of equation.

_Brilliant_. Maths. _Hardly_ my strong point.

x-y=(D-1)-z

Then, below that:

x=_, y=_, z=_

The little spaces were indentations in the panel, like we were supposed to put something in there. But _what?_

'Over there.' Eirikur gestured towards a small wooden box that had also materialised on the floor. It contained three sets of numbers zero to nine on what looked like plastic tiles. About the size of Scrabble tiles, but with numbers instead of letters.

I was never much good at Scrabble, either.

'So what, these tiles are meant to be the solution to this problem?'

'Looks like it,' Eirikur answered in a voice even _more_ serious than usual, if that's even possible.

'Well? Any ideas?'

'I think I've seen this problem _somewhere_ before, but we'll still need more information before this can be solved. The D, for example. We're not required to solve for it, so we'll need to find it out some other way. But _how..?_'

Looks like we've lost poor Eirikur to the depths of mathematical thought. Can I just _leave_ him there, please? ...Not that doing _that_ would be useful at all, since he's far better at maths than me... I remember the Eirikur at World Academy, who chose that particular school because it 'would be _most beneficial_'. It annoys me a little.

'So... is this actually relevant to _anything?_' I asked, bringing Eirikur back out of his thinking.

'Of course it is. This is the key to the door.' Huh? Oh, _brilliant_. Our only chance of escape is a _mathematical problem?_ 'The door's locked, and there's no other way of opening it. I tried.'

As if I didn't trust Eirikur, which most of the time I don't, I gave the doorknob a try. The door didn't open.

'Uh, then how was the door locked? Surely if it's an automatic lock we should be able to open it from the inside?'

Eirikur sighed. 'Look at the mansion. Do you _really_ think common sense applies here?'

Fair point, but do you always have to put it across as though you were talking to someone with an IQ of about five? And I _know_ it doesn't go down that low, which is precisely my point.

'I don't know who did it, but whoever they are, they're clearly trying to trap us here,' Eirikur continued. 'All the windows are sealed, the doors are locked...'

'And the formula? What's that for?'

Eirikur turned his gaze to me. 'Unless I'm very much mistaken, that formula is the key to open the door. Our only means of escape... provided by our sleepy alien friend upstairs.'

Berwald? Then... _argh_, we're relying on him once again. But whoever did this... if they can put _Berwald_ out of commission, they're a serious threat.

Which is why we have to get out of here as soon as we can.

* * *

A/N: Why am I slowing down so much with updates? Argh. Well, Saturday was Manchester Expo, and Sunday I was ill, so... eh. [I cosplayed Viking Norway to Manchester Expo, which was great fun ^^ And better still, my Denmark will be getting her wig soon! Yay!]

I finally got round to watching HetaOni, as well! ...Yes, they are quite similar, aren't they? Anyway... uh... yay for confuzzling maths stuff? [I've said it before and I'll say it again, please, let me know if it gets too confusing.]

Next chapter, Mathias finds a brain somewhere. I don't know where he found it.

Until next time, hej då~


	83. Snow Mountain VII

Snow Mountain Syndrome VII - Energy-Efficient Eureka Moment

* * *

Once again, my only escape route seemed to be a puzzle provided by Berwald. As if the Emergency Escape Program hadn't been tricky enough, he'd made _this_ one into some sort of mathematical formula. I'm the sort of person that spends maths lessons either half-asleep or completely asleep. Usually the latter.

And Eirikur was being as straightforward and sensible as usual. That being not at all.

'In any case, this seems like an all-out attack on the SOS Brigade. This is Berwald's method of counter-attack, I think. If we solve the equation, we get out. If not, we're stuck here. Simple.'

'Couldn't he have given us something a little _simpler_..?'

Eirikur turned on me like I'd just suggested driving a truck full of children into the mansion to get us out. '...You _really_ aren't very good at prioritising, are you? Berwald's given us a way out. The possibility _exists_ to escape. Just because _you_ aren't very good at it doesn't mean it can't be solved. Being the one Mathias chose doesn't make you a special snowflake.'

'I know _that_, there's no reason to be a douche about it.'

'I'll be a douche until the message gets through. I can't exactly call myself an expert on Berwald's kind, but I think his abilities are severely limited in this space. He's been disconnected from the Data Integration Thought Entity, so this is all he can manage. And you're complaining because it's too _difficult_ for you.'

'I'm not! I...' _Ugh_. Arguing doesn't come naturally to me at all. That, and it wasn't going to do _anyone_ any good... 'Never mind. Let's just get out of here.'

'_That's_ more like it. I'd be worried if you actually _wanted_ to stay here.' Eirikur turned his attention back to the panel. 'Now... We're still going to need a value for D, and we don't have any ideas...'

'_Eirikur_.' I think I surprised myself with just how serious I can sound when I want to. 'You're an _esper_, aren't you? Can't you... I dunno, blow a hole open?'

'...I don't have access to my abilities here, and I left Puffin back at Gilbert's mansion. It's only under certain conditions that-'

I didn't bother listening to the rest of his sentence before grabbing his collar and pulling him towards me.

'Don't give me that _crap!_ You're supposed to specialise in alternate space, aren't you? Tino doesn't _have_ any abilities, Mathias is out of the question, Berwald's been taken out and I'm as _useless_ as always! There must be _something_ you can do!'

...I _hate_ not being able to do anything in these situations. Like with the camel cricket. Just stand back and let those who _can_ do stuff do their stuff, because I'm the only 'normal' member of the Brigade and I'm useless.

'What are you _doing?_' A sharp voice came from dangerously close behind us... I turned round to find myself, once again, face-to-face with an angry Mathias. 'Nor, I asked you to get ice packs, not argue with Eirikur! Be considerate of Berwald, stop taking so long, and stop playing around!'

But I wasn't playing around... oh, right, I still had a grip on Eirikur's collar. Whoops. And I must have dropped the ice pack when I wasn't paying attention, since it seemed to have ended up a metre or so behind me on the floor... double whoops.

Mathias picked up the ice pack from the floor. That's when he caught sight of the panel.

'What's that?' He took a closer look, gaze coming to rest on the equation at the top of the panel.

'That's what we were wondering,' Eirikur replied. 'Any ideas?'

'Huh... That's Euler, isn't it?'

What the... How is _Mathias_ able to recognise that jumble of letters just like that?

Eirikur clicked his fingers. 'That's_ it!_ _That's_ where I knew it from. Euler's polyhedron theorem! I'm surprised you recognised it, Mathias. I'm almost impressed.'

'Haha! Tak!' Mathias gave a huge grin, naturally _completely_ missing the 'almost' in that sentence. _Damn_ that Eirikur. 'D is... dimensions, isn't it?'

'I believe so.'

'Hang on a second,' I interrupted before Eirikur could continue. 'I'm completely lost. What are you on about?'

'The _formula_, Nor. Keep up!' Ignoring the fact that Mathias actually pays attention in class, where the heck did _he_ get a brain from? Maybe he found it in the freezer when he was making sandwiches.

'Essentially, take any three-dimensional shape,' Eirikur began to explain, 'and the number of corners plus the number of faces is always two more than the number of edges.'

'...Right, but what does that have to do with anything?'

'It's the formula. It works with shapes in any number of dimensions, hence the need for D. Corners plus faces minus edges always ends up as one less than the number of dimensions. Understand?'

'_Sort_ of. So for a 2D shape it'd end up as one, right?'

'Já, that's right. Also, it applies to _every_ shape imaginable, even irregular ones.'

'...I _think_ I get it. Then... what about this formula, then?'

Eirikur pulled a notepad and pen out of his pocket. Did he have that all along, or did he summon that the same way I got the ice pack? Not that it mattered. 'x-y=(D-1)-z. I'm reasonably sure that x is the value for corners. y is subtracted, so that's probably edges. In which case z will be faces. The problem is that we don't have either the shape or the number of dimensions.'

'_Huh_...' Mathias had been posed in a sort of thinking stance, but snapped out of it when he remembered something. 'Anyway, we can waste time on maths later! Nor, you need to go see Berwald.'

'Hm? Me? Why?' I mean, I was _going_ to anyway, but what would Berwald want with me?

'He asked for you, that's why! Called out your name while mumbling to himself.'

'My _name?_ My actual name, or Norge?'

'He said 'Nor'.'

That doesn't make sense. Berwald's _never_ called me Nor, or even Norge. In fact, the only one that ever calls me _Nor_ is Mathias. So why would he say something like that now, after he'd been incapacitated?

'Are you _sure_ that's what he said?' Eirikur asked. 'This is important, Mathias. Please try to remember _exactly_ what he said.'

Mathias put a hand to his chin, thinking. 'Well, I didn't hear too clearly, and he was mumbling, you know what Berwald's speech is like. Could've been 'more', could've been 'Thor'...'

Eirikur's face told me he'd had a lightbulb moment. 'Do you think it could have been... '_four_'?'

'Four? Uh... Maybe. Why four?'

Eirikur ignored Mathias and started scribbling something down in the open notepad, muttering the word 'four' over and over. Maybe he'd truly gone insane.

Mathias' expression changed to that of a slight glare. 'Never mind! You two better visit Berwald soon!'

And having given that order, he spun around, ice pack in hand, and stomped back upstairs.

* * *

I leaned over to look into Eirikur's notepad. It was a series of shoddily-scribbled numbers and letters, but only the bottom of the page seemed to be relevant.

'Huh? Oh, Norge, right. Those phantoms that appeared in our rooms, remember them?'

'Of _course_ I remember, it was only a while ago.' I don't know _how_ long, and time's still all screwy. Which, come to think of it, is _probably_ why Mathias thought I was taking so long.

'Right. _Good_. Remind me, who came to your room?' Eirikur flipped onto the next page, and wrote a big N in the middle of it.

'Tino.'

'Tino... I see.' He drew an arrow pointing upwards, then a T at the top of that. 'Tino was visited by _me_, I think.'

Another arrow, diagonally down and to the left, and an E at the end of that.

'I myself was visited by none other than you, as were Mathias and Berwald.' He closed the loop with another arrow from the E to the N, then more arrows from an M and a B both to the N. Eirikur removed his hand from the diagram, revealing the finished shape.

The shape of a number 4.

Suddenly it clicked. 'Ah! _That's_ why Berwald was talking about four, isn't it?'

'Indeed.' Eirikur looked up at me. 'Berwald was the one that created those phantoms. It was his clue for us.'

Couldn't he have made those apparitions less... you know... Better not say that out loud, though, or Eirikur will lynch me again.

'Presumably, it creates the shape referenced in that equation on the door. It's a two-dimensional shape, so D is two.'

He continued the working on the notepad, just below the diagram, thinking out loud as he went.

'Corners... that's the number of Brigade members, so five... one face, formed by you, me and Tino, and five edges. Now, does that fit..? x is five, y is five, z is one. Five minus five is zero, D-1 makes one, one minus one is zero... _Got_ it. That works.'

While Eirikur was working it out, I picked up the little wooden box with the Scrabble tiles of escape. I didn't stop to offer Eirikur praise before picking out the necessary tiles. Five, five, one.

'Wait just a second, Norge. There's still the possibility that this is a delete program.'

I stopped before placing any of the tiles in the slots. What did Eirikur mean by a delete program?

'As in _what?_' My voice came out a little more irritated than I'd intended, but I was mentally exhausted. That's a reasonable excuse, isn't it?

'Going back to the RPG analogy, there's a possibility that solving the puzzle turns the console off, so to speak. Hits the reset button, effectively deleting these versions of us for good.'

Now you're just being obnoxious for the sake of it. 'I trust Berwald. Your solution works, so takk, but I only trust you as far as the solution.'

'...I _see_.' Eirikur hung his head slightly. 'Fine. It's _your_ decision. But in the event that this program _does_ return us to normal space, I'd like to make a promise.'

Oh? _Now_ I'm intrigued. What sort of promise? 'Go on.'

'If a situation happens where Berwald is in serious danger, but that situation is beneficial to the Agency... I'll betray the Agency exactly once and stick with the SOS Brigade. That's my promise.'

I nodded. 'Ok. I'll hold you to that, then.'

It's hard to think that this is the second situation like this in a matter of weeks. I'd been the only one left, yet somehow I managed to blunder my way through it and escape. This time, though, the whole SOS Brigade is here with me. And it's not us disappearing, it's the whole space.

x=5, y=5, z=1.

I slotted the tiles into position, and a metallic click came from the door. I gave Eirikur one last glance. Eirikur nodded, and after releasing breath I didn't even realise I was holding, I took hold of the doorknob and pushed.

The door began to creak open.

* * *

A/N: And then a pile of snow fell in Norge's face. *shot'd* Yes, thankye, I'm feeling a bit better, I just don't have much of an appetite. Oh well. I can still drink coffee! [is a fail Brit]

To be honest, my headcanon says Denmark's a lot smarter than he acts. I'm pretty sure there are a number of Danish physicists, none of whom I can be bothered to mention and most likely all of whom can be found through simple use of an internet search engine. [Also, it's so much easier working from the actual book than a pdf file :D I bought a hardback copy of The Rampage of Haruhi Suzumiya at Manchester Expo, and it's very, very useful. They're even kind enough to provide EXPLANATORY VISUALS. On the other hand, Koizumi.]

Next chapter, there is snow. Lots and lots of snow.

Until next time, moi moi~


	84. Snow Mountain VIII

Snow Mountain Syndrome VIII - Back To The Mansion, The One That Isn't All Screwy

* * *

You know, some things are just kinda... _weird_. The sort of things that leave you going 'what the hell just happened'? I thought maybe after being through so many, I might have developed some kind of resistance, but apparently evolution doesn't _work_ that way.

Because once the door finished opening, that was _exactly_ what I was thinking. Had my brain just been fried and served for breakfast alongside some burnt eggs?

The sudden sunlight was _blinding_. There was no trace of the blizzard that had struck goodness-knows-how-long-ago. Not a cloud in the sky. And the only snowflakes in the air were those being kicked up by nearby skiers-_ huh?_

I staggered forward a little when I tried to walk. My legs felt heavier than they were a moment ago... oh, I see. _That's_ what happened, is it..?

We were all standing somewhere on the ski course, fully kitted out in the ski gear we'd left to dry in the mansion. If I'm not mistaken, this is exactly the point at which the blizzard struck. Time had effectively rewound itself, and the mansion was nowhere to be seen either. In which case, what happened to-

'Berwald!' Yeah. Him. Mathias' voice echoed around the mountain as he and Tino skied past either side of me, almost knocking me, to pick up Berwald who had apparently fallen down. 'You ok? Your fever... _ehh?_ Weren't we in the mansion just now..?'

Eirikur and I made our way over to where the other three were. Berwald seemed to be lying face-up in the snow. How he managed that, I'll never know. Perhaps the reset formula left us in the same positions we were in the mansion; in which case, Berwald would have been lying in bed ill. That makes some sense.

'Nor? This is _weird_... Anyway, Berwald, are you ok? Do you still have a fever?' Mathias grabbed hold of Berwald's shoulders and lifted his chest out of the snow.

'Nej. 'm fine. Just tripped,' Berwald answered in a complete monotone, as he pushed Mathias' arms away and stood up by himself. Towering over us once more as the tallest Brigade member.

'But... just a moment ago...' Mathias took one of his gloves off and pressed the bare hand to Berwald's forehead, before removing it in confusion. 'Ja, it's gone... Huh... That mansion... was it all a dream?'

He turned to look at the Brigade, eyes finally resting on me.

'If it was, that was the weirdest dream _ever_.'

A shout from close-by interrupted our little working-things-out session. The whole Brigade looked over to where the shout came from.

Oh. Gilbert and my brother, of course. Or rather, Gilbert, my brother and three snowmen.

Wait, where exactly _were_ we? This was... the bottom of the slope, close to the lift station. I'm not even going to try thinking about how exactly we got down here when the blizzard struck at the top of the mountain.

In any case, we'd better go meet those two.

* * *

Gilbert contacted Yekaterina, who came to pick us up in one of those 4x4s. Just one, though. Apparently Natalia was busy with something.

Mathias insisted that Berwald went and got some rest, since he apparently got the feeling that Berwald was 'just unwell'. Despite Berwald's initial protests, he eventually agreed. So he, Tino, Mathias and my brother took Yekaterina's offer, leaving Gilbert, Eirikur and me to walk back. _Sigh_...

Somehow I ended up in conversation with Gilbert on the way back.

'So,' he asked, 'what was up with you all walking back down earlier carrying your skis?'

..._Eh?_ 'There was a blizzard..?'

'Blizzard? Pfft, you mean that ten minutes of snow earlier? That was nothing!'

Excuse me, I think I _know_ what nothing is with regards to snow. Also, ten _minutes?_ We were in that mansion for _hours_... Then again, if time was all squiggly inside the mansion, perhaps the snowstorm was the metaphorical wardrobe and the mansion was Narnia... meaning when we got out, barely any time had passed here.

I'm being surprisingly clever today. It's weird, I should probably stop.

Gilbert continued, words tumbling out of his mouth like someone had just turned a bucket of Lego bricks upside down. 'So ja, you were just walking down the hill, then Berwald took a tumble. Got straight back up again, though.'

Oh, I see. That must be what we looked like to outsiders. So the mansion... did it even _exist?_

Eirikur and I just nodded, keeping our mouths firmly shut.

We carried on in silence for a while, until Gilbert took me aside for a moment.

'Oh, Norge, just one thing.'

'What?'

'Tino, Berwald, Mathias... they're not exactly _normal_, are they?'

...Oh, _skitt_. He noticed. Surprisingly, though, that big grin on Gilbert's face was genuine.

'...When did you notice?'

'Oh, a while ago. I don't know what they actually do, but it's some weird stuff in secret, nein?' Gilbert laughed. 'Oh, keep this secret from Tino. He thinks he's acting normal, it's so _cute!_ You, though, you're normal, aren't you? Ja, you're the same as me...'

Uh, not really. _You_ have a voice. A _loud_ voice. And you didn't mention Eirikur, either.

'Oh, don't worry! I'm not going to ask about what everyone _really_ is! It doesn't matter, we're all friends, right?'

...Why didn't Mathias recruit _him_ into the Brigade? He's _much_ more perceptive than me, and much better at playing the 'ordinary human being' role.

'Mmhmm.' I nodded in vague agreement.

'One last thing. That movie you made for the Arts Festival. Was that based on a true story?'

_What?_ 'Sadly not. That was straight out of Mathias' head.'

I don't know whether Eirikur heard any of that, but at mention of 'true story', I saw him shrugging off to the side.

* * *

By the time we finally arrived at Gilbert's mansion, Berwald had already been forced into bed. He didn't have that vaguely-ill look he had in the disappearing mansion though; instead, he seemed to be back to his cool, serious look. I suppose it would be the simple reason that he was never _actually_ ill in this world, and he wasn't under stress from that weird space any longer.

Tino seemed to have taken a nap. He'd clearly been kneeling down next to the bed, and most likely due to sheer mental exhaustion had fallen asleep using the bed - and Berwald, for that matter - as a pillow. My brother was sat next to Tino, playing with Hanatamago as usual. Does he ever actually do _anything_ else? Then again, if Tino was asleep and Berwald was 'ill', my brother would probably be bored stiff. Poor Hanatamago would be the only one paying attention to him.

Mathias was watching over all of them, but quickly lightened up when we entered Berwald's room.

'Ah, Nor, Eirikur! _Finally_, what took ya so long?'

'We were _walking_.' Surely _that_ much would have been obvious?

'That's no excuse! It's your duty as Brigade members to get back as quickly as you can! Anyway, Berwald's resting, so we should probably leave him to it.'

I glanced over at our 'invalid'. It didn't _really_ look like he was resting, but it was probably better just to go along with it.

The three of us moved out into the corridor between rooms. Eirikur's puffin noticed us from somewhere down the hall, and flew up to rest on Eirikur's shoulder where it thought it belonged. Ah, puffin, how we have _missed_ your presence.

'So, Nor?' Mathias turned to face me, a thoughtful look on his face. 'I feel like we've just woken up from some kind of weird dream. Very realistic, too. There was a big mansion, and sandwiches, and even a sauna.'

Yep, that sounds about right. But still, that probably counts on the list of Stuff Mathias Is Definitely Not Allowed To Know Unless There's A Crisis, so what can I say? Ja, that really was just a dream?

'But...' he continued, 'Berwald said he didn't know a thing about it, but Tino remembered the same thing.'

..._What_. It was probably a good thing we'd moved away from them, or I might just have _throttled_ Tino in his sleep. _Idiot!_

'I have a theory,' Eirikur interrupted. 'It _could_ be group hypnosis. I think _I_ remember something like that, too.'

'_Eh?_'

'The blizzard provided a repetitive image, which can lead to hypnosis. It's like driving down a motorway in the dark. The street lights can sometimes hypnotise drivers who have been on the road for too long and put them to sleep.'

'Huh? _Really?_' For once, I agree with Mathias. What's Eirikur on about _now?_

'Indeed. Someone must have made a comment about wanting a mansion with everything we need, so we were hypnotised into believing there was one there. The sound of Berwald falling over must have brought us to our senses.'

...Laying it on a little thick, aren't you..? Still, if Mathias buys it...

'Huh... I suppose that _kinda_ makes sense.' _Success!_ 'I mean, why would there be a random _mansion_ in the middle of a mountain blizzard? _Haha!_'

Eirikur raised his eyebrows at me, as if to say 'See? _Anyone_ can fool this idiot'. Ja, that's right. Mathias, you just keep being selectively stupid. Having a brain is great, but sometimes we _need_ to fool you...

'Still, just one more thing, Nor?'

'Mm?'

Eirikur took this opportunity to walk off, saying something about 'preparing for tomorrow'.

'If it was all hypnosis... I wonder...'

'What _is_ it?'

'You. In the mansion. You... said something about being ace? Is that... true?'

Remember, this didn't actually happen... play dumb, you weren't there... 'Hmm? Ja, ja, I am. Am I _really_ that easy to read?'

Mathias gave me one of those stupid grins. 'Well, what do I say?'

...Don't say that, _I'm_ supposed to be the one with social problems.

* * *

At long, _sweet_ last, it was the evening of our first day in Gilbert's big fancy manor. Berwald insisted that he was fine, but a combination of Tino, my brother, Hanatamago and a _very_ insistent Mathias kept him in bed for the evening. Presumably, Eirikur and his little 'acting troupe' were busy setting our entertainment up for the rest of our stay. Perhaps Gilbert was with _them_.

In any case, I took a trip outside. Just to sit there and enjoy the scenery, really. Being so far away from any major cities really makes for a _beautiful_ night sky. It's a shame we're not any further north, but a night sky can't have everything, I guess.

Tomorrow would be New Year's Eve. Eirikur's murder-mystery event would begin tomorrow. Once that's done, no doubt everyone would end up utterly _hammered_. Especially-

'Hej, Nor!' ...Yep. Mathias. The leader of our Brigade joined me in sitting on the steps just outside the front door. 'So_ that's_ where you went! I was just wondering, you know-'

'You're so _noisy_. I was enjoying the quiet, and you came along and _ruined_ it.'

'...Sorry.'

A slight breeze sent a chill through my body. I curled up to keep myself warm, but it didn't help much. So Mathias put his arm around me and pulled me closer.

'Mm_mm_...' Mathias was warm, which is why I snuggled up closer to him, mumbling into his chest. 'Noisy, but you've got _some_ uses. ...So are you out here for any reason?'

'Hm? Me? Looking for _you_, of course! Why else would I be out?'

I sighed, softly, just to myself. '...Why not? It's a lovely night.'

'Heh, true, true. In which case of course I'd find _you_ out here. You fit in perfectly.'

I felt his lips on the top of my head, and couldn't help but smile a little. I'll never for the life of me understand why he picked _me_, of all people, but I'll be damned if I start complaining about it.

It couldn't have been that late in the evening, but I suddenly found myself yawning. Ja... physically perhaps not, but from my perspective it had been one _heck_ of a long day.

Mathias' hold on me tightened for a second. 'Tired? Ja... we should _probably_ get some sleep. Mystery tomorrow!'

I said nothing, but Mathias let go of me and stood up, offering a hand to help me up once he was on his feet. We stood facing for a moment before I leant upwards and kissed him.

Just for a moment, mind you. It was still _cold_. Naturally, that brought that _stupid_ idiotic grin straight back onto Mathias' face.

He put his arm back around my shoulder, and together we headed back inside.

* * *

A/N: And that's the last of the Snow Mountain Syndrome chapters! Don't worry, we haven't finished with Gilbert's big fancy manor yet. I haven't killed Turkey again yet! xD

I'm still not entirely happy with this chapter, but if previous times I've said that are anything to go by, that means everyone'll love it... Then again, best not to assume. [Also, I'm very rarely happy with anything I do... Still! I can hope!] I did want to get it up today, though, which I failed ^^' It's about half one in the morning here. Why do I do this to myseeeelf? _

Next chapter, the mystery begins. Woof.

Until next time, cheerio~ *dons monocle and top hat for the lulz*


	85. Hanatamago I

Whatever Happened To Hanatamago? I - Is That Doodle Supposed To Be Me?

* * *

Sometimes I find myself wondering, why does time seem to go faster when you're doing something you enjoy, yet lag so much when you're bored or have homework to do? I mean, I get the feeling that if it weren't for the SOS Brigade and all its crazy shenanigans - which is an _awesome_ word, by the way - the end of the year would have been a lot longer coming. Maybe I'd still be back in the middle of October. My brother might be pestering me to make him a Halloween costume. Yet another festival I don't _really_ care about.

Of course, it's all nonsense, since time _probably_ passes at the same rate. It's just the perception that changes... right? I dunno, maybe I'll ask Tino one of these days. He _might_ know, being a time traveller and all.

Anyway. That was just me waxing philosophical for no _real_ reason. The date was December 31st, New Year's Eve. Yesterday we'd gone skiing and somehow ended up in a big creepy house, Berwald got ill, Eirikur was his usual smartass self and we somehow managed to convince my _idiot_ boyfriend that it was all a dream. It still feels a _little_ weird to call him that, but I guess that's just what Mathias is. Aside from the whole god-like super-being thing.

We still don't know exactly _who_ it was that made that stuff happen, though. I'm pretty certain we'll find out eventually, but it's annoying not to know... Still, Berwald's fine right now, and that's what matters.

Right now, we're vaguely half-asleep, or at least I am. I don't know about anyone else, since I've got my own room. We're in Gilbert's big fancy mountain manor. Just as a recap, it's me, Mathias, Eirikur, Berwald, Tino, Gilbert, my brother, Natalia, Yekaterina, and apparently Sadik and Herakles as well, although I haven't come across them yet.

If this were a school day, my brother would have pulled me out of bed by now. Since it isn't, he hasn't. Thus, my body refuses to get out of bed. It's a hard life.

_Yawn_... Someone get me a coffee...

* * *

I managed to drag myself out of bed eventually. Mainly because Mathias came in and practically _jumped_ on me. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but Mathias is often the definition of annoying. I think I _may_ have mentioned it, actually.

The sky outside was completely clear. It _would_ have been another great day to go skiing, but Mathias was still worried about Berwald, and no amount of protest would convince him otherwise. Never mind the fact that Berwald was obviously perfectly alright. Still, we have other things to do today, so it doesn't matter too much, I suppose.

We gathered in the main hall after breakfast and coffee, then Gilbert led us to a lounge off to the side somewhere.

'Since we're not skiing today,' Eirikur suggested, 'perhaps we should bring the mystery event forwards? We were going to do it from... uh... some time in the evening, then end at midnight, but if there's nothing else then we may as well.'

'Great idea, Eirikur!' ...Naturally, Mathias was as enthusiastic as ever. 'Let's get going now!'

'Ah, sorry, not right now.' Eirikur shook his head. 'It's best if we wait until _after_ it snows, and it's forecast to snow later.'

...You demanded that I bring Hanatamago along, and now you insist you want _snow?_ There's _piles_ of the stuff outside, idiot. No doubt it's part of the 'murder'. It's a common trick in mystery shows. For example, someone calls the police. It's snowing, but there are no footprints leading away from the house. Ergo, the murderer is still in the house. Probably the person that called the police.

Of course, I'm probably barking up the wrong tree with that one. Which was probably intentional. Probably. Hooray for overusing words.

'Oh... ok, then. Later.' ...Great, now _Mathias_ is bored. Nice job breaking it, Eirikur. '...So! Uh... what're we going to do for the next few hours..?'

Well, I've got my violin up in my room, but there's _no_ way I'm bringing it down with so many people around. Certainly not playing it. I'm... not that confident, sadly.

'I've got plenty of board games, if you'd like?' Eirikur pulled out a bag from behind the sofa - when did _that_ get there? - and placed a few boxes on the little coffee table in the middle of the room. And from the looks of things, that wasn't all of them. Does Eirikur just dislike videogames, or..?

'Ok!'

...At least it's keeping Mathias occupied. I kinda feel like I should be doing something _useful_, rather than sitting back and enjoying myself like this, but if I asked to help Natalia and Yekaterina with stuff, they'd probably just reject the idea.

* * *

Yekaterina came back into the lounge a while later, this time with Sadik Adnan and Herakles Karpusi in tow. Mathias happened to look up from scribbling something down and noticed them arriving. Naturally, as soon as he saw them he was off the sofa like it had suddenly melted.

'Hej! You're here, at last!'

'Indeed!' Sadik laughed. 'I don't know how I managed to survive a train journey with _him_, but here we are!'

The 'him' in this instance was probably Herakles. Good to know they still get along.

'Would have got here earlier... snow held us up.' What's also refreshing to know is that I'm not the only one that seems to suffer transport-related narcolepsy. It looked like Herakles had only just woken up. And that cat... had that been clinging to him the whole time? Eh, espers. I'll never understand them.

Gilbert took that opportunity to jump off the sofa and join Mathias. If we're not careful, those two are going to end up as partners in crime or something... which is a _terrifying_ thought, given what Mathias is capable of.

'Ah, you must be Gilbert! It's a pleasure to be invited to the Beilschmidt manor!' Sadik gave Gilbert a smile... I _think_ it was a smile, anyway. My brother chose that precise moment to start tugging on my sleeve to get my attention. So _annoying!_ I turned my attention back to the Pictionary board, so I didn't catch much of the rest of the conversation.

My brother made _sure_ of that. 'Norge! Norge!'

'_What?_'

'There!' He handed me a scribble of... I dunno, something. I _think_ he's missing the point of the game. What was it..? A duck of some description?

'So, this is..?'

'Guess!'

I sighed. 'Idiot lillebror, the idea of the game is that we try to guess what it is _while_ you're drawing it.'

'I _know!_ But Mathi and Berti ran away!' he pouted. _Mathi_ and _Berti_..? What on earth..? Their names are _Mathias_ and _Gilbert_. Then again, my _lovely_ little brother is only twelve.

...Says the guy with a stuffed bunny in his room. Hypocrisy is _fun_.

'Berwald and Tino are still around. Just because those two- wait, Eirikur's vanished as well, so three... Anyway, just because_ they've_ gone doesn't mean you can break the rules of the game.' When did _Eirikur_ disappear? Huh, I guess he _is_ involved in running this mystery thing, so I suppose I can forgive him for cruelly abandoning us during a game of Pictionary. And Mathias and Gilbert are just being friendly.

...I was never much good at that.

'Aww... Norge, you're a _jerk_.'

'I'm not, I'm just _correct_.'

'Oh!' I think Tino was off in a daze somewhere, because _something_ brought him crashing back down into reality. 'Eheh, sorry. Did I miss anything?'

I shook my head. 'Nei, not really. Sadik and Herakles got here a few minutes ago.'

'Oh, good!' Tino smiled that adorable smile of his, then his expression changed to thoughtful. 'By the way, I was wondering. Is spoony-ness or forky-ness the dominant trait in spork reproduction?'

Uh... _what?_ '...I can't say it's something I ever thought about. Maybe it's one of those traits that can blend, like skin colour.'

'Hmm... Perhaps it is.' Tino pressed a finger to his chin, staring at the ceiling. Was _this_ what he'd been thinking about..? 'Although, you get mules from breeding horses and donkeys, so maybe you get sporks by breeding spoons and forks.'

'Possibly. Mules are sterile, aren't they? So sporks don't reproduce.' I didn't particularly want to get into the details of cutlery reproduction, but something compelled me to continue this _bizarre_ conversation.

'Joo... That must be why sporks are usually disposable!'

...Do I _want_ to know what goes on in the time traveller's head, or do I stop before I get my hand stung by a horde of very angry wasps..? Wait, what am I on about? I'm just as strange as he is! Well, not really, _he's_ from the future so he's got an excuse...

Anyway, ignoring that complete non-sequitur, since it will _probably_ never get mentioned again... Eirikur called to get our attention.

'Ahem! Right, well, uh... Since everyone's here now, shall we begin the proceedings?' His blank expression looked a little more... _forced_ than usual. Maybe it was just my imagination, but... 'Ok, firstly, there will only be _one_ murder victim, that being Sadik. This won't turn into a serial murder case. Secondly, there will only be one murderer. Thirdly, you can ignore motive. The murderer is just killing Sadik for fun and entertainment. Finally...' Eirikur gestured in the direction of the clock on the wall, 'once we start the actual event at around 2pm, aside from Yekaterina and Natalia, nobody will be permitted to leave this room. Herakles will be with you too.'

_Sleeping_, probably.

I took a glance at the clock. Somehow, without me noticing, the hours had slipped away. It was about seven minutes to 2pm. How did _that_ happen? Pictionary wasn't _that_ interesting, surely...

'Well then, shall we start?' Eirikur asked, receiving a few nods of agreement. As if on cue, Yekaterina and Natalia arrived from upstairs.

'Excellent! Katyusha, could you show me to my room?' Sadik made it sound more like a friendly request than an order. Which, I suppose, is exactly what it was.

Yekaterina nodded. 'Of course! Right this way, it's outside.'

'Oh, I need a nap,' Sadik yawned, rather loudly. 'Having to wake up early this morning has left me deprived of sleep. That, and that _bastard's_ cat has been messing with my nose.'

'Ah, of course, the master has pet allergies... I'm sorry...' And Yekaterina... apologising... _why?_ It's not like Herakles' cat is _her_ fault. Come to think of it, this supposed 'allergy' _might_ be why Eirikur insisted I bring Hanatamago along.

And do they think their acting is fooling_ anyone?_ Must be an Agency trait.

'Oh, don't worry about it! It's only a bother when it's in a confined space, so I'm fine at the moment.' Sadik began in the direction of outside, but stopped when he remembered something. 'And could you wake me at half past four?'

'Of course. Shall we go?'

'Evet! Let's go!' And with that, Sadik picked up his luggage, and Yekaterina led him off out into the snow.

Natalia coughed loudly, bringing everyone's attention to her. '...Cat-face. Luggage. Now.'

Translation: Oh, please, Herakles, could you _possibly_ assist me in bringing your luggage to your room? At least, that's the message that Herakles seemed to have got, as he and Natalia picked up the remaining bags and quickly departed the lounge.

Eirikur coughed. _Apparently_ that's the fool-proof method of getting people's attention around here... well, it works, at least. 'End of scene one. Have fun.'

'Hej, wait a second!' Mathias grabbed Eirikur's shoulder before he could walk off somewhere. 'Sadik's room is _outside?_ I didn't see _anything_ outside!'

'Oh ja, I forgot. Sorry!' Gilbert laughed, though it was more of an apologetic laugh than actual humour. 'It's a hut, just outside. It's not actually part of the house, it was built later. Didn't _anyone_ see it?'

Nope. Didn't see a thing.

'You're _hiding_ stuff from us! _That's_ against the rules!' Mathias' grip tightened on Eirikur's shoulder. I half-expected Eirikur's arm to drop off due to lack of blood supply, but I guess the body doesn't work like that.

'Well, I was _going_ to take you there later anyway, but if you _insist_ I can show you now,' Eirikur huffed. If it's too _troublesome_ for you, you could always just let Gilbert show us. It's his manor, after all.

'Right! This way!' ...Then again, it looked like Gilbert had already taken charge.

* * *

We followed Gilbert outside. Even my brother, carrying Hanatamago, came along, although I doubt he'd be much use with the whole deduction thing. All he was good for last time was being a distraction. Hanatamago might have been useful if she could still talk- nei, don't think things like that.

Just as Eirikur had predicted earlier, snowflakes were drifting down from the sky. I don't know when it started, but it's slightly irritating that the weather forecast was behaving itself for our wonderful deputy leader. It's just a coincidence. Must be.

'Over there!' Gilbert pointed out a little hut, sure enough, not too far away from the main building. 'It's really quiet over there, so it's great if you need somewhere to hide away and think!'

...Which Mathias could _certainly_ use once in a while.

There were no solid walls between the hut and the main building. A stone path lead from where Gilbert had just taken us from all the way up to the door of the hut. At least it was only snowing lightly. The path was still visible, after all.

'Hana! Snow!' my brother announced to the bundle of fluff in his arms. Better not drop her. We'll lose her and never see her again. Naturally, as soon as my brother put Hanatamago down in the snow, she barked once and ran back inside.

Sensible dog. It's warm inside.

Yekaterina spotted us from the direction of the hut, having led Sadik there only minutes ago.

'A-ah, everyone! Is there something I can help you with? If you're looking for Sadik, he'll be in the hut.'

Somehow, the majority of the group seemed rather _distracted_ as Yekaterina was running towards us. I'm... not _entirely_ sure why. They seemed to snap out of it once she'd stopped, though. How _strange_.

'You_ sure?_' Mathias asked, a sceptical look on his face.

'Certain,' Eirikur replied. 'That's the way it's been written.' Oh, I almost forgot. This whole setup is fake.

Well, there was nothing more to see outside, so we all returned to the lounge as 2pm approached.

Almost time...

* * *

A/N: The one thing I love to see more than Badass!Finland is Cloudcuckoolander!Finland. Because, come on, look at what he tried to name Hanatamago. And Norge, are you really that much of an idiot that you can't see what everyone else finds distracting about Yekaterina... running? *boing*

See, one day Norge's actually going to get to play that violin properly. [This chapter brought to you by endless repeats of Night of Nights from Touhou and Hungarian Suite.]

Next chapter, many games are played. And Sadik is a terrible actor yet again.

Until next time, antio~


	86. Hanatamago II

Whatever Happened To Hanatamago? II - No, Really, Best Not To Ask

* * *

By the time we got back into the lounge, the clock showed exactly 2pm. How _convenient_. And now it's time for Eirikur to lock us up and never let us out again. Of course, the first thing said Icelandic esper told us was reminding us that we weren't allowed to leave the lounge until 3pm without him escorting us.

Eirikur headed back over to the sofa and pulled out yet _more_ games from the bag. The puffin flew off his shoulder to rest on the sofa for a moment. You know, it would have been so much easier to get everything out earlier, but _apparently_ that was too obvious.

...Hold on a minute. Where's Hanatamago? My brother let her loose just a few moments ago, and I thought she'd come back here, but she's nowhere to be seen.

Eh, it's probably nothing. Now, what _horrors_ are contained within that bag of games? Those look like... _us?_ Vague outline-y sketches of our heads. They were missing faces, but somehow they were still recognisable. Yup, _that_ one has Mathias' crazy hair, that one has my cross clip and curl...

'I got Tino to draw these for us!' Mathias told us. 'They're pretty accurate, aren't they? There's one for all of us! Sorry, Herakles, we didn't have much of an impression of your face...'

'That's fine,' Herakles replied. 'It's only natural...'

'Mmhmm. So! Everyone take your heads!' Mathias ordered. I'm surprised Mathias didn't insist on drawing them himself, but it doesn't really matter. Also, that sentence sounded _really_ weird, heads normally being attached to one's body...

'Ok, so the aim of this is..?'

Mathias flashed me a big grin. 'Blindfold! We blindfold you, and you draw your face! Oh, and everyone take this seriously, these drawings are going on display in the clubroom!'

...Great. See everyone unleash their hidden artistic ability. After all, if it looks like a mess, you can call it 'modern art' and everyone will love it. Isn't that right?

'Right! So... uh... who wants to start first?' Mathias asked, looking round the lounge at everyone.

Gilbert was the one volunteering.

See, Gilbert, while he wasn't your average person, didn't exactly have x-ray vision. He'd been blindfolded with a towel from upstairs. The resultant squiggles sent the whole room, but especially Gilbert himself, into fits of laughter. Well, aside from Berwald, of course. I'm not sure if he understands humour.

Eirikur was up next. Naturally, his face was ruined in seconds, and once he'd removed the blindfold he could only shake his head. Knowing I was the one up next kinda ruined the mood for me, though.

Sheesh, getting so worked up over a _game_. Why do I do this to myself?

'Excuse me,' Eirikur announced suddenly, getting up from the sofa and heading towards the main hall. 'I need to talk to Yekaterina and Natalia about tomorrow's arrangements, so I won't be joining you again until later.'

And so, he left, closing the door behind him. Why this needed to be sorted out that _millisecond_ was beyond me, but then most of the stuff Eirikur does makes little sense to me anyway.

Right now, I need to focus on giving myself a _somewhat_ sensible-looking face.

* * *

The blindfold was removed from my face, and once _again_ the room fell into laughter. I knew that was the exact same response that Eirikur's and Gilbert's self portraits had received, but I couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed. Looking at it, though, it _was_ a mess. Tino, I'm truly sorry to have ruined your masterpiece...

The door swung open, and in walked Eirikur. Out of reflex, I glanced over at the clock, which currently stood at half past two. Eirikur walked back over to the sofa, carrying... _Hanatamago?_ Where had _she_ come from?

'This little bundle of fluff,' Eirikur said, 'was bothering Yekaterina in the kitchen. You _really_ ought to keep your dog under better control.'

_Hei!_ My _brother_ was the one looking after her, not me. _He_ was the one that let her run off.

Eirikur put Hanatamago over on her preferred spot by the window, then returned to the game. What is this game called, anyway? Does it have a name? Maybe it's called 'Instant Humiliation By Blindfolded Doodling'.

...Which sounds like a name _Tino_ would come up with.

Speaking of Tino, _his_ attempts at drawing got the same result as the rest of them. That being, everyone _deafened_ by Gilbert. Berwald was up next, although I don't think he _quite_ understood why everyone found his drawing so funny. Apparently aliens still rely on sight for drawing. How... _interesting_.

We were battling away at these crazy-looking pictures for quite some time, until Eirikur stood up.

'Everyone, it's almost 3pm now,' he announced. 'If anyone needs to... uh... relieve themselves, now would be a good time to do so. Otherwise, we're taking a break.'

Aside from Berwald, Herakles, Eirikur and myself, everyone left for the toilet. Berwald was studying the portraits with what, for _him_, was great interest. Herakles... had fallen asleep. _Again_. I'm getting slightly worried that there's something wrong with this guy.

'Eirikur?' I asked. 'When _exactly_ is this murder going to happen?'

'That,' he replied, 'would be cheating. No spoilers. Have you seen the snow?'

'Of _course_ I've seen the snow, we went outside earlier.'

'Good. Remember that, it's relevant.'

I was about to reply, when those that had left came back. So the snow's definitely relevant? I thought so. Hmm... I haven't been able to notice anything off in Herakles' behaviour, but...

Mathias ran straight over to the sofa and pulled out a large scroll of paper. The grin on his face wasn't the usual stupid one, it was more an 'I'm plotting something, mwahaha, you can't _possibly_ stop me' sort of grin. I'm... not sure I'm going to like whatever's on that paper.

'Eirikuuuur!' he called. 'This one next?'

Should I be worried..? I dunno, but I am.

'Já, that's a good idea. Norge, could you bring that over here, please?'

'Do it _yourself_.' Why do you need _me_ to go and get it? You've got legs, haven't you? Eh, obviously the deputy leader's getting in on the whole workbitch thing. And no matter how much I complain, the fact remains that I'm _still_ doing it.

'...I asked nicely.'

'Fine, I'll go. Don't see why you couldn't do it yourself, but if it's too much _trouble_...'

I made my way over to where Mathias was and retrieved the strange roll of paper. I noticed Hanatamago sleeping on that cushion by the window. But... something was odd. Eirikur seemed to be more on edge whenever I got closer to that snoozing fluffball.

Once again, either it's nothing, or I'm paranoid.

I handed the roll of paper to Eirikur, who unrolled it and laid it out on the floor. It looked like an extra-large board, but needing little weights to stop it rolling back up again.

'Like it?' Mathias approached from behind, his voice startling me a little. 'I made it myself! Well, with help from Eirikur. It's custom-made for the SOS Brigade and guests!'

...That would certainly explain the rather _strange_ instructions on the squares. Whose stupid idea was _strip_ rock-paper-scissors? _Really?_

The game proceeded as well as expected. By the time my turn came around, Tino had done thirty sit-ups, Gilbert had run around the whole room doing chicken impressions, and Mathias himself had won said game of strip rock-paper-scissors, leaving poor Eirikur shirtless. It was a good thing the room was reasonably well-heated, otherwise he would have frozen.

My turn. I rolled the die and moved my counter forward.

'Answer everyone's question honestly (especially stuff that puts you on the spot)'? Oh, _skitt_.

'Ohoho! This is going to be _gooood_...' Mathias laughed. Now I see why he had his 'plotting-something' grin earlier. _Damn_ him and his reality-warping. 'Ok, everyone! He's wide open, so ask away!'

Wide open? _What..?_

'Ok... so why do people call you Norge anyway?' The first question came from Gilbert.

'Because one of my aunts called me that once, and my _irritating_ little brother found it hilarious and spread it around. Now I'm stuck with it.'

'Oh. Then what's your actual-'

Mathias cut across Gilbert's second question. 'One question _only!_'

'...Does anyone even _know_ your name..?' Herakles asked.

'To be honest, I don't really know. Mathias and my brother definitely know, Eirikur most likely does, but anyone else I'm not sure about. Not like it matters, even people who've known me for years call me that. It's... actually really annoying.'

Wait, of course Eirikur would know. He investigated me to check if I was definitely human or not.

'I've got a question!' my brother shouted, almost jumping up and down in his seat. 'Why do you keep trying to leave me at home?'

'Because I'm five years older than you, and these trips weren't designed to have you involved. And you're _annoying_.'

He stuck his tongue out at me. 'Jerk! You're so mean, Norge!'

...What? The instruction was to answer honestly.

'Hmm...' It looked like Tino was the one to ask the next question. 'Do you think life would be too different if you were a girl?'

'Huh, that's an odd one.' I paused to think for a moment. 'Well, Mathias might not pull me around so much, so that'd be a bonus. I don't think there's as much pressure to be social - wait, I'm not sure about that. But certainly in films and TV and stuff, shy girls are cute, shy guys are there to be _abused_.'

...And don't I _know_ it...

'Oh, how interesting!' Tino smiled at me.

'Hehe! Eirikur, Berwald? Your questions?' Mathias demanded, big grin still attached to his face. I suppose it's not exactly going to fall off. A face with no mouth would look downright strange.

'...Magic or science?' Berwald asked.

'Uh... Magic's definitely the more interesting one, but science has the benefit of being real, I suppose.'

'Eh, my turn?' Ja, Eirikur, it's _your_ turn to attempt to humiliate me. Wake up. 'Hm. Just why are you so sarcastic all of the time?'

'...Because I was bullied for years on end for not talking to people and I never quite got over it. Either that or it's just _fun_ to snark at people. Which do _you_ think?'

Eirikur sighed. '...As I said. _All_ of the time.'

_What?_ It _is_ fun. And so- oh, _skitt_, it's Mathias' question next, isn't it..?

'Ok, Nor. That curl by the side of your head. What is it?' Mathias' mouth seemed to be stretched to _twice_ its usual width... I was right to be worried.

'...It's... just hair,' I lied, not particularly wanting to answer that question. Which, in hindsight, was a bit of a mistake.

'Hej, no lying. It's floating and it sticks out, it can't be just hair... ohoh, do I have to do this the hard way? _Hehe!_' Mathias leapt up from the floor and placed himself behind me, one arm around me so I couldn't escape-

and the other hand beginning to tug on that blasted curl.

The next few moments consisted of me squirming around trying to escape, all the while making _rather_ undignified noises and having my blood move to places I really didn't want it to go. It wasn't until Eirikur saw sense and helped pull Mathias off me that the idiot let go of that curl.

I _hate_ that thing, really.

The game continued for a while, though _thankfully_ not in a similar vein. Eirikur made me a coffee so I could recover in peace. To be honest, the whole thing reminded me a bit of Mathias' behaviour with _Tino_ near the start of the whole SOS Brigade thing...

'Everyone,' Eirikur called out suddenly, pulling his shirt back on, 'it's 4 o'clock now, which makes this free time. If you could return here by 4.30, that would be great, but please don't go outside. Unless you're the murderer, in which case by all means go ahead.'

Herakles gave us a small smile. 'Then... I'll go sort something out up in my room. I'll be back in around five minutes.'

And with that, he left. Mathias and Gilbert headed into the kitchen, and returned one or two minutes later bearing drinks and cake. I took a seat by the window, if only to get some peace. Of course, nobody left for _too_ long, not wanting to be accused of the murder. That would be the worst thing that could happen.

Well, aside from being semi-accidentally _molested_, but that's not the point.

Oh, and Herakles did indeed return after about five minutes.

* * *

It was around 4.30 when Yekaterina came into the lounge, waving a phone around. '...Sadik isn't answering my calls! I... I tried to go and wake him, but the door's locked! Oh, what am I to do...'

Laying it on a bit thick, aren't you? We already _know_ it's fake... Still, she's very good at the whole 'distressed waitress' look.

'Everyone, the time has come!' Mathias leapt up from the floor, taking charge as usual. 'Let's go!'

_Sigh_... I can't say I'm feeling _overly_ enthusiastic at the moment, but what the heck, let's just go along with it.

We followed Yekaterina out to the hut, where Natalia was waiting for us just outside the hut's door.

'Well then, what's going on?' Mathias asked.

Natalia turned to stare at him. 'The door's locked from the inside. The key's inside, and so is Sadik. And there's no spare key.'

'No spare key, hm?' Eirikur replied. 'There still won't be any need to break down the door. Natalia, if you would..?'

'Da.' She pulled a key out from a pocket in the front of her dress. 'Ignore that the key shouldn't exist.'

Natalia unlocked the door, and Mathias marched straight in. Sure enough, there was Sadik, dead. Or rather, 'dead'. The rest of us edged our way through the door.

'Merhaba!' Sadik waved to us from where he was lying, stabbed in the chest with one of those fake knife-handles you could _probably_ buy in a toy shop. 'I've been stabbed, as you can see.'

'Who stabbed you?' Mathias demanded. Pfft, like _that's_ going to work. _Idiot_.

'Ever heard the phrase, 'dead men tell no tales'? This applies here. Apologies.'

'Eh, worth a shot.'

Eirikur seemed to take charge from there.

'Hmm... This is the key to the door of the hut, and it's _here_ on top of the table rather than outside the hut. In other words, the killer must have left another way.' He moved around to the window of the hut. 'As you can see, the window is wide open, so the killer must have left _that_ way. However, notice the snow. There are no footprints leading away from the window, but there, above the window - the roof is an overhanging one. There's a thin layer of snow under there that shouldn't be, so the killer must have gone back to the manor via the outer wall.'

I took a look outside. Eirikur's explanation did make a _bit_ of sense, but the snow was still falling...

'The snow wouldn't cover footprints within thirty minutes.' Eirikur looked round at everyone. 'I'm the game planner, I wouldn't lie.'

'...Aah, is that it?' Mathias asked. Eirikur gave no response, which is when I noticed some movement under the quilt of the bed Sadik was lying 'dead' on. I peeled back the covers, to find-

'Hanatamago?'

The creature that narrows its eyes from sudden exposure to daylight is none other than my rather fluffy dog.

..._What_.

* * *

A/N: Made it! Whew. Need to get this chapter up before I'm kidnapped and packed off to Wales for a few days... I DID NOT EXPECT THIS. So annoyed.

I'm sorry, but that haircurl really is worth too much to ignore. I swear half the fun of writing this is torturing poor Norge... Meanwhile, Sadik is dead. Again. NO WAI.

Next chapter, the investigation begins. Woof.

Until next time, güle güle~


	87. Hanatamago III

Whatever Happened To Hanatamago? III - The Dog Was Not The Mastermind

* * *

Natalia and Yekaterina accompanied us back to the lounge, while we were desperately trying to figure things out. Presumably that would be Sadik's job over and he could go grab a mug of tea somewhere. Tea or coffee, I'm not sure which they prefer in Turkey.

'So let me get this straight,' Mathias began, not really talking to anyone in particular. 'Sadik went for a nap at two. The hut was locked from the inside, and the killer escaped through the window. But the murder was long enough ago that the footprints were covered by snowfall. So what the _heck_ was Bloody Flower-Egg doing over there?'

'_Hanatamago_. Her name is Hanatamago,' I reminded him. Of course, Mathias wasn't there when she gave us a proper name to use, but still... had he not come into contact with the dog since then? Apparently the rest of us using her name hadn't sunk in.

'Indeed, that is the case,' Eirikur replied. 'The dog seemed to magically appear at the crime scene. Think back to when you last saw her beforehand.'

When I last saw Hanatamago... hmm, I _think_ that was when Eirikur ordered me to retrieve the custom board game from hell.

'Uh, I don't really remember. Nor?'

'I think I last saw her when I got that board game from you. She was asleep on the cushion behind you.'

'Really?' Mathias looked confused. 'I hadn't actually noticed her being there.'

'Oh, she was definitely there,' Tino responded. 'I'm sure I saw her earlier, when we were playing the face-drawing game.'

'Ja, that's what I remember too,' Gilbert added.

...So basically, _I_ was the last person to have seen Hanatamago. Maybe she got bored of sleeping and went outside? Perhaps she found her way in through the open window...

Wait, that's a _stupid_ idea. Dogs can't open doors by themselves. Besides, there's no way for poor Hanatamago to get outside anyway.

'I think someone must have taken her to the hut,' I proposed. 'Probably either Sadik or the killer.'

'It can't have been Sadik, he said he was allergic to animal fur,' Mathias reminded me. 'So it _must_ have been the murderer that took the dog out to the hut... Ok, how about this? Bloody- sorry, _Hanatamago_ was here at three, right? So the killer must have gone over there between three and half past four. It takes half an hour to cover the footprints, so Sadik must have been killed between three and four.'

'That sounds reasonable,' Eirikur nodded.

'Uh, it _doesn't_, actually,' I interrupted. 'Mathias and Gilbert left together at four to grab some food, and Herakles went to do something upstairs. None of them were gone for long enough to take Hanatamago over to the hut.'

'...True.'

'Not true at all!' Mathias replied. 'That means _everyone_ has an alibi except the dog!'

Let's see, it was me, my brother, Mathias, Tino, Berwald, Eirikur, Gilbert and Herakles playing the face-doodling game until three. _After_ three, the only thing that had changed was Hanatamago vanishing.

'Wait, what about Natalia and Yekaterina?' Mathias suddenly thought. We called them over to interrogate them.

Yekaterina insisted she had been in the kitchen from two until she went to wake Sadik up, including making me a coffee. When asked if anyone could confirm this, Natalia was the one to back her up, and Yekaterina likewise told us that Natalia hadn't gone anywhere. In other words, they were covering for each other.

'But couldn't you two share the crime? One of you could be covering for the other!' Mathias pointed his finger accusingly at the two of them. Clearly _someone's_ forgotten the rules of this little mystery game.

'Mathias, as I said before, only _one_ person is the culprit,' Eirikur reminded him. 'As the game designer, I can assure you that neither Natalia nor Yekaterina are lying.'

'Then... what, Sadik was killed by a haunted knife? Or _Hanatamago?_ Everyone's alibis are perfect!'

Eirikur sighed. 'This is a _mystery_. The idea is that you _work it out_. So, why did the culprit feel the need to use Hanatamago?'

Mathias stepped back a little and began pacing around in thought. 'Obviously it's some sort of massive clue... why use the dog? If she wasn't there to begin with, it'd be a sealed room mystery... a _temporary_ one- _Ah!_ Nor, what d'ya think of when I say alibi?'

'Uh... hold on, are you saying the murderer is using _Hanatamago_ to create a false alibi?'

'Yep! It's _obviously_ a conspiracy!' Mathias seemed incredibly pleased with himself. I'm not sure why, but if this whole thing is to keep _him_ entertained then I'm just going to let him feel smug. 'So when does Hana's alibi start?'

_...Hana?_ The only one that calls her that is my _brother_... not that it really matters. 'Start? Uh... well, she vanished at three, so... Hei, Eirikur, when was it you brought her in from the kitchen?'

'I think it was about half past two.'

'And... Yekaterina, Hanatamago was _definitely_ in there, right?'

'Da, that dog was starting to get _quite_ annoying, so Eirikur came just in time,' she replied with a smile.

'How long was she in there?'

'Oh, um... I think I saw her there when I came back from leading Sadik to his room, so... about two, maybe.'

Hmm, that _does_ make sense. After Hanatamago had escaped from my brother's _fearsome_ clutches, she'd run into the kitchen and begged for food. That's when Eirikur found her and brought her back to the lounge. In other words, that's what Hanatamago was doing beforehand.

Something _still_ doesn't add up, though...

'There's a trap here, I'm sure,' Mathias announced. 'That doesn't explain how Hana managed to get over to the hut...'

...Nobody _else_ seemed to be helping much with the thinking. Berwald probably knew already and was keeping his mouth shut to give Mathias something to do. My brother would _never_ have been much use anyway, and sure enough, he was sat on the sofa looking confused. Herakles had a little grin on his face, though being the prime suspect he _probably_ knew the answer anyway.

Eirikur let out yet another sigh. 'Need a hint?'

'Not yet, let me think.'

So... Sadik went to the hut at two. Hanatamago was last seen at three, before somehow showing up at Sadik's hut at half past four. The murder had to have been before four, to allow for the snow covering their tracks. But from three to four, everyone has a perfect alibi.

'...Ok, go on, give us a clue.'

Eirikur shrugged. 'Well, put it this way. You or your brother should have been the first to notice.'

...That's_ it?_ Your cryptic _nonsense_ is no help whatsoever!

'Ah, I know!' Gilbert yelled suddenly. 'The dog _has_ to be in here, because the proof that the dog wasn't here matches the killer's alibi!'

Mathias snapped his fingers. 'That's right! So if the dog _wasn't_ here, the killer wouldn't have an alibi!'

'_Awesome_ theory time!' Gilbert continued. 'Hana went missing at half past two, not three! That's when the murder was!'

_...What?_ Hanatamago was in here from half past two to three...

'Which means... Hej, Nor! _You_ get it, don't ya?'

'...Nei? _Wait_, wait. So... the moment Hanatamago disappeared was the moment of the murder, right?'

'Ja, _and?_'

'And... hmm, are you saying the killer only _wants_ us to think that the murder was between three and four? Just because it was before she went missing doesn't mean nobody left... So what, the killer was someone close to Hanatamago at around half past two?'

'Yep!'

'...That _still_ doesn't explain the Hanatamago I saw at three.'

'Oh, I think I get it!' Tino's face lit up suddenly. '_Hehe_. The murderer took her from the kitchen and put her in Sadik's hut at half past two, killed Sadik and left her there. So the dog that was sleeping in here wasn't _actually_ Hanatamago!'

...Wait, wait, _what?_ Of _course_ that's- hold on, that _does_ make a surprising amount of sense. I didn't really pay much attention to the snoozing ball of fluff by the window, other than registering her existence. Then... there are _two_ of them that look the same, and the one in here is a fake?

'Where did _this_ one come from, then?'

'That doesn't matter, Nor! The point is that only _one_ person was close enough to be able to mess around with which Hana was where. _Who_ went missing and came back at half past two? Because _he's_ the murderer!'

...Oh. _Oh_. I turned to face the person who brought the fake Hanatamago back from the kitchen, because _that_ person must have been the murderer.

'Game's over, Eirikur. You lose.'

* * *

Eirikur sighed, holding his hands up in defeat. That's right, _you_, surrender now or prepare to fight. 'Looks like you got me. Já, I'm the murderer.'

Mathias let out a rather loud laugh. 'Why didn't you give us free time at _three_ instead of four? It would have taken us longer to catch you then!'

'It's quite simple. If one of you'd taken longer than about five minutes away from the lounge at three, _they'd_ have been listed as a possible suspect. Instead of that happening, I wanted a game where none of you could have been a suspect.'

Either that or it just didn't occur to you.

'Where did the second Hana come from?' Mathias asked.

'I asked Natalia to bring him into my room. Once I'd gone and killed Sadik, I brought him down from my room.'

..._Him?_ Couldn't he find an _exact_ replica of my dog? 'Ok, then where did the double go? It can't have just _vanished_ at three.'

'After we set up that custom board game, while you were all setting up, I used that opportunity to hide him.'

_Really?_ Oh... I guess that's just what I get for not paying attention.

'In the big bag, right?' Mathias went over to the sofa and tipped the games bag upside down. Sure enough, out rolled a bundle of fluff almost identical to Hanatamago. Ok, it was male, but you _had_ to admit the resemblance was incredible.

The fake Hanatamago looked around a bit, before wandering over to where my brother was holding the _real_ Hanatamago. Tino picked the double up before the two dogs could do anything to each other, though.

'So_ that's_ why you said my brother and I should have been the first to notice...'

'Indeed, I was worried you'd figured it out already,' Eirikur replied. 'I needn't have worried, evidently. If you had, I probably would have told you the whole thing and asked you to keep quiet.'

Hanatamago, I'm so sorry. Lillebror, you should be _ashamed_ of yourself.

'Finding the dog was the most difficult part. I only vaguely remembered what Hanatamago looked like, so it was... tricky. I went with this one because it was the closest we could find.'

You know, _asking_ wouldn't have been difficult at all.

'We needed to train him to curl up and sleep for half an hour. If he'd gone walkabouts, it would have been a disaster.'

'Oh, Eirikur?' Tino asked. 'Could I possibly keep him?'

'Hm? I don't see why not.'

'Kiitos! In that case, I name you Sardine Picnic, _cute_ little dog, you...' _Sardine Picnic? Only_ Tino...

'...I suppose it makes a better name than Hanatamago the Second. _Ahem_, it appears the game is over,' Eirikur announced. 'I thank everyone for their support during this event, especially Gilbert for lending us the manor, Sadik for being our poor victim, Herakles for being the false lead, and of course Natalia and Yekaterina.'

Indeed. Tusen takk to you all.

* * *

A while after that, Natalia and Yekaterina provided us with some lovely-looking herring. Mathias and Gilbert immediately begin to munch away with _startling_ voracity. I guess all this _thinking_ is tiring for them and they need brainfood.

'...Norge?' Eirikur asked, sat to one side of me. Mathias was, naturally, on my other side. 'What did you think?'

I don't think I'd ever seen his face so... _uncertain_.

'Mathias is in a _great_ mood. That's a good result, isn't it?'

Eirikur visibly relaxed. 'That's good to hear. As long as Mathias isn't bored, that's our main intention.'

'Yeah, if only to relieve _your_ workload.'

He laughed a tiny bit. 'True. Though I must admit, I'm hardly killer material.'

'Really? Tell _that_ to the Celestials.'

'Oh, Eirikur!' Mathias leant forward, huge grin on his face. 'Since ya did such a great job with this and the island, I'm leaving next summer up to you as well! Make it bigger and better! Maybe a castle, a _really_ big castle would be perfect!'

'Haha, my family have an _awesome_ castle over in Germany! You could use that if you want!' Gilbert... just how rich is your family? Seriously?

'Ok, it's set! Everyone make sure you have a passport ready for summer!'

_...Good grief._ There's no way _anyone_ could stand up to the dual verbal battering rams that are Mathias and Gilbert.

* * *

It was... _probably_ the first time I'd spent New Year's Eve away from a television.

Once again, the clouds had all but vanished, giving us a wonderful view of the night sky. I guess it was quite appropriate that we should be able to see so much of the universe when there are people in the Brigade that could change it so easily. Far out into space, the Data Integration Thought Entity... light from so long ago that had only just reached the earth after millions of years, and a time traveller... and of course, the god-like super being obliviously responsible for everything.

Mathias had brought along some fireworks to set off for celebrations. As the various coloured explosions glittered in the sky, Sadik and Natalia being the ones to set them off, I moved a little closer to Mathias and his grip tightened around me slightly. Berwald and Tino seemed to be edging closer and closer to adopting my little brother into a family. They certainly looked like one.

Well, it's been chaotic, and I've been flung around like a damp ragdoll, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Happy new year.

* * *

A/N: It feels so weird writing about New Year celebrations in August xD Wales was... just about bearable, but only because I had my doodlebook. Seriously, my cousins are so frickin' annoying!

To be honest, I had a minor panic because I'd accidentally changed some minor details that I shouldn't have, but working around them is part of the fun of writing this. Incidentally, Sardine Picnic is one of the names Finland came up with before he and Sweden compromised on Hanatamago. Finland is a bit loopy... I mean, who thinks 'Go For It! Bomber!' is a good name for a puppy? And despite the stereotype, apparently Turkey drinks more tea than the UK. Unless Wikipedia is lying.

Next chapter, Norge's got some temporal issues to finally resolve.

Until next time, da pabachznnyar~


	88. Time Loop I

Fixing The Time Loop I - Duct Tape Is Not Available

* * *

Procrastination _really_ isn't good for you. Sure, it's fun deliberately ignoring stuff that needs to be done, but sadly, this _particular_ incident was kinda life-threatening. I'd made my mind up in the middle of our mountain trip that this _needed_ to be sorted as soon as I could manage. But while on the mountain trip? No chance. That was a chance to enjoy myself properly, even if my brother _was_ still with us.

Besides, it wouldn't be too long until we were back at school. Now that _would_ be hell.

It was January 2nd. The Brigade trip to Gilbert's mansion in the mountains had gone very well indeed. Well, aside from that little excursion to the creepy vanishing big house thing, but that was all a dream, remember? To Mathias, it was, anyway. Thanks to Eirikur's improbable explanations, our chief believes _that_ little incident was a product of mass hypnosis. But that's irrelevant to the current events.

New Year's Day was chaos, but a good sort of chaos. Let's just say alcohol was involved. Lots and lots and _lots_ of alcohol. Which is unsurprising considering Mathias was around. And Gilbert. I swear, those two are the biggest drunkards in Europe. Also, cue the inevitable watching of Dinner for One. I just hope this isn't 'the same procedure as every year'... otherwise we're all going to burn out.

Which brings us kicking and screaming to today.

* * *

Natalia, Yekaterina, Herakles and Sadik had long gone. I'm pretty sure they do in fact live close by, but the particular train route we took didn't go where they needed to go. Which meant the little group of exhausted people currently stood outside the train station consisted of me, my brother, Mathias, Eirikur, Tino, Berwald and Gilbert. Oh, and Hanatamago and Sardine Picnic. My brother was clinging _ferociously_ to Berwald's waist, not wanting to let go.

'Ah, we're home!' Mathias announced. Way to state the obvious. 'Ok, dismissed for today! Get some rest and we'll do some more stuff tomorrow. Gilbert, are ya joining us tomorrow?'

...Where _does_ Mathias get his energy from? I want some. Maybe Gilbert is his magical reserve of energy.

'Nein, sorry, I'm off to Germany tomorrow. I'll bring some souvenirs back from Berlin, ok?' Gilbert began heading in the direction of his home, stopping only to wave and yell 'Tschüss!' at us.

Mathias kept waving back until Gilbert disappeared round the corner.

'Then let's go! Be careful on the roads, it's still winter. Nor?'

'...Mm?'

Mathias pulled me into a crushing hug. Maybe _one_ day he's going to learn to hug without almost suffocating me... But that's entirely beside the point.

'Farvel.'

And with that, the Brigade dissipated, leaving just me and my brother. Who was still clinging to Berwald. I somehow managed to pull my brother off the poor alien, allowing him to go home. Tino was waving goodbye to... me, I think. If it had been Eirikur waving I _might_ have reciprocated, but...

Well, as soon as my brother and I arrived at home, I abandoned my brother and Hanatamago downstairs and grabbed the phone to call two Brigade members I had only just left.

Because there was one _huge_ thing I'd left unfinished.

If that nasty experience in the creepy manor has taught me anything, it's that if the world needs saving, it needs saving _now_. If we hadn't escaped then, I dread to think what would have happened to the universe... There'd be one very _dead_ me, one very insane Ivan, and one very traumatised human Berwald.

So I need to go back with Berwald and Tino.

Back to the early morning of December 14th.

I called Tino first, since he'd be the one in charge of the actual time-travelling.

'...Norge? What is it?' Naturally, Tino sounded _quite_ surprised, considering I'd only seen him a few minutes ago.

'There's... somewhere I need to go with you,' I answered.

'Ok, where is it?'

'December 14th. About... oh, I think it was about quarter past four in the morning.'

Tino made an odd noise of confusion. '_Eh?_ I can't just use the TPDD when I feel like it! There's a whole complicated process of authorisation...'

Authorisation? I think _that_ would be easy enough to get. I can just see Future-Tino giving me a big thumbs-up right now. Well, obviously not right now, but time travel is confusing.

'Then contact your superiors and ask for authorisation. Simple enough, isn't it?'

'Um... ok.' Tino fell silent for a moment, and the only noise coming through my receiver was the sound of his breathing. I wonder how it is that Tino contacts the future?

The silence didn't last long, though. After about ten seconds, the odd confusion noise appeared again.

'...I don't believe it. _Why_ was it so easy to get it authorised?'

Well, I'm sure there's some whole predetermined crap surrounding this, but I barely understand it myself.

'Ok, so could you meet me in front of Berwald's apartment in about 30 minutes?' I asked.

'...Could you make it an hour? I need to check some stuff.'

I agreed, and hung up the phone. _Sigh_... This wasn't going to be easy for my poor exhausted brain to handle, seeing myself get stabbed then beaten with a pipe, but this needed to be done. Otherwise time would catch up with me or something, and I'm not particularly keen on fading away and/or being a bloody mess in the middle of the road.

Now to call someone that probably knows what's going on anyway, but it's always a good idea to check... right?

* * *

Ok, I'll admit it, I turned up a _little_ earlier than I should have done. I cycled over to Berwald's apartment and waited. Sure enough, along came Tino, exactly an hour after I'd called him.

He was smiling, almost laughing a little, but I think it was a laugh of confusion. The sort of laugh when you're not _entirely_ sure what's going on, but you're just going along with it anyway.

'Norge, moi! Eheh, I'm still not sure how your request went through so quickly, and my boss even told me that we needed Berwald with us as well... And he won't even tell me the outcome! It's top secret, and I have to follow _your_ orders... why is that?'

'...I'll tell you once we're inside.' I punched Berwald's apartment number into the intercom, and waited.

A little light told me there was contact, but Berwald said nothing.

'Berwald? It's me.'

'Come in.' And with that most laconic of responses, the doors slid open. Tino and I walked into the lift, and they slid shut again. Tino looked... almost a little nervous. Why was that? _Argh_, the way these two behave around each other is so damned confusing.

But then, people in general are confusing.

Berwald welcomed us into his apartment, wearing both the same blank expression as ever and his school uniform. _Huh_. It's almost reassuring to see him wearing that. If anything, it's disconcerting to see him wearing anything _else_.

Tino and I took a seat, while Berwald headed off to make some coffee. I took that opportunity to explain the situation to Tino. He seemed quite... _stumped_ by it all.

'That's not... I didn't even notice anything, how could time have been _changed_ like that?' he stuttered. I suppose I was the only one with _any_ memory of those three days from hell, and I certainly wouldn't have been able to get out without Berwald's Emergency Escape Program.

'Interference from th'future.' Berwald arrived back at the table with three mugs of steaming hot coffee, startling both me and Tino. 'Time-space change 'n interference from th'future happened at th'same time.'

'Oh, I see... I _suppose_ that makes sense...' Tino's voice trailed off somewhere. Berwald pulled up a final chair for himself, then shifted his gaze from Tino to me.

...Ja, I think I know what he's trying to say. I'd told Tino that it was Berwald that set this whole thing off by changing the world, that the Emergency Escape Program sent me back to Midsummer three and a half years ago, and that trying to fix everything resulted in me getting assaulted by Ivan Braginsky. But still, that wasn't the whole story, and Berwald wanted to add some verbal footnotes.

Considering Future-Tino was there that Midsummer, though, I'm pretty sure Tino's superiors are keeping stuff from him. From what I can gather, Tino's in contact with the future regularly, so why are they keeping him in the dark about all this?

I suppose this is on Future-Tino's orders, though. He'd obviously been through all this already, and even _he_ was surprised when Ivan came flying out of nowhere and jammed a knife into my side. Also, if they told Tino about everything that was going to happen, he might try to change things to avoid them, thus creating a paradox.

_Ugh_. I _hate_ time travel.

'...request?' I must have zoned out for a moment, because Berwald's voice brought me back into reality. 'Don't say anything t'me when we're there.'

'Anything?'

'If possible.'

Berwald was staring at me in a way that made it difficult to refuse. His eyes made it clear that this was what he wanted. Trying to refuse _that_ would be more pointless than trying to jump high enough to latch onto aeroplanes and escape to a foreign country for a holiday.

Then again, not talking is my default state, so it wouldn't be difficult to comply.

'Ok, I won't.'

Berwald nodded.

We were a team of an alien, a time traveller and that _one_ normal guy. Eirikur's Agency wouldn't have a chance in _hell_... although I don't think they were planning on fighting. I don't even know _why_ they would be fighting at all.

Tino, Berwald and I made our way to the entrance of the apartment, where our shoes were waiting impatiently. That's right, we have sentient shoes. Well, there are aliens, time travellers and espers, why _not_ sentient shoes? Last time, when I went to this particular date with Future-Tino, we managed to _forget_ our shoes, which isn't great when we need to get to the middle of a road.

'Ok, December 14th. What time?' Tino asked.

Berwald's answer was precise to the second.

'Right, got it. Norge, close your eyes, please.' I expected there to be a 'don't get timesick' after that, but it didn't come. Huh. I guess it's just limited to Future-Tino telling me that.

Either way, the semi-circular canals aren't really accustomed to jumping through time.

* * *

A/N: Oh, I would _love_ to do a genderbending chapter. The problem is actually thinking of some sort of plot for it... And yes, Sardine Picnic is an awesome name. [...Hanatamago puppies? Oh, you xD]

Anyway, it's finally time for Norge to sort stuff out. Dun dun duuuun! Incidentally, Dinner for One is practically mandatory viewing in Germany on New Year's Eve. Which is crazy, because it's in English with no subtitles, yet it's almost never shown in the UK. Apparently it's pretty popular in Scandinavia as well. Unless Wikipedia is lying to me, in which case, cue the swearing.

Next time, there's a lot of blood. Which is entirely Ivan's fault, yet there is a depressing lack of Ivan doing anything he hasn't done already.

Until next time, au revoir~


	89. Time Loop II

Fixing The Time Loop II - Bloody Brilliant

* * *

That dizzying feeling _finally_ stopped, and I tried not to fall over. Falling over would have been stupid.

'We're here,' Berwald muttered to me. I opened my eyes to find the three of us standing in front of the school gates. Right, so... Back on that Midsummer's evening three and a half years ago, Future-Tino and I met with the Berwald that was still in standby mode. He told us who I needed to shoot with the needle gun thing, then we came to this date and watched as Berwald changed the world right in front of us.

From the looks of things, he'd _just_ done that. There was another me, in school uniform and scarf, but not coat since Future-Tino was wearing that. That other me was talking to that Berwald, and Future-Tino was watching...

Wait, aren't we a bit _close?_

'...Soundproof barrier,' Berwald told us. 'They can't hear us.'

Oh, ok. And since those versions of us aren't looking, they can't see us.

'Uh... who's _that?_ That's an adult, isn't it? Why are they there..?' Tino asked, clueless. Of course, _those_ versions of us were mere silhouettes from where we were standing, so Tino couldn't see his future self in any amount of detail. Which is just as well, since Tino meeting Future-Tino would probably _not_ be a good idea.

Something- nei, some_one_ came shooting straight past us, heading for the other me. By the time I realised that it must be Ivan, he'd already embedded that knife firmly in the other me's side. Future-Tino yelled something, but it was no use at all. I winced as I remembered the feel of that cold, cold blade...

..._Skitt_, I didn't realise I _had_ that much blood.

Ivan ripped that knife out of the other me, who promptly collapsed to the ground.

'Norge!' Tino cried out, trying to run at the other me. I think he must have forgotten that _I_ was stood right here, and that was my past... Still, he was halted by the barrier. 'Berwald!'

Berwald just nodded. 'Barrier's dissolved. It ends now.'

Tino ran straight for the me that was lying in the road, bleeding out of my side, the palm of my hand, my head where it had been bludgeoned with a pipe... Berwald also moved. Faster than katabatic winds in the Antarctic Dry Valleys, Berwald caught Ivan's pipe before it descended any further and beat my poor head into any more of a pulp. Ivan cried out, a mixture of hatred and fear, before Berwald pulled him off to the side.

I moved more slowly than my companions. After all, I didn't remember seeing _myself_ until after Ivan was out of the way and both Tinos were there. Tino - _my_ Tino, I mean - was preoccupied with what looked like my bleeding corpse, while Future-Tino looked up at me.

'...You're here.'

Ja, I am. And what I'm seeing _isn't_ pretty.

'...Hej...' That voice... I'd almost forgotten about the other Berwald... the _human_ Berwald, fallen to the ground, glasses next to him. The Berwald visiting my _nightmares_ every now and again. '...Why?'

Remembering Berwald's request from earlier, I said nothing to him, just picked up the needle gun from where the other me had dropped it. Before doing anything with it, though, I repeated the lines I remembered myself saying...

'Sorry, I can't really save you right now. Don't worry, it hurt for me too.' These were all the words of encouragement I could give to my dying self, but it needed to be done. 'We'll take it from here. You need to sleep.'

And with thoughts of a certain Danish idiot, my other self lost consciousness. From this perspective, it looked like I'd just died... but if that bleeding didn't stop, I really _would_ die.

That's a scary thought.

* * *

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Berwald dissolving both Ivan's pipe and knife.

'...Isn't this what _you_ wanted? I only... _protect_ you... today...' If I believed that Ivan was truly capable of such things, it sounded like he was... apologising for something? Nei, more... didn't know what he'd done wrong. Either way, it was a few more seconds before Ivan disintegrated completely.

'Oh...' Tino toppled over, falling over my not-quite-dead body. His soft breathing told me Future-Tino had put him to sleep.

Future-Tino sighed. 'It's a shame, but I can't let him know I'm here. Don't tell him, please.'

Berwald put one hand to the other me's wounds. It was just as well that he did, as the bleeding stopped and some colour returned to my deathly pale face. So _he_ was the one that saved me, huh? Makes sense. He stood up, and without wiping any blood off his hands asked me to give him the gun.

I said nothing, just handed it over. I hadn't held it for a long time, and while it may have been useful as a threat, I don't think I would have been _able_ to shoot either Berwald with it. Berwald himself, however, had no such inhibitions and shot the other Berwald without any hesitation.

The other Berwald began glowing as he stood up, rigidly straight like the Berwald I was most familiar with. Completely different to the one that practically begged me to stay, the one that smiled because I promised to visit the clubroom, the one whose world collapsed when I handed the application form back.

As if to confirm his return to alien-ness... is that a word? The other Berwald stared straight at my Berwald. 'R'quest synchronisation.'

The two Humanoid Interfaces stared at each other for a few moments. I've seen another me on many occasions, and Future-Tino and Tino have existed in the same place many times as well. But this is the first time I've seen two Berwalds. I feel _almost_ privileged.

'R'quest synchronisation,' the other Berwald repeated.

'Nej,' Berwald replied almost immediately. Wait, _what?_

'Why?'

'Because I don't want to.'

_...What._

I don't think I'd ever seen Berwald say _anything_ so clearly. He's got emotions, no doubt about it. It's the Data Integration Thought Entity's fault for making him so terrible at expressing them.

The other Berwald remained completely silent, as if lost in thought.

'...Change the world back to how it was,' I ordered the other Berwald. He nodded, but told me in a voice I could barely hear that he couldn't sense the Data Integration Thought Entity.

'It's not here,' Berwald answered. ''m still connected t'my time, let me do th'second adjustment.'

'Understood.'

'Once this's done,' Berwald continued, 'you can move by your own wishes.'

The other Berwald tilted his head slightly. Most people would find that unreadable, but it made complete sense to me. _This_ was the Berwald that visited me in the hospital that night, the one that told me his punishment was being considered, which _seriously_ pissed me off.

And Berwald rejecting synchronisation? He was giving himself free will. Why? Well, why do you _need_ to ask why? That's the dumbest question ever.

'Norge?' Future-Tino lightly shook my shoulder. 'Could you take care of him?'

He began to prise little Tino off the other me's body. I went round to help, hauling Tino onto my back just like I did that Midsummer.

'There's going to be a massive timequake soon. Compared with the one that just happened, _this_ one will be more complicated and significant. You certainly won't be able to open your eyes even if you wanted to.'

'...Where Berwald's turning the world back to how it was, right? Putting me in the _hospital_ rather than a sticky mess in the road.'

'Joo, that's right.' Future-Tino, still without his boots, my coat over his shoulder, slowly walked over. One hand went to the sleeping Tino's shoulder as Future-Tino looked at Berwald. The Berwald that came here with us joined us. Only one person remained as they were - the other me, lying in the middle of the road. 'It's up to you now, Berwald.'

Berwald nodded, then turned to look at his other self as if he'd never see him again. The other Berwald said nothing, but I think for a moment there he looked... _lonely_.

Berwald... don't forget to call your boss a bastard from me. It's _very_ important.

'Norge, close your eyes,' Future-Tino told me. 'And... don't get time-sick.'

The whole world shook.

* * *

The feeling of time travel is similar to that of being absolutely stone-drunk. The whole universe feels like it's whizzing around you and you're spinning and you just can't stop yourself... but since it makes you weightless you're not _actually_ spinning at all. It's just dizziness.

Dots of light made their way through my eyelids and I couldn't resist the urge to look. What I saw was... blue lights. Blue spinning lights. The sort that belonged to an ambulance.

Said ambulance was waiting outside North High's gates, surrounded by intrigued students as the personnel carried someone on a stretcher over to it. Two people were following this stretcher as fast as they could... two people I could _never_ forget. Mathias was positively distraught, and Tino wasn't much better. Eirikur was following close behind, looking rather pensive. Berwald was nowhere to be seen.

The stretcher was carried into the back of the ambulance. After a few words, Mathias climbed in as well, and the ambulance closed its doors and began to move. Tino bit his hand in shock, while Eirikur talked on his phone.

It was pretty obvious who was on that stretcher.

The dizziness hadn't subsided yet. Hell, I'm not even sure where I was. I could feel Future-Tino next to me, and Tino on my back, but not much else. Future-Tino exhaled sharply.

'Norge, we'll go back to the original time now.'

Like a TV that'd just lost its signal, the scenario playing out before us faded away. I never realised just how much distress I'd caused the Brigade that day, though it wasn't _really_ my fault. But Mathias... oh, _Mathias_...

'Aim at when you came from, and follow little me from there,' was Future-Tino's last order before I felt him fade away.

* * *

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself standing in the doorway of Berwald's apartment. Berwald himself was standing in front of me, staring at me.

'Sixty-two seconds since we left.'

Good grief, _that_ long? I thought we'd be able to make it back in less than a minute. We must be slacking.

In any case, we were back.

I began to let Tino down from my back, but Berwald took the sleeping time traveller in his own arms and carried him off to let him sleep in peace. _Aww_. So _cute_.

At long last, everything from the previous year had been sorted out. Now, I could let the new year begin properly, without being weighted down by it all. Well, aside from the stuff that isn't going to go away, but I can't really do much about that.

It wasn't until I caught myself yawning that I realised just how much time travel takes out of you. It's tiring work. If I don't get some sleep soon, I won't be getting up tomorrow. Simple as that. And I don't need my wallet suffering any further penalties.

You know, that ought to be a New Year's Resolution for me. Stop getting penalised by showing up 'late'. Even though I'm usually about fifteen minutes earlier than what time Mathias told us to meet, but _he_ doesn't care about that.

'I'll see you tomorrow, then,' I called to Berwald as I made my way out. 'Oh, and takk for today. Sorry I made you do all that.'

Berwald reappeared from wherever he'd put Tino down. 'No problem. This was all my doing.'

I kept eye contact with Berwald until I'd shut the door behind me. I wondered if I'd _ever_ get to see that smile again... while it didn't come, there was _definitely_ something different on the Swedish alien's face.

How _is_ it I've grown so used to his slight movements?

I cycled home at a leisurely pace, and left the realm of the conscious as soon as my head hit my pillow.

I've heard somewhere that falling asleep when utterly exhausted will give you weird dreams. Whilst I somehow managed to forget nearly everything, apart from the crane, the mountain, the fish and the sheep jumping through the ring of fire... well, whether it's a placebo effect or not, that was certainly one weird-as-hell dream.

One thought came to me, though. Tino. From _his_ viewpoint, I'd been stabbed and beaten with a pipe, then he fell asleep and woke up in Berwald's apartment. Maybe Berwald would explain it to him.

He _shouldn't_ know of Future-Tino's presence, though. All _he_ saw was someone wearing my coat. Perhaps Berwald can convince him that that person was just a passing stranger.

It's similar to the situation with Mathias and John Smith, my knowledge of Future-Tino. It's a big secret, only to be revealed under extreme circumstances. The emergency trump card. If a time comes when I have to use them-

I don't _want_ that time to come.

* * *

A/N: Lalala. Nope, the anime's only got up to Disappearance. Although, hopefully KyoAni will get round to animating some of the later books. [Well, the timeline in the books is just plain weird. These last two chapters are the prologue to book 7, but the next story chronologically is from book 6... Dammit, Tanigawa!]

Sigh... It's a shame I can't do much more with Ivan. He's fun to write when he's insane. Maybe one day I'll get round to writing something that portrays him more sympathetically, though. He seems to be the designated villain of Hetalia, which is a little sad. [Then again, maybe one day I'll write a fanfic that actually has some thought going into it *shot'd repeatedly*]

Next chapter, there is much coffee. Yes, even more than usual.

Until next time, ciao~


	90. Tino's Melancholy I

The Melancholy of Tino Väinämöinen I - No Added Sugar Or Artificial Colourings

* * *

Returning to school after a couple of weeks' break _always_ feels awful. Especially in the winter, which is the point where I start to wonder if winter is the planet's way of _trolling_ people regarding global warming. North High being a relatively old construction, there's barely _any_ good heating. In fact, since I lugged that heater back from Héderváry Electronics, the clubroom's _probably_ been the warmest room in the school.

_Idiot_. You've been in the Arctic. You've been in the _Arctic_. This is _nothing_, ok? Nothing!

...It's still cold, though.

I suppose the SOS Brigade is kinda like a cuckoo in another bird's nest. After a while, the mother bird just gives up and raises the little cuckoo like one of its own. In this case, the mother bird would be most of the school and we, the SOS Brigade, are the cuckoo. Since there was only ever really _one_ Literary Club member, the whole school seemed to have forgotten about its existence. Which would make the Literary Club... the egg that the mama cuckoo kicked out of the nest to make room for its own egg? Do cuckoos _do_ that?

Still, once lessons had finished for the day I found myself wandering, _mostly_ out of habit, towards that nest the cuckoo had invaded and made its own. A lot of my class, Feliks and Elisaveta in particular, had been bothering me about Mathias for most of the day... which is the _last_ thing I need. _Sigh_... excessive attention annoys me.

But when you can ward people off with a combination of death glares and Mathias' mere _presence_...

A-anyway, enough of that.

* * *

Just as I'd done for most of last year, I knocked on the door before entering. I expected the voice of our only second-year to allow me in through the door, but... no response came.

_Hm?_ It's rare that nobody's here. Usually at least _Berwald's_ here... in any case, if nobody replied then nobody would be in there. I opened the door and walked into our beloved clubroom.

And true, Berwald wasn't there. Neither was the Icelandic esper, or his puffin. And Mathias _definitely_ wasn't there.

Tino, however, was.

Sat over by the window, wearing that maid dress, and staring aimlessly into space, Tino didn't appear to notice me entering. He was just... _there_. I heard the occasional sigh escape his lips, but it was clear that he was completely zonked out.

I think it's time to wake him up, don't you?

'Tino?'

The effect was instantaneous.

'_Ohyaaaaaa!_' Tino, startled, sprang up from his chair and almost tripped over it. 'Um, ah, Norge! When did you get here?'

'I _did_ knock.' ...About a minute ago. You _really_ didn't notice?

'...Oh. Ahaha, sorry! I'll try and pay attention next time. Where's Mathias?'

'Busy with cleaning duties.'

'I see...' I got the feeling Tino didn't particularly care where Mathias actually was, but I didn't press further.

Come to think of it, Tino was _probably_ the Brigade member I'd spent the least time with. I had class with Mathias, and... uh... the _obvious_. Berwald was usually the one that came and saved me, a _little_ too often for my liking. Eirikur and I often ended up talking out of coincidence. Tino, though... Never really got the chance.

All that meant I wasn't too good at reading him, and even _I_ could tell there was something different today. Normally he'd welcome me in and provide me with coffee, yet today he obviously had _something_ on his mind. Maybe he'd caught Mathias' Melancholy Syndrome.

In fact, the look on his face reminded me of the first time he took me back to June 23rd three and a half years ago.

'Uh... Norge..?' Tino started. 'I have a favour to ask-'

_Creeeeeak._

The door opened behind me, and in walked Berwald. He glanced at me and Tino, seemingly inferring that he was intruding, shut the door behind him and made his way over to his usual seat by the window.

'Oh, moi! Of course, coffee, I'd better make some...' Tino scurried over to the coffee machine. Berwald merely nodded, then pulled a _ridiculously_ thick book out of his bag to read. Seriously, you could stop doors in a giant's castle with _that_ size of book.

'...Ah, _perkele_,' came Tino's voice from the cupboard under the sideboard. 'We're out of milk.'

Milk? Must be someone else's. I only ever take my coffee black.

Tino sighed quietly, standing up, then began to head over to the door.

'Sure you're ok going out dressed like that?' I asked. Tino stopped and looked back at me. 'I don't mind going to get it myself, if...'

'Ei, ei, it's fine, I'll go with you then!' Tino gave me the cutest of smiles, and we headed downstairs.

* * *

There would _probably_ be milk in that cafeteria that I get coffee from if, for whatever reason, Tino is unavailable. Like in the alternate universe where he hated my guts. Not exactly going to make me coffee if that's the case, is he? Still, that was _last_ month. It's all done now. Over. As good as forgotten.

Or at least it _would_ be, if the people from that world didn't keep showing up in my nightmares.

Minor details, minor details. Right now, Tino needs to get some milk.

The Finnish time traveller had grabbed a jug from _somewhere_ in that cupboard to carry the milk in. Once we'd arrived in the cafeteria, Tino took the jug to the counter and asked for some milk. The guy behind the counter took the jug without saying anything and went off somewhere.

'...Norge?' Tino asked. 'Um... by any chance, would you be free this Sunday? There's somewhere I need to go with you.'

Is he echoing my words on purpose? _Really_...

'Of course I'm free. Unless Mathias calls me up last-minute and orders me to go somewhere, which can't be ruled out.' See all of last summer. All 597 years of it. Sort of.

Wait a minute... _somewhere_ to go. Where have I heard that phrase before? Both times, it's been a trip to a certain Midsummer...

Tino seemed to read my thoughts. 'Oh, it doesn't involve time travel. Don't worry about that! Actually, I was going to get some more coffee at the supermarket. You wouldn't mind coming with me, would you? Oh, and keep it a secret from the others, ok?'

Oh, Tino. How could I _possibly_ resist that adorable little smile?

* * *

The rest of the week was fairly _dull_, to be honest. Mathias had taken to bothering me even more than before, which was _seriously_ annoying. Club sessions mainly consisted of _many_ surprise hugs and a lot of thrashing Eirikur at board games. I don't know why he keeps challenging me to them, he does nothing but lose hopelessly.

All the while, Sunday drew ever closer, and I couldn't help but think... it's perfectly easy to go to the supermarket and get some coffee by oneself. And it's not like he'd have _too_ much trouble choosing a particular variety. In which case...

Why did Tino need to invite _me_ and keep it so quiet? And what about Berwald, anyway?

And so, Sunday finally arrived without any last-minute arrangements for the whole Brigade. Well, I spent Saturday with Mathias anyway, so hopefully _that_ will have kept him happy. Since we're _totally_ original, Tino and I were to meet at... our usual meeting place outside the station café. Yep, we're original, alright.

It's actually quite a relief to be invited out like this for something that _doesn't_ involve time travel or being led into closed space. Really, the _last_ thing I need is to see one of those Celestial things again. I mean, if one decides it wants to save me from plummeting to my _death_ that would be welcome, but otherwise no chance.

Of course, if I'd turned up to find Future-Tino waiting for me, that's a different story altogether. I don't think I'd have been surprised to find him there-

_Nei!_ Bad person, don't think _that!_ The only people that are unsurprised by weird stuff are those that are insane themselves, right? I don't want to be insane...

...although it _may_ be too late for that.

As it happens, though, it was _my_ Tino stood under the clock pole, awkwardly waving to me. I brought my bike to a halt and left it chained up next to the station, in its usual spot, before going over to greet him properly.

'Hei, am I late?'

'Ahaha, ei, you're fifteen minutes early,' Tino laughed. 'Besides, I only just got here myself. Shall we get going then?'

Oh, by all means, let's go.

You know, something like this could _never_ really have happened two years or more ago. I only really did the whole 'socialising' thing with one or two people at school, and _certainly_ didn't meet with any of them outside of it. In fact, that's one thing I'm _incredibly_ grateful to Mathias for: gathering us all together and making us such a close-knit group of friends.

Otherwise I would have been stuck with Feliks and Toris for the rest of high school. Now that _would_ be hell.

Tino and I headed for the supermarket near the train station. I can't say I'd been in there before, but presumably this was Tino's usual source of ground-up beans because he seemed to know _exactly_ where to go.

Straight to the coffee pod aisle.

'I normally get the Classic variety, but I thought maybe we should have a change. What do you think, Norge?' Tino asked as we made our way over there.

'Honestly? My only preference is that it's not decaf.'

Tino laughed at that, and I couldn't help but laugh along with him.

'Oh, I know!' His face lit up all of a sudden, _probably_ due to having an idea. 'There's a little coffee shop back at the start of the supermarket, perhaps we could try the different varieties there?'

'Sure, why not? Would have been easier if you'd mentioned that when we were back _there_, but...'

'Eheh, sorry. Slipped my mind.'

...Indeed. Are you sure you're _quite_ with it?

* * *

The 'little coffee shop' was a lot larger than I expected. Which is strange, considering it's attached to a supermarket, but that really isn't the point.

We tried a couple of different sorts of coffee there. I'm not picky with my coffee, unless someone puts milk in it. Then I won't touch it. And having it decaffeinated kinda defeats the point of drinking the stuff. Some of them were actually _really_ tasty, though.

There was still something... _odd_. Tino seemed almost _nervous_ about something. Hell, with him checking his watch so frequently, he was making _me_ feel nervous as well.

...Actually, this whole scenario is strange. Why would Tino need to call me out here just to choose a different type of coffee? There _must_ be a catch somewhere.

The fact remains that Tino is a time traveller. Observing Mathias is his task. Every time he's been somewhere with me, it's been through time, or on the orders of his superiors. Was _this_ an assignment as well?

_Sigh_... somehow thinking that makes this whole thing seem a lot less genuine.

Tino insisted on paying for the drinks, which I was thankful for. After all, every time the whole Brigade meets _I_ end up being the one to pay for everyone. It's nice to give my wallet a rest.

We made our way back to the coffee pod aisle, and Tino picked up three packets of the variety he'd decided on. Colombia Blend, huh? Hmm, ja, I _did_ like that one. Lovely and strong-tasting.

Again, Tino paid for the pods, and together we left the supermarket.

So... now what? We stood outside awkwardly for a few moments, before Tino turned to me.

'Could we maybe go for a walk?' he asked. The look on his face was pleading with me to go along with him... and how could I refuse? I didn't have any reason to abandon him and go home, and if my theory's correct he's going to need me for something.

And so, with Tino leading the way, we set off.

* * *

A/N: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. I told you there'd be more coffee than usual. In which case it's oddly appropriate that this part focuses on Norway and Finland, two countries that have at some point held the title for 'world's biggest coffee drinkers'.

Also, this is chapter _90_. What the fuck?

Next time, a wild van appears. Which is not good.

Until next time, näkemiin~


	91. Tino's Melancholy II

The Melancholy of Tino Väinämöinen II - Roaring Rampage of Vehicular Destruction

* * *

We wandered for quite a while, just Tino and me. He seemed to have decided already where we would be heading, as he often ended up a few steps ahead of me. When that happened, he'd turn round all of a sudden to check if I was still there. It'd be quite cute if it weren't so _unnerving_.

Honestly? Tino looked as if he were expecting something to come jumping out of the trees and attack us.

A metaphorical wave of nostalgia hit me as I realised exactly where Tino'd taken me. The first time Mathias had dragged us all out to the city, we'd split off into groups, and at first I ended up with Tino. Not knowing what Mathias expected us to do, we just wandered around for a bit, and we ended up here.

The same riverside where we'd gone to 'search for weird stuff', and the same bench where he'd told me he was a time traveller.

Not that we actually stayed near the bench. Tino continued walking, almost zombie-like. I bumped into him once or twice, but I don't think he noticed. Nervously checking his watch every now and again, it was clear that _something_ was bothering him. What was I supposed to do?

'...isn't it time yet..?' I heard him mutter to himself. He took another look at his watch. 'It was some time around now...'

What? Did he even _realise_ he was thinking out loud? So my theory _was_ correct, there was something he needed to do.

I pretended not to notice and continued walking alongside him.

* * *

We continued upstream, where the trees lining the riverside were completely bare due to the weather. I'd completely lost any enthusiasm I had for this little excursion. If we carried on in this direction, we'd get to Berwald's apartment block, and even further would be North High.

But we _finally_ diverged from that path, and I found myself walking along the same train tracks I'd walked down with Mathias that time. That was... just after Ivan vanished, I think.

All these flashbacks I'm getting are rather annoying.

'Oh!' Tino tugged at my sleeve. 'Norge, we need to wait to cross the road.'

_Hmm?_ Oh, right, the crossroads. I hadn't actually noticed that we'd got there already. Good _grief_, I'm spacing out as much as Tino was. Maybe there's something odd in the air.

Even though the roads were quiet and there were very few vehicles of any description around, Tino still insisted on waiting to cross. Why..? Unless... nei, that's _stupid_, this was a simple road junction. Why would _this_ be his final destination, so to speak?

The lights changed, and Tino and I crossed the road in sync.

Which was when a small figure appeared behind me.

'Ah!' Tino cried, as we turned to see a young boy, maybe about ten years old, running out into the road. The roads had been clear, but as soon as the boy ran out, I saw and heard something that made me feel physically _sick_.

Roaring down the road at a ridiculous speed was some sort of white van, completely ignoring the red light and heading straight for the crossing. _Straight_ for that little boy.

That little boy had just realised he was in danger and stopped dead in his tracks. Worse, the van showed no signs of stopping, just charged forward as if the driver had no concept of traffic laws.

A sudden image of the boy getting flattened by the van flashed into my mind, but my body had already taken action. From an outsider's point of view, it probably happened in an instant, but not being an outsider _I_ can't vouch for anything. I leapt out into the road and grabbed the boy by his collar, pulling him down to the ground out of the way of the van and knocking the fez off his head. I ended up falling to the side of the road.

The crazed van went speeding past without crushing anyone.

..._Phew_. That was _too_ close. If I'd been half a centimetre further back, my foot could have been a contender in the Pancake Look-Alike competition.

'You fucking _bastard!_' I yelled after the van, watching it zoom off somewhere. It was out of sight within about three seconds. 'Are you _trying_ to kill someone? This kid would have been _mincemeat!_ Tino, did you get...'

I shot a glance at Tino, hoping he'd got the number plate of the van. I was too busy falling over to have noticed it. Tino, however, wore an expression of shock. Which was only natural, I suppose. He'd just watched a boy almost get killed. The surprising part was that Tino was mumbling something to himself. I couldn't hear what it was, but he seemed almost... _relieved_.

Tino made his way over to where the boy and I were lying by the side of the road. Or rather, he was heading for the boy, who'd sat up and was wearing the same shocked expression as Tino had been.

'Moi, are you hurt at all?' Tino asked, knelt down next to the boy and handed the boy his fez. The boy took the fez, and shook his head in a robotic manner that reminded me of Berwald. 'Then, could you tell me your name?'

_Huh?_ Why did he need to know the boy's name? The boy answered, and while _I_ didn't recognise the name at all, Tino's eyes had widened in surprise.

'I see!' Tino gave the tiniest of smiles, then his expression changed to dead serious. Pun not intended. 'In that case, you have to promise me something. Take care of yourself, ok? Watch out for cars, and trains, and aeroplanes, and don't drown or fall into holes. Or off cliffs. Could you... promise me that much? Please?'

...You know, Tino, you don't _have_ to be so direct. Couldn't you have toned that down a little?

The boy, however, nodded. 'I will. I promise.'

Tino smiled, properly this time.

'Oh, we should get out of the road, the light's turned green,' I suggested, hauling myself up off the side of the road.

'Mm.' The boy got up as well, and we moved onto the pavement. '...I suppose I should thank you for saving me... so teşekkürler. I'll be more careful in the future.'

Without waiting for a response, the boy put his fez back on and walked off.

* * *

Tino and I ended up at the park between Berwald's apartment and the train station, where Tino headed straight for a _very_ familiar bench; namely, the one where he took me when we went to three and a half years ago. That little incident with the fez boy had not only killed the mood, it had done a tapdance over the mood's grave and made soup out of its fingernails. I probably ought to be happier in myself for saving the fez boy's life, but it's a horrible feeling to see Tino so depressed.

He leaned his head on my shoulder and sighed deeply. '...Sorry for all this, Norge.'

I said nothing, just let him continue. If Tino had something he wanted to tell me, then by all means he could tell me.

'This whole trip was on the orders of my superiors. Bringing you out here like this, the trip to the supermarket, saving that boy... I'm sorry. I didn't know that was what was going to happen, they didn't tell me.'

'Couldn't you have asked for clearer instructions, then?'

'...I did. They refused to tell me. I... I'm _obviously_ not capable enough or trustworthy enough. All I can do is follow orders.'

Why am I reminded of Future-Tino..? Is he really messing with his younger self like this?

'Don't say that, Tino.'

He snorted. 'Why not? It seems pretty clear to me. They gave me an important mission like that and didn't trust me with the details.'

There were a few moments of awkward silence, as I tried to think of a response. I failed miserably. On to Plan B: Change The Topic.

'So, who was that boy?' I asked.

'Um... he's... _very_ important where I come from. It's... thanks to him that I can be here at all. That's why we can't let him be killed. I... can't tell you more than that, because it's classified...'

Important..? In other words, he needed to be kept safe. Tino was ordered to bring me to the crossroads to save that boy. If I'd been half a second too late, he'd have been a pulp in the middle of the road. But if Tino had been _sent_ to save him, what about the future? Was the boy dead or alive in Tino's version of events?

I saved the boy, so he _didn't_ get run over. But if he didn't get run over, there wouldn't be any point sending Tino to save him, thus time travel doesn't happen... so which one was the real turn of events?

_Argh_. I _hate_ time travel. Every time I try and think about it, my head hurts.

'Tino, what happened to the boy in your timeline?' I asked. It'd be easier to ask someone who _might_ be able to explain, right?

Tino sat upright, removing his head from my shoulder. 'My group aren't the only group of time travellers in this time plane. There are... _others_ who wish that time travel had never been invented.'

Other factions, right? Like Ivan within the Data Integration Thought Entity, and whoever it was that made the creepy-as-hell mansion in the mountains. And Eirikur mentioned that there were wars going on behind the scenes, so presumably there's a rival organisation to his Agency.

So in order to prevent the creation of time travel, they use..._ time travel._ Nice going, _geniuses_.

'What sort of others?'

'I...' Tino looked thoughtful for a moment, but his face quickly fell again. '...classified. See, _that's_ why I'm so useless. I can't tell you anything important, I don't usually get the chance to help out, and all I do within the club is crossdress and make coffee.'

...A job you do _brilliantly_. But that's not the point! It's all those restrictions, not you. Restrictions placed on you by none other than your future self.

But I promised not to tell you about your future self... 'Don't tell little me about me', he said to me that time. I don't know how long I'm supposed to be keeping that secret, but I get the feeling revealing it now wouldn't be a good idea.

I'm sorry for being so quiet, but...

Tino sighed. 'Time travellers aren't allowed to directly meddle with the past. That's why I needed to bring _you_ along. You were the one that saved him, and only the people who live in the past can change the past.'

That sounded as though it should be something profound, but 'living in the past' has rather negative connotations. Not sure I like it.

'All I did was follow the instructions I was given without knowing why,' he continued, getting more and more downhearted with every sentence. 'I feel like an idiot.'

I couldn't take it any longer. 'Tino Väinämöinen, you are most _certainly_ not useless. You've done plenty, not just for the SOS Brigade but for the whole world. Stop beating yourself up about it.'

'Then what about when you asked me to take you back to December? I didn't have a _clue_ what was going on. I _never_ do!'

'That's not true.'

Snow White, to help me out of closed space. Taking me back to that Midsummer, then I had the help of two of you. Then helping us put the world back to normal during December-

wait, I haven't explained that one fully yet.

_Irrelevant_. All of those cases wouldn't have been resolved without _your_ assistance. Granted, it was your future self, but it was still _you_, right?

'_That's it!_'

I wanted to just open my mouth and tell Tino everything... but I couldn't. I knew I couldn't. Perhaps _this_ is what it feels like for Tino every time he has to say 'classified'.

'Tino... uh...'

'Hm?'

'Well... you're _not_ just Mathias' toy. You're _so_ much more than that. And... uh... what was it, there's always something below the surface..? _Argh_...' I gave up on the proverb about halfway through. Consoling people really, _really_ isn't my strong point. No doubt Eirikur would be coming out with lines more eloquent than the Poetic Edda, but similar though we may be, I'm _not_ Eirikur.

Argh. I felt like a monkey at a typewriter. I knew what I wanted to say, but _words?_ Feh, words just wouldn't come. I tried bashing myself over the head with my fist, like hitting a computer when it doesn't work, but it didn't do anything. Except hurt.

'Uh... I mean... oh, you know, _stuff_.'

And the medal for the Least Helpful Person Ever goes to_ me!_ Cue the champagne bottles which fail to open properly. It'd go along with the mood.

'...Norge?' Tino looked straight into my eyes, his mouth curled upwards into the tiniest of smiles. 'Whatever it is you're trying to say, I think I understand.'

You _do? How..?_ I'd be _hopeless_ if I were the Tino in this situation.

But his smile widened into the most adorable expression I could remember seeing on his face. Despite my inability to articulate, he understood. _Somehow_.

'...Yeah.'

Silence is golden, don't they say? In which case, _why_ society pressures people to be social beasts is beyond me, but that's neither here nor there. What mattered then was that we both understood.

My only response was to return the smile. I could never muster one as cute as Tino's, but hei, I could try, right?

And that was enough. Nothing more needed to be said.

* * *

Monday rolled around as if it had been pushed down the hill of time and had lost all sense of balance. The Brigade session after school mostly consisted of trying Tino's new variety of coffee.

_Unless_ your name happened to be Mathias Køhler, of course.

'_Sooooooo_, Nor...' my idiot boyfriend began, whilst leaning on my head with one arm. His other hand contained a now-empty mug after he'd downed his coffee. Really, after all that effort we went through... 'I talk to myself sometimes.'

'..._Really_. I can't say I've ever picked up on that particular habit.'

Which is true. I've never heard him talking to himself, ever. And if I have, I can't remember.

'And I don't really care if others are around, I'm going to carry on anyway.' Mathias removed his arm from my head, and began pacing towards the computer desk.

That's _wonderful_. _Why_ are you telling us this?

'_Well_,' Mathias raised his voice as though trying to emphasise something, 'there's this kid near my place. About ten-ish. Dark skin. Wears a fez sometimes.'

..._Him?_ Uh-oh. I can hear alarm bells ringing in the distance.

'I go over there to help him with school work sometimes. You know, primary school stuff, nothing too complex. I went over there just yesterday, in fact. Which was when he told me, 'the bunny guy's out with another guy'.' Mathias sat himself down at the computer, unleashing the most evil of grins. ''Cause when we were filming our movie, Tino was a bunny, remember?'

I couldn't forget if you _Obliviated_ me.

'So I asked him what the guy looked like, and he drew me _this_.' Mathias reached into a bag under the desk, and pulled out a slightly-crumpled piece of paper. He flattened the paper out, and held it up so we could all see.

Cross hairclip, funny curl thing, dull blank expression... no matter which way you looked at it, it was meant to be me.

'Ahahahahaha!' Mathias laughed. 'So, Norge, _where_ did you and Tino go without telling anyone, hmm?'

He leant forward on the desk as though beginning an interrogation. Which, I suppose, is exactly what it was.

'Tino asked me to go with him to get some new coffee,' I answered. 'Thought he'd need a second opinion. We just... went for a walk afterwards. That's all.'

'That true, Tino?' Mathias turned his attention to Tino, at the coffee machine, wearing the maid dress.

Tino just nodded.

'Huh, ok.' Mathias shrugged and leant back in his spinny chair. That's _it?_ No supermassive penalties? 'Dunno why he'd choose _you_ of all people, but what the hell. Oh, Tino?'

'...Mm?' Tino looked a little worried for a moment there.

'Next time you need to go get more, bring all of us!'

Tino smiled and nodded. 'Ok!'

Well, hopefully next time there won't be some boy who needs saving from a rogue van. If there even is a next time. It's good to see Tino cheered up, though.

And I have to say, though, we did make an excellent selection.

This coffee is great.

* * *

A/N: Yay! The boy Norge saves is TRNC, by the way. Hence the fez. He shall now henceforth be known as 'Fez Boy'. Because fezes are cool. *shot'd*

Tino's always one of the trickier characters to write, because he's so different to Mikuru. I... don't really know how good a job I'm doing, but I'm trying, okey? Don't eat meeeeee!

Next time, time travel gets even more confusing. Oh, great. Just what we need.

Until next time, sayonara~


	92. Scheme I

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler I - A Wild Time Traveller Appeared!

* * *

It started one afternoon in early February.

It's a strange feeling to show up to an empty clubroom. Normally at least Berwald's there, sat in the corner like a piece of IKEA furniture. Except furniture doesn't read. But I knew Mathias was off having a talk with our teacher about plans for the future or some such nonsense, and Eirikur was usually the last one to show up to Brigade meetings... and I don't have a clue where Berwald or Tino were.

I dropped my bag under the table, then moved all the way around said table to get to our rather-decrepit-looking heater. I'm starting to think the only reason we got this one for free was because it was so damned _old_ nobody wanted to buy it. Hence why we didn't get the original box. The original box had probably rotted away. Still, it worked, and gave _some_ warmth to the clubroom.

See, normally there'd be some body heat warming this room up, but since nobody's here, there's no defence from the cold February air.

...If Tino's not here, do I get coffee? Of course, _idiot_. You make it _yourself_. It's only pushing a few buttons, right?

Just as I was about to turn our little coffee machine on, a loud clang came from the metal cupboard in the corner of the room.

_What the hell?_

It was just a broom cupboard that Mathias had pinched from another room somewhere around school. Would it have been a broom falling over? Nei, nei, stuff stays where it is unless force is applied. Simple physics, that. So what _was_ that noise?

Another clang confirmed that what I'd just heard wasn't my imagination. Unless I have a particularly _cruel_ imagination that likes to play tricks on people. Either way, this was getting creepy. There I was, the only one in the clubroom, and the cupboard decided to make itself _haunted_. Or something like that.

Curious, and more than a little weirded-out, I made my way over to the cupboard. Maybe Mathias had picked up a cat. And... uh... stuck it in the cupboard. Well, I'd soon find out. I grasped the door, pulled it open-

to be greeted with a _very_ surprised Finnish time traveller.

'...Tino?'

For some reason, Tino seemed almost... _relieved_. 'Norge... uh, moi. Were you waiting for me?'

'What?' Why on _earth_ would I be expecting you? You're in a _cupboard!_

'Oh, um... well, we've definitely met here before, right?'

This was roughly the point where warning signs started flashing in my head. Actually, they'd been flashing for a while now, so that was the part where they got overloaded with electrical energy and exploded. See the smoke pouring out.

Was this a really weird game of hide-and-seek?

I was about to respond, when a loud knock on the door sent me jumping out of my skin. I began to move towards the door to open it, but Tino had grabbed my tie and pulled me into the cupboard with him, shutting the doors behind me.

'Please. You can't. Just don't make a sound, ok?' Tino muttered quietly to me.

I wasn't _planning_ on making a sound. It's not like there was anything to say. Besides, I am very, _very_ good at being quiet.

There was very little space in the cupboard. Before then, I wouldn't have thought it possible to fit _one_ person in, let alone two. Yet there we were, cramped in together, with very little breathing space.

...I am _so_ glad I'm not claustrophobic.

Through the doors, I could hear the sound of the door opening, and somebody walking into the clubroom. There were no gaps in the door I could see through, which was a little annoying. After all, I wanted to know exactly why Tino'd dragged me in here to hide. All I could hear at that moment was mine and Tino's breathing, and footsteps from whoever had just walked in.

'...Huh?' came a voice from outside. 'Nobody's here... why is the heater on? Such a waste of electricity... Oh, that's Norge's bag, maybe he just went to the toilet?'

If I could see myself then, I'm _sure_ I would have gone pale. I _knew_ that voice. In fact, from the light humming, the clang of coathangers from the rack behind the giant whiteboard, and that person's speech patterns, _that_ person was probably changing into the maid dress around now.

Somehow, there were two Tino Väinämöinens in the clubroom, separated only by a metal door. Which meant time travel was involved.

And it's not Future-Tino either. At a guess, this Tino in here with me was from maybe a few weeks into the future? That would explain his sudden appearance in here... though why in the _cupboard_ of all places?

...Oh, brilliant. The second Tino's not exactly going to disappear again, given all the authorisation time travel requires. So what the hell do I do with him?

_Creeeeeak_. The door of the clubroom opened for a second time. The room was silent for a moment, and whoever was at the door didn't move.

'Ah, Berwald, moi!' the Tino outside said. 'Coffee?'

No response came from Berwald. I couldn't hear that old creaky door, so he was probably still stood in the doorway. Whilst he himself would _probably_ be capable of moving silently, there's no way he could shut the door without it making a noise.

'Huh? Why not?' the Tino outside asked. Not being able to see what's going on is _really_ annoying.

'Need to tell you something,' Berwald answered, his usually-quiet voice muffled even further by the metal door. 'Come with me.'

'..._Uh_. Ok.' More footsteps, and the door to the clubroom closed with a bang.

_Takk_, Berwald.

* * *

Silence for a few moments, then another bang as Tino and I burst out of the cupboard and rolled onto the floor. Tino coughed to clear his throat, but I was the first one to speak. Which is quite impressive for me.

'Ok, Tino, what the _hell?_ Firstly, why were you in _there?_' I gestured towards the cupboard.

'_Eh?_' Tino looked incredibly confused at that. 'You were the one that told me to come here. Don't you know?'

...Should I? Wait, I don't remember telling you to come here. So, I must not have done it yet...

'Tino, _when_ are you from?'

'Hm, let's see...' Tino stared at the ceiling in thought. 'About eight days from now. 4.15pm.'

'Eight days, right. Any idea why?'

Tino shrugged. 'Not in the slightest. Also, why are your requests for me to time travel granted so easily? If _I_ want to do something, it takes ridiculous amounts of authorisation before I can go!'

'_My_ requests? Then, I told you to come back here?'

'Joo, you did. Oh, and your future self says hei.'

..._What_. In that case, my future self is a douche. Why couldn't I have told myself something _useful?_

'Ok, so what happened to the you here now that got taken away by Berwald?'

Tino's face turned distinctly red. 'Oh! Uh... well, Berwald led me to the emergency staircase, and... uh... talked to me for a while. Then we came back here- oh, _perkele_.'

What, what is it- _oh_. They _came back_- or rather, are _going_ to come back? Then Berwald was...

'Tino, you didn't run into your future self at all during the last few days, did you?'

'Ei, not at all. Which means we've got to get out of here _now_.' Tino stood up, and I quickly followed suit. I _couldn't_ let the two Tinos meet. Otherwise... I dunno, the universe would implode. Worse, Mathias would get out of his meeting thing soon, and I _highly _doubt he'd accept the fact that Tino had a secret identical twin. Berwald had obviously noticed us in the cupboard and removed the maid Tino from the picture to let us escape.

I grabbed my bag from under the table, then took a peek down the corridor. Nobody was around, so I waved the arm still in the clubroom to signal Tino. It was lucky that this Tino was still in his uniform, since any unusual costumes would only attract more attention... which was the _last_ thing we needed.

Tino hurried over to the door, and together we began our escape.

Stealth sections in videogames are the worst levels _ever_. Make one wrong move, step a few millimetres too far in the wrong direction, and they throw you right back to the beginning. Effectively resetting the universe. In other words, right now Mathias and the other Tino were the irritating prefects crawling the night-time corridors of Hogwarts. Only without magic. Well, without _conscious_ magic.

It may just have been heightened senses due to nervousness, but our footsteps sounded like a giant on a pogo stick bouncing down a tunnel. Extra echoes thanks to the tunnel, and extra noise due to the giant being... well, _giant_. And pogo stick just _because_. We took the stairs two at a time, and I found myself desperately hoping that our teacher would be detaining Mathias for longer than he'd hoped. _Sorry_, Mathias...

Before too long, we'd entered the room with the lockers and run headfirst into a big problem.

'...Uh, where do we go from here?' Tino asked me.

'No idea. Can't you just head back into the future or something?'

'Ei, I've been banned from time travelling until something gets done this week, and I don't know what.' Of course. What a _stupid_ question I asked.

'Let me guess, classified information?'

Tino sighed. 'Of course.'

I took that opportunity to take stuff from my bag and leave it in my locker... only to find waiting for me, in my locker, a small white envelope.

...Future-Tino. It _had_ to have been from him.

* * *

Tino and I began the walk from North High to my house. Tino hadn't gone over to mine within _his_ past week, so we decided it'd be a safe place to go. It's not like Tino could go to his _own_ house, wherever he lived. Besides, my brother would _love_ to see Tino again.

On the other hand, we were _skipping_ the Brigade meeting. It wasn't something I'd ever attempted before, so I didn't want to _think_ about what Mathias would do once he found out.

It's... _depressing_ to have to think of it like this.

Tino and I wore identical glum expressions. For me, that's hardly unusual, but it was incredibly strange to see it on the face of someone who was usually so cheerful. Nei, there was no way I could ignore this second Tino that had materialised in a cupboard from eight days in the future.

Future-Tino's note to me read nothing more than 'Take care of the Tino Väinämöinen beside you'. It was the same neat handwriting that I'd got a note in last spring, when Future-Tino showed up for the first time to tell me about Snow White.

I'd shown the note to Tino as well. Hei, if Tino wasn't _meant_ to see it, then Future-Tino would have told me to take care of _his past self_, rather than Tino Väinämöinen. Tino didn't seem to notice that it was in his own handwriting... then again, I still don't know how many years are between Tino and Future-Tino, and people's handwriting can change a lot. And if he _did_ realise, I don't think he'd be too surprised.

After all, there was the whole going-back-and-sorting-the-world-out thing where Tino took us back to December 14th. Tino's not stupid. He would have noticed _something_ about that other figure wearing my coat, surely.

Anyway, after goodness-knows-how-long, we arrived at my home. Having removed our shoes and left them by the door, we made our way up to my room. It was the easiest place to talk, though there was a _high_ risk of being disturbed by my brother.

'...Well, that _does_ explain why you didn't show up to the clubroom that day,' Tino laughed, sitting himself down on the seat at my desk. Me, I just perched on the end of my bed. 'Ah, I haven't been in here since last summer! I didn't know you played violin!'

'Oh, heh, ja. I'm...' Phenomenally awkward, that's what I am. 'Uh... I _did_ bring it to Gilbert's mansion.'

'Did you? Ahaha, sorry! I must not have been paying attention.' Nei, I'm just too shy to play that thing in front of anyone.

'...It doesn't really matter. So, what are we going to do with _you_, then? Are there any other time travellers around here you could stay with?'

Tino stared out of the window, rotating awkwardly on my chair. 'If there are, _I_ don't know about them.'

'Tino!' _Argh_. I was wondering when my brother would show up. He was at Tino's side within seconds.

'Moi!' Tino smiled at my brother.

'Aww, nobody else is here? What about Mathi?' my brother pouted. _Still_ using stupid nicknames for everyone? So annoying.

'Mathias is still at school. And for the fifty-sixth time, don't come into my room without asking.'

Actually, fifty-six is underestimating my brother a little. Fifty-six-_thousand_, now _that's_ more accurate.

'But then why are _you_ here? Mathi's not here, Berti's not here, nobody else is here, so why are you here?'

'...Well, _takk_.' I grabbed my brother by the collar of his uniform, picked him up and dropped him outside my room. _Sigh_... anyone would think he didn't _want_ a big brother. Hmph. Stupid annoying lillebror.

One of these days, I'm actually going to get a room with a _lock_. If only to keep him from barging in all the time.

'Anyway, where were we?' I asked, moving back to my bed and sitting on the end of it. 'Ok, what do we _do_ this week? You can tell me that, can't you?'

'Hm, joo, I think I can. Uh... Well, there was the whole... _thing_... earlier with Berwald, then we came back to the clubroom, and Eirikur was already there.'

...What a lucky escape.

'Mathias showed up about half an hour later. First thing he noticed was _you_ not being there, which was when he made a phone... call...' Tino's voice trailed off, as I noticed a certain melody coming from my phone.

_...Faen._

'I assume I answered..?'

'I think so, joo,' Tino nodded.

_Gulp_. Well, here goes nothing.

_Beep._

'Hallo?'

'Norge, where the hell are you?' Mathias' voice came blaring down the phone. I'm surprised it didn't crack my skull open from the ear hole.

'I'm... at home. My room.' May as well be honest, until he starts _questioning_.

'Why?' Ugh, that one word. He didn't sound as angry as I was expecting, though.

'Uh...' Just as I was racking my brain to come up with something, Hanatamago crawled out from under my bed. _That's it!_ 'Hanatamago was ill, so I needed to take her to the vet's.'

A short pause. 'Why did _you_ need to do it?'

'Because... my parents were out, so my brother was the only one home and he can't do it by himself because he's too young.' My words came out in a jumbled mess, but hopefully Mathias got the message.

'Oh. What's he got?'

'_She_. It's, uh... basically dog stress.'

Mathias snorted. '_Dog stress?_ Cute little Hana?'

'Yep. My brother plays with her too much, so the poor thing's all stressed. She's in here with me, and my brother's been banned.' Not that that would _actually_ stop him from coming in if this weren't a big fat lie, but that's irrelevant.

'Right.' Mathias fell silent for a moment. Did he buy it..? 'Hej, Nor?'

'Ja?'

'Is there anyone else there with you?'

I glanced over at Tino, who responded with a rather worried expression. '...Nei. Just me.'

'Huh, I coulda sworn your voice sounded different...'

Different _how?_ This is my normal speaking voice, isn't it?

'It's just Hanatamago. Want me to put her on the line? I'm sure she'd love to speak to you.' You were, after all, the one that gave her a voice, albeit temporarily.

'Nah, don't bother. Just... _eh_. Tell Hana to get better quickly. It's boring in here with you missing. See ya tomorrow.'

And before I could reply, a beep told me he'd hung up.

Sigh...

* * *

According to Tino, that was pretty much it for the meeting. Mathias had been really quiet, spending the whole time reading an old, battered copy of Andersen's fairytales. _Quiet_... Mathias had been oddly quiet all day. I suspect it may just be the peace on the beach before the tsunami comes rolling up and smashes everything to pieces, though. Which would be bad. If a tsunami came anywhere near the Sound, there wouldn't be much of the Kingdom of Denmark left.

_It is funny because Denmark is flat._

'You know we've got a week off next week?' Tino continued. This guy could talk not just for Finland, but for the _whole_ of Northern Europe. 'Well, we spent that week going on a treasure hunt. Mathias came in waving a map around, and told us we were going to dig for treasure.'

'Where?'

'Gilbert's place. There's this big mountain behind it, and it was Gilbert that gave Mathias the map.'

'_Figures_. Did we find anything?'

Another thing I don't like about time travel. Tense trouble. He's talking past tense, I'm talking future tense, which means we'd be _screwed_ if we were speaking a language with no future tense. Because some languages don't.

'Uh... not really, ei. Then at the weekend we went off on another big city-wide search.'

_Brilliant_. 'The whole weekend?'

'The _whole_ weekend. Including Monday, since we're not required in school.'

'And let me guess, we didn't find anything.'

'Not a thing.' Tino spun around on my chair. 'Just off to the café for lunch...'

Then why in the name of _Jormungand_ did Tino need to be sent to the past? Was there a particular need for there to be two Tinos in the same time plane? Then there's the issue with Future-Tino's note...

I may as well try something else. A different approach.

'Ok, so what did my future self tell you when he asked you to go back?'

Tino sighed. 'Well, we were doing a big Brigade raffle to get us some money - we can't rely on the Literary Club's funds forever, after all - and you grabbed me and made me change back into my uniform.'

'What, were you in costume?'

'Of course! Anyway, I did what you asked me to, even though I didn't know why, then you told me to go hide in the cupboard. You told me that at 3.45 I needed to go back to 4.15pm eight days ago, and that you'd be waiting for me. Oh, and that your future self said hei. It's weird just how quickly your request went through! It's like they were just _waiting_ for me to ask!'

...They probably were. But why did _I_ need to give the orders rather than Tino's superiors?

'Norge!' came a voice from outside my room. 'Open up, I've got coffee! And cake!'

Well, it _may_ have been my brother trying to get in, but there was no way I'd refuse coffee and cake. Yep, one day this sweet tooth of mine is probably going to kill me. But I'd much rather death by Danish and cake than death by anything else. And if you'll excuse the pun, there really is nothing sweeter than sharing cake.

If this weren't another Tino, it'd be great to have Mathias here...

* * *

A/N: Super-long story arc GO! I love doing longer arcs. They're so much fun! That, and I actually get some new characters to use~ So yes, it's another Tino-centric one. Yay for Finland!

The way things are going at the moment, I'm doing little bits during the week, then one big binge-write at the weekend. Next weekend, though, I'm going away and I don't know if I'll have access to all my stuff or not. I dunno. Might do. Either way, I'll try to get as much done as I can during the week, but I'm promising nothing.

Next chapter, Tino gets somewhere to stay. [Stay. Not sleep. *shot'd*]

Until next time, xin chào~


	93. Scheme II

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler II - I Much Prefer Hospitality To Hospitals

* * *

It wasn't too long after we'd finished our nourishment that Tino and I left, in order to find somewhere for him to stay. Much as my brother might like it, there was no way Tino could stay at mine. My parents would end up getting far too inquisitive for their own good, and it'd be difficult to hide him if Mathias came over.

If it were Hanatamago that Mathias wanted to see, a pair of scissors would do the trick, but hiding a whole _person_ is a different matter entirely.

Obviously I couldn't send Tino back to his own house. He hadn't met himself during his last week, so letting that happen would break the universe or something. Mathias was out of the question even before the question was asked. I didn't really trust Eirikur's Agency, given how he'd told me previously about the 'bloody battles' going on between the time travellers and the espers, and possibly the Entity's Interfaces.

So, what better option than to let the 'husband' take care of the 'wife'?

Berwald _clearly_ knew what was going on; otherwise, he wouldn't have removed the Tino in the maid dress from the picture. So without him, we'd _probably_ still be stuck in the cupboard. Maybe Mathias would have found us. Then all hell would have broken loose.

'Norge?' Tino asked, as we neared our destination. 'Isn't this the way to Berwald's?'

'Ja, it is. Is there something wrong with that?'

'Oh, ei, not at all! I just… oh, you know.' Tino looked kinda… _dejected_. Why?

'I'm sure Berwald would be _happy_ to let you stay for a week. I mean, he's got a spare room.'

'That's not it...'

Now I'm just confused. 'Wait, what was it you and him were talking about?'

Tino flinched. 'N-_nothing!_ Uh, I mean, nothing important. Ehehe...'

...Huh? Am I missing something here?

* * *

I'd been to this apartment with some form of Tino _way_ too many times. The beginning procedures always went the same way, too: I'd punch Berwald's apartment number in, wait for the little light that told me there was a connection, then say something along the lines of, 'It's me, Tino's here too, let us in'. Then the doors would slide open and we'd take the lift upstairs.

And this time was no different.

Berwald's front door was already half-open by the time we got up there, as if he were expecting us. Which, I suppose, he _was_. He was waiting just inside the doorway, looking at us expectantly. Still in his uniform, of course.

'Hei. Uh, well, something's come up, so do you mind if we..?' I gestured down the entrance to Berwald's apartment. Berwald nodded, opened the door fully and began walking towards the main room. Tino and I left our shoes near the entrance, and, having shut the door behind us, joined Berwald.

As I remembered it, Berwald's apartment had been devoid of any decoration, aside from that table. Now, there was a big blue patterned set of curtains draped over the window, and the games we'd played when we came over on Christmas Eve were still rolled up and propped up against the wall. It wasn't entirely comparable to the more human Berwald I'd met last December, but it was nonetheless significant. _Right?_

'So... you know this Tino's from the future-' _wait_, everyone and their mother knows that. '-rather, from eight days in the future, don't you?' I asked.

Berwald nodded. '...ja.'

I thought as much. 'Do _you_ know why? Tino doesn't, and I don't.'

Berwald paused for a moment, but his reply surprised me. Surely he just had to synchronise with his future self?

'Nej. Cannot synchronise with past or future self.' Before I could comment, he continued. 'Restriction program in place.'

'Why?'

'Possibility of further errors.'

'Is this your boss' fault?' I mean, they tried to _delete_ him. If I hadn't threatened them, there wouldn't be a Berwald here at all.

'...The Data Integration Thought Entity approved of it. Placed it on myself, by my own will.'

He did it to_ himself?_ I know he rejected synchronising when we went back to December 14th, but I didn't realise he had deliberately restricted himself like that.

'Password's required t'break the seal,' Berwald continued. ''s governed by someone else. Can't do it myself, and don't want to. Gives me freedom.'

Freedom, huh? I wonder... if I could see the future, I'd know exactly what would happen, and probably wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it. Wouldn't that drive _anyone_ insane?

In which case, Berwald restricting himself like that makes perfect sense.

'B'sides, my highest priority is protecting Mathias Køhler and you. And m'wife.'

Back to the whole 'wife' thing, are we? 'And Eirikur? He _did_ say he'd betray the Agency for you.'

Berwald nodded again. 'Him too. If the enemy tries to interfere.'

'Enemy?' Tino asked. 'Like the one that made that creepy mansion?'

'Mm. Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence, the entity that did that. Similar to th'Data Integration Thought Entity, but exist in a different...' Berwald paused, as if searching for the right word. '...place. Never been any contact before, but they have noticed as well.'

'Noticed what?'

'Mathias Køhler.'

...Of _course_. Seriously, that idiot's a walking weirdness magnet, and he doesn't have a clue. _Sigh_... maybe one day he'll know what he is. But not unless stuff gets serious. Or rather, not unless _my_ burden gets so overwhelming that I just can't take it any more. Because honestly, keeping a secret like this gets more and more difficult the closer we get.

_Argh_. Somehow this is _my_ fault. I mean, I don't understand why he chose me of all people, but_ I'm_ the one that's going along with it, the one that's making things more difficult for myself.

But anyway, I can angst later when I'm on my own.

'Then this... Cosmic Existence thing, _they_ were the ones behind the incident on the snowy mountain?'

'Ja. The entity causing me significant stress 'n cutting me off from the Data Integration Thought Entity. However, this was just their way of communicating.'

Ok... _wha?_ That's a _rubbish_ way of communicating.

'They are completely different to us. 's no way of understanding how they think,' said Berwald.

'Isn't there any _other_ way of communicating? I'd love to know what they think of _darling_ Mathias.'

Berwald tilted his head slightly. 'If they create a humanoid interface like myself, it may be possible via speech. 's possible there may be some already.'

Huh, maybe. I'd be more surprised if there _weren't_ any, to tell the truth.

Tino yawned loudly, then covered his mouth as if surprised that we were watching. Berwald stood up from the table and began to head towards the kitchen.

''ll go make some coffee. Or perhaps...' He twisted his head back to look at us. 'Dinner?'

..._Wow_. That just _confirms_ the whole free will thing.

* * *

Tino waited with me at Berwald's insistence, since Tino was 'still a guest' and shouldn't be helping. It was rare to see Berwald... _enjoying_ himself like this. Even though his expression barely changed, being able to read Berwald's movements was a skill I was _particularly_ proud of.

Dinner consisted of meatballs and rice in some kind of sauce. After not too long, Berwald came back to the table with the dish ready to serve, headed back into the kitchen and returned with plates and cutlery. Ah, how my stomach _rejoiced_.

The three of us ate in more-or-less complete silence, aside from the clinking of cutlery against plate. Yet somehow, the mood in the air was _perfect_. The food wasn't bad either. Hehe. I don't think Berwald made the whole meal by himself - in fact, this sauce _definitely_ reminds me of a certain sauce you can buy in IKEA - which probably explains how it was ready so quickly, but there's nothing wrong with that if it's good stuff.

Still, lovely as the meal may be, once I'd finished... well, I couldn't stay _forever_, could I?

I handed my empty plate to Berwald, who took Tino's and stacked them in a pile. 'Takk for the meal, Berwald, but I need to get home.' I pushed back my chair and stood up, ready to leave.

Tino looked up at me, a little surprised. 'Aren't you staying?'

'Uh...' _Argh_, stop making that cute face! I have a _family_ to get back to! 'I'd like to... uh... but... you know. I'll... I'll come over after school tomorrow, is that ok?'

'I see...' Tino's face fell for a moment, but quickly reverted to its usual smile. 'Joo, that's fine! Berwald can look after me for tonight, right?'

The alien in question simply nodded. It may have been my imagination... but was that a spattering of _pink_ on his cheeks?

'Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then.' I began to make my way to Berwald's front door. 'Oh, and Berwald? You're getting better at this whole speaking thing.'

I'm serious. When he first told me about being a Humanoid Interface, seemingly every other letter was dropped from his words. Now it's almost perfect.

Tino called a 'Moi moi!' down the hallway after me, but the last thing I heard from our little Finnish time traveller was, 'Oh, Berwald? Do we have any alcohol..?'

Because, you know, _that's_ not worrying in the slightest. I'm barely out of the apartment, and Tino's _already_ trying to get hammered.

_Sigh..._

* * *

Walking home by oneself is surprisingly therapeutic. It's a good chance to think about stuff, and _hell_, was there a lot to think about.

Eirikur had said previously that everyone was changing, even Berwald. This evening had been irrefutable proof of that. Berwald said he'd limited _himself_ to give himself more freedom, which I'm sure nobody can blame him for.

Perhaps one day Berwald will be free of the Entity altogether. He'd just be a friend, a _bookworm_ of a friend, and we could shoulder our problems together. Then I wouldn't have to run to him if something bad happened... on the other hand, we'd have been stuck many times without Berwald's abilities. It's a bit of a sticky situation, really.

But you know what?_ I don't give one!_

I don't regret at all my decision to change the world back to the way it was after Berwald changed it. Call me selfish, but it's true. I much prefer a world where the SOS Brigade is one cohesive group of friends to a world where Tino... kinda _hated_ me, and where I'd never have met Mathias and Eirikur at all.

On the other hand, there's one thing I miss about that altered world. When Ivan brought over the borscht, just as I was leaving that time...

Berwald had smiled.

I really wanted to see that smile again, even just once.

* * *

A/N: Da naaaaa~ Well, I've got an ear infection so I was off school today, so I decided against doing something productive and wrote this instead. Aren't you all so proud of me? *shot'd*

Well, I spent yesterday reading Gutters... _yeah_. Apparently not crying at it makes me the most stoic person ever. So this chapter was entirely trying to lift my mood a bit. That, and trying to ignore that stabbing feeling in my ear. But enough about me, review! Um, ah, yes. I said nothing.

Next chapter, Norge gets more mail from Postbox Central- uh, his locker.

Until next time, adieu~


	94. Scheme III

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler III - Not Gonna Lie, This Is Mainly Filler

* * *

The next day, I was greeted by another envelope just _waiting_ for me in my locker. Considering what was going on, it was only logical for me to assume who that particular envelope was from. After all, he'd left one for me yesterday as well.

Did you know my locker was actually a postbox? In fact, it's not a locker at all. It's just got a perception filter to masquerade as one. Goodness knows why.

Still, reading the contents out _here_ would probably be a bad idea. I mean, _everyone_ could see me here. So, like any sane person, I hid around the corner. Well, why the heck not?

The envelope actually contained two notes. One was marked 'me first', so that was the one I took out and read first. One shalt not disobey the orders of the random scribble on the back of a note.

'In town, south of a park with a very familiar bench, there is a road where three no-entry signs are visible. Put the specified object on the pavement in front of the trees between 6.12pm and 6.15pm. Bring Tino Väinämöinen with you.'

That's what the note said. Below the text was a seemingly random jumble of symbols, and I didn't have a _clue_ what it was supposed to be. The handwriting was obviously Future-Tino's, but... It came with a rather badly-drawn sketchy kind of map, which I would have completely ignored if the X on it didn't correspond to what the note was instructing.

_Argh_, Future-Tino! What the hell is this supposed to mean?

Anyway, I re-read the note until I had it more-or-less memorised, then buried it in the deepest part of my bag. Yet another thing that letting Mathias find would be a _bad_ idea... Still, at least if I had to bring Tino with me, that gave me some vague idea of why Tino'd been sent back at all.

I arrived at the classroom half-expecting Mathias to explode at me, but there he was, sat in his normal seat, staring out of the window. He didn't even notice me there until I dumped my bag under my desk and greeted him. Seeing him so... _out of it_ was quite unnerving.

'Oh, Nor, hej. How's Hana?' he asked. Hana..? Oh, of _course_, Hanatamago was my Get Out Of Club Free card. I'd be hung, drawn and quartered if I'd forgotten _that_.

'She's... doing ok. I'll need to take this afternoon off as well, though... and _probably_ a few more days this week. Sorry.'

I kinda felt bad about leaving in this way, but Mathias just shrugged as though it were nothing.

'Eh, well, if it's something you need to do, then go ahead. I'm an understanding Brigade leader, I'll let you off for good reasons.' _...Wait, what?_ 'Still, tell Hana she's got to get better soon! How am _I_ supposed to manage if she keeps kidnapping you just because she's stressed?'

...Oh, Mathias, you... I felt my cheeks heat up a little as Mathias continued.

'So ja, I'll go see her later in the week. And if she's not better then, I'll _make_ her get better!_ Ha!_'

Note to self: ignore Elisaveta's giggling from the front of the room. _Ignore her._

Besides, if what Tino had told me was correct - which it _should_ be, considering he'd lived through it once already - then Mathias would be back to his usual self after not too long. There's no way Mathias could be dejected on a treasure hunt unless he didn't find anything. And considering this is Mathias, there's no way that nobody's going to find anything.

If there's nothing in the ground, then Mathias will _put_ something there. Of that, I can be sure.

* * *

By the time lunchtime came, I found myself wondering more and more how Tino would have managed at Berwald's last night. As long as Tino hadn't got himself _too_ pissed, then everything should be fine, right? Still... as soon as I'd finished eating, I ran over to the clubroom to go talk to Berwald.

And there he was, sat in the corner, reading. As usual.

'Uh... hei, Berwald,' I said. 'Where's Tino?'

Berwald stared at me for a moment. '...why d'you ask?'

'No reason. No trouble, I assume?'

Berwald turned his head to look outside. '...Not at all.'

Uh... _hei?_ I'm over here, not out there. Why the need to look away? Or is it something... that Berwald doesn't want me to ask further about? Either way, it's probably best if I _don't_ press further.

'...however, he's very tired.'

'Why?'

''s the general effect of excess akvavit.'

_...Skitt._ Wait, how the heck did Berwald get his hands on _that?_ I suppose he might _look_ old enough, but still... Eh, what do I know? And why am I worrying about _that_ after Tino got himself drunk out of his skull?

'So... where is he, then?'

'Home... sleeping.' Huh, figures.

'Right, ok. I need to go see him after school, is that alright with you?'

Berwald nodded, his attention returning to the doorstopper in his hands.

'Takk. You know...' I took a seat at the table as I tried to find the words. Words are slippery little bastards sometimes. 'I... Tino and I always end up relying on you, so I'm allowed to be worried, right?'

'...y'helped me a lot as well,' Berwald mumbled into his book.

_Huh?_ Well, if you put it like _that_, then I suppose, ja, I have, but still... you're the one that's helped us the most. Then again, Eirikur's usually next-to-useless, as opposed to me who's sitting on _top_ of useless. And Mathias, lovely though he may be, is _usually_ the one causing all the problems in the first place.

A chill wafted around the room. _Brr_. I suppose it was still February, but you'd think I'd be used to the cold by now. But I wasn't, so I switched on the heater.

'...Mm. So, what are your bosses doing, then?'

'...About?' Berwald asked.

'Uh... the extremists.' Like Ivan. That person who had me within three-and-two-thirds of a millimetre from death last December.

'Never completely agree. Main school's in charge right now.'

So the Entity is _far_ from perfect. I guess even aliens argue amongst themselves.

'You're in the main school, right?'

Berwald replied in the affirmative. As I thought. They wouldn't have let someone from the outside get so _close_ to their object of study. Presumably Ivan was part of the extremist group, hence the... _pipe_.

If I end up with a fear of plumbing, it's _entirely_ Ivan's fault.

'How many parties are there within the Entity, then?'

''s the Moderates, the Innovatives, the Compromise, 'n the Thinking. Those're the ones I know of.'

I see... I can just imagine Ivan somewhere up in space, arguing. It's quite an amusing image.

However, whilst imagining that I think I zoned out, because when Berwald next spoke it startled me.

'...tack.'

'Eh? For what?'

Berwald just stared at me. _What_, what is it? Why are you _thanking_ me?

Sigh... there's so much I don't understand about him and Tino. It's irritating.

* * *

It was on my way back from the clubroom that I bumped into two rather familiar faces.

'Ah, Norge! Hallo!' Gilbert was waving frantically, while the Tino stood next to him simply smiled. This would be the _original_ Tino, not the Tino that's currently over at Berwald's in whatever state he's in.

'Moi! Uh, is Hanatamago ok? Mathias said she went to the vet?' Tino asked.

'She's coping. It'll take some time to get better, but she'll be fine.'

'Ah, _good!_' It was strange to think that there were two Tinos- or rather, that there could be two Tinos looking _exactly_ the same. Sure, there's probably a few billion new cells, but going by appearances people don't change much in eight days. And yeah, I know, _Future-Tino_, but at least Future-Tino looks significantly older. Then there's that scar over his eye. I _still_ don't know how he got that, but since it's classified I can't ask.

'Awesome! Hahaha, Hana's losing hair like that? That's just weird!' Gilbert, naturally, was in hysterics.

'Norge, are you coming to club today?' Tino asked. 'We missed you yesterday.'

...Really? I'm _that_ significant? I suppose there _are_ only five of us. So sorry, but I have to go put something somewhere with your future self. Hope you'll understand. Uh, I mean, lying time!

'Sorry, I need to take Hanatamago to the vet's. Mathias already knows, don't worry.'

Tino looked a little sad at that. Like he seriously _cared_ about my dog's welfare. 'I hope she gets better soon.'

'She will. I just need to keep my brother away from her while she recovers.'

I waved goodbye to the two second-years, and continued on to the classroom. Said classroom, thanks to not having a heater, seemed _much_ colder than the clubroom I'd just come from. Which means I either join a group to conserve body heat, or I start making ice sculptures with my nose.

And pretty as ice sculptures are, I think poor Feliks and Toris look lonely over there.

* * *

A/N: YEAH I WRITE IN SCHOOL WHAT OF IT. At least my ears are mostly better now. Still need a blood test tomorrow for something completely different, but that's entirely irrelevant.

Honestly? Yeah, this chapter is padding. It made a little more sense to split here than halfway through doing something. Not that it's stopped me before, but... meh.

Next chapter, Tino and Norge go out and pull pranks on people. Sort of. And I finally get to play the Cameo Game! Yay!

Until next time, sbohem~


	95. Scheme IV

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler IV - When All You Have Is A Hammer, A Nail And A Drink

* * *

I left school as quickly as I could manage once it ended. There may have been plenty of time before we had to carry out Future-Tino's request, but I'd _probably_ need to spend time waking poor Tino from his drunken haze.

Future-Tino's note required a juice carton, a nail and a hammer. This was nothing more than a stupid _prank_... why did this need to be done? Still, his orders are law. Or something. I know first-hand how good Tino's aim is, and I don't need to experience it again with anything even _vaguely_ resembling that rifle Future-Tino's always got strapped to his back.

I gathered the required items from various places around my house, then cycled over to Berwald's apartment, my head lost among the clouds of thought. I could be reasonably sure that if something _really_ bad happened, Berwald would be doing all he could to protect us. He'd done plenty of _that_ already. I'm... pretty sure Mathias would go rampaging after any threat with an axe, then subconsciously destroy the world... or something like that. Thankfully, that hasn't happened. _Yet_. But still... I want to actually be able to _do_ something, rather than just standing around, making sarcastic comments and blundering through things when I need to. I mean, out of closed space Eirikur's as powerless as me, but at least he can look after himself.

But enough of this self-deprecation. I arrived outside Berwald's apartment, pushed the buttons for that apartment number and waited. It was a few seconds before the little light indicated that I had contact.

'...haloo..?' I was relieved to hear Tino's voice, although he still sounded half-asleep.

'Tino? It's me. Everything ok?'

'..._ish_. Nothing _bad_ happened, but...'

_Uh oh._ 'Can I come in, then?'

'Um, joo, one minute...' A short pause. 'I don't know which button it is... Never mind, I'll come down.'

'Ok.' The light switched off, and I stood back and waited.

I suppose it would have been fairly simple to figure out which button it was, but it wouldn't be so intuitive for someone from the future. I wonder just how far into the future Tino actually comes from? I don't even know for sure how old he is...

For someone so adorable, he's _very_ good at being suspicious.

It was a few minutes before Tino appeared in the doorway.

'Ah... moi. Did I keep you waiting?' he asked, making his way over to where I was standing, partially leaning on my bike.

'Nei, it's not a problem. So? What went on after I left?'

Tino looked away, probably focusing on that wall to the side of me. 'See, that's the thing... I can't _really_ remember.'

...That's bad. That's extremely... _not good_. I motioned for Tino to continue, which he did.

'I... think I may have had a _little_ too much to drink last night, so it's all a bit of a blur. I just... uh, well... ah, it's lovely weather, isn't it..?'

'Tino, you're not making much sense. Are you feeling ok?'

'Huh? Oh, joo, I'm... well, I ache in places I _probably_ shouldn't, but I'm fine, really...'

...I'm just going to take his word for it. Somehow I don't think I'd get much of a response from Berwald if I asked, and Tino couldn't remember, so it's... probably best not to ask what went on in that apartment. Maybe I don't want to know...

'Oh, of course, I forgot, could you give this to Berwald when you next see him?' Tino handed me a key. Wait, _key?_

'Why? Aren't you staying there for the next week?'

Tino sighed. 'I'd love to, but I don't really think it's a good idea seeing as I can't actually remember what happened. And I always feel like he's... vaguely _anxious_ around me.'

'Anxious?' How do you know what an anxious Berwald _looks_ like?

'It's just the impression I get from him. Like he's trying to figure me out. Or concerned.'

Oh, Tino... I think Berwald's been trying to figure you out for the last _year_. As have I, though for assuredly different reasons. And concern? He calls you his _wife_, of course he'd be concerned for you.

'It's just... don't get me wrong, I do really like him, but he keeps _staring_ at me. It doesn't scare me like it used to, but it's somewhere between creepy and endearing, leaning towards creepy. I don't think I'd be able to manage for the whole week.'

'Ok. I'll give the key back and try to explain to Berwald next time I see him. We'll figure out somewhere for you to sleep later.'

'Kiitos!' Tino laughed. 'Eheh, I kinda feel bad just _abandoning_ him like that, but...'

'I'm sure he'll understand.' Well, what _else_ could I say? Berwald wasn't around, so... 'Oh, I got another note this morning.'

I dug through my bag to find Future-Tino's note. It took me maybe half the time I was expecting, which was lucky for me. I handed the note to Tino, whose expression turned to one of surprise.

'Oh, a Mission Code! I see...'

'What's a Mission Code? Some kind of future language?' ...Come to think of it, it's quite fortunate that people in the future still use the same language as us. Languages evolve? Apparently not. Maybe people are required to eat a babel fish before travelling any significant distance through time.

'Ei, it's a code. Tells us that this mission is compulsory. We can't ignore this now.' Tino sighed. 'Norge, you'll help, right?'

'Of course, why wouldn't I?' Really, you _silly_ person, what do you take me for? If the mission's mandatory, of course I'll help. I've got the stuff, so why not?

'Ehehe, true, kiitos.' Tino took another look at the note. 'Right, so where _is_ this..?'

* * *

Once Tino'd figured out where we were actually _meant_ to be going, we set off. Tino rode on the back of my bike, while I did the actual cycling bit. It wasn't quite the time stated on the note, so we... took the scenic route, shall we say. Basically, once I'd chained my bike up, we wandered off somewhere until Tino remembered where we were supposed to be going. My watch read 6.10, and while it may not be as accurate as Tino's it still wasn't 6.12 yet.

We hid out in a hedge around the corner from the pavement that was marked on the map. The sun had set a couple of hours ago, so the streets were pretty empty. In fact, since this was quite a way away from any residential areas, barely anyone could be seen. It was... kinda lonely. On the other hand, if nobody's around, then nobody can see us doing what is essentially a cruel prank.

I mean, we needed a hammer, some nails and a juice carton. You can see where this is going, can't you? If you can't, good for you.

At Tino's nod, I ran out and began hammering a nail into the pavement. The ground was hard to get into, which is to be expected, really. Still, it meant I needed a lot of energy just to get _half_ a nail into the ground, especially when you're trying to be quiet.

I stuck the juice carton over the top of the nails, then ran back into our hiding place to watch the events pan out.

What was this for? We didn't have to wait long.

Soon after I'd placed the carton on the required spot, I noticed a man walking towards us. He appeared to have not spotted us, which was a relief, especially since he looked _seriously_ angry about something.

And then he noticed the carton.

He let out an irritated sigh, then swung his leg as if to kick the carton out of the way. Of course, the carton didn't move more than about two millimetres.

'_Mierda!_ What the- Who- _Aaagh!_' he shouted. I _hate_ to state the obvious, but he looked like he was in a lot of pain, clutching his foot like that. _That_ was the point of putting it there? To severely injure some random guy? Tino and I exchanged glances, and nodded.

We moved out of our hiding place, walking as though we were locals just passing through as we always did.

'Ah, are you ok?' Tino asked. 'Would you like some help?'

'Mm, sí.' Tino and I helped the man up onto his feet. Which was no mean feat, considering how large he was. 'Argh, who the hell did that? Sorta thing that stupid American kid'd do...'

...American kid? That wouldn't happen to be _Alfred_ from the Computer Research Society, would it..? Not that it mattered, of course. I knelt down to inspect the damage to my earlier handiwork. The nail had been completely bent out of shape, and there was a big dent in the side of the carton. I'm guessing this guy's pretty good at kicking things.

'Joo, it's just over-the-top and childish,' Tino agreed, as I pulled the nail out of the ground and slipped it into my pocket. 'How bad is it?'

'Uh, I don't think anythin's broken. Mighta twisted my ankle.'

'Ah, that does sound bad. We should get you to hospital,' Tino stated.

The man nodded in agreement and began hobbling forward. 'Couldja lend me your shoulder?'

I rushed forward so the man didn't fall to the ground. 'Should we call an ambulance?'

'Nah, I can call one myself if I need to,' he insisted. 'Oh, just to the main road.'

...I know I was just following orders, but I feel like this was _my_ fault.

'Problems at work, y'see,' the man continued. 'That, and there's this American kid near where I live who annoys the _hell_ outta me. So I guess I just got too angry at stuff... shouldn'ta kicked that box.'

'...The box shouldn't have _been_ there,' I replied, desperately trying to apologise without letting him know it was me that did it. It's tricky, don't try it. 'The ones to blame are those who nailed the carton to the pavement.'

'Sí, you're right! Argh, it makes me _mad!_'

I said nothing more, just helped the man to the end of the road. Guilt was hanging over me like a dragon just waiting to swoop down and _eat_ me... and I'm no Sigurd. Tino hailed a convenient taxi with almost _Eirikur-like_ precision, and I assisted the man in getting into the back seat.

'Gracias, you two. Sorry for takin' your time.'

_Nei_, nei, it was my fault anyway. If you have a problem, go take it out on Future-Tino, _he_ was the one that ordered me to do it and made it compulsory... But as I was thinking all that, he shut the door and the taxi drove off.

'...That's it, right?' I asked, just to be sure.

Tino sighed. 'That's it.'

...Was there any _point_ to that little exercise? We sent a man to _hospital_ after ruining his foot. Where does _that_ fit into the grand scheme of things? Hm? Answer me that, Future-Tino. You're playing with me and your past self, and it's getting on my nerves.

I don't like this at _all_.

* * *

It was about half past six by that point. Which left me with a problem - I couldn't let this Tino be seen by the other Tino or Mathias. Well, if it were Mathias that found us I could _probably_ argue my way out of it, at which point he'd accuse me of spending way too much time with Tino when Mathias is still in the clubroom, and anyway, what about Hanatamago? But if Tino saw himself he'd probably figure it out. Then again, this Tino did say he _hadn't_ seen himself, so... But that doesn't mean I should stop trying.

First things first, Tino needs somewhere to stay. For some reason, staying at Berwald's hadn't worked out, despite the whole husband-wife thing... I wonder, would I be able to put up with Mathias for a week if I were in a similar position? Wait, _bad_ example, that's the sort of thing he _can't_ know. Berwald? I don't see why not. But I guess he and Tino are just... wait, nei,_ I'm_ the strange one in that respect. Right?

...And _this_ is why people confuse me. _Aaaaaargh_.

Taking Tino back to mine is simply _not_ an option. This is something that needs to be kept secret, and sadly my brother has a _broken_ zip on his mouth. Unless... oh, how could I forget _him?_ Of course, _that's_ where Tino can stay!

'Shall we go, then?' I asked.

'Joo, but where are we going?'

'To someone who _might_ just let you stay for the week without asking too many questions.'

We made our way back to where I'd left my bike. Tino once again took the back, and we set off in the direction of where I'd thought of not two minutes ago. After all, Tino has friends in his _own_ year, so...

Do you think a certain silver-haired rich person might have a spare room?

* * *

A/N: ...Aaaaaanyone still there? *shot'd* The man was Cuba, in case you hadn't guessed. [And yes, he did mean 'tack' as in thanks in Swedish. Really, why would Berwald suddenly be talking about drawing pins?]

I'll most likely be spending the next couple of weeks desperately trying to pull some kind of future together for myself, then making cosplays. Two different Norway cosplays, hellz yes ^^ Ok, ok, I did Viking Norway earlier in the year, but that's really not the point. And this time I'll have my Denmark with me! Woo! Um, ah, yes. Stoic face. -_-+

Next chapter, Tino gets himself a new home. And said silver-haired rich person is vaguely suspicious.

Until next time, adios~


	96. Scheme V

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler V - White Death From The Future

* * *

The place I stopped at was one the entire Brigade would recognise. This was the place I got dangerously close to punching Mathias in the face, although he would have _entirely_ deserved it. That big stupid fancy house, not too far away from the 'lake' that was actually a giant pool that nobody was supposed to be allowed into... Still, there was no chance of anything too bad happening, right?

After all, this _particular_ person was sure to look after Tino well.

'Huh? Why are we here?' Tino asked from the back of the bicycle. '_He_ shouldn't know about me...'

'Don't worry, I think I have an idea. Oh, and while I think about it, pick yourself a new name for the week.'

Why a new name? You'll see. Because there's nothing like that awkward pause when trying to come up with a fake name. People always end up taking names from stuff around them, so you end up with names like Enrico Box from a brand of _pizza_... or something like that.

Tino and I clambered off the bicycle, and I chained it up to the fence.

'Mm? Ok... _hmm_...'

Whilst Tino was busy thinking of something, I rang the bell on the intercom at the end of the driveway. We couldn't just sidle up to the house, there was a gate in the way. And wonderful as it may be, I can't fly over it or walk through it. I suppose if I got too desperate I could dig, but I don't have a spade and can't be bothered.

No response came.

I rang again. Three times, in fact.

Still nothing. _Typical_, of course when we show up there'd be nobody-

'Norge, Tino! Hallo!' And so Gilbert _finally_ showed his face, running towards the gate from the door of that mahoosive house. 'What is it, how come you're both here so late?'

For someone so well-off, he was dressed surprisingly casually. I mean, how may rich people do you see running around in red hooded jackets like _that?_

'...It's complicated.'

'Eh? No Mathias? So not awesome.'

'Ja, he was busy. How did you know it was us?' I asked.

'Camera, obviously! I got an awesome security camera at the gate, so I knew right away!' Gilbert laughed, opening the gate to let us in. Tino and I followed him up to the front door of that stupidly large house. 'That's why I came out! What's up?'

'Well...' I cleared my throat, trying to remember the exact script I'd come up with while waiting. 'Could you let him stay for the week?'

'Huh? Sure! You mean Tino, right?' Gilbert looked surprised, stopping before we could enter the house. 'There has to be a reason why he can't go home... How long?'

'Uh... Eight days maximum.'

'Ok, that's fine! There's a quiet bit at the back of the house where nobody goes, unless I need to think, so ja, you can stay there!' Gilbert took a closer look at the Finnish time traveller stood next to me. It was... _difficult_ to guess at what he might have been thinking. '...Tino, something wrong?'

Before Tino could respond, I cut across. 'That's not _actually_ Tino. It's his twin.'

'Pfft, _twin?_'

'Ja, twin. Separated at birth and all that.' I gestured at Tino, who nodded.

'Joo, I'm Simo. Simo Väinämöinen.'

'Simo, huh?' said Gilbert. 'Does Tino _know_ he has a twin? Never mentioned it to me!'

'Like I said, separated at birth.'

'Then why's he wearing a North High uniform?' Gilbert asked.

..._Faen_. Should have thought of _that_. Improvisation time!

'He... uh, how should I say this... he wanted to find Tino, so got himself a uniform. Didn't find Tino, so he left... which is when he bumped into me and told me everything.'

Gilbert looked thoughtful for a moment. Did it work..?

'Ja, ok. He looks like Tino, so he'd be an _awesome_ twin. No point explaining further, you'd just get tired, haha! Sure, you can stay here.'

'And you _can't_ let Tino know he's here,' I added.

'Ja, ja, of course.'

Tino smiled. 'Kiitos! I'm really grateful for this!'

'Awesome! Come on, I'll show you where you can stay!' Gilbert grabbed Tino's hand and pulled him off towards the back of the big house.

_Good grief_, he's got a lot of energy.

* * *

The 'quiet bit at the back of the house where nobody goes' bore a great resemblance to Gilbert's mansion in the mountains. Apparently that one was built using this one as a model. I suppose it's the same sort of thing as having a relative with the same surname. Unless you're Icelandic, of course, in which case it's all patronymic.

Yeah, that's ok, I'll just go back to my_ pokey little house_ once I'm sure Tino will be fine...

Gilbert turned the heater on, and left to get us some coffees. Tino breathed a sigh of relief as he left.

'Phew. Glad _that's_ sorted,' he mumbled.

'Ja, it's lucky we have someone like Gilbert,' I agreed. 'Also, _Simo?_'

'Joo, Simo! As in Simo Häyhä, White Death.'

...Given Tino's aiming skills, that's a _disturbingly_ good pseudonym. Apparently this man's legend of badassery survives way into the future... in Finland, at least.

'I _see_. I _really_ ought to thank Gilbert for this once it's all over.'

'Eh?' A loud voice from the doorway told me that coffee had arrived, with Gilbert and a tray attached to it. The coffee is _clearly_ more important. 'You talking about me?'

'Of _course_, we just couldn't stand your awesomeness and _had_ to talk about it,' I replied. Remember, kids, sarcasm solves everything.

'Hahaha, thought so!'

...Not that some people realise that.

We drank our coffee in relative silence. Gilbert invited me to stay for dinner, but sadly my parents wouldn't have been too pleased if I'd eaten out two nights in a row without telling them. Stupid paranoid parents. So, of course, I had to decline. I don't know whether it's a sense of relief at finally getting Tino somewhere to stay, or just general exhaustion from running around doing stuff all the time, but I was pretty tired by that point anyway.

Gilbert followed me out to the front door, leaving Tino in the lounge to finish his drink. I assume it was to show me the way out, since this place is so huge, but it certainly gave him an opportunity to talk about 'Simo'.

'So, they're twins, ja?' he began. 'It's _weird_. They're so similar, but somehow there's something different about Simo...'

'They're _different people_. Obviously they wouldn't be carbon copies of each other.' I mean, sure, they're the same person from different points in time, but they've had different experiences, and for now that makes them decidedly _not_ the same.

'Haha, I guess that's true.'

We continued making our way through the house, until I stopped. It took a few seconds for Gilbert to realise.

'_Eh?_ What is it?'

What _is_ it? I'll tell you what it is. You're asking far too few questions, and it's _strange_. 'Gilbert, you said before that the rest of the Brigade weren't exactly normal. How much do you know?'

Gilbert's face changed to one of surprise. 'Not much, why?'

'And even though you _know_ they're not normal, you're not asking further?'

'Nein, why would I? I don't need to know.'

I sighed. 'That's good to hear. T- uh, _Simo_ doesn't like it if you ask too many questions.'

Whoops. Nearly slipped up there. Gilbert appeared not to have noticed, though.

'I don't really care about other people's business,' he said. 'B'sides, _I'm_ busy enough as it is. Mathias knows too, right? If he dragged me into your Brigade, the world would explode from sheer concentrated _awesome!_'

'...Ja. _Awesome_. Right.'

'Right! So _you_, Norge, you must have the weight of the world on your shoulders or something! Hahaha!' ..._What?_ 'And I know Tino'll always follow what you say. So if ya want to do anything stupid, do it with Mathias, ok?'

...Stupid like _what?_ Still, at least I have permission from Gilbert to do what I like with Mathias. Because I clearly _needed_ that. Come to think of it, I haven't done much with Mathias recently, being busy with this whole Tino thing... pfft, some boyfriend _I_ am.

Well, one more day of school and we'll be off digging up a mountain.

* * *

Once I'd managed to escape Gilbert's _labyrinth_ of a house, I unchained my bicycle and set off. I didn't get too far, however, before a certain _someone_ stepped in front of me, blocking my path.

'Gilbert, hm? Interesting choice. There's nowhere safer than that, although I don't entirely _approve_ of you involving him in all of this.'

It had been two days since I'd seen this most- well, second-most impassive of faces. I say second-most because of Berwald, and I'm not sure where _I_ show up on this list of eternally-blank expressions.

'...Hallo, Eirikur. Fancy seeing you here.'

'Já, it's quite a coincidence. You're good at coincidences.'

'_Am_ I now.' How can you say something like that about _me_ when Mathias exists? _He's_ the master of coincidence.

'Indeed you are. Now, what are you doing that's so important without _telling_ me about it?'

Well, _excuse_ me, princess. 'This is mine and Tino's problem. Go play with your Celestials and stop bothering me.'

Eirikur sighed. 'I can't _do_ that if there are none around. Besides, I was out on a walk.'

'Walk, _right_. Walking the _puffin_, I assume?'

'As you can see.' Surprisingly, the puffin said nothing.

'What do you _want?_' I asked. Rather quickly, the conversation took a new direction. Left at the traffic lights and straight down the street of suspicion.

'There are _two_ Tino Väinämöinens in this time plane.' So he _did_ know. Of course, the Agency knows everything unless it's something important. 'I'd like things from your perspective.'

I gave Eirikur a quick run-down of the events of the last two days, along with everything Tino had told me about the eight days he'd just lived through and would have to do so again. I mentioned that Tino couldn't remember what had happened last night, and Eirikur just gave me a funny look. Is there something he gets and I don't? It's _really_ annoying.

'...I see. So you told Gilbert they were _twins_, and he bought it?' Eirikur asked.

'Yep, he bought it. No idea how.'

'Because it's _Gilbert_, that's how.'

He said it so naturally, but there was still _something_ that didn't make sense. When he's not hiding behind his massive ego, Gilbert seems to know _way_ too much for someone who's not 'in' on the whole thing.

'Eirikur... what _is_ it with Gilbert? Why don't you _approve_ of his involvement?'

Eirikur sighed. 'Gilbert... is not to be harmed, under orders from my superiors. Actually, he doesn't have _anything_ to do with this. In fact, we weren't supposed to meet at all, but when Mathias is around...'

'Hm. Always Mathias' fault. First rule of everything.' Except for when it _isn't_, of course. Looking at you, Berwald. 'When did it go wrong?'

'I don't know. Our arrangement with the Beilschmidt family is that we don't interfere with them as long as they don't interfere with us.'

...Don't just say something so _surprising_ like that.

'Gilbert's family are among the Agency's supporters,' Eirikur continued. 'As for Gilbert himself, he really is just an ordinary second-year. For all we know, he could be off doing his own _awesome_ things by himself, but that has nothing to do with us or Mathias.'

A supporter of the Agency, huh? _And_ friends with Tino... Like I said, coincidences. They're everywhere. Like flies. Only coincidences don't have muck on their feet.

Still, you have to wonder sometimes.

'Anyway, nowhere _safer?_' I asked.

'Já. Tino may be from the future, but our current theory is that the future can still be changed.'

...Which is the total _opposite_ to what you said in the snowy mountain mansion place. These Agency nutjobs seem to go through a theory a month, just throwing something new at me every now and again to confuse me. Bleh, espers.

'As in _what?_'

'As in, it's not fixed. The future is still a rather fuzzy area for us. Time travellers like Tino can still go back and change things, but it's much easier for those in the past to change it. If you know what could happen, you can change it.'

'And how can someone know the future? If time travellers weren't around, that would be impossible.'

'Says _who?_' Eirikur gave me one of _those_ looks. The 'oh-how-can-you-be-so-stupid' look that I absolutely despise. 'There are aliens, time travellers, espers and a reality warper in our Brigade alone. I never said those were the only types of people that existed. Remember Francis?'

'All too well... But that's not the point!'

'Who's to say there aren't _clairvoyants_ running around? Vampires? Ghosts? Elves? Mythological deities? If Mathias believes something exists, then there's nothing stopping it from existing.' Eirikur paused for a moment, while I glared at him.

Now he's just being _obnoxious_.

'...Of course, that doesn't mean they _do_ exist. It's a possibility, já, but not a certainty.'

I slapped my hand to my forehead. All Eirikur's _nonsense_ was making my head hurt. 'Eirikur, _why_ can you never give me a straight answer? _Do_ they exist, or not?'

'I don't know. I'm a low-ranking person within the Agency, so there's a lot my superiors don't tell me.'

'_That_ sounds familiar.' That's pretty much the same as what _Tino_ said about his bosses, them not telling him much.

'Indeed. Of course, regarding Tino, I think he's kept in the dark so that he doesn't unintentionally mess up the future by overanalysing his mission. Or give away information that would make _us_ act. All we know about him is that he is required in this time plane; beyond that we know nothing. I suspect if we found out his purpose, it would be bad for the future.' Eirikur shrugged. 'Then again, maybe that's why he's here at all. To keep the Agency from making a hasty move...'

_Wait_. I think Eirikur mentioned once that there was some bloody stuff going on behind the scenes... that's a scary thought. 'So are you and Tino _hostile_ at all?'

Eirikur looked away. 'Not _us_, really. It's more an enemy-mine situation.'

'Hm?' This was... _worrying_.

'I'll use an analogy. Napoleonic Wars, there's Denmark-Norway and there's France. They don't really bother each other, but they're not on the best terms. Now, along come Sweden and England. Denmark-Norway and Sweden have been fighting on and off for the last few hundred years, and of course, the English and the French have hated each other since _forever_. England and Sweden ally, England attacks Copenhagen twice, so Denmark-Norway and France find it in their best interests to ally themselves against the common enemy. Do you understand?'

'...Eh, _wha..?_' Sorry, wasn't listening. Are you sure that's all correct? And anyway, wasn't _that_ the war that split Denmark and Norway up..? Your analogy is a _failure_.

'_Norge_...' Eirikur sounded like a particularly stern teacher at that point. Until he went into _sulk_ mode. 'Hmph, _fine_. If you're not listening, there's not much point in staying.'

'Hei- Eirikur-' I called, but he'd already turned and started walking away. _What?_ What did I do wrong?

'See you in the clubroom,' he muttered quietly, and disappeared off into the hedges.

...How can he be so mature one moment, and so _childish_ the next?

* * *

Once I'd arrived at home, I grabbed myself a snack and headed straight upstairs. I figured that even if somehow he knew already, it would be a good idea to actually _tell_ Berwald that Tino wouldn't be staying there for the rest of the week.

After two rings of the tone, Berwald picked up. He _must_ have known it was me, otherwise he would have said something.

'Berwald, hallo. Uh... It's about Tino.'

A short pause, and then...

'...ja?'

I told Berwald the main details about what happened with Tino, while he listened in complete silence.

'...understood,' he mumbled through the phone once I'd finished. He said it in the same expressionless voice as ever, but I couldn't help but hear some _sadness_ in that single word.

'Are you sure?' I asked.

''s only fair.'

'How so?'

I got no response. What's he keeping quiet for?

'Berwald, what happened? You _must_ remember.'

Another pause. '...can't say.'

'Why?'

'Against the rules. Against _his_ rules. Don't want to get him in trouble.'

This was just too suspicious, but if _Berwald_ wouldn't answer then there really wasn't much point in asking further. Then again, if it's for _Tino's_ benefit-

faen, _Tino! Wife..._ oh, poor Berwald. I feel bad about all this now.

We spoke for a short while longer, then I hung up. Despite the general awkwardness of the situation, it seemed that everything would be ok. Not brilliant, but ok is a start, right?

I aimlessly glanced over to the side. Sleeping in the middle of my floor was Hanatamago... which reminds me, should I chop off some of her fur in case Mathias makes a surprise visit?

_Sigh_... how long do I have to keep lying about my dog? _Agh_, I could have asked Tino before I left Gilbert's place! So _stupid_. Idiot me. I mean, I don't even know if I actually turn up to club tomorrow. Honestly, I've been gone for _two_ days and it already feels like I'm neglecting everyone.

...Particularly _Mathias_.

When Tino showed up in the cupboard, he didn't have _anything_ with him. No phone, which means no contact. Hell, I don't even know how it would work having two phones in the same place with exactly the same number. I somehow doubt phone companies compensate for time travelling. If I want to contact _that_ Tino, I need to call Gilbert...

I don't know if it's what Eirikur said, but somehow I don't really feel like calling Gilbert right now. Whether what Eirikur said was true or not... _argh_, how is it he can give explanations like that without even thinking about it? For all I knew, 74% of it could have been made up on the spot.

_Sigh_... I'll probably get notes from Future-Tino tomorrow. I'll take it from there.

I lay on my bed for a while, and ended up dozing off. I _would_ have managed to get some sleep, if it weren't for a certain brother of mine coming in after having a bath.

Annoying lillebror.

* * *

A/N: ...It's a tough line to tread when nobody's reviewing. On the one hand, reviews are wonderful, but on the other you really don't want to sound bitchy... So instead, I'll just talk about the chapter. *innocent whistles* I tried to be as accurate as I could with the Napoleonic War analogy, but I'm far from an expert, so if anyone wants to correct me, go ahead.

In other news, Simo Häyhä! I've waited quite a while to actually get a reference in xD Commonly regarded as the best sniper in history, so... yeah. [Also, Koizumi talks a load of bullcrap. It's hell trying to sift through it all to find something useable...]

Next chapter, 'Simo' and Norge need to move a rock.

Until next time, toodles~


	97. Scheme VI

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler VI - Rock, Paper, Mountain

* * *

As I expected, another letter turned up in my locker the next morning. I knew it had to be coming, but it still annoyed me that Future-Tino couldn't, say, tell me in person. I mean, there's plenty I would like to talk to him about, and I can't do that if communication is entirely one-sided. Maybe this is what it was like when-

wait, nei, never mind. What's on the letter?

'Scale the mountain. There is an oddly-shaped rock which you must move approximately three metres west and leave. Tino Väinämöinen knows what to do. It is advised that you do this before nightfall,' was what the message read. Below the message were more scribbles, similar to that of the Mission Code from yesterday.

...Looks like I won't be showing up to club _today_ either.

Rock? Mountain? Oh, of _course_, the treasure hunt. Tino did say that there was a big mountain behind Gilbert's place, so presumably it's that one. Then... Gilbert would still be involved. I still don't understand how Gilbert can just buy the story of Simo Väinämöinen just like that, but for the sake of my sanity I'm going to pretend it makes perfect sense. Of course, if we were off doing something, then that meant Mathias would soon be back to his usual loud, hyperactive, annoying self.

Which is a _damned_ sight better than the somewhat gloomy-looking visage that was presented before me when I reached the classroom.

'Hei,' I called, making my way over to my usual seat by the window.

Mathias looked up suddenly, as if he'd been sleeping with his eyes open and I'd just cruelly woken him up. 'Hm? Oh, Norge, hej. How's Hana?'

Somehow I felt we'd had this _exact_ same conversation yesterday... 'She's doing well.'

'Good.' That was_ it?_ I leaned over a little, to try to see any trace of that stupid grin in his face... but nothing appeared.

'...What's the matter?' I asked, poking his elbow.

Mathias just swatted my hand away. 'Nothing's the matter. I'm _fine!_ Just... been thinking, that's all. You... you don't have hayfever, do you?'

'Nei... why?' What an odd question.

'No reason.' Mathias sighed. 'You're not showing up today either, are you..?'

'_Sorry_... I can't entrust Hanatamago to my brother, so it's my job to ferry her to the vet's again.'

'Huh... I suppose it's good for Hana to have someone reliable. It's only natural, right? You know if you or any of the Brigade got ill I'd be over there in a flash. Oh, when Hana's better I'm coming over, ok?'

He's talking like Hanatamago's a member of the Brigade, or something like that... But still, if he _wants_ to come over, then fine. No major objections here.

I nodded, and Mathias started drawing pictures on the condensation-coated window.

* * *

I have a _strong_ suspicion that being distracted by the SOS Brigade is the sole reason for my bad school performance. Thanks to mentally planning my afternoon with Tino, I ended not paying much attention, keeping my head down and pretending to read. Not that it looked any different to normal; I tend to keep to myself anyway. Still, at least I did better overall than _Feliks_. That's something, at least.

Once class had ended, I gathered all the textbooks I'd been pretending to use into my bag, and made my way out of the classroom, only to be interrupted by a dejected-looking Feliks on class duty.

'Norge...' he sighed. 'I, like, totally admire ya or something...'

His voice was tinged with spite. What the _heck_ was this about?

'Oh, Feliks!' Toris piped up from the vacuum cupboard. 'You look like you've been _abandoned_, being all depressed like that. What's up?'

'Abandoned,_ totally!_' Feliks snapped. 'She just showed up and told me it was totally all a_ mistake!_ I mean, what's _with_ that?'

This would be... his girlfriend from World Academy? Or... well, I suppose it would be ex-girlfriend now. I'd extend some sympathy, but I doubt Feliks would take it. I mean, _I've_ got _Mathias_, I'm _definitely_ alright.

Wait, if Feliks is getting all depressed because of _that_, is Mathias' melancholy due to me not spending that much time in the clubroom for him to annoy? Sigh... Roll on tomorrow, if it'll cheer the _idiot_ up.

'Anyway, you should totally go now. Like, you're disturbing my cleaning.'

'Hm? Oh, ok. Ha det.' And with that, I left, pondering the situation as I made my way home.

* * *

I grabbed my bike and headed straight over to Gilbert's place. I thought of phoning Gilbert and getting him to send 'Simo' out to meet me, but Gilbert wouldn't be home so that scuppered _that_ plan. Regardless, I called the phone in Gilbert's mahoosive mansion place and let it roll out from there.

'Hallo?' An unfamiliar voice buzzed down the phone. They asked for my name, but it seemed that Tino would be expecting me since that's all they asked for.

...I had to give them 'Norge' as a name, since using my actual name wouldn't mean _anything_ to them.

They handed over to Tino, who responded before I could even say hallo. 'I'll meet you out the front, wait for me there!' he said, before hanging up.

Apparently time travellers are psychic. Why he never displayed this _particular_ ability before is beyond me.

Or, y'know, it could just be that he was _expecting_ me to call.

In any case, meeting in person would be a _much_ more efficient way of conveying information. I mean, I don't have the first clue what this Mission Code thingamawotsit is, but he can decipher it almost immediately. Why didn't I think of that earlier?

I'd been to Gilbert's place enough times now that I knew the route off by heart. It was _cold_, cold enough that it would probably end up snowing before too long. Which wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

Once I finally arrived at Gilbert's, Tino peeked his head out through the doorway, then ran out to meet me. He wasn't in the North High uniform, instead wearing clothes that I can only presume belonged to Gilbert.

'Moi! I can't really go home to get stuff, so Gilbert lent me some clothes. They're actually _really_ comfortable!' he said with a smile. 'Though, they're a little too big for me...'

'Then, you don't remember losing anything?'

'I... didn't really think to check. Ehehe...'

'It doesn't really matter. Here.' I fished around in my pocket and handed Tino the note. 'That's another Mission Code, right? Then, this one's compulsory as well?'

'Mm_hmm_.' Tino nodded. 'This would... probably be Gilbert's mountain, right? Oddly-shaped rock, huh... Right, I _think_ I've got it.'

'You do? Please, do tell.'

Tino laughed. 'It's the site of the treasure hunt, I think.'

'Hang on, didn't you say... Did we _really_ not find anything?'

'Nope! Well, not as _such_.'

'Yeah?'

'Nope! I'm not saying any more! That's classified information!' he said, winking.

..._Right_. That's _incredibly_ reassuring.

'Anyway, I can't get much more from this. Maybe if we take a trip up there, I might remember something?' Tino suggested.

I nodded, getting back on my bike. Tino climbed on behind me, which gave me sudden flashbacks to yesterday.

That person I met outside Gilbert's... was that _really_ Eirikur, or just someone who sounded and looked a lot like him? I don't see who else it could have been, but it had been dark and I couldn't get a good view of him.

Eh, I'm worrying over nothing. Best just to get up that mountain, eh?

* * *

The mountain in question was east of North High. To be perfectly honest, though, it probably wasn't tall enough to _strictly_ be called a mountain. More like a tall hill than a mountain. Still, technicalities didn't really matter. There was no clear path available, meaning we'd have to _climb_ our way up.

And it looked like the sort of hill that even the most nimble of monkeys would have difficulty climbing.

'Joo, this is definitely the place,' Tino commented. 'Let's go!'

I chained up my bike to a nearby tree. It may not be the most brilliant of ideas, but there's hardly going to be a proper stand around, is there?

'Are you sure it's ok to just walk up someone else's mountain like this?' I asked. 'This is technically trespassing.'

This would roughly be the point where Mathias would charge straight in, yelling 'We're intruding!'. But I'm _not_ Mathias, and neither is Tino, so that isn't going to happen.

'Oh, Gilbert said it would be fine! Uh, I mean- well, I _suppose_ it would be tomorrow for you.' Tino sighed. 'Treasure hunt and city-wide searching soon...'

'And... you said something about a big Brigade raffle?'

'Hn? _Oh!_ That's... that's... classified. For now.'

For now? _Hmph_. He's keeping stuff from me again. There seems to be some kind of flow of authority between the bajillion (read: three) different versions of Tino. Something like... uh... Future-Tino-'Simo'-Tino, in descending order.

I shrugged. 'It doesn't matter, I'll find out in the end. Let's just get this stupid mission done, ok?'

Tino nodded, smiling. 'Ok!'

And so we began our epic hike up Gilbert's private mountain-hill-thing. The setting sun didn't leave us that much light to go by. Tino didn't seem that bothered, but there were stones and twigs and tree roots everywhere just waiting to trip us up and send us back to the start, a sort of roll-a-six-to-escape type situation. I lost count of how many times Tino and I slipped, but fortunately neither of us fell altogether. That would have been _hell_, that.

It was pretty clear that this wasn't _really_ meant to be walked on.

After about ten minutes of solid climbing, we reached a plateau in the hill. I stretched out and collapsed down onto the grass. _Damn_, that was a lot harder than I was expecting.

'Ah, joo! This is the place,' Tino told me. 'There, I think_ that's_ the rock we need to move.'

He pointed to- wait, that's a _rock? Nei_, that's not a rock! That's a friggin' _boulder_, not a rock! 'Are you sure that's the one?'

Tino nodded. '_Really_ sure. I've been up here once already, remember?'

'...Oh yeah.'

It was pretty weird-looking; I suppose it looked like a turtle's back more than anything else. Though, with all this overgrowth around, it was pretty hard to spot. If Tino hadn't been around, I would have been looking for a _very_ long time.

Lucky Future-Tino told me to bring Tino along then, isn't it?

'So, we've got to move this thing three metres west, right?' I checked over the note once more. 'Fine, whatever. Give me a hand, will you?'

'Of course!' Tino and I gripped hold of the rock and began to pull at it. Only then did we realise that about a third of it was still buried in the ground. The_ hell?_ This is _definitely_ a boulder!

I shuffled backwards as Tino shuffled forwards, and we shifted the rock a certain distance before putting it down again. Once Tino had let go, he took a few steps back and looked over our work.

'Hm. Shift it more this way, you're a bit over three metres,' he called. I pushed the rock until it rolled forwards a little. It's lucky this part of the hill is flat, really. 'That's it, that's about right.'

I stepped back to look at what we'd done. Sitting there like that, it really _was_ an oddly-shaped rock. Almost gourd-like. Gourd-like and white. A big, gourd-like white rock standing in the middle of some overgrowing plant matter; yep, that stands out.

'Let me guess, Mathias is going to dig under here?' I asked.

'Yep.'

'And you're _certain_ there was nothing?'

'No treasure, ei.'

That doesn't rule out anything that_ isn't_ treasure. But if he's not telling me, there's no point asking.

I sighed. What was the _point_ of all this? First we sent a guy to hospital by injuring his foot. Now we've moved a rock a short distance to somewhere where Mathias won't find anything. All that with no explanation for anything. What the _hell_, Future-Tino?

And that _rock_. One half is still white, the other half is covered in dirt from where it was buried in the ground. Even an _idiot_ would be able to tell that rock's just been pulled up from the soil. Oh, and did I mention the giant _crater_ left behind where the rock had come from?

'Tino, what about that great big hole in the ground? What was that like?' I asked.

'Oh, um...' Tino thought for a moment. 'Nobody said anything at the time, so I didn't really notice. All Mathias was on about was digging holes...'

Hm. Time to fill in the _plot_ holes, then.

We gathered loose twigs and leaves to cover over the hole. If only so it'd be a bit less obvious. It wasn't very convincing - I mean, the efforts of two high-school-age guys is hardly going to have the same effect as years on years of weathering - but it did the job reasonably well.

Which was just as well, because it was getting dark rather _rapidly_.

Luckily for us on the way back down, I'd remembered to bring a torch. I led the way this time as we shuffled back down the mountain-hill, Tino clinging to my arm every time he slipped. Pfft, like _my_ footing's any better.

By the time we'd got back down to the base of the hill, a few drops of rain had begun falling from the sky, and it was truly dark.

And after about five minutes, those few drops had turned into a full-on _downpour_.

_Stupid_ weather.

* * *

With Tino safely on the back of my bicycle, I pedalled as fast as I could back to Gilbert's place, to get out of the rain as much as anything. Said silver-haired rich... um... _person_... was already waiting for us out at the front, standing under an umbrella, wearing that same red hooded jacket as yesterday.

'Norge, Simo! Hallo again!' he called to us. 'Where've ya been? Whatever, it doesn't matter. Oh, Simo, you're filthy! Come inside and we'll get ya cleaned off. Haha, coming in, Norge?'

'Um... I _do_ have a family to get back to, so sorry, but nei,' I replied.

'Haha, you know I was _joking_, don't you?' Gilbert laughed. 'Oh ja, here!'

He pulled out an old-looking scroll of paper and handed it over to me underneath the umbrella.

'What's this?' I asked. I was just playing along, though. It was pretty _obvious_ what it was.

'It's a treasure map! Really old one, too!'

'Are you sure you want to _give_ this to us? I mean, if there _is_ treasure there, then...'

'Oh, _nah_, I can't be bothered to hike up there just for that!' Gilbert answered. 'Make sure that gets passed onto Mathias, ok?'

..._Hmph_. Figures he wanted to get it to _Mathias_ over anyone else. I'm just the packhorse/workbitch here.

'Ja, I'll pass it on for you. I don't know why you can't do it _yourself_, but since _I'm_ here and he isn't...'

'Haha, danke! Have the umbrella, you've got further to go than us!'

Gilbert handed the umbrella over, leaving him and Tino- whoops, Gilbert's around, he's Simo now. Leaving Gilbert and _Simo_ out in the rain.

'Oh, takk. Look after Simo, please.'

'Will do. Tschüss!' Gilbert waved, before he and Simo turned to go back inside. Back into the _dry_.

So there I was, stood under an umbrella with a rolled-up piece of parchment. With nobody around it was quite... _lonely_. I held the umbrella in place with my neck as I turned to cycle home.

I didn't run into Eirikur on the way, this time. Which was a shame, because I would have liked some _answers_.

...All that work had made me hungry.

* * *

A/N: GUESS WHO'S BACK. ...Me, sorry, were you expecting someone else? Haha. I was busy with NaNoWriMo during November [which I didn't win, sadly. I got to just over 30k... reasonable, I guess, but next year I should do much better! *determination*], so I feel I've been neglecting you lovely people. Oh well. Here's a chapter.

So... yeah! NaNoWriMo, London Expo [which was FUCKING AWESOME, running around all weekend as Norway xD Weirdly enough, there were three Denmarks, but I think I was the only Norway. Oh, wait, there were the mediaeval ones I never got the chance to catch. Sadface.] and... well... stuff. Yeah, I'm descriptive.

Next time, Mathias finally does something. Involving that map! Duuun!

Until next time, avskjed~


	98. Scheme VII

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler VII - Le Gasp, A Giant Hill

* * *

Well, the weather the next day was nice enough. There was less of a harsh chill than previous days, certainly - it was only a matter of time before the sun would actually be rising _before_ I left the house in the morning. That'd be nice.

Once again, I made my way over to my locker, expecting a letter from the future. This time, though, I was accompanied by an inexplicable feeling of dread. What half-baked, _inane_ schemes would Future-Tino send Tino and me on this time?

I was greeted, as I expected, by a letter.

I was also greeted, as I did not expect, by _two_ identical letters alongside it.

Well, I say 'identical', but each was marked with a number. Sitting there in my locker were letters marked '#3', '#4', and '#6'. Goodness knows where #5 had disappeared off to. Did that make the rock one #2, the nail one #1 and the first one... I dunno, #0? Can you get a number zero letter? Hm. What would be the word for that? Zeroeth? Zeroth?

It didn't matter. Having hidden myself around the corner, again, I tore open letter #3. I was beginning to get used to this whole letter routine, but that didn't mean I liked it at _all_.

#3 read as follows: 'Saturday. There is a footbridge close to somewhere that Tino Väinämöinen knows well. Find the footbridge and look south. There is a patch of lily-of-the-valley growing there. Pick up the object below and send it to the enclosed address anonymously. The object in question is a miniature transmitter.'

Future-Tino had scribbled out a vague map of somewhere I didn't recognise, along with another drawing that I presumed to be the transmitter thingy. Honestly, though? It more closely resembled something by M.C. Escher than anything sensible.

Eh. Onto #4.

'Near a familiar river, there is a bench both you and Tino Väinämöinen know well. Before 10.45am on Sunday, bring a small turtle to this location, and before 10.50am, throw the turtle into the river. The species does not matter; however, smaller varieties of turtle are preferred.'

Future-Tino had included not a map, but a cartoon-ish doodle of a turtle blowing bubbles saying 'Please take care of me!'. Which was surprisingly _cute_, but...

A familiar river? Since Tino's involved, that narrows it down by _quite_ a lot. But throwing a turtle into a river for seemingly no reason? Hmph. This makes no sense whatsoever.

Both #3 and #4 ended with an identical postscript. 'PS: Bring Tino Väinämöinen with you, and make sure it is just the two of you.' Oh, and _more_ Mission Codes. Brilliant.

The last one, on the other hand, specifically requested that I keep it secret from Tino, reading only 'Meet me at the bench where we met that Midsummer once everything is over. I'll be waiting.' _Over?_ When would 'over' be? When I sent Tino back eight days?

...Or was there something _else_ going to happen?

Confused as all hell, I stuffed the letters to the bottom of my bag and headed straight up to the classroom. I'd barely entered the room when a _very_ loud noise came to meet me.

'Noooooooor!' said the loud noise, having run over from his usual seat by the window to stare down at me, a very excited expression on his face. 'Come on, then! Show me!'

...Am I missing something here? 'Show you _what?_'

'Whatever it was Gilbert gave ya, duh!' The loud noise stretched his hand out, expecting me to hand something over. What the _heck_ happened to his doom-and-gloom mood from yesterday? He's like a completely different person...

Everyone in the room had turned to stare at us, a fact I couldn't fail to notice. Didn't do much for my comfort levels, I can say _that_.

'...Could I at _least_ get to my seat before you start demanding things from me?' I asked. The loud noise shrugged and returned to his seat. I glanced around the room one last time and joined him over there.

...The 'loud noise' was Mathias, in case you hadn't guessed. Who _else_ would it be?

The map had only just surfaced from my bag when Mathias snatched it and spread it out across his desk. 'Looked at it yet?' he asked, frantically scanning the map.

'Nope.' Which was the truth. Gilbert had asked me to pass it on to Mathias, and that's what I planned to do with it. Nothing more.

He looked up and stared at me. '_Wha?_ Nor, it's a _treasure_ map! _Treasure!_'

'So? All I'm going to get from _that_ mountain is backache.'

'Feh, Gilbert shoulda passed it on to me straight away. No point giving it to you!' Mathias grinned that devious grin of his. 'I mean, it woulda been nice as a surprise, but...'

'Mathias,' I started. 'How did you know I had the map anyway?'

'Gilbert phoned me yesterday. You were walking Hana, weren't ya?'

'Um... _yeah_, yeah, I was.' Gilbert probably came up with that to cover for Simo... It was _raining_ yesterday, Mathias, why are you believing such_ lies?_

'Hehe, good to know she's better. That means you can come to club today!'

...Takk, Gilbert. You've just _ruined_ my excuse. Still, Future-Tino's other orders don't seem to begin until Saturday, so there's nothing I actually _need_ an excuse for...

Although, to be honest, it _does_ feel like I've been neglecting everyone in favour of Simo. Sigh...

'Ja, I suppose I can-'

'A-_HA!_' Mathias interrupted. '_There_, there's where the treasure is! It must be!'

I peered over to get a look at where he was pointing. The map was probably of that same mountain I climbed yesterday. It looked a heck of a lot like it, certainly. Trouble was, the sentences dotted around the edge of the map didn't make any sense, which was when I realised-

'Mathias, this is in German.'

'Well, _duh_. The Beilschmidt family is obviously German,' Mathias stated. 'Good thing I understand German, eh?'

Not for my health, it's not.

'Here,' Mathias pointed to one particular sentence at the bottom of the scroll. 'As far as I can tell, it says 'There is something very valuable buried here that only my descendants may uncover. Whoever seeks it, dig here.' Something like that.'

'...You do realise this is one of _Gilbert's_ ancestors saying this?' I asked. 'How do you know it's not some huge practical joke?'

'Nor, why would this be a joke? Hmm... treasure, where are yoooouuuuuu...' Mathias scanned the entire map at least twice, before leaning back in his chair, sighing. 'Eh, if we put enough effort in, we can find it.'

'_We?_ Exactly who is going to be searching?'

'The SOS Brigade, of course!' Mathias began. He was cut off by the teacher walking into the room, at which point he hissed a 'Meet in the clubroom later, and keep this a secret, ok?' at me and promptly shut up.

Well, I suppose Tino _did_ warn me this was coming, but...

* * *

One thing I shall never understand is just how to actually pay attention in class. _Someone_ told me once that the best way of doing that is to not think of anything unrelated to class, and paying attention doesn't matter that much. It sounds simple enough... but, y'know, the best-laid plans and all that. It's easy enough to not pay attention, but when there's so much interesting stuff going on outside...

Clouds and birds, mostly. Managed to find a cloud that looked kinda like a crown. Now that was interesting.

Oh, and there was just that tiny matter setting up a house at the back of my mind about Future-Tino's notes.

And so, once the extra-long lecture was over for the day, Mathias grabbed onto the back of my collar and dragged me off to the clubroom. I... don't think he'd done that for a while. I'd call it a nice throwback, if it weren't cutting off my air supply at that moment.

He _really_ didn't need to do that. I would have come along anyway. I mean, I'd spent the last few days feeling like I'd been neglecting everyone, why _wouldn't_ I come? So annoying...

Still, when he finally burst through the door with the force of five hurricanes, it felt like I'd finally come home.

'Hej, everyone!' Mathias yelled, yanking me through the doorway. 'Look who I've managed to drag over!'

I freed myself from Mathias' grip and closed the door behind me, then turned to look at the other residents of the clubroom. Berwald was in his usual seat by the window, reading, and barely seemed to acknowledge our arrival.

'Long time no see, Norge,' Eirikur said. 'How's Hanatamago? If she's still sick, a friend of mine has a relative that runs an animal clinic, so...'

I groaned. 'Eirikur, you know too many people for that to be totally honest of you.'

'And what, _precisely_, is wrong with knowing people?' Eirikur huffed. 'One meets many people through their lifetime. Have you never heard that there are a maximum of six people between every single person in the world? Through friends, friends of friends... Really, the only people I don't have some kind of contact with are people not of this world.'

Well, you know, aside from _Berwald_. And whoever else just happens to be, as you so put it, 'not of this world'. I'm sure there are more of them, more Humanoid Interfaces... or just aliens in general.

Come to think of it, I haven't met any sliders yet. That's... _probably_ a good thing.

'Moi!' Tino called from the other side of the room, busy making coffee for Mathias and me. It was... rather strange to see him there when I knew he was at Gilbert's right now, but then I reminded myself that they were _different_ Tinos. 'I heard there would be an important meeting today?'

'Yep!' Mathias nodded enthusiastically. 'Super-important, so it's a good thing everyone's here! For _once_...'

_...Three days._ I was gone for _three_ days, doing pointless things with Tino's future self, and you're acting like I'd disappeared into another universe for months on end!

I glared at Mathias as he made his way over to the computer desk, but he didn't seem to notice. He just moved the monitor out of the way and perched himself on the desk. It's not like there's a chair at that desk or anything.

I took a seat at the table, and Tino placed a fresh mug of coffee in front of me with a smile.

'Oh, Norge?' Tino asked. 'How's Hanatamago? It's not because we took her somewhere too cold, is it?'

'Hanatamago's... much better now.'

'Good! Perhaps I should bring Sardine Picnic over at some point. I'm sure they'd love to play together for a while!'

Hanatamago... and Sardine Picnic... playing... _too much cute_.

Tino brought Mathias his coffee, and... um... not much happened for a while. I wondered what Mathias was waiting for, why he'd announced that and not continued with it, but after listening to Mathias humming to himself for a few minutes we found out.

Because that's when a knock at the door came, and Mathias leapt off the desk to open it. That's weird. He doesn't usually open the door to anyone.

...But of course, an exception can always be made for Gilbert Beilschmidt and his sheer _awesomeness_.

'Hallooooo! You got the map, then?' Gilbert entered and kicked the door shut behind him. 'Haha, I guess ya could call this map a family heirloom, but it was buried under such un-awesome rubbish I almost missed it!'

And that's when I noticed where the map in question was; stuck to the whiteboard with four magnets. Mathias had taken some kind of cane and was pointing to it, so _how_ I'd missed it before shall forever remain a mystery.

'So there!' Mathias announced to the room, whacking the map with his cane. It's a wonder he didn't _tear_ it, doing that. 'You're not to mention this to anyone outside the SOS Brigade, got it? Except Gilbert, of course.'

Oh, _please_. The only people I really talk to aside from the Brigade are Feliks and Toris, and they switch off if I mention anything Brigade-related.

'With that said, we, the SOS Brigade, are going on a treasure hunt tomorrow!' Mathias continued, beginning to pace in front of the whiteboard. 'If we wait too long, someone else is gonna come along and dig it all up, and that would be terrible! So, meet at the usual spot tomorrow and we'll make our way to Gil's mountain from there! Oh, don't worry about equipment and stuff, I'll handle that.'

...I expected as much. I mean, I'd heard about the event from Simo, but what _didn't_ surprise me at all was the way Mathias just announced it like that and didn't ask anyone what they wanted. Typical Mathias, that.

From the expressions on everyone's faces, I doubted they were particularly surprised by this either.

'Ah, a treasure hunt?' Tino was the first to respond. 'Then, perhaps I should get some food for a break...'

'Mm, já, that _does_ sound like a good idea,' Eirikur agreed.

Berwald just stared.

'Good! That's the spirit!' said Mathias, grinning. 'If we _do_ find something, it'll get split equally between us! And with Gil for lending us the map, of course!'

Gilbert laughed. 'Awesome! Oh, better than that, you guys can have 90% of it between ya! I'll be busy tomorrow, so I won't be helping out.'

90% as opposed to... what, 83%? You're _so_ generous, Gilbert.

His gaze seemed... _odd_, somehow. Just as he turned away from me, Tino glanced at me and laughed. Hmm... looks like Gilbert hadn't breathed a word to anyone. That's good to know.

But still, Gilbert seemed _way_ too involved with things for a mere outsider. Baseball, movie, mountain... And this time, he'd gone straight to Mathias- well, sort of. Straight to Mathias through me, anyway. But it's like he _wants_ to keep close ties with us. I really can't help but think he knows a _lot_ more than he's letting on.

For now, let's pretend Gilbert's not at all suspicious... and turn our attention to Eirikur.

His expression was _just_ as strange, if not stranger. I'd run into him after dropping Simo off at Gilbert's place the first time, hadn't I? He'd mentioned Gilbert's family being supporters of the Agency, so would that make Gilbert superior to Eirikur? For all I know, Gilbert could be conveying orders via body language.

...Maybe I'm just reading too far into things.

And then Mathias prodded me with the cane.

'Nor? Are you even _listening?_' he asked, leaning down into my face at a distance where he could easily breathe down my neck. 'Hmph. Tino, you're secretary, remember?'

'Um, joo, ok...' Tino grabbed a marker and stood, waiting, in front of the whiteboard.

'_Right_ then! Everyone be sure to dress plainly, getting fancy stuff dirty would be stupid!' Mathias stood back in his original position and began giving orders, which Tino hurriedly scribbled down on the whiteboard. 'Nor, Eirikur, you two don't need to bring anything. I'll grab some shovels, and... hmm... We'll need compasses, torches, a map... Not the treasure map, I mean a proper map of the area. Oh, Tino, you're in charge of bringing food for everyone! And ya never know what could happen, so we'll need flare launchers and emergency food...'

Exactly _which_ mountain are you planning to climb? Seriously, Mathias, we're _not_ going to need that sort of stuff. This is nothing more than a particularly large hill, it's hardly Galdhø Peak standard. Unless the Existence thing Berwald mentioned the other day decides to sabotage our trip again, we'll be fine. In fact, Simo mentioned nothing of the sort, so...

Still, Mathias continued to spout off nonsense, and Tino's list got longer and longer until it couldn't fit on the board any more.

'Uh, Mat?' Gilbert interrupted. 'I've been up that mountain enough times, it's _really_ not that dangerous.'

'Hehe, I _know_ that. Then we'll be counting on _you_ if we run into trouble!'

...Then you weren't serious about that stuff at_ all? Dammit_, Mathias, stop wasting time like that.

'Ok, everyone, I think that's it,' Mathias announced. 'Let's work hard to uncover Gilbert's ancestor's treasure!'

This was utter, _utter_ nonsense. Still, there was something oddly calming about seeing Mathias back to his usual self and not moping at the back of the classroom.

Although since we wouldn't find anything, the trip tomorrow would be pointless.

* * *

The rest of the Brigade meeting was spent speculating on what this hidden treasure could be. Though since none of us had much of a clue, it was a case of wild guessing and stabs in the dark.

When Berwald closed his book, that seemed to be the cue to leave. Once our stuff had been gathered, the Brigade plus Gilbert made our way down that _stupid_ hill towards home. Mathias and Gilbert were out at the front, cheerfully discussing the treasure hunt, which made it nigh-impossible for me to ask Gilbert how Simo was doing.

Eh, I can call later... and maybe go visit. After all, it's tricky to convey everything in the letters over the phone.

The Brigade dispersed somewhat once Berwald's apartment came into view. As was usual, Berwald headed off without saying anything, Tino waved a cheery 'moi moi', and Eirikur just nodded and left. Once Gilbert had headed off, Mathias surprised me with a hug from behind, resting his head on my shoulder.

'_Mm?_ Making up for lost time, are you?' I asked. He laughed softly.

'_Course_ I am. You haven't been there.'

'Hmph. You know if- uh, if Hanatamago hadn't been ill, I'd have been there as usual, idiot.'

'But you _weren't._ So, here I am making up for it.'

'Then at least let me turn round and do it properly.' Mathias loosened his hold for a moment, and I turned to face him before hugging him back.

'_Ah_... Probably ought to be getting home now,' Mathias mumbled. 'See ya tomorrow, and don't you _dare_ be late!'

And with his laughter ringing around, Mathias let go, flashed one last _stupid_ grin at me, and ran off in the direction of his home.

I walked for a short while towards my own home, until I was absolutely sure nobody else was around; then I slipped into a side alley and phoned the Tino waiting at Gilbert's. Tino was put on the line once I'd mentioned who I was, just like last time.

'Haloo? Norge?' Tino's voice came crackling through the phone.

'Hallo. I got _more_ letter things.'

'Oh? Um, what do they say this time?' Tino sounded... _anxious_.

'It... would probably be better in person. They do say I'm free from these messages today and tomorrow, so...'

'Ah, of course. The two days after tomorrow, we went on more of those city-wide searches,' Tino told me. 'I do remember you acting quite... _strangely_, though.'

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

'Mm... I'm coming over, is that ok?'

'Ok, joo. See you in a while then, I guess.'

A beep from my phone told me Tino'd hung up. So... off I went, walking over to Gilbert's place, _really_ wishing I'd got something better than this worn-out coat to keep the wind out.

I swear, the sooner this crazy scheme is over, the sooner I'll actually be able to get some rest.

* * *

A/N: I... most definitely did not disappear anywhere. Nope nope. And... oh, there's nothing to respond to. Okey.

I hope I'm not confusing anyone with the whole Tino/Simo switch thing. Ah, this arc is just turning out to be super-long... well, it's the longest novel in the series, I think. I'm not sure how 9, 10 and 11 fit in, but meh.

Next chapter, Simo and Norge talk about stuff.

Until next time, I bid thee farewell~


	99. Scheme VIII

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler VIII - Cranking Up The Adorable

* * *

Once again, Gilbert was the one to open up the gate once I arrived at what I'm now dubbing Beilschmidt Manor. I don't know if the place _has_ a name, but that's what I'm calling it now. He hadn't even changed out of his uniform, the lazy- wait, calling him lazy would make me a hypocrite. It wouldn't be the first time, but...

'Haha, I thought I'd see _you_ here,' he laughed at me. 'He can't just stay here and stare at the ceiling the whole time, what are you going to do with him?'

That... is a _very_ good question. Well, I know at some point I'm going to need him for two more missions, but I don't know the specifics.

'I'll be doing... _stuff_ over the next few days. You don't mind putting up with him for that long, do you?' I asked. Gilbert grinned.

'Not at all! Haha, he looks _so_ much like Tino, but he's somehow cuter, don't ya think?' He laughed a funny sort of 'kesese' laugh. What even _is_ that? 'I tried offering him beer the other day, and he just pulled a funny face and said 'I don't think that's a good idea'! Ah, Simo's just too adorable!'

'...Ja, _adorable_. Are you going to let me _in_, or not?'

'Hm? Oh, ja, sure!'

Gilbert led me through to the room where 'Simo' was sitting, half-asleep, on the floor. He jumped up once he noticed our presence, smiling that smile that could probably be its own light source.

'Oh! Norge, uh... moi!'

'Hei. Oh, Gilbert, could you leave us for a while?' I asked.

Gilbert's expression morphed into a sly grin. 'Ohoh, you can have _all_ the time you like. Just the two of you, in here... _alone_... ksese.'

'_Gilbert!_' Simo squeaked. 'I wasn't going to...'

'Haha! Oh, you're too _cute_, you know I didn't mean a word of that,' said Gilbert, smirking. 'Well, I'm off. Tschüss!'

And with that, Gilbert departed. Simo let out a sigh. Once Gilbert's footsteps had died down, Simo and I took a seat on the floor.

'So, you got more messages from my superiors, did you?' he asked.

'Oh, ja, hold on a second.' I rummaged around in my bag until I found the letters. Making sure to keep #6 hidden, I handed notes #3 and #4 over to Simo, who began scanning through them.

A quick reminder: #3 - Find transmitter thingy hidden in poisonous flowers and send anonymously to a seemingly-random address. #4 - Throw a turtle into the stream for no particular reason.

Simo tilted his head in confusion. 'Why_ turtles?_'

'No idea.' Which was the honest truth. Why not a pebble? Did it need to be something alive?

Simo sighed. 'It seems we don't have any choice, again. There must be a reason for all this... What happens if we don't do this?'

'See previous comment. I don't know any more than you.' Simo looked gloomy for a moment there. It's annoying doing all these tasks and not knowing why. 'Oh, there are searches in a couple of days, right? How do I do these things if I'm half-busy with that?'

'Hmm...' Simo thought for a moment. 'You were definitely there that day, I'm certain of that. I think the first day you were paired with Eirikur in the morning and Berwald in the afternoon, then the second day you were paired with Berwald again. There was only one draw on the second day. Quite a coincidence that you end up with Berwald _twice_, isn't it? Ehehe...'

Coincidence. _Hm_. Would it have been, though? If the draws go differently to how Simo remembered it, then this whole thing would be ruined. The chances of ending up in that exact combination, paired with Berwald exactly when I needed to do things with Simo... I know it's just as likely as any other combination, but the chances of that happening is pretty damn low.

Berwald would know what was going on. Maybe I could ask him to fix the draws. The fate of the universe depends on it, or some such nonsense.

It's not like _Simo_ would remember if I did so or not.

'Do you think Berwald would be willing to help us?' I asked. 'It's best not to leave things to chance, although I hate to ask for his help yet _again_.'

Simo nodded. 'That's what I was thinking. You did have a really weird expression when drawing, so I guess _that's_ what was on your mind, mm?'

'...Weird as in _what?_'

Simo made a strangled sort of noise. 'I don't know, just... _weird_.'

_Not_ helpful in the slightest.

'Oh, I remember! We were at the book store on the second day-'

'Why in the heck does Mathias think he'll find something strange in the _book store?_'

'...Um, maybe he was looking for mystery novels? Anyway, that doesn't matter, what matters is that Mathias got a prank call.'

'From?'

'You, of all people.'

..._What_. _Why?_ Damn you, future self. Don't make things even _more_ awkward.

Simo sighed and continued. 'Well, he got pretty annoyed, said something like 'Dammit, Nor, there's no need for a stupid joke like that!' once he'd hung up.'

That doesn't tell me anything much. I don't know what Mathias would take seriously or take as a joke, but given that he didn't believe me when I told him the rest of the SOS Brigade consisted of an alien, a time traveller and an esper, it really could have been me telling him _anything_.

'What kind of joke was it, do you remember?' I asked.

'I don't, sorry. But once we'd gathered for lunch you apologised. 'Sorry for making such a stupid joke', you said. That was it, he didn't mention the call again.'

I tried pressing further, but Simo wouldn't tell me anything. Hmph. I don't like not knowing why I did stuff... or rather, will do stuff in the future. Bleh. Tenses. How do I used tense?

'...So, turtles. Where are we going to get a small turtle?' Simo thought.

'There's a pet shop near my place where I get food for Hanatamago,' I remembered. 'I'm _pretty_ sure they sell turtles in there. I'd have to leave it with you, I can't exactly cart it around the city, but...'

'Oh, that'll be fine, I'm sure.' Simo smiled, and I suddenly felt buried under all these plans.

Pfft, weekend. _What_ weekend?

And that's when Gilbert decided to poke his head in through the doorway. 'You anywhere near finished?'

I glanced over at Simo, who nodded.

'Ja, we're done,' I said. 'I should probably get going now.'

Had he been listening in? It was impossible to tell. I didn't ask, though, simply remaining impassive as Gilbert led me back to the front door.

Well, I can kiss any thoughts of time to _myself_ a sweet goodbye.

* * *

_Beep-beep-beep-beeeeeeep..._

The morning came much sooner than I would have liked, or so it seemed. I was awoken when my brother came rampaging into my room, shut the alarm off and picked up Hanatamago to play with. It wasn't until I'd managed to chase him out of my room that I remembered what lay in store for the day ahead.

The _pointless_ mountain-digging excursion.

This _would_ be the part where I spend even longer being annoyed at stuff I can't do anything about, but I've done that enough already. Let's just... skip straight to meeting up with the others, ok?

I didn't bother taking my bike. We were going to Gilbert's place, after all, and I can walk home from there easily enough. Of course, the down side to that was that it took even longer to get there than normal, which meant-

'Nor, late as usual!_ Penalty!_'

Predictable as always. Mathias and the others were already gathered, staring at me. One of these times I'm actually going to remember to show up _extra_-early. Then _he'll_ be the one buying drinks. _Ha_. See how you like _that_, oh great and powerful Brigade meister.

'Hm? Nor, what's the matter? Something wrong?' Mathias asked. 'Hana sick again?'

...Well, let's see, I don't _particularly_ want to go digging up a mountain to find sweet fuck-all, it's absolutely freezing, and you're penalising me _again_. Nope, nothing wrong at all.

'Nei, Hanatamago's fine. I'm just... _cold_,' I replied, tugging on the ends of my scarf as if to prove a point.

'Hehe! In that case...' Mathias grinned and started towards me, which was slightly worrying.

'No hugging. Let's just get going.'

Mathias' face fell. 'Eh..?'

Sorry, but I'm _really_ not in the mood for this. I've got enough on my mind without _you_ annoying me.

Carrying shovels, we made our way towards the bus. Or at least, Eirikur and I were carrying shovels. Tino had his hands full with a bag full of lunchboxes - their mere existence saved my wallet for today, but I knew it'd be suffering in the near future. We probably looked ridiculous carrying shovels around in the city like this, but I tried my best to ignore it.

At least the bus we took was relatively empty. I suppose that's _one_ good thing.

* * *

The mountain wasn't the same as when Simo and I climbed it the other day. We were going from a different side, but since the route we were taking was longer there was less of a steep incline. When I went with Simo, we went straight to the place with the funny rock thing, whereas today we were taking a more roundabout path.

Not that it could be called a _path_ anyway. It was pretty much just one huge mass of gathered stone and plant matter, with plenty of branches and twigs just _waiting_ to trip the unwary traveller.

'Something wrong?' Eirikur walked alongside me, shovel over his shoulder to mirror mine. 'Looks like _you_ think this is all a waste of time.'

'Hmph. You mean you_ don't?_' I sighed. 'The only one enthused about this is _Mathias_.'

'Mm. And you're blaming _him_ for having to climb this mountain, hence the lack of affection earlier, is that right?'

I stepped over a particularly large tree root. '...You were paying attention to _that_, of all things. Jealousy again, I assume?'

That's what it seems to be _most_ of the time.

'Jealous? _Me?_ I don't know what you're talking about,' Eirikur replied, before speeding up his walk and catching up to Tino.

...I don't think I'll _ever_ understand him. Then again, I said that about Mathias...

* * *

We continued walking for about half an hour. Mathias led the group at the front, taking us up and around Mount Beilschmidt until he was satisfied with our position.

'_Here_ looks like a good place!' he finally announced. We'd gone about halfway around that stupid mountain by this point, then curved back and reached the summit. 'If _I_ were burying treasure, I'd put it somewhere easy to find! Gilbert's ancestors _must_ have thought the same, so they must have put it in an obvious place!'

...What utter _nonsense_. This coming from the one who won't believe his _own_ Brigade members are an alien, a time traveller and an esper. Hell, I _told_ him. Besides, if you wanted to _hide_ something, surely you'd put it in somewhere nobody would think to look? The point of hiding something is that nobody will find it. Isn't that obvious?

Oh wait. _Mathias_.

Since Eirikur and I were the ones with the shovels, _we_ were the ones immediately put to work. Hmph. Because bringing more shovels wouldn't have been a good idea at all. Nope nope. _What_ equal workload?

Wherever Mathias pointed, that was where we had to dig. We found absolutely _nothing_, unless your particular area of interest happens to be small rocks and soil. Then, since leaving holes at the top of a big hill like this would be a danger to anyone silly enough to be passing through, we had to put _all_ that dirt and rock back again. _Doubling_ our workload.

...I feel somewhat mistreated here. But there's absolutely no point in complaining, is there..?

Oh, _screw_ this.

'Mathias?' I asked our leader, who was at that point in time perched on a nearby boulder so he could point places out to us with greatest ease. 'I don't think we're going to find _anything_ up here. We're not even sure this treasure of yours _exists_.'

'Huh? Of _course_ it exists!' Mathias answered. 'I've got a treasure map and everything!'

'Are you planning to _flatten_ this mountain? We haven't found anything yet.'

Mathias thought for a moment. 'Well, of course the treasure _exists_... but maybe burying it on top of the mountain would be too reckless. That and climbing up would be too much trouble... Perhaps it's lower down the mountain?'

...Couldn't you have had that epiphany _earlier?_ That would have saved so much effort on my- I mean, on mine and Eirikur's parts.

'Nor, dig _there!_' Mathias ordered, pointing to another spot on the ground. 'I'm going down to have a look, ok?'

And off he went. Rather than dig a hole as he said, I stuck my shovel in the ground and went to sit over on the blanket with Berwald and Tino. Eirikur can dig, and I'm tired already.

Tino handed me a flask of warm coffee, which I gladly accepted. After all that work, _any_ form of nourishment was more than welcome. I took a few mouthfuls, then handed the flask back to Tino. He smiled and put it away again.

'It's a lovely day for February, isn't it?' he asked. I nodded in agreement. He sighed, and continued. 'It's a little scary to think that come April I'll be a third-year... You'll be second-year, then, won't you?'

'Yeah,' I agreed. Second-year, hmm... that's assuming I manage to _pass_ this year. Likewise for you.

'I'd like to be in the same year as you all, though. It's strange being the only one older than everyone else! O-oh, there's Gilbert as well, but...' Tino trailed off.

'You know, if Mathias wanted you to stay in the Brigade even after you've left, that'd certainly be the case,' I pointed out. 'You'd still get dragged along if you suddenly went to a different school entirely.'

Like he was planning to do in Berwald's alternate universe...

'Ehehe, that's true. I wonder...' Tino thought for a moment. It looked like he was about to continue, when Mathias burst back onto the scene.

'What, you're _resting?_' Mathias laughed. 'Heh, you've been working for a couple of hours now. I think it's time for food, don't you?'

'Ah, joo, good idea!' Tino agreed, before delving into the bag full of sandwiches.

'Food it is then. Hej, _Eirikur!_ Get over here, we're eating!' Mathias called. Eirikur, having finished replacing the dirt in the hole, stuck his shovel in the ground next to mine and joined us on the blanket.

'Good. I'm quite hungry after all that digging,' Eirikur stated.

'I had a look down the mountain just now,' Mathias began. 'It's hard to dig when there're trees around, so it'd be buried somewhere without trees, right? But I _found_ somewhere without too many trees, so I say once we've finished we go dig there! Oh, and it's easier to get home from there, too!'

That'd be the plateau with the big white gourd-like rock. The one where Simo and I came the other day... hopefully Mathias won't notice anything suspicious about the area, but nothing's certain with him.

'Food first, though,' I said.

'Of course! Here!' Mathias handed me a sandwich from Tino's bag.

'Takk.'

Mathias grinned, and began munching on his own sandwich. Really, if one ignored the dirt on Eirikur and me, one could easily mistake this for us being on a picnic.

Even Mathias. He looked as though he'd forgotten about the treasure and brought us out just for a picnic. Knowing him, that was _too_ strange considering Eirikur and I hadn't found anything. Actually, Mathias had been _especially_ confusing lately. There was that whole melancholy phase, then suddenly he was lively and enthusiastic as if nothing had happened. I don't really get it...

Still, this is _infinitely_ preferable to closed space, or that time he made trees bloom in November.

* * *

Five people on a picnic together is actually quite fun. Berwald's motor-speed eating is a reassuring familiar sight. Mathias is bursting with energy, Eirikur is his usual self, and I'd say Tino was fine... except there's still the whole Simo thing putting me at unease.

But sitting there, watching the group discuss what they'd do with any treasure they found, any thoughts of the messages from the future flew out of my mind via my ears and dispersed into the air. It felt like _nothing_ could go wrong.

Nothing could go wrong... yeah, I should _keep_ thinking like that. Just follow the instructions tomorrow and the day after, then this whole thing should be over. Hopefully. Unless Future-Tino decides to send me _more_ pointless messages.

Once everyone had finished eating, Tino cleared everything away. Mathias grabbed the shovels and handed them both to Eirikur, while Berwald folded the blanket ready to be carried. Eirikur just sighed and passed one of the shovels to me.

'Right, let's_ go!_' Mathias announced, before charging off down the mountain. _How_ is he able to keep his footing on this mountain? _Really_...

Tino slipped a few times. Berwald was close enough to catch him, though. Eirikur and I were carrying the shovels, so couldn't be of much assistance, but oh well, Berwald's there to save his _wife_ from falling.

'Here!' Mathias called, having already reached his destination. The rest of us caught up before too long, though. 'Don't ya think this place looks strange?'

'Indeed, this _does_ seem to be an unnatural plateau,' Eirikur agreed. I looked around. Ja, this was _definitely_ the place where Simo and I came the other day. The white rock was in the same place as we'd left it, but it didn't look as conspicuous as it did before. The rain had washed some of the dirt off the rock as well as darkening the white bit, so there wasn't much of a difference between the parts that had been buried and the parts that had been exposed.

Mathias scanned the area, and I suddenly felt my breath catch. Was he going to find something he shouldn't..? He took a closer look at the white rock... pushed it over with his foot and sat on it. Phew. He didn't seem to notice anything odd.

'Right, then!' Mathias announced. 'Berwald, Tino, your turn to get digging. Nor and Eirikur were _useless_ and didn't find anything at the top of the mountain, so you two should have better luck!'

'Oh, ok. I'll do my best!' Tino smiled, as he took the shovel from me. Berwald had placed the blanket on the ground, and Tino had put his bag on top of that, so once Berwald had taken the shovel from Eirikur we took a seat on the blanket.

If I were still digging, I probably would have headed straight for that position where the rock used to be. Simo and I had tried to camouflage the spot, but it'd still look out of place under close scrutiny. But that spot was _exactly_ the place where Berwald had placed the blanket. Was that intentional? _Probably_.

The second phase went much like the first. Mathias would point to a spot, Berwald or Tino would dig there, they'd find nothing, the hole would get filled in again. Just like Simo told me, nothing was found at _all_. At some point I joined Mathias on the rock, leaning on his shoulder as he barked out orders. Leaving Eirikur on the blanket with a notebook. I would have asked what he was scrawling in there, but I can't say I particularly cared.

'Huh, there's nothing there...' said Mathias, perplexed. 'I guess that's it, then. Nothing here to be found.'

...Wait, he's _giving up?_ Mathias Køhler _never_ gives up! What's going on?

'Eh, I suppose we can't find something that isn't there. I guess... we should go home, then. Look, the sun's already setting, so...'

This is... _incredibly_ out-of-character. Why's he just leaving it like that? Are you _seriously_ telling me the only reason we came here was to turn over new soil for earthworms?

...Well, I knew it was going to be like that _anyway_, I just wasn't expecting Mathias to be so... resigned to it.

Eirikur and I cleared up the stuff while Berwald and Tino took a short rest on the white rock. Once we'd done, the five of us set off down the mountain, this time on the side that Simo and I took before.

* * *

'Interesting, isn't it?' Eirikur asked on the way down. Mathias was up ahead at the front, as usual, and there was a Berwald-and-Tino-shaped wall in between us and him, so he was unlikely to hear anything. 'Though something tells me you knew this was coming.'

'That something being _me_ a few days ago, maybe?' Ja, remember when you showed up out of the blue outside Gilbert's place?

'I don't know what you're talking about,' Eirikur stated, deliberately staring straight ahead and avoiding eye contact. 'But it's better that we leave _now_ before Mathias notices something unusual.'

So he's denying that meeting happened? _Hmph_. Typical Eirikur. 'Mm, there was that patch of ground underneath the blanket... I'm still wondering if what we did had any point, but...'

'_Point?_ You know Mathias better than anyone. He's always changing, isn't he?'

I shrugged. 'That may be true, but shut your face.'

Eirikur raised his eyebrows, and we continued walking in silence for a while. Until-

'It _is_ strange that there's no treasure, though,' Eirikur mused.

Such an apt observation, _why_ do I feel like agreeing?

'I mean,' he continued, 'if Mathias _wanted_ treasure, then even if the ancient Beilschmidt family hadn't buried anything at all, there would be something there. Mathias _has_ that kind of power.'

'Maybe he thinks it wouldn't be that easy. Treasure maps _that_ clear don't just show up like that, so maybe it's a Beilschmidt practical joke. Knowing what _Gilbert's_ like, that wouldn't surprise me.'

Eirikur laughed softly. 'True. You're learning. It's _possible_ that all Mathias really wanted to do was come out and picnic with everyone.'

'Then what's with the whole treasure and slave-labour digging thing, then? If he wanted to do _that_, all he had to do was ask.'

'He's been pretty stable since New Year's, so maybe he's bored.' Eirikur shrugged. 'Not much has happened recently.'

Hmm, I suppose- wait, _what?_ 'Since New Year's? Including the past week?'

'Já, why?' Eirikur gave me a funny look.

'What was with that melancholy period recently, then? Until he managed to drag me back into club, he'd been looking downcast.'

'I didn't notice anything strange. Perhaps you're better at reading him than I am... perhaps I should pass this job on to you. Including Celestials. You haven't been in closed space for a while, maybe-'

'_Nei_. I'm not going back there again,' I said, glaring.

'Hm. To tell the truth, it's been a while for me, too.'

'Oh, _poor_ you, you don't get to show off your super-amazing powers.'

'Poor me _indeed_...' Eirikur sighed. 'Maybe _that's_ why...'

Why_ what?_ Don't just stop there.

It appeared he had a reason to stop, though. We'd reached the bottom of the mountain, and the others had gathered there. Which meant that Mathias would be within earshot... unless it had nothing to do with that. _Dammit_, Eirikur!

'Mm, looks like we're done for the day. There's no point going back to the station. _Dismissed!_' Mathias announced, that stupid grin once again adorning his face. Where it _should_ be. 'Oh, shovels?'

'Ah, já, here,' Eirikur said as we handed the shovels over.

'_Tak!_ Y'know, it's good to get out and do stuff like this once in a while,' said Mathias. 'We may not have found anything _now_, but there's always another time! Maybe Gilbert's got another map!'

No more maps, please. I don't mind the treasure, but no more maps.

'Ok, then. Going?'

At Mathias' request, we headed off along the road. This was the road that led to North High, so we ended up sticking together for a while. Mathias pulled me up to the front with him, and we carried on arm-in-arm.

'Oh, ja! I almost forgot!' Mathias said suddenly, as we neared our splitting-up point. 'Meet at the station tomorrow, same time as today, ok?'

'What for?' Tino asked.

'We, the SOS Brigade, are going to be searching the city! Surely you can spare a _little_ time for something as important as this?' Mathias grinned.

He looked around at anyone, as if waiting for objections he knew wouldn't come.

'Hehe, good. And no being late!'

And along came something he says every time...

'The last one there gets a _penalty!_'

* * *

A/N: I'm not dead! Huzzah! So here's a chapter. I apologise for the long wait, I've been busy with school and exams and cosplay and stuff.

Also, this fic's been going for over a year now. That's... slightly terrifying. Beyond terrifying and straight into the realms of WTF. If anyone's actually managed to stick with this for this long, then I applaud you.

Next chapter [chapter 100! Wut?], everyone heads out on a big city-searching trip. Also, Eirikur actually gets a bit more page-time. [...Yay?]

Until next time, ha det bra~


	100. Scheme IX

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler IX - Everything That Was, Everything That Could Be

* * *

Once I arrived back home, I headed straight up to the phone. Simo could probably use a status update, and there's the... which one was it tomorrow? The transmitter in the flower patch, right? Whichever one it was, I needed Simo with me.

The number of times I've called him now has _already_ surpassed the number of times I've called, say... Eirikur. Considering how much I hate calling people, this is _quite_ an achievement. Cue the fanfare, I'm now a little closer to one-hundred-percent completion.

'Mm? Ti- uh, Simo here.'

'It's _me_, who else would it be?' I replied. Who else even knew there _was_ a Simo at Gilbert's place anyway?

'Oh, Norge, haloo!' I could almost hear him smiling through the phone.

...Don't ask.

'Gilbert not there?'

'Ei, he's out. Said his family had to deal with something.'

That's... somewhat _ominous_. Still, probably nothing to do with us. Though, if Gilbert's family had connections to the Agency, it _might_ be something to do with us... or I could be thinking into this too far.

'Treasure hunt today. We found nothing, like you said.'

'Ah, good. I don't want time changing while I'm still here, eheh! I don't know what I'd do if something went differently to how I remember it.'

'But you've already lived through this once. Shouldn't it be the same anyway?'

'Um... maybe. I'm still not sure exactly how far ripples extend into the future, but...'

Hm? If _he_ doesn't know, then... well, there's a lot they seem to be keeping from him. I thought back to last December. There were two lots of December 14th, weren't there? The version where I get stabbed, healed, then fall down the stairs and into a coma for three days... _ugh_, that's painful just to think about. And the version where Mathias and Eirikur are students at World Academy, Berwald and Tino are just normal people, and _I_ get labelled as a complete nutjob. Is where something starts and ends the same point, really? There can't be two of one time, so it got fixed to the stabbing-and-stairs version, but then, what happened to Berwald's universe? Deleted like an unwanted file? I wonder... maybe it separated out into a parallel universe where I didn't press the Enter key, one where the SOS Brigade is just five people out having fun, meeting at that café by the station, just generally enjoying life...

But that has nothing to do with _anything_. I'm getting sidetracked again. Really, the event I should be questioning is that event a few weeks back with the fez boy at the crossing. That van tried to _kill_ him, and Tino told me at the time that he was important in the future. So was the bastard in the van a time traveller deliberately trying to mess up the flow of time? The only people able to resist people like that would be other time travellers and their associates. Are all these little tasks something to do with that, with keeping time in order? _Dammit_, Future-Tino, why can't you tell me these things?

Simo sighed. 'There's plenty I'd like to say, but it's all classified. I'm really sorry...'

'It-it's fine, really. So anyway, about tomorrow...' I began, hurriedly trying to change the subject before Simo got too depressed.

'Oh, joo?'

'The note for tomorrow doesn't specify a time, but the place isn't too far from the station. D'you think you could change your look somewhat? I wouldn't want other-you recognising yourself if he catches sight of you. You want to be as inconspicuous as possible.'

'Mm, ok, what sort of thing are you thinking?'

'Uh... What's the weather going to be like tomorrow?'

Simo thought for a moment. 'Pretty clear in the morning, but it starts snowing in the afternoon. Why?'

'Maybe grab yourself a hat of some sort.'

'Hm, I could talk to Gilbert, see what he's got in the way of headgear. Think it'll work?'

'Why wouldn't it?' I shrugged. 'So, what time do we leave?'

'At the end? Five pm exactly.'

'Huh, that's a bit late. It'll be dark by then. What about after lunch?'

'Oh, that's about one-ish. We go to a restaurant for lunch, then search for a second time.'

Ja, that's right, there are _two_ search sessions... With Eirikur then Berwald, if I remember correctly. With this information, I worked out a general schedule with Simo.

'Ok, then I'll see you there!' Simo said.

'Indeed. Oh, one last thing, could you get Gilbert to escort you there? Uh, tell him I'm asking for a favour or something...' Call me paranoid, but Simo's obviously been sent back for a reason. The _last_ thing I need is some rogue time traveller sabotaging everything and attacking him.

'Uh... ok, I will. Moi moi!' And with a beep, Simo hung up.

Sigh. I ought to phone Berwald and let him know what's going on, really...

_Nn?_ That's strange. The line's busy. Who on earth is phoning Berwald? A salesman? Tino? _Hmph_. I'll try again in a few moments.

I set the phone down, then headed downstairs, put a load of clothing in the washing machine and set it off. Then, having returned upstairs, I tried the phone again.

_This_ time, Berwald picked up.

'...'

'It's me. Uh... can I ask for a favour?'

Berwald responded with silence, as usual.

'Uh, tomorrow, the groups will be selected by marked sticks, right? Could I get you to help?'

'...I see.'

'Um, tomorrow's second group and the day after's first group, could I be with you?'

A long silence, before...

'...Ja.'

_Phew_, at least that's sorted. 'Takk.'

'No need t'thank me.'

'Oh, who was that on the phone just now? I tried to call, but the line was busy...'

Another long silence. I was almost getting _worried_.

'...Mathias Køhler.'

'_Mathias?_ What for? Did he have something he specifically wanted to talk to you about?'

These silences were getting quite tiring.

'...Not saying.'

Hold fuck, _what?_ I never thought I'd hear _Berwald_ refusing to tell me something.

'...'s better that you don't know.'

That's just _worrying_.

'Don't worry.'

There was a certain hesitation in Berwald's voice. Like he was conflicted on whether to tell me something or not... _something_ was up.

'Did Mathias ask you not to tell?' I asked.

'Mm.'

So, Mathias is _plotting_ something, is he? And forcing Berwald to go along with it... It must be something important. Important to Mathias, at least.

I went over the plans with Berwald, who didn't seem to be paying too much attention, and hung up.

Sigh... Why is this week so busy? I've never been this busy before, not even in exam season.

What's Mathias up to _this_ time..?

* * *

I woke up next morning still aching a little from all that digging yesterday. Luckily, I hadn't been inflicted with any weird dreams, so I actually got some sleep. _Huzzah_.

With letter #3 zipped up in one of my coat pockets, I grabbed my bike and headed out. It was pretty damned cold, but then Simo _did_ say it would snow later. At least we're not in Britain and can _actually_ deal with regular snowfall. Seriously, what's _with_ that anyway?

After parking my bicycle outside the station and grabbing a parking ticket, I headed over to meet with the others... only to find that, as _usual_, I was the last one there.

I was greeted by the end of Mathias' finger pointing straight at my face. 'Nor, why are you _always_ the last one here? Really, anyone would think you weren't dedicated to this! Sharpen up pronto!'

Before I could formulate any kind of response, Mathias had dragged us straight into the café. We're such regular visitors that the staff got moving and brought us coffee without anyone even having to ask.

'We may not have found anything yesterday,' Mathias said while draining his mug, 'but think for a moment! The SOS Brigade's aim isn't to find treasure, but to find something extraordinary! Maybe a strange object left behind by a time traveller from the future! Mm, ja, I think there should _definitely_ be some time travellers here today, this city just smells like time travel!'

...How on earth does anything _smell_ like time travel?

Mathias pulled out five cocktail sticks. Two had already been marked in red pen, and the other three were blank. Hmm... first draw. If Simo is correct, I _should_ end up with Eirikur... but this session doesn't matter _too_ much. Let's just hope the laws of time overrule the laws of probability...

'Nor! Come on, pick one!' Mathias shoved a fist with two sticks in my face. I glanced around at the group. Berwald and Tino both held unmarked sticks, while Eirikur's was marked.

Now I just need to pick the one remaining marked stick...

'...Nor? It's just a stick...' Mathias reminded me, looking a little worried. What? Was I making some kind of silly face? Maybe I was concentrating too hard.

Oh, screw this. I reached out and grabbed a stick.

Marked.

Phew.

'...Hmph. Whatever. Meet back here at 12.' Mathias stood up, called to Berwald and Tino, and the three of them left. Tino apologised on the way out for making me pick up the bill yet again... it's disturbing just how _used_ to this I am.

Eirikur sighed, preparing to leave. 'Feeling the pinch, are we?'

'If by 'pinch' you mean 'endless having to pay for everyone else's drinks', then _ja_.'

'_Well_...' Eirikur flashed me a strange look. 'If you ever run out of money, there's a part-time job with your name on it.'

As we left the café to go exploring, Eirikur explained further.

'It _can_ get a little stressful at times, but it's been incredibly calm recently. The salary is absurdly high, too. Once you get used to it, I'm sure it'd be _easy_ for someone like you.'

'This isn't some drive from your Agency to recruit me into your esper ranks, is it..?'

Incredibly calm, huh? Just like you said yesterday about Mathias' moods. Calm Mathias means no closed space, hence no work for you. It's really not that hard to work out.

'_I_ didn't say that. But it _is_ something I'm also working on,' Eirikur replied.

'_Nei_. I've had enough of closed space to last a lifetime, and I don't know what sort of crazy things you'd have to do to me to give me those sorts of abilities. I'm the normal one, remember? That's my role, as much as it's your role to play the esper. You know what you're doing. I'd rather stay as I am, takk.'

Eirikur sighed. 'Suit yourself. If you change your mind, you know how to get in touch.'

Hmm. Let's see... _nope_, can't see that happening any time soon. I can't say I particularly trust this Agency of yours...

'So, then, our grand leader demands that we search for mysterious things... Where the heck do we start?'

Eirikur began walking. 'I don't think you'd like it if I took you to find some _real_ mysterious things. Why not just take a walk?'

* * *

We probably looked like average high-school students to the uneducated eye. Walking around, not doing too much... Even the conversation was decidedly _average_. Stuff like end-of-term exams and television shows. If anything, Eirikur talking with me so casually like this made me suspicious.

I mentioned this, and he just gave me a funny look.

'Keeping up appearances is important. If you look the part, you're less likely to be suspected of something. Hardly anyone would suspect me of being an esper when we're out like this.' He sighed. 'Sometimes I wish I could just put my esper abilities in a box and hand them over to someone else.'

'Hmm. It _does_ sound like quite a burden.'

'It is. But I don't have those thoughts often. If given the choice now, I'd keep things the way they are. You'd agree, wouldn't you? After all, you did indeed have that choice.'

I sighed. 'Don't remind me.'

'Sorry. But still, being in constant contact with aliens and time travellers, let alone the god-like Mathias... It's pretty amazing, when you think about it. Though, your experiences outweigh mine.'

'If you ask me, I think espers definitely count in the 'amazing' category along with aliens and time travellers.'

Eirikur snorted. 'It's not, really. Strange, unexplainable, já, but _amazing?_ Not really. I doubt it's going to last forever.'

'Well, you were pretty damned helpful during the island and mountain trips.'

'Only through my Agency connections. Really, if I hadn't become an esper when I did, I'd probably still be back in Akureyri, and I wouldn't be busy with stuff concerning the fate of the whole world.'

'Isn't that a _good_ thing?' I asked.

'...Really? I don't think it matters. I'm here now, and part of this Brigade. If you were fed up with this stuff, you _could_ just quit, you know.'

'_Hell no!_ I did _not_ go through all that nonsense and other terrifying stuff just to quit now.'

Eirikur smiled a little. 'It's funny just to see how much we've all changed. The Norge I knew at the beginning of my time here wouldn't have said anything like that. But anyway, you remember what I said in that strange mansion in the snow?'

What, the phantom mansion? You'd betray the Agency exactly once and stick with the SOS Brigade. 'Of course. Oh, you go back on that upon pain of _death_, ok?'

'Duly noted. If I contract amnesia for whatever reason, be sure to remind me. Because this little group of weirdos is worth defending. You, Mathias, Berwald, Tino... though I have my doubts about Tino's future self. I'll still be protecting him on behalf of the Agency, but he's... _different_.'

Just look at the way Future-Tino's been messing with his past self and me...

I nodded. 'I can agree with that. Which is why, if the future does end up changing somehow, it should start changing _now_.'

'Indeed.' Eirikur checked his watch. 'Oh, we should probably head back soon. It appears our conversation has rather consumed our time.'

'Mm, ok. Let's go.'

* * *

Naturally, the other three were already there by the time we got back.

'Find anything?' Mathias yelled before we were anywhere near them.

'Nei,' I replied once we were close enough. 'But _you_ didn't either, did you? So we're even.'

'Mm, nej, we didn't. But we _did_ have fun trying the food samples in the supermarket!'

So you weren't even _looking_. And you're not getting angry about the fact that nobody found anything... Hell, Berwald's carrying what looks like a plastic bag from a bookstore. Really, what kind of extraordinary things would you find in a _bookstore?_

...Aside from the stories contained within the books. That's fiction, that doesn't count.

'So where are we going for lunch?' Mathias asked, glancing around at the group. 'There's a new Italian restaurant just opened around here, remember the people doing it were selling pasta samples at the festival last summer? That sound ok to everyone?'

'Sounds like a good idea,' Eirikur agreed.

'Then it's decided!' Mathias announced. He led the way immediately, just as I would expect from someone with his energy. We were there at the restaurant in next to no time, although trying to keep up had worn me out.

Luckily another group had just left, so there was a table ready for all of us straight away. We took seats in our usual formation - Mathias and me on one side, the other three on the other side.

Mathias gulped his water down almost instantly. It's... _so_ much better seeing him lively rather than in that depressed state. I dunno if I'm worrying too much, but every time he's in that depressed state I wish he'd get his energy back. Maybe one day Mathias will be in the Goldilocks state - neither too energetic nor too quiet, but just right.

_Hah_. I _wish_.

Once everyone had ordered their food, Mathias pulled out the cocktail sticks again. This was it, possibly the most important moment of the day. Once this is done, I need to make sure Simo's shown up at the right place at the right time. Oh, please be there...

But anyway, sticks. I was the first to take one - a marked one, as always. Mathias held the sticks out to Berwald, who drew... the other marked stick.

'..._Huh_. That's it, then. No need to draw more!' Mathias commented, putting the sticks back in his pocket.

When it arrived, the pizza was really good. We end up eating a lot of pizza at home anyway, because generally they're cheap and simple, but there's nothing quite like getting a proper one.

Oh, and that guy from the festival last year with the funny hair curl and the permanently-closed eyes was our waiter. Funny how things work.

* * *

Mathias, Eirikur and Tino headed off not long after finishing. To be honest, I'm really not sure how I even still have any money at all, since I keep having to pay for _everything_... this restaurant was no exception. Pfft, there's no way Mathias would treat us or anything. Not unless we humiliated him by showing up before him so that he was the last one there. And that's _never_ going to happen.

Going along this path to a familiar destination with Berwald... It was pretty nostalgic. Hmm, the first time we were out like this would have been when Francis must have seen us, right?

What, what's this familiar destination? I was with _Berwald_, isn't it obvious? We were headed to the library. Where else?

Sometimes walking in silence is awkward. With Berwald, it's reassuring. Silence is golden, right? Any of the other three being silent would be suspicious, but here it's... comfortable. The snow just beginning to fall makes everything better anyway.

Which is just as well, really.

Berwald and I entered the library. I scanned around to look for someone, then that someone noticed us and left the sofa where he'd been sat. With a woollen hat and a long blue scarf, he wouldn't be recognised as Tino from a single glance. Good choice, Simo.

'Ah, Norge, Berwald, moi,' he said, keeping his voice down. This was a library, after all. 'Gilbert couldn't make it, he sends his apologies, but he arranged for a car to transport me here and even gave me money for a taxi to get back...'

Screw the instructions, Gilbert has money.

'Oh, Berwald, uh...' _Whoops_. I'd _completely_ forgotten to tell Berwald why I needed him to mess with the draws... Argh, I'm such an _idiot!_ 'This is the... other Tino, remember him? Uh, wait, of _course_ you do. I... um... I need to go with him to do something important. Once I've done I'll be straight back. Could you wait here..?'

Berwald nodded, face as impassive as usual. I feel really bad for not mentioning any of this then just dumping it all on him like that, but... Thanks to my own _stupidity_ I don't have much choice now.

'Sorry about all this,' I apologised. 'Simo, let's go.'

'Ok,' Simo agreed. I turned again, and Berwald had disappeared into the bookshelves. 'You brought him here without telling him anything?'

'I forgot.'

He sighed. 'Berwald is probably angry at you now. You _have_ to apologise for not telling him once we've finished!'

Angry? Would he be, though..? I'd _probably_ be able to tell, but... Hell, _Simo_ looks angrier than Berwald did. 'Alright, I will. Let's go.'

'Ok. Can I see the note again?' Simo asked. I nodded, and handed it over. He scanned it for a moment, then handed it back. 'Ok, I know where we're going now.'

* * *

I followed Simo towards the bridge mentioned in the note. Unlike earlier, this silence was quite awkward. We weren't walking particularly fast, so it felt a lot colder than before.

'Ah, here!' Simo said, stopping at the end of the footbridge. 'South, patch of flowers... must be this one.'

'Wow.' The flowers growing in that one patch put anything on the North High grounds to shame. A vast array of colours beneath one big tree - so very pretty. 'This would take a while to search through...'

'Mm? Not at all. The note asks for lily-of-the-valley, and there's only a small patch of that. Around here!' Simo called, from the other side of the tree. 'It should be in this white patch here. Be careful, though, it's poisonous.'

Poisonous, hmm? Well, I won't be digging with my _mouth_, so that shouldn't be _too_ much of a problem, but...

I began my search. Simo watched as I turned every leaf and stem in the hope of finding that bizarre object. If someone were watching me, they'd _probably_ think I was just here to ruin the flowers. Well, I wasn't.

Thirty minutes passed, and not a smidgeon of the _damned_ thing. I even searched through the nearby flowers to see if whoever put it there had made a mistake, but not a trace could be found.

Hell, there wasn't even _anything_ man-made at all. Just rocks and soil. I'm telling you, I've had enough of digging to last me a lifetime.

'The _hell's_ going on..?' I asked to nobody in particular. Surely Future-Tino wouldn't have set us off on a pointless quest with no end? There's a Tino standing next to me, so Future-Tino definitely knows about this event. In which case, _what..?_

'I don't know...' Simo's face was one of worry. 'The Mission Code stated it was _crucial_ that we find that object... What do I do if we can't find it?'

'No idea.' I turned to have another look, to check if I'd missed something-

when an unfamiliar voice came from behind us.

'Looking for something?'

The voice's owner was tall. About Mathias' height. He had a blue-and-white scarf wrapped around his neck, a scar over his eye, a hairstyle that would put Jedward to shame-

and there, in his hand, was that object we were looking for.

* * *

A/N: Holyshitchapter100 whatthehellamIdoingwithmylife *cough* Yay! [Dammit, why is this arc so stupidly long?]

Italy reappears, and Netherlands makes his first appearance! Dun dun duuuuuuun~

Next chapter, the mysterious stranger is a bit of a douchebag.

Until next time, tot ziens~


	101. Scheme X

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler X - So Long, Mister Pointyhair

* * *

I felt like _hating_ this man who'd just appeared. Something about him seemed infinitely detestable. Perhaps it was the arrogant glare on his face. Or, y'know, the fact that he'd somehow got here before us, stolen the object, and watched me crawling around in the dirt for half an hour. _Creep_.

'Are you having fun getting dirty for the sake of that little boy's future?' he asked, somewhat disdainfully. 'It's not worth it. Don't bother. Don't you have _better_ things to do?'

Little boy? _Tino?_ Oh, you have _no_ idea, you grumpy-looking bastard.

Thanks to all the crazy shit flying around me for the past year, I've developed a sense for danger. Right now, it's ringing every alarm bell ever. Not that being able to look at a situation and think 'Oh, this is bad!' is _particularly_ useful if I don't do anything.

'Where did you get _that?_' I asked.

'In the flowerbed,' the stranger said. 'Pretty obvious, really. I showed up before you did and picked it up.'

'Give it to me,' I demanded.

The stranger snorted. 'Hah, why should I give it to_ you?_ It's not yours. Lost items get handed in to the police.'

'Then at the very least give it here for safekeeping?'

'What, do you think it's the _owner's_ address written on that little note of yours? Why don't you ask your alien friend?'

He knows about Berwald? More to the point, he knows about the note? Simo and I are the only people to have seen it!

Which means this bastard is...

'Simo, do you know this guy?' I asked, turning to him.

He looked scared. 'Never seen him before...'

'Hmph. Why does it matter who I am? What am I, the big bad wolf come to eat you up? Nee, but I'd like to.'

Nee... Dutch? Whatever, that's irrelevant. Whoever he was, he was just _radiating_ malevolence. We needed to get that little object, but how? Do I have to _fight_ him for it? Even with Simo it'd be a bit of a struggle. Why didn't I bring Berwald along?

The Dutch bastard's expression changed to one of boredom, and he suddenly flicked the small object in my direction. I shot forward to catch it before it could hit the ground. The _last_ thing I needed was it breaking now, and I didn't know how sturdy it was. 'Fine, go ahead and take it. Follow your silly orders, do what you want with it.'

'Ok, who are you and how did you know we'd be here?'

'Same to you. What are _you_ doing here? Why are you here?' he asked, sneering. 'You shouldn't be asking me. Ask that little boy behind you. Isn't that right, Tino Väinämöinen?'

Simo started. 'Wha? What do you mean?'

'...First time meeting me, huh.' The Dutch bastard shrugged. 'Call this a greeting then. But I've met you several times already. Do you get it, Väinämöinen?'

So what, this bastard has some kind of vendetta against Tino? _Ugh_, I'm beginning to loathe this guy already.

'Look, if you want to say something, spit it out,' I demanded. 'Want me to relay a message to Mathias or something?'

'I don't care about Mathias Køhler.' _Huh?_ 'I'm not like Väinämöinen there. Speaking of him, you ought to start thinking before following his orders like a sheep. You're not the only one bound by the laws of reality. As long as you're the one that's holding it, the future won't change no matter who it's heading to.'

'Hmm, funny. I don't remember _you_ showing up on the Grand Schedule of the Universe.'

'Hmph. Well, I'm only here to mess around with you anyway. That's predetermined.' The bastard turned to leave. 'I don't know which future agenda you're following, and frankly I don't care, but all time travellers have to adhere to that golden rule of not interfering with the past. Tot ziens, _fuckers_.'

I kept up my glaring until the bastard was out of sight, at which point Simo let out a huge sigh.

'You _really_ don't recognise him?' I asked, as Simo and I made our way over to a nearby bench.

'Ei, not at all... He's probably another time traveller, but I don't know many of them.'

Well, Mathias _did_ say the city smelt of time travel. Ugh. I _hate_ it when his offhand comments like that turn out to be horribly accurate.

So, another time traveller with animosity towards Tino... the plot thickens.

I knew from my conversations with Eirikur that there were battles going on behind the scenes. Different factions of time travellers, as well as the Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence or _whatever_ the hell it was called that was vaguely similar to Berwald's Entity... There were probably other organisations of espers as well, if not separate factions within Eirikur's Agency.

Simo looked downcast. 'Again, there's plenty I'd like to tell you, but it's all classified. But I can say that joo, there are different types of time travellers. That's about the limit of information, though. I'm really sorry...'

'It's fine, I understand.' In much the same way I can't just tell Mathias about his powers or tell you about your future self.

'But it's important. He could show up any time again, and in unstable periods like this, that's not good.'

Him showing up again at all is not good, but... 'Unstable?'

'Joo. I'm meant to be with Mathias at this point in time. Since that person saw me _here_, it might mess things up...'

'On the contrary. He said us meeting here was a predetermined event, and the only way you can be here and there at the same time is for there to be two of you. And there are two of you right now, so everything's fine... right?'

_Please_ tell me I have a vague idea about what I'm on about.

I took a look at the small object. A miniature transmitter, hm? It looked a bit like a memory card. I couldn't be sure whether it was just dirty from being in the flowers or whether that was its actual colour, but that didn't matter. I had it, that was the main thing. One would think I was lucky to get it at all, but running into the grumpy Dutch bastard sent us flying to the other end of the luck scale.

Maybe next time I run into him, I should get someone else from the Brigade involved. Hell, even _Gilbert_. That bastard wanted to hurt Tino, and there's no way _any_ of us can just let that go.

'Do you think we'll meet him again?' Simo asked, looking worried.

'Probably. He seemed to know you in particular.'

'Yeah...' Simo got up from the bench. 'I don't think I've ever met someone so... _nasty_. But anyway, Berwald will be waiting for us, and we've done what we came for, so...'

He had a point.

'Ok, let's go then.'

* * *

It was about three o'clock at that point. Mathias had demanded that we met up again at the station at four, and even if I went straight back to the library I'd still have time to kill. Not just that, but that meeting had left me rather paranoid. I couldn't just let Simo go back to Gilbert's by himself, not when there are people like that around that could very well end up being the taxi driver.

So even though my wallet was _already_ bleeding dry, I didn't have much choice but to accompany Simo in the taxi back to Gilbert's, then take said taxi back to the library. Rest in peace, money. You shall be missed.

We managed to get a taxi pretty easily. Luckily for us, since neither of us could remember Gilbert's exact address, the taxi driver knew where Beilschmidt Manor was. It seemed the name Beilschmidt was pretty well-known.

The taxi driver was quiet. _Really_ quiet. I didn't mind that much, but I think Simo found it a little unnerving. Still, he got us to Beilschmidt Manor in no time at all. Simo thanked the driver repeatedly before getting out and heading straight inside. Perfect. There was no way anyone could harm him once he was within Gilbert's walls.

'To the library, please,' I said to the driver, finally able to relax a little. The driver said nothing, just headed straight there.

Berwald was waiting next to the front counter, a thick hardback in his hands. I'd ask how he could possibly read such a thick book whilst standing, but it's _Berwald_. Of course he's not tired.

'Hei. Did I keep you waiting?'

Berwald shut his book with a _thud_ and looked at me. 'Not at all.'

Presumably he'd already taken the book out, since we could walk straight out of there without anyone rushing to stop us. I pulled the small object out of my pocket and showed it to Berwald.

'Do you know what this is?' I asked.

Berwald took a look at the object as we continued walking. I explained about our little encounter with the grumpy Dutch bastard.

'...mm. 's a broken memory chip. Th'data inside is undamaged, however.'

'Really?' I looked closer, only to see that ja, the object was broken in half. 'What kind of data?'

'...Major portion is corrupted, 'n crucial files lost.' He took the object in his remaining hand and stopped walking for a moment. '...restoring...'

I waited for a moment.

'Complete. 's part of a transmitter. If data is played in the correct sequence, 's possible to form a basic theory.' Berwald stared at me. 'What Tino is using. Th'foundation of time travel.'

He then went onto explain, in far too many long words, that basically, that memory chip is incompatible with current technology, but the chip is crucial to time travel.

'...However,' he continued, 'there's a significant possibility that this is a decoy.'

I suppose that makes sense. If it's that important, why is it in a flowerbed just _waiting_ to be picked up and messed with by just about anyone? _Especially_ enemy time travellers?

Berwald carried on walking.

'Oh, Berwald!' I called, hurrying to catch up. 'Sorry about earlier. I really should have told you what I needed the draw fixing for. It's my fault.'

He just stared.

'He told me to apologise. Simo- uh, Tino did,' I clarified. 'So yeah. Sorry about that.'

'...That so?' Berwald looked almost... _surprised_ for a moment. It vanished quickly enough, but it was definitely there.

* * *

We reached the station a bit earlier than four, but naturally, Mathias and the others were already there. Mathias and Tino looked tired, leaning against a nearby lamppost for support, while Eirikur was just standing there, expression as unreadable as ever. Of course our next destination was the café, so on our way in Mathias asked for a status report. Naturally, nobody had found anything.

Well, I'm not exactly going to _tell_ him about the grumpy Dutch bastard and the memory chip, am I?

Mathias just shrugged. 'Meh, days like this happen. In that case, let's meet again tomorrow! Those mysterious things aren't going to expect us two days in a row, so they might let their guard down!'

...He said, _loudly_, so that all those mysterious things can hear him plotting. Really, what other kind of days are there?

Once we'd finished our drinks, Mathias gave us the command to dismiss, before heading straight out. Seeing him give up like that two days in a row was pretty unnerving. Either he's plotting something and these are really just a waste of time, or he's undergone a major personality shift.

I'd hope it's _not_ the latter.

* * *

I grabbed my bike from outside the station and headed in the general direction of home. I couldn't return straight there, though. I still had stuff to do.

Envelopes and stamps were easy enough to find. I bought some of them and headed towards the pet shop.

I was greeted by a vast array of different varieties of dogs and cats. Hm. We used to have a cat once. Big and white and kinda fluffy, though its fur got so long that at one point my brother gave it a ponytail-like thing off the side of its face. It died. Not from the ponytail thing, it just got old.

But anyway, I'm not here to reminisce about dead cats. I need a turtle.

...Hey, isn't that the Spanish guy whose café we used for the movie? Whoever it was, looks like he's after the turtles too.

There were two turtles in the store, and the Spanish guy took one of them. Which... made it a _little_ easier to pick one. Hmm, _that_ one or... well, there's no choice now.

Looks like it's _you_ then, little turtle.

I motioned to the shop assistant, before telling her I wanted to buy the turtle. With a big smile on her face, she went off to pick up a tank; when she returned, she began lecturing me on how to look after the turtle. I couldn't exactly say 'Actually, all I need it for is to throw into the river', or I'd get locked up for cruelty.

Apparently the tank, which she'd lovingly filled with marbles and water, came free with the turtle. Which makes sense, I suppose. She carried the tank, now containing the little turtle, over to the counter where I paid for it.

I kinda felt sorry for the turtle. I only bought it to throw into the river, and I don't know what I'll do with it after that.

_Sigh..._

* * *

And so, I placed the tank on the front of my bicycle and set off. I couldn't go home _yet_, though, no matter how dark it was getting. Once again, I made my way over to Beilschmidt Manor.

'Ah, hallo, Norge!' was what Gilbert greeted me with once I'd arrived. 'Thought I'd be seeing ya again, somehow! Ah- _ooh_, turtle! Dahaha, we had some of them once, used to keep them in a pond in the garden!'

'That's... _nice_,' I replied. 'This isn't for you, though. It's to keep Simo company.'

'Ah, I gotcha. Ja, sorry I couldn't make it earlier! Something came up which I'd completely forgotten about, so I was busy. But Simo was ok, right?' Gilbert laughed. 'Daha, if you're that worried about him you could stay here for the night! Ksesese!'

'Um, nei. I'm fine, really.'

Another figure appeared from behind Gilbert. 'Oh, Norge! Moi!'

'Simo, hei.' I held out the tank with the turtle. 'Could you bring this along tomorrow? I can't really keep it at my place.'

Not to mention if I showed up to the meet tomorrow with a turtle, Mathias would start interrogating me. Which I don't need at all.

'Ah, joo, of course!' Simo took the tank, a smile on his face. He continued mumbling to himself. Something that sounded like 'Mm, you didn't have anything with you that time...'

Gilbert coughed loudly. 'So, d'ya need me to send Simo there tomorrow as well?'

'Is that alright?' I asked.

'I'm busy again tomorrow, sorry, I can't go myself. Deprived of my awesomeness yet _again_, how will you cope?' Gilbert laughed. 'Hah, I can get someone to drive Simo there, it's not a problem!'

'Takk, very helpful.' I clarified further. '10.45 by that river, you know the one? Simo knows, so...'

Unless he conveniently comes down with amnesia. Not that amnesia works like it's portrayed in most fiction at all.

'Ja, that's fine! You can get a taxi back or something, haha!' Gilbert grinned. 'How comes you're so worried about him, anyway?'

'Um... _reasons_.'

Dammit, brain. Why were you not prepared for this?

'Ahaha, I get ya! It's a secret, right?'

'...Something like that.' And Gilbert saves the day again.

The main thought running through my head was wondering what on earth I'd do with Simo after the turtle thing. The letters went #3, #4, #6. Surely it can't have been some kind of typo, so where on earth was #5? Lost in the great big locker postal system? I just wanted to know why I hadn't received it yet.

But #6... 'when everything is over'? What does that even _mean_, what's this big 'everything'? ..._Hmph_. At least the 'we' is obvious. When I finally get to that point, Future-Tino will be waiting for me.

I wonder... when is it that I tell Tino about his future self? For all I know, this could be a trump card similar to the John Smith card. At this rate I'll have a whole deck of trump cards. And the whole Brigade will be under my power, _mwahaha_.

Ahem. That was incredibly stupid, ignore me. But I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it? Perhaps all this thinking is just an after-effect from meeting that grumpy Dutch bastard.

I thanked Gilbert again, and began to cycle home through the snow. But of course, before I could actually _get_ home there was one more task I needed to complete. I placed the transmitter-thingy in the envelope I'd bought earlier, copied the address from letter #3 and sealed the envelope shut. With some stamps stuck in the corner, I put the envelope in a nearby postbox.

Hopefully nothing will happen to the thing while it's in transit. I don't want _more_ stuff to worry about. Are you hearing this, Future-Tino? No more stuff! I want things to go _smoothly_ for a change!

...I just hope nothing too _huge_ will happen between now and meeting Future-Tino again.

* * *

A/N: ...What do you mean it's been two and a half months since I last updated? Shush you. [Incidentally, the taxi driver is Egypt.]

Updates will probably be sparse until the end of June when I might actually have time to do shit. Either that or I'll be procrastinating with this. This or some original stuff. But whatever.

Next chapter, the Fez Boy returns.

Until next time, arrivederci~


	102. Scheme XI

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler XI - I Like Turtles

* * *

There we were, sat in our usual café, picking cocktail sticks for the third time this weekend. As expected, I was drawn again with Berwald. I shouldn't doubt Berwald, I had already mentioned it, and given... you know, the obvious, he wasn't exactly going to forget. Mathias seemed even more hyperactive than usual, though I dread to think why. He'd been like this since the treasure hunt- nei, since getting the map from Gilbert. Perhaps that melancholy period was just him feeling unwell.

...Has he ever _actually_ been ill? The last time I thought he might have been ill, he'd been relocated to World Academy.

It was ten o'clock when Mathias slid me the bill and everyone but Berwald and me shuffled out towards the exit. I didn't have to meet Simo until ten forty-five, so even if I walked slowly I'd have plenty of time.

'Oh, Berwald?' I asked as we left the café. 'Could I get you to go to the library by yourself? Only, there's somewhere I need to be.'

Berwald nodded, face as blank as ever.

'Takk. Um... do you know what we're actually doing?'

'Somethin' necessary.'

'...Necessary for whom?'

'You and Tino.'

...He didn't use Tino's surname. That's new. 'And you're not involved? What about Mathias or Eirikur?'

Berwald paused, continuing to walk forwards whilst saying nothing. '...I may become involved. 'm not sure yet.'

Not sure..? He turned around to face me.

'However, I should know very soon. Should that happen I will take action, as will Eirikur Steilsson. Our ways forward are the same... for me and for you.'

And with that, Berwald merely turned and walked off in the general direction of the library.

'...Takk,' I mumbled. I don't know if he heard, but I'm sure he'd get it.

I've been thinking. It's like... Berwald and Tino and Eirikur and me. We're trustees in this whole thing, planets orbiting Mathias' sun. If any one of us were to go down somehow, then like Berwald said, the rest would 'take action'.

But talking about something like that as if it may happen very soon... _that's_ worrying.

* * *

It took me half an hour to reach the river. The surrounding trees were almost completely bare, thanks to it still being February. Hmph. It looked much nicer first time around, but winters around here are _hellishly_ cold, so the poor trees don't stand a chance.

That bench was empty when I got there. He's not there yet, huh..? Well, I was stupidly early for once. Why is it the _one_ time I'm early for something, it's not something that would earn me a penalty for being the last one there? So annoying.

In fact, the whole path was devoid of people, save for one person walking their dog. Poor thing looked frozen. Not even someone as irritating as my brother would think of bringing Hanatamago out here in this weather.

'Norge?' I turned to see Simo approaching, turtle-and-tank in hand. Ah, good. He remembered. Good thing, otherwise this whole meeting would have been pointless. I still don't see what the actual point of us _being_ here is, but it's Future-Tino's orders therefore we must obey. 'I brought Pointed Comb-handle, like you said.'

_...Pointed Comb-handle?_ Only _he'd_ come up with a name like that...

I checked my watch. Ten forty-five. Perfect timing, Simo.

Simo placed the box on the ground and opened the lid. I watched as he took a packet of pet food out of his pocket. The turtle stretched its neck upwards almost immediately, and when Simo put the food close to it the turtle swallowed it in one gulp. Poor little turtle. It's only been a day and it's already accustomed to living with humans.

Well, sorry, Pointed Comb-handle, but it's time to throw you in the freezing-cold stream. I picked the turtle up, reminded it to return in spring, and-

'Excuse me.' A voice came from behind us, startling me and throwing me off-balance. An oddly familiar voice. Once I'd regained my footing, I turned to see..._ Fez Boy?_ 'I'll thank you again for saving me last time.'

Ja, Fez Boy. That boy I'd saved from the crazed speeding van that time. The one who lives near Mathias.

'Mm? What are you doing here?' Simo asked, mainly out of curiosity. I think.

'Walking to my uncle's. That's where I was going last time, too,' Fez Boy replied. He noticed the box on the ground and the turtle in my hands. 'Are you going to release that into the wild?'

I nodded. '...Sort of.'

_Dammit_, don't make those eyes at me. I don't want to do this any more than- hei,_ there's_ an idea.

'Are you allowed to keep pets at home?' I asked. 'I mean, nobody would be too annoyed if you, say, took the turtle home, would they?'

Fez Boy tilted his head. 'I think I'd be allowed, as long as I promise to take care of it myself.'

'Right. One moment, then.' I knelt down next to the stream. It wasn't too far from the water's surface, and the stream didn't look particularly fast, so there was little chance of the turtle getting itself washed away.

So I dropped the turtle. It splooshed straight into the water, producing a series of ripples on the surface.

Fez Boy stared at the scene.

Finally, the turtle resurfaced a short distance away. I picked the turtle out and placed it back into its tank. There we are, Future-Tino, I've done your silly task. What I do with the turtle now is up to me, isn't it? _Ha_.

'Sorry, turtle,' I said, then replaced the lid and handed the tank over to Fez Boy. 'There we are, the turtle is yours now.'

'Really?' Fez Boy asked incredulously. 'Don't you have a special reason to release it into the wild?'

Probably, but _I_ don't know what it is. I know you're just being curious, but there's nothing I can honestly say that'll satisfy that curiosity of yours.

'It doesn't matter any more,' I answered. 'That water's freezing cold. If you're willing to look after the turtle, that'd be much better than leaving it in the stream.'

Simo handed the packet of food over with a smile. 'Here's some food for Pointed Comb-handle. Promise you'll take care of him!'

Fez Boy nodded. 'I promise.'

'Oh, one more thing,' I added. 'There's a guy about my age lives near you, right? Mathias Køhler.'

'Evet. Mathias Køhler helps me with schoolwork sometimes.'

Ah ja, I remember Mathias mentioning that. During that pointlessly harsh interrogation session. Although _that_ happening again isn't what I'm worried about.

'Could you maybe not mention this happening to him? This is... confidential, that's the word. You can keep a secret, can't you?'

'Ok,' Fez Boy replied.

'Oh, is it really alright to take Pointed Comb-handle with you?' Simo asked. 'I-I mean, wouldn't someone say something about accepting things from strangers?'

'I'll find an excuse,' said Fez Boy. 'I'll say people doing experiments on the turtle were about to throw it away, when I walked past, and feeling pity I asked if I could keep it. I'm sure they'll let me keep it.'

...Can this kid come and teach my brother a thing or two? I mean, they're about the same age, but so, _so_ different. Different upbringing, maybe?

'...I ought to go now,' Fez Boy mumbled. 'Uncle will be wondering where I am...'

'Ok, then!' Simo smiled. 'Don't forget what I said last time, be very careful on roads and other things, just don't get into any accidents, ok? You could be a _very_ important person in the future!'

Fez Boy nodded, a hint of shyness on his face. Then, carrying the tank and food, he walked off, turning around to look at us every now and then. Simo didn't stop waving until he was out of sight.

We let out a simultaneous sigh. For me, at least, it was a sigh of relief that all these weird tasks were over. Of course, note #5 was still missing, and I didn't know what #6 meant, so I wasn't sure what to do right now. As for Simo, from what I can gather that Fez Boy is someone really important in the future. There's little point in asking why because it'll be classified, but it'd be a similar thing to me going back and meeting some major historical figure. Which is unlikely ever to happen, and kind of impossible since time travellers can't go back to before three or four years ago. But anyway.

'What now?' I asked. 'You've only been here a little while, but...'

'I'm not sure. I might just go back to Gilbert's for a while,' Simo replied. 'You need to get Berwald from the library at some point, right?'

'Ja, that's right. Ok, then.'

Simo and I walked until we reached the road. Still wondering about that grumpy Dutch bastard, I paid extra attention to our surroundings. With someone like him, there's no telling what might happen. Then again, he almost made it _too_ obvious that he didn't come with good intentions, which killed just how threatening he seemed.

...I shouldn't make assumptions like that. Something might happen.

There were barely any vehicles on the road, so standing there with Simo was quite pleasant. Still, I ought to go get Berwald once Simo's back at Gilbert's...

Not that it mattered. The next moment, something unbelievable happened.

* * *

A minivan drove slowly along the road next to us. I didn't really pay it much attention - it wasn't some motorway, it driving slowly wasn't an issue. Then it decelerated further and stopped right in front of us without even indicating.

...What? This was suspicious. The back of the minivan opened-

and a gloved hand reached out from inside and grabbed Simo.

'Wah!-'

Before my brain had registered Simo's scream, the door had closed and the minivan was already speeding off down the road.

It took me a fraction of a second to recover full use of my senses, by which point the minivan was a dot in the distance. Nei, _nei_, NEI! HOLD IT! What the ever-loving fuck just happened? Right under my nose, Simo was just kidnapped? Just like _that?!_ Shit, nei! Tino! Was this the grumpy Dutch bastard's fault?

Without thinking, I pulled out my phone and jabbed numbers into the keypad, barely registering who I was calling.

'Nor? What is it?' came a voice from the other end. Mathias. I'd called _Mathias_.

'Simo's been kidnapped!' I yelled into the phone.

'Who the hell's _Simo?_' Mathias asked.

'Ah, um, Tino!' I corrected myself. Not that it helped.

'Tino's right here! _Fan_, Nor, if you're going to try pulling a prank like that, at least think it through!' There was a hint of a laugh in Mathias' voice, as if mocking me for thinking up something so _stupid_. 'Ya don't mean _Berwald_, do ya?'

'Nei! I mean Tino-' _Faen i helvete_, this is no use. There was indeed a Tino with Mathias, a detail I'd _completely_ forgotten. The one from this time period, not the one that had appeared in the cupboard a few days ago - the one that had just got kidnapped-

'Nor, work on your pranking skills. You fail!' Before I could respond, a beep told me he'd hung up.

...Shit. Why did I call _Mathias_ of all people?! No amount of facepalming could convey just how _stupid_ an idea that was.

The phone began ringing. Without even looking to see who it was I picked up.

'Hallo?'

'It's Eirikur. I'm not with Mathias or Tino right now, I know what's going on.'

'What do I do?!' I asked.

'They'll be with you shortly,' Eirikur replied.

'_What?_ Who-' Right on cue, a familiar-looking black taxi pulled up next to me. The door opened, and a cry of 'Get in now!' came from the back seat passenger. I quickly leapt into the taxi, shut the door, and was flung backwards by the force of the taxi zooming off.

'Go!' the passenger ordered.

'...Natalia?' That's who the passenger was. Not in her usual maid outfit, but an office outfit under a thick coat.

'Me. Da. Surprised?' Natalia wore her usual glare on her face. 'Part of the Agency, in case you hadn't guessed. Same for her.'

She jerked her thumb towards the driver's seat, which was occupied by none other than Yekaterina.

'Kidnapping such an adorable person... they've gone too far now,' Yekaterina muttered.

So Natalia and Yekaterina... I knew they were in with Eirikur, and I figured the whole maid/general housekeeper thing was just a front, but... this isn't a situation I expected to find myself in with them. On the other hand, it makes perfect sense.

'So you knew Tino'd get captured and were just watching in case something happened, right?' I asked.

'Wrong,' Natalia replied. 'Our target was them. We weren't expecting them to do something like _this_.'

'Them?'

'A group hostile to our Agency,' Yekaterina piped up. 'We believe they may be trying to use this Tino as a bargaining chip with the future. But of course, they have the wrong Tino for that purpose - the one they want is the one with Eirikur right now.'

How are espers so good at saying shocking things like this so casually?

'_Bastards_ didn't think this through,' Natalia spat. 'And they've joined forces, which means they're serious.'

'Um... Is the Agency...' I stopped short of saying 'our ally', because that wasn't a good description at all. 'On our side?'

'Call it maintaining the status quo,' Natalia said, dismissively.

'Then... Who are the kidnappers?' I asked.

'A bunch of espers who rival our Agency, a bunch of time travellers against Tino's faction, and a cosmic entity separate from the one that created Berwald Oxenstierna,' Natalia replied. 'Probably all surrounding Mathias Køhler, enough to form an alliance. After the snow mountain incident, we figured they probably would join forces at some point.'

The whole car shook as Yekaterina swerved around a corner. We were going _insanely_ fast.

'Then... you knew there was another Tino here the whole time?'

Natalia sneered. 'Of _course_ we did. Otherwise Tino would be kidnapped right in front of Mathias Køhler, which is a very bad idea.'

The reason for Tino being sent back... was to act as his own decoy? And nobody _told_ him this? But Simo needing to be around for all these inane tasks makes sense now, at least. Otherwise they wouldn't know he was with me, and would target Mathias' little party rather than mine.

I am going to have words with Future-Tino when he shows up.

'Don't let them go!' Natalia hissed. I turned my attention to what was going on out front - the minivan was still within view, and both it and us were going at speeds that made me wonder just how many accidents we'd caused on the way.

The minivan raced past that forest park where we'd shot our movie back in autumn and carried on towards the mountains. Dammit, there's nothing but rocks out there! What the _hell_ are they doing with Tino in a place like that? And since we were a little closer to that minivan, I could see it was the same van that had tried to mow down the Fez Boy before!

Yekaterina was totally focused. The roads we were on by this point were narrow and had no railings - one wrong move and either vehicle could easily go tumbling down the mountainside.

A phone rang, as if to provide a distraction - but it wasn't mine. Natalia picked up immediately.

'Understood,' she said, then hung up and leant forward to pass on a message to Yekaterina. 'Nearly there.'

'Ok,' Yekaterina nodded, and the taxi suddenly decelerated. The van continued ahead, until-

a police car came swerving around a sharp corner, blocking the road completely and forcing the van to brake suddenly. It broke into a spin, one wheel hanging over the edge of the road for just a moment, but it seemed whoever was driving was just as skilled as Yekaterina. They spun around, making a _horrific_ screeching noise, before finally stopping a very short distance away from the police car. Yekaterina drove the taxi into a similar horizontal position, albeit in a far more controlled way.

Now the only way the minivan could go was off the cliff.

Yekaterina and Natalia left the taxi. I climbed out after them, but Natalia's glare stopped me rushing straight over to the minivan.

Yekaterina was the first one to speak up. 'Please, turn off the engine and _step out_,' she said; but the tone was different to any I'd heard her use before. On the other side, out stepped Herakles Karpusi, that sleepy cat-lover from the island, and sure enough, there in the police car was his cousin Sadik.

'Release Tino Väinämöinen _now_,' Yekaterina continued.

No response came.

'You've _failed!_' Natalia screeched. 'Don't make things complicated!'

The windows of the van were coated in a dark film, making it impossible to see inside. Finally, a door slid open at the back of the van.

The most surprising thing was probably just who these kidnappers were - I was expecting something massively intimidating, but these people just looked like average people about my age. Really, they didn't look at all sinister.

Until the last kidnapper left the van, with Tino unconscious in his arms. Unconscious, and with... _that_. My blood ran cold when I saw _that_. A slash across Tino's face, in the exact same place as Future-Tino's scar.

Natalia glared at me again, more fiercely than before. Nei, there was no chance I was going _anywhere_ with her making that expression at me.

'And what _exactly_ have you done to him?' Yekaterina asked. She was smiling, but it was a terrifying smile that was somehow on par with that of Ivan Braginsky.

The kidnapper holding Tino grinned, revealing one oversized fang. 'Relax, it's nothing serious. Tasty though, hehe.'

The inside of his mouth was a dark red colour. Was that... _blood?_

'Release Tino Väinämöinen now,' Yekaterina repeated. 'It does not matter whether you return to your own organisation or not-'

The fanged kidnapper snorted and set Tino lightly down on the ground. Good thing. If he'd even _thought_ about tossing him around, I'd have gone over there and punched him. Or something similar.

'A towing company will return the van to you at a later date. Please walk down the mountain from here,' Yekaterina ordered. Still smiling, she pointed to the edge of the cliff. _Heh_. It didn't look like they had any sort of climbing equipment, so Yekaterina was essentially giving them hell.

The fanged kidnapper spoke up again. 'Looks like the game's over, haha. I mean, we kinda expected it, but...' He sighed, then flashed that grin straight at me. 'Well, nice to meet _you_ anyway. Shame it had to be under such circumstances, but that's how it goes.'

The others had begun to make their way down the cliff. The last one out of the van, one who actually looked vaguely kidnapper-ish, simply shut the door, glared at us through a pair of shades and flipped us the bird. _Charming_.

'Don't you worry,' the fanged kidnapper continued. 'It's just anaesthetic, he'll be _perfectly_ fine in an hour or two. Hehehe.'

Another door on the van swung open. 'This is no fun at all,' said the person leaning out of the van, sneering at us from his seat. The grumpy Dutch bastard was involved after all, like I thought. 'We should have been going for a while longer yet. Feh, have your Sleeping Beauty back, it's not like _I_ care. It's predetermined anyway.

'You too,' Natalia hissed. '_Leave_.'

'We can gladly provide a sleeping bag if you'd rather stay here,' Yekaterina suggested.

'Don't bother,' the bastard replied. 'Ha, our mission wasn't even a failure. We just let history take its course. Congratu-_fucking_-lations. What's it like to have your limbs manipulated like a marionette?'

'Hehe, alright then,' the fanged kidnapper said. 'How many futures are already decided? It's one thing to dance, but to dance following exact instructions is tricky.'

'Dance all you like!' the bastard spat. 'It's not like I expected much from _you_ anyway!'

'Ok, then. Since our objectives are similar, why not work together? Hehehe!' the fanged kidnapper laughed.

The grumpy Dutch bastard ignored that, instead turning to glare at me. What, do you think that's going to work? Compared to what I'd been on the receiving end of from Natalia, you've got _nothing_. Staring contest? Glaring contest? _Fine_. It's on, _bastard_.

'Ugh, you're all ignorant fools,' he said, finally, grabbing the van's door and throwing me one last look. '_You_. I'll meet you again, many times. That's my job. Tot ziens.'

And with that, he slammed the door shut.

Nobody moved for a moment or two. Yekaterina directed her terrifying smile towards the last remaining kidnapper, the one who may or may not be some kind of vampire. He just grinned- then, as if remembering something, turned to open the door that had just been slammed shut.

He needn't have bothered. The grumpy Dutch bastard had vanished without a trace.

The fanged kidnapper sighed and shrugged. 'Well, looks like I'll be off then. You can do what you like with the van, it's yours now. La revedere!'

That was all of them gone. Natalia finally ceased her death glare, and I ran over to where Tino lay. Aside from the gash on his forehead, he seemed to be ok.

I turned to swear at that fanged kidnapper, but he'd already walked down the cliff and out of sight.

At Yekaterina's request, I carried the unconscious Tino back to the taxi, and sat with him in the back. _Sigh_... I wonder. What would have happened if the kidnappers had succeeded? Or if they'd got the other Tino that's with Mathias right now? I don't even want to know.

And the scar... does that mean this event was pre-determined? _Dammit_, Future-Tino.

Of course, I was lost in thought for a moment there, and when I came back to my senses, Yekaterina and Natalia were in the front of the taxi and we'd already driven off. I hadn't even said anything to Sadik and Herakles. Oh well. I'd guess I'd be running into them again at some point in the future.

'Where would you like to go?' Yekaterina asked.

I thought for a moment, then remembered that a certain _somebody_ would be waiting. 'Uh... the library, thanks.'

All this stuff was pretty exhausting. I'd come out expecting to drop a turtle in the river and go, not have this Tino kidnapped right in front of me. Still...

'...Has Tino been targeted by these people before..? Have they-' I asked.

'Not in this timeline,' Natalia replied. 'His future self acted as his decoy in this instance, the other Tino is completely unharmed. After all, with you and us and Berwald Oxenstierna, there's no way anybody would let him just be taken like that.'

I see... That _does_ make sense, but he's not some helpless wimp. Remember that time he punched me in the face?

...Nei, nei, of course, it was some kind of alternate universe. Of course you don't.

'And if you want more details,' Natalia continued, 'ask your military man from even further in the future.'

Future-Tino. The one overseeing this entire thing. Funnily enough, I'd be seeing him soon anyway.

'Are you Eirikur's superiors?' I asked, the thought suddenly crossing my mind.

Natalia snorted. 'Superiors? What on earth gives you _that_ idea?'

...Hmph. Dodging the question. Fine, if you won't say, I'll ask Eirikur. Not that he's going to give me a straight answer anyway, but he'll probably spill all at some point. Probably without being asked.

That's just how he rolls.

* * *

A/N: Aaaaaahhhhhhhh sorry sorry sorry! To be honest I completely forgot about this fic for a while, hence the five-month gap. The chapter's been in the works for a hell of a long time, I just didn't finish it because life got in the way. Well, life and tumblr. Well, life, tumblr and homestuck. But anyway, here we are.

So yes. Featuring TRNC's return as Fez Boy, Romania as the fanged kidnapper, and Molossia's cameo as the kidnapper with the shades.

Next chapter features Berwald and Future-Tino, as well as a surprise from Mathias.

Until next time [whenever that may be D: ], la revedere~


	103. Scheme XII

The Scheme of Mathias Køhler XII - Temporal Shenanigans

* * *

The taxi stopped just outside the library, and I got out with Tino once again on my back. I thanked Natalia and Yekaterina; Yekaterina smiled, and the taxi drove off.

...That's a thought. That time when Eirikur and I took a taxi to that other city where he showed me the Celestials? I have a sneaky feeling Yekaterina _might_ have been driving then, too. It'd explain how he can summon these taxis so easily and quickly.

I wasn't carrying Tino for too long before Berwald, who'd been stood outside the library waiting, noticed me and came over. Before I could say anything, he greeted me with a simple ''s good that he's fine'.

I set Tino down on a nearby bench, with Berwald and myself then sitting either side of him. There was an expression of concern as he noticed the injury on Tino's forehead, but it was there for only a moment.

'You heard about what happened?' I asked.

Berwald nodded.

'From Eirikur?' Come on, it _had_ to be Eirikur. He knew what was going on, surely he'd-

Nope. Berwald shook his head, before stretching out one hand. That hand was holding an envelope with a number on it. #5, in fact.

'From Tino's temporal clone,' Berwald elaborated, handing over the envelope. 'Here about an hour ago.'

...Future-Tino._ Faen i helvete_, I'm an idiot. There was me thinking the fifth letter had been lost in the timey-wimey post, not even considering that it _could_ have gone to someone else.

'Oh.' I sighed. 'Did he say anything?'

'Asked for a favour,' Berwald replied. And with that, he stretched out a finger and placed it on Tino's forehead. The blood around the forehead slash cleared up, leaving only a scar identical to Future-Tino's, and, well...

'...mmnh... Mm! What... what happened..?' Tino awoke, any trace of that anaesthetic _completely_ dispelled by the magical finger. 'Uh... there was the turtle, and the fez-wearing boy, and then... a van?'

And then wild kidnappers appeared and did their kidnap-y thing. I explained what went on to Tino, whose face cycled through a variety of expressions, before settling on a smile.

'Eheh, I see... So that's why I was sent back, to protect myself. I guess I _was_ useful after all...'

What on _earth_ do you mean? You're plenty useful.

But ja, he has a point. No Simo means they would have gone after the Tino with Mathias, which means angry Mathias and an Eirikur that can't do anything without blowing his cover. Still, _this_ attempted kidnapping went rather badly, so hopefully they will have learnt their lesson. Just don't bother.

And I didn't even have to rely on Berwald. _Sweet_. Although _that_ would have been a scene and a half, those kidnappers versus Berwald. They wouldn't have stood a chance, but it would have been fun to watch anyway.

'Ah, another letter?' Tino asked, noticing the envelope in my hand. 'When did that get here?'

'Not long ago,' I replied. 'It was sent to Berwald.'

'Berwald?' Tino looked confused. 'How... who sent it?'

'Can't tell you,' Berwald stated. 'Y'll see soon enough.'

An awkward silence ensued. I felt pretty uncomfortable, so I opened letter #5. The letter read as follows:

'Everything is over now. Tino Väinämöinen may return to his allocated time period. You are free to decide the exact destination time and place.'

Free to decide, huh..? That's odd. I don't know _why_, but it strikes me as odd. In any case, I handed the letter to Tino, who quickly read it and nodded.

'So this mission is over. Hm... Of course, without your instruction it's an indirect order, so... Well, anyway.' Tino smiled. 'You know, one day I won't be the useless one. One day _I'll_ be the one saving the Brigade! It... might take a while, but I _will!_'

Yep. One day. Just don't be a _total_ douche like Future-Tino, ok? Please?

Now, a destination time and place... _hmmmmm_. When this Tino first showed up, he said he'd come from eight days from then at 4.15pm, if my memory is correct. So... after that, I guess? Oh, I don't know.

Fuck it, let's make it a minute later.

'Two days from now is when you came from, isn't it?' I asked. Tino nodded. 'In that case, how about 4.16pm? Same place.'

'Ok, sounds like a good idea,' Tino agreed. 'Oh, but I'll need my uniform, won't I? Ahh...'

Ah. _Dammit_. I thought for a moment. 'Uh... well, I can probably figure a way to get your uniform back to you from Gilbert's place, so... ja, you can just go straight there if you want.'

'Could you? That would be great, kiitos!' Tino laughed. 'Well then, it's up to you! Oh, and... um...'

'What?' I asked.

'I-it's nothing. I'll tell you when I get back.' Tino averted his eyes. 'It can wait.'

Hm. Fair enough. Two days is nothing, really.

Seeing Tino's TPDD in action would probably be the most classified of classified things, no matter _how_ cool it would be to see him just vanish in front of us, so we found a secluded spot around the side of the library. Tino gave Berwald a long hug, before settling down ready for time travel.

'Norge, I'm thankful for your help in all this. Ah, and Eirikur and Gilbert too. Could you pass that on?' Tino asked.

Now, come on, that's silly. You can thank Eirikur whenever once you're back, and I reckon Gilbert would probably understand even if you said nothing. Besides, he thinks you're a different person, remember? Well. Ok. I don't know _what_ Gilbert thinks. But that's not the point.

Eh, I'll pass it on anyway.

'Ok. Berwald, Norge... moi moi!'

Berwald and I took that as our cue to leave Tino to his own devices. We'd barely turned the corner when Berwald announced that Tino had left the time period.

Sigh... It was all over, huh? Well, until two days later. But whatever.

I'm sure I'll think of some excuse to explain the sudden scarring on Tino's forehead. I'm going to need to. I'm not sure he even knew it was there... bleh, _skitt_, I'm an idiot.

'Hei... Berwald?' I began. 'These last two days, I've come across time travellers that are different to Tino, and an organisation opposed to Eirikur's.'

'Mm?'

'Ja. So... I dunno, I was just thinking that maybe those aliens you mentioned before have appeared somewhere out there.'

'You 'fraid?' Berwald asked. I paused for a moment, but he gave his own response before I could give mine. 'I'm not.'

Nah... you're right. Sure, we're five people, but we are so much more than that. One entity. One SOS Brigade.

And _god_ help anyone who gets in our way.

* * *

We arrived back at the station as planned. Mathias waved enthusiastically as soon as he spotted us, but then that was to be expected. Tino and Eirikur were there too, of course.

'Well, you two've sure been enjoying yourselves!' Mathias laughed. 'What took ya so long? Having some _special_ time in the library? I sure hope you weren't having _too_ much fun without us!'

'Yep. _Lots_ of fun,' I replied. 'And we found _lots_ of mysterious stuff, too.'

'Really?' Mathias looked sceptical. 'Nah, you can't have done, or you would have brought it with you, right?'

'You _idiot_, of course we found nothing.'

No books that, if written correctly, provide a link to another world. No books that characters burst out of, either. Though, I'm pretty sure there are books about those things happening. Or maybe videogames. Not in the library, but yeah. Pick up a Myst game some time and see that exact first thing happen.

Mathias led on at full speed without telling us where we were going. We didn't really have much choice but to follow, but asking where we were going would be like telling a stone to stop rolling down a steep hill. He'd just keep going and then stop suddenly and say 'Here we are!'. If we were at sea and Mathias was our captain, we'd probably end up in Bermuda. Then sink.

But nope, we were just going back to that Italian restaurant. Of course. Food. I'd been so wrapped up in that whole business with the other Tino that I'd _completely_ forgotten about food, though all that had left me quite hungry anyway.

I kept glancing over at Tino during our meal. Really, it didn't seem right to know that he was about to go through all that and have him not know about it, but the other Tino didn't really know much about what was going to happen anyway. Gah. I don't like this one bit. Can't I at least tell him 'Hey Tino you're going to go back in time and you're going to be super-useful to yourself'?

'Nooooor!' Mathias whacked the side of my plate repeatedly with his fork. 'Why are you daydreaming? Problems go to the Chief!'

I was in the middle of formulating an incredibly witty response, when he folded his arms in annoyance.

'Oh yeah, that phone call earlier, what the _hell_ was that?'

Oh. _Whoops_.

'That... was really stupid of me and I shouldn't have done it,' I responded. 'If I'd have known it wouldn't work I wouldn't have done it. Sorry.'

I looked over at Tino, who tilted his head in confusion.

'Hah, not that it matters,' Mathias said, grinning. 'Next time, make it more imaginative! You get extra points if the joke is funny! Maybe I should keep track of points and then they can be redeemed for a little prize! Oh, and if the joke's not funny you get a _massive_ deduction! Remember that!'

...Is he _asking_ for a prank call or something?

* * *

Mathias called it a day after lunch was over. Sure, it was really weird seeing him do that, but I guess two solid days of _this_ was taking its toll. I don't know. He _seemed_ as energetic as usual, but...

Well, whatever. We went our separate ways after just a few hours of 'searching'. I hung back for a moment, before heading after Eirikur.

'Hm?' Eirikur glanced over at me.

'About earlier... takk.'

'That? Don't mention it, it's fine.' Eirikur sighed. 'It's not like _I_ had much to do with it anyway.'

'Were those two in the police car _actually_ Sadik and Herakles?' I asked.

'Yeah, that was them. They're... _colleagues_.'

'Are they even related?'

Eirikur kept looking straight ahead. '...Let's just say they're two people who sometimes pretend to be cousins with a remote island mansion, and sometimes pretend to be policemen. Will that do?'

'Yeah. Very informative, takk. What about Natalia and Yekaterina?'

'What _about_ them?'

'They're involved in this big game of pretend too, are they..?'

Eirikur snorted. 'What do _you_ think?'

Now you're just being obtuse. I expected no less.

'Ok, fine, Sir Unhelpful, Tino's and Berwald's bosses. Are you allied with them, or..?'

Eirikur paused for a moment. 'We're... not _allied_ as such. We just seem to have formed some kind of mutual understanding. Not that everyone in the Agency is happy about that. I mean, some of the Agency believe that people like Tino or Berwald are delusional and merely _think_ they're time travellers or aliens.'

'Oh, that's just _ridiculous_,' I said. 'Have you considered making sure these people come with a stubbornness warning?'

'Well, I'm sure _they'd_ argue that Mathias just triggered things that made them think they were superpowered aliens or time travellers from the future... What do you think?'

I sighed, frustrated. 'I think they should have one of these 'delusional alien' people come after _them_ with a pipe, see how _they_ like it. If they can say that, what _can't_ they deny?'

'Who knows? Perhaps... the one with the omnipotence isn't Mathias at all, but someone else.' Eirikur's face was as impassive as ever. 'The eye of the storm's calm enough, but it's surrounded by chaos. Maybe someone put themselves on the sidelines to watch things unfold. And you, you've certainly been kept busy, haven't you? I'm not sure any scriptwriter would play such an exhausting character themselves.'

I narrowed my eyes. 'What are you trying to say..?'

'Nothing. It's just a theory.' Eirikur shrugged. 'To be honest, I'm kinda feeling left out. I'd probably say I belong more with the SOS Brigade now than with the Agency. Should anything put them in opposition, well, wouldn't that be a dilemma?'

Just as I was preparing myself for another long-winded speech, Eirikur waved goodbye and headed in another direction.

* * *

My arrival at home was greeted with Hanatamago's fur spread all over my bedroom floor. Which is, you know, _exactly_ what I need. Why on earth can't my brother find somewhere _else_ to play with the poor dog?

_Ahem_. Anyway.

The work with 'Simo' was done, but there was still stuff to be done with the Tino from this time. Well, not _from _this time, but you know. The one that wasn't involved with the kidnapping thing. Not to mention, there was still the matter of letter #6.

'Meet me at the bench where we met that Midsummer once everything is over. I'll be waiting.'

Once everything is over... was it _really_ over? Certainly didn't feel like it. But that didn't matter. This was a chance to meet with Future-Tino and tell him _exactly_ what I thought of his little games.

Well... ok, I probably _wouldn't_, but that's not the point. But still...

I re-read all of Future-Tino's notes, but they were all so confusing I couldn't see what the point was to any of them. Any except... #2. 'Scale the mountain. There is an oddly-shaped rock which you must move approximately three metres west and leave. Tino Väinämöinen knows what to do. It is advised that you do this before nightfall.' That was the only one associated with Mathias, and at a _guess_, there was something buried under the rock's original position that the future people didn't want him finding.

But that's just a guess.

Before I could think about it any more, my little brother came upstairs and announced that dinner was ready. So I dragged myself downstairs and ate. Once I'd escaped my family for a short while, I went back upstairs and took a bath.

Or at least I _thought_ I'd escaped them; my brother soon burst in, waving my phone at me, shouting something like 'It's Mathi! It's for you!' Naturally, I took the phone and shoo'd my brother out.

'Couldn't you have waited a little while?' I asked.

'Nope!' Mathias replied. 'But it's not like I'm demanding you come out right now this instant, so no biggie. I'm just telling you that we're meeting by the station tomorrow. Got it?'

'And you couldn't have told us earlier, _because_..?'

'Hey, shut up! I was... sort of busy myself.'

'Right. Of course. Because you're always _incredibly_ considerate of other people's free time, right?'

Mathias laughed. 'But of course, Nor! Anyway, tomorrow, station, um... two o'clock. And you get the biggest penalty of your _life_ if you're late! Oh yeah, you can come empty-handed.'

'And _you?_ What's this for, anyway?'

'Wait and see! Ok, see ya tomorrow!'

_Beep_. He'd hung up.

_Siiiiiiigh_... What's he up to this time? Treasure hunting, two consecutive days of searching, and now this? Whatever _this_ is. I just hope it isn't too chaotic. And how come I never heard anything about this from Simo? Either he has nothing to do with it, he's been keeping things from me, or... this never happened.

I'm desperately hoping it's not that this part of history never existed.

* * *

A/N: Salutations. Apologising for irregular updates seems to be [ironically] a regular thing now, but oh well.

Also, longest story arc? Longest story arc. Yeah.

Next chapter, Future-Tino finally shows his face.

Until next time, bye~


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